Confessions of a WWE Diva
by Rated-R-For-Randomness
Summary: The hardest thing about writing undercover was supposed to be keeping up the charade. Yet it turned out, that was the easy part. Letting go in the end? That's a different story. Edge/OC/Jeff with Christian, John Cena, Randy Orton, Chris Jericho
1. Prologue: Pretty Smiles and Lies

_A.N. - I have been watching wrestling for years but never attempted to write a story about my favorite pastime... until now. This is a total work of fiction based off a concept that is already present in the WWE. What if there was more than meets the eye to those usually annoying Diva Search competitions. The most recent one was totally done online because they are now only looking for eyecandy over wrestlers, but what if it was different. In this story the Diva Search is like a female version of Tough Enough where they actually learn to wrestle. Female power! So normal disclaimer... own nothing that has to do with the WWE, only the characters that aren't part of the company. Please be kind as it is my first wrestling story.

* * *

_

Standing backstage, I couldn't help but shake in fear for what was about to happen. I could hear sounds around me emanating from the stage just a few yards away. Yet nothing compared to the sound of my heart rapidly beating. It seemed like it would come out of my chest at any moment. There was a reason that I had shied away from the public eye for a month. Going to Europe on business was just an excuse to hide from the fallout that I knew would come. It didn't turn out exactly how I had thought it would… no, let me revise that. It was _nothing_ like I thought would happen. I guess it is only fitting.

I have not seen most of my former friends since my departure from the company. It was just too much; I needed a clean break from everything _WWE_. It was hard, probably the second hardest thing I have ever had to do in my twenty four years of life. Yet the hardest one by far was what led to this meeting today; the whole reason I was even in the WWE to begin with.

I could hear his voice now and had to fight back a few tears that were threatening to fall. He was the reason for many tears the past year. I truly did not expect to fall in love. And when I had to end it, it killed me inside. He never even got a real explanation. Well, I guess he knows now. They all do.

They are about to give me my cue to join my former coworkers/friends on stage and I can't help my legs from almost giving out from under me. It is almost impossible to understand what I am feeling unless you have experienced what has brought me to this point. So, let's just start at the beginning…


	2. All My Complaints Shrink to Nothing

_A.N. - Normal Disclaimer even though nothing other than a few names are mentioned in this chapter. The real WWE laden stuff is set to begin in the next chapter. Again, this Diva Search contest is totally fabricated and a work of my semi-feminist mind. I love wrestling but wish that there more than just a handful of truly decent female wrestlers. Please read and review and give me input on who you might like to see pop up in the next few chapters. Also, if anyone has any suggestions on events for the Diva Search contestants to undergo, feel free to write me. Peace and love!_

* * *

"Oh my God. That man is _so_ sex personified!" 

"You're blind! He is so…"

This is what it was like when my best friends, and coworkers, watched wrestling. It turned into something out of a teen chick flick with adolescent girls drooling over the hot guy at school. Nope it was only Danielle and Steven ogling twentysomethings in spandex. It was maddening to say the least. I couldn't understand for the life of me what they saw in this sport, if you could even call it that. Okay, some of the wrestlers were attractive but the company on a whole seemed to be all about two things: sex and violence. Hell, a wrestler even had that same phrase printed on his shirts. This proved to me that the company was all bad: they flaunt their steroid driven bodies and beat each other senseless. And all of this on top of the fact that women are there as sex objects. No wonder I can't stand Monday nights.

"Is this show almost over?"

"Oh come off it Nami! You have to admit that it's entertaining," Danielle said, refusing to take her eyes away from the screen.

"Just about as entertaining as my last trip to the dentist," I groaned getting up off of the sofa. I was sick of watching this athletic soap opera.

"You are no fun," Danielle pouted as she actually turned her attention to me.

"Thanks for acknowledging my presence," I scoffed jokingly as I picked up the bottle of wine from the table and flopped back down on the sofa.

"John Cena's no longer on. She has no reason to drool anymore," Steven remarked with a smirk.

"Shut up! You are just as bad as me, if not worse!" Danielle yelled throwing a sofa pillow at him. I just rolled my eyes as a semi-pillow fight ensued. Not only did they watch the crappy show, they were beginning to live it. They talked about it all the time, fighting between who was hotter: John Cena or Randy Orton. Or if somebody with the last name Harding or Hardy or something like that was actually going to return. I was sick of it all.

"Well, on that note, I think I am going to head out," I said as I swirled the contents of my wine glass around, avoiding the pillow fight/pseudo wrestling match that was occurring on the floor.

"You can't leave yet! Raw isn't over!" Danielle shrieked as the two stopped fighting and looked upon me with shocked eyes.

"It's really not that much of a loss," I said, downing the contents of my glass and setting it on the table.

"You are insane if you don't find some enjoyment out of watching wrestling. I mean, even if you just watch the superstars in the ring, you have to be semi-entertained," Steven said. I just rolled my eyes and started to gather my belongings.

"Sorry. It's just not my thing," I replied.

"Come off your high horse. I know that you are all politically correct _all the time_, but… there is nothing wrong with pro-wrestling," Danielle reasoned.

"Ha! I could count on all of our hands combined and that wouldn't even be half of the things that are wrong with pro-wrestling!" I attested as I pulled on my sweater.

"Oh yeah? Prove it," Danielle said.

"Okay. Where should I begin? One, it's…"

"No. That's not what I meant! I want you to _prove it_, not just list every one of your preconceived biases of what wrestling is."

I just stared at her for a few moments. I couldn't grasp what she meant. But then she pointed to the television.

"You have to be insane!" I scoffed.

"I'm with Nami on this one. You are insane if you think that she could be a WWE Diva!" Steven said with a laugh.

"Hey!" I exclaimed. "I wouldn't be caught dead in a WWE ring but still… hey!"

The commercial for the next version of the WWE Diva Search was over as quick as it began, but the three of us continued arguing for a few more hours on why Danielle's idea was stupid. She made a few valid points, but nothing would sway my mind. Too bad she got to the boss before I even had a chance to plead my case.

* * *

"You are doing this Shepherd," Mr. Williams informed me. Edgar Williams was the head of my department at Hachette Book Group. I came here right out of college over three years ago and have been writing and ghostwriting for them ever since. He was staring at me with total seriousness in his eyes. I saw the WWE Diva Search website was on his computer monitor and I knew that I had no way out. When he had his mind set on something, it was pretty much made up. 

"Can I just ask why?" I asked depressingly. He just sighed and gestured for me to sit down.

"Ms. Shepherd, you are a very talented writer… probably the best on my staff. Yet you have no life experience. All of your writing is based off of other people's thoughts or experiences. You… you need to get out there."

"I understand that sir, but why this? I don't even like wrestling!" I pleaded. I hoped that he could be reasoned with, yet I should have known better. There was no sense in even wasting my breath.

"That is precisely why you are ideal for this. You loathe the very thing you are going undercover as. A WWE Diva, whom you view as only being a piece of eye candy for the male viewing demographic. Become the thing you despise and you may learn something about yourself. You may also learn that you have some preconceived theories that will be refuted."

"I doubt that very much sir," I muttered, as I sank lower in the chair I was occupying.

"Yes well, we shall see," he said with mirth in his voice. He looked over to his screen and began to read aloud the instructions on how to enter yet I stopped paying attention long before. It was just ludicrous that he could even consider this idea. What was even more maddening was that he had considered it and had accepted it.

"Ah, Ms. Dylan, Mr. Bateman… come in," Mr. Williams said to the two newcomers. I glared at my two friends over my shoulder as they took the two seats on either side of me.

"So, did he tell you the good news?" Danielle asked with a huge smile on her face.

"What good news would that be? That I am getting new best friends?" I replied hotly. "And you… I thought you were on my side."

"I just said that you wouldn't make a good Diva. You don't have an ass. I mean the ti…" Steven started before I kindly interrupted him. I didn't need my physical appearance dissected in front of my boss.

"That has nothing to do with it!"

"She has the heart," Mr. Williams added.

"No, actually I don't. I love to write… it is my life. But I do not have the heart to be a WWE Diva. Ask Danielle… anybody but me," I whined. I knew that I probably sounded like a three year old that wasn't being allowed to have dessert, but I wanted him to see my distress. It wasn't working very well.

"I have made up my mind Ms. Shepherd. Mr. Bateman and Ms. Dylan will assist you in getting into this competition. Let's just hope that you make it through," Mr. Williams said as he handed me a few papers outlining the project in full. The name Danielle Dylan was at the top and I knew just who to thank for this "great opportunity".

The three of us filed out of his office and I briefly looked over the forms in my hands. I would be given a paid vacation if I was accepted into the Diva Search finalists. I would be expected to record all of my thoughts and happenings and compile them upon completion of the contest. It didn't say much of anything else other than that this project would be to discover/take down the company from a firsthand account. The other words that struck me were "totally unbiased account". What a load bullshit that was.

"Are you two happy now? I pretty much have to do this or I am out of a job," I exclaimed as I threw the proposal down on my desk.

"It's going to be fun. And who knows? You might not even make it," Steven said.

"She will make it. I will make sure of it," Danielle grinned.

* * *

Over the next few days, Danielle had arranged everything for my debut. And by debut I mean my audition tape that was going to be sent to the company. She had written up this bogus speech that I was supposed to recite while wearing less to nothing for the camera. I tried to learn the lines but reading over the total bullshit that she had written for me, I knew there was no way I would be able to use it. It just wasn't me and if I wanted to actually come across like I wanted this, I had to at least be myself. 

The outfit was another story. The short shorts wouldn't have fit me in the sixth grade. It's not that I was huge, but I was not a twig either. I always thought of myself as a nice size. Just a few curves in all the right places, even though Steven still attests to the fact that I don't have an ass. The shirt was a torn WWE shirt that was cut ultra short and super low. Thus, that outfit didn't last very long.

The day of the actual audition shoot was one filled with bitterness and anxiety. I was wearing my old high school boyfriend's football jersey and a pair of black capris. Danielle didn't think that it was too flattering yet Steven agreed that it would be better to be myself. This was myself, comfortable and not slutty. I was not going to turn myself into a sexpot just because they wanted me to become a Diva.

After a few total sucky takes of me trying to remember what Danielle had written while throwing in my own flair, I was totally livid.

"This is fucking insane, you know that!" I screamed as I paced back and forth.

"Just try it again, and this time be a little more peppy... and a lot less bitchy," Danielle said as she rewound the tape in the camera for what seemed the millionth time.

"Easy for you to say. You are behind the camera. I have to make a fool of myself while parading around trying to do something that I don't even want to do! This is so fucking…"

"Calm the attitude! You know that this is a great idea. You are just mad that you didn't think of it first," Danielle pouted.

"You keep thinking that," I groaned as I grabbed and gulped my bottle of water.

"Let's just give her some time. Come on, we'll grab some lunch. You want anything?" Steven asked as he pulled Danielle away from the camera.

"Some self-respect and actually not having to do this," I muttered.

"Good luck with that," he replied as they left the room.

I looked around Steven's basement and sighed. There was no way in hell that I would be able to get through this if I couldn't even make a stupid audition tape. Yet maybe that was the point. I don't want to do this so why am I even trying? Maybe, I wasn't.

I went over to Steven's old electric guitar and turned on the amp. He rarely even plays it anymore and I have been trying to get him to give it to me. Still hasn't worked yet. He is such a pack rat and won't part with anything. I walked back over to my spot as I continued to fiddle around with the guitar. I wasn't that great at it but had picked some things up from my high school lessons. Music and writing were my two passions in life. I was being forced into a third.

So many things were running through my brain as I continued to just fool around and play different riffs on the instrument. Before I even knew it, words came out of my mouth as I began to sing along to my strumming.

_"You've got the moneymaker.  
__You've got the moneymaker.  
__You've got the moneymaker.  
__This is your chance to make it,  
__Out, out, out of here.  
__You'll get out, out, out of here._

_You got the moneymaker.  
__They show the money to you.  
__You show them what you can do.  
__Show them your moneymaker…"_

And I continued on and on for a few more minutes, singing an ode to the sexual exploitation that I would be undergoing because of my friend's delusional idea. The one thing I didn't know during my little ditty was that my loving friends had turned the camera on before they left. Thus even though I stomped out of Steven's house almost as soon as they returned, I received a letter of acceptance into the WWE Diva Search competition a few weeks later.

* * *

_Lyrics from Rilo Kiley's "The Moneymaker"_


	3. I Am Nobody

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer. I own nothing that even remotely has to do with the WWE. This is all taking place in 2006. This chapter to be exact is the October 2 edition of Raw yet of course some things will be changed. There was never the 2006 edition of the Diva Search that took place over the summer. This other Diva Search is in its place. The italic parts are Nami's actual writings for her investigative report. Peace and Love!

* * *

_I couldn't believe that I was actually here. It had taken almost ten hours with all of the delays at the airport, but I was finally standing in front of the arena in Topeka, Kansas. Even though I was here, I was not prepared for my first day on the job. Ever since I had received the acceptance letter and later phone calls, I started to brush myself up on the actual company I would be trying to work for. Watching the actual show wasn't an option for whenever I tried I couldn't stop myself from picking apart everything that I saw wrong with it. Thus I decided to do the one thing that would never upset me: read.

Over the past few weeks, I had read almost every book on the WWE that I could find. Whether it was some unauthorized take on the business or a few of the wrestlers' biographies, I read them all. Some of the more less authentic and unauthorized versions painted a pretty grim tale of steroids and egomaniacs while the biographies delved into the wrestlers' personal experiences. Yet none of them gave me clear picture of what the business was all about. Was it really just about drugs and money or about the high you get from performing for a crowd? I knew that I was going to experience it all sooner than I would have liked.

"Are you one of the Diva Search contestants?"

I turned around and was faced with a woman, probably around my age. Short bleached blonde hair that was highlighted with bright green streaks was the first thing I noticed but knew that I should say something before it seemed too awkward.

"Yeah. Nami Shepherd," I said as I held out my hand. She just giggled before enveloping me in a friendly hug.

"The name's Carly Patterson. I guess you are one of my competitors. Not that you seem that tough. Just kidding! Man, this place seems huge. I can't believe that…"

She just continued to ramble on and on. I just nodded slightly and smiled at opportune times, but continued to study the woman in front of me. Her violet eyes were clearly contacts and she wore a huge amount of bright makeup on her face. A true rebel, I guess. She seemed nice enough, but her incessant rambling was beginning to give me a headache.

"Earth to Nami. Were you even listening to me?" Carly asked as she waved her hand in front of my face.

"Sorry. Just thinking about something," I murmured.

"Yeah, I have a lot on my mind too. Like are we going to actually train or just do lame competitions. Even though it said, no experience required, I would like to actually wrestle, you know?"

"You sure do like to talk, don't you?" I asked lightheartedly as we began to slowly walk closer to the doors of the arena.

"I always ramble when I am nervous. I hope I'm not bothering you or anything, but…"

"No, it's fine. Kind of refreshing I guess," I mused to more myself than to my companion. She just smiled and continued on talking about wrestling and when she started watching and who her favorite wrestlers were. I had nothing to impart so I just stayed silent, halfheartedly listening to her. She really did seem to want this. And she was here to wrestle, not be a valet or whatever they call them. It was kind of unexpected.

"Ms. Shepherd, Ms. Patterson… Mr. McMahon is expecting you," a man said when we reached our final destination: the actual arena doors.

I took a deep breath as he opened the door to let us in. Carly bounced inside with a big smile on her face while I had to pull myself from my spot to continue. This was turning from a nightmare to an actual reality. I was about to meet the actual owner of the WWE.

* * *

_October 2, 2006_

_And so my journey begins. Well, that isn't exactly true. It began a few months ago when I was roped into entering the WWE Diva Search competition. Thus right off the bat, let's get some things straight. One – I have never liked the WWE in my entire twenty three years of life. Two – This whole project is thanks to two obsessed wrestling fans that want me to learn to love their passion__ and the fact that I want to keep my job__. Three – If you couldn't tell already, I don't want to be here!_

_Auditioning was hell. You had to send in a three minute tape detailing why you wanted to be the next WWE Diva. In light of my first few horrible attempts and final product, I don't even know what I am doing here. The audition if you could call it that was nothing more than me strumming on a guitar and singing about the sexual exploitation that would come from this. Who knew that that was what they were looking for?_

_Getting the letter was a shocker considering I never even knew that I was entered. The song was filmed without my knowledge… and entered without my knowledge. It's funny that I am the one writing this piece yet I didn't even know about all the det__ails until after it had started.__ I had a month to get my life in order before I was asked to report to today's taping of WWE RAW. _

_Well, here I am… backstage in Topeka, Kansas. __My first real day on the job.__ Job, that's a laugh. This whole thing seemed like a big joke. That was until I actually got off of the plane from New York and realized that this had become a reality. This wasn't just some __idea that Danielle, one of those WWE obsessed friends I spoke of, had concocted. This was real and that was a scary fact._

_The girls, my competitors, seem… nice. I am not sure of all their names yet. Hell, we have all only known each other for a few hours. Everything is just too confusing to take in. The only one that I can actually say I know is Carly. Ms. Carly Patterson is a self-proclaimed WWE junkie and has been since childhood. She remembers attending events with her father and brothers and loving every minute. She said that she was even at the Montreal __Screwjob__, something that got a few gasps from some of the girls. __Me__ on the other hand could only smile and nod. That seems to be the best way out of anything. Just smile and nod._

_That whole smile and nod thing wasn't enough to get me through the meeting with Vince McMahon. No matter what anybody says, he is an intimidating man. Sitting behind his desk with ten __Diva Search contracts in his hands, he gave us all a welcome speech. Commanding yet inviting at the same time, he __made this seem like a once in a lifetime opportunity. There were a few times when I had to bite back a retort or an eye roll but nothing that I couldn't handle. I knew that if I was going to keep up this façade I would need to work on my outward hostility to everything WWE._

_He handed us the contracts and gave us a speech on what they were for. It's not like we were signed with the WWE or anything. They just said that we know what we are getting into and that even if we don't win, we will be contractedly obligated to only wrestle for the WWE up to a year. Blah, blah, blah… All I cared about was getting it over with. I even almost missed the part where he said that we would actually be training to wrestle... almost. Yet as I reached for the pen, I was struck with sudden fear of what I was about to do._

_I know nothing about this business besides what I have read in __books and this is one time when I don't think reading was the best idea. Most of the girls knew the ins and outs of the business or at least the who's who. I don't even know a who in this business. Oh, besides The Rock… but he isn't even in the business anymore. Wonder why, huh? Who said I couldn't be bitter on paper? Oh right, no one!_

_Anyway, __the fear of what this whole thing meant crept into my veins and attacked my senses. I couldn't see straight and my hand was beginning to tremble. All this over selling my soul… I mean, signing a pseudo-contract for the WWE. The only thing that was going through my mind at that moment was "Poor Unfortunate Souls" from The Little Mermaid. That was my childhood memories, not wrestling. I liked to curl up with a good Disney movie, not watch sweaty men grope each other in the ring._

_Yet just like Ariel, I looked away quickly and signed my name on the dotted line. Nami Shepherd was now semi-employed with__ World Wrestling Entertainment. Unlike my favorite Disney princess, I didn't lose my voice. I lost myself. I was now going to have to pretend to be something that I most certainly was no__t. I was a lot of things, but not an actress so this would not be pretty._

_Right now, all ten of us are crammed in a small locker room awaiting word of what will be occurring tonight. According to Mr. McMahon, __the competition starts tonight. Yippee, I can hardly contain my excitement. That__ is sarcasm if you cannot tell. Groups have already begun to form. I feel like I am back in high school. The only two that aren't conforming are __myself__ because I am busy furiously writing this and Carly. She is a total social butterfly, going between small cliques and talking for a few minutes. She wants this._

"Well, well, well… what do we have here?"

_Well, it looks like we are no longer alone. Luckily, they are the only two faces that I could actual pick out in the wrestling crowd: John Cena and Randy Orton. What they are doing here is beyond me. Don't know and honestly don't care. Maybe they were told to come and scout out the new young diva hopefuls. Or maybe they just came on their own accord. Either way, I will pay them no heed. I am not Danielle or Steven (other WWE obsessed friend if you are keeping track).But it seems as if I am the alone in that sentiment as the other nine are more than happy to flock to them. __Whatever._

_Where was I? Oh yes: Carly. She is the closest thing I will probably have even resembling a friend while I am here. I am not here to make friends. I am not here to be nice. I am not even here to get a job or fulfill __a dream. I am here to get my story and leave. __Simple?__Seems impossible.__ I do not want to become attached to anyone or anything as it all is just going to be one big lie. But isn't that what wrestling comes down to? __Being built on a bunch of lies or half-truths.__ I guess it is only fitting that…_

"Nami!"

"Huh?" I look up after hearing Carly shriek my name only for my eyes to come in contact with the piercing orbs belonging to Randy Orton. He is staring down at me with a grin upon his face. Immediately, I don't like him. And considering some of the things I have read, he isn't Prince Charming. Even Steven has admitted that he was just recently coming off a suspension because of unsportsmanlike conduct. Staring into his eyes, I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Should I have been impressed? Should I have introduced myself?

"Um this is Nami. Nami, that is…" Carly started before she was hastily cut off.

"Unless she's mute, I'd like to hear it from her," Randy said, his gaze never leaving mine. I didn't know if he was playing his character or being his normal self. Either way, he was being a total ass. So I knew what I would do: ignore him. I looked back down at my paper and continued where I left off.

_…my time here is based on lies itself._

"Excuse me, miss, but…"

"Yo, Legend Killer, we need to go see Vince about tonight's show...NOW," John Cena said as he pulled his friend away from me. I didn't care what he was about to say. I would not be intimidated by him or anyone for that matter. It's not that I didn't find them a little intimidating because that would be a total lie. It's just that I don't care what they think of me. I could care less what their impression was of me. I am here for one reason and one reason alone: my story. My personal experience that will help me grow as a write. And if he would do anything to me, it would only prove my theory about this business right. So I say: just bring it.

_Well, I certainly had an interesting encounter. Seems that some Superstars (cough... Randy Orton ...cough) feel that they are God's gift to Earth. Not that I really take first impressions that seriously, especially in this business. I couldn't tell if he was being the jackass Randy Orton that is on television every week or the real jackass that is Randy Orton. __Our encounter was little more than Carly getting my attention and trying to introduce us. He was looming over my sitting figure so it was a little awkward. Yet he knew how to make it even more tense by cutting off her introduction and in a way, demanding that I respond myself. Well after that little outburst, there was no way I was going to give him the satisfaction. So I just continued to write. His friend Cena (I am assuming that they are friends...poor guy) pulled him out of the room before words could be exchanged. I could tell he was a little heated._

_I am a nobody and I didn't give him the time of day. Must __of__ hurt his ego._

"Are you insane? Do you have any idea what you just did?" one of the girls I still didn't know exclaimed.

"Not really. I don't think I did anything," I answered honestly.

"Exactly! That was Randy Orton!" she raved.

"Okay?" I asked with a questioning glance.

"Why ya even here?" another girl asked as she shot me a glare from across the room. Now that is an interesting question. How to answer?

"Same reason you are," I said with a defiant look in my eyes.

"Then I think you should learn some respect for the people who might become your peers," she scoffed.

"That's highly unlikely on both counts. A: there is no way she will win with that attitude. I think Orton will see to it personally. And B: I don't think she has an ounce of class in her," the original girl spoke. I was becoming very heated. Was this 'Gang Up on Nami Night' just because I wouldn't act all star struck around Randy Orton?

"Di, that's being mean," Carly said in my defense. I gave her a small smile, yet couldn't help but think that this was reminding me more and more of high school and less and less like a real job. And for the record, I hated high school.

"The truth hurts sometimes," Di retorted before retaking her seat on the black couch. I just sighed and went back to writing. I didn't care what they thought of me… it's just a job. Just a job… I continued that mantra as I held back a few tears that were threatening to fall.


	4. He Knew Each Tear Before It Came

_A.N. - Thank to all who have read and "sideways anger" for reviewing. Normal disclaimer... WWE owns pretty much everything including the Diva Search. Please read and review and I will try to get the next chapter up tomorrow. Peace and Love!!!

* * *

_Sleep would not come to me. I looked over at the clock and saw the evidence of my insomnia: 3:15. I had given up writing in my journal long ago after recapping the rest of the night's events. It wasn't much. The Diva Search contestants didn't do much more than come out and be announced by some guy that I think I recognized from an MTV show. He couldn't even get my name right. How hard is it to pronounce Nami? Nah-Me… not Nay-My like he exclaimed. It really didn't make that much difference to me but Danielle and Steven got a big laugh when I called them after the show.

Next week, there would be an elimination. I couldn't understand how, seeing that we did nothing more than come up on the stage and wave to the crowd. We didn't even go in the ring, not that I am complaining. The voters only have our smiling faces to vote from. And they say they are trying to make this contest a little more respectable? Ha.

Tomorrow, we are heading out to some place in Kentucky to train. Sounds fun, doesn't it? Unlike the previous Diva Search competitions, they want the winner and probably even some of the runner-ups to be ready to enter the ring as soon as the competition is done. So we are all doing something that the others have not: training. And we are not talking about one day a week sitting around and watching somebody show us what to do. They have a place for us to stay in Kentucky, right by some wrestling facility. When we aren't at Raw for the tapings, we will be there… training. I can _hardly_ wait. This is so going to be the death of me.

Carly is excited. Why wouldn't she be? This is her dream and she is actually getting the training she has always wanted. I on the other hand is trying to find a way out of this. I actually considered telling someone tonight what I was up to so I could leave. Or maybe they could just excuse me from actually having to do the work. This is not what I signed up for. When I saw "no wrestling experience needed" on the contract, I didn't know that meant "because we are going to teach you."

The ten of us Divas-in-Training were broken down into pairs. Luckily, I was with Carly. She was going to be my roommate for as long as we both were on the competition. I think she will make it for the long haul. She's beautiful and has the desire to do anything to make it. I don't know if I will be that lucky… or unlucky depending on how you look at it.

Deciding that I needed something to help me fall asleep, I left my room and headed to the lobby. I knew that there was a coffee machine right by the cafeteria. Coffee at 3:30 in the morning might not sound normal but sometimes caffeine was the only thing that could get me calm. I was beyond antsy. So many things were running through my brain. I didn't think I could do this assignment anymore. I was the worst undercover reporter ever.

When I finally made it to the coffee machine, I was so overtired I could barely read the out-of-order sign that adorned the front. In frustration, I banged my hand against the broken machine. It deserved some hostility for causing me even more grief.

"Hey, why don't you save that ferocity for the ring?"

The voice from behind me was one I hadn't heard before. I knew that it was probably someone from the company though. At least I wouldn't have to deal with another Randy Orton incident tonight.

"Whatever you say," I muttered as I turned around and brushed past the man without even looking up at him. All I could see was blonde hair. I didn't know any wrestlers with blonde hair; granted, I didn't really know any wrestlers.

"You must be the one Orton was talking about," he said, his grin coming through in the tone of his voice. I just continued to make my way back to the elevator. What was it with these wrestlers? Can't they just leave well enough alone?

"At least I know that you can talk even if you don't feel the need to be even the least be courteous," he said his voice sounding that it was coming from right behind me. And when I stopped walking, I knew my suspicions were correct as he bumped into me. It was almost enough to make me stumble, but he quickly steadied me.

"Easy there," he laughed. I couldn't help the shiver that ran through my body. I had to fight the urge to look up and see who was the owner of the voice and arms that were now wrapped around my waist. For what seemed like the hundredth time already in my first day, I didn't know what to do.

"Thanks," I murmured and pried myself from the light hold he had on me.

"So she does have some manners," he replied as I continued to walk to the elevator. I guess he didn't get the point as he continued to follow me.

"Is there something you want or are you just going to follow me around all night?" I asked bitterly as I pushed the up button for the elevator. I prayed that it would hurry, but it didn't seem that God was caring about my distress at the time.

"What is with all the hostility Nay-My?" he asked with a laugh. I had every urge to turn around and give him a piece of my mind, but I decided against it. Let him have his jokes. I didn't really care. Or at least that is what I had to keep on telling myself.

"No snappy retort?" he mused. I just stayed silent and hoped that I could keep the tears in my eyes. This was becoming more and more stressful and it was only the first day. I quietly sniffled and felt the first tear fall. I quickly wiped it away and hoped that he was no longer paying attention. No such luck.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, compassion laced in his voice. I still refused to turn around. The elevator sounded letting me know it had arrived. I quickly walked over and hit the number fifteen. I stared at the ground and saw that I wasn't alone. His arm brushed past mine and hit the number fourteen. Silence rang throughout the small compartment.

"I didn't mean anything by it. I was just…" he started.

"This doesn't have anything to do with you, okay?" I attested as a felt a few more tears fall. And in truth it wasn't. This experience was just becoming too much. I thought I could handle it, but it appears that there is no way I will be able to make it through. This was one life experience that I was not ready for. I was only twenty-three and was being thrown to the wolves. And that is what I saw this company as: a pack of wolves just waiting to prey on fresh meat. I was quickly pulled from my thoughts when I felt him take my hand and pull me around to face him. Lucky for me because of my height, I bumped against his chest.

"There is something different about you. And I am going to figure it out," he whispered softly. At this admission, my body went rigid. There was no way that he could find out. If he did, not only would this whole story be squashed but my job would be history. Mr. Williams was a strict man and wanted things done his way or no way at all. He was set on this piece and I couldn't afford to fuck it up. Even if there were times when I wanted to quit, I knew I couldn't.

"You are insane. There is nothing 'different' about me," I pleaded, but I think he already knew that I was just trying to cover for my initial hesitation.

"Then look at me," he muttered softly. I was about to actually comply when the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened. The man made no move to leave.

"It's your stop," I whispered.

"Yeah, but you still haven't looked at me," he whispered back. The doors shut again and preceded its journey to my floor. I knew that there wasn't going to be much time going from one floor to another. I took a deep breath and tilted my face upward.

"That wasn't so hard," he murmured as he brought his hands up to wipe a few tears from my eyes. I couldn't say anything. I was just left staring at him. His smile, his eyes… he was truly beautiful.

"So now… tell me why you want this?" he asked softly as I heard the elevator doors slide open.

"Huh?" I questioned. His question brought me out of ogling and I couldn't for the life of me understand what he meant.

"You don't even know, do you? I can see it in your eyes. The others, well most of the others… they want to live WWE… they want to breathe WWE. But you… you don't. I can tell," he said bitterly. Where had the compassion gone from his features? It was there one minute and gone the next. The doors began to shut so I quickly pulled away and walked out of the elevator. He was close behind.

"You aren't even going to defend yourself?" he asked incredulously. I just continued down the hallway in search of my room.

"What is this? A big joke to you or something? Are you doing this on a dare?" He continued to rant and rave. Yet I could take it no longer and turned around to stare directly into the eyes that had captivated me just a few minutes ago.

"Look, I don't know you. You don't me. Let's just keep it that way and go about our business," I said with equal bitterness in my tone.

"I am trying to do that! You are trying to be a part of a company… no a _family_ that I don't think you even want to belong to. So I am just giving you a warning… if you are hiding something, come clean sooner than later. I will find out what you are up to," he warned.

"Didn't know that I was dealing with the WWE's own version of Sherlock Holmes. Go ahead and be paranoid. I am not hiding anything!" I scoffed. He could tell that I was overly annoyed by his continual questioning of my motives. That seemed like enough evidence to him that I was doing something that wasn't on the up and up.

"You sure about that? Cause you seem mighty... defensive," he said with a questioning smirk. I had a desire to bitch slap the smirk off of his handsome face but thought better. I didn't even think I was supposed to be fraternizing with the superstars. But it's not like I sought him out. If anything, he was following me. Actually, he _was_ following me.

"The only reason I am defensive is because… because you are questioning my integrity. Why wouldn't I be defensive?" I spat back at him before turning and continuing on my trek down the hallway.

"Maybe you should show this passion when you talk about wrestling," he muttered as he fell in step along side me.

"I never talk about wrestling," I muttered softly and inwardly cursed when I realized what I had just said. I needed to get away from him or he would surely get a lot more information out of me.

"A-ha! We have made some progress," he laughed. I rolled my eyes and walked over to my door. Sliding the key card in the slot, I glanced once more over my shoulder at him before walking through the doorway.

"I'm going to figure it out. Just give me time," he said and a smile came to his face. I shook my head and closed the door behind me. Yet I couldn't make it over to my bed before I sunk to the floor in a fit of worry and fear. He knew something was wrong and he didn't seem like the type of person that would just give up. I could tell that this business was his life and he didn't want me to be a part of it. What really stumped me was why he cared? They have had these contests before. Did he do this all the time? And why was I the only one that was being constantly grilled on my motives? Was it that obvious?

I got up enough strength to walk over to my bed and flop down. 4:00 and I still hadn't had my coffee. So I did the only thing I could do. I picked up the black leather journal, unlocked it, and began to write about my most recent encounter with a WWE Superstar. It wasn't until 5:00 that I was finally able to get some sleep but that didn't last long as our alarm was set for 6:00. We had to be up and packed and in the lobby at 7:30. And it was a miracle that we made it.

* * *

The lobby was pretty desolate. The ten of us were waiting for the vans to pick us up and take us to the airport. They couldn't get to the hotel soon enough.

"So how did you sleep?" Carly asked me as I sipped on some coffee from the cafeteria. Damn machine was still out of order. But what did I expect? It had only been a few hours.

"Not that well. Too much on my mind," I replied truthfully.

"That's understandable," Carly said with a smile. I just slightly smiled back at her and looked towards the doors, hoping that the vans would be there. No luck.

"Good morning ladies."

My sucky morning was made complete with a visit from the Legend Killer himself. But he wasn't alone. He had a group of wrestlers around him. Most of them were sizing us up, probably making their own predictions on who would last. Yet my eyes went to only one. I rolled my eyes as I felt his eyes fixating themselves on my form. Wasn't last night bad enough?

"So where are you off to?" Randy asked, seemingly genuinely curious.

"Training in Kentucky," Evelyn, another one of the girls, said with a smile. Randy just winked at her and smiled back. I had to fight the urge to be sick.

"There's our ride," Di pointed out as two white vans pulled up outside of the glass doors. I said a prayer of thanks to above and quickly picked up my bag. Yet before I could make it very far, I felt a presence behind me. I didn't even need to look to know who it was. Before I could make it out the doors, he quietly whispered words that rang in my ears for the rest of the week:

"I'll be watching you."


	5. I Might Quit Waking Up

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer. Don't own anything relating to the WWE. Thanks to everyone that has read. Peace and Love!_

* * *

Purple. No more of a blackish green. I guess a little bit of both. It didn't matter how to classify it, my body was bruised. I couldn't sit without my ass throbbing. Sleeping was almost impossible as my back was in constant pain. Yet none of that compared to the way my elbows looked and felt. I tried to keep them straight at all times, but it was hard. Any movement sent a jolt of pain that shook me to my very core. Even writing in my journal was a task that was more of a burden than a relief.

It was Monday night again. After a week of grueling training, the ten of us were flown to South Carolina for Raw. Topeka, Kansas and now Columbia, South Carolina. I was traveling to places that I never dreamed I would be going to. They aren't as exotic as Rome or Paris, but it was still a big change from the normal commute from New Jersey to New York every day. It was nice to get a new change of scenery. I wish that I could have enjoyed it a lot more than I actually was.

Tonight was a special edition of Raw, as it was the season premiere. Members of all three brands were going to be present, along with some familiar faces from years past. Familiar to many, maybe not to me… unless The Rock was going to be making an appearance, but I highly doubted that. I found it funny that they called tonight a "season premiere" when in actuality, the season never ends. It just keeps going and going and going… I should know. I have spent many a Monday night arguing with my friends over the appeal of pro-wrestling.

Speaking of my friends, I haven't spoken to them since my last Monday night call. The main reason was Carly. She was always around and I had to be careful with whatever I said. I already had one person snooping around, even though I have had no contact with him since Tuesday morning (thankfully). Yet even though I hadn't seen him all week, he was still in my head. His final words, "I'll be watching you", kept circling in my brain. Everything I did, I was always thinking, does it look suspicious? Am I giving myself away? I already had to make an excuse of why I was always writing in my journal. I said that I needed an outlet to get my mind off of the stress of the competition. It was more like the stress of hiding my real intentions from everyone I came across.

"So, you nervous for tonight?" Carly asked as we took a few seats at a table in the catering room or as some people called it the "commissary".

"I guess… more nervous of what we will have to do as our challenge," I answered.

"Yeah. I'm sure it won't be that bad," Evelyn remarked. I just nodded and looked down at the water bottle in my hand.

"Hey Shepherd! How ya feeling?" Di asked as she came over and purposely knocked into my sore arms. I cringed and bit back the yelp of pain that was about to emanate from my throat. Carly and Evelyn both shot her a disdainful glare as she passed our table and joined a few other of our fellow trainees.

"I can't believe I have to room with her. Hopefully, she will be going home soon. Tonight couldn't be soon enough," Evelyn remarked with a smirk. I gave her a small smile before looking down at my bruised arms.

Not everyone was in as much pain as I was. The reason my arms, especially my elbows, were bruised beyond recognition was the fact that I still can't land correctly on the mat. The trainers said that your normal reaction is to put your arms down when you fall. Well, I guess that means that I am normal. But that isn't the way you are supposed to do it. You are supposed to fall and let you back take the bump. Yeah, easier said than done.

After the first few days, most of the girls had grasped this concept. I am still having a hard time with it. It's just not normal. So whenever I take a bump from someone, I fall and put my arms down. And that is why my elbows are a horrible shade of plum at the moment.

"Hey Ev, can you hand me my sweatshirt?" I asked as it was sitting in my bag near her seat.

"Sure, hun," she replied and pulled it from the bag. I gently took the article of clothing in my hand and decided what would be the easiest way to get this on.

"I say get it over with quickly. It's gonna hurt so better not make it last longer than it needs to be," Carly said with an encouraging smile. It was like she understood exactly what I was feeling, which was funny since she was the first person to get the technique of falling correctly. She was amazing in the ring, even though we had learned nothing more than falling and running from rope to rope... and then falling. _So much fun_.

I quickly pulled the garment over my head and painfully stuck my arms in the sleeves. Now, instead of a dull ache, they were throbbing.

"I don't think I can do this," I murmured laying my head on the table.

"Don't talk that way. You will get it. It just takes time to get over your normal reflex," Carly said encouragingly as she patted me on my back. I cringed a little for my back was hurting as well. She mouthed a sorry but all I heard was Di and Katie's laughter from a few tables over. I didn't even need to look up to know who it was directed towards.

"It'll get better," Evelyn said softly. She and Carly started up a conversation about the actual show that was going to take place tonight. They were both hardcore fans. Unlike Carly, Evelyn King had discovered wrestling during college when her boyfriend brought her to a live event. She says ever since that moment, she has been hooked on the industry. She never actually thought about becoming a Diva though. That idea was her boyfriend's, but she is warming up to the idea. Again, I can tell that she wants this… maybe not as much as Carly, but definitely more than me. Hell, the cotton candy vendor tonight probably wants to be a wrestler more than me. But I had to be strong and show no doubt… only desire.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Nami's favorite person," Carly said in the same tone that Randy Orton had addressed us originally a week ago. I refused to look up but chuckled softly to myself. I knew exactly whom she was talking about. Her tone gave it away. Too bad that we were instructed to wait here until we were given notice.

"Ugh, he's sitting with Di. They can have each other," Evelyn commented. I could only laugh and agree wholeheartedly with her assessment.

"Someone sounds jealous," Carly said with a laugh.

"Not really. I meant what I said. She can have him. I would much rather prefer… him," Evelyn said, ending in a sigh. I had to look up and see just who her object of affection was. And as soon as my head lifted off of the wood, I instantly regretted it.

"You cannot be serious," I muttered, more to myself than Evelyn.

"Come on, he is one sexy man," Carly said with a dreamy look. "Not as hot as John Cena, but close."

"God you two are as bad as my best friends back home," I laughed but soon became quiet as I saw his gaze had fallen upon me. He gave me a small smirk before turning back to talk with some of his friends. He was so aggravating, but I had to agree silently with the others: he's beautiful.

* * *

"You have got to be kidding me! Musical chairs?" I exclaimed as myself, Evelyn, and Carly were getting ready for the show.

"It will be fun. Remember when Eugene was General Manager a year ago?" Carly asked with a laugh.

"Oh yeah! That was the best. I miss Jericho," Evelyn said with a pout. Having no clue what they were talking about, I just stayed quiet.

"When it was between Tomko and Jericho, I knew he was going to win. He was even in his hometown so he had the fan support. What a moment," Carly said with a smile as she reminisced about her favorite pastime.

"Don't worry girls. I so won't pull a Ric Flair and push you out of the way like he did with Stacy," Evelyn attested as she finished applying her make-up.

"Good to know," I murmured, still not totally sure what they were speaking of, but I didn't want to act like I was totally ignorant (even though I was).

"Aw, Nam. If Di picks on you, just remember, fall on the back," Carly said with a smile. I looked over at my new friend with annoyance. She just laughed slightly before almost patting me on the back until she thought better.

"You girls ready in here?" a backstage worker asked as he popped his head in the small dressing room.

"Are we?" Carly asked as she looked from me to Evelyn. I glanced at myself once more in the mirror. My silver shirt was low cut but went right past my elbows so it covered up the bruising nicely. Just enough makeup adorned my face to be pretty, not trashy. Capping off the outfit was a knee length black skirt and black ballet flats. It hurt too much to wear heels. I wouldn't make it out to the ring.

"I guess," I said as the three of us exited the room. We met with the rest of the girls at the "gorilla position". I don't have a clue what the name is for. All I know is that there's only a curtain and a few steps separating me from the mass of people watching the event. Trying to get my nerves in check, I looked over at the monitor that was displaying the action in the ring.

"DX! As far as you running this show anymore is concerned, I've got two words for ya: it's over!"

"He is so fine," Evelyn whispered in my ear as she looked at Randy Orton on the screen. I turned away and gave her a playful shove before turning my attention to the other girls. Everyone was nervous. Not so much for the musical chairs, but more for the elimination that was about to take place. We were all quickly taken away from our thoughts as Randy Orton, Lita, and Edge came through the curtain and almost trampled on top of us. I was pushed backwards and instantly felt a jolt of pain throughout my whole body.

"Sorry about that ladies. Didn't see you there," Orton replied as he bowed his head with a smirk and continued on his way. I grimaced in pain and tried to get myself together knowing that the competition was only a few minutes away.

"Alright, we're up," the host of our little segment told us. Still didn't catch his name… something like Mizan. No clue. We were going to go out during the commercial break so our segment didn't last long. Fine by me. The host went out first followed by the rest of us. I held up the rear of the line as I was still trying to get my body to function through the pain. Did the wrestlers do this every week… have to fight through the constant aches that your body endures? Must be intense.

"Hey Nami?"

I glanced briefly over my shoulder as I instantly recognized the voice.

"I'll be watching you."


	6. Separated From The Fear

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer: I don't own anything that has to do with the WWE. Thanks to everyone for reading and alana2awesome for the review. Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

"Please stop laughing. It wasn't that funny."

I pulled the cell phone away from my ear as my father's laughter continued from the other end. I had survived the first elimination. Unfortunately, so did Di. Serena Starr was the first victim. I didn't know her all that well. She kept to herself even more than I did and that was saying something. She seemed nice and thus I began to feel the first real wave of guilt wash over me. What if this was her childhood dream? What if I was stopping someone from doing the one thing they wanted more than anything else in the world? I needed to push those thoughts away very quickly is there was going to be any chance of me lasting.

"Dad, I really should be heading back to my room," I said with a sigh.

I really didn't want to hang up, but I knew that it was going to be another long day of traveling… and maybe even a little training tomorrow. And I was a little tired of hearing about the musical chair game from earlier tonight.

The final four, if by some ironic twist of fate, were myself, Carly, Evelyn, and Di. You couldn't have written it any better. Di and I ended up getting into a slight shouting match instead of actually circling the chairs and continuing the game. Even after the music stopped, we didn't fight for a seat cause we were too busy yelling at each other. Mike (finally learned the host's first name) ended up disqualifying us both. That got Di even more heated then she originally was. Nothing really came of it though. If she doesn't have an audience, she is all talk.

In the end, Evelyn ended up winning the game. Carly and I were quick to congratulate her in the ring when she was awarded immunity from next week's elimination. So I guess there was a reason for the game after all… other than us making fools out of ourselves.

"Alright, but call me when you land tomorrow. And try not to get into any more fights. Remember… you aren't really a wrestler," my father whispered into the phone like he was the one who needed to be careful with whatever he said.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence…I love you too… Goodnight."

I hung up the phone and sighed. Talking with my father made me become very homesick. Normally, he would only be an hour drive away. Now, I had no security blanket as he was unreachable.

"I know that look when I see it. Someone's homesick."

Maybe sitting in the lobby to make a call wasn't the best of ideas on my part. But seeing as Carly really wanted to get some sleep, I left her alone to rest. Also, I really didn't need someone overhearing my personal conversations. I guess I wasn't that cautious though. Yet unlike some of the previous encounters I had with some of the Superstars, this guy seemed actually interested.

"Yeah. That was my father," I said as I fiddled with the phone in my grasp.

"That's the one part of the business that never gets any easier. But your home will always be there when you return," he said with legitimate interest and care in his voice.

I looked over at him for the first time and immediately was shocked that such deep concern could come from such a… unique individual. Yet even with the piercings, brightly colored hair, and even some remnants of paint, he was very attractive.

"Umm… yeah. I guess you would know," I said with a smile. I was tiptoeing as I spoke as I really didn't know who he was. I really needed to brush up on my Superstar names at least… and quick.

"You're Nami right?" he asked, his rich southern accent shining through. I couldn't help but smile at the fact that he knew my name even though I had no clue who he was.

"Yeah… Nami Shepherd," I answered as I held out my hand in a friendly gesture. He smiled and shook my hand in return.

"Jeff Hardy," he said, in a tone that gave away that he believed I already knew it. I just laughed slightly and smiled as he took a seat next to me on one of the lobby's many sofas. A little bit of awkward silence fell over us, but I knew that I needed to get over my fear of being scared to talk to WWE employees. How would I ever be able to write my "breakthrough piece" if I couldn't even get up the courage to talk to my subjects?

"My dad was just ragging on me for the incident in the ring tonight. He found it quite humorous," I said with a laugh.

"I would have to agree with him there. But… it was actually… I don't know a perfect way to end it. There always needs to be a little controversy," he said.

"Yeah well… she deserved it."

"If I may be so bold, what caused your little shouting an' shoving match?" Jeff asked with a slight chuckle.

"Well, if you couldn't tell already, we really don't get along all that well."

"No? You could have fooled me," he answered sarcastically. I smiled and laughed genuinely for the first time since I had arrived in the WWE. Jeff Hardy was certainly a much needed breath of fresh air.

"She just said some stuff about my in-ring abilities… or lack thereof. And I don't know why it bothered me so much but, I got a little heated. In hindisght, I see that I gave her exactly what she wanted. She always needs to be the center of attention and by me getting riled up, she got it."

"I see. Well, if I could offer some advice… don't let people like her bug you. If you think that she is bad, let me tell you that you will come across much worse," Jeff replied as his voice took a much more serious tone. "Not everyone is going to accept you in the business with open arms. Now in days, the ways to get into the WWE seem… well a little more varied and sometimes seemingly easier than they used to be. Some people see your way as the 'easy way'. I think that's the reason Vince has ya'll training so hard. He wants you to work for it and prove not just to yourselves, but everyone that you belong."

"I am working for it. I have the bruises to prove it," I said as I slightly winced from even mentioning my pain.

"I can say that I know that look as well," he said with a chuckle.

"Does it ever get easier?"

"You get used to it," he said, returning the smile that was plastered on my face.

"Hopefully sooner rather than later," I said as I shifted slightly in my seat. Everything was still aching, even with the day off from intense training and all the painkillers I had been taking.

"I've been wrestling since I was eight and I still wake up sore almost every morning after a show. So, unless you have some secret…" he posed with a grin.

"Sorry, no secrets here," I answered with a nervous laugh. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

"Well on that note, I think I better turn in. I'll see you around some time," Jeff said as he rose up off the sofa. I followed his lead and got up as well.

"Sure, even though I don't think I am really supposed to be talking to the Superstars… said something about it in the contract," I muttered but he just laughed it off.

"I won't tell if you won't."

"It's a deal," I said. He smiled and pulled me into a friendly hug, all the while being mindful that I was most likely bruised all over.

"Thanks for the talk," I said as we pulled back and began slowly walking toward the elevators.

"No need to thank me. Ever since I have gotten back, I feel like even though I've been wrestling most of my life, I have to prove myself all over again. Like all the respect that was once gained needs to be gained again. So let's just say I know what it's like to feel like you don't belong."

"Well, if it means anything, you have my full respect," I answered truthfully. He flashed me a smile that made me feel like I was melting to the floor.

"Well… I think that I am going to just walk around a little. Need to get rid of some excess energy," I said as he hit the up button next to the elevator.

"Don't stay up too late. The worst thing for a newbie is getting burned out too quickly. Took me years for it to happen and when it did, it almost killed my desire to wrestle...almost," he said with a small grin. I laughed and gave him one last small hug before he got in the awaiting elevator.

Jeff Hardy certainly made me feel more comfortable with everything. He was a tried and true veteran who took time out to talk to a "newbie". A true class act if there ever was one.

I paced around the lobby for a few minutes, trying to get my mind to stop racing. I knew that I should probably either go write about tonight's events in my journal or go to sleep like Jeff had suggested. Yet I just wasn't in the mood to do either.

I turned the corner and walked past the hotel's cafeteria towards the restrooms. The restroom area was a small lobby in itself. The door was open to the area which included a few sofas, vanity desks, and mirrors lining most of the walls. It also led to the two restrooms. Yet even so, it was a very secluded area of the hotel this time of night (or should I say morning). I turned to face one of the mirrors that was adorning the wall. I stared at the tight fitting lavender sweat suit that I was wearing yet knew that that was not what I wanted to look at. Slowly, I unzipped the hoodie and threw it on the nearby sofa.

Standing alone just staring at the reflection of a mentally and physically battered girl, it took a lot not to break down. I have always been a little oversensitive so it was no wonder that the littlest thing these past days would set me off. Emotional roller coaster was the understatement of the year.

"Someone's a little bruised."

I couldn't help the involuntary groan that left my lips. I really wasn't in the mood.

"Thanks for noticing. You can leave now," I said as I continued to stare at my own reflection.

"A little testy aren't we this evening? Did talking with Hardy get you all wound up?" he asked suggestively. I could only turn and stare at him incredulously. Not only was he way out of line by his comment, but how did he know about our conversation unless...

"I told you I would be watching you," he answered, as he sensed the questions that were running through my mind.

"You seriously need to get a life," I muttered while turning back around to face the mirror. I couldn't understand for the life of me what his fascination with me was. It was quite unnerving knowing that I always had to have my guard up. But… in a way, it was somewhat flattering, even though if ever asked I would adamantly deny it.

While I had become lost in all my dissonant thoughts, I forgot about my companion. Thus I didn't notice him come up behind me until he ran his fingers along my bruised skin. I hissed in pain which caused a slight chuckle to escape his lips.

"I remember this. Got to learn how to fall if you're going to be a wrestler," he said staring at the reflection of my eyes.

"Don't you think I know that!" I snapped at him, which just caused more laughter.

"Maybe you should talk with Hardy more often. I like this side of you... so much better than the girl I met last week," he said. I was beyond annoyed. So I was only acting on impulse when I jammed my elbow into his ribs lightly to get him to back off. _What was I thinking?_ While I was left writhing in absolute, white hot pain, he was laughing anew. I knew that I couldn't win with him.

"Okay… If you won't leave… I will," I said through gasps for air as I was still in intense pain. I grabbed my discarded sweatshirt and started to walk to the exit yet didn't get far before he grasped my hand in his.

"Hey wait," he said softly. I still refused to turn back around and look at him even though he was still holding onto my hand. We stood silent for a few moments as he was trying to figure out what to say. I was trying to keep my anger and physical pain in check as I waited for him to make a move.

"I'm waiting," I said slightly annoyed at the fact that I was still here with him.

"I see that," he said, as his smile came through his tone. We stood for a few more moments, my back to him, before I heard him sigh and felt him let go of my hand.

"Before you leave, I just…" he stopped when I turned to face him.

"You just?" I asked with a small smile. No matter how much he irritated me, there was something about him that hit me deep inside. I couldn't stay mad at him, no matter how much I wanted to.

"I just thought… never mind," he muttered softly and turned away from me. It was my turn to sigh. I did something that I don't think either of us expected me to do. I walked over and stood in front of him.

"Tell me," I said gently. He smiled and nodded his head.

"I thought that maybe we could start over," he said, flashing his million dollar smile. All I could do was smile back, yet he didn't want to just accept that as an answer.

"Should I take that as a yes?" he posed. I still didn't respond. After a whole week of plaguing my thoughts, I didn't want to make it easy for him. He sure as hell didn't make my first week easy for me.

"I know you have no reason to be anything but hostile to me. I've made more than an ass of myself… and I am not saying that I haven't lost my initial suspicions. You're different, but… maybe it's not a bad thing."

I continued to just stare into his eyes.

"Yeah, well… I don't know what else…" he started but I quickly interrupted him.

"Nami Shepherd," I said as I held out my hand with a smile. If he wanted to start over, I decided that we should do it right. I don't know why I was conceding to him. He's been nothing but paranoid and uncouth to me the few times that I have seen him. Yet after my time with Jeff, I realized that maybe I should give everyone a chance… no matter how much of an ass he might be.

He responded to my gesture with a huge smile of his own and reaching out to grasp my hand in his own once more.

"Adam Copeland."


	7. Fade Into Our Secret Place

_A.N. - Normal Disclaimer... WWE owns everything besides the characters which are my own. Thanks for the people who added the story and who have been reading. Peace and Love!!_

* * *

"Finally you call me! It's been over a week!"

I sighed into my cell phone and shook my head. Danielle seemed quite upset at my lack of communication. She didn't realize the constant scrutiny I was undergoing. Even though I felt a little more secure with myself after speaking with Jeff and sorting things out with Adam, my constant fear of being discovered was still unwavering. This was my only moment of alone spare time since arriving back in Kentucky… and it was Saturday night.

"I am sorry, but it's hard to find time for a break around here. And it's not like I can talk to you with everyone around. My big mouth would definitely get me in trouble," I said with a laugh.

From now on, I was implementing a five-second rule when answering questions about the WWE with its employees. I needed to make sure I didn't sound too ignorant.

"So… you must have some great stories to tell me," Danielle practically squealed into the phone. Always looking for gossip. She could care less about all my pain from the training as long as she got a juicy story.

"Nothing really to report," I muttered, knowing that it would drive her crazy.

"I hate you, you know that right?" she said sarcastically as she pouted on the other end.

"Love you too."

"Now… come on… spill!" she said anxious to hear anything about my stay.

"Call Steven and then I'll tell all… well mostly all," I said with a smile.

"Ooo… you are even going to hide stuff from your friends? You really are devious," Danielle said jokingly. I laughed as I heard her quickly dialing Steven's number so we could have a three-way conversation. There was no reason for me to have to repeat the same stories twice. Besides, I really missed my friends. I even missed hanging out every week to watch wrestling. I guess it's true that you sometimes don't know a good thing until it's gone.

"Ellie-belly what's up?" Steven said as he picked up the phone.

"Nothing much," Danielle said, playing it cool as she didn't want him to know that I was actually a part of the conversation.

"You hear from our M.I.A compadre yet? I seriously think that she is lying dead somewhere and the WWE just doesn't want to announce it," he said.

"Hey! I take offense to that comment!" I replied with a chuckle.

"Oh my God! Nami! Sorry, but we were beginning to think that you had died."

"Almost… hanging in there though."

"Okay, okay, okay! Now that I have called the drama queen, can you _please_ just spill all of the gossip. I know that you are hurting and in pain and blah, blah, blah… that's part of being a wrestler, hun. What I want to know is if you have met a certain WWE champion yet?" she asked dreamily.

"You are such a rabid fan girl… so insane," I grinned. I let a few moments of silence stretch by.

"Well?" Danielle exclaimed impatiently.

"Nothing really more to report than what I told you last week. I really don't think I have actually seen him since."

"I think you are the insane one! What? Why? How!?"

"You know, we're not supposed to be hanging around with the Superstars."

"Like you are there to follow the rules and actually get the contract."

"So true," Steven imparted.

"Yeah well, the way I've been acting… I already have people watching my every move."

"I don't want to sound like a broken record or anything but… What? Why!? How!?!" Danielle asked actually stunned by my admission.

"I told you people would notice. But, _no_! You two were _so positive_ that no one would suspect a thing or even care about me. Boy, were you guys off," I scoffed lightheartedly.

"Come on now. We haven't talked to you in so long. Let's skip to a better topic. Umm… how about a certain Legend…"

"You are just as bad as Dani!" I laughed as I interrupted Steven's query about Randy. "Again, haven't really seen him since last week."

"That ship has sailed babe. She pissed him off too much," Danielle said to Steven who made a noise of disapproval.

"Guys, I need not remind you that you two are the reasons that I am here in the first place. And this isn't about hobnobbing with the Superstars, it's about getting my story and getting out. I am actually trying to do my job," I whispered into the phone. Even though I was outside and alone, I could never be too cautious.

"I guess you're right. Still if I was you, I would've…"

"We all know what you would have done Dani and that is why I got stuck doing this," I said bitterly to emphasize my discomfort.

"Okay, okay… well since you have obviously been avoiding every one of the beautiful Superstars like the plague, you can at least tell us how your training is going," Steven said trying to break up the animosity that was building between myself and Danielle.

"Umm… okay. You remember on Raw how I was wearing a longer sleeved shirt than most of the girls? Well…"

I proceeded to tell them the whole story about last week's Raw. They laughed, I almost cried, but then Danielle asked the question that I was dreading.

"So, how_ did_ you learn to fall?"

It could've been summed up in one word, but I didn't know if I wanted to tell them.

"It… it just got easier," I lied.

I don't think they bought it either, but they quickly moved on to describing things that happened to them in the past week. But my mind couldn't concentrate on my friends. It was still stuck on the one thing that I refused to tell my friends: Adam.

* * *

_Five Days Ago..._

_"Well, I should go. Have an early flight back to the training facility tomorrow," I said as I let go of Adam's hand._

_"Ah yes… training. Hopefully this week will go better than the last," he said with a smirk. Yet unlike our previous encounter, there was no hostility or malice in his tone._

_"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I commented dryly._

_"Hey, I have every faith in your abilities," he said with a laugh._

_"Uh-huh. Whatever you say Copeland," I said as I turned around to leave the secluded area. Even though it was only one in the morning, there was nobody but myself in Adam around. Earlier when I had left the lobby, there weren't that many people either. Guess everyone in Columbia, South Carolina goes to sleep at reasonable times. Lucky them._

_"You want some help?" Adam asked quietly. I stopped walking yet didn't turn back to look at him. When I heard him unzip his fleece pullover, I turned around and shot him a questioning glare._

_"Huh?"_

_"I'll help you… right here, right now. You wouldn't want to fall behind," he jokingly said as he walked past me to the door and shut it. When I heard the lock click, I began to get very uncomfortable. What if someone needed to use the restroom and couldn't because of us? Why did I even care about that? I didn't really… I just didn't feel comfortable being alone with him right now._

_"That's... uh… very nice, but I think I'm…" I stopped speaking when he slightly shoved me to the ground. And of course, my normal reflexes kicked in and I ended up on my ass and elbows._

_"Fuck! Are you insane!?" I yelled at him._

_"Shh... do you want everyone in this place to hear you?" he asked quietly as he pulled me to my feet._

_"I wasn't ready," I pouted softly._

_"You aren't always going to be ready. Matches… they may be thought out beforehand, but not blow by blow. You need to know how to…" He shoved me again and once again, my elbows took the brunt of the impact._

_"Fall," he sighed in frustration. He pulled me upright once more._

_"Can you at least let me know when you are going to do that?" I asked with a little pout._

_He just laughed at my attempt but then answered seriously._

_"No."_

_"Okay. I've had enough. I'm…" He did it again! Same result. When he tried to pull me up this time, I was not as willing as I had been. Surprisingly, this came as a shock to him and thus he ended up toppling down on me. He quickly settled himself so while he was still leaning over my body, I was not being pressed down by his weight._

_His face was only a few centimeters from mine and I felt myself turn into a bundle of nerves. He didn't make things much easier for me. He wouldn't get up. My expression turned from one of shock, to fear, to embarrassment, and finally to annoyance in a matter of seconds. He lifted up a little yet would not get totally off of me._

_I lifted my arms up and tried to push him off but was unsuccessful and flopped back down to the carpet. Yet this time, my elbows were unscathed. He leaned down once more so that his mouth was right next to my ear. Good thing he couldn't see that my face had just turned into a bright shade of red._

_"You did it," Adam whispered. I smiled as he quickly got off of me and pulled me to my feet. My face was still a dark shade of pink and I hoped that he believed it was because of the all the falling._

_"Not really. I was already on the ground," I murmured._

_"But it's the same motion. Don't use your elbows. Pretend you can't, like you had to just now. And then you…"_

_Staring up at him from the carpet, I could only smile. Finally, I didn't have a reason to loathe him._

* * *

"Nami! Are you even listening?!" Danielle's voice awoke my mind from my reverie. Ever since that night, I haven't had that much trouble falling. There are always a few instances every now and again where the elbows will come down, but all in all I was cured from being normal! 

"Sorry I was just thinking about…" I caught myself before I said his name, but it was enough for the vultures to pick it apart.

"Who?" Steven asked curiously.

"No one. Please just drop it," I pleaded yet knew that it was falling on deaf ears.

"Oh come on. We are your best friends! You have to tell us who you are crushing on," Danielle said. It wasn't like that with Adam. I wasn't "crushing on" him. I was just thinking about him incessantly. There's a difference, or at least that is what I kept telling myself.

"Just leave it be. I'll tell you about it once there is something to tell."

"Oh, so there are some intentions with this mystery man?" Danielle asked trying to hide her overall excitement that I had found something good in wrestling.

"Give it up. I am not saying another word about him."

"At least we know that you have in fact seen the light. Isn't wrestling great?" Steven asked.

"Honestly… I really still don't like it. I mean, I feel a sense of accomplishment that I am getting better but still…"

"You'll change your tune eventually. If not, I am sure your mystery man will be more than happy to aid you," Danielle responded.

"Keep dreaming. Well… I better go. I don't want to raise any more suspicion."

"Okay love," Danielle replied softly.

We all said our goodbyes after I promised to phone them Monday night after Raw. I made my way back into the house where the ten… I mean nine… of us were inhabiting. Everyone was relaxing as the trainers promised us a long day of work tomorrow.

Not only did we have falling in our repertoire, we learned how to do a light grapple and a few throws. Yet everything came back to falling. So all my thoughts for the whole week were once again centered on Adam. Unlike last week, his words didn't haunt me and drive me to the brink of insanity. He now was a welcome guiding voice that helped me learn to just let go and fall.


	8. Ignorance Will Stop Bleeding Through

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer. I own nothing that has to do with the WWE. This chapter uses dialogue right from the October 16, 2006 episode of Raw. Thanks to "unlimited emerald0307" for the review and everyone for reading. Peace and Love!

* * *

_

"Boring…Boring…Boring."

Writing seemed impossible. Carly and Evelyn wouldn't sit still and be quiet for one minute ever since we arrived at the Staples Center. The nine of us were split into two groups and given small (and when I mean small I mean like the size of a walk-in closet) dressing rooms for the night. Di was originally supposed to be the fourth member of this room's group yet she declined. Not wanting to go against her, the rest of the girls stayed instead of someone taking her spot. It didn't bother us all that much. It was just weird that they felt they needed to follow her lead.

"It's a beautiful day out in LA and we are stuck here. This is stupid," Carly ranted as she paced the small confines of our room.

"Calm down. We aren't here on vacation," Evelyn said. The two were going back and forth for an hour now.

"Hopefully they will call for us soon so we can leave this room," I said as I locked my journal and put it back in my bag. I couldn't concentrate on writing with all their badgering. And who knows? They might become really bored and want to know what I had been writing. That would be bad.

"I think it's stupid that they don't want us to leave. What are they afraid of?" Carly ranted again.

"They don't want us to talk to anyone. Remember our contracts?" I said which just earned two groans from both of my friends.

"That's a bunch of bullshit. We are trying to be a part of the company. We should be able to be around the Superstars. And besides, they didn't have a problem with us being around them last week," Carly said. And she was right. We were allowed to be in the catering room last week while waiting for our turn. But we didn't arrive to the arena until almost show time. It is only three and the show doesn't start until six.

"Whatever. Let's talk about something else. Like how we should tear up the town tonight when all three of us are still here," Evelyn said with a confident smile.

"Easy for you to say. You have immunity, remember?" Carly said cynically.

"You two are going to last. If anyone should be eliminated it should be…"

"Di," all three of us said at the same time. We all burst into fits of laughter so much so that we didn't notice someone bursting through the door until they fell into our laps… literally.

"Sorry ladies, but do you mind if I chill here for awhile?" John Cena asked as he quickly got up from where he landed on top of me and Evelyn.

"Umm… sure," I said with a questioning look. The three of us girls didn't know what to do or say so we sat in silence for a few moments. I wasn't sure what to do. I knew that I needed to be careful but nothing came out about my true identity when I talked with Jeff and Adam. So what harm could come from talking to him?

"So… nice place you have here. I came in here cause I thought it was probably the janitor's closet or something. Doesn't seem big enough for a dressing room," John said with a laugh as he looked around our confining quarters.

"Tell me about it," I muttered sardonically which earned a chuckle from the WWE Champion. "And the worst part is that we are stuck in here until they come for us." My two friends stared at me in shock that I was speaking to him, especially since I was the one who had lectured them about hanging out with the Superstars. Hey, he came to us, not the other way around.

"The show doesn't start for like three hours," he said.

"Yeah… and our segment is set near the end, right after the Divas match I think. So… yeah, it sucks," I finished with a sigh. He was about to say something, but was interrupted by noise coming from the hallway.

"Cena! Where the fuck are you?!"

"Was that…" I started to ask.

"Orton? Yeah. That's the reason I am laying low," he answered with a laugh. The three of us gave him questioning looks and he knew that we wanted the reason.

"Don't worry your pretty little heads about it. It's just guy stuff," he said. Almost right after he said it, there was a loud knock at the door.

"Wonder who that is," I muttered, which prompted John to look around and find a place to hide. Yet in such small confines, that was not an easy feat.

"Open up," Randy bellowed from beyond the door. I gave John a look as I had no clue what he wanted me to do. "Cena, I know you are in here!"

"Does he?" I whispered to John which earned a shake of his head.

"Give me a sec," he said before getting up off the small sofa and pushing it away from the wall enough so he could hide on the ground. All three of us stared at each other with humor in our eyes. Why was he so adamant about hiding from Randy? More pounding at the door startled us.

"Open it," John whispered softly, safe behind the sofa. Carly and Evelyn sat down on the sofa and gave me a gesture to open the door. I sighed and knew what I had to do.

"I said open the fuck…" As soon as the door opened, Randy stopped his yelling. I gave him a look, trying to hide any trace of amusement in my features. I didn't open the door all the way. I figured it would be safer if he didn't even see the inside. You can never be too cautious.

"Hi… I'm sorry about… all that I was just…" Randy stammered as he really didn't expect anybody but John to be hiding in a "closet".

"Looking for John, I could hear," I finished with a slight smile.

"Yeah. Um, we were never_ formally_ introduced," he said, referring to the first day of the competition. I just laughed slightly remembering what he was referring to.

"Ah, yes. Nami Shepherd," I said, holding my hand out. Yet unlike the previous Superstars that I had encountered, he took it but not for a handshake. He lifted it up to his lips and planted a soft kiss right below my knuckles.

"It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance," he said. I rolled my eyes slightly at his gentlemanly attitude. It was a big change from the cursing hot-head whom was pounding on the door a few moments prior.

"Whatever you say," I said with a laugh as he let go of my hand. He gave me one of his trademark grins and leaned his hand against the door jamb.

"So, what exactly are you doing in there?" Randy asked suggestively, motioning to the room with his head. I didn't want to know what he thought I was doing so I told him the truth, minus the part about John.

"It's my dressing room for the night," I answered which earned a laugh from Randy.

"No, really," he asked again.

"Don't believe me?" I asked as I opened the door all the way so he could see the other two Divas in Training along with our stuff for tonight's show.

"That's fucking hilarious," he said with a laugh which earned a glare from all three of us. I quickly shut the door most of the way again.

"Look, as you can see, we haven't seen John. If we do, we'll tell him you are looking for him," I said as he continued to laugh slightly. I rolled my eyes again and went to leave yet he used his free hand to stop me.

"Wait. Where are the rest of…"

"Down the hall a little further, in a slightly bigger version of our closet," I said which just caused another bit of laughter from him. "We finished?"

"Someone's a little testy. But I got to be going anyway. Have to resume my search. I'll catch you later," he said as he pushed off of the door jamb and smirked down at me. I just flashed him a small smile and reentered the dressing room.

"He gone?" John whispered still from behind the sofa.

"Yeah, he's gone," I replied. He popped up from his hiding place and straightened out his attire.

"I owe you all big time," John said with smile.

"Don't worry about it. It was no problem," I replied with a shrug of my shoulders.

"You handled yourself really well. I was impressed that you didn't let on that I was here," John said as he retook his original seat on the sofa. He didn't notice the dreamy look on both Evelyn and Carly's faces as he squeezed in between the two of them.

"Yeah well, I think he was just a little flustered that there were actually people in here," I said as I took a seat at the makeshift vanity that we made for ourselves. It consisted of a metal folding chair, a few boxes, and a small mirror that Carly had in her bag.

"It is pretty surprising. Why can't you girls just room with the other divas or something?" he asked. I waited a few seconds to see if either of the two closer to John were going to say anything, but they remained silent, seemingly star struck. I guess if you love wrestling like they do, seeing the champion up close and personal is a big thrill.

"We aren't exactly supposed to associate with the talent," I said with a small smile. He just laughed.

"You serious?" John asked with a disbelieving grin. I just nodded and he shook his head. "I guess I can see why Vince would want to separate you guys since you aren't officially part of the company yet. But on the other hand, you are working your asses off all week for this contract. It's not like the times before when all it was games and laughs where the winner gets trained. That being said, how_ is_ the training going?"

Again I looked at my two friends to see if they wanted to say anything. Evelyn opened and closed her mouth a few times and Carly was still lost in her own thoughts. "Training is rough but we are all keeping with it. Its tough cause there are no breaks at all. Like tomorrow after our flight, depending on when we get back we might have to train."

"That is pretty intense, but it will pay off," John said. "So, how you two doing?"

"Alright," Carly squeaked. John just smiled at her before turning to Evelyn who nodded. I gave both of them a look. But I guess if Christian Bale was sitting right next to me on a couch asking me how I was doing, I would be lost for words as well. Sometimes it paid off not to be a WWE fan.

"Okay then," John said returning his attention to me. "So any idea of what your challenge will be tonight?"

"Nope. They just said that tonight we weren't going to know until we went out there," I answered. Last week, we were at least warned ahead of time that we would be going to the ring to play musical chairs. Now, we weren't so lucky.

"Man you girls aren't getting any breaks," he said. Yet before he could continue, there was another knock at the door.

"Do you think it's Randy?" I whispered to John who just shrugged. I got up and went to the door. John got up off the sofa yet didn't hide just yet. No sense jumping to conclusions. I opened the door and was pleasantly surprised at who I found behind it.

"Hey… what are you…?"

"Doing here? It's sort of my dressing room for tonight," I responded with a slight smile. He just laughed. "Yeah, we're getting a lot of that tonight."

"We?" Adam asked. I opened the door all the way and he took it as an invitation to join us. John had already rejoined the girls on the couch after hearing that it wasn't Randy at the door.

"Hey Copeland. What are you doing here?" John asked as he gave his friend a handshake greeting.

"Actually, I was looking for you," Adam said as he took my original seat in the folding chair. I started to lean against the wall next to the chair but Adam reached out and gently pulled me towards him.

"Sit. I won't bite." I blushed slightly as he pulled me down on his knee. All three of the sofa's occupants shot me amused glances to which I just smiled.

"You were looking for me?" John asked, resuming the conversation.

"Yeah. Orton was looking for you and said that drinks were on him tonight if I could find you," Adam said with a smirk.

"John, what is this all about?" I asked directing my question to John. He sighed and looked as if he was ready to answer.

"Randy bet John a hundred bucks that he couldn't hide from him backstage until the five o'clock meetings," Adam answered.

"Thanks, but I didn't realize that your name was John," I said with a laugh.

"That's the reason you're hiding?" Carly asked, finally finding her voice.

"Yeah. I know, I know. It sounds pretty stupid but I never turn down a bet. And so far, when it comes to Randy, I am still undefeated in that department," he answered.

"So do you plan on hanging out here until then?" I asked.

"Never really thought of the long term," John said. I looked down at my watch and noticed that with all the commotion, it was now quarter to four. "I mean… if you don't mind…"

"We'd love for you to stay," Evelyn said quickly with a huge smile. He just laughed.

"Then it's settled," he said leaning back against the couch.

"You're welcome to stay too, Adam," Carly said.

"I plan on it."

* * *

"Okay. Am I the only one who feels just a little awkward being here?" 

Carly and Evelyn were too busy looking around the room to answer my question. After five o'clock rolled around and John was able to leave the confines of our dressing room, he and Adam left for the meeting. Before he left, he promised that he would make it up to us. True to his word, after their meeting was over he came back to our dressing room and helped us gather our things. That put us where we are now: in his dressing room. Well, his dressing room that he shares with Randy and Adam. The latter two roomates didn't know that their area had three new occupants as they had been in make-up for a while and wouldn't make it back before the show started.

"What did you say?" Carly asked as she just realized that I had been speaking to her.

"I just said that…"

"Hey ladies. Show's about to start," John said as he re-entered the room, fresh bottle of water in hand.

"Never mind," I mumbled to Carly as the three of us sat down on the much more comfortable couch on one side of the room.

"Thanks again John… for letting us stay here," Evelyn said. John just winked and turned the volume up on the television as Lillian Garcia started to announce the first match of the night. Yet DX's music interrupted.

"I am so happy they resurrected DX. They are still my favorite tag team of all time," Carly said with a smile as she watched Triple H and Shawn Michaels come out from the curtain.

"Wait a second, that's…" I couldn't finish my sentence as all of us broke out in some form of laughter, the three of us girls much more than John.

"They are so going to get their asses whipped," Evelyn said as she watched Randy and Adam imitate their rivals.

"Wait till they hear that one," John said which caused Evelyn to tense a little. "Just kidding." We continued to laugh as we watched them strut their stuff and get into the ring. Adam and Randy both looked ridiculous in their outfits. The leather chaps that Randy had over his wrestling trunks were hilarious. But the best item: Adam's fake plastic nose and massive side burns.

"Did you know about this?" I asked John, not turning my attention away from the television.

"Yeah. Didn't see them in their outfits until now though," he answered with a laugh as Adam fell flat on his back in the ring. Those two were crazy and I had to admit: I was entertained. There I finally admitted it. Pro-wrestling was entertaining… sometimes.

_"Are you ready?"_ Adam roared in the middle of the ring.

"Oh my God. This is priceless," Evelyn said through her laughter. "But that nose needs to go."

"I second that," I said as I continued to watch Adam and Randy in the ring.

"Thank God. He took it off," Carly said with a laugh.

"So, since you knew that they were going to do this, you probably know what is going to happen?" I asked John as Adam ranted in the middle of the ring.

"Maybe," John answered with sly grin on his face. I knew that there was no way I was going to get any information out of him so I just turned back to the television.

_"We are the two most talented men in this industry!"_

"I might have to disagree with that one," John said and the three of us laughed at his comment. "And I think the crowd agrees with me." The crowd was really letting Adam and Randy have it, but it only fueled their fire.

"So what is your part in the show tonight?" Carly asked John, as we continued to watch Adam and Randy make fun of the crowd and their beloved DX.

"Well, I would tell you… but that would ruin the surprise," he told her with a smile.

"Meanie," she mumbled jokingly under her breath.

_"So… for all you people out there that applaud DX, that wear DX's merchandise, we have got two words for ya,"_ Randy said before turning to Adam.

_"You suck!"_

"Oh that is not going to go over well," Evelyn said, totally enthralled in what was happening in the ring. It was like my grandmother when she watched her favorite soap opera. She couldn't be disturbed and hung on every line.

It was no surprise when DX's music hit shortly after and the real Triple H and Shawn Michaels came out.

"_Now_, they are going to get their asses whipped," Carly said, reiterating Evelyn's statement from a few minutes ago.

As I watched them come to the ring and listened to my three companions talk about wrestling, I began to feel homesick once more. It was Monday night and I knew exactly where my two best friends were at this exact moment. They were sitting in Steven's living room with their eyes glued to his big screen television that he bought for the sole purpose of watching wrestling. And that is when I had a great idea.

"Hey John. You know how earlier you said that you owed me one?" I asked him with a small smile.

"Yeah, I do believe I said that," he responded.

"Well, would you do me a huge favor?" I asked him with the biggest smile I could muster.

"Depends on what it is, but I would be more than happy to," he answered. I smiled and went over to my bag and pulled out my cell phone. I hit Danielle's phone number and put it to my ear.

"You know that you are interrupting Randy Orton time! This better be important"

"Nice to talk to you too," I said with a smile. "And I thought that your heart belonged to a certain WWE Champion." John looked over at me and instantly understood what my favor was. He just smiled and reached out his hand.

"Of course it does but…" I took the phone from my ear and handed it to John.

"Well, I guess I will let that lapse of judgment slide this once," John said into the phone, obviously commenting on Danielle's appreciation of Randy Orton. I just mouthed a 'thank you' to John and sat back down.

"Yes, this is John Cena," he said with a laugh. I couldn't help but smile. She must be going crazy right now. I was happy that I was able to actually do something right.

"That was really sweet," Evelyn whispered to me. I just nodded and turned my attention back to the screen.

_"Actually, in all fairness to Lita, she was able to get him half-aroused… Oh, I'm sorry I guess that's actually fully aroused,"_ Triple H told Adam in the ring. I had to laugh as I actually remembered watching that episode of Raw and commenting to my friends how far those twenty minutes set back the moral standards of what television should be. They just rolled their eyes at me then and I was beginning to somewhat agree with them now.

"What do you think about your lover boy now?" John asked me with a laugh and I shot him a surprised glance. Oh great… Danielle definitely heard that.

"Huh? Oh I was talking about…" I grabbed the phone before he could say another word.

"Shhh! What are you telling her that for?" I asked him as I held my hand over the phone.

"Aw, come on. I think it's cute the way you two were flirting earlier. I mean if you're worried about him and Amy, they aren't together anymore. I think that he really…"

"No. That's not it… I mean yeah it sort of is, but… I really don't need her knowing about my crush on Adam," I said, but as soon as the words came out I knew I was in way over my head.

"I knew you liked him!" Carly exclaimed loudly.

"Shit. Me and my big mouth," I murmured and then realized I was still holding on to my phone. "Here, be nice, say goodbye, and don't mention Adam!"

"Yes, ma'am," he said mockingly with a salute and everything. "Hey, you there…Yeah sorry about that. I think I lost the signal for a second."

"_It's actually a fact. If you go on any search engine and you put in 'Randy Orton Gay Community', you'll get all kinds of stuff… or so I've been told. Things like...like this_," Triple H said as they showed a very revealing picture of Randy Orton in a towel.

"Now, that is hot," Carly said as her mouth dropped open.

"I think your friend just collapsed from heart failure," John said as he handed the phone back to me.

"Hey Dani?" I asked as I put the phone back to my ear.

"Thank you," she said and I could tell that she was almost near tears. I started to get choked up myself as I knew that it meant a lot to her.

"Don't mention it. But I better go… I will call you after the show okay? Wish me luck… Love you too… Bye."

"Oh my God. These pictures keep getting better and better," Carly said as the second picture of Randy in a towel was shown.

"Hey John. Thanks a lot for doing that. It meant a lot to her… and me," I said with a smile.

"It was no problem… and it definitely wasn't a big favor. I was expecting you to ask me to FU that girl you have been having problems with… which I would have had to decline from," he said. I laughed at his suggestion and Evelyn and Carly both agreed that that would be a great way for him to repay us. Yet we knew it was all in fun. Besides, he had already done so much by letting us stay here.

"_And boys, if you think even for one second you're going to kill the legend that is Degeneration-X, well then we've just got two words…"_ Shawn said before they were both attacked by Randy and Adam. It didn't last long asthey quickly got the upper hand and Randy and Adam quickly left the ring to head up the ramp.

"Well, I guess that means we will have some company soon," John said, shooting a grin in my direction.

"Actually, we have to go and meet the others," I said as I looked at the clock.

"Shit! We're going to be late," Carly said as she picked up her heels and quickly strapped them on. The three of us had changed into our attire for tonight when John and Adam were at their meeting. So luckily if we hustled, we could maybe make it on time.

"Just tell them you were with me," John said.

"That would get us in more trouble. Our contracts, remember?" I asked him as I checked my reflection one last time before heading to the door. Right as I opened it and proceeded to try and walk through, I was thrown back when I hit the very muscular chest of Randy Orton. Neither Randy nor Adam knew that John had relocated us to their dressing room, so to say that he was shocked to see us was an understatement. Probably since the last time he saw us, we were in a little hole in the wall.

"Whoa. What's the rush?" Adam asked as I pushed past Randy and started to walk down the hallway.

"Hold your horses, lover boy. We have a meeting to get to," Carly said as she pushed me down the hallway. We needed to rush if we were going to make it, but I couldn't get what she had told Adam out of my mind. Lover boy? If I thought I was dead before, I was just lowered six feet under the ground.

"We need to talk about that later," I whispered to Carly as the three of us made it to the catering room and sat next to our fellow trainees.

"He likes you… you like him. Case closed," she whispered back. Yet before I could respond, Vince McMahon came into the room and I knew that everything would have to wait until later.


	9. Try To Consume Myself In This

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I own nothing that has to do with the WWE. This chapter is the second part of Raw from the previous chapter. It is a little lengthy but I think it is my best chapter yet. Thanks to "XtremeGirl619" and "alana2awesome" for their reviews and to everyone for reading! Peace and Love.

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"The 2006 quarter-million dollar WWE Diva Search is in Los Angeles!! Now, for the past couple of weeks, WWE fans have been voting for their favorite Diva Search contestant. And tonight is the second elimination. So let's bring out the contestants!"

The nine of us were piled into the gorilla position right beyond the curtain waiting for Mike to call our name. This was it: the second elimination. And unlike last week, I was actually very nervous. I think it was because I was starting to feel comfortable here. I was making friends and meeting new people and as much as I hated to admit it, I was beginning to have fun.

"And last but certainly not least... Nami!"

I pushed back the curtain and took my place on the stage beside Carly, smiling and waving as I went. We were all told to wear something casual and comfortable. Some clearly didn't get the memo. I settled on a nice white sundress with white flip-flops. It might have seemed plain to some, but I wasn't going to change my style to appease the general public. This was who I was: take me or leave me.

"Alright ladies… this is it. One of you did not get enough votes to move on to the next round. Now, not everyone is up for elimination tonight. Evelyn, you were the winner of the Diva Musical Chairs contest last week and thus have immunity from this elimination. Well, let's get to it?"

"About time," Carly murmured to me under her breath. I laughed and continued smiling like a Barbie doll as Mike went behind some of the girls and asked the crowd if they thought that they would be the one eliminated.

"The WWE fans have spoken. And the Diva with the fewest amount of votes is…"

I couldn't believe that I was so nervous, especially since he was heading my way. I closed my eyes and kept telling myself that I wasn't here to win. Thus if I lost, it wouldn't be a big deal. I could just go back to my life as a writer in New Jersey. I opened my eyes just as he turned and said:

"Elena."

I let out the breath that I didn't even realize I was holding as Elena sadly smiled and waved to the crowd as she left her spot to give one last wave to the crowd. Carly reached over and squeezed my hand.

"That was close," I whispered to her, as I looked back over at Elena's vacant place. We all started clapping for her and looked back as she was about to go through the curtain. Another girl whose dream was crushed… because of me. I really had to stop thinking that way. Even though a part of me felt guilty, another part was ecstatic. I had made it for another week.

"Now as for the rest of you, congratulations. You made it past the second round, but don't get too excited cause right now we have another challenge for you to compete in," Mike said as he stood at the far end of the stage. Right after he was finished speaking, a few crew members came out from the back and put bowls of paint, paintbrushes, and poster board down in front of each of us.

"You lovely ladies will be competing in a contest that reflects the devotion that our wonderful fans show the Superstars every week. In a few seconds, I will start the clock and you will all have one minute to make a sign… for yourself. Alright, get ready… get set… hoorah!"

None of us moved to work on our signs. We were still confused about what we were actually supposed to do. It would have been good if they told us ahead of time, but we were left in the dark. Evelyn was the first to kneel down on the stage and pick up a paintbrush. Some others followed suit but I still looked around confused. This is crazy. I couldn't understand the point.

"Nami, start!" Carly shouted at me as she put some red paint on her brush. I just laughed at her as she drew a lopsided heart on the board. I knelt down and took a deep breath. What was I doing? I know that they had said that they were going in a totally different direction with this Diva Search, but this was taking it way too far.

"Thirty seconds left!"

"Start painting something," Carly said as she flicked her brush at me, getting green dots of paint on my white clothing. It reminded me of a certain Superstar who had an affinity for paint. I looked down and had a brilliant idea. So what if I got in trouble or never actually created a sign? It would be worth it.

"Hey Carly!" I said as I put a lot of orange paint on my brush.

"What?" she asked as she quickly looked over. I smiled as I flung the orange paint at her. It trailed down the side of her face and was starting to collect on the top of her chest. I waited for her reaction and was happy when she started laughing.

"Oh, now it's on!" Carly said as she picked up the bowl of red paint and threw its contents all over me. I took my fingers to my hair and scooped up some of the paint. I turned away from Carly and flicked it at Jenny, the next closest to me. She stared at me in shock. But when Carly poured some purple paint on her, she joined right in.

Within seconds, a full-on paint war had started. Even Di had started in on the fun. Our signs were abandoned and all the paint was used as a weapon. Carly was going after Evelyn while I, bravely, turned my attention to Di. I picked up a glob of blue that had fallen on the metal stage. I tapped her on the shoulder and as soon as she turned toward me, I launched it at her. We both burst into laughter as we looked for more paint to use.

There was one bowl that had remained untouched throughout the onslaught. I caught sight of it as it must have slipped partially down the ramp. I looked around and noticed all my competitors still in the heat of battle. I rushed down and picked up the bowl. Quickly, I surveyed who my target would be.

"And time is up!" Bingo. "Well, that certainly was an… interesting competition to say the least. So let's see what we have actually come up with here." I moved back up to the stage and looked at my paint-soaked competitors. They all saw the bowl in my hand and I could only smile as I stood behind my paint speckled poster board.

Every single poster pretty much looked the same. There were some smudges and specks of paint. There were footprints and handprints but no actual shape or word on the posters. Everything that may have been once on them was smudged with excess paint. Not only did we all look a mess, our work did as well.

Mike came over to each one of us and held up our signs. They all looked like a Jackson Pollack paint splattered canvas. Yet none of us really could care less. We all had a hell of a good time. There was no real enemies right now. In a weird way, we all bonded in a way that we hadn't done yet. And it felt good.

"And finally, let's hear it for Nami!" I smiled as the crowd roared with cheers and shouts. I waved with my one free hand as I still held the bowl of bright green paint in my hand waiting for the perfect moment.

"And your winner is… Nami!" I gave a big smile to the crowd as Carly and Evelyn both ran over and gave me a huge hug. "Do you have anything you would like to say to your fans?"

I smiled and took a deep breath. Here was the perfect moment. I smiled and took the microphone in my free hand.

"Thanks everyone! But I think... there is someone up here who is just... a little too clean. What do you think?" The crowd erupted in cheers as well as my fellow Divas on stage. I turned my attention to Mike with a small smile. I scooped most of the paint out of the bowl and threw it at the only person who was left untouched. It hit him right in the face and dribbled down the front of his shirt. His look was absolutely priceless: a little bit of shock, mixed with some anger, but a lot of amusement.

I gave him a smile and handed the microphone back to him.

"I should have known that I wasn't going to get out of here spotless. Let's hear it one more time for your Diva Search contestants. Remember, one of these lovely, paint covered ladies will be going home next week. Log on to the website or text in your vote for your favorite Diva. See you all next week live from Chi-town… hoorah!"

Carly, Evelyn, and I walked to the back in the front of the pack, hand in hand. I couldn't believe that I had actually won the immunity for next week. I guess the audience liked the fact that I ended that poster contest before it even began… or the fact that it was my idea to get us all covered in paint. Either way, I appreciated it more than I could ever say, even though I would have to try and put it into words later when I wrote about it in my journal.

"Now _that_ is what I call entertainment!"

I brushed the inner curtain away and saw Randy, Adam, and Lita standing there. Randy's match with Triple H was going to close out the show so they were waiting for the commercial break to end.

"Glad to see you enjoyed it," I said in response to Randy's comment. "Good luck out there tonight." And then with a smile on my face, I patted him on the back, some red and green paint making an imprint on his back. Laughter arose from most of the girls as we continued our trek back to our dressing rooms.

"Oh my God. I can't believe you just did that," Jenny said. I just shrugged my shoulders and continued walking. Carly squeezed my hand and I looked over at her.

"The guys' dressing room is coming up. That's where all of our stuff is," she whispered in my ear.

"I know, but it's not like we can go in there with everyone following us. We will just have to go to our original one and come back after they go in theirs," I whispered back. She nodded her head as we realized that that was the only way it would work. We didn't want the others to know about the fact that we had spent most of the afternoon with two of the hottest Superstars in the WWE. Finally, it seemed like the group was getting along as a whole, not separately. I didn't want that to change.

We past the dressing room and Evelyn shot me a confused look. I gave her hand a squeeze and we continued walking. She must have figured it out on her own cause we just continued to our little closet of a dressing room with no discussion. Yet before we could enter we saw a backstage worker was waiting for all of us.

"Hello ladies. You all have ten minutes to get your stuff together and head outside to your vans. So just grab your things and get moving," he told us with a no nonsense attitude. We all looked at our painted covered forms and sighed. This was most likely our punishment for the paint fight. No matter what anyone said about the WWE being full of spontaneity and being moment to momemt action, the truth of the matter was they liked everything to go according to plan... their plan. I guess our idea of fun wasn't part of said plan. Thus, it was going to be a _long_ night. He bid us farewell and the three of us walked into our former dressing room.

"This is just great! We are going to have to go into the hotel… like this?!" Carly asked as she pointed to our techicolored bodies.

"Don't sweat it. Most of the paint has dried so it is not like we will get it on anything. Just think about it… Jeff Hardy has paint on him all the time and nobody bothers him," Evelyn said with a shrug as I opened the door to see if the coast was clear.

"Yeah, but that's cause he is absolutely gorgeous. And besides we are totally covered in it. Most of his can only be seen under black light," Carly answered with a laugh.

"I think we are good to go," I said as I opened the door for them ignoring their discussion. We needed to get to the vans quick! I would hate to be stuck trying to get a ride in this condition. The three of us hurried down the hallway back to the guys' dressing room. We made it there in record time.

"Should we knock?" Evelyn asked. I decided that it would probably be the best thing to do as it was a male locker room. I knocked hastily on the door. A few moments later, a shirtless John Cena answered. The first thing he did was look the three of us over and burst out laughing.

"Shut up," Carly muttered as we pushed past him and started grabbing our stuff.

"Hey, what's the rush? You're missing the main event," John asked as the three of us rushed to throw all of our things back in our bags.

"We have only a few minutes to make it outside to the vans," I said as I zipped up my bag and looked around to make sure nothing would be left behind.

"So, you guys have to leave like that?" John asked, trying to hold in his laughter as he pointed at our condition.

"Laugh it up Cena," Carly said as she quickly zipped up her bag and sprinted out the door. I rolled my eyes as Evelyn raced to catch up with her.

"Tell Randy and Adam I said thanks for letting us stay here… even if they weren't aware of it," I said as I grabbed my things.

"No problem," John said with a smile.

"Oh and John?" I said as I opened the door and looked back over my shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for everything tonight," I said with a huge smile. He walked over and gave me a small hug. I was shocked since even though the paint was almost dry, I was still covered in it. Most people would be disgusted to even come near me... Hell I am disgusted to be near me.

"No need to thank me," John said as he pulled back. I noticed he had a little paint on his chest but he didn't seem to care or notice. I guess he knew what he was getting in for when he embraced me.

"Well, I better go," I said softly yet I couldn't get myself to actually move. This whole night had been such a revelation. It almost seemed like a dream. I was starting to like wrestling… not necessarily watching it. But being a part of it was exhilarating. It was such a rush, being out there in front of such a huge crowd. Tonight, when I heard all those people cheer, I felt like I was on top of the world. I guess that is why the wrestlers put their bodies on the line: to feel the absolute addicting high of exhilaration.

"I'll see you around. Don't be a stranger. No matter what your contract says," John replied as I opened the door a little wider.

"Sure," I said with a small smile. I turned and left the room. I knew that I would need to hustle if I wanted to make it on time.

_"I'm so sick,  
__Infected with where I live,  
__Let me…"_

"I am almost there," I yelled into my cell phone as I ran down the hallway.

"Yeah, about that… the vans already left," Carly said softly into the phone.

"What?!"

"I told them that there was one more, but they said that they were under strict orders to bring us back to the hotel right away," Carly explained. I couldn't believe my luck.

"Alright. Thanks for telling me," I said sullenly, as I tried to piece together what I was going to do.

"Why don't you just ask _lover boy_ to drive you?" Carly posed, trying to lighten the mood. I leaned up against a wall in the hallway and dropped my bag. There was no one around as most of the talent had left for the night or were in their rooms watching the final match.

"First off, there is nothing going on between me and Adam. Second, there can't be anything going on between me and Adam. And finally… THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN ME AND ADAM!"

"Whatever you say. I saw the sparks flying right in front of my eyes. Evelyn is nodding her head as well," Carly said.

"There better be no one else in ear shot of you. I don't really want to get disqualified from the contest because we have been hanging around with…"

"We wouldn't get disqualified. Stop being so cynical about everything. And everyone else in this van has their Ipods on," Carly said matter-of-factly. I was about to speak again when I heard a door open from the way I had just come. I looked over to see Jeff Hardy heading my way.

"I've got to go. I'll talk to you when I find a way to get to the hotel," I said softly.

"Sure… I guess lover boy got there quicker than I would have expected," Carly said with a laugh.

"Will you stop calling…" But it was too late for she had already hung up. "Great."

"And I thought last week's segment was entertaining," Jeff said as he walked over to where I was leaning. Even though my night had taken a turn for the worse, I had to smile.

"What can I say? I just… went with it. My art skills are seriously lacking anyway," I said with a laugh.

"Well, I think you made a masterpiece tonight," he responded as he looked at my painted body. For once, I was actually happy that I was still covered in the paint: he couldn't see my blushing face.

"Yes, well. I had an excellent muse," I said as I picked up my bag. We both slowly started to walk down the hallway.

"Oh so that was planned?" he asked with a smile.

"No. We didn't even know that that was going to be our challenge," I answered. "I was just… living in the moment and like I said, my art skills are very minimal."

"I see."

"So, how does it feel to be the inspiration for a 'masterpiece'?" I asked him, throwing his own words back at him.

"Me?" he asked somewhat surprised.

"Of course. You were the first person to make me feel comfortable here. I would say that was my thank you… my homage if you will," I said with a laugh as we made our way to the outside of the Staples Center.

"Well, I'm flattered," he said with a small grin. "So, where are your friends?"

"Back at the hotel. I was sort of late getting to the van... and they left," I said honestly as we continued to walk. "It's probably punishment for what I started tonight."

"That sucks...so...do you want a ride?"

"I... I couldn't impose. I'll just call a cab," I said as I stopped walking. He just laughed and grabbed my bag from me.

"Like any cabbie would let you in his car. And you would not be imposing," he said as he led me to his rental car.

"Are you sure?" I asked, still unsure about going with him. This wasn't exactly the type of stuff that I had envisioned doing when I was given this assignment. I saw myself finding out that all the Superstars were a bunch of steroid-driven egomaniacs who would eant nothing to do with me. They would be just too centered on themselves and their careers. But I was finding out that that was not the case with many of them. Everything in this company was throwing me for a loop.

"There is nothing left to discuss. You are coming with me," he said as he put both of our bags in the trunk. I just smiled and went to open the passenger door but was too slow. Jeff had already opened it for me. I smiled at him and gave a little bow before settling myself in the car.

"Oh shit! I am going to stain the seat," I said as I quickly tried to lift myself off of the leather.

"It'll wash off. Trust me… I have had my fair share of paint accidents," he said as he got in his seat. I gave him a small smile as I sat back down and strapped myself in. The first few minutes of the ride were a little awkward. I didn't know what to say and he was just listening to the radio. Yet when it went to a commercial, he turned his attention to me.

"So, you leaving bright and early tomorrow?"

"Yeah… bright and early," I murmured as I closed my eyes. "I really don't even want to think about training. I finally have gotten over most of my horrible bruises, but still… the pain."

"Trust me, it's worth it."

"I think I am beginning to understand what you mean by that. Tonight was… it was so exhilarating. And we didn't even do anything besides make a mess," I laughed as I remembered throwing paint on Di. We even got along. Tonight really was close to perfection.

"The crowd loved you. I am sure your father is really proud," he said. I was touched that he actually remembered what we had spoken about last week. Quickly, I realized that I had been silent for a few moments. Way to make this even more awkward Nami.

"He told me last week not to get into anymore fights. But I guess this counts as a friendly fight as even Di and I are now somewhat getting along… at least for the moment. So yeah… he better be proud."

"Yeah...When my brother and I started to wrestle, our dad tried to convince us to do something else. He always wanted us to follow our dreams but he wanted us to think sensibly… think of our futures. Before we made it to the WWF… WWE… whatever, we would wrestle anywhere we could to get some exposure. We would drive all up the coast and barely even make more than twenty bucks. But it all paid off in the end. I remember the first time that Matt and I won the tag titles… the look in my father's eyes… I'll remember it all my life and probably even after," Jeff said.

I could only smile at his story. He was the perfect example of a dream come true. I didn't know if he thought that this was my dream, but my father wouldn't have that same look in his eyes if I ever wrestled a match. It would be more a look of fear with maybe a hint of amusement.

"You and your brother close?" I asked. He just glanced my way quickly with a questioning look.

"What you see on TV isn't all fake. We are really that close. He… he's my best friend and I would do anything for him. It sucks that we are on different brands right now. I love doing the singles thing but sometimes I miss traveling with him."

"Well... why don't they bring him over here to Raw?" I asked. It would make sense. Jeff had the Intercontinental Championship. Maybe they could even have a storyline together: brother vs. brother.

"I don't think he really would want to be around Adam. He's patched things up with Amy, but… it would be just too combustible. When they had to work together, they were both professional but you could tell that sometimes they fought a little stiff. It was just too emotional… too real," Jeff explained.

I didn't really know everything that Jeff was explaining to me. Even though I watched wrestling every week with my friends, I didn't really retain much. I must have seen some of these guys wrestle hundreds of times and I still didn't know who they were. All I remember is "Edge" being with Lita. He wrestled with some really tall guy for awhile and then… Matt Hardy! At least I knew that that was Jeff's brother. The next thing I remember about the whole storyline was Adam and Lita having a Live Sex Celebration. Nothing about Matt there, but I think I understood what could have happened.

"So Li…Amy really cheated on your brother?" I asked softly, but as soon as I said it I wished I could take it back. I saw him visibly stiffen as I knew that it probably wasn't a subject he wanted to discuss. He pulled into the hotel's parking lot in silence. Once he had parked the car, he made no move to leave.

"I was out of line by asking. I'm..."

"Amy and Matt had been dating for years. Matt and Adam were best friends. I don't know all the details and I really don't want to. But when Matt found out that Amy was unfaithful, it nearly killed him. He put on a good front about just being angry but… it tore him apart. He was so in love with her, but obviously she didn't feel the same. They are now good friends. It was much easier once she spilt from Adam, but… Matt and Adam don't talk… probably because the bastard never actually apologized for what he did," Jeff said bitterly as he turned to look at me. I just stared at him in shock. Was that the real Adam Copeland?

"I don't… know what to say," I said softly. He just gave me a small smile and took my hand in his.

"You don't need to say anything. It's over. They all have moved on and…"

"Have you?" I asked.

"She was like my sister ya know? I… I hated her for a while… for what she did to him. Things still can get tense between us, but… it doesn't matter," Jeff whispered.

"I'm sorry for bringing this up I just… wanted to know you but…"

"No need to apologize. It's fine." He smiled at me. We sat there for a few moments, just staring into each other's eyes. I didn't want to believe everything that Jeff had told me about Adam, but from what I actually remembered from the storyline, it sounded feasible. My night went from almost perfect to somewhat unpleasant in just a few sentences.

"Well, I better get going. You probably are going out later with the guys anyway," I said as I unbuckled my seat belt and opened the door.

"Not really my scene," he said as he climbed out of the car. "I was probably going to just hang around here and work on this new song I am writing."

"You write?" I asked curiously as I took my bag out of his open trunk.

"Yeah. That was another reason I left the business for a while… I wanted to take some time off for my music but nothing really came of it," he replied as he took his bag out and shut the trunk.

"A man of many talents," I mused aloud as we walked into the lobby. I immediately felt many pairs of eyes turn my way.

"Don't worry. They are all just staring at my hair," he said with a laugh. I shoved him slightly before breaking out into laughter. "Actually, I bet this is the first time that people aren't staring at me."

He walked over to the counter, as he had not checked in yet. Our plane from Kentucky was very early in the morning, so we settled in at the hotel before heading over to the arena. I decided to wait for Jeff to get his room. He had been so kind tonight. I didn't want him to think that I didn't appreciate it, especially since we had just had a really serious talk about his brother and Adam.

"All set. You need to check in?" he asked trying to hide his smile when he saw the concierge staring at my state of disarray.

"Nope. Already done," I said as we made our way to the elevators.

"So, you girls going to hit the town tonight?" he asked as we waited for the elevator to arrive.

"I know Carly and Evelyn were going to go out, but it's not really my thing either. I would much rather stay home with a good book then gyrate at a nightclub," I said truthfully. He laughed at my statement but I knew that he understood my position.

"Well you are more than welcome to join me. Who knows? Maybe you'll become _my_ muse tonight," he said as we got on the elevator. I smiled at him and was about to respond when the closing doors popped open once again.

"You know, there_ is_ such a thing as a shower."

I rolled my eyes as Randy, John, and Adam entered the elevator. I could tell the second Adam got on, Jeff became a little angered. It was probably the fact that Adam's betrayal was fresh in his mind. I sighed and hoped that the ride would go by quick.

"I was in a rush," I curtly replied to Randy's comment. He just nodded his head, but stayed silent. I could feel Adam's eyes on me but I couldn't turn to meet them. I knew that after what I had just heard, I needed time to think things through. It's not like we were even together or anything. But now, everything just seemed weird.

"So you catch up with the girls?" John asked me.

"Nope. The van… sort of left without me. Jeff gave me a ride though," I answered with a smile, still keeping my answers as short as I could.

"Aw, that's so cute. You two even match," Randy said with a smirk as he twirled a little bit of my paint stained hair around his finger. Jeff shot Randy a glare, but I continued to be indifferent. The elevator stopped at the eighth floor and Jeff got ready to get off.

"I'm in room 811. Come down if you want," he whispered in my ear. I smiled at him and gave him a reassuring nod. He gave me a small smile and left the elevator. I silently hoped that I could get to the twelfth floor without any discussion.

"Seems like Hardy has a crush," Randy said once the doors shut. I bit my bottom lip in frustration. So much for no talking. What was it with these guys? Every time someone was nice to me, they thought that it was because they had romantic inclinations. It seriously was, at times, just like high school. The backstage drama could definitely rival that of any high school in the country.

Finally the elevator made it to the twelfth floor and I couldn't be happier. I didn't want to leave without saying anything. They did take me in tonight, no matter what new information I learned.

"Thanks again guys. See you around," I muttered as I stepped off the elevator.

"Bye Nam," John said as the doors shut behind me. Finally, some time to think on my own. But first thing was first: I needed a shower. I felt as if the paint would never come off of my skin or out of my hair. It seemed like it was attached to me.

_"I'm so sick,  
__Infected with…"_

"Where are you?" Carly asked as I answered my phone.

"I got a ride with a hitchhiker and we are now heading to Vegas to get married," I said sardonically.

"You are not funny. Are you okay?" she asked, concern etched in her tone. I smiled as I slid the key card in the slot and opened the door.

"I think so," I said as I hung up the phone and entered the room. I walked in and threw my bag on the floor as Evelyn was stretched across my bed.

"Where have you been? We have been waiting for you. We were getting worried," Evelyn asked.

"Aw, that's sweet," I said honestly. I was really beginning to think of these two as very close friends. Even though they could never take the spots that belonged to Danielle and Steven, they were helping fill the empty void from being away from them. Even after all of this was over, I hoped that we could stay friends. I would hate to lose that.

"So… did _lover boy_ give…"

"Can you stop calling him that? It's sort of irritating," I told Carly as I picked out a pair of pajama bottoms and a tank top from my bag.

"What are you doing? We are all going out!" Evelyn asked once she spotted my choice of after shower attire.

"I'm going to stay in tonight. Don't feel much like partying," I said as I walked toward the bathroom.

"You have to come. We need to celebrate your immunity," Carly said.

"I… really would like to stay in. It's been a long day," I said. Carly could tell that I had something on my mind. I just knew by the way she was studying my blue face. She just nodded her head.

"I'll probably be back late," she said.

"Have fun… both of you," I said as I turned to enter the bathroom.

Standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, I got the first chance to really look at my appearance. Simply put, I was a mess. How anyone could stand to even look in my direction was a miracle? My white dress was a myriad of colors and I doubted that they would all come out of the material. Oh well… Danielle will get her dress back a little different than when I borrowed it.

* * *

My time in the shower washed not only the color from my skin. It washed away all the fears that I had about what Jeff had told me. I knew that I was just being ludicrous to be even bothered by it. Adam was just a friend… nothing more. It shouldn't matter to me what happened between him and Matt. Who was I to judge him on his morality? Some people could see what I was doing as being immoral. Thus I decided that for now, I would just let it go. 

After I got out of my shower, I contemplated what to do. There were three real options. I could call Danielle like I sort of promised her that I would do once the show was over. I looked over at the clock and saw that it was around quarter after nine here, meaning quarter after twelve back home. I knew that she was probably still up but didn't really feel like talking to her. The next option was writing in my journal. A lot of stuff had happened today. It would take me hours to get it all down. Yet the final option seemed too tempting to pass up. Room 811: definitely the correct choice.

I quickly stuffed my cell phone in my purse and grabbed my key card. I turned off the lights and exited my room. I started to make my way down the hallway when I noticed someone leaning against the wall by the elevator. It was Adam. Oh God, why did he have to be there now? What was he even doing there?

"I am sure she didn't mean it like that. You know how women can get."

He was on his cell phone. Perfect. I could slip by and he might not even notice. I pushed the down button and thought that I was home free. He hadn't noticed me. He was probably waiting for someone else on this floor. Not that it mattered to me.

"Hey Jay, can I call you back later... Sure...Bye."

Oh, great.


	10. Holding On To What I'm Feeling

_A.N.- Normal disclaimer... I own nothing that has to do with the WWE. This chapter is just a little bit of character building. The next chapter, which most likely will be up tomorrow, is going to be the next Raw. So I wanted to have a little more time with Nami and some certain Superstars. Thanks to "XtremeGirl619" for the review and for everyone who has read or added my story. It means a lot. Lyrics used in the chapter belong to Incubus and Flyleaf. Happy reading. Peace and Love!

* * *

_

"Hey."

"Hey," I replied back to him while I stared ahead, waiting for the elevator to arrive. Even though I promised myself not to think any differently of Adam, it was hard. Seeing the look in Jeff's eye when he told me about Adam and Amy's affair was brutal. He wasn't directly affected by the act yet it killed him just as much as it did Matt. I could just tell. They say that your eyes are the agteway to your soul. And even though I am not exactly sure who "they" are, in my opinion it is accurate.

"So… are we okay? I mean, I don't know why there should be anything…weird between us, but… I sense some tension," Adam asked, stumbling over some of his words. The usual confident and at times brash man was tongue-tied around me. Normally, I would probably be ecstatic. Right now, I was confused.

"We're fine. Why wouldn't we be?" I asked with a small laugh.

"Then why don't you look at me?" he asked softly. Maybe because I was afraid of what I would find in his eyes. Maybe because I knew that if I looked at him, I might say something I didn't mean. I was relieved when the elevator arrived right as I was about to turn. Avoidance seemed like the best option, even though I knew that that wouldn't stop him.

After pressing the eighth floor button, I looked up into his eyes. He had joined me in the elevator as well, his back to the slowly closing doors. I could see worry in his eyes and felt really horrid for treating him the way I had.

"How was Randy's match?" I asked with a smile.

"You sure do know how to avoid an issue. It went okay. Randy lost, but it was more or less a build up match for our feud with DX," he replied just as the doors opened behind him. "That was a short trip."

I laughed as I slightly nudged him on my way out of the elevator. In retaliation, he grasped me around the waist from behind. He slightly lifted me off the ground and just stood holding me in his arms.

"What'cha doing?" I asked lightheartedly.

"Keeping you from running away from me," he whispered in my ear. I tried to stop the shiver that ran down my spine yet I know that he felt it.

"I'm not running away," I said breathlessly.

"Yes, you are. You weren't like this earlier in the day. But now…"

"Nothing's changed, Adam. You are just being paranoid again," I murmured as I pushed my way out of his hold. I thought we were past all of the suspicious bullshit but I see that I was totally off. I know he said that he would continue watching me, but this was going over the top.

"Don't chalk this up to my paranoia. This has nothing to do with what I thought about you before," he said as he fell in step along side me as I walked down the hallway in search of room 811. "Did John say something to you?" John? Where did he come into this?

"Why would he? Is there something to tell?" I asked turning my head to glance at his handsome features. It was said more as a joke than anything, but he wouldn't budge.

"I just… I don't get it. When I left you earlier, you and I... we seemed... I don't get it!" he said frustrated as he ran his hand through his blonde locks.

"Maybe that's because there is nothing to get. I just had a very long day and I'm not in the mood for your ridiculous speculations," I groaned as I stopped in front of my destination. I leaned against the wall next to the door and waited for a reply. Yet Adam's attention turned from me to the door that I was going to enter.

"This your stop?" he asked sullenly.

"Yeah," I said, hoping that he would not ask any questions. Luckily he just nodded his head. We stood outside Jeff's room for a few moments in silence. I didn't know what he wanted from me. I felt like a teenage girl again, standing next to my locker being tongue-tied around a certain someone who I had feelings for. Adam was not helping matters. The fact that he was so damn persistent about everything was becoming more annoying than flattering.

"Hey, Rated-R Superstar! Let's go!"

Both Adam and I turned our attention back down the hallway to where Randy Orton stood. Adam sighed and turned his attention back to me.

"I better go. Promise me that we'll talk before you leave tomorrow? I'll see you off." I nodded my head and pulled him into a friendly hug. I don't think he was actually expecting it, but I figured that maybe it would help ease his mind. I pulled back and saw a smile on his face. At least I did something right.

"Have fun tonight," I said. He nodded and waved good-bye as he headed down the hallway to join his friend. I smiled and waved to Randy before turning to face the door to Jeff's room. He did say that I should come, so why was I so nervous to knock? Taking a deep breath, I knocked lightly on the door.

"Hey, you came!" Jeff said with a huge smile as he pulled me into a friendly hug.

"Yeah, and… I hope I'm not interrupting something?" I asked. He just continued smiling and held the door open for me.

"Nah, it's just me. And I am happy to have some company," he said as we made our way into his room. "Make yourself comfortable." He quickly threw his duffle bag off the bed and gestured for me to sit down.

"Trying to get me in your bed already?" I asked jokingly as I set my bag down and sat down, leaning against the headboard. He just laughed at my comment and lied down at the end of bed.

"All the paint come out?" Jeff asked as he looked over my clean form.

"Yeah, well except for my dress… well it's not really my dress. More like my best friends dress, but I don't think she will mind. She's a huge wrestling fan so she'll probably want to frame it. But… I am rambling. I'm sorry," I said as I stopped talking and started to blush. It was weird. I could talk to Adam, most of the time, without feeling this way. Same with John and Randy. Yet with Jeff, things were different.

"It's alright. I like to hear you talk. Normally, I am the one that has to start up conversations, even though people are sometimes… I guess you can call it a little freaked by me," he said as he leaned on his side so he could speak directly to me. I smiled. Even though he expressed interested in hearing what I had to say, it was still awkward. What happened to the woman who came into this not wanting to get attached or even get to know anyone? I was getting in way over my head.

"What are you thinking about right now?" Jeff asked. If he only knew…

"I just… I'm thinking about everything that has happened these past few weeks. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would be here," I said with a laugh as I tried to tell the truth yet just not include any incriminating details.

"Why did you decide to do the Diva Search? Did you always like wrestling or want to wrestle?" he asked. This was the first time that I was actually regretting my decision to come. He didn't even ask me a really personal question. Yet I would rather answer the most personal questions a person could ask then anything about the WWE.

"Well… I have been watching wrestling for a few years. Every week, me and my two friends get together and watch Raw. One night we saw a commercial for the new Diva Search… how it was going to be different than the rest. I sort of scoffed at it, saying that it would never change. My friends took that to mean that I should enter… and well, here I am," I answered with a laugh, hoping that my response sounded normal, or at least believable. It wasn't that far from the truth.

"It's good that you have support," Jeff said knowingly. "I don't think… actually I know that I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my brother. Being able to break into the business together was seriously amazing," Jeff smiled as he talked about his brother. He continued to tell me about his brother and how they began wrestling when they were younger. I just smiled and listened intently to him talk. I seriously could listen to him talk for hours. He was so down to earth, no matter what people might think. He loved his family and friends, hated being away from home as much as he had to be, and was just an all-around nice guy.

"I didn't go to either of my proms because I was wrestling," Jeff said as he finished talking about his teen wrestling years.

"Trust me, you probably didn't miss much. I only went to my junior prom cause… I really don't know why. It's not like I didn't have a date. It was just, not my type of thing," I told him.

"Where did you grow up?" he asked as he moved up on the bed so he was sitting right across from me.

"Central New Jersey, born and raised. If I can remember correctly, my graduating class had… seventy-eight people in it," I said with a grin just thinking about my small little hometown. "School itself… was weird. The high school and middle school were connected so you pretty much knew everyone from grade seven to grade twelve. It was really weird when I think back on it. There were still the stereotypical cliques but it was more or less just the popular people and the rest."

"Which were you?"

"Huh? Oh… _the rest_. Popularity, in high school anyway, is just a construction of faulty beliefs. Usually the most 'popular' people in high school are also the most hated by the rest. I just chose not to get involved with cliques and all the drama that the teenage years can bring about," I told him.

"That's true. My school years were…"

_"I wish you were here  
__I wish you were…"_

"Sorry. Can I?" I asked Jeff as I gestured to my ringing cell phone. I knew who was calling as soon as I heard the wonderful voice of Brandon Boyd hit my ears. He just nodded his head with a smile as I mouthed a 'thank you'.

"Hey dad… what's up?"

I felt weird talking to my father in the presence of Jeff. I knew that I really couldn't have a deep conversation with him, not like I would have one at this moment. I hated when people would answer their cell phones when they were talking with other people. It was a big pet peeve of mine and here I was doing it.

"Umm… do you think that I could call you back tomorrow… Yeah, I'll call you when I land… I love you too… Good night," I said as I hung up the phone and put it back in my bag. Jeff came back over with two water bottles fresh out of the mini-fridge and sat down next to me against the headboard.

"You could have talked longer," he said as he handed me a bottle.

"I didn't want to be rude. I hate when people do it to me," I answered as I opened the bottle. After almost an hour of talking, my throat was in much need of moisture.

"So where were we?" he asked as I took a sip from my bottle.

"I think we…"

_"I'm so sick  
__Infected with…"_

"Fuck. Why is she calling?" I asked as I quickly grabbed for my phone.

"Who?"

"Carly," I said as I flipped my phone open.

"Hello?" I asked as I mouthed a 'sorry' to Jeff. He really didn't seem to mind though, more amused at the fact that I was so angry.

"Hey sexy."

"Randy?" I asked into the phone. It sounded like his voice. But how did he get Carly's phone? He sounded a little drunk. He only spoke two words but they had a slurred like quality that was not usually present in the Legend Killer's tone. And it had only been an hour.

"At your service, baby."

"Where's Carly?" I asked not wanting to deal with him and wondering why he had her phone.

"Dancing with your boy. I thought I should call to let you know. Maybe you should come down here. Ya know, we…"

"Randy, you're drunk. Hang up the phone and put it back where you found it. I'm not coming down to the club," I said giving Jeff a look. He just laughed.

"But baby…" There were muffled sounds. "Hello?"

"John?" I asked.

"Hey Nam. Sorry. Randy got away from me for a second," John apologized into the phone.

"It's okay, but I need to…" There were more muffled noises. What was this? Were they playing hot potato with the phone or something?

"I think I should just hang up," I told Jeff as I continued to listen for any trace of intelligent life… meaning anyone besides the drunk Randy Orton.

"Hey."

"Adam?" I asked. Why was everyone except Carly getting to speak on the phone?

"What's up?"

"Randy called. I thought it was Carly."

"Oh…so…"

"Yeah, listen. I need to go. Tell Carly to keep her phone away from the lushes at the table, alright? I'll talk to you later." I didn't even wait for a reply. I just hung up. Right after, I turned my phone off. I rarely ever did that, just in case there was an emergency. Yet I was not going to have any interruptions.

"Sorry again," I said as I tossed the phone back into my bag.

"And again, it's really not that big of a deal," he said with a smile. I took another swig from my bottle and sighed.

"So I am guessing that I am not the only Superstar that you know," he said matter-of-factly. It was true that I never talked to him about the fact that I had talked with others. It really wasn't that important.

"John, Randy, and Adam… yeah. Carly, Evelyn, and I sort of roomed with them tonight. Management had us in this small room and John sort of…" I ended up recounting most of my afternoon and night with Jeff. How we all met, sans the few private encounters with Adam, and all the events that transpired earlier. He just listened intently. I didn't know what he was thinking.

"But it's funny. I really shouldn't be talking to anyone," I said with a laugh.

"Yeah, ya told me," he said. I knew that something was bothering him and I bet I knew what it was: Adam. I don't think it was the fact that I had spoken with him. It was more of the fact he had told me about his affair. I just continued on like nothing was wrong.

"The other three seem nice, but I really can't talk to them. You are so… easy to talk to. It's like I have known you for years even though we have just met. I don't know what it is, but I feel comfortable around you. Not so much with the others. Okay, I guess that probably came out a little weird," I said with a laugh. That got a smile out of him.

"No it didn't. And I have to tell you, I feel the same. Being back here, in the company I mean, can be awkward at times. Like I told you, being a veteran to then being one of the new guys again is weird."

"Yeah, but they know that you are an invaluable part of the lineup. You already have a title… much deserved by the way," I told him with a smile as I looked at his Intercontinental belt lying on the desk chair.

"You really know how to flatter a guy, don't ya?" he asked with a grin. "Yeah, I know you're right. And so many people ask me all the time, do you have any regrets about any decision you have made? Like they expect me to say that I should have never left the company and shit. But, I just tell them the truth. No, I don't have any. Everything that I did in the past I did because I thought it was best for me or it was what I wanted to do."

"Yeah," I said sullenly.

"You don't look like you agree," Jeff said.

"My one real regret in life… is one that I really had no control over. I was too young, but…" I felt the first tear come to my eye. Yet before I could do anything about it, Jeff was already there to wipe it away. I smiled a little at him, especially when he pulled me into a sideways embrace.

"You don't have to tell me if it's too upsetting," he said softly as began to rub his hand in a soothing gesture on my back.

"It's alright… I just get a little too upset over it sometimes. It happened almost twenty years ago but… I still can remember it like it was just yesterday. I barely remember anything else from that time, ya know? I was only four… just turned four a few weeks prior actually. I remember that I went to my best friend's pool party. I seriously don't remember anything about the party except the ride home. I was just rambling on and on about everything that was in my goody bag. I didn't notice anything was wrong until I got home and my father pulled me to the side even though we were already alone. I… still remember… I remember everything. My mother was sick for a long time but…"

I broke down. I began to sob into his chest. He just held me and let me cry. He whispered into my ear that it was alright as he placed soft kisses on the top of my head. It had been awhile since I had cried over my mother's passing. Since it happened at such a young age, I never truly knew her and it killed me on the inside, so much so that I was never truly able to get over her death.

"I'm so sorry. I…haven't cried over her death in awhile, but… it still hurts. It's one of those things that no one can truly understand unless…"

"Unless you've had it happen to you," Jeff muttered softly as he continued to hold me.

"Yeah. My father is amazing and is truly my hero, but I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if she was still around. But I know, deep down… that I love the life I have and wouldn't want to change it. But then I think of her and…"

"Shh… it's alright. Believe it or not, I know what you are going through. I wasn't quite as young… but I lost my mother as well. I am happy for the times that we had… the ones I can remember. My whole family was there when she did pass and it is a moment that will always stay with me. But… I know that she has never left me. She is watching over me and is proud of everything I do."

"You're damn right she is proud… You are one amazing man, Jeffery Hardy," I said with a smile as I looked up at him. He took his free hand, since the other one was still holding me tight against him, and brushed the tears from my cheeks.

"You're not so bad yourself. Your mother never left you darlin'. She is always with you," Jeff said. I looked up into his beautiful eyes and gave him a thankful smile. He returned the smile and I leaned up to give him a quick kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you," I whispered as I snuggled closer to him and closed my eyes. We sat in silence for awhile. I was still clinging on to him. He was my security blanket at the moment. Usually when I felt this sullen, I would go visit my father. Yet that was impossible as he was three thousand miles away and I had a commitment to this story.

"Nami? Could you get up for just one second?" Jeff asked softly. I pushed off slightly and nodded. I got up off the bed and watched as he pulled back the comforter and sheet. He lied back down and reached out his hand. I gladly gave it to him as he pulled me back over to his side. Instead of sitting, we both lied next to each other. It was extremely comforting and everything that was bothering me, whether it be personal or professional, was no longer on my mind.

"You're truly amazing," I whispered as I felt the familiar wave of sleep hit me.

* * *

I felt well rested; something that I have not felt since training had begun. I was surprised that Carly had not done her normal wake-up call, complete with screaming and jumping on my bed. Opening my eyes, I began to panic. This was not my room. And I wasn't alone in bed. Then, all the memories from last night came back. 

"Morning," a drowsy Jeff muttered as he opened his eyes half way.

"Morning," I responded. I twisted out of his embrace, which I guess I had never left all night, and looked at the clock. 7:20. Holy shit! I was going to be late.

"Fuck!" I shouted as I grabbed for my phone. Quickly I turned it on and hit Carly's number.

"What's wrong?" Jeff asked as he sat up. Noticing the time, he understood immediately.

"Where the fuck are you?" Carly asked me as soon as she picked up.

"Have you guys left yet?" I asked, totally ignoring her question.

"No, the vans are late again. But they will be here any second. I have your stuff so just get your ass over here… or down here… NOW!" She hung up and I quickly grabbed my bag and slipped my flip-flops on my feet.

"I need to get downstairs and quick!" I said as I scrambled to make sure I had everything.

"Shit. I'm sorry. It's all my…"

"Don't be stupid. This is not either of our faults. It was just an accident," I said as I walked over toward the door. He quickly grabbed his key card and followed me out.

"You sleep well?" he asked as we quickly made our way over to the elevators.

"Yeah… I hope I wasn't too much of a burden last night. I don't know what came over me," I said honestly as I hit the down arrow next to the elevator.

"You are not a burden. I enjoyed our time last night. I got to know you better," he said with a smile as we quickly got on the elevator. It was quite a funny scene. Three business men dressed to the nines in fancy suits. And two wrestlers (well, really only one) wearing pajamas and looking like they had just crawled out of bed. I tried to fix my hair, but it was no use. Hopefully I would have time at the airport.

When we arrived at the lobby, I was relieved to see that the girls were still there. I gave a sigh of relief before turning to face Jeff.

"Well, I guess I will see you next week," I said with a small smile. He pulled me into an embrace.

"I count on it," he whispered.

"And you better play some of your music for me next time. I really want to hear it," I said as I pulled back with a smile.

"Of course. I look forward to it," he said with a grin. I didn't want to leave. We connected last night and it was wonderful. I didn't want to just leave and not hear from him for a whole week. But I had no other choice. I smiled one last time before turning and walking toward the other girls.

"Where the fuck were you?" Carly asked.

"Can we talk about it later?" I said as I went over to where my bag was and pulled out a sweatshirt.

"No. I think that I deserve an answer," she said, getting the attention of all the others. I pulled the sweatshirt over my head and sighed.

"It's no biggie. I lost track of time and fell asleep," I said.

"Yeah… but where?"

"Nami?" I turned around to see Jeff standing there. Speak of the devil... "Can I speak with you for just one minute?"

"Sure," I told him and followed him over to the concierge counter. He grabbed a pen and wrote something on a small sheet of paper.

"I didn't want to just... you know, leave and not get to talk with you until Monday. If you ever need to talk, call me. I mean it. I really like talking to you… and even if I can only see you once a week doesn't mean that I can't talk to you," Jeff said with a smile. I took the paper and stared down at the ten numbers that adorned the page. I ripped the bottom of the paper off and took the pen for him, returning the sentiment.

"Ditto," I said simply with a huge grin. He pulled me into one final hug before we went our separate ways. I turned back just in time to see the vans pull up. As I grabbed my things and avoided all questions from Carly, I couldn't help but think that there was something else that I was supposed to do this morning. And it wasn't until two hours later when I was on the plane back to Kentucky that I realized what it was.

I forgot to talk to Adam.


	11. I Hush My Urge To Cry

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer as I own nothing that has to do with the WWE. Thanks to "sideways anger" and "littleone999" for the reviews! Lyrics in the chapter belong to Pearl Jam. Thanks to everyone that has read! Peace and Love!_

_

* * *

_

_October 23, 2006  
__6:45 PM_

_It's Monday night again yet hopefully it will be a little less drama filled than last week. This is really not how I imagined my time in the WWE. I have yet to get to meet any Divas yet I already know some of the top Superstars in the company. I really can't grasp that fact yet. __I want to try and get to know a few of the women of the company. See their side of what this company is all about. Maybe I could get to meet Amy and talk to her. But that probably is not the best course of action to take._

_Another elimination tonight and even though I have immunity, I am just as nervous as I have always been…maybe even more. If Evelyn or Carly go home tonight, I don't know if I will be able to continue this charade. It would…_

_"Oh, I, oh I'm still alive,  
Hey, I…"_

"Hiya," I said cheerily into the phone.

"Someone's in a good mood," Jeff mused at my rather perky tone. Even if I wasn't in a good mood, just hearing his charming southern drawl would cement me in one.

"Yes, well this is the voice of a girl who didn't have to train yesterday. None of us did. We were given a much needed day off… finally!" I told him as I locked up my journal and put it back in my bag. I would finish writing later.

"They must think ya'll are making great progress to give you a day off."

"I guess. My body _reall__y _appreciates it," I said with a laugh.

Over the course of the week, Jeff and I had spoken four or five times… I think it was five. He was the first to call on Wednesday night. It's not that I didn't want to call him. There were many times that my finger lingered over the call button. I just felt weird about it. We clicked instantly yet he still was, in a way, a stranger. Well, maybe not a stranger… like an acquaintance. Even though we may not have known each other that long, mentally I think we're way past the acquaintance stage of friendship.

"So, I'm going to guess and say that you are at the arena, seeing how I can spot every one of the Divas in Training… except for you of course. You hiding out in a janitor's closet/dressing room again?" he asked with a laugh.

"No. I just didn't… really want anything to eat," I lied. The truth was that I really didn't want to see Adam. We didn't end on the best of terms last week, even if I pretended that we did. And what made matters worse was how I totally blew him off the morning I left. Not that I did it on purpose. I really intended on speaking with him. I was just in a haze of everything that had happened with Jeff the night before and the fact that I almost missed the vans that I wasn't thinking straight. Still, I felt that avoidance was the best idea for now.

"Whatever you say," he replied with a laugh.

"You have a match tonight? That's a stupid question… Of course, you do. You're only like the most popular wrestler in the company," I said.

"Yeah… I have a match," he said through laughter. He always found it amusing that I would ramble on about some of the stupidest things or my fixation on thinking out loud. "It's me and Carlito versus Shelton Benjamin and Chris Masters."

A few of the names rang a bell, but I really couldn't put faces with them. I never got around to actually investigating the members of the company well enough to be able to match people to names.

"Oh…Carlito is the one with the apple right?" I asked.

Another reason I felt at ease when talking with Jeff was that I was able to confide in him. Ever since last week when I broke down in front of him, I felt that he could be my confidant while I was here. Of course, I couldn't tell him my biggest secret, but I did let on that my knowledge of the actual wrestlers was very slim. Even so much that I told him that the first night when we talked, I had no clue who he was. He didn't have a problem with it. He found it somewhat refreshing… like I was a clean slate, which wasn't that far from the truth.

"Yeah. He likes to spit said apple… usually has crazier hair than mine," he said. We shared a laugh, but a knock at the door startled me from responding.

"Have any of the girls left yet?" I asked Jeff.

"Nah, I don't think so. Why?" he asked as I heard him softly counting, most likely getting an official tally.

"Cause someone is at the door," I said as I got off the bench and walked over to the door. Another round of knocking.

"They're all here," he said once more in confirmation.

"Okay," I said as I opened the door.

"Who's there?" Jeff asked.

"Hi…Adam," I said both as a greeting and a response to Jeff's question.

"You busy?" he asked with a look that I couldn't exactly read. I know that Jeff could hear as he stayed deathly quiet and just listened.

"Yeah, sort of. I'm on the phone," I answered, gesturing to the phone tucked underneath my chin. Jeff softly laughed on the other end and I had to fight the urge to react.

"Well, I just wanted to talk… about last week," he said, somewhat nervously. This was probably due to the fact that I didn't exactly show up to talk with him when I should have.

"Tell him to go to Hell and slam the door in his face," Jeff offered jokingly. I couldn't help myself from laughing slightly which caused Adam to give me a questioning glance.

"Sorry," I muttered to Adam, but it was too late. His demeanor had already changed.

"Can you call whoever it is back?" he asked, getting somewhat angered. I knew that the right thing to do would be to get off the phone with Jeff and talk with him. I should try and make up for breaking my promise.

"Tell him that he can kiss your…"

"Jeff! Be quiet for a second," I said into the phone. Adam just stared at me in shock.

"Jeff? Jeff Hardy?" he asked.

"God, I wish I could see his face," Jeff added with a laugh. I could and it made my whole body ache. He looked genuinely angered… but even more upset.

"Adam, wait," I pleaded as he turned around and walked away.

"I'll talk to you later," I said, speaking to Jeff through the phone, and quickly hung up. I started off into the hallway after him. Maybe he thought that I meant I would talk to him later. I really needed to learn to choose my words better.

"Adam!"

He quickly spun around and stared down at me. His eyes… his beautiful green eyes were aflame. I always believed that the eyes were the gateway to the soul. I don't know who exactly said it, but whoever it was, I believe was a genius. There is something about the eyes that reflect the emotion of the owner. At this moment, his eyes made me quite intimidated.

"You wanted to talk?" I offered shyly. He continued to just stare at me with a stone-like expression. Right as I was about to speak again, he grabbed my hand and pulled me along with him down the hallway. I didn't fight it even as I was almost thrown into a backstage worker because of Adam's haste.

I knew that Adam probably figured out the reason for my awkwardness around him last week. It wasn't that hard, especially since he knew that Jeff and I talk. He even caught us on the phone, meaning that I would have had to known him enough to give him my number. All around, it was somewhat ironic that the two people I felt the closest to in the company hated each other.

He opened the door to, presumably, his dressing room and pulled me inside.

"Adam, I…"

"Shut up," he said softly yet in a very cold tone. I was beginning to get a little scared. Yet I was also confused. Sure we were getting to know each other, but we were far from being very close. I stayed quiet and watched him as he turned his back to me and tried to calm himself down.

"I don't know what your newfound friend told you… but if you think you know me...from what Hardy told you, you most likely don't," he spat at me as he turned to face me again. He was so angered, but all I could think of was the fact that he said "you think you know me". His entrance music popped in my brain and I had to stop myself from humming it. Not the best thing to do at that moment.

"Adam…"

"Don't, Nami. Just don't," he said frustrated. "I wanted to talk with you last week. No, I _needed_ to talk with you last week. I don't know what it is about you, but… when I am around you, it's different. You had no preconceived notions on anything. Maybe that was the reason. I didn't feel like I had to earn back something because you were new... and perfect. I don't even want to know what you heard about me because it doesn't matter. He had no right to…"

"I asked him to tell me," I said softly. I knew that he didn't want me to interrupt, but I didn't want to sit back and let him put down Jeff when it really wasn't his fault.

"You what?" he asked in the same harsh tone. He didn't continue so I figured that he actually wanted me to answer.

"We were talking about his relationship with his brother. I asked… why he wasn't on Raw with him and… it sort of came up. You know, the whole…"

"Yeah, I think I _know_. Do you _really_ think that he knows anything about what happened?! Do you _really_ think that he can speak for Amy?! No, he can't! So maybe we should get some things straight… since you are so fucking interested in my personal life!" he yelled. I flinched as he stood a few inches away from me and glared down at my trembling form. Tears were beginning to form in my eyes, but I would be damned if I were going to let them fall.

"I have no regrets about what happened! Amy and I… we were in love, and maybe we still would be together if not for the way that everything turned out," he snarled at me as I started to back up to get away from his predatorily gaze.

"Matt was the one who dragged it out into the public, not us! He was the one who started the whole love triangle storyline! And okay… maybe Amy and I were in the wrong with the way we started our relationship, but we were so in love that it didn't matter! Nothing mattered except that I loved her and she… finally loved me. She had been my best female friend in this business and we finally realized that we were something more. I know that we hurt Matt... and I hurt Lisa, but we _were_ in love," he said as I hit the wall behind me. There was nowhere else to turn. I tried looking down but he brought his hand up to steady my gaze to his face.

"Yet now… now she is broken. Actually, we both are. People don't look at either of us the same. Most people here side with Hardy so it's hard to find a friend. Harder for Amy than me cause… it always comes back to the double standard, doesn't it? So now, she's leaving," he said softly as he let go of my face and turned his back to me once more.

"She's leaving the WWE?" I asked softly. Adam clenched and unclenched his fists.

"She's been thinking about it for awhile but… she thinks it's time. By the end of November…I'm going to be alone...again," he said, almost so soft I couldn't hear him.

"You're not alone. You have…" He quickly spun around and grabbed my hands to pull me against him.

"Who do I have Nami?! Tell me! John and Randy?! Both of them are too absorbed in their own lives to even give a fuck about anything else! And other than them? There is no one in this locker room that I can talk to! No one I can trust!" he yelled. My wrists began to hurt in his grasp but I couldn't speak. His eyes no longer held anger. Even though he was yelling, they only held deep sadness. I didn't want to pity him, but I couldn't get past the fact that he didn't deserve this. No matter what he did to Matt or his ex-wife, he didn't deserve all of this pain.

"You have me," I said softly with a small smile. He laughed cruelly at me and gave me a harsh vindictive smirk.

"You? You?! And that is supposed to be comforting! Do you think I give a fuck about you? Cause you clearly don't care about me! I just wanted to get a few things straight with you. I am done with you Nami! I don't care why you are here! I don't care if you become a Diva! I don't care about_ you_!" he roared at me.

I just stared up at him, my mouth slightly open in fright and sadness. The tears that I had been holding back started to fall as I pulled out of his grasp and pushed away from him. It didn't seem like I was talking to Adam anymore. It was like he morphed into the character that he plays so well every week. Adam had turned into Edge right before my very eyes.

"Go to Hell," I murmured and left the room quickly before I broke down. I took Jeff's advice, maybe a little too late but...I couldn't believe what had just happened. Adam was livid. I don't even think that is a strong enough word to describe his attitude towards me. And was it really justified? I had even felt pity for him but now... I didn't know what I was feeling.

"Nam, what's wrong?"

I turned to see John Cena walking down the hallway with Randy Orton not far behind. Did they always travel as a pair? Or maybe it was the fact that I was standing outside their locker room.

"It's nothing," I whispered as I turned away from them and started to walk down the hallway back towards my own dressing room.

"Are you sure?" Randy asked. I just waved them off without turning around. I really didn't want them to see me cry. I looked down at the phone in my hands and knew what I needed to do.

"Jeff...I need you."


	12. The Fear of Something or Nothing

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer as I own nothing that has to do with the WWE. I don't own the Pearl Jam lyrics used or the quote from BtVS. The first half is semi-angst and the second half is fluffly friendship stuff. Cause everyone needs to have fluffy, girl talk some times. Thanks to "lozzak", "JL2009", and "XtremeGirl619" for their reviews! It means a lot that people really are enjoying this story. Thanks to everyone who has read. And I promise that things will get better for Nami and the guys soon... especially since the next Monday is someone's big day. Peace and Love!

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"I hate commercials, usually the reason I don't watch movies when they run on TV."

I nodded my head in agreement, but stared blankly at the screen. Raw had come and went. I was still here. Another person went home. Di won the Diva Dance Off and thus had immunity. Blah, blah, blah… Yet none of that mattered to me at the moment. All that mattered was that my heart was aching and things seemed to be falling apart at the seams.

I knew that I was just fooling myself when I said that I felt nothing for Adam. I admitted to a few people that I had a crush on him. I never truly believed it myself. I didn't want to believe that I was beginning to fall for him. I couldn't… I couldn't get attached. Well, I certainly don't have to worry about that anymore.

"You okay?"

I turned towards Jeff and gave him a small smile. Right after the whole incident in the locker room, Jeff was there to comfort me. We talked about what happened and he pretty much just told me to forget about Adam. Easier said than done. There was really only one thing that I left out of my account, and that was the news of Amy's departure. I didn't want to be the one to tell him and from the way that he had been talking about her, I knew that he didn't know.

"Forget about him. You deserve much better," he whispered as he pulled me closer to him.

"I don't know about that one. I mean…he did have a right to be mad," I reasoned. I always hated it when people talked about me behind my back.

"Mad, yes. But what he said to you was beyond anger and he should have kept his mouth shut. You have been here for what, a few weeks and he already thinks that you are best buddies? Delusional bastard," Jeff muttered.

"I guess. Yet…you've only known me for the same amount of time. I'd like to think of us as friends," I said as I looked up into his eyes.

"That's because we _are_ friends. But it's different," he said curtly before turning his attention back to the television.

"How?" I asked softly. He sighed and looked like he was going to answer. Yet we were interrupted by a knock on his hotel room door. He untangled himself from the hold he had on me and walked over to the door.

"Hey Ames," Jeff said as he opened the door. "What's wrong?"

"I think you know _damn well_ what is wrong," she replied, so soft that I almost couldn't hear. I didn't want to listen to their conversation. This whole situation was so awkward. If I could go back and do things differently, maybe I never would have talked with Jeff. Maybe I never would have got Adam's help with my wrestling. Maybe I would have kicked John out of the dressing room. Then everything wouldn't be so messed up.

"Um, sorry?" he asked her.

"Adam," she muttered. Oh God, could this get any worse?

"Jesus, if that is the _only_ reason you came here, I will talk to you later," he said frustrated. I totally understood where he was coming from. I sort of put him in this position. He was getting wrongfully blamed.

"What did you tell her?" Amy asked him defiantly.

"I barely said anything… just the truth. You and Adam fucked up. It's as simple as that. She deserved to know what type of a person she was dealing with," Jeff said harshly. I guess that this was one of the times that he was talking about; when he couldn't see her the way that he used to.

"Nothing is _ever that_ simple," she spat at him. "Adam is hurting and it is all _your_ fault!"

"No, it's not," I said softly, yet loud enough so that I knew she would be able to hear. The next thing I knew, Amy was standing over the bed that I was lying on. I could tell that she had been crying and figured that she and Adam had an argument. Or maybe I was the only person that he screamed at today and they just had a really deep conversation. Either way, she was upset and I deserved all her anger.

"Nami, Amy. Amy, Nami," Jeff said casually as he sat down on the bed next to my lying form. I guess that that was our formal introduction. So much for me being able to talk to her about the company and being a Diva. The way she was looking at me… it looked like she was out for blood.

"Nice to meet you," I said genuinely but I could tell that she didn't want to hear it.

"Save it," she said harshly. Not like I could really blame her. She cared for Adam… a lot. And she was just looking out for him. I decided it would be best to stay quiet.

"Alright Amy, you've met her. Is that what you wanted? If so, I think you know the way out, right?" Jeff asked in a frustrated tone. I think he's sick of hearing about Adam and all of his pain. Adam had caused Matt pain first. He probably thought that it served him right. Yet I was never one that believed in the whole "an eye for an eye" mantra. I was more of a "two wrongs don't make a right" believer.

"Honestly, I don't know what I want. I don't even know _why_ I came. I wasn't really expecting_ you_ to be here," Amy said speaking directly to me.

"I needed to talk to someone," I murmured, even though I really didn't think that it was any of her business. Yet I wanted to try and make things somewhat right. Nothing would ever be the same. But I was going to try.

"This is rich. You can talk to him but totally neglect Adam?" she asked crossly. I knew that I deserved that, so I wasn't going to retort.

"Adam's a big boy Ames. He can take care of himself," Jeff said. Amy finally took her eyes away from me to look at the other occupant of the bed. I wished that Jeff would just be quiet for once. He was not making things much better.

"Can I say something?" I asked timidly. Both Jeff and Amy turned their attention back to me. I sat up and slightly cleared my throat. Now, I just had to think of something to say.

"You don't need to say anything. You didn't do anything wrong," Jeff said as he put a comforting hand on my shoulder. I looked over at him and gave him a small smile before kissing him on the cheek.

"Jeff, you have been…been nothing but a true gentleman to me…and I thank you," I said looking directly into his eyes. My eyes began to glass over and I knew that I had to be quick or I might never go through with it. "But…I can't do this anymore."

"What? What are…" I silenced him by putting a finger to his lips.

"Please? Let me…finish," I said as I felt the first tear slide down my cheek. He nodded his head and I moved my hand away from his face.

"Ever since I began this competition, I was…amazed at how different it was than I originally perceived it would be…And I don't mean that in a bad way. Everyone I met welcomed us and treated us like we already belonged. But the fact of the matter is…that we don't. I could get sent home at any time and…"

"That doesn't matter. Even if you went home, I would…"

"Jeff, please! Let me finish! That's not what I meant!" I attested as I got off the bed. I pushed past Amy and I stood at the end of the bed. I couldn't be near him. He would just try and convince me that I was being crazy, and maybe I was. But I knew that this was not what I wanted to happen. I was here to get a story not become one.

"What I meant was…that I am here to become a WWE Diva. I should…I should be concentrating on the competition and my training. I can't do this anymore. If I could go back, none of this would have happened," I said glancing over at Amy. She was still upset but I wanted her to know that I didn't want to hurt Adam. Besides, he sure knew how to return the favor.

"I want it to go back to the way things were before. When I was just Nami, the Diva Search contestant… not Nami, the…"I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. Jeff got up off the bed and pulled me into an embrace.

"Even if you want to go back, you can't darlin'. And there is nothing wrong with that. You are my friend and I am not going to let you turn your back on that because of some bastard who…"

"Adam didn't do anything to her!" Amy hollered. Jeff let go of me and turned to face Amy.

"Just like he didn't do anything to my brother right? He…"

"Would you please get over that? Matt has moved on! Why don't..." I couldn't listen to it anymore. All of it was too much. I needed to break free. I quickly picked up my bag off the ground and made my way to the door. Amy and Jeff were too wrapped up in their argument to notice. I shut the door as quietly as I could and quickly hustled to the stairwell. The elevator would take too long and I didn't want Jeff to follow me.

This was crazy! I couldn't believe what was happening. Yet I knew it was for the best, no matter what Jeff believed. I needed to concentrate on my story anyway. I was beginning to enjoy it too much and losing the journalistic viewpoint that I needed to write the damn thing. That was the reason I was here. I had to just keep that in mind. That was the reason that I met everyone... the story.

I was also neglecting Carly and Evelyn. The past week I had spent more time talking on the phone with Jeff than I had spent with either of them. They were the ones that I should be hanging around with. They were the ones that I needed to get close to. Not Jeff...Not Adam.

Adam. Just thinking about him made me unwell. I really did like him. And I felt horrible for what happened, but I didn't do anything! I understand that he feels alone. Hell, I know that better than anybody here. But that really didn't mean that he needed to totally go off on me. I didn't mean to cause him any harm. Neither did Jeff. I know he didn't. No matter how much he talks about how Adam means nothing to him, I know that deep down, he still cares. If only a little, there is still something there.

Just like my feelings for both of them. I can try and push them away, but I know that they will linger there. I am doing the right thing. I am doing the right thing! I just need to keep telling myself that and maybe I will believe it. Maybe this was the reason that management didn't want us fraternizing with the talent. But of course, I was the one that had to become friends with two of the biggest sworn enemies in the company.

I finally had made it to my floor…only twenty flights of stairs. I guess that's not that bad considering I am a wrestler in training. I quickly made it to my room and slipped the key card in the slot.

"…clue where she is. I haven't seen her since we arrived back here after the show," I heard Carly telling someone as I entered the room. I threw my bag next to the closet and walked into sight.

"Speak of the devil," Carly said, yet my eyes were focused on the other person in the room: Adam.

"Hey. I was wondering if we could talk?" he asked with a small smile. I gave him an incredulous look. Did he forget about what had happened only a few hours ago? Did he seriously think that I had forgotten about it?

"Why don't I just leave you two alone," Carly said with a big grin. She gave me a friendly hug as she grabbed her purse and left. Some friend, but it's not like she knew what transpired between Adam and me. Only Jeff…and I guess Amy knew.

"I am _so_ sorry for what I said earlier," Adam said as soon as we heard the door click shut. He came over and took my hands in his. I closed my eyes and put my head down. God, these guys were making this so hard. "And I know that after everything I said to you…that you will never be able to look at me the same, but…I just needed you to know that I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

I took a deep breath as Adam lightly placed a kiss on my hair before laying his head down on mine. Even though I thought that I was all cried out after everything that had happened, new tears began to fall. Was I doing the right thing?

"Adam… you hurt me today. But…" Before I could continue, he lifted up his head and pulled me over to the bed. He sat down so even with my head bowed he could look into my eyes. Smart man. Or maybe he had done this times in the past?

"I know and I am sorry," he said as he let go of one of my hands to brush the tears away. "Don't cry… I didn't mean it. I was just… angry. I thought that I was losing you to Hardy, which would be kind of ironic since…"

"How can you lose something you don't have?" I asked tersely. He just nodded his head and brought his hand back down to grasp mine.

"Yeah, I know that… but I thought that we had something that maybe could turn into more. Maybe I was misreading some signs, but… I really like you Nami. I can't tell you how or why. But I do. You are… different than all the others I have met in this business. You have something different. You care about the business but it doesn't seem to fully take over you. I guess you could say the best of both worlds… something I have always wanted to find."

Okay, maybe I needed to reassess the situation. Telling Jeff about my proposal was hard enough and in actuality, I never did finish. I left, taking the cowardly way out. Yet now, there was no way out. This was my room. And unless Carly decided by some miracle to come back, I needed to stay resolute.

"You are making this very hard for me," I told him honestly as he continued to stare into my eyes. He smiled slightly and I almost caved. His smile… God what wouldn't I give to wake up to that every morning?

"I just saw Amy," I said. He gave me a confused look. I was happy that he didn't ask her to come and yell at Jeff. It just proved that he still cared a little for Jeff as well.

"Amy? Why? What did she say?" Adam asked.

"I was with Jeff and she came and pretty much blamed Jeff for everything that has happened between us. I told her that I was the one that should be blamed," I said.

"That's not true," he quickly added.

"Believe what you want, but if you don't blame me, you can't blame Jeff either," I said with a stern look. He understood that I was not going to waver on that fact and I think finally accepted it. I breathed a sigh of relief and decided that it was now or never.

"That being said… I think that I need a break… from all this," I said softly.

"You're not going to leave the Diva Search are you?" he asked with some distress.

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean _this_," I said as I gently squeezed his hands.

"I am not going to make you choose between me and Jeff if that is why you are doing this," he said flatly as he looked down and away from my gaze. I laughed slightly. That is what it would always come back to: me and Jeff or me and Adam. We all could barely be considered friends and already were finding ourselves in a triangle of sorts.

"I told Jeff the same thing… well, sort of. He and Amy started to argue so I decided to slip out. But he knows where…"

_"Oh, I, oh I'm still alive…"_

"Maybe not," I muttered as I heard Jeff's ringtone coming from my bag. I left Adam's side for a second to grab my phone and turn the ringer off. I needed to deal with Adam now before I lost my nerve.

"That Jeff?" he asked hoarsely, like he already knew. I just nodded my head as I kept my back to him.

"This whole thing is many shades of wrong. And I think that we need to step back for a while," I said as I slowly turned to face him.

"Well, I guess I should be thankful that you are actually talking to me. But from what you're saying, after tonight…" Adam trailed off as he looked at the new tears that were streaming down my face. I felt like such a crybaby, but this whole situation was killing me. I never knew that I could get attached to two people so quickly. He got off the bed and came over to me once more.

"If it is hurting you so much, why are you doing this?" he asked as he wiped the tears once more from my eyes. "If you want to be with Jeff, I'll step aside. I won't cause you any pain… well any _more_ pain." He laughed slightly trying to break the gloomy mood.

"I don't know what _I_ want. I just… need some time," I said as I looked into his eyes. He nodded and enveloped me in an embrace.

"When you figure out, I will be here," he whispered as he pressed a last kiss into my hair. I smiled as that went much better than I thought it would. Yet of course, I didn't actually think that I would ever have to have this conversation with Adam. Earlier tonight, he made it seem like he could care less about me. He even said as much. Yet now, he was so kind and understanding. It was like there were two sides of Adam Copeland and I never knew what I was going to get.

"Aw, how sweet," Carly said as she reentered our hotel room. Adam and I pulled apart from each other. He wordlessly bid me farewell and nodded to Carly on his way out. Carly saw my tearstained cheeks and red, swollen eyes and became concerned.

"Are you okay?" she asked. I smiled through my sadness as I knew that this was a new beginning.

"I will be."

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"Infomercial… infomercial… oh, what a surprise? Another fucking infomercial!"

It was a little after four in the morning and Carly and I hadn't been able to sleep. I spent most of the night writing and talking with Carly about the whole situation. She was happy that I could come to and talk and more than happy to hear all of the gossip she had been missing. She was a lot like Danielle in that respect... speaking of another friend that I had been neglecting. I needed to make a few phone calls tomorrow.

I also had too much on my mind to actually sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I either saw Jeff or Adam. They were in my heart and wouldn't leave even if I wanted them to. Yet the real question was, how much of my heart did they have? And even more, who did I care for more? There was no way that I could actually answer that question. It was just too hard.

"Maybe we should give up on the TV," I said with a yawn, as I felt the first wave of weariness hit me.

"There has to be something on! Remind me never to have Starbucks at eleven at night again," she said as she continued to channel surf.

"Sure hun," I said as I laid my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes.

"Ooo, Buffy's on," Carly said with a squeal. I laughed at her giddiness and opened my eyes. "It is one of my guilty pleasures."

"I see that," I said as I fixed my eyes on the television.

"Oh God, it's the series finale. I so am going to be bawling by the end," she murmured as the show came back from a commercial. Just thinking of commercials made me think of Jeff because of earlier tonight. God, I had it bad. I put my pillow over my head and let out a scream in frustration. I had just let two guys go, but wanted them again.

"Nami? Are you okay?" Carly asked concerned. I pulled the pillow away from my face and nodded as I turned to watch the screen.

_"I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat…or enjoy warm, delicious cookie me, then...that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done,"_ Buffy said on the screen. I chucked my pillow at the screen which caused Carly to jump.

"Oh my God Nami. What's wrong? I love this part. It's so sweet," she said. I groaned and got out of bed.

"I have had enough of sweet lines and sentimental mush. Ugh, why won't they just leave me alone?" I asked as I held my head in my hands.

"Aw, babe. It will be alright," Carly said as she turned off the television. "You actually have a lot in common with Buffy...not that I mean you are a vampire slayer or anything. She had two big loves of her life..."

"I don't love Jeff or Adam. That's a pretty big difference," I added curtly. She sighed and made a face.

"Yeah, maybe not yet. But there is something between the both of you... and the other both of you," she said as I laughed at her analysis. I sat down on her bed and she quickly embraced me in a hug.

"You know... both Adam and Jeff were semi-vampiric when they were in the Brood," she mused more to herself than me. "You so are like Buffy."

"Yeah, well… I am definitely not going back to sleep tonight," I said trying to get the conversation away from my triangle problem. "Too much on my mind."

"You are like the luckiest girl ever and you are letting it all slip by," Carly said with a laugh as she lied back down on her bed.

"I'm not. I'm… just... not done baking," I said sarcastically with a laugh. She threw her pillow at me as laughter rang out through our room. Before either of us knew it, there was an all out pillow fight going on. And after all the feathers had settled, Carly and I curled up and fell asleep.

* * *

Carly and I made it down to the lobby earlier than normal. It was probably due to the fact that neither of us had slept much and never actually got into a deep enough sleep to be dead to the world. By the time our pillow war had ended, it was close to five in the morning. Our alarm was set for six. Yeah, neither of us got any decent sleep.

"Well that's a change. The vans are here early," Carly remarked as we saw them through the lobby's glass doors.

"What are we waiting for?" I asked with a laugh as the two of us locked arms and walked out of hotel. We were the first two to arrive, which was fine with us. We got settled in the back seat. Carly started to drift to sleep. I looked back into the hotel trying to see if I could spot any of the others. Yet instead, my eyes locked on to one of the people that I had been trying to forget about all night: Adam. I sighed and looked away and back at my now sleeping friend.

"I'm definitely not done baking."


	13. You Sink Into My Clothes

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I own nothing that has to do with the WWE. Thanks to everyone who has read and "decemberunderground" and "unlimited emerald0307" for their reviews. Peace and Love!!!_

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"Ow! That hurts!"

"Sorry. I've never actually had to braid someone else's hair before," I muttered as I continued the painstakingly meticulous job of making small braids in Carly's hair… well hair extensions more than actual hair.

"Really? I used to do it for my younger sisters all the time when I was younger," Evelyn said as she was fixing her hair in the mirror as well.

"Then why am I the one doing this?" I asked lightheartedly as I stopped working for a moment. I looked down at my hands and groaned in disgust. "Ugh, and I have purple dye all over my hands."

"I _am_ Jeff Hardy, remember? And it's not like I was really going to dye my hair purple," she said as I resumed my task and continued to get the temporary dye all over me. I found it funny that that statement was coming from a girl who had green highlights in her everyday hair. Green dye, purple dye… I don't see that much of a difference.

It was Monday night and Raw had come to Moline, Illinois. The show was already in progress as the three of us were situated in a makeshift make-up room getting ready for our segment near the end of the telecast. Yet we had already had the elimination after the opening segment with Randy and Edge, or as Randy called them last week: Rated RKO. I think it has a nice ring to it and wonder if it is going to stick… especially since they think that this feud will last a little while longer. I had to pull myself away from the monitor to get ready to go out yet I watched long enough to hear that it was a special day. It was Adam's birthday.

I hadn't spoken to Adam since last week in the hotel room. That didn't mean he was ever far from my mind. It seemed the more I tried to distance myself from him, the more that he was there. The same could be said for Jeff. I talked to him on the phone Tuesday night, just to finish the conversation that I had skipped out on. I almost felt like giving him the 'cookie dough' speech that Carly was constantly reminding me of, but I figured that would just make me sound crazy.

"Almost…finished," I said as I touched up the last braid on Carly's head.

Tonight, the three of us were quite the trio. Well, we always were, yet now it was taken to an extreme. We were truly a force to be reckoned with. And that was because tonight was the Diva Halloween Costume Challenge. The elimination was done earlier so we could get ready for our challenge later on... and because there were only six names. Three of the names were faces while three of them were heels.

After Katie was eliminated, Mike gave us each a plastic sphere. Carly said that it was exactly like what happens at the Royal Rumble. Uh-huh… sure. Each sphere contained a different Raw Superstar's name. Our challenge was to get dressed up to be like a female version of our given Superstar. We were broken up into teams of three and each given a half hour in the make-up and costume area. The only rule was that we each had to wear the shirt that we were provided from WWE Merchandising. Di, Emma, and Jenny went first so now we were rushing to finish by the deadline. Luckily, we were pretty much completed… after I washed my hands.

Carly was Jeff. Her hair was given extensions and temporality dyed purple. It could hardly be considered dye since my hands were just as purple as her hair. I told her it would be better just to wear a wig, yet she wanted to go "natural". Yeah, cause hair extensions are natural. She was wearing the Jeff Hardy shirt that she was given as well as her own version of his famous arm wrappings. She painted her nails black and both Evelyn and I painted her arm as well as her face with paint. She wanted to be unrecognizable as Carly, but instantaneously understood to be Jeff. Well, that was a definite as she even took out her violet contacts and went with her natural green eyes. She capped off her outfit with five inch black heels and a purple mini skirt. Hey, they did say _female_ version.

Evelyn was John. Carly and I both agreed that she got off easy. She tied up her already brunette hair in a pony tail and adorned it with a sideways Red Sox hat. She wore the John Cena jersey that she was given with a denim mini skirt. Her simple costume was topped off with wristbands and white sneakers.

Even though Carly may have had the hardest costume, I was having the _hardest _time with mine. By some twist of fate as Carly called it (already getting into character), I was Adam… well Edge. I couldn't believe it when I read the name on the slip of paper. I immediately thought it was a set-up, but Carly said she had nothing to do with it. And how could she? But Adam… no, that would be too ludicrous to even deem possible.

I was wearing a blonde wig, since there was no way I was going blonde for a stupid challenge. Carly cut up my "Rated R Superstar" shirt when I was not looking. Now, it looks more like something Lita would wear to the ring. I looked at her like she was insane because it certainly wasn't my style. Yet seeing as that was the shirt that I needed to wear, I had no choice but to comply. It was way too low cut for my liking as well as showing off a lot of my midriff. Yet Carly and Evelyn said that I needed to ooze 'sex and violence' if I wanted to be Edge. I picked out a black, pleated miniskirt and big black combat boots. Carly gave me a pair of sunglasses to wear as she didn't want to be the only one incognito as it would ruin the suspense of who was who. The glasses were the only part of the ensemble that I didn't mind wearing. They could hide the ramped emotions that were swirling around in my eyes. And finally, no Edge costume would be complete without a black trench coat.

"You look so hot," Evelyn said as I pulled the trench coat on to complete the ensemble.

"Whatever you say," I muttered, brushing my faux hair one last time. "I feel really, _really_ uncomfortable. This is not me."

"That's the point! Do you think I wear body paint all the time just for the hell of it?!" Carly asked as we all began to laugh. I guess she was right. I really just needed to learn to be comfortable in my own skin; something that I really wasn't used to. This experience was loosening me up slowly but surely. Yet this was a little much.

"Look at us! Now this would be the best team ever! Total domination!" Carly said as she pulled me and Evelyn towards her. We all stared at the reflection. John Cena, Jeff Hardy, and Edge… yeah, like_ that_ would happen in the near future.

As we all continued to look at ourselves in the mirror, I couldn't help but feel like I was a kid again. It was as if I was getting ready to go trick or treating with my friends. All of this seemed childish, yet in a way it was just what the doctor ordered. And it wasn't like our other challenges brought about an air of maturity. All I had to do was remember the paint war and this challenge didn't seem juvenile anymore. Thus, after a week of emotional turmoil and intense training (_don't ask_), maybe this was just the break I needed.

"Yo, let's roll out," Evelyn said as she pulled her hat further over her eyes. Carly just flashed "the gunz" and followed her out the door. I turned to stare at my reflection once more. I was unrecognizable as long as I kept the sunglasses on.

"Here goes nothing," I murmured to myself as I turned around and left the room.

"Come on, Rated R Superstar! We have to meet the others in catering… like _now_," Carly said as she grabbed my hand and started walking down the hallway.

"I say that after this, we go trick-or-treating," Evelyn said as she came up on the other side of me. We all settled in step with each other and interlocked our arms showing our unity: something that our actual counterparts would never do.

"I was thinking the same thing. Too bad it's the_ thirtiet__h!_" I said jokingly while pulling her Red Sox hat off and putting it on my own head.

"Now if we only had the Rated R spinner belt," Carly mused as we turned the corner and continued to catering.

"Then you could rap for us," Evelyn said with a laugh.

"I think that's your shtick babe," I said as I took the hat off my head and ran my hand through the wig on my head. Evelyn went to grab the hat from me but I jumped away and kept it from her. Might as well have some fun.

"You can't see me," I said while waving my free hand in front of my face. I had seen John do that enough times to realize it must be somewhat of a trademark.

"Oh you want some… come get some," Evelyn said as the three of us ran the rest of the way to catering in a childish flight of fancy. I swear, it was all the costume's fault. It put me in a weird mood. We burst through the doors in a fit of laughter as Evelyn still tried to get her hat back.

"Hey! Why isn't someone dressed like me?"

The three of us turned toward Randy and laughed. It was quite humorous how the "Legend Killer", the youngest WWE Champion in history, was not represented. Yet he really didn't have a trademark style or clothing item. Well, unless you count the arrogant smirk that he rarely takes off his face.

We turned away from the perturbed Randy Orton to look at the other three girls: Shawn Michaels, Johnny Nitro, and Umaga. Di was Umaga! That made my night… even though I had to admit that her outfit was pretty hot: little black dress, strappy sandals and very intricate tribal tattoos. Her blonde hair was pulled into a black wig. She was pretty unrecognizable. Out of all of us, I thought she definitely looked the best.

I pushed Evelyn's hat back on her head as we headed over toward the other girls.

"Hey! Don't mess up the hair," she said as she fixed it to her liking. We made it to the table and greeted the others. We all were just looking each other over and didn't notice when a new comer joined the table.

"At least someone from the best tag team on Raw is represented," Randy said as he leaned on my shoulder. I rolled my eyes yet it was blocked out by my sunglasses.

"Yeah, I see Jenny is HBK," Evelyn said with a smile. All of the girls at the table gave her high fives for her quip.

"Hey! No high fiving! You should be on my side," Randy said to me. I guess this brought the childish side out in everyone, or Randy was just a big child. It was so funny that he had no clue who I was. I was loving it. He was called over to another table and quickly left my side.

"We all look kick ass," Evelyn said as she looked around at the six incognito Divas after Orton's departure.

"I have to agree," Jenny said as we still continued to look each other over. It was _still_ a competition after all. It was obvious that Jenny was Shawn and Evelyn was John. Yet since Di and Evelyn were both wearing paint, it was hard to tell who they were. Emma and I were wearing sunglass and wigs that hid our identities. We were all enigmas. I didn't even know if the other three knew who Carly and who was me.

"Hello ladies."

Di, Emma, and Jenny got up from their seats and we all stood in front of Mr. McMahon as the six Superstars that we were imitating filed into the catering room. We all nodded and looked at the seven figures who seemingly loomed over us. Intimidating? I would say so. I shifted my gaze between the two Superstars that stood furthest from each other: Jeff and Adam. They were constant professionals but would not go out of their way to be near each other if they could. It sort of dampened my overly giddy mood. Yet I couldn't let it faze me. I had a challenge to try and win.

"You all look fabulous. I can't even recognize half of you," he continued. We all just smiled at him and waited for him to continue.

"So, I wanted to give you all a rundown of what is about to happen. Mizanin is going to introduce you one by one. Yet you will not be going out under your own names, but your new aliases. You will also go out to their Titantron, their music, and feel free to parody their entrance. I am sure they won't mind," Mr. McMahon said with a laugh as he glanced at the six men flanking him. "And if you are victorious, depending on the alignment of your Superstar… we'll you'll just have to wait and see."

I did not like the gleam I saw in his eye when he said that.

* * *

"You ready?"

I looked over at Jenny and pulled the sunglasses away from my face. We had never really bonded over the course of our time in the competition. Yet now, all of us tried to be there for each other. Even Di and I got along to some extent. We were still rivals, yet didn't let personal feelings rule our words. Right now, Jenny and I were the only two left backstage.

"Not really," I said as I replaced the sunglasses over my eyes. "I can't get Mr. McMahon's look out of my mind. He is up to something and I don't think it is going to end well if Di, Emma, or I win."

"Don't worry about it. You know he always has _something _up his sleeve," Jenny said as DX's music hit. "Got to go."

I stood back and watched the monitor as Emma made her way to the ring. I sighed and ran my hand through the blonde hair on my head.

"Don't be nervous," John said as he came up behind me. I turned around and saw all six of the Superstars that we were emulating had made their way back to the area. I knew that none of them knew who I was. It was still very humorous. I know that John wanted me to let him know who I was, but where would the fun be in that?

_"You think you know me." _How true.

I gave all six of them a grin before turning around and pushing the curtain open. It was strange. Even though Edge was one of the, if not the biggest, heel in the company, there were nothing but cheers from the crowd. I did Edge's usual slide into the ring (something that I was happy we learned in training), before going over to the ropes. I had watched enough of his matches as of late to get his mannerisms down somewhat. Before taking my place next to Di on the heel side of the ring, I let the trench coat slip down my shoulders and threw the discarded garment on the ropes.

"Nice touch," Di murmured to me. Things between the two of us were still usually cold, but they were much better than when we had started. I think it was because I had started to take this competition, along with the business, a lot more seriously.

"And the winner of the Diva Search Halloween Costume Contest is… Edge!"

The one time I really didn't want to win, I won. How fortunate.

"Metalingus" blasted throughout the arena yet this time the real Edge came down the ramp.

"This is _not_ going to be good," I whispered to Di, who was still the closet person to me.

"Walk towards him when he gets in the ring," Mike whispered to me. I shot him a look and he just shrugged his shoulders. I knew he knew what was going to happen and I had my own suspicion.

Edge came into the ring with a smirk on his face as he surveyed the women in front of him. When his eyes locked onto my form, I took my few steps forward. The next thing I knew, I was on my back… and in a lot of pain.

"You okay?" Adam whispered quickly. I moaned slightly in reply. I guess he took that as a 'yes' as he got off me with a triumphant smirk on his face. He exited the ring as the other five girls bent down next to me as I acted like I was knocked out. It really wasn't hard. I had never taken a really hard bump… ever. Well, they always say there is a first time for everything.

"Oh my God, Nami! Are you okay?" Carly asked as she took the sunglasses off my face. I opened my eyes and groaned. She gave me a smile.

"The medics are coming," Jenny said as some of the girls came and watched the men rush down the ramp. Carly replaced my sunglasses as they all got out of the way for the assistance. Within a few minutes, I was carried backstage flanked by the rest of my Divas in Training. When we made it to the back, Carly and Evelyn pulled me into a big hug.

"You won!" Evelyn squealed as we continued our hug, which only grew bigger as the other three joined in. It would have been a real Kodak moment, if I still wasn't in so much pain. That was not fun.

A line of people passed us yet the only one I really caught sight of was huge. He was the biggest wrestler I had ever seen and I thought that maybe it was just my eyes playing tricks on me. I had never seen him around before.

"Man, the Big Show looks _really big_ in person," Carly muttered as we all were still in a haphazard embrace. I just nodded my head. Wasn't that the truth?

"Ladies, you all did fabulous," John said as he came from around the corner. We all just smiled at him. "Especially you Ev." He pulled his counterpart into a friendly hug. Talk about a Kodak moment. John's music hit and he nodded his head in a parting gesture.

"You are so lucky," Emma said as she playfully shoved Evelyn. I smiled as I tried to get up off the stretcher that I was lying on.

"Miss?"

We all turned to see one of the medics still hanging around. His attention was focused on me.

"We have been advised by management to just check you over. Make sure everything is alright," he said. I scoffed at him and pushed myself off the stretcher. I immediately felt pain in my back and held on to my vacated cot.

"Okay, maybe that wouldn't be that bad of an idea," I said with a smile. Carly and Evelyn got on either side of me and helped me follow the man. On the way, I saw Jeff walking down the hallway, bag in hand.

After not seeing him for a whole week, I was beginning to go through withdrawals. I missed our talks, even when they weren't about anything. I missed his voice. I broke free from my two girlfriends and quickly hustled through the pain to catch up with Jeff.

"Nami!" Carly yelled after me, which caused Jeff to stop. But I wasn't really expecting it... him stopping, I mean. As he turned around, I collided into him and we both went sprawling on the ground.

"Do I know how to make an impression or what?" I joked as I took the sunglasses off of my eyes. He just laughed and quickly pulled me into a hug before I could protest.

"Hey darlin'," he whispered as we pulled back. He got up and pulled me up to stand with him. He saw me grimace in pain. He looked back at where the rest of the group stood as if looking for something.

"She going to medical?" Jeff asked. I looked at him confused.

"Yeah. I was instructed to take her there," the medic said. Jeff just nodded his head before lifting me in his arms.

"Want a lift?"


	14. Kiss The Stars With Me

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I own nothing that has to do with the WWE and its Superstars. This chapter is a little Adam-centric, but it is his birthday. Thus it is a little fluffy, yet it won't be all fluff in the future... even though I see nothing wrong with it. Thanks to everyone who has read and "lozzak" and "unlimited emerald0307" for the reviews. Peace and Love!!!_

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* * *

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"Can you please just pick out a few of them and let's go!"

I turned to glare at Carly yet realized she couldn't get the full effect since I had sunglasses on. I pulled them off my eyes and turned to look at her.

"The girls are waiting," she said in an irritated tone.

"Yeah, and I told them that they should go back to the hotel," I said turning back around and looking at the selection in front of me. Should I go with the cupcake shaped or regular balloon? Or maybe both?

"We didn't know that it would take you twenty minutes to pick out a fucking balloon!" Di exclaimed as the four girls came back into the store.

After I had been seen by the medical team and was cleared to leave, the van dropped us back off at the hotel. Yet instead of staying in for the night, I decided that I wanted to head to the small convenience store we passed along the way. I saw some helium balloons in the window and decided that I wanted to get one for Adam. It was his birthday after all. I know that I wasn't really supposed to be talking with him after my big declaration. Yet I figured that after I had broken it earlier by speaking with Jeff, I could break it again for Adam.

All of the girls decided that they wanted to come along. I doubt it was the feeling of closeness the group was to some extent forming. No, I think it was the fact that I was buying a birthday gift for one of the most popular WWE Superstars and they wanted to be in on it. It was amusing enough watching their reactions when they saw the interaction between Jeff and I. The fact that he actually carried me all the way to the medical area was enough to have many jealous looks sent my way. And it got even worse when he slipped me a note on his way out, one that I have yet to actually read. Too many prying eyes.

"Fine fine… I will just get both. Jeez, you guys are _really_ impatient," I said as the cashier behind the counter went to blow up the selected balloons.

"You do realize that it is quarter after eleven. Thank god we are in the central time zone so it is actually still his birthday!" Carly exclaimed as I paid the cashier for the balloons. I looked at the clock and realized that she was right. Back home in New Jersey it was already Halloween. Hey, at least I am _dressed f_or it. All of us were still in our costumes. We were having a little _too much_ fun with the challenge.

"Let's get out of here," I said as I grabbed the balloons from the cashier. We all headed to the doors before Evelyn stopped us.

"Wait! We need to get kazoos," Evelyn said with a laugh. "And streamers!"

"Yeah streamers rule!" Carly said as she followed Evelyn back down the aisles. "Long live the stream!"

"And long live the zoo!" Evelyn said. I turned over my shoulder and looked at the others. Emma and Jenny just shrugged.

"It was from an Edge and Christian skit years ago... Edge's Burthday party if I remember correctly," Di answered. I just nodded and turned back to watch Evelyn and Carly search. I was happy to see that I wasn't the only person who didn't have a complete knowledge of wrestling history. _Long live the stream?_

"Found 'em!" Carly called out victoriously. I just smiled as I saw them go pay for kazoos, streamers, and party hats.

"You know what will be really funny?" I said with a grin. "If we don't find him."

"We'll ask around. We have to be able to find Adam, Randy, John, or Jeff," Carly said as we finally started our small walk back to the hotel.

"Oh yes. I am sure Jeff will know exactly where Adam is," I responded with a laugh. Even though they both knew about my mutual friendships, I don't think they would be overly happy of me wanting to spend quality time with the other.

"Maybe not. But Amy would," Carly responded. I just shook my head with a small laugh. Talk about a roundabout way to find Adam. Call Jeff to ask Amy, who wasn't a big fan of mine to begin with, if she knows where Adam is. That sounded possible but in every sense of the word was _impossible_. Evelyn handed me a hat and I gestured to the balloons in my hand. So she gently strapped the hat on top of my wig-adorned head.

"Wow. We are so lame," Di said as she adjusted the hat that was now on her own head. We all laughed and continued our way to the hotel lobby. This had certainly been an interesting night.

"Okay so what is the plan?" Evelyn asked as we made it back and walked through the sliding doors. "How are we going to find Adam?"

"I don't think we need to worry about that," I murmured. They followed my gaze to Randy, John, and Adam talking by the small hotel bar less than twenty feet away. It seemed that they knew they were being watched as all of their eyes turned to us.

"Okay. Now I am going to start to hyperventilate. Need air," Emma said as she looked at the group before turning around and then exiting the lobby.

"Nami, wait!" _Nami?_ Adam came over and rushed by us to get outside. He thought Emma was me. Both Carly and I started to laugh slightly as we turned around to follow the retreating birthday boy. I guess the costumes really _did_ work. We walked outside and stopped as we watched Adam try and talk to Emma who he thought was me. Talk about entertainment.

"Hey what's going on?" Randy asked as Adam's friends joined us outside.

"I _knew_ that Nami was Nitro!" John said as he came up behind us. Carly and I just started laughing anew.

"Nami, why don't you just talk with me?" Adam asked as he pulled the sunglasses off of Emma. "Wait, you're not…" All of the girls broke out in laughter at Adam's shocked expression. It was priceless.

"I'm not Nami," Emma squeaked out. Adam just gave her a small smile before turning to the rest of us. It was funny how he had yet to acknowledge the fact that we all had party hats on… or the fact that I was holding two huge helium balloons that read "Happy Birthday". You would think that that would give it away. Or maybe he thought that I was still playing the part of him and we were celebrating _my_ birthday. Talk about childish. He couldn't honestly think that... could he?

"Sorry. I just…" Adam said as he turned back to Emma. He ruffled his hair and sighed. He was so sure that I was Nitro. It seemed like a lot of them were. It was probably due to the fact that Emma spent most of the day keeping to herself. And the last time I talked with Adam, that is exactly what I wanted to do… or at least said I should be doing.

"As funny as this is, maybe we should just tell him. It _is_ his birthday," Evelyn whispered into my ear.

"So if Nami wasn't Nitro, then…" Randy looked at Carly and went to wipe some of the paint off. I laughed as she quickly skirted away and ran behind Adam.

"I think we have a winner," John said with a grin. "Now, can we all go back inside?" Carly sent me a look as I proceeded to follow the rest of the people inside while Adam accosted her.

"Aren't you going to tell him?" Emma asked as she caught up to the group. I laughed at her and tied the balloons loosely to a chair in the lobby. The five of us girls settled into chairs as we all knew it wouldn't be long before Adam realized that it was actually Carly he was talking to. Yet knowing Carly, she was probably play along to try and get every bit of information she could out of him… that is if she could keep a straight face. The guys went back to the bar, brought their drinks over, and joined us.

"You guys going to wait for Nami to come back?" Randy asked.

"Something like that," Di muttered which caused us all to laugh again.

"Okay, you girls are a little too giddy. What's up?" John asked. I sighed and decided that it was time to relent. I pulled the sunglasses off of my eyes.

"You all really had no idea?" I asked with a grin.

"Holy sh… so who is Adam talking with?" Randy asked with a laugh.

"Carly," I answered as I replaced the glasses.

"That's fucking awesome," Randy exclaimed as he took a swig of his drink.

"How's your back?" John asked me. I just shrugged.

"I'm on so many painkillers, I really can't say," I said with a smile. That was all the medical staff had to offer: ice and medication. I heartily accepted both, anything to dull the pain. And I must say, that until John brought it up, I totally forgot about it.

"This is not funny anymore!" Adam yelled as he came into the lobby looking very exasperated. Carly followed him back in and came over to the girls and gave us all high fives. She kept him out there a lot longer than I would have thought.

"I think it's hilarious!" John said with a laugh.

"That's because you know," Evelyn shot back at him. Adam looked between his two friends and they just shrugged. It was really becoming too much. I untied the two balloons from the chair and got up from my seat.

"Happy birthday," I said as I went over and gave him a friendly hug. I pulled back and he quickly pulled the glasses from my face.

"I just had to be sure this time," he said with a grin as he took the balloons from my hand. "Nice costume by the way."

"Thanks... so, what did you and Carly talk about?" I asked as we walked back to the group. He sat down in the only available chair, which was originally mine, and pulled me down on top.

"Nothing," Carly said in a sing-song tone. "I'll tell you later."

"No you won't," Adam said with a grin, returning her tone. Carly just laughed and gave me a knowing look. I would _definitely_ talk with her later.

"Ev and Car got you some kazoos and steamers," I said with a laugh. Adam's smile grew even wider as the girls past him one of each.

"Long live the stream," Adam said as he blew into the streamer.

"And long live the zoo."

We all looked up to see a newcomer to the group.

"Jay? What? Huh?" I tried to get up yet Adam tightened his hold on my waist. Jay came over to the group and set his bag down.

"Happy birthday bro," Jay said as he gave best friend a handshake. "I see I came at the perfect time."

"I thought you would be here sooner," John said as Jay greeted the other two men before pulling over a chair. I was really beginning to feel awkward. And if I was feeling awkward, I knew five other girls that were feeling the same, if not more so.

"Plane was delayed. I stayed at the airport bar to catch the show," Jay said. "Nice zebra stripes tonight."

"Yeah, too bad I didn't get to do my job," Adam said with a laugh, remarking about how Triple H took him out before he could ref the match. The four men stated to talk about the show and I turned to look at the girls. We all were trying to find a way out.

"I think we should go. Leave you all to catch up," I said as I tried to pry myself off of Adam's lap. Easier said than done.

"Don't go," Adam said as he tried to keep me in his lap. "It is my birthday after all."

I looked over at the clock and grinned. 11:59. How perfect. I just nodded and stopped struggling. I watched as the second hand moved closer and closer to being midnight. When there were ten seconds left till midnight, I knew I had to make my move.

"So how long are…"

My kiss silenced him. Adam didn't respond, as I bet he was too shocked. Yet it got the desired effect. I pulled back just as he went to intensify our coupling. With the distraction, I was able to get out of his grasp.

"Not your birthday anymore, hotshot," I said with a grin. I waved to the others and walked towards the elevators. The girls were close on my heels. I pressed the button and luckily the elevator was ready and waiting. We all piled in the elevator, hit the ninth floor button, and finally the close button. Once the doors closed, shrieking ensued.

"I can't believe you kissed him!" Jenny exclaimed.

"It was the only thing I could come up with," I said with a shrug. "It worked."

They all resumed their cackling yet I was lost in my own thoughts. When we kissed, I felt something. I could try and hide the fact, but I think he must have felt it too. This was definitely going to put a damper on the whole 'I need my space' spiel I gave him. One week I am saying lay off and the next I am thrusting my tongue down his throat… not that there was any tongue. It was a truly innocent kiss, yet the feelings I was beginning to feel now were anything but.

"So… how was it?" Carly asked with a grin. I pulled myself out of my own thoughts to look at the group. They were all staring waiting for a reply. The elevator sounded at the perfect time.

"Saved by the bell," I said with a smile as I walked out of the elevator. They all laughed and followed. We all made it to our respective rooms without much discussion. Yet as soon as I got through the door, Carly wanted to know everything.

"Spill," she said as she pulled me over to the beds.

"Don't you want to get cleaned up first?" I asked her as I gestured to her paint-stained form.

"Not until you tell me all about your little lip lock with you know who," she said with a grin.

"It was… absolutely… amazing," I said with a huge smile as I fell back on my bed. She gave a girlish shriek and came over to my bed.

"Really? Was there sparkage?" she asked with a grin.

"Major sparkage," I answered, the smile never leaving my face.

"Don't you feel stupid right about now," Carly said as she got up and went to her bag. I sat up and glared at her.

"Don't ruin my happy moment," I said with a small pout. She laughed and pulled out her pajamas.

"I'm going to take a shower first if you don't mind?" Carly asked with a laugh.

"Wait. Before you do, you have to tell me what Adam said to you," I said with a grin.

"It was so cute. He took me by the hand… well both hands, and said that he knew that I… well you… wanted space, but he just couldn't stop thinking about me… I mean you," she said with a confused look. I laughed and if it was possible, my smile became even wider.

"Is that it?"

"He then wanted me to say something and all I could do was laugh. So, he got a little hurt and asked if his feelings were just some big joke to me? And all I could do was laugh and say that I wasn't you," Carly said. "And I think you know the rest." She took her leave and went into the bathroom for her shower.

Adam and I kissed. Okay, maybe it was more along the lines of I kissed Adam. And it was incredible. Yet that didn't mean that another certain someone was out of my thoughts. I reached into the pocket of the trench coat and pulled out Jeff's note. I unfolded it and was surprised to find that it wasn't a note at all. It was a colored pencil sketch. I couldn't tell exactly what it was as it was very abstract, but it was truly amazing. It was perfect, just like Jeff. He must've remembered me telling him that I was an art history minor in college and how I was a fan of abstractions.

I stared at the paper and traced some of the lines with my fingers. Jeff and Adam: two totally different individuals. Yet they both had a hold over me. There was no way that I choose between them at the moment. I didn't know if that would ever be possible.

I folded Jeff's sketch back the way it originally was and went over to retrieve my journal. Unlocking it, I slipped the piece of paper inside. After putting my journal back into my bag, I pulled the wig off my head. It felt so good to have my hair free falling around my face and not constrained. The next thing to go was the coat. Finally, I removed the combat boots. Now, I no longer looked like Edge. I looked like an Edge groupie who only wanted one thing from him. That was when I realized that I was missing something: the sunglasses.

I quickly grabbed my keycard and ran out the door. I needed to get those glasses back from Adam before he left the lobby for the night. The wardrobe department made it quite clear that we were to leave all articles of clothing in a bin tomorrow morning for collection or we would be fined. This was just great. I hadn't thought of what I was going to say to him after the kiss and now, I _needed_ to see him.

I got in the elevator and hit the lobby button, praying that they hadn't left. It had only been around ten minutes since we had left. Hopefully, they still had a lot of catching up to do with Jay. I paced nervously in the elevator as I waited for it to get to the lobby.

"Hurry up," I muttered to the elevator, hoping that my pleas would speed it up. Just my luck, it had to stop at the second floor. One floor away and it had to stop! The older couple stepped into the elevator and gave me a once over. I was a sight to see. Barefoot, my hair all mussed, with next to nothing on. They probably thought that I just got out of bed… or just finished doing something you normally do in a bed. Yeah, very awkward.

Finally, the elevator made it to the lobby. I looked and to my dismay, the group was no longer there. I walked further and glanced around the rest of the spacious room to see if I could spot anyone who would know where Adam was. I knew that the worst-case scenario would be that I would have to ask Jeff. Maybe if I explained the situation, he would understand.

"Hey. You're Nami, right?"

I turned around and came face to face with Adam's best friend Jay. I smiled and nodded my head. I guess luck was definitely on my side tonight.

"Jay Reso. I'm…"

"Adam's best friend. He's talked about you," I said as we shook hands. Adam had told me, Carly, and Evelyn about their days as a tag team a few weeks ago.

"All good things I hope," he said. I nodded which earned a smile.

"Speaking of Adam, do you know where I could find him? It's really important," I said, hoping I didn't come across too whiny.

"I was headed up to his room myself. I thought I could get a room, but it's booked," he said as we slowly made our way to the elevator.

"Who knew?" I asked jokingly, as the city didn't seem to be that bustling.

"Yeah," he said as he hit the up button. "So, Adam's told me a lot about you."

"Is that right?" I asked with a grin. The elevator came and we both got in. He hit the ninth floor. I couldn't believe that we were on the same floors. I was so worried I would never find him and he was probably just a few doors down.

"All good things I hope," I told him with a laugh, as I repeated his earlier statement.

"I like you already," he said with a grin. "How's your back?" I was touched that he would even ask.

"Once the painkillers wear off, I will let you know," I said which earned a laugh.

"You took a really good hit. Once you left, Adam got all concerned that you might've been hurt and feeling stupid that he never asked how you were. He was trying to figure out if he could get in touch with you," Jay said as we got out of the elevator and walked in the opposite direction of my room.

"Oh really?" I asked with a smirk as we stopped in front of a room. Jay knocked and we patiently waited for the door to open.

"And what do we have here?" John asked with a grin as he opened the door. Jay just laughed as he walked into the room. I was a little more hesitant. I felt a little awkward to say the least. I had way more than butterflies fluttering around in my stomach.

"I promise that we are all decent," John said. I just smiled and walked in the room.

"I just… needed to get something from Adam," I said as I looked around the room, searching for the glasses. They were nowhere in sight.

"I think we all know what you wanted to get from Adam," Randy said suggestively from a chair in the corner of the room. I just sent a glare his way before returning to my visual surveillance of the room. Where could those glasses be?

"Once the birthday boy gets out of the shower, we're going out for a while. You should come," John said with a smile. I turned toward him.

"Thanks, but I can't. I have to take a shower myself and then get some sleep. Early flight and probably training tomorrow," I said.

"I've heard that they've had you girls training a lot, but that sounds extreme," Jay said as he took a seat one of the beds. I just shrugged and continued my search.

"May I ask what you are looking for? Maybe we can help," John said with a smile as he noticed my distress. Of course!

"My sunglasses," I said. They all started to laugh.

"You came all the way down to the lobby to find Adam, so you could get your _sunglasses_?" Jay asked. "I might have to agree with Randy's original assessment." Men… only ever had one thing on the brain.

"Think what you want, but I really need them," I said, not caring if it sounded at all childish.

"Well, he should be out any second," John said as he gestured to sit. I sat down on the bed opposite Jay and smiled. Second round of awkwardness to fall over me tonight.

"So… you girls going to be at Cyber Sunday?" Randy asked, trying to make conversation.

"I don't think so. We might be going to Smackdown in a few weeks though," I said honestly. It wasn't a definite, but there had been talk of us finishing out our run of the contest as a segment on Smackdown.

"So you'd do dual shows?" John asked. I shook my head.

"Nope. We would be there exclusively till the end of the contest," I told the group. Yet before anyone could say anything in response, the water turned off from the bathroom.

"About time," Randy muttered. The three men fell into conversation about where they were going to go and their plans for the next few days. The move to Smackdown was totally forgotten which was fine with me. I barely paid attention to their conversation. I knew that I wouldn't be able to just ask Adam for the glasses and leave. We would need to say a little more than just that. But what to say? I knew that I had feelings for him, but I also had feelings for Jeff. And the last thing I wanted to do was lead either of them on.

"Ey, Birthday Boy. We got you another present," Randy said. I turned around and saw that Adam had emerged from the bathroom. This was the third time tonight Adam looked shocked. I stood up and walked over to him, thankful that he was fully clothed.

"Hey," I said softly.

"Hey… I must say I _really_ like that outfit," he said with a grin as he pulled me into a hug. I blushed slightly and tried to pull back. Yet I was too weak and Adam was reluctant to let go.

"Thanks. Look, I came cause…"

"I know what you are going to say and it is okay. I'm going to still respect your whole _wanting some space_ proposal and…"

"No. That's… I came cause I really need to get my sunglasses back," I said with a small smile. He looked at me incredulously.

"Really?" he asked.

"Really really," I said seriously.

"We didn't believe her either," Jay said with a laugh. Adam laughed and went into his bag and pulled out the glasses.

"I was going to give them back to you when I saw you next… which I guess is now," he said as he handed me the glasses. I pulled him into another hug.

"Have a great night," I said to the group before retreating to the door.

"Nami, wait."

I made it into the hallway but turned around when I knew Adam was following. We just stared at each other for a few moments before saying anything. I honestly didn't know what to say.

"Is that _really_ the reason you came? Adam asked as he took my hands in his.

"Honestly… yes, it was. We need to give everything back to wardrobe before we leave tomorrow. So I sort of needed these," I said squeezing our hands where the glasses were captured between.

"Oh," he said, somewhat dejectedly.

"Hey. It's not like I didn't _mind_ seeing you again," I said with a smile when I saw his demeanor change.

"You sure left quickly enough," he said looking away from me.

"The girls… and I found it… a little awkward. Besides, your best friend flew in to celebrate your birthday," I said trying to find his gaze yet he continued to look away.

"Not like I minded the parting all the much," he said with a grin as he turned his eyes back upon mine.

"Yes, well… consider it your birthday present," I said as I let go of his hands and turned back around. I almost made it back to my room before I felt him take my hand once more. He spun me back around and brought his head down to mind. I had no time to react and the next thing I knew, his lips were upon mine. Yet before I could get truly lost in bliss, he pulled back.

"It's not your birthday anymore," I whispered as I kept my eyes closed, savoring the feel of his lips upon mine.

"That's my way of saying 'thank you'… for everything tonight. It was really… nice," he said. I opened my eyes and beamed up at him. I stood as far as I could on my toes and still couldn't reach his lips. I took one hand and pulled him down to reclaim his lips once for. This time, neither of us pulled away. It was soft and gentle. When I felt Adam run his tongue along my lower lip, wanting to move it to a whole other level, I knew that I needed to end it.

"Sorry about that," he whispered as we pulled apart.

"You have nothing to apologize for. I started it," I said with a grin.

"That you did," he mused as a grin fell upon his own handsome features. "Are you feeling all right?"

"You think I am delirious cause I kissed you or..."

"No. Your back," he said as he lightly brushed it with his hand.

"It's fine. The medical team checked me out. Everything's peachy," I said with a smile.

"_Peachy_, huh? That's good," he murmured as he lightly kissed my lips. I pulled back and went closer to my door.

"Well, you better get back," I said as I leaned against the door handle leading to my room. Adam smiled at me. He leaned back down and captured my lips once more. My body was telling me to keep kissing him. My mind was telling me to stop. And my heart… my heart was too confused to give any advice.

"Adam," I moaned as I pushed him away. "Stop."

"Alright, alright," he said. "Sorry."

"Have a good night," I told him as I slid the key card in the door. I went in and closed the door behind me. I leaned against the closed door, closed my eyes, and broke out into a huge smile. I couldn't believe how perfect this day had been. I heard Carly get up off of the bed.

"I know that face! You kissed him again!"


	15. Only Reflections of the Memory

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I own nothing that has to do with the WWE and its Superstars. This is purely a work of fiction. Lyrics in this chapter belong to Bon Jovi. Thanks to all who have read and "alana2awesome", "Fozzy-Floozy" and "decemberunderground" for their reviews. You are ones who keep me motivated and I thank you. Peace and Love!!!

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_

"Here we are Ms. Shepherd."

The driver opened the door for me and I gingerly got out of the car. Here I was, the only representative from the Diva Search at Cyber Sunday. The reason sucked… I had a minor knee sprain and couldn't train for the past few days. My knee was in a light air cast and it restricted me from walking normally. It looked like I was in a lot more pain than I actually was. Yet my knee needed to be better by tomorrow so the air cast had to stay.

I grabbed my bag out of the car and walked to the backstage doors of the U.S. Bank Arena. It was only a two hour drive from the training facility to Cincinnati. I was happy that for once, I didn't have to get a flight. After the past few weeks, I was sick of all the air travel. I didn't know how the wrestlers did it week in and week out. I was beginning to understand what Jeff meant when he said that he would sometimes prefer a long road trip to getting a flight.

"Can I see your pass please miss?"

I dug through my bag and found the backstage pass that I was given from my trainer. Since I couldn't train and I had won the competition the week before, they gave me a reward by letting me come and see the show. The only condition was that I needed to find my own way to Columbus for Raw and pay for my own room tonight. I knew that both of those things wouldn't be a problem. I was getting a weekly salary from Hachette since I was still an employee and even though it didn't feel like it sometimes, I was working on a story. Thus I had monetary means to get a room… and rental car if need be.

"You're cleared," the security guard said as he handed the pass back to me. I smiled at him and walked through the door. Walking through the hallway alone was a lot different than walking with a posse of other Diva Search contestants… especially when I couldn't find any familiar faces. Even though it was a Raw event, there were Superstars from all the brands.

I tried following the makeshift signs to find the catering room by myself. Yet they were more of a hindrance than a help. Usually, the group of Diva Search contestants would be shown to our locker room and then where to go for meetings. Now, I was just lost.

"You look a little lost." Is it really _that_ obvious?

I turned around and was pleasantly surprised by who I found. The voice was semi-recognizable even though I had never met him before. Yet I was sure that was because I was more than a little familiar with his younger brother.

"Hi. I know that we…"

"No need to introduce yourself… Nami," Matt said with a grin. I smiled as he pulled me into a friendly hug.

"I sometimes forget that even though people aren't on the same shows that it is all the same company," I said with a laugh.

"Yeah, there's that… and the fact that my brother hasn't stopped talking about you for a few weeks," he said with a grin. I gave a somewhat shocked expression which he just answered with laughter. "Don't look so surprised. He's happy to find someone to talk to. Usually people get a little annoyed that he likes to talk and which sometimes can turn into rambling… which I am sort of doing now."

"Yeah. Don't worry about it though. I am the same way," I said.

"So, you headed anywhere in particular?" he asked.

"Not exactly. I was just given the day off cause of my leg and… well here I am. I actually feel a little awkward being here without the others… really out of place if you know what I mean," I said with a nervous laugh. He nodded and took the bag from my shoulder.

"Well then, I insist you come with me. I am sure my brother would love to see you anyway," he said with a smile as he slowly started to walk down the hallway. I fell in step alongside him.

"So, are you working tonight?" I asked, trying to make casual conversation. Even though Matt and I had just met, it seemed like I had already known him. Jeff had told me many stories about their relationship that there was no first meeting awkwardness.

"Nah, I'm just here supporting Jeff… and Amy. She's going to win the title tonight," he said with a small smile. Jeff had told me that Matt and Amy were on a friendly basis again. I was happy to see that, even though he and Adam were still mortal enemies, some things could be restored.

"Really? That's great," I said with a smile. I knew that that meant probably a heavy make-out session with the Rated R Superstar would follow. Just thinking of that made my stomach clench.

"She deserves it. No matter what type of character 'Lita' has become, Amy will always be one of the company's regarded champions," he said with pride in his tone. I grinned at him and could see that he really cared very deeply about her. It was quite possible that deep down, he still loved her. Yet that relationship would most likely never bloom again unless all the wounds could heal. Even though things may have been forgiven, they were far from being forgotten.

"Well, here we are," he said as he opened the door for me.

"Thank you sir," I bowed my head jokingly and slowly walked inside. The stupid brace on my knee was making everything a little harder than normal. It was underneath my pants so my leg was very restricted.

The room was empty even though there were quite a few duffle bags strewn around. I sat down on a couch and Matt put my bag next to me.

"Everyone is at a meeting. Just to go over what is to happen tonight," Matt said as he took a seat next to me. I turned toward him with a questioning look.

"Everyone?"

"Oh… yeah. Jeff is sharing a room with Carlito, Shelton, and Nitro. And our friend Shannon is off somewhere but he's staying in here as well," Matt said. I just nodded and leaned back against the leather. I stretched my hands over my head and when they came down, one of them bumped into something leaning against the wall. It was Jeff's guitar. I ran my fingers lightly over the strings remembering when he played a song for me. I wasn't going to lie; he wasn't the best technical musician I had ever heard. Yet he put so much passion into his music that it made up for it.

"You play?"

Matt's question startled me out of my thoughts. I turned toward him with a smile on my face.

"Yeah… I used to take lessons when I was younger. I haven't really had time to pick one up in awhile. Training's intense," I said with a small laugh as I looked down at my knee.

"I can see that. So… why don't you play something now?" Matt asked. I looked at him skeptically.

"I don't know," I said as I looked from him to Jeff's guitar. "I don't know if Jeff would like me touching his things."

"If it was Shannon trying to mess with his guitar, he would mind. If you want to play it, I doubt he would care," Matt said as he got up and picked up Jeff's guitar.

He gently handed me the instrument. I stared down at it like I had never seen a guitar before. It had been awhile since I had picked up a guitar. The last time was for my audition video and that was just messing around. He actually wanted me to play. I carefully put the strap around me and adjusted it. Awkward silence filled the room as I removed the pick from in between a few of the strings.

"I'm not like your brother," I said as I lightly strummed on the instrument. "I don't write my own music… well not very well anyway."

"Then… play me the first song you ever learned to play," he said with a grin. I laughed and looked back down at the frets.

"Well, the first thing I learned to play on the guitar was this…" I took a deep breath and played the opening riff from Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water". After I had played that, I looked back up at Matt. "But the first song I learned to play was…" Then I played the opening chord and run for Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive".

"That was the first song you learned? Seems tough," he said as I continued playing.

"Yeah, well I am a Jersey girl you know? It was always playing on the rock stations so it was like I needed to learn it," I said with a grin. "Sing with me."

He gave me a look like it wasn't his thing, but I wasn't having it. I shook my head while trying to concentrate on my fingering. I knew this song like the back of my hand, yet I really didn't want to mess up in front of him.

"Please?" I said with a little pout. He just sighed as I hit the opening chords before the verse.

_"It's all the same, only the names will change.  
__Everyday__, it seems we're wasting away.  
__Another place where the faces are so cold,  
__I'd drive all night just to get back home.  
__I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride.  
__I'm wanted… dead or alive.  
__Wanted… dead or alive."_

During the chorus, I heard the door open yet continued to watch the instrument in my hand. Matt kept on singing along so I knew that it was probably just the guys coming back from their meeting. A few more voices joined in as I finished the chorus. After we finished the final line of the first chorus, I stopped my playing and looked up at the newcomers.

"Hey… what are you doing here? Not that I'm not happy but I thought…" Jeff asked trailing off, as he came over and sat on the arm of the couch. I pulled the guitar strap over my head and gently set the instrument on the ground.

"Yes well, I was no use to them injured so they said I could come and enjoy the show," I said as I extended my hurt leg. He looked down concerned.

"Is everything alright? It's not fractured, is it?" he asked me as he ran his hand across the fabric of my pants, feeling the brace below. I smiled.

"Just a small sprain. This brace is more of a precaution than anything else," I said as he broke out into a smile at the good news. He pulled me into a small embrace. It didn't last long as the silence was broken by someone clearing their throat. I pulled back and looked at the four other men that had entered the room.

"Oh yeah fuck… I'm sorry, it's just I wasn't expecting you and… Nami, this is Carlito, Shelton,John, and Shannon," Jeff said gesturing to each man as he introduced them. I smiled and waved at the four new faces.

"It's nice to meet you all," I said with a smile.

The seven of us fell into conversation about the show tonight, the on-going storylines, and the business in general. Unlike a few nights prior, I didn't feel awkward at all. It was totally different than the feeling I got when I was around Adam and his friends. At times, everything just flows and feels so right. Yet at other times, I feel like I am over analyzing everything that I do. With these guys, everything just seems so much more lax.

We watched the first two matches together. Yet shortly after Umaga pinned Kane, the guys needed to get ready for their own match. Even though the audience got to vote for the choice of Jeff's opponent, it was obvious that Carlito had won by a landslide. Yet the three prospective opponents needed to go to the curtain to film a promo right before the match.

"Wish me luck," Jeff said with a grin as he grabbed his belt and headed toward the door. I went over to him and gave him a quick peck on the lips. I pulled back and gave him a big smile.

"Good luck."

The four men left leaving me alone with Matt and Shannon.

"Why don't we go to catering to watch? There is a much bigger set-up than we have in here," Matt said as he motioned to the small television that was set-up on a table. I was happy that he didn't ask about the contact between Jeff and I. Another reason it was easier to talk to him than some of the others… like Randy Orton for instance.

"Sure. Lead the way," I said as I opened the door with a grin. The three of us made casual conversation with each other as we walked through the hallway. Matt was almost as easy to talk to as was his brother. Yet I figured that was because they both grew up in the same surroundings: very down to earth and humble about all of their success.

"Okay, this brace needs to go," I said as I stopped walking and rolled up my pant leg. I unstrapped the Velcro from both sides of the brace. The two men stopped and gave me questioning glances as I pulled it from my leg.

"Is it hurting?" Shannon asked as I stood on my two legs without the annoyance of the brace.

"It'll be fine. I just couldn't walk with that thing anymore, you know?" I said as I gingerly walked a little. Maybe the injury was a little more severe than I originally had thought. Or maybe the brace had done more damage than healing. The brace was just too uncomfortable. I don't think it was really made for walking, more like sitting down and keeping the knee in place.

"Uh-huh," Matt said flatly as he watched me walk. "Alright, hop on." What was it with the Hardys and their chivalry? Not like I really minded in the least.

"What?" I asked as he got in front of me.

"I'll give you a ride. Come on," he said as he gestured for me to hop on his back.

"Aw come on. We'll race," Shannon said with a childlike gleam in his eyes.

"What are we twelve?" I asked sardonically with a laugh as I tried to walk on my own. Yet it wasn't pain free. I sighed and looked over to Matt.

"Do it. Do it. Do it," Shannon chanted in encouragement.

I looked at Matt skeptically yet ended up doing as he suggested as my leg was stinging. Two nights in the same week I was being carried by a Hardy. If Danielle could only see me now…

"You know? Ever since I got here, I have constantly felt like I was reliving my youth. Here is just another instance," I said jokingly with a laugh as I got settled on his back.

"We need you good and healthy to win this competition," Matt said.

"Alright... first one to catering owes the other drinks. Deal?" Shannon asked. He and Matt just shook on it.

"Count us off Meemz," Shannon said as he mimicked a sprinters warm-ups.

"Meemz?" I questioned.

"You needed a nickname. I thought it was my duty to bestow one upon you," Shannon answered with a grin. "Now, count."

"Alright... three," I started. I still couldn't believe that this was happening. "Two..." I guess not working tonight gave them a lot of excess energy that they just needed to get out somehow. I doubted this was the best way. "One... go!"

I laughed as we made it into the catering area. The whole way down the long hallway had been a neck and neck race. Yet Matt edged him out by an inch. I don't know how, but he did.

"At least I am the champion of something tonight," Matt said with a grin as Shannon opened the door for the two of us. I laughed at his statement as we walked into the area. Yet my laughing ceased when I looked around and saw many eyes glued on the two of us. Matt didn't seem to notice, or care, as he continued walking over to an empty table, Shannon at our heels. Yet I noticed. I noticed one pair in particular that held so many mixed emotions that my night went from wonderful to horrid in an instant.

"Here we are," Matt said as he let me off at the table. "I'm going to grab a water. Want one?"

"I'll take one," Shannon said.

"Sure," I muttered, yet I never took my eyes off of Adam until he stormed out of the room. "Oh great."

"Are you alright?" Shannon asked in a concern-laden tone. I just shook my head and didn't respond.

I put my head in my hands and thought about what had just happened. I told the guys last week that I wouldn't be at the pay-per-view yet now I was here. And what was even worse was that Adam found out I was here by seeing me with Matt Hardy. Wonderful… just when I had begun to feel some genuine feelings for Adam, this happened. It wasn't like I was ashamed of being with Matt. He was a great guy, but I knew that seeing us like that must have shocked Adam.

"Here you go," Matt said as he came back to the table with the water.

"Thanks," I murmured as I took the bottle and quickly chugged a third of it.

"Are you alright?" he asked concerned. I just shook my head and turned toward the screen as I heard Jeff's entrance music start.

"I already tried that. It's probably just some freaky girl stuff," Shannon said with a laugh. I turned toward him sending a small glare his way. "Just kidding." I turned my attention back to the screen as Carlito came to the ring. Yet throughout the whole match, my mind was wandering to thoughts of Adam.

What was I going to say? What was _he_ going to say? I thought that maybe I should go find him and apologize right now, yet I knew that he had a match coming up. I hoped that this was not on his mind during the match. That was a little egotistical for me to think; that I could affect his mood so much that he would be off in a match. Yet looking in his eyes when I entered the room, I knew that it did disturb him and I just prayed that he would give me the opportunity to explain.

* * *

_"Tainted? What's tainted? Listen… listen, Triple H, DX primarily, have been trying to ruin my career for years. Well guess what? __DX, whose laughing last?"_

_"Listen __chumpstain__, it goes like this! We just beat Degeneration-X! And that means there's going to be a new era on Raw! An era that's gonna be rated R…K…O!"_

"Fucking bastard," Matt murmured as we watched Randy and Adam give an interview after their victory over DX. I frowned slightly yet continued to watch as they got in the limo and drove off. I knew that it was just for the show as they drove off still in their wrestling trunks. Yet I couldn't get the feeling of not being able to explain myself out of my brain.

"Hey, hey! If it isn't my brother… still the Intercontinental champion I see," Matt said as he got up to give his brother a hug. Freshly showered and changed, Jeff joined us at the table to watch Amy's match against Mickie James for the title.

"Are you alright?" Jeff whispered in my ear. What was it with these guys and being overly concerned? I swear if I heard those three words once more tonight, I was going to get enraged.

"Yeah. Just got some things on my mind," I muttered truthfully as I continued to watch the women fight. He nodded his head and returned to watching the screen. Thinking of no alternative, I decided I needed to call Carly. She could give me advice on what to do… or at least try to. I was completely lost on the whole matter.

"Um… I just forgot that I needed to call once I got here. I better go get my phone… and well… do that," I said nervously as I got up, brace once again secured on my leg and hobbled to the exit. I shot Jeff a smile before turning and walking down the hallway. Now if I could only remember which room was theirs?

"I wonder how Amy is doing in her mat…"

Randy stopped mid-word. I watched as he and Adam turned the corner and continued to head towards me. Randy was in the catering area as well when I had my grand entrance on the back of one Matt Hardy.

"Hey guys. Great match," I said nervously with a smile. I looked first at Randy and then turned my gaze to Adam. He stared down at me with an unreadable expression on his face. And as much as I wanted to, I couldn't look away. I did nothing wrong, yet felt that I had already been tried and convicted. God, this felt so much like déjà vu. Probably because it was the same way he looked at me when we started to yell at me for having preconceptions about things. It definitely was not a good sign.

"Well, I am going to just… leave you two to talk," Randy said. He patted me on the back before walking off in the direction that I had just come from.

I continued to just stare into Adam's eyes and wait for him to begin. I didn't think he knew what to say. He reached out and took my hand in his yet still his gaze did not leave mine. He turned back around, still holding tightly onto my hand, and walked back the way he had come. I tried to keep up the best I could, but there was too much strain on my knee.

"Adam… please... can we slow down?" He didn't listen and continued to practically drag me into a room.

"Hey! Nam, I didn't know you were coming tonight," John said as he got up from his chair to give me a hug as a greeting. Adam let go of my hand as John embraced me.

"Yeah. Change of plans," I said softly as he pulled back.

"So where is your entourage?" he asked with a grin.

"I came alone tonight. I got… injured during training so I got a night off," I said. As soon as I mentioned the fact that I was injured, Adam turned to me with a concerned look. At least I knew he still cared.

"That sucks… not about you being here, but your injury… it bad?" I just shook my head and went to take a seat. I removed the brace from over top of my pants. That was probably the reason Adam didn't notice. The black brace camouflaged perfectly with my pants, especially from across a hallway.

"John, could you…" Adam started before giving John a pointed look.

"Oh, right. I have a match to get ready for anyway. I will talk to you two later," John said as he grabbed his title and left the room.

"You okay?" Adam asked softly after almost a minute of silence. I looked at him and gave a small smile.

"I've been better," I said. He walked over and pulled a chair across from where I was sitting. He took both of my hands in his and rubbed his thumbs in soothing circles on my skin. Well, this was certainly a pleasant surprise.

"You sure you're okay? I'm sorry about before… if I hurt you in any way…"

"Adam, its fine," I said with a smile. A smile had yet to grace his handsome features which made mine quickly vacate my own expression. I looked down at our entwined hands and waited for him to continue. Yet he didn't. I waited and waited, but he stayed silent. I looked back up at him with a curious look.

"You said you wanted to talk?" I asked softly. It was his turn to look down at our hands. Silence ensued once more. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't stay here all night. I needed to get back to catering. I was supposed to be spending time with Jeff.

"When I saw you with Matt tonight… I think for the first time, I was able to understand just a small bit of what he went through... you know with the whole Amy thing. Even though I knew that there was nothing going on between you two, it hurt. And I know, I know! I have no reason to have a claim over you and really have no reason to be upset... you didn't do anything wrong. But that didn't stop my heart from feeling like it had just undergone a conchairto," he said with a small smile. I laughed slightly at his word usage.

"Matt and I met when I arrived. We were just going to watch Jeff's match and my knee almost gave out. That's it. He was just helping me make it there... Shannon turned it into a game so that was why it looked like I was having a great time. My knee really hurt though. I was stupid and took my brace off… couldn't really walk well without it," I said honestly. He just nodded his head as all of my words sunk in.

"I'm happy you're here," he said as he leaned in to rest his forehead on mine.

"So am I," I answered softly as he slowly brought his lips upon mine. He let go of my hands and encircled my waist with his freed arms. I reached up and ran my fingers through his silky golden mane, all the while refusing to break the kiss. Yet just like a few nights prior, as soon as he tried to deepen the kiss, I had to pull back.

"What's wrong?" he murmured as he kept his lips ever so close to my own. I opened my eyes to stare into his. I didn't really know what was wrong. As right as it felt, there was something wrong. And I needed to figure it out soon or I would definitely lose my chance with him. I smiled and kissed him lightly once more before standing up.

"I better get back," I said as I stared down at his seated form. He kept his arms around my waist and ran light circles on my lower back. I closed my eyes and let myself melt into his touch, but the image of a certain Rainbow Haired Warrior entered my mind. I quickly jumped out of his grasp which earned a shot of pain to shoot through my leg.

"I… need to go," I said. I pulled out of his grasp and headed to the door.

"Wait... are we okay?" I laughed at his question.

"Of course," I said with a grin.

"So everything is _peachy_?" he asked, using my term from a few nights earlier, as his smile turned into a smirk. I went back over to him and fell into his embrace. He was truly addicting.

"Perfectly peachy," I muttered into his chest. I pulled back and he caught my lips once more.

"How are you getting to Raw?" he asked softly when I had pulled back from the kiss.

"I... don't know. I was probably going to rent a..."

"Come with me. Ames has decided that she is going with Jeff and Matt so I would be traveling alone. I mean... you don't have to if you don't want to, but I thought it would be a good chance to get to know one another," he answered with a huge grin on his face. I nodded my head.

"Do you have a pen?" I asked. He looked at me confused yet went to retrieve one. He handed it to me and I took his hand in mine once more. I didn't have paper so I would have to improvise. I scrawled the ten digit cell phone number on his hand.

"Call me," I said softly as I gave him a quick kiss before leaving the room as quickly as I could. Luckily, Adam didn't follow. He was probably just as confused as I was. I didn't know what I was doing. One minute, we are all over each other. The next, I am pulling back only to pull him in once more. I looked around the hallway a few minutes before finally finding the guys' locker room.

"Hey, where were you? We were all worried ya left without us," Matt said from the couch where he, Jeff, and Amy sat.

"Sorry," I said softly as I went over to my things. I bent down to pick up my bag yet Jeff got to it before I even had a chance.

"Where are you staying?" he whispered as he slung the bag over his shoulder.

"I don't know," I honestly answered. He took my hand in his while grabbing his own bag with the other. I saw in his eyes understanding. Even though I hadn't told him, he knew where I was earlier. I could just tell. And it didn't seem to irritate him... probably the fact that I had come back.

"We're gonna split," he said. Everyone said their goodbyes as Jeff and I took our leave. As we walked out to the V.I.P. parking section, Jeff convinced me to spend the night with him... not_ with him,_ but it his room. He had an extra bed in his room as Matt was originally going to be his roommate. Yet there was supposedly a change of plans. I wonder what _that _means. I accepted and was happy that some things were settled at least for the moment.

Adam had control of my body. Whenever I was near him, my body immediately responded. He knew exactly what to do to make my defenses drop. And I was more than happy to oblige him. Jeff had control of my mind. At times, we were totally in sync. Even though we had only known each other for a month, it seemed like we could have been friends all of our lives. He made me feel special and knew exactly what to say and do in every situation. That only left my heart.

And that was still up for grabs.


	16. You're Gonna Break My Shell

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I own nothing that has to do with the WWE and the company's Superstars. Lyrics in the chapter belong to Incubus and Flyleaf. Thanks to everyone who has read and "Fozzy-Floozy", "unlimited emerald0307", "Ahhhhhh", and "decemberunderground" for their reviews. You are the ones that keep me going and constantly writing. Thanks for the support and love you have shown for the story. Peace and Love!!

* * *

_

_"She woke in the morning.  
__She knew that her life had passed her by.  
__She called out __a warn__…"_

"'Ello?"

"Someone sounds chipper this morning."

I groaned into the phone as I opened my eyes for the first time. I looked over at the clock on the end table. 7:05. I guess that means it is time to get up. I heard running water coming from the other room and assumed that Jeff was in the shower. Fine by me… maybe then I could get some more sleep.

"Don't think about falling back to sleep on me."

I laughed into the phone and opened my eyes once more. I sat up on the bed and got up to open the curtain. Maybe some sunlight would wake me.

"How was your night?"

"It was good. Yours?" I asked as I started to pull clothes out of my overnight bag.

"It was okay... I missed you."

I almost dropped the phone. He had said it so quickly I thought that maybe I was hearing things. So, I decided to ignore it.

"So do you have any idea on when you want to leave?" I asked as I heard the water turn off in the bathroom. Adam didn't answer right away. I thought it was a little odd, but maybe he was just thinking about my question.

"Uh, yeah… I should only take a few hours to get there so I figured as long as we leave by nine, we would make good time," Adam said.

"And you woke me from my beauty sleep to say that we don't have to leave for another two hours?" I asked jokingly. His laughter rang from the other end.

"Hey, I only had good intentions! I wanted to see if you wanted to meet up for breakfast. And besides, you really don't need any beauty sleep," he said with a small laugh.

"Yeah, well…" I didn't really know how to respond to Adam's flirtatious behavior. Everything was different after what happened last night. "I would love to join you for breakfast, but I am nowhere near ready."

"That's the reason I called now. Meet me in the lobby in an hour?" His question hung in the air for a few moments. The door to the bathroom opened and a towel-clad Jeff Hardy stepped out. I turned away from him blushing.

"You still there?" I gasped slightly into the phone as I had totally forgotten about Adam, as hard as that was to believe.

"Yeah… I'll meet you in an hour. Bye," I said quickly before flipping my phone shut. I took a deep breath and tried to calm all the emotions running through my body.

"You can turn around now darlin'."

I spun around to see Jeff fully dressed and sitting on the unmade bed. I smiled and went over to sit beside him. He took my hand in his and kissed me quickly on the lips.

"Good morning," he said softly.

"Morning. You sleep alright?" I asked. He nodded but continued to stare at me in silence. "Well, I better take a shower. I'm meeting Adam in an hour." I just stared at him waiting for an outward reaction yet he didn't have one. He just gave me a smile another chaste kiss and let go of my hand. I got up, grabbed my clothes, and headed to the shower.

As of late, I did my best thinking in the shower. Normally that was because it was the only time I could be alone in the house. Yet now… I just needed to think. As the steaming water washed over me, snippets of last night came to my mind.

_"I understand if you want to be with Adam. He is more available than I am and is ready for a relationship… I don't really know what I want."_

_"I just got out of a serious relationship… well maybe not, just got out of. It has been over five months, but I'm not exactly over it yet. Even though it was my decision to end it, I still care about her, ya know?"_

_"__I care about you Nami. I care about you too much to have you just sit around and wait for me to be ready. I want you to be happy and if he… if Adam will make you happy, so __be__ it."_

We had talked about a lot of things last night. Yet the night ended with our discussion of Beth, the love of Jeff's life. I could see it in his eyes when he talked about her. He told me about their good times and their bad; all the happiness and heartache. She was there for him throughout his whole career, giving him the support and stability he needed to go on.

When Jeff's TNA tenure was coming to a close, things began to go into a downward spiral. Jeff wanted to come back to the WWE, which meant less time at home. Things were already shaky and this decision seemed to be the catalyst for their eventual split. It was somewhat mutual when Jeff decided to end things. They had been together for years and saw themselves as life partners.

Yet now they were separated and trying to make it on their own. Jeff said that Beth had found someone new and it killed him to think about it. He also said that he didn't want to use me or lead me on. His intentions were noble, yet his heart was not totally available.

I respected him immensely for his admission. He wanted to be open and truthful about everything. Looking in his tear filled eyes, I broke down as well. I cared for him… a lot. He opened his heart to me and showed me everything that he was.

_"__Jeff… I understand. I've only been in one real relationship in my life as well. __And while it definitely wasn't __as long lasting or deep as yours…__ I get it. I want to be there for you. I care about you too much to ju__st walk away and give up on you."_

_"What about Adam?"_

_"What does he have to do with this?"_

_"Nami… I know you like him… and he really likes you."_

_"You're right. I do care for Adam… but that doesn't mean that I can't care about you__, too__."_

_"I…__ I don't know what to say. I've just told you so much that would make any ordinary girl leave in a fucking heartbeat and you're still here… You're amazing."_

_"You're not so bad yourself."_

I had the chance. The chance to break away from Jeff and I couldn't take it. What we had was something that I never had experienced. The way I felt about him was not passionate lust. It was simple and clean. He was something different and something that I wanted to take a chance on.

My shower was finished and I quickly dried my hair and got ready to meet Adam. Today would be a great opportunity to get to know him much better. The past few times when we have actually had a decent conversation, it was with others around. Now we were going to be, _hopefully_, driving alone for two hours: perfect quality time to get much closer.

I left the bathroom and put my discarded pajamas in my bag. Jeff was out on the balcony on his phone. I glanced at the clock: 7:50. Perfect timing. I usually was always running late for meetings, or appointments, or college lectures... or about everything else that happens before ten in the morning. For once, I wasn't going to be late.

I made sure that I had everything from the room before sitting on the bed and waiting for Jeff to finish his call. While waiting, I fiddled with my phone, taking the time to add Adam's newly received phone number complete with custom ringtone into my phone. Even after I was done, Jeff was still talking. I turned back to the clock: 8:00. Okay, so now my whole theory of being early was going to be just that… a theory! At least I would be on time.

A few minutes later, Jeff walked into the room visibly upset.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I got up and went over to where he stood.

"It's nothing," he replied as he put his cell phone back in his bag.

"That's bull and you know it. Tell me," I said as I moved my hand to the side of his face. He leaned into my touch and slightly smiled.

"It was Beth. I haven't spoken to her in awhile and after last night and our talk… I just wanted to call and see how things were. We just ended up shouting at each other about some stupid thing that I don't even remember doing. It just… hurts."

I pulled him into an embrace and just held him for a few minutes. Nothing needed to be said. He needed someone to listen to him and be there. I would do that. I _wanted_ to do that. Yet I knew deep down that I couldn't wait forever for something that might not be there. It wouldn't be fair to me. And it certainly wouldn't be fair to Adam.

Adam!

"Jeff… I'm so sorry, but I have to go," I said softly as I pulled back. He looked at me with a small smile before lightly kissing me.

"Call me when you get to the arena?" Jeff asked. I nodded and gave him another quick kiss as I grabbed my stuff.

"I'll see you later," I said as I opened the door and left the room. I hustled down the hallway and into the elevator. A minute later, I was in the lobby. I looked around and couldn't spot the blond Canadian anywhere. Maybe he left without me? Okay, that was a ludicrous thought considering he was the one who invited me to breakfast. I continued my search and still nothing.

"You can't see me!" I was lifted up by two strong arms from behind and spun around a few times. _John Cena_… at times, he was a total child.

"Hey, watch out for her leg!" John put me down and I immediately came face to face with the concerned eyes of Adam.

"I'm fine. See, no brace," I told him before he could even ask a question about my leg. He smiled down at me and pulled me toward him. He took the bag off of my shoulder and put it on his own. John started to walk toward the hotel restaurant and we followed a few paces behind.

"Randy's saving us a table," Adam told me as he kept his arm wrapped around me as we walked. My expression sunk a little. As much as I liked hanging out with everyone, I wanted to spend time alone with Adam. "Don't worry… they aren't driving with us to Columbus. It's just you and me." I looked up at him with a shocked expression.

"Are you psychic?" I asked with a laugh. He grinned and leaned down for a quick kiss. We followed John over to the booth that Randy had reserved.

"Morning Randy," I said as I moved into the far side of one of the booth's benches.

"Morning," he replied glumly through a yawn. At least I wasn't the only person who hated early mornings… if you could call this an _early morning_.

"So you were able to get a room?" John asked as the waitress came and poured us much needed cups of coffee.

"I shared one with Jeff," I said which caused three sets of eyes to stare at me in surprise. Even Randy woke from the dead so I knew they were shocked. "What? He had an extra bed and I needed a place to stay. It's not like anything happened between us."

"Uh-huh," Randy muttered as he brought his coffee mug up to his mouth. I sent a glare his way before opening my menu to decide what to have.

"Not like it is any of your businesses anyway," I muttered under my breath as I continued to peruse the menu.

_"I'm so sick…"_

"Hey," I said as I flipped my phone open after digging it out from the bottom of my pocketbook.

"How was everything last night since you decided to neglect me?" Carly asked huffily. I called her during the ride yet forgot about it the rest of the night. There was just too much going on. And then once I got to the hotel, I was having my heart-to-heart with Jeff.

"I'm am so sorry about that, but…"

"Can I take your orders?" the waitress asked happily as she returned to our table. The guys looked to me to order first. I guess the ladies before gentlemen rule still applies.

"One sec," I told Carly. "I'll just have the fruit salad."

"That's all you're eating? You have nothing to worry about Copeland. Hardy _obviously_ didn't get any action last night," Randy said with a laugh. John tried to stifle his laughter yet it didn't work all that well.

"I heard that. I'll kick him the next time I see him for you," Carly said.

"Don't do that. In his warped mind, he'll think that you're coming on to him," I told her dryly.

"Maybe that's the idea," she said with a laugh.

"Ugh, please don't go there," I said. "I better go. I'll call you when I get to the arena."

"Okay. Tell Randy to behave," Carly said with a laugh.

"Yeah, like _he_ would listen to anything I say. See you later," I said as I closed my phone.

"So, who were you two talking about?" John asked with a grin. I laughed as I swirled some cream in my coffee.

"I think you can guess," I said, sending a pointed stare to the man sitting across from me.

"What did I do?" Randy asked. "I was only speaking the truth."

"Uh-huh," I replied, in the same tone he had spoken to me earlier.

"Alright you two, play nice," John said.

"Thanks dad," I muttered with a laugh as I sipped my coffee.

"So you excited to go to Europe? It should be a great experience for you girls," John asked me after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence. I gave him a confused look, but immediately understood what he meant.

"Oh right, about that," I said as I took another sip from my mug. "We're not going." The three men gave me confused looks so I decided to elaborate. "After the elimination tonight, we're going to be down to five."

"Thanks, but I think I know how to do simple math," Randy said sarcastically.

"You know what? I'm not telling you now," I said with a smirk as our food arrived.

"Nam, don't mind him. He's still crabby cause he barely got any sleep last night… Now, tell us," John said.

"We're going to move to training in Florida at another place for a few weeks. After tonight, we're not going to be around until the twentieth for Raw," I said as I popped a piece of melon in my mouth.

"Two weeks?" Adam asked, speaking for the first time since ordering his breakfast. I turned to look at him.

"Yeah, but you can always call. And you're going to be so busy, the time will fly by," I said with a smile. He turned back to his food and I frowned. Something was really bugging him and it wasn't just the news about our eventual separation. The rest of the breakfast went by slow and awkwardly. Randy was half asleep and grouchy. John was overly animated. Adam was off in his own thoughts. And I was thinking about how I got myself into this mess.

* * *

"Something's bothering you."

My statement hung in the air and was not given a response. I turned down the radio and waited. Silence. It was only an hour into our trip and everything was awkward. I was happy that there was only an hour more. We started the trip in a somewhat complacent mood yet everything drifted to silence.

"Are you going to talk to me?" I asked exasperatedly and sick of the silence. I was not going to turn the radio back on until we had spoken.

"We have been talking," Adam said flatly after a moment, keeping his eyes on the road. If he considers the talking we had done so far actual _talking_, he was quite delusional.

"You call me to invite me to breakfast and then when we get there, I spend more time talking to your friends. Hell, I talked to the waitress more than you," I exclaimed as I stared ahead at the highway. I counted the cars as I waited for him to reply. Twenty three… _thirty_… still no response.

"Fine, don't say anything. I think I know what it is anyway," I muttered as I leaned my head against the window pane.

"Care to enlighten me?" he asked in a bitterly sarcastic tone.

"Oh, so _now_ you want to talk," I muttered as I stilled my head on the cold glass. I closed my eyes and relaxed, listening to the silence stretch on.

"Tell me," Adam muttered softly, barely audible over the soft sounds of the road outside.

"You're having second thoughts… about wanting to be with me. I completely understand. I'm just a contestant in a stupid contest that will be over soon… like a summer fling that never materialized. Don't worry… like I said, I understand," I said softly, still not opening my eyes. He didn't answer so I stayed quiet. I didn't know if I believed everything I said, but the doubt was always there.

I didn't know much about the other Diva Searches before this, but maybe this type of thing happened. Superstar _sees_ pretty girl. Superstar _wants_ pretty girl. Superstar _fucks_ pretty girl. Fulfilled Superstar _leaves_ broken, pretty girl.

Maybe that's all he wanted: to say he broke me when all I did was care for him. His silence gave me his answer and I fought my urge to cry. My thoughts were jostled to a standstill when I felt the car come to a halt. I heard Adam cut the engine and I opened my eyes. Definitely _not_ the arena.

Adam got out of the car and slammed the door behind him. We were at a small rest stop, half filled with truckers on a break or sleeping. I wasn't going to get out. I had no reason to. It wasn't until Adam opened the passenger side door, causing me to almost topple outside in the process, that I knew he _actually_ wanted me to follow.

I steadied myself and unfastened my seat belt. I got out of the car and the door was quickly slammed shut for me. I followed Adam as he walked over to a park bench sitting next to the rest stop's only source of nourishment: a vending machine. I highly doubted we were here because Adam had a craving for stale potato chips.

I sat down next to him on the splintering wood. As soon as I sat down, Adam popped up. It was like he was burned by almost coming in contact with me. He paced in front of the bench, doing his nervous habit of ruffling through his hair when upset. Yes, I had seen it often. I didn't know what to do. I figured that I had already done enough.

"Every time I think I have you figured out, you do something that _fucks_ with my whole understanding of you. I… I just don't get it Nami! I try and understand where you can get these… fucked up notions, but I can't. I like you… not because you're _attainable_. Not because you're an easy fuck, which _obviously_ you aren't. Not because there isn't a… a foreboding sense of commitment. I like _you_!"

The tears that had been in my eyes since leaving the car began to fall. He looked down at me, but quickly turned away.

"At least I know that most of the shit you said was just talk," he said, obviously reacting to my free-flowing emotion.

He was right. It was a lot of bullshit that I kept trying to convince myself. I couldn't fall in love. I couldn't let anyone tap into the real Nami. I was being myself as much as I could, but my outside personal life had to be kept separate. The real Nami was not available. She was here for one reason: her story. And once that was procured, all of these friends would quickly become enemies. They would feel betrayed and lied to. I got too close and needed to pull back. Everything was happening too fast. I was falling way too fast and needed to stop before I couldn't pull myself back up.

"You really need to stop taking anything Randy says seriously. He's an ass," Adam muttered as he retook a seat next to me. I laughed slightly at his comment, which was most likely the reason for the comment.

We sat in silence as I wiped the tears away from my face. I didn't know if he wanted me to respond. And I honestly didn't know what to say. He slowly reached over and grasped my hand. I knew that my shell was breaking once more. I knew I shouldn't. I should push him away, just like I should have done with Jeff last night. But I couldn't. I knew I would just have to pay the price when the time came and hope for the best.

"Did Jeff say anything to make you think like this?" Adam asked as I leaned against him. I put my head on his shoulder and smiled slightly. He was a little jealous.

"On the contrary, he told me to give you a chance," I answered truthfully. He laughed disbelievingly at my answer.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," he answered still through laughter.

"It_ is_ the truth," I attested. "We talked a lot last night… found out where we stand."

"And where is that exactly?" Adam asked softly.

"Comfortably close yet not close to falling in love," I said.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"No, you're not," I said as I turned to look at him.

"You're right… I'm not," he said with a smirk.

"You're an ass. No wonder you and Randy are perfect partners. But seriously, I like Jeff. He's… totally different than you, but…"

"Isn't _that_ obvious," he muttered mockingly. I pushed against him slightly yet decided it would be the best to just continue.

"But… I find you both_ irresistible_," I said with a smile as I continued to gaze into his eyes.

"Irresistible, huh?" Adam mused before bringing his lips crashing down upon mine. He dominantly pulled me in a position so I was straddling his legs, a knee on either side. He slid one hand down to my lower back to steady me yet I pulled back.

"Stop resisting my irresistibleness," he murmured jokingly. I pushed back on his chest, causing me to fall to the ground in laughter.

"I wasn't trying to resist," I told him as I gestured to my still bruised yet brace-less knee which was visible underneath my skirt.

"Oh shit! I'm so…" He didn't get a chance to finish his apology as I climbed off the ground and into his lap once more. He smiled down at me as I laid both legs overtop his and pulled him back down to my lips. He was very eager to comply. I softly nipped at his lower lip causing him to try and muffle a groan. He responded outwardly by imploring me physically to open up for him.

I was no longer hiding from my feelings. I couldn't, at least not now. I wanted this. I wanted to feel the passion overtake me as our two mouths became blissfully joined as one. And it was… incredible. He was rough yet at the same time gentle. Passionate yet controlled. It was these contradictions that defined our relationship. One second we were hot, the next cold.

We heard childish laughter and reluctantly pulled back. We turned back toward the parking lot and spied two young children staring at us and pointing in glee. Their mother arrived and started to seemingly scold is about our public display of affection. Or at least I think that was what she was doing. I couldn't understand her.

"Huh? Do you…"

"Speak French?" Adam whispered as he turned back to face me. "I may be Canadian, but not a _French_ Canadian." I laughed at his comment as he grasped me tightly to his chest before getting up off the bench.

"_Bon jour_," Adam said happily to the family as we passed. I slapped him playfully on his shoulder.

"Not nice," I murmured as I buried my head into the crook of his neck, trying to breathe him in.

"I was just being polite. I think I was quite pleasant," he muttered teasingly as we made it back to the car. Yet instead of getting in, Adam unlocked the car and opened one of the back doors.

"Huh?" I questioned as he gently placed me in the backseat. He grinned at me the way only he could as he climbed in himself and shut the door. He brushed some of the stray hair from my face as we both got comfortably situated. I brought my hand up to his face and wound my fingers through his hair. He brought his lips, ever so close to mine and chuckled softly when I closed my eyes in anticipation of what was to come.

"Now, where were we?"


	17. Sick Of Bearing The Guilt

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I own nothing that has to do with the WWE and its Superstars. Lyrics in this chapter belong to The Starting Line. I do not own TNA either. Book excerpts come from "Adam Copeland on Edge". Thanks to everyone who has read and my reviewers... "Farra Sti", "Ramihel", "lozzak", "unlimited emerald0307", "XtremeGirl619", and "alana2awesome". You are the ones (and all my reviewers so far) who are keeping my muse from leaving me and I thank you._

_This chapter is a lot more of the overarching plot than anything else. It needed to happen eventually. Not everything can be fluffy romance even though there is more to come very, VERY soon! Happy reading everyone! Peace and Love!_

_

* * *

_

_"After a Shane McMahon run-in and an __Edgeacution__ (my new DDT move, which I stole from the departed __Gangrel__), I was the King of the Ring 2001 champion. The only thing that made it better was the fact that it happened in the home of my beloved New Jersey Devils, the Meadowlands in East Rutherford. In my __postmatch__ interviews I claimed the "Era of Awesomeness" had begun! I would be the second to the last King of the Ring winner. Brock __Lesnar__ was the 2002…"_

"Nami? Someone is here to see you."

I didn't move from my spot, but stopped reading the book in my hands.

It had been a full week since the last elimination and I was still as numb as I was when Mike announced it. I broke down. Every feeling I had about doing this stupid assignment fled my body and I just crashed. Both Jeff and Adam comforted me after. They even both talked with me at the same time. They knew that I was hurting, but told me that I had to just move on. But I couldn't… and still can't.

Carly was gone.

Here I was, sitting in the cool November Florida breeze while Carly was nowhere to be seen. I still can't get over the feeling of hearing her name called. It was surreal. She was this competition. She wanted this so bad. Adam keeps telling me that it isn't the end of the road for her and that she will make it. And I know that he is right. She is too good to be held down by this setback. Yet her departure wasn't just an obstacle for Carly but for me as well. With her gone, I see the monster that I have created and all for a story: a story that I didn't even want to write. I should have been the one to go, not her.

"Hey, how're you doing?"

I continued to just stare at the page in front of me and ignore the newcomer. I knew why he was here: Adam. He had called last night after he and Randy had won the tag titles. He wasn't very happy to see that I hadn't come out of my "_the whole world sucks_" funk and felt totally helpless. He was across the ocean and we wouldn't be able to see each other for another week. So I guess he called in the next best thing.

"Are you just going to sit there pretending to read, or are you going to talk to me?"

I didn't look up from the page. I brought my hand up on top of my head and flipped my sunglasses down over my eyes.

"Cute," he replied flatly as I continued to ignore him. I tried to block him out and continued reading.

_"Brock __Lesnar__ was the 2002 winner and the PPV was changed the following year. Coming off my win, the next night, I was presented with my trophy in a coronation ceremony…"_

"You've been ignoring his calls." I flipped the page yet stopped reading. I didn't move my attention from the book. Ever since Adam called after Raw, we haven't spoken. He's called numerous times yet I never responded. I finally was beginning to get my head where it needed to be: driven to just _do my job_. That was all that this could be now: a job. The guilt was boiling inside me and I knew that the only way to quench it was to finish the story and leave. No matter how much it would kill me, it was what I needed to do. It was bad enough during the other eliminations yet now… Carly?

"Okay, I've had enough."

He pulled the book free from my grasp and set it on the table. Taking the deck chair next to me, he reached over and plucked the glasses from my face.

"Is there a reason you're here?" I asked as I turned to face him for the first time.

"I think you know why I am here." I looked over at my now discarded book with a slight smile.

"I think I have a _vague_ idea." Jay laughed at my sarcastic tone yet quickly turned serious.

"You know it's not your fault. You had _nothing_ to do with her going home. You should honor her memory and win it for her." I gave him a blank stare before bursting out into laughter.

"You know she's not dead or anything," I murmured to him, about his previous comment.

"Yeah, but do you? You act like you'll never see her again and that you should be punished for her leaving," Jay said as he gave me a smile. I just sighed and turned away.

Winning the competition meant something completely different to Carly than it did do me. I guess that was obvious. I was just a writer trying to get the scoop. She was a woman living a dream.

"It's just… Jay, Carly wanted this."

"And you don't?" Jay quickly asked with some confusion.

If only he knew. I was getting sick and tired of lying or avoiding the truth. I looked at my journal, lying locked on the table before me. My journal was like a symbol of what I had become: the outward normal appearance with the truth of the matter locked inside. Just thinking about it made me say something incriminating.

"For when my outward action doth demonstrate the native act and figure of my heart in complement extern, 'tis not long after but I will wear my heart upon my sleeve for daws to peck at. I am not what I am."

"Huh?" Jay asked. I breathed a much needed sigh of relief. I guess he never read _Othello_, or he didn't understand the context. My English major side of me comes out quite often and I guess I felt that I could disclose my secret through the words of another. Too bad it was not understood. I should be happy it wasn't, yet deep down, I wanted someone to know.

"Sorry… it's Shakespeare," I muttered as I continued to stare at my locked journal.

"Shakespeare huh?" he asked with a smile.

"I was an English major in college… total Shakespeare groupie," I said with a laugh.

"That would explain the random quotation. Gotcha," he replied with a laugh. I turned to look at him with a smile.

"Hey, it can get much worse… trust me," I said with a laugh.

"I believe it," he grinned.

I was doing it again, being sucked back into the word of the WWE. Well, that isn't entirely accurate since Jay is no longer a part of the company, yet he will always be a part of that world. The world that is continuing to suck me in. Every time I think I can break away, I find myself still caught in the undertow and being pulled further out to sea. I am already way over my head and it is still dragging me further from the coast.

"So what did Shakespeare's pearl of wisdom exactly mean? Or was it just a random statement to throw us off topic?" he asked with a laugh.

"I had a reason," I said with a knowing smile. "I guess you'll have to read some Shakespeare to figure it out. I mean, it's not like I am saying I am anything like the speaker but… the quotation is…"

I drifted off as I thought of the ramifications of what I was doing in this competition. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I had a chance in Hell of winning this. Now, it seemed like it was becoming a possibility. And what would happen if I won? I already have a job and it didn't involve risking injury every night on an oversized hard trampoline.

"You alright? You kinda spaced there for a minute. What's really bothering you… besides the obvious," he asked as I turned to look into his concerned gaze.

"Too much. Everything is just too much," I responded softly.

I continued to think about winning the competition. I couldn't take the contract. I didn't _want_ the contract! And the prize money? It was more like blood money. I would have been paid a hefty sum to infiltrate the inner workings of a business undetected. And for what story?

The story that I had complied was not anywhere near as damning as I thought it would be when I started. Mild hazing, backstage politics, and some Superstar hatred was as controversial as my story has gotten. You could find that at any business in the world if you looked hard enough. The company was even implementing a strict steroid policy, so there goes that angle. And the whole women as sexual objects… sure it is true. But I have been working my ass off too hard to notice it.

"Don't think then," Jay replied jokingly after a few moments of contemplation.

"Easier said than done," I muttered as I reached over and picked up the book.

"So where does he rank among the Shakespeare's of the world?" Jay asked as I thumbed through the pages, trying to find where I left off.

"Ha. I don't know if you can compare," I said as I spotted the last line I read. "But it is definitely entertaining. He's a really comic writer, not much of a surprise there, and it makes his story just flow."

_"__Billy Gunn would interrupt. Bad move, since I then tore him to shreds verbally. I stated that he, Billy __Bitchcakes__, was like a human vacuum cleaner, managing to both suck and blow at the same time! Yes, I "borrowed" it from The Simpsons, but hey, the show is comic genius."_

"Look at those glasses," Jay said with a laugh as he peered over my shoulder to look at the black and white photograph that was printed there. I looked up from the passage I was reading to stare at the photo.

"I like your hair now so much better," I remarked.

"For most of my professional career, I rocked the long hair… It was a bitch to take of," he replied with a grin as we continued to look at the photo.

"I can imagine," I murmured yet my mind was thinking about much more than their hair.

Climbing ladders, being thrown through tables, hitting people with chairs… these guys had done it all. Adam has admitted that he has slowed some since he has returned from his neck surgery. And who would blame him? He says that he has already proved himself and made a name for himself. Even though they were heels in front of the fans, Edge and Christian will always be seen as one of the greatest tag teams of all time.

Yet when speaking of tag teams, there was another twosome that belonged on the same pillar: The Hardy Boyz. The only difference was that Jeff still went out and scared me half to death every time he got in the ring. In my eyes, he had proved himself a million times over yet continued to put his body on the line every night. He loved to be the best and entertain the fans like only he knows how. And that he did… every night.

_"After the verbal beating, Jay grabbed my trophy and started a two month love affair with it that in turn helped water the seeds of the split."_

"So did you really have a love affair with Adam's trophy?" I joked as I continued to read.

"Yeah, and it almost destroyed my marriage," he joked right back. I pulled my eyes from the book and laughed.

"It is a pretty hot trophy," I responded. Jay laughed and took the book from my hand to look at the photo once more. I pouted but he just laughed and flipped through the pages.

"Don't lose my place. I haven't…"

_"Tell me what you thought about  
__When you were gone and so alone.  
__The worst is over.  
__You can have the best of me…"_

"Who's that?" Jay asked as my phone began to ring. I reached over to slide the phone across the table and into my hand. I flipped it open and put it up to his ear and mouth.

"Hello?" Immediately, a smile came to his face as he accepted the phone from my hand.

"Hey bro… sorry I didn't know it was you by the girly music she has set as your tone."

"It's not girly! I love that song," I muttered as glared at him.

"I don't know what it is," Jay said, as I guess that Adam asked what it was.

"Best of Me by The Starting Line," I said flatly as I went to grab my book from Jay. Yet he was too strong and kept it in his grasp.

"Did you hear that?" Jay asked into the phone. "He says he's going to listen to it later and get back to me on the girliness factor."

"I really don't like you," I said with a childish pout. Making fun of my song and stealing my book… what was he still doing here? Oh, that's right. He was actually able to cheer me up. I guess he could stay.

"So we we're just talking about you… Don't sound so surprised. She's even reading your book… Yeah, we were just looking at a sweet picture of us with your King of the Ring trophy..."

As Adam and Jay were talking, I thought back to the past week. After the great time I had at Cyber Sunday and the morning after, I thought I had everything figured out. I was just going to steal a page from Jeff's book and _live for the moment_. Adam and I got over a huge hurdle and were finally happy with our _being a couple in theory_ relationship. It is really difficult to explain how my brain works, but that is what I am going to label it. He's not pressuring me for a commitment yet he doesn't want to be just some casual fuck (not like we have). He wants to be in it for the long haul.

On the other hand, Jeff and I made progress in our own relationship. It wasn't as fervent and physical as my revelation with Adam, but it was sublime it its own way. In my soul, I felt closer to him right now than anyone in my life… and I don't just mean the people in the company. I mean _everyone._ We had no secrets, sans the one I could _never_ reveal, and it was wonderful.

Everything was perfect until the elimination. When Mike said Carly's name, I felt as if I took a punch to the face. I blacked out and couldn't comprehend what was happening. She took her defeat like a pro, with a smile and confidence that the WWE had not seen the last of her. The Terrific Trio, Evelyn, Carly, and I, were now two. Evelyn didn't really give any outward distress about the whole thing. Even now, she seems so much different. We have barely spoken since last Monday. Just another thing that is hurting me right now.

Seeing Carly pack up backstage and knowing that I was losing my roommate made me want to give up. She told me that she was fine and knew that it was coming. That was total bullshit as I thought that she would be the frontrunner. I wished at that moment that I could have given my immunity to her.

The elimination came before the first match of the night, which was when Jeff lost his Intercontinental title to Nitro. We didn't have a competition for the rest of the night, as there would be no more immunity. They just showed our audition videos for the first time and said that there would be a double elimination in Baltimore on the twentieth. Great news, huh?

After Jeff's defeat, he came and tried to talk me out of my depression. I was a total mess. I cursed up a storm. Screamed at how I don't belong and how I wish that I could just quit my job and forget about the whole thing (I think I was too hysterical for him to put what I was saying together). He left me alone for a few minutes, yet it was only to get backup: Adam.

The two of them were together… in the same room… sitting on the same couch, on either side of me. Each held one of my hands and told me that it was all going to be okay. I couldn't believe what was happening. They swallowed their bitter feelings and pride for me. I felt like a total child that I needed them to coddle me and try to get me to behave like a mature adult. Yet it was the guilt that I was doing all of this and didn't even _have_ a story. I had nothing besides falling in love with two wonderful men! Did I just say in love? And say that it was nothing?

"Your girlfriend doesn't seem to be paying attention to me anymore, not like she ever did."

I turned back to Jay yet my thoughts were still lost in my epiphany that I was in love… with two men. Yes, I _was_ in love with both of them. It's not like I could ever rank them either because the love I felt was different… just like them.

"Does he want to talk to me?" I asked Jay with a smile. Jay laughed.

"I don't think I even need to ask, but I will. Do you want to talk to her… He says that that is not all he wants to do with you," Jay said as he handed me the phone.

"You really have been hanging out with Randy too much. Come back and hang out with Jay. I like him better," I said with a laugh.

"It's good to see that you are in a better mood… well, not_ see_ exactly, but I think you know what I mean," Adam rambled with a laugh.

"Yeah, I get it. Thanks by the way," I said softly.

"For being the sexiest boyfriend you have ever had?" he asked jokingly.

"No… you know what for," I said as I stole a look at my companion who went back to perusing Adam's book.

"You needed to see a friendly face and I knew that if I couldn't be there…"

"Who better than your best friend?" I finished with a grin as Jay looked up to smile at me. "Speaking of which, we are still visiting and making fun of his ridiculous big glasses. I promise I will call you as soon as we are done."

"You're leaving me for Jay? I feel so unloved," Adam said mockingly upset. I laughed.

"Yes, well. I will call you later, _boyfriend in theory_," I said, since I knew he hated that title I bestowed upon him.

"About that…"

"Bye." I flipped the phone shut and laughed. I was going to get it later, but it was worth it.

When I tried to explain to him over the phone last week what I meant by it, he got confused. I so stole the idea from a romantic sitcom I used to watch, but it fit. I wasn't really ready to commit to a relationship yet wanted Adam to know how I felt. So in theory, he was my boyfriend because I had made a commitment to him. Yet if we used that logic, I guess Jeff was my _boyfriend in theory_ too. Ugh… I even confuse myself sometimes.

"I feel so touched," Jay said as he finally relinquished the book to me.

"You should," I joked. "But seriously, thank you… for everything."

"I really didn't do anything but come and visit a friend," he said with a grin. I got up from my seat and went over to give him a hug. My story was going to suck, but my time here was amazing.

"I was actually pretty surprised I was allowed in here," Jay said as I retook my seat.

"Eh… our training is pretty much over. On Raw, our final competition is going to be a match in the ring," I said.

"Really?"

"Yeah… the three surviving girls are going to wrestle but it is going to be quickly broken up. I think Lita is going to be the one to do it."

"And then that's it?"

"Pretty much. Just the announcement at Survivor Series and then, the winner will be trained a little more before debuting on Raw sometime after Christmas," I said with a small smile. After Raw next week, for the first time in the whole competition, the three remaining Divas were going to be going home. Home! I think I forgot what home looked like. We were being allowed to celebrate Thanksgiving with our families. We would just need to be at the pay-per-view.

"So, you free tonight?" Jay asked.

"Why do you ask," I said with a small grin.

"I wanted you to come to my show."

"Oh, I'm sure that the WWE would _love_ to see a prospective talent at a TNA show," I giggled at his suggestion.

"Hey, I know that you know how to disguise yourself. I saw it in action, remember? I'll even let you wear some big freaky sunglasses and dress up like me if you want."

"Well, when you put it _that_ way..."

* * *

_November 15, 2006  
__1:15 AM_

_Just got back from the TNA house show. It was weird being backstage at a pro-wrestling event that wasn't associated with the WWE. It was held at Universal Studios, which Jay says is their headquarters and where most of their shows are taped. I found it humorous that it was filmed in the same place as the old Nickelodeon show Guts! I used to love that show… couldn't find the Agro Crag anywhere. I am sure that none of you have any clue of what I am saying. I am such a nineties girl sometimes._

_I kept a baseball cap and sunglasses on all night. Not really freaky ones like from the old Edge and Christian days, but enough to keep my identity hidden. No one but Jay knew who I was. He just introduced me as his friend Naomi… __Just one letter off from my real name so I didn't feel oh so bad. __After the show, Jay took me in the ring and talked to me about the business. Not just why he left the WWE to go to TNA. __But everything!__ It was really enlightening and I will write about it in detail when I am not so tired. From everything in my personal life to the competition heating up, it has been a stressful few weeks. And even though today started off shitty, it turned out to be terrific._

_From now on, or at least until the actual decision on the new Diva Search winner is made, I am going to take everything as it comes. I will embrace it all. Yet after all the dust settles, and if I am still standing, then that will be the time to hit the panic button. So for now… I will just accept everything… come what __may._

_And by the way, in regards to my last entry, Adam agreed that 'Best of Me' is not a girly song. He thinks it fits perfectly. Laugh it up, Jay._

_**T**__**ell me what you thought about **__**when you were gone and so alone.  
**____**The worst is over. Y**__**ou can have the best of me.  
**____**W**__**e got older, but we're still young.  
**____**W**__**e never grew out of this feeling that we **__**won't**__** give up. :-) **___


	18. I'm Only Ten Years Old

_A.N. Normal disclaimer... I do not own the WWE and its Superstars. The Diva Search belongs to the WWE but the contestants are mine. I want to thank everyone who has read and my loyal reviewers who totally reek of awesomeness: "angel chick1589", "Farra Sti", "Fozzy-Floozy", "unlimited emerald0307", "alana2awesome", "XtremeGirl619" and "Ahhhhhh". My muse has yet to leave and it is probably thanks to all of you. Peace and Love!_

* * *

"Oh… and may the best woman win."

With that, Vince McMahon left to continue managing the Raw telecast. We, and when I say we I now mean myself, Evelyn, and Di, had our match and were now stuck in the locker room again. Yes, I said _again_. It seems that Vince figured out that we all weren't exactly following our contracts properly. And if there is one thing that is similar between the character of Mr. McMahon and his real life counterpart, they needed to be in control. If control was relinquished… let's just say there would be Hell to pay.

So here we are, in the 1st Mariner Arena in Baltimore, and we're not allowed out of our dressing room. And what is even worse, no one is allowed in and we are being restricted from using our cell phones. They even put a management worker right outside of the door to make sure that we wouldn't leave or no one would enter. And we have another one, who we deem our _babysitter_, sitting on the couch and watching the broadcast in our room. I seriously feel like I am ten years old again.

After our match in the ring, which was quickly broken up by the Women's Champion, Vince stopped by to give us the rundown of what would happen the next week. I was barely listening as we were told the same instructions hundreds of times before. All I kept thinking about was how this so did not reek of awesomeness… My vocabulary is a little altered after reading Adam's book. If my college professors could only see me now!

"This is all your fault," Di whispered as we sat down and watched the Dusty Rhodes match. He was fighting one of the Spirit Squad members… don't know his name exactly cause they all look somewhat alike to me.

"I didn't hear you objecting before," I whispered back bitterly.

"Guys… fighting will get us nowhere," Evelyn said, trying to play the peacemaker. We both just turned to glare at her. We were pulled out of our stare down when the bell rang and Dusty Rhodes was awarded the victory. They quickly cut to the backstage area.

"Ooo, burn," Di whispered to me as we watched Adam and Amy share a kiss on screen. I rolled my eyes at her comment and watched as Randy Orton and Maria came and interrupted them. I think that's the first time I was ever happy to see Randy. Amy quickly walked away, as I think her match is next, and left them to talk.

"_Sorry… didn't mean to interrupt_," Randy stated as Amy left the screen. "_I… check it out, I ran into Maria backstage and she's a hundred percent recovered from that brutal lashing that Umaga laid upon her a few weeks ago... and she's got a question for us Edge... Shoot_."

"_Umm… do you think team Rated RKO can win tonight and at Survivor Series_?" Maria asked happily. The two men's reactions were priceless. Randy looked like he was trying really hard to comprehend what she had just asked. Not much of a stretch there. And Adam… he's expression was impossible to describe: a fusion of annoyance, arrogance, and mockery. What a pair!

_"What the hell is that?"_ Adam asked as the trio made their way down the hallway, trying to discover where the noise that broke up their interview was coming from.

"So, you usually are full of great ideas," Di whispered sarcastically to me. I turned my attention away from the screen to look at her. "How do you plan on getting us out of here?"

"Who said I was planning anything?" I asked her.

"I know you a little too well. And besides, if you're not planning anything, I am sure your boyfriend is," Di said as she gestured her head to the screen. We hadn't seen each other since Raw two weeks ago. It was brutal. And the last time that we even had talked was this morning when I got off the plane. I said that I would see him in an hour... that was seven hours ago!

"I think he is a _little_ busy. And besides, he doesn't have a clue what is going on. He probably thinks I'm mad or avoiding him. He can be paranoid like that," I muttered as I turned my attention back to the action on the television.

"I really don't blame him there," Di muttered. So much for us becoming closer friends. I guess we were always going to be _frenemies _and nothing would change it. I tried my best to be nice. It was just so hard when she wouldn't respond in kind.

"_I have no idea what you just said, but you know what? I'm Canadian_!" Adam said as he interrupted some guys that they were bantering with. I have no clue who they are and have never seen them around. I guess they were new. Thanks to Di, I am so lost as to what is happening. Yet I guess that that isn't that hard to believe.

"_I know black people. I'm down with the brothers; you know what I'm saying?" _Adam said as he looked toward Randy.

"_Ah, I know what you're saying,"_ Randy answered as he continued to look a little confused. Then again, Randy always looks a little confused, either that or overly arrogant. I guess it always has to be one or the other.

_"I've spent a lot of good quality time bonding with Whitney Houston videos when I was a teenager,"_ Adam said ending in laughter. I just groaned and sunk deeper into the couch while Di and Evelyn both began to laugh.

_"I love Whitney Houston!" _Maria exclaimed which earned looks from all four of the men. That was the last straw. I had enough. I was having cabin fever and needed to get out. I got up off the couch that I was sitting in and began to think of what I could do. After a few moments, I thought of a plan.

"Excuse me, but I really need to use the restroom," I told our babysitter as I put on my best pleading face. The room that we were confined to was more like a stockroom and had no facilities except for a working television.

"The show is almost over," he muttered. That was not good enough.

"Please?" I asked trying my best to sway his overly grouchy disposition. He sighed and got up off the couch. I broke him. God, it felt so good. He went to the door and murmured to the watchman on the outside. A few seconds later, he came back in.

"You have two minutes. Don't be late or else... and if you see Mr. McMahon, it is all on you," he said as he opened the door. I thanked them both and scurried down the hall. Once out of eyesight, I began looking around for someone I knew that maybe could help with the situation. It was too bad that almost everyone that I actually did know was in the main event that was coming up in ten minutes.

"Hey... Nami, right? Jeff has been looking for you all night."

I turned around and came face to face with Melina. I smiled and knew that things were finally going my way.

"Do you have any idea of where I could find him?" I asked quickly as I knew that I didn't have that much time. She nodded her head and gave me directions. _First left, second door on the right_. I hurried quickly along the corridors and tried to avoid all attention. When I arrived at the door, I knocked loudly.

"Hey Hardy, someone is here to see you." Carlito got out of the way and let me in the room. Jeff turned around and gave me a huge smile. I ran and gave him a quick hug before realizing that time was ticking away.

"Meemz, where hav…"

"I don't have time to explain it all right now. We're sort of being punished and not allowed to be in contact with anyone thus the reason I haven't been around. Phone is off-limits too so if you sent messages, I haven't gotten them. I just… needed to tell someone. Didn't want you all to think something was wrong," I blurted out hastily. I stopped to catch my breath before looking at the clock. I needed to get back now!

"Will I see you at the hotel later?" he asked as I turned around and headed to the door.

"We aren't staying tonight. We are taking a late night flight to California for a photo shoot tomorrow and then home for the holiday," I said sadly. "I will call when I can. And if you see Adam…"

"Sure thing," he answered with a small smile. I blew him a kiss and quickly sprinted out of the room and back to my own. I burst through the door out of breath.

"You're lucky that I really wasn't keeping time."

* * *

"That was a _total _waste of time… and a good night sleep!"

The three of us finalists were dropped back off at the hotel in Baltimore where the WWE talent was staying the night. It was three in the morning and we had just arrived from the airport. Needless to say, our flight was cancelled. Thus, the whole photo shoot was pushed back a week, meaning that we were off until Sunday. I seriously felt like this was Vince's way of playing a cruel joke on us. Like there never was a flight to begin with and he was just running us around like mice through a maze.

"Tell me about it," Evelyn muttered, replying to Di's comment. The three of us fell down into a few of the lobby chairs and tried to decide our course of action for the night. The hotel was booked. We had no ride. It was really late and we all were beyond tired. Di got up and left to go who knows where as I just closed my eyes and contemplated what to do. There were a few people I could call who were only an elevator ride away, but I didn't want to disturb them.

"I'm going to get some coffee. Want some?" Evelyn asked as she got up from her seat.

"No. I still plan on sleeping some tonight," I murmured as I ran my hand over my face in tiredness.

"Good luck with that," she said jokingly as she left in search of a caffeine fix. I was seriously thinking about joining her. I didn't have the nerve to call anyone this late at night... even if it was Jeff. It would just be awkward. I laid my head back and shut my eyes. Maybe the hotel staff wouldn't mind if I just slept here tonight.

"Hey! If it isn't the girlfriend! Sorry… _girlfriend in theory_."

I opened my eyes and came face to face with a slightly tipsy Legend Killer. I rolled my eyes. I really didn't need this right now.

"What do you want Orton?" I muttered as he plopped down in the seat next to me. "And if you say anything remotely offensive, you will be walking funny for the next week. Oops, I mean funnier."

"Someone's a little hellcat tonight. What happened baby? Tell Randy all about it," he cooed as he leaned over on my shoulder. Okay, so maybe he was a little more than tipsy.

"You're drunk. Get off," I said as I pushed him back into his seat which just earned a laugh.

"I don't do _drunk_ babe," he muttered as he smirked at me. Oh this was _real _rich. I was on about my last nerve already after everything else that had happened tonight. He was very close to breaking that one.

"Then what do you call this? Cause if this is the disposition of sobriety…" I didn't get to finish as he leaned over and kissed me. Okay, I wasn't expecting that. Not in a million years. I pushed him off before he could get comfortable and got up from my seat, glaring down at his arrogant form.

"What the fuck is your damage?" I asked him lividly as I wiped my hand across my lips. Ew, the lips of Randy Orton had touched mine. I don't even want to think of where they had been. Too scary and sickening.

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad. I know you've kissed Hardy before so it's definitely a step up from there," he said with a laugh. I glared down at him.

"My personal business is none of yours!" I snarled softly before turning my back to him. He continued to softly laugh and I was praying that Evelyn or Di would come soon. I was sort of in charge of watching their stuff, even though it was never officially stated. I couldn't just leave, but Randy was making it hard not to.

"Seeing as you're dating my friend… well _in theory_ anyway… what does that even mean? I don't even think Copeland knows. He tried explaining it and we all just burst out in laughter... He is just going along with it so you'll stay on his arm and away from Hardy," he said with a laugh. He was about to continue with his incessant rambling so I went over and put a stop to it. I somewhat _gently_ slapped him across the face. I didn't throw my whole weight into, as my intention really wasn't to harm. It was more along the line of a "shut the hell up and mind your own business" slap.

"Alright, I surrender," Randy said with a small chuckle. He stood up so we were eye to chest. I looked up at him and gave him a look to tell him that I was waiting for him to make a move.

"May I at least ask what you're doing here? Weren't you supposed to be halfway to Cali by now?" he asked, dropping a lot of the asshole attitude that makes up his usual persona.

"Our flight was canceled and we don't have a room," I said as I pushed past him and retook my seat.

"We?"

"Ev and Di are around here… somewhere," I said gesturing with my hands for emphasis.

"Well I wouldn't be able to consider myself a gentleman, if I didn't offer you my bed for the night," he said with a smirk. That last nerve of mine… just snapped.

"Gentleman and Randy Orton are two things that should never be in the same sentence," I muttered as I tried to calm my frustration.

"Maybe it's just that your mind is in places it shouldn't be. I promise I won't tell Copeland. Now, get your friends and come up to room 1120," Randy said as he turned to leave.

"Don't hold your breath," I muttered as I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. He laughed and presumably left shortly after. I sat in contemplation on what to do when I felt the seat next to me become occupied. Please don't be Randy! _Please don't be Randy!_

"You sure you don't want some?" Evelyn asked as I opened my eyes. At least one thing went my way. She was holding out her fresh Styrofoam cup of coffee. I shook my head and she went back to her drink.

"What took you so long?" I asked her, thinking back to the time I had to spend with Randy.

"Sorry. Didn't know that I was being timed," she said with a small laugh.

"You weren't. I just needed saving from Orton and…"

"Randy was here?" I rolled my eyes at her excitement.

"He's an ass Ev… but yeah, he sort of invited us to sleep in his room," I said. As soon as the words left my lips, she jumped up, splashing coffee on the rug.

"And why are we still here?" she asked starry-eyed. I looked up at her and scoffed.

"I am not spending the night in Randy's room. I would rather sleep in this chair than in a radius of five feet from him," I groaned as I spotted Di heading our way.

"Then tell me what room he is in! I'll accept the invitation," Evelyn said excitedly. Yeah right. She gets tounge tied around Adam still. With Randy? You could probably hear a pin drop during that conversation... or lack there of.

"Whose invitation?" Di asked as she put her phone back in her bag.

"Randy Orton invited us to crash in his room and _Nami _would rather stay here," she recounted.

"Are you insane? Let's go," Di said.

"Two against one," Evelyn said with a smile. "Come on, Randy is not that bad." I looked up at her with a glare and she sighed. She knew that I wouldn't relent on sleeping in the same room as Orton. Ugh, I didn't even want to be in the same hotel as him. Di quickly grabbed her bag along with mine and made her way to the elevator.

"Where are you two going? And with my things?" I asked as Evelyn grabbed her bag and followed Di.

"We're going to Randy's," Di said. I got up off the chair and went over to where they stood by the elevator doors.

"That's funny cause I don't remember telling you what room he's in," I said with a smirk. The elevator dinged and both girls pushed me inside. I struggled to get free but it was too late. The doors were closing.

"What floor Nami?" Evelyn asked as we stood in the confined space. I turned away from them. Di kept the _close door_ button pushed down. I knew that they would have to give up eventually.

"What floor?" Di asked menacingly. I sighed.

"Eleven," I said. I relented. I couldn't deal with it anymore and I really needed sleep. On the elevator ride up, I couldn't help but think that Randy was probably screwing us over. It was probably someone else's room… probably someone we don't even know. Well, it would serve Di and Evelyn right.

We got out of the elevator and I led the way to room 1120. I stopped in front of the door and exhaled the air that I didn't know I was holding. Did I really want to do this? Well that question was easy to answer: hell no! But the tiredness was winning and the fact that I felt Di nudge me from the side. I knocked quietly on the door.

"Well, he's not answering. Let's go back to the…"

"Now this is a pleasant surprise."

I groaned as Randy appeared in the doorway. The two girls behind me made no move to say anything even though they were the ones who wanted to come. I knew that this would happen.

"They wanted to come," I muttered as I gestured to the two girls on either side of me.

"Keep telling yourself that babe," he said as he held the door open for the three of us. Evelyn and Di went in first saying soft "thank-yous" to our not so gracious host.

"You owe me," Randy whispered in my ear as I walked by. I quickly turned and shot him a glare.

"You offered! I owe you squat!" I whispered sharply. He laughed slightly and shook his head before pushing past me and retreating further into the room. I followed and dropped my bag at the foot of one of the beds.

"You have a double room?" I asked puzzled. He turned toward me with a smirk.

"I know you're disappointed babe. I'll find some way of making it up to you," he said with a wink. I felt like I was going to be sick. I unzipped my bag and quickly pulled out a tank top and boxers along with my toiletry bag. Yet Di waltzed past me and into the bathroom before I had a chance.

"So Di's already claimed the extra bed," Evelyn said. Randy tried to hold in his laughter as he laid back on his own bed and took in the whole scene.

"She can't claim a whole bed. Two of us will share and the other can sleep on the floor," I said.

"What type of gentleman would I be if I let one of you lovely ladies sleep on the floor? _You_ are free to join me," Randy said. I scoffed but kept my mouth shut as he already knew what I thought of him. I knew that he was probably just causing trouble in front of Evelyn and trying to get a response from me. Well it wasn't going to work... this time anyway.

"I am not sleeping in the same bed as you," I muttered flattly after a few moments of silence, before looking over at him. Before he had time to retort, Di came out and flopped down on the bed. Evelyn grabbed her stuff and headed off to get change leaving me to sort out the sleeping arrangements.

"You're going to share with Ev and I'm going to take the floor," I said looking at her.

"Oh and who died and made you boss?" she asked snottily. I was the reason that she actually had a bed. I _so_ wanted to go over to her and wring her neck.

"I did," Randy replied as he stared at Di with his crystalline blue irises. He could be quite fierce looking when he wanted to be. I was about to laugh at his response though because I don't think he realized he just said that he had "died". I will let him slide this time, since he is a little wasted. Di just stared back at him and nodded. He grinned and turned his attention back to me.

"See? I can be helpful," he said.

"Very helpful," I muttered.

The three of us past the time waiting for Evelyn in silence. I had nothing to say to either of them. I just wanted to get changed, brush my teeth, and sleep… even if it was on the floor of Randy Orton's hotel room. As soon as Evelyn came out, I took my turn getting ready for sleep. It had been such a long day and I couldn't wait for it to be over. I was actually happy that we didn't have a shoot tomorrow, as I would be far from photogenic.

When I reentered the room, the lights were off. Guess no one wanted to wait to sleep. Not like I really blamed them. I felt like I would be in a REM coma as soon as my head hit the pillow. Walking over to grab a pillow from Randy's bed, I tripped and fell on top of Evelyn. She was lying on the ground.

"What are you doing down here?" I whispered as I got off of my friend.

"Di has the bed remember?" she said as she rolled back on her side and tried to get some sleep. Now where did that leave me? I went to the side of Di's bed and sat down.

"Di!" I whispered harshly in her ear.

"I am not sharing a bed with either of you," she whispered. I sighed and got up. Talk about stubborn. There was still a little room on the floor between the bathroom and the door. I crept back to Randy's bed and went to grab a pillow. Yet as I tried to pull the pillow off the bed, his hand grasped my wrist.

"Stay here. I promise no funny business," he said sleepily. I looked at the outline of his chiseled features that I could see from the moonlight.

"What happened to not letting a girl sleep on the floor?" I asked softly as I sat on the side of the bed. He let go of my wrist as he knew that my resolve was waning and chuckled.

"The girl over there is a coldhearted bitch. Wouldn't listen to me," he said with a grin. He yawned slightly and I felt my own weariness hit full force. I pulled back the blanket and slipped underneath.

"No funny business," I murmured, repeating his earlier phrase. He just laughed.

"Scouts honor," he said as I got myself settled on the bed.

"I highly doubt that you were _ever _a boy scout."


	19. How To Believe In Futures

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I do not own the WWE and its Superstars. This is purely a work of fiction. Only two chapters left of this part of the story. Thanks to everyone has read and of course my wonderful reviewers: "Fozzy-Floozy", "XtremeGirl619", "alana2awesome", and "Ramihel". I love hearing all of your comments and thank you greatly. :-) _

_The next chapter will feature Adam so I am sorry for his small role in this one. Also, I have already written a future chapter because my muse was so focused on Jeff Hardy today. It just didn't fit at this time, but I consider it some of my best work. It will be showing up probably next week sometime if I continue the once a day updates. Happy reading! Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

"Ayo! Legend Killer! Time to get up!"

I felt a weight around my waist pressing me lightly down into the mattress. I groggily opened my eyes and all I saw was ugly quilted fabric. My head was nuzzled underneath the hideously printed blanket from the bed. Yet what bed? And who's body was pressed oh so tightly against mine?

"Orton! Get your ass up!"

The sheet was ripped away and I groaned instantly. Not only because it was cold in the room, but also because I realized exactly what happened last night. I so should have slept on the floor.

"Sorry. Didn't know you had company," John said sheepishly as he threw the sheet back on our slightly entwined form. It was obvious he didn't know that it was me lying in the embrace of his friend.

"Randy! Get off me," I squealed as I tried to get out of his grasp.

"Wait a minute… Nami?" John asked as he came over to the side of the bed. Randy had become coherent enough to let me go. I awkwardly sat up and looked toward John.

"Hey… This is _not_ what it looks like," I said as I gestured between myself and the slowly waking Randy.

"Uh-huh," John said, with a tone that told me he didn't believe a word I was saying. I knew that Di and Evelyn could vouch for everything that happened. They were the ones who wanted to come up here in the first place. Yet as I looked around the room, I saw that my two competitors were M.I.A.

"Di and Ev were here too. We needed a place to crash. Randy offered," I muttered. I knew that them not being present made my story a little farfetched. Yet he would have to just take my word for it.

"Uh-huh," John replied in the same tone. I sighed but then noticed a note attached to the room's mirror. I got off the bed and grabbed it. I read it silently to myself and smiled:

_Sorry to leave so soon, but we both are going to try and catch the first flights back home since the shoot is off. I figured leaving a note on the mirror was the safest way to go __cause__ Randy is bound to have to check himself out sometime before leaving. I was going to wake you, but you and Randy looked so cozy. I had to take a few pictures. :-) I'll have to show them to you on Sunday. I hope you can stand him enough to get through the awkward wake-up that is bound to happen. Tell Randy thanks again for both of us. See you Sunday!_

_XOXO Ev_

_P.S. – Have a Happy Thanksgiving! _

"See?" I said thrusting the note into the disbelieving champ's hand. He looked over the note before handing it back to me.

"Uh-huh." I was getting sick of that expression.

I sat back down on Randy's bed in frustration. At least it wasn't Adam who walked through the door and found us like that. I don't think the altercation would be so calm. Randy sat up and pulled me to him so we were sitting back to chest.

"They were all bound to find out eventually babe," Randy said through half-lidded eyes. I slapped him softly on the shoulder yet he did not let go. I knew that Randy liked to fool around and make jokes, yet I didn't find this quite humorous.

"Get off," I said as I tried to claw out of the grasp he had around my waist.

"That's not exactly what you were saying last night," he said suggestively with wink for added effect.

"So much for being a boy scout," I muttered as he leaned his chin on my shoulder.

"So what brings you by so early?" Randy asked his friend as I tried to wriggle free from his vice-like grip. He was taking this a little too far.

"This was my room too remember?" John said as he held up his key card. "Even though I am happy to say that I crashed elsewhere last night."

"Nothing happened," I shrieked again as I elbowed Randy in the ribs slightly. He let me go and I quickly scampered off of the bed.

"She needed a place to stay and I was a truly generous and hospitable host," Randy replied with a smirk. I rolled my eyes just thinking about his _generosity_.

"Ev slept on the floor and Di had the other bed. She's never learned that sharing is caring so I had to bunk with… well you know," I explained as I grabbed some new clothes from my bag.

"Hey, who says you get the shower first?" Randy asked as he saw me heading that way.

"I did," I grinned as I walked toward the door.

"Besides, I still have a few questions for you," John told his friend.

"After I'm done playing five questions with the champ, I'll come and keep you company sexy," Randy replied. I flipped him off before heading into the bathroom to take my morning shower.

Randy could be so frustrating, flirtatious, and a total jackass at times. Yet he did do us a great service last night, even though I doubt he would ever let me forget it. I could see at times that his attitude was like a veil. Once you got close enough, he would let you in. Yet until that time, it was like dealing with a semi-watered down version of his in-ring persona.

My shower went by uninterrupted thankfully. I never knew what to expect with any of the guys... but especially Randy. He didn't care what anyone thought of him which sometimes… well most times, would cause trouble. Thus I always needed to be on my toes. Try to be one step ahead even though I never was.

After I was finished with my morning routine, I stepped out of the bathroom and back over to my stuff.

"Finally," Randy muttered before walking past me right into the vacated room.

"Whatever," I murmured as I zipped up my bag. I looked over at where John was sitting and gave him a smile.

"So everything copacetic between us?" I asked with a nervous laugh. The last thing I needed was John to think that I was attracted to Randy. I shuddered even at the thought.

"Yeah. I didn't really think that anything happened but uh… it was a little weird to find you guys like that to be honest with you," he said as I took a seat across from him.

"Totally understandable. We started the night not so… so snuggly-wuggly but I guess it was bound to happen in that small of space," I said. "Randy, his ego, and I couldn't stay apart for that long."

He laughed and was about to respond when his cell phone rang.

"'Ey Adam." My eyes widened at the name.

"We meetin' up?...Heh, I'm sure there is a reason you haven't… She probably just… Yeah, I'll see you in five." That was the extent of his conversation. He couldn't get a full sentence in. He flipped the phone shut and laughed.

"You told him you would call when you landed and he's worried cause he hasn't heard anything," John said with a chuckle. Oh shit, I had totally forgotten about that!

"I think it's sweet," I said as a huge grin formed on my face. He was worried about me! It made my heart do a few flip-flops inside of my chest.

"I call it kinda pathetic," he joked. I lightly tossed a pillow at him, but even from such a close distance, missed him horribly.

"I take it you never played sports in school," he said as he threw the pillow back at me gently.

"I played a little basketball until the beginning of high school. I was only good when I was younger because I was over 5'6" and at least a good three inches taller than the others. After the girls caught up, I hung up my jersey. No real natural athletic talent," I said with a laugh.

"That ain't true. You showed some skill in the ring last night," he said. I smiled at his comment.

"Yes, after weeks of endless training," I said with a sigh. At least it was over for a while. If I did win, I knew that there would be a lot more training in the future.

"So getting back to Adam… you going to call him or surprise the hell out of him when he sees you?" John asked with a mischievous grin.

"I think I'll do the latter."

"Figured," he murmured, the grin still plastered on his face.

"So thanks for the use of your bed. Di appreciated it," I said as I picked up Ev's note and slid it in my pocket. It would soon be chronicled in my journal, like everything else I have come across on this assignment. I tried not to get too personal when writing but at times it was hard. This was a personal journey thus it would be a personal account. Way different than the original concept.

"Don't mention it. After the bar, I crashed at my buddy's apartment. Happy to see Orton made it back alright," John said. I couldn't understand much of his story since I never really knew the reason Randy was a little out of sorts when he showed up last night. We didn't really talk about anything of substance. I guess he went out with John and friends and drank a little too much.

"He never is alright," I joked. We heard the water turn off and I groaned, knowing that we would be graced with Randy's presence in a few moments.

"I'm going to have to get those pictures from Ev. I'm sure it's something Randy's fiancé would love to see," John joked. I furrowed my brow in confusion at his comment.

"Randy's engaged?" I asked.

"It's sort of complicated," he said as he rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. He probably didn't know how much to say. "It's on again and then it is off and then back on. As you can imagine, she puts up with a lot of shit."

"Ugh… I would have a headache every morning," I said as I heard the door open again.

"We going to eat?" Randy asked as he got his stuff together.

"Yeah. Adam's waiting downstairs," John said as he grabbed my bag before I could protest.

"See? Now _that_ is a gentleman," I said gesturing to John as we left the room. Randy could learn a thing or two from his friends in that department.

"This is the thanks I get for sharing my bed with you," Randy scoffed jokingly.

"Yeah… and now I feel even more awkward than before since I just found out that you're engaged!" I said as I stared at him waiting for some sort of reaction. He really didn't have one.

"Let's not talk about that right now," he groaned flashing a slight glare at John, as we made it to the elevator.

"I guess it's off again," John muttered to me.

We rode down to the lobby in silence. I was too busy thinking about seeing Adam to talk to the other two men. I hadn't seen him in person for two weeks! Two whole weeks!! It was driving me insane to say the least.

The elevator let us off and I immediately spotted his beautiful blond locks. He was sitting in one of the lobby's many chairs, looking frustrated while talking on his cell phone. I was luckily out of his eyesight so I came around and stood behind his chair.

"You aren't helping. Why isn't she calling?... I don't care if she's tired Jay. She promised," Adam said into his phone. I laughed silently but was really touched that he was so worried about me. There was no reason for him to be, but I guess that he was also just as frustrated that we weren't able to see each other. Our phone calls were all we had. Randy and John came into Adam's line of view and he nodded a greeting to his friends.

"I know but…" I pulled the phone from his hand and put it up to my own face.

"Sorry that you had to deal with that," I said into the phone. Adam got out of his seat and stared at me in shock and wonderment.

"Nami! What happened to California?" Jay asked as Adam came around to grasp me gently from behind.

"It was postponed. Flight was cancelled," I said as Adam nuzzled my neck, tickling my skin with his scruffy face. He placed soft gentle kisses as he went. It was truly sublime and a feeling I never wanted to end.

"Well, tell him I'll call him later. I know he's going to be busy for a little while," Jay said with a laugh.

"Say bye to Jay," I told Adam as I flipped the phone his way, over my shoulder.

"Bye bro. Thanks for listening," Adam said before returning to his previous ministrations on my neck.

"Talk to you later sexy… Ciao!" I said as I flipped the phone shut. As soon as I was off the phone, he spun me around and kissed me heartily. We put two weeks of frustration, passion, and desire into our kiss. I didn't want it to end. Yet I knew that we were in a very public place. Where's the backseat of a rental car when you need one?

"Why didn't you call last night if you were still here?" Adam asked as we breathlessly broke apart.

"It was after three when we were dropped off here. I didn't want to wake you," I said with a smile as I reached up to brush a few blond locks away from his beautiful eyes.

"Besides, Randy was more than hospitable. Isn't that right, Nam?" John said with a grin.

"You stayed… with Randy?" Adam asked, in a sort of disbelieving tone. I sheepishly laughed as I looked at his confused face.

"We met in the lobby. He said he had extra room since the place was booked. He offered to let the three of us stay," I said.

"You owe me one Copeland," Randy told Adam as he continued fiddling with his cell phone.

"I thought I owed you one?" I asked bitterly turning toward him, remembering his comment from last night.

"You don't owe him anything," Adam said as he pulled me tight against him. I leaned my head back against his chest and sighed contently. Being in Adam's strong arms was heaven. No feeling felt any better than knowing I was safe in his embrace.

"Especially after the cuddle session that I found them in this morning," John said with a laugh. I couldn't believe him. Randy smirked as I stared at John with a look of shock and contempt.

"We were _not _cuddling! He was… well…" I didn't know how to phrase it as any way I put it would come out incriminating.

"We slept together," Randy said bluntly. John tried to control his laughter and I glared at both men.

"_Gentleman_ my ass," I muttered.

"So now that you know whose bed your girlfriend was warming last night, let's go," Randy said. I smacked him on the back of the head as I pulled out of Adam's grasp to follow him.

"What is your problem?" I asked as I fell in step alongside him. I turned around and saw John explaining the situation to a still confused Adam.

"Don't have one," Randy replied. Ugh, it was like dealing with hormonal teenagers.

Breakfast went by without incident. Adam just told me the next time to call him no matter what time it was. That was fine with me. I really didn't want to imagine spending another night with Randy… well not _with him_. I guess he could be considered physically attractive yet it stops right about there in my eyes. Nevertheless, he was someone I would consider a friend. We just had a weird way of outwardly showing our affection to one another.

* * *

"I can't believe you are taking a flight to Newark. It's like a four hour drive from here."

I decided to ignore Randy's comment and continued writing in my journal. I couldn't understand why Randy was still hanging around me. Both Adam and John had already left. Adam… damn, I missed him already. Yet it was only going to be for a few days. He was going to fly to New Jersey early Thursday and spend Thanksgiving with me.

It's weird that we could barely be considered a couple and he was already going to be meeting my family. I couldn't lie… I was nervous. Everyone in my family, except my father, believed that I was actually seriously competing to become a wrestler. They couldn't understand for the life of them why I had entered the competition. They knew that I never watched wrestling. And now I was going to be bringing home a big, muscled, gladiator of a man as my significant other.

I was stressed enough about just seeing them. Now, it was just doubling my stress level. That could also be due to the fact that I sort of took it upon myself to invite Adam to dinner. But hey like he says… _he's Canadian_! They celebrate Thanksgiving in October.

I continued writing in my journal yet it was pulled from my grasp. Randy turned to look at my writing but I hastily grabbed it.

"What do you think you are doing?" I asked as I quickly locked it and put it in my bag. I didn't need to be found out now… especially by Randy Orton.

"You were ignoring me. I wanted to see what was so engrossing that you couldn't even give me an answer. You writing about how Copeland is an inferior kisser to your's truly?" he asked. I sighed.

"Why are you even here? You're gate is down a ways from here. Why don't you go? I am sure there is someone else you can find to bother," I groaned as I looked up at the flight time. Still forty minutes to go… damn!

"I wouldn't get as much enjoyment from it," he said with a grin.

"_I, oh, I'm still alive…"_

"Thank you," I whispered as I pulled my phone out of my bag and flipped it open.

"Hey sexy," I said. Randy's eyebrows shot up in an amused, questioning glance.

"I knew you would come around," Randy said with a smirk.

"Hey Meemz, just calling to see how your night went," Jeff said.

"Ugh, you wouldn't believe me if I told you," I groaned into the phone.

"I'm sorry darlin'. At least you are soakin' up the sun and enjoying a few days off," he said. I laughed into the phone. Oh yeah… _so much enjoyment._

"You home?" I asked him.

"Nah, still at the airport. My flight is in twenty minutes though. I can't believe that I am actually flying home, but I'm a little too beat up to drive," he said as Cameron was only a little further drive from Baltimore than my home.

"Yeah, I understand that," I said as I stared over at Randy. "Can I call you back?"

"Sure. Is everything okay?" he asked, somewhat concerned as to why I was ending the conversation so quickly.

"Yeah, yeah… I'll talk to you soon… Bye."

"Let me guess… Hardy," Randy said with a contemplative smirk. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my bag off of the ground.

"I'll see you around Legend Killer. Have a great Thanksgiving," I said with a wave.

"Where you going? This is your gate," he said as I started walking away.

"Wow! I am so impressed that you can read!" I said sarcastically which earned a glare from the young man. "I'm going to see Jeff."

Randy really knew how to get under my skin. I know that he did it on purpose most of the times because he knew that he _could _get a rise out of me. I knew that I should just stop responding to him yet it was too hard.

I spotted a departure board and saw Jeff's gate was only a few spots away. No matter how fast, or slow in some instances, Adam and I were progressing in our relationship, there was one thing that was certain. Jeff was never far from my mind. It wasn't like we shared the same relationship that Adam and I had. Yet I think I knew more about Jeff and his whole attitude on life than I did about anyone, even Danielle and Steven. We three aren't on the best of terms right now. I have become too wrapped up in my job… I've been enjoying it too much.

"Want some company?" I asked Jeff as I plopped down in the empty chair next to him.

"Holy shit! What are you doing here?" Jeff asked happily surprised as he pulled me into an embrace.

"Photo shoot was pushed back so we can go home. Just waiting for my flight," I said with a smile as we pulled away from each other.

"You didn't sound too happy on the phone," Jeff recalled with a laugh.

"Yeah well, you wouldn't be _so happy_ if you had Randy Orton annoying you to no end," I murmured with a slight laugh.

"Randy's around?" Jeff asked as he looked for my former companion.

"Hopefully he got the hint for once and went to his own gate."

"Trouble in paradise?" Jeff asked. I shot him an annoyed look.

"There is no paradise… not with him anyway. He finds pleasure in tormenting me," I said with a small smile.

I recounted all of what had happened the night before. Jeff, like the others, found it humorous that I ended up in Randy's bed. Yet unlike Adam, he said he would avenge my honor if Orton ever pulled anything too over the line. Jeff Hardy: knight in shining armor. I told him about Adam spending Thanksgiving with me and his only real response was… _Canadian_. I also told him that he always had an open invitation to visit no matter what the occasion. He beamed his perfect smile at me in response.

"Well, your flight's boarding," I said, even though it was obvious he already knew it. It was hard not to with all the announcements being made. We both stood up, but neither wanted to make the first move to depart.

"So I guess I'll see you Sunday," I said as I pulled him into an embrace.

"Oh… Yeah, I almost forgot. I have a surprise for you," he said with a grin, as his southern accent was even more pronounced in excitement.

"Really? What?" I asked as I kept my arms locked around his neck.

"You're just gonna have to wait until Sunday," he said softly as he brought his head down so our noses touched. I pouted hoping he would change his mind.

"Please?" I asked.

"You make it hard to say no, but I don't wanna ruin it," he said with a smile.

"Can you at least give me a hint?" I asked desperately. I was never good at being patient. Whoever said "patience is a virtue" was not talking about me.

"Sorry Meemz," he said as he leaned down further to give me a quick kiss before pulling away and grabbing his stuff.

"Oh, and by the way… when did you start calling me that?" I asked with a grin as I got my own stuff and walked him to the door.

"I don't know really. I think it's cute. It fits you," he said as we looked into each other's eyes. It wasn't the same reaction I got when I stared at Adam, yet it was special all the same.

"Promise you'll call me later?" I asked as I pulled him in for one more hug.

After two weeks of not seeing him, Jeff was certainly a sight for sore eyes. And now we were parting again. First Adam, now Jeff. And I couldn't help but to think that on Sunday, it could be my turn to do the parting. Only this time it would be for the last time.


	20. Fire Rising Through My Being

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I do not own the WWE and its Superstars. The lyrics in the chapter belong to Adam Sandler from the movie "The Wedding Singer". Thanks to everyone who has read and of course my loyal reviewers who make me want to post: "Farra Sti", "unlimited emerald0307", "angel chick1589", "Fozzy-Floozy" and "XtremeGirl619". This chapter is my longest one yet and took forever to write. I didn't want to leave Jeff totally out of it so it took a little bit of planning. The end of the chapter gets a little mature but nothing that I think warrants a high rating. It's all PG-13 in my eyes, but I don't know. Thanks again to everyone who is reading and I will hopefully finish this part of the story by tomorrow! Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

"I hate Thanksgiving!"

"Darlin', everything will work out. Just stop stressin'."

I sighed into the phone as Jeff tried to calm me down. The past two days had flown by and it was already Thursday. Dinner was at my aunt's house at six and I was in charge of making the pies. Every family member was in charge of one aspect of the holiday dinner and I always made the apple and pumpkin pies. It was quite funny that that was my assignment since I hated the dessert. Ever since high school, I always made them yet this year they were just not cooperating.

"Ugh. I hate pumpkin!" I exclaimed into the phone as I opened the can. I always found it odd that making a pumpkin pie from scratch still normally included canned pumpkin instead of the real thing. I knew it was for the best as there was no way that I would ever gut a pumpkin just to make a pie that I wouldn't even eat.

"Just think of how much your family is going to love it," Jeff said, trying to comfort me some more. It wasn't working that well, but I was in a much better mood than before I called him.

"I hate this part. Pumpkin and cream cheese just don't mix well," I said as I stirred the contents of my bowl.

"Obviously they do," Jeff imparted with a laugh.

"Very funny," I said cracking the eggs open and adding them to the mixture. "I think I just got an eggshell in it."

"Maybe I should let you go," Jeff said.

"No!" I said quickly. "Please? You are the _only_ thing that is keeping me sane right now."

It wasn't far from the truth. My first apple pie ended up burning slightly in the oven. I hadn't used the appliance in so long. This was the first time that I had been back to my apartment in almost two months. I was still getting used to all my slightly modern appliances. My apartment was far from being an ideal living condition. Yet it was perfect for a just out of college, new to the work force woman like me.

The oven was something that probably hadn't been updated since the disco era. The temperature fluctuated so you would have to constantly watch the food as it baked. If you didn't, it would probably end up like my apple pie: ruined. I ran out to the store early this morning and bought more ingredients and made another one. It was baking and seemed to be coming along okay.

Yet the pies were not the only thing that weighed heavily on my mind. They were just what I was taking my frustration out on. Adam's flight from Florida was delayed. He had no idea when he would be able to make it. He said that he would call as soon as he landed, but I couldn't help but be stressed that he wouldn't be able to get here.

"I'm not going anywhere," Jeff said reassuringly.

"Thank you," I muttered softly as I added the final ingredients and tried mixing them together. The butter wasn't as soft as it should have been and was clumping. I tried to use some of my new wrestling muscles to mix it better. That only caused the phone to slip from underneath my chin and fall right into the bowl.

"Ew," I said as I picked up the pumpkin covered phone. I wiped it gently with a paper towel and could hearing Jeff saying something. I quickly hit the speaker phone button on the side of the phone.

"…alright?" At least I caught the end of his question.

"I didn't catch all that. I was too busy dropping the phone in the bowl," I said as I looked down at the orange paste deciding what to do.

"Nothing is working for you today is it?" Jeff asked with a laugh. I made a frustrated, mocking laughing face at the phone knowing that Jeff couldn't see me.

"What should I do?" I groaned as I leaned on the counter near the phone. His laughter filled my ears and even though I should be annoyed, it actually made me feel a little better.

"It's not that big of a deal. Just make the pie," Jeff said.

"That is such a guy answer," I said sarcastically. "My phone fell into it."

"And no one knows but you. And it's not like it's contaminated with disease or something like that." I laughed and decided that he was right. I really didn't have time nor ingredients to make another batch. I would just steer all the family members I liked away from it. I'll leave it for my annoying cousin Drew. God, I hope he doesn't come this year.

"You're right… _as always_. I guess I am just overreacting," I said as I started to stir the somewhat tainted contents of the bowl.

"Just a little," Jeff said. I finished stirring the contents of the bowl quickly. "Remember to check on the other one."

I had totally forgotten about the apple pie. I scurried over to the stove and looked inside. It looked golden-brown enough to be considered done in my eyes. I grabbed the potholders and pulled the scalding hot pan out of the oven.

"Thank you so much! Another few minutes and it too would have been ruined," I told Jeff as I set the cooling pie down.

"Don't mention it."

"I _will_ mention it because you, Jeffery Nero Hardy, are officially the saviour of Thanksgiving… at least for me," I said with a smile.

"And that's all that matters," he said softly into the phone. I froze in my spot when he said that. I didn't know what to say in return. What could I say? Luckily, I think Jeff understood the reason for my silence and decided to just move along the conversation.

"So you baking the pumpkin now?" he asked with a small nervous cough. I shook my head to get myself back into the right state of mind. His comment had thrown me and I wasn't sure why. We were friends… friends say stuff like that all the time. Don't they? Yeah, I will just go with that explanation.

"I have to bake the crust a little first," I answered as I pulled the doughy pan from the refrigerator and popped it in the oven. "I hate baking."

"You don't hate it. You just need to get a new oven," Jeff said with a laugh. I laughed with him and sat down on the counter. I picked up the phone and held it in my hands. It was still pretty messy so I decided against taking it off speaker. It's not like he seemed to mind.

"So you still going to Beth's tonight?" I asked.

"Yeah, we're trying to get back to the way things were now that she dumped the other guy," he said. I could tell by his tone that he was still a little upset over the whole relationship. I tried to be there for him the best I could, yet I really didn't know every little detail. I hadn't known Jeff when he had dated her so it was hard to give advice like '_you were so happy when you were with her_' or '_she's perfect for you_'. I didn't know if that was the truth.

"Is your family going too?" I asked as I checked on my pie crust. Never could be too cautious with this stove.

"Matt's in New York with Ash, but my dad's coming," he said. Since Beth and Jeff had dated so long, it only made sense that Jeff's family would be invited as well. They_ were_ practically family.

"Sounds fun," I said as I pulled the crust from the stove carefully.

"Fun? Not so sure… interesting would probably be a better word. Her family blames me for the break-up and all the shit that happened before and after. Not really looking forward to it," Jeff answered. I finished spreading the disgusting mixture haphazardly in the crust while thinking about his situation.

It would be very awkward. Even though Beth and Jeff were trying to work through the problems that they still had in their relationship, the families were involved too. Jeff said that his dad was supportive of anything that would make his son happy and stable. I don't know if anything could make Jeff stable, but maybe she could give him the happiness he deserved.

"At least I won't be the only one who has a shitty Thanksgiving… not to already put a damper on your time… I'm sure it will be great," I said trying to quickly cover up my cynicism. I put the pie in the oven and the beautiful sound of Jeff's laughter filled my ears.

"You are _not_ going to have a shitty Thanksgiving. The pies are almost done and Adam will show up," Jeff said.

"Even if Adam shows, do you know how awkward dinner is going to be?" I asked going back to sit near the phone. "I haven't seen my family since I left and with the exception of my father, none of them knew that I was… was trying to become a wrestler," I said quickly as I almost got too into my rant that I almost divulged some private information.

"I wish I could see their faces when you two walk through the door," Jeff said with a laugh.

"You are so not helping anymore," I said with a small laugh as I began to pace around my small kitchen.

"It's just dinner. I would think you would be more nervous about Sunday than a family function," Jeff replied. I stared wide-eyed at the phone. Survivor Series had totally slipped my mind. I don't know how that was even possible since that was the night that would decide my fate in the business. I had just been so preoccupied with baking, worrying, and a little more baking to think about it.

"Ugh, I totally forgot!" I said as I threw my head in my hands. Ew, pumpkin landed on my cheek. I hated baking.

"Don't sweat it. I was trying to get your mind off of other things… didn't mean any harm. You have no worries. You're gonna win," he said confidently.

"Been stuffing the ballot box?" I asked with a slight chuckle.

"Maybe," he said coyly. "And darlin', even if you don't win, you're gonna make it. You're too talented and driven not to." I smiled yet began to feel guilty all over again.

_Driven_? I wasn't really driven towards becoming a wrestler. I was driven to writing the best exposé anyone had every read. And _talented_? Sure, I had learned how to put a basic match together. Yet in my eyes, I was the same girl who didn't even know how to fall. It is a lot… and I mean _a lot_ harder than it looks.

"Thanks," I muttered softly.

"Cheer up. I hate seeing you… well _hearing_ you be so down and out," Jeff said. I smiled at his concern yet said nothing. I was too discombobulated with everything that was happening. "Remember what you told me once, when I was totally down on myself? You said that music can cure all… that in any situation, there was a song that could soothe your soul. Well? Practice what you preach."

I laughed slightly, surprised that he even remembered me saying that. It was during one of our first real conversations. He was feeling depressed and was listening to _Black_ by Pearl Jam. I told him that listening to music like that when you're depressed only adds to it. I mean, I love Eddie Vedder and the song is awesome, but it's not the happiest of tunes. Jeff said it was the song that really got him interested in music and I could understand why. Yet at that time… not the best choice.

I told him that music has the power to soothe the soul. It also could affect moods. Listening to a depressing song would do nothing yet listening to a more upbeat song, rocking out to a solid guitar solo, now _that _will make a difference. It worked for him, as I quickly put on my flavor of the week song _Beast and the Harlot _by Avenged Sevenfold. That was a good time.

"Nami? You still there?" I realized that I had been lost in my own thoughts that I forgot about our conversation.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"So… sing me something," Jeff said happily into the phone.

"That wasn't part of the deal," I said laughing at Jeff's proposition.

"Come on darlin'. You have a great voice," he said. How would he know? I never sang for him. "Bon Jovi, remember?"

I swear that Jeff could read my mind some times. He just knew exactly what I was thinking. He did hear me sing at Cyber Sunday with his brother. I had almost forgotten about that. I laughed into the phone and tried to think of something to sing.

"Check on the pie while you're thinking," Jeff said.

"Thanks dad," I said as I took his advice and looked in the stove. Everything looked okay. Still didn't mean that I was going to let many people eat it.

"Sing the first thing that comes to your mind." I laughed and shrugged my shoulders.

_"Oh, somebody kill me please!  
__Somebody kill me please!  
__I'm on my knees… pretty __pretty__ please!  
__Kill me!  
__I want to die!  
__Put a bullet in my head!"_

"Nice," Jeff muttered with a laugh.

"You said the _first _song. It was on last night," I said as I sat back down on the counter. I don't know if I put as much angst in my version as Adam Sandler had done in his, but it did alleviate some of my bad mood."But it did make me feel better."

"Me too," Jeff said joining in on my laughter. I looked over at the clock.

"Fuck! It's three already? Damn it, where is Adam?" To be at my aunt's house at six, we would need to leave by four thirty. I wanted to leave earlier because I would hate for it to seem like we were just coming for a free meal. The way this day was turning out though, we probably wouldn't make it on time, if at all.

"Remember to breathe," Jeff said jokingly. I wished he was here so I could whack him for that comment. I wished he was here so I didn't feel so alone and helpless.

"Are you sure that I'm not keeping you from something? I feel really bad," I said as I noticed that we had been talking for almost two hours.

"I'm all ready to go to Beth's. Unlike you, I have no responsibilities when it comes to dinner. They don't trust me enough." I was about to answer when there was a loud knock at my door. "Sounds like you have company."

I smiled brightly as I rushed out of the room. Adam was here… and I looked a mess. Yet it didn't matter anymore cause he actually made it. I threw open the door and smiled brightly.

"Ad..."

"Hello, Nami. Happy Thanksgiving!"

I frowned slightly as I looked down at my next-door neighbor's son.

"Happy Thanksgiving to you too," I told the young boy. He handed me a homemade card. I used to babysit him during college up until when I joined the WWE. I stared down at the card and smiled. He was such a cute kid, even if he wasn't exactly the person I had wanted to see.

"Thank you so much for the card Josh," I said as I knelt down as gave him a quick peck on the cheek. I would have given him a hug, yet I was covered in baking ingredients. I saw his mother standing in the doorway across the hallway and smiled.

"He watches you every Monday night," she said as Josh went back over to his room.

"Happy to see I have a fan. Have a great Thanksgiving," I told her as I went back into my apartment. I put the card on a shelf and walked into the kitchen.

"I take it that it wasn't Adam," Jeff said. I guess he heard me come in as I still had the phone on speaker.

"It was my next-door neighbor," I said sullenly.

"Pie," Jeff muttered with a laugh just as I was about to sit down. I quickly went over and looked in. Unlike the apple pie, it was harder to tell if this one was done. The only dough was the crust and it already looked golden brown. It was supposed to cook for fifty minutes, but with this stove that could mean thirty to ninety. You just never knew.

"How do you know if a pumpkin pie is done?" I asked Jeff as I continued to look inside at the cooking pastry.

"You are asking the wrong person," he answered with a laugh. "Don't you have a recipe that would tell you?"

"I'm doing it all from memory. It was my mother's recipe and my dad has the book," I said as I closed the stove once more. It didn't look like the consistency of the top matched all the way around yet so I took that to mean that it wasn't done.

"Oh," he answered. "I'm sure you're doing it right. You have made it before."

"I know. I just have seemed to space this time," I said. There was another knock at the door.

"Any more neighbors that could be visiting?" Jeff asked.

"Probably," I muttered as I walked toward the door in a huff. I unlocked the door and sighed as I pulled it open. I didn't get a chance to greet the newcomer. He quickly took me in his arms and brought his lips crashing down upon mine. I closed my eyes and got lost in the feel of his lips on mine. I was about to run my fingers through his hair, but thought better. We didn't have time for two showers.

"You made it," I said as we pulled apart.

"Was there ever any doubt?" Adam asked jokingly as we entered the apartment. I lightly kissed him once more before returning to the kitchen.

"Adam's here," I said as I walked over to the stove to check on pie. I was feeling great now. Adam was here. Everything else seemed trivial.

"Who you talking to babe?" Adam asked as he came into the kitchen and found that I was alone.

"Hey Adam," Jeff said in the happiest tone he could muster. I knew that they were never going to be close, yet I was happy that they could at least communicate with each other in a somewhat civil tone.

"Hey. Happy Thanksgiving," Adam said as he came up behind me as I was still checking out my pie.

"Yeah, you too," Jeff said. "Meemz, I better get ready for tonight. Call me tomorrow?"

"You leaving me? I might need someone to remind me to check on my pie," I said jokingly as I went back over to where my phone was lying.

"Adam can do it," he said curtly.

"Fine. But if it burns, it's on your head," I said with a laugh and I heard him chuckle in response. "I'll call you tomorrow. Have a great time tonight."

"You too darlin'," Jeff responded. I hung up the phone and turned back to Adam. He had an unreadable expression on his face, but I knew that it probably had something to do with Jeff.

"Do you know anything about pies?" I asked as I went back over to look inside the stove.

"Not really," he said as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Cause I have no clue if this done or not," I said. I looked up at him and he just shrugged.

"You are no help," I said as I playfully shoved him backwards.

"And Hardy was?" he asked in a somewhat bitter tone.

"Please, don't start," I said with a sigh. "I have had enough drama today and don't need any..."

"He likes you," Adam said cutting off the end of my statement.

"We're just friends," I said as I decided to just pull the pie out of the stove. I could care less if it was done or not.

"Yeah, Amy and I started out as _just friends_ and look what happened." I knew that he instantly regretted saying it as soon as it left his mouth. I dropped the pie unceremoniously down on the counter and spun around to stare at him.

"Don't go there," was all I told him as I brushed by and headed right for my shower. He really had no right to throw his and Amy's relationship in my face and say that that was going to happen with Jeff and I. Was he saying that I would betray him like Amy betrayed Matt? Oh, what a great way to start his visit.

I quickly took a shower making sure to get all traces of canned pumpkin from my hair. I dried my hair as quick as I could. I didn't know why I was rushing. Adam deserved to have to wait. I still couldn't get over what he had said. I knew that it was probably a Freudian slip, yet it hurt just the same. I pulled on my simple little black dress and strapped on some heeled sandals. I wasn't a huge fan of wearing heels, yet I needed to make up some of the height difference. Classic look with just the right amount of sex appeal. Even though I had to admit that as of right now, I could really care less what Adam thought of my outfit.

"Can I come in?" Adam asked softly as he opened the bedroom door a crack. I continued to apply light make-up at my vanity mirror and refused to answer. He opened the door and kept his hand over his eyes.

"Look, I am sorry for what I said. I know I was out of line. It's just…" he stopped talking and sighed. I swiveled around on my stool and looked at him. He still couldn't see me. "I know what it's like to think that you're only friends with someone. But then one day, you see them differently. You _feel _differently and you want to stop at nothing to be with them."

"Do you _seriously _think that I would do that to you?" I asked, breaking my silence. I stood up and advanced toward his form.

"No," he said softly. I reached up and took his hand away from his eyes.

"That's because I wouldn't," I said as he opened his eyes and looked down at me. I locked my arms around his neck and pulled him into an embrace. The affair did not only plague the Hardys still. It seemed that everyone involved was still somewhat bruised over what happened. I doubted that things could heal until they could all get together and talk things through.

"I know," he said as I pulled back to look into his eyes. "You look amazing."

"Flattery will get you nowhere," I said with a small laugh. "I'm still mad at you."

"It wasn't flattery. It was the truth," he said as he leaned down to kiss me. I dodged his lips and pulled away to walk back into the main part of the apartment. I went into the kitchen and started to cover both pies in aluminum foil.

"What do I have to do to make you see how sorry I am?" Adam asked as he came into the kitchen. I finished wrapping the pies and turned to look at him.

"I _know_ you're sorry," I said. "Yet that doesn't change the fact that you said it. I know that you and Jeff… don't cohabitate well with each other. But you_ both_ are going to have to learn to deal… especially if I win this damn competition."

"_When_ you win," Adam said as he walked over and took both of my hands in his.

"Happy to see that I have two people in my corner," I said smiling, thinking about Jeff and Adam's certainty about the outcome.

"You have more than that," he said. I leaned up and kissed him softly. I knew that I needed to get past what happened earlier if I wanted to enjoy his visit and the holiday.

"Are you ready?" I asked as I pulled back. His response was to lean down and capture my lips once more. I laughed slightly which gave him just the opening he needed to intensify it. All thoughts of Thanksgiving, baking, and Jeff fled from my mind. There was only Adam and I and knowing that everything would be okay.

* * *

"Everything is _not_ okay!"

"It's perfectly fine. It just sunk in a little."

I turned around to glare at Adam. We had finally arrived at my aunt's house and were getting ready to go inside. I was nervous enough about seeing everyone and everyone meeting Adam. And now, my apple pie was ruined… well, maybe not _ruined_ but the top had caved in. It crumbled across the top of the filling and looked like a disaster.

"A little?" I said as I tried to put it back upright.

"I told you not to unwrap it until we got inside," Adam said as he leaned against the car. I rewrapped the pie, sending glares his way. I got the other, probably underdone, pie out of the car and slammed the door in frustration.

"Calm down," Adam said soothingly as he came up behind me and rubbed my shoulders through my coat. I leaned my head back and looked up at him.

"You have no idea how nervous I am," I said with a small smile.

"You're nervous? What about me?" he asked with a laugh.

"You have nothing to be nervous about. I, on the other hand, am about to walk into the lion's den," I said as I picked up the apple pie off the trunk of the car. I kept thinking that everything would work out perfectly. Yet nothing seemed to be going right so far. I looked around at the cars and tried to gauge who would be in attendance tonight.

Of course there would be my Aunt Emily and her sons Nick and Tom. When my mother past away, she was the closest thing I ever had to a mother. While my father was at work, I would spend the afternoons at her place with my two cousins. Nick was three years older than me, meaning that I was either being protected by him or picked on. We never were that close as he had friends his own age. Tom, on the other hand, was like the brother I never had. We were very close as children, but grew apart during our teenage years. The drug lifestyle had consumed him and it took years for him to straighten himself out. Even now, I felt like there was always a chance he could slip back.

My father's car was also present. I hadn't seen him since the morning of my flight. It had almost been two months. I couldn't wait to see him. I really was the quintessential daddy's little girl. I also recognized two of the other cars yet didn't know which family members would be present from the families. This was going to be awkward and not because of Adam.

I had to go in and lie to my family.

"You ready?" Adam asked as he grabbed the other pie, continuing to rub comforting circles on my back with the other hand.

"No," I said with a laugh.

"Will you _ever_ be ready?"

"No," I said with a small pout. He laughed and dropped his hand from my back. He took my free hand in his and pulled me gently along.

"You have nothing to worry about," Adam said as we walked up the first few brick stairs. "You look stunning. Your pies are fine. And you have the sexiest man in the world on your arm."

"Modest much," I said with a laugh as we reached the door. I took a deep breath as Adam went and rang the doorbell. I heard scratching at the door.

"It's not a cat is it?" Adam asked.

"No, it's my aunt's dog Lily," I said with a smile as a bark could be heard emanating from behind the wood. Adam had told me that he was allergic to cats. I didn't know why he even needed to ask. Did he think that I would forget something that important?

"Lily! Calm down!"

"I think that's Nick," I murmured to Adam. He just nodded his head. I had prepped him in the car ride on who the potential family members present would be. Better safe than sorry.

"Mimi! Finally!"

I laughed as my cousin pulled me into a bear hug. I tried by best to keep the pie in my hand from being crushed. I used to think that he was a behemoth of a man standing at 6'1" and being of a pretty muscular build. Yet after my stay so far with the WWE and the fact that Adam stood four inches taller, my assessment has changed.

"Nick, this is Adam," I said as I turned around and gave Adam a smile. Nick stuck out his hand and Adam took it in a friendly shake.

"Nice to meet you," Adam said flashing his amazing smile. Okay, so far so good.

"You too," Nick said as they let go of their shake. He took the pies from both of us and walked towards the kitchen. Adam leaned down and started petting and talking to Lily. He was so adorable around animals. Not true... he was _always_ adorable.

"Where is everyone?" I asked as I entered a desolate living room. Adam rose and helped me out of my coat as he shrugged out of his own. Nick came back from the kitchen and saw Adam with the coats.

"Downstairs watching home movies," he said as he took the coats from Adam's grasp. "Escape while you can." Both Adam and Nick shared a laugh as Nick went up the stairs.

"Maybe we should escape," I said with a laugh as I turned to look at Adam. He laughed and grasped both of my hands in his. It was our way of showing closeness. It had been since the beginning.

"No escaping," he murmured. He leaned down and kissed all of my fears away.

"Ahem."

We both turned to see Nick giving us a look. I just prayed that he didn't try to be Mr. Protective. It's not like Adam is some punk kid from high school that only wants one thing from me. Besides, I would hope that maybe Nick would be a little intimidated by Adam to say anything.

"Nami!"

I turned and saw my Aunt Emily in the kitchen doorway. I ran over and threw my arms around her.

"Aunt Em! Happy Thanksgiving! I missed you so much," I said as she gave me a peck on the cheek.

"I missed you too, but of course I get to see you every week on the TV," she said with a smile.

"Yeah, speaking of which… Aunt Em, I want you to meet my boyfriend Adam," I said. Adam walked up and smiled. I smiled myself as it was the first time that I introduced him as my _boyfriend_. It felt nice.

"I think I notice this face," she said with a grin as she pulled him into a friendly welcoming hug.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Adam said as I took his hand in mine once Aunt Emily had let go.

"He's nothing like what you see on Raw," I said with a laugh. Nick just brushed past with a chuckle as he headed to the basement.

"I'm really just a big teddy bear," Adam said with laugh.

"I figured... with a face like that? Now, you two go downstairs and make yourself comfortable. Your father is dying to see you," she said as she went back to tend to the meal.

"So far so good," I whispered as I started down the first step. Adam just laughed slightly as we continued walking hand in hand into the basement. It wasn't like what most people would deem a basement to be. It was fully furnished space and served as a bigger version of a living room for large gatherings. I pushed open the door at the bottom of the stairs and was instantly assulted with many greetings. I immediately headed over to my father and gave him a huge embrace.

"Daddy! I missed you so much," I said, trying to keep myself composed. It was intense seeing him again after everything that had happened.

"I missed you too. How you holding up?" he asked as we pulled apart.

"I'm great," I said with a smile. He gave me a look as if he didn't believe me but I just waved it off. I looked over to the doorway and saw that Adam was nowhere to be seen. I walked back over to the stairwell.

"Hey! We don't get a greeting?" my cousin Drew shouted jokingly. I ignored him and looked in to find Adam.

"I thought you said you weren't nervous," I said with a grin.

"I'm not," he attested with a grin of his own. "I just thought you should greet them before they meet me." I smiled at his thought.

"Aw, so sweet," I said as I quickly leaned up and gave him a quick kiss. "But I want you next to me." He smiled and took my hand in his. We walked through the doorway hand in hand and a lot of the chatter died down.

"Everyone, this is my boyfriend Adam," I said smiling as Adam waved to everyone. "Alright, so introductions… this is my father Ben, my Uncle Bob, my cousin Drew, my Aunt Nancy, and my Aunt Roberta... whew." My father came over and shook Adam's hand. I walked over to greet a few of my other relatives and let them talk.

"He's Edge right?" Drew asked me as I went over to greet him.

"So you _do_ have eyes," I said sarcastically as he pulled me into a hug. "He doesn't act anything like his character if that's going to be your next question."

"So he didn't break up Matt and Lita?" he asked with a knowing look. I just glared at him and that was all the answer he needed to continue. "You sure you know what you are getting into?"

"Don't judge him until you know him," I said curtly as I turned on my heel and went back over to Adam, who was now talking with my Aunt Roberta.

"Sweetie, you look amazing," Aunt Roberta said as she gave me a hug.

"Thanks. It's great to see you," I said with a smile.

"You have quite a charmer here," she said to me. I looked up at Adam with a smile and Drew's thoughts were forgotten.

"Isn't he though?" I said as Adam retook my hand. She went back to her seat to continue watching the television.

"So everything okay?" I asked softly, looking up at him with a smile.

"Perfect," he said as he brushed the hair from my own eyes. "Your family's great."

"Can we turn the game back on?" Nick asked. He got a mixed response.

"You want something to drink?" I asked Adam as the two of us took the only seat left. I felt a little awkward sitting on his knee in front of my family, especially my father, but I was not about to sit on the rug in my dress.

"I'm good," he murmured as he turned toward the television.

"Oh no," I groaned as I noticed what video they were watching.

"Aunt NeNe! Watch!" a younger Nick yelled as he jumped into the small blow-up pool. My aunt moved the camera to a smaller pool where a young little girl splashed around. God, my hair was_ really_ short. I had just turned one, but still.

"Nami… wave!"

"That's you?" Adam asked. I just nodded my head as my baby self waved to my aunt behind the camera. "You're cute."

"Shut up," I muttered. He laughed slightly as he kissed me lightly on the neck.

"It's the truth," he said as we continued to watch. My cousin Nick continued to try and do different jumps into the few inches of water. Then it panned back to my smaller pool. I almost teared up as my mother came into the picture and helped me walk over to the bigger pool with my cousin.

"That's my mom," I said with a smile.

"She's beautiful. I see where you got your looks from," he said with a grin.

"My aunt's right. You are _too charming _for your own good," I said with a laugh as I turned around to look at him. He brought his lips to mine and gave me a soft kiss.

"Aunt NeeNee!" Nick yelled again on the screen.

"What was your mother's name?" Adam asked. I laughed as my young cousin really couldn't pronounce the name so it came out jumbled.

"Renée," I said with a smile yet my voice wavered. He just tightened his grip around me, knowing that I was going to be a little emotional. I watched as my younger self stood on my own and saw my cousin run by me. He knocked me down and I fell flat on my back, yet didn't cry.

"See? I didn't use my elbows there," I said with a grin. A few of my relatives turned to look at the two of us, as we laughed at the memory of one of our first meetings.

"Long story," I said as we turned back to the screen. The screen faded to black and Nick quickly popped up.

"Okay, time for football!" he exclaimed as he went and turned on the Dallas game. I groaned and Adam laughed.

"You don't like football?" he asked.

"I do, but not around them," I said as I watched the male members of the room settle into intently staring at the screen. "They try to one-up each other with how much useless sports trivia they have jammed into their brains. It gets tiresome after about ten seconds."

"Yo Adam. You a football fan?" Nick asked.

"I guess. Hockey is more my sport," he answered with a grin. My Uncle Bob immediately turned his way.

"What team?" he asked.

"Well, I may be from Toronto, but the Devils have always been my team." And that started it.

I knew that my uncle and Drew were huge Devils fans. That is pretty much all that my uncle's attire consisted of: Devils shirts. He was even wearing one now. The three of them fell into conversation about this year's team and their chances, their favorite players, favorite moment... Anything that you could think of to talk about having to do with the Devils, they did.

I sat there, on Adam's lap, and looked around the room. My two aunts were in discussion. It sounded like something to do with cooking, but I wasn't sure. My father and Nick were watching the Dallas game. And of course, Adam and the two other men were deep into their hockey discussion. I just kept quiet and enjoyed being around family again. Adam seemed to be fitting in perfectly with everyone. No one had any problems with him… well not counting Drew who is an ass to begin with.

"Dinner's ready!"

I was thankful to hear my Aunt Emily's voice emanating from upstairs. I got up off of Adam's lap and he rose as well. He and my uncle just headed up the stairs still deep in discussion over the effectiveness of Martin Brodeur. I sighed and went to follow.

"Nami, wait."

I turned toward Drew with a slight glare. I still wasn't over the comment that he had said earlier. I learned firsthand that it was better to get to know the person before you judge. I had to do it myself.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry… about before. Adam… seems like a really great guy. And damn, he's a Devils fan so he has to be okay in my book. Must have some sense," Drew said with a smile. I just slightly smiled and watched him walk up stairs. Soon it was only my father and I left.

"So how are you _really_ holding up?" he asked with a laugh.

"I'm really… sore, but other than that I'm fine," I said with a smile.

"And Adam?" I stared at him with a confused look on my face. "You two are _really_ dating? Not that there is anything wrong with that… it's just… you know that what you're doing is…" He didn't finish his thought as he was trying to be cautious of what he said.

"I know. I feel guilty about a lot of things that I am doing," I said with a sigh. "But I really like him… and I really like the friends that I have made."

"Then I am sure they will understand," he said with a smile as he pulled me into a hug. "He seems like a nice guy."

"He is," I said as we walked up the stairs.

"How long have you two known each other?" he asked. I smiled at his question.

"He was actually the first person I met in the company." I excluded my little mishap with Randy when I thought of people that I had met.

"Made you feel at home?" he asked as we made it to the dining area. I smiled as Adam stood up from his seat when he saw me appear.

"Something like that."

* * *

"So honestly, you had an okay time?"

"It was great. Honest. Your uncle and I are even going to try and catch a few Devils games when I come to town."

Adam and I were back at my apartment. It was a little after two, but neither of us were tired. It had been a long day and I knew that I should be exhausted. Yet I couldn't fully relax. We were both lying in my bed in our pajamas, trying to wind down.

"Glad to see that you're making plans to come to New Jersey that have nothing to do with seeing me," I said jokingly. Adam nipped at my neck which earned a shiver to run down my spine.

"Maybe that is because I plan on you being on the road… with me," he said with a mischievous glint in his eyes. He pulled me closer to him and sealed the distance with a kiss. I landed on top of him, my knees on either side of his body. I broke away from the kiss for air. Adam just moved his lips to my neck and began to kiss and suckle down its length. I was in absolute ecstasy.

"Adam," I moaned slightly as my eyes fell closed in bliss.

Adam ran his hands along my back as my lips once again found his. My heart began to beat rapidly and I hoped that he couldn't hear. I was a little nervous that we were taking this too fast. I knew that if I stopped it he would understand. He said before that he didn't want to rush me into anything.

I knew that I should say something, especially when Adam ran his hand up underneath my tank top. My eyes opened and went slightly wide yet I couldn't verbally respond. My tongue was a little busy at the moment. I pushed back a little, but Adam kept his one arm locked on my back, keeping me in place. His hand trailed up and over my stomach and moved its way higher.

"Adam, stop," I moaned out as I pulled my mouth away from his. I rolled off of him and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry," Adam said softly as he sat up and put a hand on my shoulder. I stared ahead and thought about what I was doing. My father was right. What would happen if we continued this relationship and the truth was revealed? He would know that I had been lying to him for months. What would he think of me? I couldn't think those thoughts now. I cared about Adam and it was obvious that he cared about me. Come what may, I would try and make things work. "I know… I know I was moving a little fast, but… I just…"

I turned back around and pulled him into a fiercely passionate kiss. He was taken off guard yet soon reciprocated the action. Nothing else needed to be said. Clothes were quickly discarded and strewn across the room. Our kiss seemed to be never-ending as he laid me back and adjusted his weight to his arms over top. He pulled away and leaned back looking at my totally exposed body.

"You're beautiful," he muttered softly. He leaned back down and kissed me on my lips. Yet it only last for a brief moment before he moved his lips down. He kissed his way down my neck before going lower. No place was safe from Adam and his luscious lips. They worked their magic on me and made me forget about any regrets I could ever had. And after a few minutes of teasing and torture, he brought his face so it was level with mine.

"Are you sure about this?" he murmured softly as he stared down at me, hungry lust shinning in his eyes. I tried to form some coherent sound yet nothing would come. I nodded my head and looked at Adam with eyes that reflected the same hunger as his. He smiled and brought his mouth to mine as he slowly entered me. The increasing pressure and fullness made my back arch from the bed.

Our coupling was fast and passionate. There were no words that needed to be said. Everything was just raw, fiery, and lustful. There was nothing slow and steady about it as I clenched the sheets in anticipation of what was to come. I opened my eyes to look into the ones of my lover. I moved my hands from the sheet to cling to his back. Our eyes locked as I felt myself release all of the tension in my body.

"Adam!"

I panted and moaned as he continued our lovemaking as his own climax was approaching. I brought my head to his neck and lightly nipped at the flesh. That was enough to send him over the edge. I moaned along with him as I felt myself tense once more from the intensity of his climax. He brought his lips down upon mine and we kissed as our bodies came down from our post-orgasmic bliss.

Adam rolled to the side and pulled me next to him. I wrapped one arm behind him while draping the other over his sweaty chest. He tugged the sheet up and over our bodies as we stared into each other's eyes.

"You're amazing," he murmured as he kissed my neck. I smiled back at him and rested my head on his shoulder.

I shut my eyes and thought about all that had happened today. With thoughts of frustration and passion running a mile a minute, it was amazing that I was able to find peace. Yet here in Adam's arms, I knew that I was safe and loved. Nothing could take that away. It didn't matter if I lost the competition. It didn't matter if I never got my story. All that mattered was the two of us and the feelings that we shared.


	21. For Just One Second I Felt Whole

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer as I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. The lyrics in this chapter belong to Evanescence. Thank you to everyone that has been reading and has reviewed. "Farra Sti", "Fozzy-Floozy", and "Ramihel", thank you for your reviews for the last chapter. :-) Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

"Are you nervous?"

I turned away from the mirror to look at Carly with an incredulous frown. I didn't think the question even needed a verbal answer as it was quite obvious. She just shrugged as I turned back around and continued to fix my hair. Tonight was the night that would decide my fate in this industry… well, more along the line of the fate of my story. I sometimes forget that this experience is not about finding a job, but _succeeding_ in my job.

"Have you seen Ev today?" Carly asked.

"Nope. I actually just got here an hour ago. There was an accident on ninety-five so traffic was horrible," I responded.

Since Survivor Series was in Philadelphia, I just drove the hour and a half distance from my apartment. The past few days at home had gone by at such a slow speed. It felt like it was two years since I had seen Adam last and it was only _two days_.

He had to leave early Friday morning for a live event. I wasn't in the cheeriest of dispositions when he left. Not because he did anything wrong, it was about everything that he did right. I barely got any sleep Thursday night so I could hardly remember him leaving the next morning. We talked on the phone since but it wasn't the same anymore. Now that we had crossed the point of no return in our relationship, by taking it to the ultimate level of physical intimacy, just hearing his voice on the phone didn't sate me. I always wanted more.

"Your phone's chiming," Carly said as she pulled it from my purse. "New message from John."

I turned around and took the phone from her hand. I flipped it open to see what the Champ had written:

_Good luck tonight Nam!_

It was short and sweet. I was touched that he had actually sent me a message. I guess that I wasn't just seen as _Adam's girlfriend_ to him. I smiled and typed a short reply:

_Thanks! Good luck to you too, even though I know you don'__t need it__:-)_

I flipped my phone shut and looked back at my reflection. _What was I doing?_ The Nami who entered this contest practically kicking and screaming was no longer staring back at me. I had changed a lot in such a short amount of time. I had grown up a lot, even though most of the time, I felt like I was acting like an overgrown child.

Even though I had been living on my own since college, it didn't always feel like it. I was so close to my family that at times, it felt like I had never left. Yet for this competition, I had to leave my secure, stable life and enter the topsy-turvy world that is pro-wrestling. Nothing is ever truly secure as you never know if your next day could be your last. And I don't just mean competition wise.

"What did Cena have to say?"

"He wished me good luck," I said as I made sure that my makeup looked perfect.

"Sounds like someone is taking sides," Carly said with a laugh. "What happened to the guy who said that he was going to stay impartial?"

I shrugged my shoulders and turned to look at my friend.

"Don't know what to tell you," I said glumly.

"Are you alright? You seem… I don't know, a little distant?" Carly said with concern in her tone.

"It's nothing," I said after a few moments of silence. "I… I'm just a little nervous."

"Understandable," she said with a nod. "Well, I am going to see if I can track down Ev. See you later hun." I waved goodbye as she left the small dressing room. Di, Evelyn, and I all had separate small rooms to get ready for tonight. We were specifically instructed not to leave the rooms unless told. We weren't supposed to have visitors as well. Yet the other seven finalists of the competition had come back for the announcement and had stopped by to visit.

Carly was on to something when she said that I seemed distant. Everything was going to end tonight. What if I did win? My assignment was to infiltrate _the Diva Search_ and write an exposé on it. Well, after tonight the Diva Search will be completed. And even though I have trained to be a wrestler, it is not my job. I can't keep living this dream forever, because it's not mine.

I talked with Mr. Williams, my _actual _boss, yesterday and he was excited to see how my story would end. That gave me little hope that this would continue on past tonight. I had never really thought of it before. Everyone I talked to in the company said that even if I didn't win, I was sure to be offered a contract. Adam said that he would personally go to Vince and recommend it, not like that would do any help. I was a nice thought though. Was I just leading them all on? My boss wanted me back after this. My story would be complete. And my masquerade would have to end.

_"Holding my last breath,  
__Safe inside myself…"_

"Well if it isn't my favorite TNA superstar," I exclaimed into the phone.

"Heh… glad to see I'm at the top of something," Jay said from the other end. "Just calling to see how you're holding up. You ready for tonight?"

"Honestly, I'm not," I said with a laugh. "I never really thought about it ever being over… well until a few minutes ago when the actual monumentally of this night hit me."

"You're gonna win Nam. And if not, you have a guaranteed job at TNA I can assure you," Jay said with a laugh of his own.

"Remember that contract I signed at the beginning?" I posed. "Yeah well, it pretty much states that even if you don't win, you can't wrestle for another company for a whole year. So next October, I'll be free."

"Well… don't worry. You'll win." I smiled and was about to respond when my phone beeped, signaling another call. I pulled the phone away and saw that it was Adam.

"Hey Jay, Adam's calling…"

"I see I am being left for_ the boyfriend_. I understand," he said with mock distress in his tone.

"I'll stay on the line, but if Adam finds out that I ditched him for his best friend, he will have a few words for you," I said as my phone continued beeping, alerting me to the other call.

"I see your point. Call me after the show?"

"Of course. I'll talk to you later," I said as I quickly disconnected the line to catch Adam. Too bad I took to long. I quickly found Adam's number and dialed it.

"Ignoring your boyfriend?" Adam asked in a playful tone.

"Sorry, I was on the phone."

"With?" he asked in the same tone.

"Someone's a little nosy. But if you must know, I was on the phone with my secret lover," I said with a mischievous smirk on my face.

"Oh really? And who pre tell may that be?" he asked with a laugh.

"It wouldn't be a secret if I told you now would it?"

"Okay, as fun as this is, I was calling to find out where the hell you are," he exclaimed in mild frustration.

"In my dressing room. Not allowed to leave though… and no I can't have visitors," I said before he could even ask. Having Carly and some of the other girls come by was one thing. If I was caught with an actual WWE Superstar in my room, it probably wouldn't bode well with management.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me. I am going to see my girlfriend before she goes out in front of millions of people and is crowned the Diva Search winner," Adam said, his smile shining through his tone. I smiled when he said the word _girlfriend_. I know that it sounded so juvenile, but my heart fluttered every time he said it. I was actually dating Adam Copeland.

"I'll see what I can do babe, but I can't make any promises," I said with a laugh trying to ease some of his frustration. I knew it wouldn't work, but it was worth a shot.

"You can do _something _right now by telling me how to get to your room," he offered.

"Sorry. I can't risk you getting in trouble."

"I'll take my chances. I want to see you." I broke out into a big grin at my boyfriend's comment. He really would risk getting caught if it meant that he could see me for a few minutes. I knew that I should tell him, but I just couldn't do it. He had a really good thing going right now in the company. I doubted that management would give him anything but a slap on the wrist. Still, I didn't want to take anything for granted.

"I know. I want to see you too. But I still have to get rea…"

"Excuses, excuses," Adam muttered from the other end with a laugh. "Fine, don't tell me. It doesn't _mean_ that I'm going to give up. I'll just look through all the janitors' closets and I am bound to find you."

"Very funny," I said, recalling one of the first times that we really spent time together. "Please babe, just get ready for your match tonight. We'll see each other soon enough."

"You better not have any plans for tonight," Adam said, thankfully changing the topic from my present location. "I sort of have a little _private_ celebration planned."

"Private huh?" I asked in a playful tone.

"Very exclusive. Only you are invited," he said in the same lustful tone as my previous statement.

"I see," I said. "I can't wait… but I really should finish getting ready. I miss you."

"If you missed me so much, you would tell me where I can find you," he said with a slightly perturbed chuckle.

"It's not going to work no matter how many times you ask Mr. Copeland. I'll talk to you later," I said.

"Yeah, hopefully sooner than you think Ms. Shepherd," Adam said in a determined tone.

"Adam, please…" But it was too late as he had already disconnected. I would just have to deal with things as they happened. I needed to get changed into my dress. I hadn't worn it since my university's commencement. Yet it was the nicest dress I owned. As I went to pull the sea foam silk from the hanger, my phone chimed.

"New message from Jeff."

I smiled and flipped the phone open to read his message:

_Did you forget about my surprise?_

I stared blankly at the phone. It had totally slipped my mind. With Thanksgiving and then all of my concerns about tonight, I didn't even think about the fact that Jeff said he had a surprise for me. Just as I was about to write a reply, I received another message from him.

_Come __to locker room __4._

I knew I couldn't go. I was supposed to stay here. Besides, I still had to get ready. I stared at the message, feeling my wonderment get the better of me. I needed to know what the surprise was. I dug through my bag and found a hooded sweatshirt. I quickly threw it on and pulled the hood over my hair. I didn't like the way it looked anyway even though I had spent twenty minutes on it. I then pulled out a pair of sunglasses and put them over my eyes.

I opened the door a little and looked in the hallway. It was clear. I quickly slipped out and hustled to the end. I turned down the slightly bigger passage and looked at the door to my immediate right: 1. At least I knew that I was in the right area. I rushed by the next two doors and came upon my destination. Just as I was about to knock, I heard the door next to me open.

"I'll be back in a few minutes."

Adam! I quickly opened the door to the dressing room and went inside.

"Excuse me, I think you might have the wrong room."

I didn't know who the speaker was, but I saw Jeff sitting on the bench lacing his boots.

"Um, Jeff?" I asked with a slight waver in my tone.

"Meemz?" I then realized the reason for everyone's stares. I pulled the glasses off and put the hood down.

"I'm not supposed to be out," I said with a small laugh gesturing to my clothes, as everyone's eyes were still fixed on me. Jeff got up from the bench and pulled me into a hug. He let go and I was immediately picked up from behind and swung around.

"So how does it feel to be the next Diva Search winner?" Shannon asked as he finally put me down. I put my hand up to my head and tried to steady myself.

"I haven't won yet," I said with a laugh.

"You will," Matt said as he came up to give me a hug of his own.

"I'm getting a lot of that today." I turned and saw that I still had another set of eyes on me.

"Oh shit. Sorry 'bout that. Nami, this is Shane," Matt said.

"Nice to meet you," I said as he came over and gave me a hug as well.

"So you're the girl that I have heard oh so much about," Shane said with a laugh. I just chuckled and smiled. I was about to finally say something when my cell phone chimed from my sweatshirt's pocket. I pulled it out expecting it to be from Adam.

"New message from Randy."

I gave the phone a questioning glance before opening it to read the message:

_Has your boyfriend in theory found you yet? Tell him to get his ass back here._

I rolled my eyes at the message and turned my attention back to the others. I noticed that they were all watching me.

"It was from Randy," I said looking toward Jeff.

"You and Legend Killer?" Shane asked with a laugh.

"God no!" I exclaimed. "Don't even think such a thought." I went to put the phone back in my pocket, yet Shannon swiped it from my hand.

"Hey!"

"Chill Meemz, just adding my number," he said with a laugh. Jeff came over and took my hand in his.

"You want your surprise now?" he asked.

"Of course!" I shouted with huge smile on my face as I remembered the reason I had come. He laughed and brought me over to a black bag. He nodded his head, signaling me to open it. I smiled at him and ripped open the black plastic. I gasped when I saw what I had revealed. It was a knee length dress in bright warm colors. The main fabric of the dress was pink, which was overlapped with transparent orange, then transparent yellow. It might sound tacky, but it wasn't. It was beautiful.

"I made it myself," he said with a grin.

"You made this?" I asked as I turned to look at him.

"Matt helped a little," Jeff said with a laugh as I reached out and felt the silky fabric. I turned back to him and pulled him into a huge embrace.

"It's amazing. I love it… thank you," I said as I pulled back and gave him a quick peck on the lips. I looked back at the _Jeff Hardy original_ and smiled. It looked like it was the perfect fit too. I knew that even if I didn't win, I was going to go out with a bang tonight.

"Shit! Jeff, we were supposed to be at the meeting ten minutes ago," Matt exclaimed. I turned toward Jeff and gave him one last kiss, this time on the cheek. As he and Matt left to go to their Team DX meeting.

"Put it on Meemz," Shannon said as he handed me back my phone. I looked at him with a questioning glance yet he pointed to the side bathroom. I nodded and took the dress into the room. I stripped out of my clothes and pulled the dress over my head. It was a little snug in some places but as soon as I looked in the mirror, I knew it was perfect. The wavy colors blended yet kept their individual hues. It was trult amazing. It even matched my pink flip flops that I was wearing. I ran my fingers through my hair to fix what the sweatshirt had flattened. Everything was perfect.

"Wow… you look… wow," Shane said as I came out. I did a little twirl for the two men.

"Thanks… well, I better get back before I get myself and you guys in trouble. Tell Jeff thank you again for me," I said as I walked to the door. I hated to just leave, but I didn't know when I would be needed.

"You bet. Congrats again on your win," Shannon said with a wink. I just shook my head and left the room. I totally forgot about being cautious yet luckily the people in hallway didn't seem to care. I went back to my dressing room. It didn't look like I missed anything. I put my old clothes in my bag and put my heels on. They looked great with the dress even though they were silver. I smiled once more as I looked at my reflection. Once again, Jeff Hardy was able to brighten my spirits. I was going to miss him so much. I just prayed that he would understand. I prayed they _all_ would.

I looked at the clock: 7:30. The announcement of the winner of the Diva Search was coming after Lita's final match. That match was scheduled as the halfway mark of the broadcast. I did have a lot of time to kill. After seeing Jeff, I felt bad about neglecting Adam. He was my boyfriend and I really wanted to see him. This was my last night. And like I said, I needed to go out with a bang. I decided that I would take the consequences, if there were any, and I left to head to his dressing room. It was a good thing that I saw him leaving earlier. I wanted to be a surprise.

I made it back to the locker rooms and stopped in front of his door. I took a deep breath and knocked. It only took a few seconds before Randy opened the door.

"You clean up well."

"Thanks," I said sarcastically as he stepped aside and let me in the room. I felt his eyes still roaming over my body as I walked past him. I wonder how his fiancé would feel about that.

"Nam, damn girl… you look stunning," John said as he came over and embraced me.

"You don't look so bad yourself," I said as I tilted his hat lower over his eyes.

"I thought you told Copeland you couldn't leave?" Randy asked with a smirk as he took a seat on a bench. Leave it to Randy to try and start trouble.

"Yes well, I figured I haven't really followed the rules the whole time I have been here. Why start now?" I answered with a laugh.

"That a girl," John said as he lightly massaged my bare shoulders.

"Speaking of which, where is Adam?" I asked, looking around and finding him M.I.A.

"Still looking for you," Randy said with a grin. I couldn't believe that he was actually taking time to really search for me. He must really care about me. My guilty feelings were beginning to resurface. What was I doing do these people?

"Now I feel bad," I said with a mock pout, yet was really feeling it on the inside.

"He'll be back any minute. He's been gone awhile," John said with a reassuring smile. "So… you look a little nervous?"

"Well, duh," I said slapping him lightly on the shoulder. John always could take my mind of things that were bothering.

"You have nothing to be nervous about," John said.

"Yeah, all you have to do tonight is go out there and smile. We actually have to work," Randy imparted. I turned to him with an icy stare. I know that it was just Randy being Randy, but it was becoming a little too much.

"You know…"

"Fuck!"

I stopped speaking as a frustrated Adam came storming through the door. I smiled and laughed as I saw how irritated he was by the fact he couldn't find me. He looked up and saw me and his frown disappeared.

"I should hate you right now, but…" Adam never finished his statement as our lips met in a kiss, oblivious to the people around us. That was how it always was with Adam. The world faded around me and it was just him..._ just him_.

"So I guess the _in theory_ has been dropped from the title," Randy said with a chuckle. Adam and I pulled away from each other. I had totally forgotten about that.

"Yeah, it has," I said as he ran his fingers through my tousled hair. I closed my eyes and leaned my head into the sensation.

"You look so beautiful," Adam said as he pulled me back in for another kiss. It wasn't as passionate and world spinning as the first. Yet it still left me breathless.

"Thanks," I said with a smile. "Jeff made it for me." Yet I regretted opening my mouth as soon as the words left. Not the best thing to tell your boyfriend, that another guy is giving you presents.

"Who knew Hardy was a seamstress," Randy scoffed from his seat. I turned and sent him a glare. He was really irritating me to no end. Usually I could take it. Tonight I wasn't in the mood. This was my last night and I wanted everything to be perfect. My ending _needed_ to be perfect.

"Don't pay any attention to him," John said. I smiled at him and turned my attention back to Adam.

"As much as I would love to stay, I need to be getting back," I said. Adam gave me a small pout yet soon broke out into a huge grin.

"Okay, I wouldn't want my baby to get in trouble," he said as he ran his fingers along my collarbone and up my neck.

"I'll see you all later," I said as I leaned up and gave Adam one last kiss before leaving the room. I stealthy made it back to my room. Just as I was about to fix up my make-up, as my lipstick looked a little less vibrant as before, I was called for a meeting. Perfect huh?

The meeting was long and I didn't really pay attention to a word of it. I was too emotional to listen. None of the information pertained to me anyway. As soon as this night was over, either a winner or a loser, it would end the same. It would be the end.

"Now, let's get you girls to the curtain."

With that Mike, Di, Ev, and I left the office and headed to the gorilla position. This was it. In a few minutes, the Diva Search would be over. I couldn't believe it, but I actually wished that I could go back to training in the house. Anything if it meant that I could spend some more time here. Adam was right the first day we met. This company was like a family; a family that I had grown to love.

I watched the monitor as Mickie James pinned Lita to win the Women's Title. I thought that it wasn't right that she was not allowed to go out a champion. Amy and I may not be the closest of friends, if you could even consider us friends at all, but she was one of the best woman wrestlers this company ever had. She should have been allowed to go out at the top of her division, not losing to someone who has been in the company for a little over a year. See, I _have_ brushed up on my knowledge. Too bad it's my last day.

We watched on the screen as Lita was humiliated in front of the crowd by a tag team I still didn't recognize.

"This is horrible," Ev said as we watched.

"I know," I muttered. This was definitely something that would have to be written about. I couldn't believe that _this _was the send off she was getting from a company that she gave her blood, sweat, and tears to for so many years. I just shook my head and couldn't watch the screen anymore.

After a few more moments of the _Ho-Sale_, the segment ended. Finally... it was beyond repulsive to watch. A pre-recorded interview with Batista came on and we were given the signal to go out and into the ring.

"Let's go ladies," Mike said as he pushed the curtain open.

"This is it," Ev said as the three of us turned to look at each other. Even though it had been a tense few weeks for the group, it was sad to know that this was ending. Through the highs and the lows, we were still a group. Now, it was all going to change.

"Ladies!" Mike said again as he popped his head back through the curtain. We all sighed and followed him out onto the stage. I looked around at the crowd and smiled as we walked down and into the ring.

"Someone's life is about to change forever," Mike said into the microphone as the spotlight was on our congregation in the middle of the ring. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This was it. All of the hard work… all of the bruises… all of the pain… all of the love. And it was about to end.

"It's time to find out who's the winner of the 2006 quarter of a million dollar WWE Diva Search."

I felt my heart beating a mile a minute in my chest. This _really _was it. It had been on my mind all night and it was here. I just hoped that everyone would understand. I just hoped that everything could stay the same even though I knew it wouldn't. A once in a lifetime opportunity was ending and I felt a tear slide down my cheek in regret for what could never be.

"And the winner is…"


	22. Interlude: Did You Know I Miss You?

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own anything that has to do with the WWE and its Superstars. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed. Big tanki-tankis to last chapter's reviewers: "XtremeGirl619", "Fozzy-Floozy", "WWEAngel", and "Farra Sti". This chapter is back in the present thus some things are written in present tense. Also, this chapter may come across somewhat confusing. That's sort of the point but it will become much clearer by the end of the story. It's like "Wuthering Heights" where the beginning makes much more sense after the novel has been read. So yeah, if you are a little confused, do not be alarmed. And if you do understand everything, good job:-) Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

So Di ended up winning the Diva Search. I went on to write my story and it got dropped before it even had a chance to be printed. It wasn't _controversial _enough for Mr. Williams and he ended up firing me. I didn't have the _edge_ he was looking for. He didn't want any soft writers on his staff. All of the friends that I had made in the company wanted nothing to do with me. When I declined the contract, it made them think that I thought I was better than them. Like I wasted_ everyone's_ time. Jeff never said another word to me. He was too hurt that I never could confide in him after always saying that we had no secrets. And Adam…

Wait a minute!

Just a minute!

No, no, no, _no_! There is no reason to think any of those thoughts. I damn sure had thought about them enough. None of that happened. Even if at times, I wished they had. Then maybe I wouldn't be in the position I was in now.

I actually won the Diva Search. I know, I know… boo, hiss. It sounds too perfect and predictable but it really happened. I couldn't believe it when Mike called my name and my picture flashed up on the Titantron. Tears streamed down my face and I felt like I had accomplished the impossible.

I saw Adam and Jeff right after the announcement as they were getting ready to go out for their match. Again, they both acted civil toward each other, even though I could see some flames of contempt in both of their eyes. I was happy and forgot all about my eventual and up incoming departure. I mean why should I have dwelled on the negative? Even Randy seemed _genuinely_ congratulatory toward me.

And my night didn't end there. Adam and I had our own celebration back in his hotel room. At first, I was totally lost in everything that was happening; falling deeper and deeper into all of the amazing emotions that the night had brought out. Yet as I lied in his arms as we wound down from the immaculate passion we had just shared, the guilt set in. I didn't want to have a relationship that was based on lies. Yet at least for the moment, I had no choice.

I knew that if I wanted to have any peace that night, I needed to tell Adam something. Anything as long as it would ease my pain. So as he was falling into his own private dreams, I snuggled closer to him and whispered in his ear:

_"You were right."_

I knew he heard me as he just smiled and pulled me closer to him, if that was even possible. Yet I also knew that he didn't understand my statement. He most likely thought that I meant that he was right about me winning the competition and getting the contract. He had been saying it all night. But what I meant was much deeper... I meant that he was right about me. From the very beginning, he said that I was different… that I had a different motive for being in the company. He never knew how right he actually was… until now.

"Coffee?"

The voice broke me from my thoughts.

"You _do_ realize that this is probably not the best time," I tell him with a laugh as I turn to look his way. He just laughs and hands me the Styrofoam cup filled with the bitter liquid.

"Vince is talking. It'll be awhile," he says with laughter, before taking a sip from his own cup.

"Can I ask you something?" I ask softly.

"You just did," he says with another laugh.

"Seriously... when you found out, about all this, how did _you_ feel about it?" I ask him. He shrugs and leans against the wall.

"Honestly?" he asks and I just nod. "I thought it was hilarious. Under their noses the whole time and no one knew. You must've been sneaky. I sometimes wished I was there just to see it... see if I could have figured it out."

"Speaking of which... how _would _you have felt if you were still there? If we had become friends during that time?" I ask as I put the cup down on a table. I'm too nervous to drink anything.

"Can't really say," he says as he runs his hand through his hair. I turn away from him to look at a monitor, showing the action live on the stage. It was just like old times… watching the monitor from backstage. Waiting to go out in front of the millions of fans.

"You're no help," I mutter with a small smile. I feel his hand on my shoulder and turn to look into his eyes.

"Let me tell you a story," he says, as I roll my eyes. "Hey! I am trying to be helpful here! Sheesh… anyway, this story stars a tall, blond Canadian and a short, bookish, brunette."

"I am not bookish," I mumble.

"Who says that the story is about you? Someone is a _little _egotistical," he says sarcastically with a laugh. "Anyway, these two people met one day when the sexy Canadian had a meeting with his publisher. They locked eyes and immediately the woman knew that she had been found out. After all of the months of hiding, in one glance, her world crumbled. Yet the handsome man had no intentions of revealing her secret. He found it… _ballsy_ that someone would subject themselves to that lifestyle for anything other than wrestling."

"Does this story have a point?" I ask with a laugh.

"A little impatient, are we?" he asks with a grin. "Yes… there is a point. From the moment that we met, I mean really met not just that awkward stare thing we had going for a while, I knew that you were the girl that I had heard about. You may think that you deceived everyone to such an extent that you can't repair things. But I think you're wrong."

He pulled me to him and wrapped me in his strong arms.

"Actually, I _know_ you're wrong."

"That makes _one_ of us," I say as I pull back.

"Ms. Shepherd, you have thirty seconds."

I turn toward the tech worker with a frown. And I thought that I was nervous at Survivor Series. That couldn't even compare to the feelings running through me now. Most prominent was the urge to run for the hills.

"You ready?"

"Ha," I say as I turn my attention back to my friend. "No. I'm thinking that I made a big mistake by coming here."

"No one is expecting you. They'll be too surprised to do anything," he says with a big grin on his face.

He was right. Everyone still thought that I was covering my new story: a backpacker's tour through Italy. Yeah, after being in the WWE, nothing sounds _that_ exciting. It was an interesting trip, yet nothing could be as exciting as my first real assignment. Cause little did I know at the time, but winning the Diva Search was only the beginning of my journey. One story had ended, but another one was about to begin.

"You better go." I smile at him and step out of his arms. I walk back to my position right behind the curtain. I take a deep breath and turn back around.

"Hey Chris… thanks."


	23. Please Don't Think That This Was Easy

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own anything that has to do with the WWE and its Superstars. Some of the dialogue is from the 11/27/06 Raw episode. Lyrics in the chapter belong to Incubus and Evanescence. Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed: "decemberunderground", "XtremeGirl619", "unlimited emerald0307", "Helen Tarnation", "Ramihel", and "Fozzy-Floozy"._

_Now, addressing the last chapter... it was more of an interlude into the next section. It makes sense to me because I know what's going to happen... or at least like to think I do. It was a little confusing, but it really doesn't matter yet. You can even forget that you read it if you want because this chapter picks up the day after Survivor Series. I hope everyone wasn't too confused that you lost interest as I promise that the coming chapters will be much more understandable. And eventually, that chapter will make sense. Thanks to everyone who has read. Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

November 27, 2006

_"Pardon me, while I burst into flames,  
__I've had enough of the world…"_

I groaned as I slowly opened my eyes. Damn cell phone. I should have turned it off last night yet I was too caught up in everything to remember. I pushed up off the mattress to get up yet Adam quickly secured his arms around my waist.

"Don't leave," he mumbled. I laughed and looked down at his groggy form.

"Babe, my phone…"

"Let it ring… or _play_… or whatever," he muttered while pulling me back down. "They can leave a message." I sighed and snuggled closer to him. I knew that he was right about the _leaving a message_ part. That was my boss's ringtone. I'm sure that he had a lot of things to discuss with me. I really didn't want to hear about them. All I wanted to do was enjoy the time I had with Adam.

As Adam fell back asleep, I couldn't help but just lie in his arms and watch him. He truly was beautiful. It was during these private moments that I could really see where _Edge_ ended and where _Adam_ began. As the sunlight shone from the window and lit our entangled forms, his blonde mane seemed to glow. It looked truly divine.

His grasp loosened as he rolled onto his side. I decided that now was my chance to see what Mr. Williams wanted to say. I sort of knew what it was, yet I needed to hear it for myself to truly believe it. I slowly rolled out of the bed and threw Adam's discarded shirt over my head. I walked to the dresser and retrieved my cell phone. There was no message, just a numeric text saying to call ASAP.

I stole one more glance at Adam before walking into the other room of the suite. I sat down and tried to get myself under control. I needed to sound calm, cool, and collected when I talked with Mr. Williams. He had no clue how much I was in over my head. I hit his number and put the phone up to my ear.

"Hachette Book Group, Edgar Williams speaking."

"Hello, Mr. Williams. It's Nami Shepherd," I said, my voice wavering because of the significance of this conversation.

"Ah, Ms. Shepherd. I see congratulations are in order," he said, pride shining through his voice. I smiled and went to say something. Yet he beat me to it. "I bet you have quite a story to tell."

"You don't know the half of it," I murmured into the phone with a slight laugh.

"So… what did you find out?" he asked. I opened my mouth to speak yet nothing came out. I had found out a lot, yet none of it was what I originally intended on finding. I laughed nervously into the phone.

"Well… you see, sir…"

"Babe, where'd you run off to?" Adam's voice emanated from the other room. I gasped and the phone almost fell from my grasp.

"Ms. Shepherd, I'm waiting," Mr. Williams said impatiently from the other end. I heard his words yet they didn't really sink in as Adam came walking into the room. He smiled at me and I felt the tears waiting to fall. My real life and my dream life were merging. I closed my eyes and composed myself enough.

"I'm going to have to call you back," I said softly into the phone.

"Ms. Shepherd, we need to discuss your next assignment," he said sternly. Adam came over and sat next to me, taking my free hand in his own. He brought it up to his lips and kissed it. The man knew how to make something hard seem impossible.

"I _really_ need to go," I murmured into the phone, as Adam moved his attention to my neck, knowing that it always drove me insane.

"You cannot leave until we sort some things out," he said in heated tone. I leaned into Adam's touch and kiss and was about to just hang up on Mr. Williams. To hell with the consequences… what would he do? _Fire me?_ He could for all I care right now. I sort of have another job already in line.

"Now, I know this may upset you but…"

"Adam," I moaned into the phone subconsciously as my boyfriend tugged on my earlobe with his teeth. He chuckled as he pulled me into his lap.

"What did you say Shepherd?" Mr. Williams asked curtly.

"I… I said 'ahem'," I said breathlessly.

"I don't think that's what you said babe. What happened to _honesty is the best policy_?" Adam asked jokingly. Yet his words made me become quite sober to the whole situation.

"As I was saying, I think you should continue with your assignment."

"What!" I exclaimed as I pushed myself off on Adam's lap. He wanted me to stay here?

"I know! I know! You were only supposed to do the Diva Search, but this is too good of an opportunity to pass up. Just check back with me before you sign anything. We need to make sure you will be able to get out of it when I see fit," he said. I was still shocked by all of this. My mouth hung open in happiness and shock. He wanted me to stay!

"What's wrong?" Adam asked as he came over to me with a concerned look on his face. I just shook him off and began to pace a little.

"You still there Shepherd?" Mr. Williams asked.

"Yeah… I'm here," I said as I looked toward Adam with a smile. "And I accept."

* * *

"Looks like the lovebirds _finally_ decided to show up."

I smiled at Randy as Adam and I walked hand in hand into the locker room. We took our time leaving the hotel this morning. We knew that we had a five hour drive to Pittsburgh, but we didn't want to rush. Tonight was the last night that I would see the guys for awhile. Yet I wasn't as upset as I thought I would be. That was most likely due to the fact that I knew that soon, I would be traveling with them. I didn't know how long Mr. Williams wanted me to keep up with this masquerade. And for once, I didn't care. He could have me stay here forever and I wouldn't bat an eyelash.

"We wrestle the Hardys tonight in the main event for our titles," Randy said as Adam put his stuff down. At least that meant that I would get to see Jeff. Adam has been clinging to me all day, not that I mind at all. It took some time to explain the phone call. I just told him that I accepted an invitation to a friend's bridal shower. It was the only thing I could come up with. He didn't call me on even though I thought it was pretty obvious it was a lie.

Adam leaves tomorrow for Iraq with some of the other Superstars to perform for the troops. Knowing that we wouldn't be in communication with each other for a few days sucked thus Adam wanted to spend every second with me until he needed to leave.

"I take it you two had a good night," John said with a small grin as he took a seat next to me on one of the locker room's couches.

"Very good," I said with a small laugh.

"Told you that there was nothing to worry about," he said. I just nodded my head once again.

_"__Holding my last breath,  
__Safe inside myself…"_

"So sorry about not calling last night," I said as I opened my phone.

"I figured you would be a little busy," Jay said with a laugh. Adam came over and joined me on the couch. "So how does it feel to be a WWE Diva?"

"It hasn't really sunk in yet, but I will let you know as soon as I can wrap my head around everything," I said with a laugh.

"You going to be on tonight?" he asked.

"Nope. I'm just here to get my contract and then I have to go back into training," I said with a laugh. "So much fun."

"Haven't you trained_ enough_?" he asked with a laugh of his own. "What does Adam have to say about that one? I bet he can't wait till you guys tour together."

"Ask him yourself," I said as I put the phone up to his ear. He gave me a questioning look.

"Hello?" Adam said into the phone. Soon, a grin formed on his features and he took the phone. "Hey… yeah thanks…"

I laughed as the two friends began talking over the phone. Adam got up and walked to the other side of the room to talk with Jay so he wouldn't disturb the rest of us. I couldn't believe that after a whole day of worrying and fearing for the end, I was given a new whole start. And I was going to try and not stress about the journey ever ending and just take every day as a blessing. I just had to remember not to get too comfortable. If my guard is down too long, my secret could be revealed. Then it really _would _be over.

"So when are we going to be graced by your presence next?" Randy asked as he took Adam's vacated seat.

"I honestly don't know," I said with a smile, which seemed like a permanent fixture on my face since talking with Mr. Williams. "I haven't spoken with Vince yet." There was a knock at the door. Randy got up to get it, yet I pushed him back down.

"I'll get it," I said with a smile. I was just too happy to sit and not do anything. Besides, I just had been in a car for five hours.

"Fine by me," he said with a smirk. "It's a woman's job to serve her man anyway." He said it in a teasing voice so I didn't retort.

"Too bad she's not your woman," John muttered with a grin.

"Just about," he said as I reached the door. I turned back to look at him as he continued to explain. "She's with Copeland and I'm his partner. Ergo she's like my woman _in theory_." I knew there had to be a reason for his statement. And there it was.

"Are you_ ever_ going to let me live that down?" I asked with a laugh as I grabbed the doorknob.

"Nope," he answered with a small smirk. I laughed as I opened the door.

"Meemz, you're here," Jeff said as he pulled me into an embrace. I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Yeah, I'm here," I muttered as he gave me a quick peck on the cheek. He knew he was in enemy territory, so to speak, and didn't want to overstep his boundaries. I smiled and gave Matt a hug as well as the two men entered the room.

"Hey fellas," John said as he got up and shook hands with both men. Randy just nodded his head in their direction as Adam continued with his conversation. His eyes were glued on mine though. I could tell he was still wary of me being around Jeff. It hurt to know that he didn't fully trust me. Yet in truth, I don't think I even trusted myself.

"We came by just to run through the match for tonight," Matt said looking toward the still sitting Legend Killer. He just shrugged and gestured toward Adam.

"Whatever," Jeff muttered. I grabbed his hand to stop him from leaving.

"I'll get him for you," I said with a smile. He just nodded his head and looked away from me. I knew that it hurt him to see me and Adam together. I didn't exactly know if it was because he had feelings for me or he thought that Adam wasn't the right person for me... or maybe both. He lived by the _once a cheat, always a cheat_ mentality. To be honest, I did as well… until I met Adam.

"Hey babe," I murmured as I came over and massaged his shoulder lightly. He turned to me and smiled. "Matt and Jeff want to go over the match for tonight."

I saw him look from me to the two brothers. He gave them the once over before turning his attention back to me.

"Hey Jay, I'm going to give you back to Nam… Yeah, I'll call you when I get back… Thanks," Adam said as he handed me the phone. He gave me a quick kiss and a slap on the ass before going over to the others. I knew that that show was put on for a certain newcomer to the room. He wanted to show Jeff who I belonged to. I thought it was quite juvenile and a little degrading, but I guess he was right to have his suspicions.

"So you have a show tonight?" I asked Jay as I turned to watch the guys discuss things. John nodded to me as he left the room. I leaned against the wall and half-heartedly listened to Jay's answer. My attention was focused on the discussion that was happening in the room. I didn't understand much of it, but I saw that it was quite tense.

"So Adam and Matt are in the same room. Has the temperature dropped yet?" Jay asked jokingly.

"Very funny," I murmured sarcastically. "But yeah, it doesn't look to be a very friendly chat."

"I know Adam says that he really doesn't regret being with Amy, but I know… that deep in his heart, there is some part of him that wants things the way they used to be," Jay said seriously. I nodded my head and watched as the four men fell into uncomfortable silence.

"I know. I can see it too," I said softly as I watched the conversation resume between the opposing teams.

"Well, on a happier note, I'm probably going to be getting the title back pretty soon," Jay said with glee in his tone.

"Really? I thought you said that the title just changed hands a few weeks ago," I said, recalling a previous conversation between the two of us.

"Yeah, well… maybe it's not going to be _that soon_," he said with a laugh. "Probably at the beginning of the new year. I just wanted to get off the topic of Matt's hatred of everything Adam Copeland."

"Well, _good diversion_, yet you brought us right back to where we started," I said with a loud enough laugh that caused all four men to turn and look at me.

"Sorry… didn't mean to interrupt," I said with a sheepish smile. Randy just shook his head with a grin on his face. Matt shrugged as if he could care less as it looked like all he wanted to do was leave. Jeff returned my small smile and turned back to the conversation. Adam held my gaze the longest. He grinned and winked at me before being shoved slightly by Randy.

"Dude, let's just get this over with," Randy told Adam as the four men continued their planning.

"Sorry about that. I sort of distracted them with my laughter," I said with a small grin.

"Yes, you are _quite_ distracting," he said jokingly.

"You are so lucky you aren't here right now," I said with a small chuckle, as I didn't want to cause another distraction.

"You've been a Diva for a day and _already_ you think you can take on the Instant Classic?" Jay asked sardonically. We both broke out into laughter which caused the attention in the room to shift to me again.

"Sorry," I mewed before laughing a little more.

"You really are just one big distraction," Jay said with a laugh.

"It's all your fault," I said into the phone.

"Hey, they don't call me Captain Charisma for nothing," he replied, earning another laugh from me. "So where are you going to be training?"

"Not really sure," I said in a questioning tone. That was a quick topic change.

"I just thought that if you were in Tampa training, you could come and visit," he said. "Make your boyfriend jealous."

"Now _there_ is a thought," I said with a grin.

"Keep it in mind," he said. "Well, I better get going. Have to get ready for the taping tonight. Call me with the details soon."

"I will. Good luck tonight," I told him. As we said our goodbyes, I looked and saw that the meeting was winding down. I walked over and returned my cell phone to my purse.

"Did you and your _secret lover_ make any plans?" Adam asked with a smirk. I stared at him incredulously. I guess he had figured out who I was speaking of last night when I told him that I was too busy with my secret lover to talk to him.

"I hate you, you know that right?" I said with a grin. He came over and took me in his arms.

"I know _that's _not true," he said with a smirk as he brought his lips to mine. I heard a small groan from behind Adam. I didn't even need to look: Matt. I heard the door open and shut a few seconds later. I pulled back from Adam and looked around him. Both of the Hardys had disappeared.

* * *

_"What's going on__? What's going on fellas__?"_

_"Well… well it seems Jeff thinks that the Hardys are going to beat us for the tag team titles tonight,"_ Adam told Randy as he patted his belt for good measure.

I stood back and watched the monitor as their segment aired. It was weird seeing Jeff and Edge talk. It was weird enough seeing Jeff and Adam together, but _Jeff_ and _Edge_ was a whole different animal. Edge wasn't the sweet, loving, teddy bear that Adam was. He was the one who orchestrated an attack on Ric Flair earlier in the night, which left him bloodied and battered. Yet Jeff and well… _Jeff_ were very similar in their foundation. There wasn't much of a difference in personalities.

"_Huh, is that right?"_ Randy asked, with a smirk that was characteristic of both the man and the character.

"_Yeah,"_ Jeff said, determination in his eyes. Before either member of Rated RKO could respond, Matt Hardy appeared on the screen.

_"Hey guys,"_ Matt said as all of the attention turned to him. "_Is there a problem?"_

_"Nah, I'm cool," _Randy said, clutching his belt tightly. _"I'm cool man."_

_"No problem,"_ Adam said with a little shake of the head, looking awkwardly at the elder Hardy.

_"You're cool?"_ Matt asked Randy, trying his best to avoid even having to look at Adam.

_"We'll see you out there," _Adam said as he and Randy started to leave.

_"Yeah, we'll see you out there,"_ Matt said, repeating Adam's statement with annoyance in his tone and features.

I knew it was the end of the scene and their match would be coming on soon. I promised Adam that I would watch yet I was called to meet Vince in his office. I decided on just watching the backstage scene and going to see him during the match. I knew that even though we would be having a meeting, there would be a screen with the broadcast on. I wouldn't miss much.

I made my way through the backstage corridors until I found the door leading to Vince's office. I knocked tentatively and immediately heard a gruff "come in" from the other side. I slowly opened the door and walked inside.

"And there is the newest WWE Diva!" Vince said with a huge grin on his face. I smiled slightly as he gestured to a chair in front of his makeshift desk. I saw a monitor displaying the main event next to me and turned to see Adam and Jeff slugging it out in the ring. He knocked Jeff down and gave a pointed stare to Matt on the apron.

"Great main event, huh?" Vince asked as he saw where my attention was directed.

"Yeah… wonderful," I muttered with a small smile.

"Now, down to business. As you recall from the meeting before the announcement, you are now a fulltime employee of the WWE," Vince said with a smile. I just smiled as I didn't really remember much of the meeting. That was because I didn't pay attention. Never actually thought I would make it to this moment.

"Thus, there is really only one more matter of business left," he said as he pulled a packet of papers out from a folder. "Your contract."

He pushed the papers in front of me and I stared down at them in wonderment. It was a real WWE contract, something that people dream about receiving. And it was lying in front of me.

"Amazing, isn't?" he asked with pride in his tone. "A few months ago, this was only a dream. Now Nami, it is a reality."

I looked up at him and he gestured to the contract. I picked it up and read as much as I could understand. He could see that I was confused so decided to fill in some of the blanks.

"I know it looks confusing, but that is just a bunch of legal terms," he responded. "The contract is a standard developmental deal. It is good for five months with the option for renewal in April. From what I have seen so far, I am sure you have nothing to worry about."

I gave him a small smile and flipped through the pages. It talked about salary and other matters, yet none of that really mattered to me. It was only for five months. I guess that was for the best. Maybe if I tell Mr. Williams that the contract expires in April, he will recommend I stay the full term. And then when I leave, it won't look like I walked out on the company. I smiled at that thought.

"So I guess by that smile, you are ready to accept," Vince said as he pushed a pen in front of me. I put the contract back on the table and looked at him with a confused look.

"Don't I need a lawyer to look at this or…"

"If you really think that you need consulting," Vince said with a sigh. "Yet I assure you, there are no tricks. Five months and you will be given another, _more permanent_ version of this agreement."

I nodded my head and stared down at the contract. I slowly picked up the pen and flipped to the last page. I noticed the other signatures, already authorizing the document. All it needed was mine. Mr. Williams said not to sign anything without his advisement. Yet sitting here under the watchful gaze of the chairman of the company, it was hard to go against anything he suggests. I lowered the pen slowly to the paper.

Just as I was about to sign on the dotted line, my earlier experience of signing a WWE contract flashed in my brain. I wasn't such a _poor unfortunate soul_ anymore. I still felt like I was selling myself away and this time, it really _was _for a man. I took a deep breath and quickly scrawled my signature across the line. I shut the contract and pushed it back in front of my new employer.

"Ms. Shepherd, welcome to the WWE."


	24. Want To Be Here In The Future

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed. Special thanks to "Fozzy-Floozy", "Farra Sti", "WWEAngel", "Ramihel", and "unlimited emerald0307" for their reviews of the last chapter. This chapter is going to begin to set up the next part of the story which will come into full swing in the next few chapters. Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

My first week as an official WWE Diva went by and I must admit… it was pretty tame. Now that the competition was over, I wasn't competing for a job. I _had_ the job. Yet I still had a ways to go before I would ever grace the airwaves with my presence.

I called Mr. Williams first thing Tuesday morning. Let's just say the conversation wasn't the most pleasant one we have had. He couldn't fathom how I could sign a contract without being consulted. Of course he never met Vince McMahon. Also, he didn't like my outright defiance of his instruction. I tried my best to plead my case, but it didn't work very well. I asked if I would be able to fulfill my contractual obligations to the WWE and he did not reply. I guess I would just have to wait that out.

I was relocated once more to Tampa, Florida to continue my training. Instead of living in a house with five girls, I was set up in a small apartment. It reminded me a lot of my actual apartment in New Jersey. There was a little less room yet the major difference was that the appliances actually worked. A miracle isn't it? But it was not like I would be doing much cooking. I was hardly ever in the place to begin with. They should have just given me a cot at the training facility, because already most of my time was spent there.

Adam called the second he landed back on American soil. His trip to visit the troops seemed to give him a renewed drive for these hectic holiday weeks. I could tell that he was a little burned out, but I am sure that that was just the twenty hour trip to and from Iraq. With his busy schedule, we had yet to see each other. He was going to try and visit yesterday yet that visit never materialized. I was getting a good idea of what being the significant other of a pro-wrestler was like. I didn't know if I could imagine a life where my husband was always on the road. Yet it was definitely too early to be discussing things like that.

Even though I was not going to be premiering until the new year, management gave me the option of attending some of the shows to soak up the local color… get a feel for what the business was really like. I wasn't going to tell them that I think I already had a good idea from everything that had happened during the Diva Search competition. But I didn't hesitate on taking them up on their offer.

That is how I was able to get out of a weekend training session to be backstage at the ECW December to Dismember pay-per-view. I was a little wary to go as I had never spent any time with the roster. Yet as soon as I heard that the Hardys would be present, all hesitation faded. Even though it was an ECW event, the Hardys would be continuing their feud with MNM.

It was good to see the brothers back as a team again. I know that they both loved their singles careers yet they were such an enigmatic team. They had such chemistry, due to their familial bond and shared realized dream, that they stole the show every time they were in the ring.

"Ms. Shepherd, what a pleasant surprise."

I smiled as ECW creator, and now General Manager, Paul Heyman headed my way. We had met a few times when he came to the training facilities to see our progress as well as that of the other developmental wrestlers.

"Hello Mr. Heyman. Everything all set for tonight?" I asked with a smile.

"Nothing is ever totally set at an ECW show," he joked. "Yet it is as close as it will come. McMahon needs everything to be planned to some extent or he won't sign off on it. And if he doesn't sign off on it…" He drifted off but I saw the look in his eyes.

"I gotcha," I said as I knew firsthand that everything needed to be in Vince McMahon's control. He didn't like surprises all that much.

"I always said you were an observant girl. Always watching even when it is not asked of you," he said with a small grin.

"Yes well… I want to learn everything I can," I said sheepishly, trying to dodge how close to the truth he was.

"I see that," he said with a sigh. "Well, I need to get back to Vince's office. Still have some things that need to be okayed for the night."

"Oh, of course," I said with a small laugh. "Do you think you could tell me where I might find the Hardys?"

He laughed and pointed me to a locker room down the corridor. We parted ways and I followed his directions to the unmarked locker room. I knocked… no response. I knocked again… still nothing.

"At least we're leading off the night."

I turned to look around the corner as I immediately recognized the Southern drawl of my best friend.

"Do I hear grumbling when I came _all the way_ here to see you guys?" I asked sarcastically as they came into view. Jeff's scowl quickly disappeared and he came over to give me a hug.

"I didn't know you were coming," he said as he kissed my hair lightly.

"Yeah, I thought you and Copeland were attached at the hip… or maybe more accurately the…"

"Matt!" Jeff exclaimed before his brother could continue with his vulgar comment. I could tell he wasn't taking to the idea of Adam and I as a couple.

"It's alright Jeff," I murmured as I unraveled my arms from his neck. "I know you'll never accept it and I respect your opinion. Just lay off Adam a little when I'm around okay?" Matt nodded his head with a small smile. "Now, give me a hug."

"Yes ma'am," Matt said with a laugh as he pulled me into an embrace of his own.

"You comin' to Raw tomorrow?" Jeff asked as the three of us walked into their private locker room.

"If I can find someone to bum a ride from," I said with a knowing smile.

"Road trip," Matt exclaimed with a laugh, as he was going to be on Raw again tomorrow.

"So does that mean I have a ride?" I asked, batting my eyelashes at the younger Hardy.

"Do you even need to ask?" Jeff asked jokingly. I smiled and we just stared into each other's eyes, enjoying the other's company.

His gaze was quite different than Adam's. There were no traces of burning desire or hunger in his eyes. Jeff's gaze was soft yet still very determined. His eyes always held that quality. He always seemed to be focused on one thing or another. Two beautiful sets of green eyes reflecting two distinctive souls.

"So you guys slated to win tonight?" I asked as I pulled myself from his gaze.

"That would be telling," Matt said with a grin. Jeff just nodded his head in agreement with his brother.

"You two are no fun," I pouted like a five year old child.

Neither relented and we fell into conversation about a wide array of topics. Most dealt with wrestling in some respect, from my expected debut date to Jeff's experience over in Iraq. Nothing was safe. While we were talking, I was trying to remember a quotation from one of my favorite authors. I don't really know how it came up, something that Jeff said he read about, but I couldn't recall the quotation for the life of me. I went to grab the book from my bag yet my journal fell out instead.

"Ooo, someone keeps a diary," Matt said as he picked it up from the ground and ran his fingers across the slightly worn leather. I just laughed slightly, eyeing the book in his hands.

As he went to fiddle with the lock, pretending like he was going to try and open it, a few loose papers fell to the ground. I quickly pounced on them and pulled the journal from his grasp.

"Someone's a little secretive," Matt said with a laugh.

I pulled my keys from my purse and unlocked the journal. I refastened the papers to the inner clip on the inside cover.

"What's that?" Matt asked as he leaned over my way. "Looks like my brother's handwriting."

I saw him peering inside and was fortunate that Jeff's note was on top. Jeff looked at me quizzically and I pulled the paper from the book. I shut and locked the journal once more.

"It's your drawing," I said with a smile as I unfolded the paper. He had written my name on the outer flap and that was enough for Sherlock Hardy to surmise it was from Jeff. Maybe they spend a little _too much_ time together. He definitely would not be looking through my things anytime soon.

"You kept it?" he asked, sounding truly surprised.

"Of course I kept it!" I said as I playfully whacked him in the shoulder. "I love it." The two of us shared a look and I felt something in my heart flutter.

"Well... I'm going to go and make sure that everything is set for our match," Matt said as he quickly rose from his seat. "Make sure he gets ready for the match."

"You do realize that I am sitting right here?" Jeff asked. Matt laughed and patted his brother on the shoulder before leaving the room. I looked back down at the drawing in my hands. Silence fell over us. I didn't understand why Matt left so abruptly. I thought that they said their match was all set.

"It's unfinished," Jeff murmured pulling me from my thoughts. I looked up at him confused as to what he meant. The white paper was entirely covered with colored pencil marks. It looked quite finished to me. He didn't answer yet instead took the drawing from my hand. He stood up and walked over to his bag. My eyes grew wide when he pulled out a bottle of water and opened the top.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I got up and went to grab the picture from the creator's hand. He just laughed and turned to look me in the eyes.

"Do you trust me?" he asked softly as he brought his hand up and lightly rubbed my cheek. I smiled and nodded.

"Of course," I said. He smiled and handed the drawing to me.

"Then watch," he said as he doused the drawing with some of the bottled water. I gave him a confused and surprised look at he gestured for me to look back down at the wet paper. He took my hand in his and had me tilt the paper so the water fell to the floor.

I watched as the once precise, traceable lines became streams of color. They ran together. Some colors blended, others kept their individual hues. It was truly amazing. I thought it was beautiful before yet now it was taken to another level. I watched as colored water dribbled onto the ground as the pigment had come loose.

"It's… incredible," I said as he moved our hands back so the paper lay horizontally as all of the excess water had fallen off and the picture was 'finished'. "But I don't get how… I've colored with pencils my whole life and never…" I didn't finish as I just looked back down at the paper in my hand.

"It's not all that special," Jeff muttered. I shot a glance up at him and shook my head.

"It _is_," I said with a smile. "Now, are you going to tell me your secret? Or is it just another wonder that makes up Jeff Hardy?" He laughed and took the paper from my hand to set it off to the side to dry.

"I drew it with watercolor pencil," he said as he turned to face me. "It's no big secret that the pigment becomes unfixed with water."

"Are you calling me dumb?" I asked jokingly with a smile on my face. He at first looked apologetic, but seeing my expression, quickly played along.

"Maybe I am," he said with a smirk. "What are you going to do about it?" I put a finger to my mouth as if I was thinking of what to do.

"This," I said as I took the opened water bottle and spilled the rest of the contents on the top of his head. We both laughed and I tried to scoot away only to be grabbed and pulled into a hug. He shook his hair, getting me wet in the process.

"So mean," I murmured as we stayed in each other's arms. We heard the door open and quickly split apart. He awkwardly turned the other way as I retook my original seat. I tried to figure out what was bugging Jeff so much yet didn't say anything as Matt walked in the room. He took in the two of us in our current states of discomfort.

"What'd I miss?"

* * *

"I know that it was planned but, you don't know how many times I wanted to run out to the ring and bitch slap Melina tonight."

The brothers laughed and voiced their approval. The show was over and the three of us were back in our hotel room relaxing. Yes, _our_ hotel room, as Matt said there was no reason for me to have to get a separate one. I was lying on one of the beds with Jeff while Matt lounged on his own.

The Hardys had won their match against MNM. It was a clean win on their part, as Melina interfered for the opposing team almost every chance she got. Yet in the end, she was dropkicked off of the apron and to the floor below, allowing for Jeff to capitalize and hit the Swanton for the win. I wouldn't be surprised if there was tag team gold in the brothers' future if they were allowed to continue working together.

"If we are still in this feud when you debut, you should," Jeff said. "Even up the odds a little bit."

"Oh, I'm sure Copeland would love that one," Matt said as he rolled his eyes.

"For someone who _can't stand_ Adam, you sure do spend a lot of time talking about him," I said with a small smirk.

"I have to agree with Meemz on this one bro," Jeff said with a laugh as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"I just don't get what you see in him," Matt muttered. Jeff groaned and halted his fingers' massage of my scalp. It was so relaxing and soothing that I let out a groan of my own. I could tell that Jeff really didn't want to get into a big discussion about the object of my affection.

"Let's just drop it," I said curtly. Matt nodded in agreement. I scooted up to lean against the headboard of the bed. I put my head on Jeff's shoulder. He responded by taking his arm and wrapping it around me. Matt gave us both an amused glance before turning his attention back to the television.

_"Tell me what you thought about  
__When you were gone and…"_

"Hey baby," I cooed into the phone after retrieving it from the end table.

"You didn't call me earlier," he said with a little sarcastic pout showing in his tone.

"I'm sorry, but I was a little busy," I said with a laugh as I looked up at Jeff. He just rolled his eyes and looked back toward the television. I frowned and looked that way as well.

"I'm just playing babe. I know you're working your ass off so you can come on tour with your man every week," he said, again in a playful tone.

"I know," I murmured. "I miss you too."

"Oh kill me now," Matt exclaimed loudly as he got up his bed.

"What was that?" Adam asked. I closed my eyes and thought of what to do. If I tell him the truth, the protective, paranoid Adam was certain to arise. Yet if I lied, it would just be continuing the false foundation that our relationship was built on.

"It's just Matt," I said truthfully. Matt gave me a surprised look. He didn't even think that I would tell Adam the truth.

"Matt?" Adam asked as he hadn't figured out who I meant just by the first name.

"Matt Hardy," I said and just waited for the outburst to begin. All I got in response was silence. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Do I continue the conversation? Do I wait? Do I change topics and hope that he forgets about it?

"So you went to the pay-per-view?" Adam asked in a more sober tone.

"Yeah, I was given the weekend off," I said, still not sure of what type of mood Adam was in.

"Oh," was his only reply. I rolled my eyes and pushed off of Jeff to sit on the bed.

"Are you okay?" I asked into the phone.

"I think I can answer that question," Matt said softly so Adam couldn't here through the phone. I sent a glare his way and walked over near the window. I stared out at the few cars driving on the highway and waited for a response.

"I'm fine," he murmured. "It's just… you have to understand that it is a little weird for me. I know that you are friends with them and… it's not like I am going to tell you that you need to choose. Understand that I would _never_ do that."

"I know that Adam," I said with a smile as I turned to look at Jeff.

"But… it's just… you are a very attractive woman Nam," Adam started, but my groan quickly stopped him.

"Please don't even start what I think you are going to," I said with a sigh.

"I just want you to know that I'm not trying to be paranoid, but… I see how guys look at you and… I know what it's like to think that someone is _only _a friend," Adam said.

"I am quite aware of that. I'm reminded almost every single day," I said in a brisk tone.

"And I bet you're sick of it now," Adam said with a laugh. "But… it's sort of the baggage that comes with the territory. Your boyfriend and best friend are enemies and… the situation doesn't look like it will have a happy ending."

"I don't care if you guys don't get along," I exclaimed into the phone, earning two pairs of eyes to turn their attention to me. Good, because this was directed toward them as well. "But understand that I am not going to forsake any of you for the other. I am not going to be put in the middle of things. I might be physically in the middle, but I will not be dragged into this loathing you all seem to have for each other."

I was no longer just speaking to my boyfriend and they all knew it. I was trying to lay everything out on the table and let them know where I stood. I think they already knew, but I just wanted to make it verbally attested.

"I understand," Adam said with a sigh. "I don't want you to ever feel uncomfortable."

I leaned my head against the window and looked right in my best friend's eyes.

"I think it might be a little late for that."


	25. All The Pretty Things She Did

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed! A special tanki tanki to my reviewers from last chapter: "unlimited emerald0307", "Fozzy-Floozy", and "Farra Sti". Thanks for your constant support. These next few chapters will set up the plot that will run throughout the second large part of this story: Nami's time in the WWE. Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

"That's the _last time_ I drive anywhere with you behind the wheel!"

Matt just laughed at my distress as the three of us entered the arena. After getting a very slow start leaving the hotel, Matt decided to make up the time by driving like a madman. Swerving in and out of lanes, passing eighteen wheelers on their right, and other things that scared the shit out of me. He says that he was _only _trying to make it on time… _sure_.

"Hey, look who got us here only a little instead of majorly late," Matt said as we checked in with a backstage worker. "Besides, we wouldn't have been running late if it wasn't for _you two_ playing hair salon all morning."

Both Jeff and I playfully shoved the elder Hardy after his remark. We hadn't spent _all _morning. The three of us didn't even wake up until after ten. It was more like a little bit of the morning to mid afternoon. Jeff touched up his already technicolor locks with more royal blue and purple, which made his hair almost as dark as his brother's. I even conceded and let him put a streak of purple across my side slanted bangs. That was after he assured me that the dye was only semi-permanent. I could just see my father's face if I showed up to Christmas dinner with purple hair. It wasn't as bright a purple as it would have been if I let Jaff bleach my light brunette hair. Yet _again_, I wanted to live to see the next year, especially when so much was finally going my way.

"You could have joined us," I said with a smile. Matt just rolled his eyes and fingered the purple streak through my bangs.

"You'd fit in perfectly with us. You even have the hair to match," Matt said with a grin.

Both Matt and Jeff were still trying to convince me to become their valet. It's not like I wouldn't love to do it. It's just that it wasn't my position to say what I should or shouldn't be doing. I had only worked at the company for a week.

"It's not up to me," I mumbled. Matt shook his head and looked at the docket of matches for tonight that was given to him.

"Eight man tag match tonight," he told his brother.

"Let me guess, we're with DX," Jeff said as his brother gave the list back to the crew member who checked us in.

"Uh-huh," he muttered.

We walked a little further into the arena as I thought about their match for the night. I didn't even need to be told who their opponents were as it was quite apparent. I guess that means there would be another awkward set-up meeting. I really didn't want to be present for another one. Last time was bad enough.

"You going to go find Adam?" Jeff asked.

I shrugged and figured that I probably should. Tomorrow was what we considered to be our one month anniversary. It was hard to pinpoint the actual day with all of the flirting we had done leading up until eventually dating. I couldn't believe that a month had gone by so fast. It seemed like only yesterday we were barley friends and now we had already been dating for a month.

"In a little bit," I said, realizing that I had yet to really answer him.

"When you do, tell him that we'll just meet right before the match," Matt muttered as he opened a locker room door.

"Huh?" I asked confused.

"We're pretty late to begin with," he said as he gave a glance toward the clock. 7:18. Yeah, we _were_ late. "Besides, we'll be dealing with Mercury and Nitro more than them."

"I hear my name?" Nitro asked as he emerged from the side bathroom.

"Your neck okay?" Jeff asked as Nitro joined us. He had landed on it a little awkwardly in last night's match.

"A little banged up, but it'll survive," he said with a grin before turning his attention to me. "Nice hair. You should start a feud with Melina. Then the teams would finally be evenly matched."

"That's what we've been telling her," Matt exclaimed. It felt nice to feel wanted. And I had to admit that I liked the idea of not having to wrestle as much as a normal Raw Diva.

"And I'll say it _again_," I said with a groan. "It is not up to me!"

_"This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill.  
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will..."_

"Hey champ. What's up?" I asked into the phone after I fished it out of the bag. Jeff, Matt, and Nitro fell into a discussion as I talked with John over the phone.

"Nothing much. Just checking up on you," John said. "You have a good time last night?" I sighed into the phone. I guessed that Adam had talked to him.

"It was great," I said looking back at my friends with a smile.

"That's good. Looking forward to seeing yourself out there?" he asked.

"Yeah. Matt and Jeff have this crazy idea of me being their valet," I said with a laugh. Both of them looked over at me and gave nods of approval.

"I can see it. Kick Melina's ass and get to chill with your friends… I'd say it'd be a win-win situation."

I smiled listening to him talk. He really understood me. He was like the big brother I never had but always wanted. I was happy that he saw me as a lot more than just _Adam's girlfriend_ because he was a lot more than _Adam's friend_ to me.

"So you at the show already?" I asked.

"Already? I didn't know that Florida and South Carolina were in different time zones. Did that change and I wasn't informed?" he asked sarcastically before laughing.

I looked at the clock again. 7:33. It was pretty late. I smirked to myself when I realized that he thought I was back in training. That meant that Adam didn't know I was going to be here either. Surprise time!

"Shut up," I said, trying to still his laughter. "I've had a long day."

"Apparently," he mused.

"So… is Adam with you?" I asked.

"Oh, I get it," he said sardonically with a small chuckle. "You're just talking with _me_ to get to _him_."

"You know that's not true," I said with a laugh of my own. "I was just wondering… and besides, if I really wanted to talk to him I could just call."

"Uh-huh," he said, yet a heard him chuckle again. "He's filming a spot with Randy for tonight's show."

"Oh, so you are all by your lonesome right now?" I asked with mock sadness.

"They even kicked me out of my locker room," he said, using the same tone as I previously held.

"Aw, poor baby," I said while trying to hold back my laughter. I glanced toward the other occupants of the room and muted my cell.

"I'm going to go find Cena," I said when they stopped their talking. "I'll see you guys later."

"You can leave your stuff," Jeff said when I went to grab my bag. "I'll watch it."

He smiled at me and I was about to just leave. Yet I gave a look Matt's way. There was no chance I was leaving my journal near him. If last night was any indication, I would be found out for sure.

"Thanks, but I'll just take it with me," I said as I pulled him into a hug and kissed him on the cheek.

"Miss me," I murmured with a teasing grin.

"I always do," he said, returning my teasing nature.

"You two should just get together already," Nitro said with a laugh.

"She's with Adam," Jeff said briskly as we broke apart. I avoided their gazes and looked down at my hands. That was when I noticed my cell phone was still open. Shit… I had totally forgotten about John.

"Hello?" I yelled into the phone after unmuting it yet he was long gone.

"Oh great," I murmured as I flipped the phone shut and replaced it in my bag.

"Just tell him you dropped the call. It is believable in this place," Jeff advised. I nodded my head and leaned up to give him another quick peck.

"See you guys later."

I left the room and decided to try and find John. I knew he wasn't in his locker room and I didn't hear many voices in the background. No locker room, no catering area… maybe makeup? I walked around and tried to get my bearings. No John _anywhere_, and I still hadn't found the makeup and wardrobe area. After a few more minutes of bumping into crew workers and just being in the way, I decided to give up. I was on my way back to Jeff's room when none other than John Cena exited the door in front of me.

"Greetings from Florida," I exclaimed. He turned to greet me with a surprised expression.

"Holy shit! How'd you get here so fast?" he asked jokingly as he came over and lifted me off the ground in a bear hug.

"Did you _honestly_ think that I would go to the pay-per-view and not come to see you guys?" I asked with a smile.

"Thought you had to train," he said as he finally set me back down on my own two feet. "Nice hair. You joining up with the Hardys?" It was said as more of a joke than a real question.

"Like I told you, they _want_ me to," I said honestly. "And I thought you said it wouldn't be a bad idea?"

"I know, and I am sure that it will go over_ real well_ with your already jealous boyfriend," John said sarcastically as he took my bag off of my shoulder to carry it.

"That's what Matt keeps say… what do you mean my _already jealous boyfriend_?" I asked incredulously as we started to walk down the hallway.

"Come on Nam. Don't act _so_ surprised," John said with a laugh as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "You do spend a lot of time with Jeff. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with you guys being friends. It's just… Adam's a little… a little jealous at the fact you seem closer to Jeff than him."

"Well he is just being paranoid… as usual. So much for our one month anniversary," I said glumly.

"I thought he said that it was tomorrow?"

I stared at him in shock and awe. Not only was he talking to his friends about me, but Adam had remembered. I was happy to see that it meant something to him. And they say guys don't remember stuff like that.

"It is," I said with a happy grin on my face. "But you know that tomorrow is only a few hours away."

"I'm happy that I'm not rooming with him tonight," John said with a smirk. I shoved him away, pulling his arm off of me as we turned the corner. "There's our room. They might still be in there filming though."

"So are we just going to wait out here?" I asked. He shrugged, but soon walked over to the door. He leaned against it and I had to stifle a laugh at his attempt to listen inside the room.

"Sounds okay," he said as he knocked lightly. "Better safe than sorry though."

"Why are you knocking, idiot? This is your room," Randy's voice said as the door opened.

"Yeah, well the last time I was here, I was kicked out," he said as he pushed his way into the room. I walked over as the door was closing. I peered in and saw Adam was reading and Randy had his back to me. I smiled at John and softly shut the door.

"So we going out tonight?" Randy asked, still unaware of my presence. John looked over as I put a finger to my lips. He silently chuckled.

"I'm in," John said, trying to sound as normal as possible even though I heard a small laugh trickle through.

"Copeland?" Randy asked. I turned my attention to my boyfriend as he just shrugged his shoulders and continued reading.

"Jesus Adam! Go and beat the shit out of Hardy in the ring tonight if you think he's with your girl. Don't take it out on us," Randy exclaimed. I glared at him yet that wasn't enough for a comment like that. I walked over and smacked him on the back of the head.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed as he spun around.

"You so deserved it bro," John said with a laugh. I looked and saw that Adam hadn't even looked over yet. I felt two arms lift me up and soon I was thrown over Randy's shoulder.

"Adam! Get your ass up and help me," I shrieked as Randy went to throw me playfully down on the couch. I didn't see Adam get up yet soon felt myself being pulled off of the Legend Killer's shoulder. I was soon face to face with Adam as he held me in his arms. I secured my arms around his neck as he leaned in and greeted me with a kiss.

"I see you and Hardy have been playing dress up," Randy said mockingly, probably referring to my hair. I pulled away from Adam's lips and turned toward Randy with another glare.

"I really think you should lay off," I said. He just smirked at me. Yet before Randy could come back with another witty retort, or what he assumed was _witty_, John spoke up.

"Alright you two. That's enough," he said as I turned my attention back to the man who was cradling me in his arms.

"You honestly didn't think I would come tonight?" I asked with a small grin as he sat us both down. I settled myself better in his lap as he played with my now purple bangs.

"I had hoped you would, but you didn't make any mention of it last night," Adam said with a smile.

"I wanted it to be a surprise," I said as I kissed him lightly. He tried to deepen it yet I wasn't that much into public displays of affection. I could care less what Randy thought, but John was a different story. "So_, surprise_!"

"How long have you been here?" Adam asked as he moved his hands to my back to start a light massage.

"Not that long. We got a late start this morning… well afternoon," I said with a laugh. "Oh yeah… Matt and Jeff said that they would meet you two right before your match."

"Fine by me," Randy scoffed.

"Me too," Adam said as he leaned in and captured my ear lobe between his teeth. I giggled and his mouth moved down the length of my neck, tickling me with his slight facial hair.

"Adam," I moaned. "There are other people in the room."

"They don't care," he muttered softly as he moved his lips back up my neck. I was about to protest again yet he silenced me with his lips. He sucked on my lower lip until I would grant him entry to deepen the kiss. I really didn't want to do this with people in the room, yet I missed Adam so much the past week to stop.

"Actually we _do _care," Randy said as he plopped down on the couch next to us. I rolled my eyes as we pulled apart from each other. I leaned down and pulled the book from the ground.

"Hey! This is mine," I said as I looked at the book of short stories in my grasp.

"I know," he said as he put his hand over mine. "I took it with me. You're always looking through it and I thought that it would keep you close to me even when I was away." I gave him a little smile and kissed him again, ignoring the fact that Randy was sitting right next to us.

"You're so sweet," I said. "Even though you stole it from my bag without my knowledge."

"Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?" he asked sarcastically.

"I don't know," I said with a smirk. Randy groaned and got up once again.

"Kill me now." I looked away from Adam and beamed up at the standing Legend Killer.

"Gladly."

* * *

_December 4, 2006  
__9:09 PM_

_At Raw in South Charleston, South Carolina tonight.__ Sitting in Adam's locker room watching the Raw broadcast with him and Randy. John is in the ring talking with Coach. Seems like he is going to take the __Masterlock__ Challenge tonight… Yeah, I would explain it, but I don't really understand it__ myself. Things are going well so far. No tension between any of us, even though Randy is annoying as ever. But that's just __how Randy is. I wouldn't want him any other __way… don't__ tell him I said that though. It would make his ego swell __ev__…_

"Nam, watch. It's our segment," Adam said as he lightly brushed my arm. I shut and locked the journal as a safety precaution before turning to the screen.

_"Kenny! What do we got? You got a cheer for us or what?" _Randy said. I laughed slightly and he sent a glare my way.

_"__Where's__ your pom-poms?"_ Adam said as both members of Rated RKO started to laugh.

"Very nice guys," I said with a small chuckle.

"What? We're supposed to act like total bastards. I think we pull it off quite nicely," Adam said as he pulled me closer to him.

"Guess that doesn't take a lot of acting skills on your part Rand," I said with a laugh.

"Shut your girl up Copeland," Randy said not turning his attention from the screen. "Or I'll do it for you."

"Ooo, I'm so scared," I muttered mockingly.

"Don't tempt me," Randy said turning his attention to me with a smirk.

"Adam, help," I said sarcastically still staring at Randy. "He's going to _scold _me."

"Cute," Randy said curtly as he turned his attention back to the screen. I laughed and did the same.

_"You guys have everybody after you. You have DX. You have the Hardys. You have a whole line of security down the hallway because you guys are walking targets,"_ Kenny said as he continued to plead with the two men.

"Funny, I didn't see any security out there," I said jokingly. I just got shushed by both men.

_"Let me join Rated RKO,"_ Kenny ended, which earned an incredulous stare from Adam… well _Edge_.

"_Hold on a second. What makes you think you're in our league?"_ Adam sneered at Kenny._ "You know, we weren't __beat__, put in a crate, and shipped out of town last week. Unlike you, we've beaten DX. So if you want to run with us, I suggest you prove yourself. Until then, we've got nothing to talk about."_

"That was mean," I said with a small pout.

"That's the point," Randy muttered.

_"Kids these days,"_ Adam said turning back to Randy as Kenny left the room.

_"Don't ask me. I have no idea,_" Randy responded as the scene switched back to the live arena.

"So, do I make a good badass?" Adam asked as he turned his attention back to me.

"_Jackass_ is more like it," I muttered. "But I guess people love to hate you. It's a good thing that I find you so loveable that I can overlook your _edginess_ when it comes out."

"What about me Nam? Do you find me loveable?" Randy asked with his normal smirk.

"I don't think _no_ is a strong enough word."

* * *

"Great match tonight."

"Do you _really_ want to talk about work right now?"

I laughed at Adam's question as we walked hand in hand down the hotel's hallway. It was almost midnight and we had just arrived at the hotel from the arena. Rated RKO's team won the match when Adam got the pin over Matt after a spear. It was still weird watching my friends wrestle each other… especially when I knew that they didn't really like each other. It makes it seem much more real.

"Oh, so that's_ all_ wrestling is to you?" I asked jokingly. "Work?"

"You know that's not true," he said with a sigh. "But now that you're here, I don't want to waste a single second thinking about anything but you."

"Why do you have to be so charming all the time?" I asked with a smile.

He pulled me closer to him as he fished his key card from his pocket. He slid it through the slot and pushed the door open. Quickly he pulled me inside and latched his lips on mine. Our bags didn't make it past the entranceway as Adam picked me up and carried me to the bed. He laid me down and covered my body with his own.

He leaned down and kissed me softly. Yet as with all of Adam's kisses, it didn't stay soft very long. He easily coerced my lips to part and we explored each other's mouths. My hands found their way into his shaggy locks and pulled him closer to me. One of Adam's arms held his body up while the other slowly found its way under my shirt.

We both pulled back for some much needed air and stared into each other's eyes. It was at times like this when I knew how much Adam meant to me… and how much I missed him when he was gone. He made me feel things that no one ever had.

I smiled as I moved my hands to his shirt and swiftly lifted it over his head. He leaned back down and attached his lips to my neck, knowing that the action drove me crazy. I could feel his smirk against my skin as he continued his pleasant torture. I ran my hands down his bare back and felt him arch up in pleasure. It was my turn to smirk at the effect I was having on him.

"Alright, these clothes need to come off… now!" he practically growled as he pulled the shirt over my head. I undid his belt and jeans as he worked on my skirt.

"Where the fuck is the zipper?" he asked in a frustrated tone. I laughed and guided his hand to my side. "Always have to make it hard for me."

The next moments were spent with us awkwardly shimmying out of the rest of our clothes. Soon we found ourselves staring into each other's eyes once more, just enjoying the feel of being near each other. He brought his lips down to mine and quickly settled himself between my legs.

"Happy anniversary baby," Adam said as he slowly entered me. I looked up at him with total bliss showing in my features. I could see the clock's glow in mirror's reflection. 12:07. I smiled and turned my attention back to my lover.

"Happy anniversary."


	26. It's Always You In My Big Dreams

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer. I do not own the WWE and its Superstars. Thanks to everyone who has read and especially my reviewers. Big shout out to the reviewers from last chapter: "unlimited emerald0307", "Fozzy-Floozy", "WWEAngel", and "Farra Sti". Oh and I totally forgot to mention that some of the dialogue was from Raw in the last chapter and the lyrics were from Fort Minor. Lyrics in this chapter are by Jonathan Larson. _

_This was originally three longer chapters that I condensed into one. It is more or less filler yet much needed filler. I couldn't just stop in December and pick up in January. The next chapter will be Nami's debut so I needed something to bridge the gap. So please don't be too harsh on this chapter:-) Peace and Love!!_

* * *

"I don't know how people do it… you know, celebrate Christmas in a warm climate? For me, it just doesn't feel like the holiday season if there isn't a nip to the air."

Jay smiled and handed me the next ornament for my small artificial tree. I was going to be going home for the holidays in a few days yet I still needed to get in the holiday spirit. Jay suggested decorating the apartment. He even went with me to buy all of the decorations. He was no longer just Adam's friend. He was becoming one of my very close friends as he was always there when I needed him. It didn't hurt that he only lived fifteen minutes from my apartment.

"I guess it's just what people are used to. If you've only lived in warm climate your whole life, you have no experience with white Christmases," Jay said as he carefully pulled the next glass ball from the box. I smiled and took the ornament from his hand.

"Like how do you sing songs like 'White Christmas' and 'Winter Wonderland' when you are surrounded by sun and sand?" I asked with a laugh.

"You don't have to tell me. I'm Canadian, remember," he said with a grin.

"How could I forget? You and Adam remind me almost every day," I joked sarcastically as he gave me another ornament for the tree.

"Speaking of Adam, you going up north for Christmas?" Jay asked as he opened the box of tinsel.

"I am going north, yet not as north as he would probably like," I said with a laugh as I stepped down off of the small stepladder. "I'm spending Christmas with my family in New Jersey. Adam's going to come the day after so we can celebrate the holiday before he has to go back on tour."

"The life of a WWE wrestler. Got to love it," Jay said sarcastically with a laugh as he threw of bunch of tinsel on the fake tree.

I just nodded my head and watched him finish trimming the tree. WWE and TNA may both be wrestling companies yet that may be where the similarities end… well maybe not quite. Yet after having many a conversation with both Jay and Jeff on the subject, when it comes down to it, the WWE's hectic traveling schedule can make things quite burdensome. Having romantic relationships and even families is hard when you're always traveling around the country, sometimes even the world. TNA is based out of Orlando, and while they do travel, it is on a much smaller scale.

"It'll get better when I'm able to travel with him," I said with a sigh as I picked the star tree topper up from the table. "Then we won't just see each other once a week."

"He's looking forward to it too," Jay said with a grin.

I smiled sadly and looked back down to the star in my grasp. It had been two weeks since the last Raw I was able to attend. Adam came and visited when he could, which was usually just one day a week. We made the best with what we were dealt. It was just hard being in a place I wasn't used. Jay tried his best to make me feel comfortable, yet he had a life of his own. It was a good thing that his wife was such a sweetheart and understood how much I needed Jay's support.

But homesickness wasn't the only thing that was weighing heavily on my mind. Ever since John brought up the fact that Adam was jealous over my relationship with Jeff, it was hard to shake from my mind. I was very comfortable with my relationships with both men and I was beginning to see jealousy in both of them. Jeff and Adam would avoid all mention of the other man, which isn't all that surprising. Yet if I would bring the other man up, they got either awkwardly silent or snappish. Even though Adam said that he would never make me choose between the two of them, it was _certainly_ feeling like it.

"Jay," I said softly as I sat down on the sofa. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," he said with a quizzical look as he came and sat next to me.

"It's about Adam… has he…" I stopped and tried to figure out how to word my query. "Has he said anything to you about me and Jeff?"

Jay looked away from me for a second. That action alone told me the John wasn't that far off in his assessment of Adam. Jeff and I haven't seen each other since the last Raw I attended, yet we talk regularly. He and Beth were doing really well in their reconciliation. He said that there was a lot of work still to go to fully repair the damage that was done, but he was in it wholeheartedly. At least that is what he _told_ me. Sometimes, I swore that there was something about the way he looked and talked with me that was a little more than friends. It would always just get pushed back into my mind because I just figured that that was the way Jeff was. But it was hard to be sure.

"He talks about how you guys are really good friends," Jay said sheepishly. I knew that there was more and waited for him to talk. Yet all was silent.

"That all?" I asked.

"Nam, it's a little complicated," Jay said as he turned to look me straight in the eyes. "You are very good friend of mine… and I would love nothing more than to tell you. But Adam is like my brother and…" He drifted off and gave me a look telling me that I wouldn't be getting anything out of him.

"I understand," I said as I stood up and walked toward the tree. "Just next time you talk with him, try and convince him that he has _no reason_ to be wary of Jeff."

"I've tried telling him that already," Jay said as he joined me. "He's hardheaded and won't listen to anyone."

"For a second there I thought you were going to play the Canadian card again," I said with a laugh.

"I would have, but I figured that I have used that excuse a little too much recently," he said jokingly. I handed him the star. He looked at me puzzled.

"Do the honors?" I asked with a grin. He smiled and placed the star on top of the tree without assistance from the ladder. Damn wrestlers being so tall.

"There we go," Jay said as he stood back and looked at our masterpiece. "If this doesn't put you in the holiday spirit, I don't know what will."

"How about Adam?" I asked quickly with grin. "Go get me Adam and I'll be cheery."

"You know, the three of us really need to get together soon," Jay said as we went back over to the sofa. "Ever since you two have been dating we haven't been in the same room together once."

"Tell me about," I said with a sigh. "Maybe after I…"

_"__Take me for what I am!  
__Who I was meant to be!  
__And if…"_

"Shit, it's Danielle," I said as I reached for my cell phone.

"Isn't she your friend?" Jay asked confused.

"Yeah, but she sort of… well, I sort of haven't really been telling her about _everything_ that has happened in my life," I said as I slowly flipped the phone open.

"She knows you're in the WWE right?" Jay asked with a laugh as I put the phone up to my ear. He leaned back with a grin on his face, like he was going to enjoy this.

"Hey Dani," I said as I glanced over at Jay.

"Why haven't I heard from you in the past week?" Danielle practically shrieked into the phone. "You need to check in or I get nervous that you're hurt or… I don't know…"

"I'm fine, really. I've just been_ really_ busy," I said with a grin. Just thinking about Adam made everything better.

"She doesn't know about Adam does she?" Jay asked softly yet in a very knowing tone. I gave him a look which launched him into laughter. "Some best friend _you_ are."

"Is someone there with you?" Danielle asked as I chucked a throw pillow at Jay.

"It's just Jay," I sighed into the phone, knowing that I would have to tell her sooner or later. It's not like I didn't want my friends to know about me and Adam. It was just I was trying to find the best way to do it. I came into this competition against my will and now I was dating one of its biggest Superstars.

"_Just Jay_? Who's Jay?" Danielle asked. I sighed.

"A friend."

"I don't know anyone in the WWE with that name," she said as she tried to think of who it could be. One of the things I had actually told her was that all the people I hung out with were wrestlers. Too bad she was thinking of the wrong company.

"Alright Dani, I am just going to come out in the open with everything," I said. I was sick of hiding. She was one of the ones that I could be _totally_ honest with and I wasn't. I guess it was just becoming a habit. "I was going to tell you and Steven when I got home but I might as well do it now. I've sort of been seeing someone for…"

"Is it John?" Danielle asked excitedly. I laughed and shook my head.

"No, I'm not dating John," I said aloud so Jay could understand the conversation.

"Randy?" she asked again.

"God no!" I exclaimed. "She thought I was dating Randy."

"Now that would be interesting," Jay said with a laugh.

"Look, before you go through the whole roster… I'm dating Adam," I said quickly. She was silent on the other end. "I think she died of shock."

"You are really dating him?" she asked softly.

"Yes," I said in a confused tone. "Is there something wrong with…"

"No, it's just… I sort of thought you were kidding when you said you were dating someone," she said with a laugh. "I mean you, Nami Shepherd, someone who vehemently _hated_ everything pro-wrestling is dating…"

"Thanks babe, but I have gone through all of it already," I said in a slight curt manner.

"Wow. I wonder what your father is going to say," Danielle said. I knew that it hadn't sunk in yet cause she didn't sound overly giddy. I also thought that she truly didn't believe me. She had every reason to have her doubts. I sometimes couldn't fathom it either.

"He's actually met Adam already… at Thanksgiving," I said.

"You brought him to your family dinner?" Danielle asked. "It must be serious then. How long?" It seemed like she thought I was fabricating the whole. I felt like she was just leading me on and waiting for me to crack. Too bad that it _was_ the truth.

"A little over six weeks," I said with a dreamy smile which earned another laugh from my companion.

"Six weeks and you didn't tell me?" she exclaimed.

"I'm sorry… it was just a lot to take in. The competition was still going on and training was brutal," I said even though I knew it was a pretty piss poor excuse.

"Whatever," she muttered. I would need to find a way to make it up to her. "Well, I have to go. Since you've been gone, it seems we have double the work load."

"Dani, wait," I said with a sigh. "Did I mention the sorry part? I really am. I know that I was every shade of wrong in not telling you, but… it was a little confusing at first."

"Confusing?" she asked.

"Yeah… and I will tell you all about it," I said. "Yet that I'll save for a time when his best friend isn't sitting right next to me."

"Best friend?" Danielle asked. "Oh my God… _Jay _is _Christian_! Holy shit… you_ really are_ dating Adam!"

"She believes me now," I said with a laugh looking toward Jay. "She's figured out who you are."

"This is… this is intense," she said, finally excited and fully believing. "Have you seen the new WWE magazine? I'm guessing you have… he looks so hot."

"He _is_ hot," I said with a laugh.

"I know I am. No need to brag," Jay said with a smirk.

"Captain Charisma over here thinks we're talking about him," I said with a grin.

"He's hot too… even though I might have to give the slight _edge_ to your boyfriend," she said with a laugh. "Sorry bad joke."

"Uh-huh… how about I call you later and we can have a girl talk session?" I asked.

"You better call this time! I need to know all the details," she said with a squeal.

"I will… Talk to you later… Ciao." I sighed and put the phone back on the table. "Sorry about all that. I figured that I needed to tell her."

"So... you could have had your girl talk. I wouldn't have told Adam anything," he said with a grin.

"Sure you wouldn't have."

* * *

"Babe, are you sure you don't want me to come? You know that I'll just say fu…"

"Adam, please… we'll see each other soon," I said through a sniffle. "You need to stay healthy. And besides, Randy needs you to carry the team. If you get sick, Rated RKO is doomed."

We fell into small talk yet soon it just took too much of my energy. I must have caught something on the flight home for the holidays because ever since then, I have been pretty much confined to my bed. I went to Christmas dinner at my father's house yet that was my only time out of my apartment since returning to New Jersey. Today, Adam was supposed to come and visit, but I cancelled. There was no way I was getting him sick and having to have that on my conscience. I already had _enough_ stuff to bear.

"Call me tonight?" I asked hoarsely before entering into a coughing fit.

"Of course, but I think you better get some rest," he said in a comforting tone. "You don't sound so good."

"Thanks… just what I wanted to hear," I said with a slight laugh which turned into another cough. "Ugh, I hate being sick."

"I hate you being sick too," Adam said with a laugh of his own. "I'll check on you later. Feel better."

"Thanks. I miss you," I said with a small smile. I really wished that he was here yet I knew that this was for the best.

"Miss you too," he said. "Bye."

I flipped the phone shut and fell back into my tissue covered bed. I rarely got sick yet when I did, it took me forever to get well. My body seemed to go through every flu symptom and wouldn't start to heal until it had. It seemed that I just wasn't having the best times with holidays this year. I decided to take Adam's advice and try and sleep.

The next thing I remember was hearing incessant knocking on my apartment's door. I sat up groggily and slowly made my way to the door. I peered through the hole yet was too ill to notice who it was. I leaned my weight against that handle and unlocked the door.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I quickly stepped back.

"I brought soup."

"I'm sick! I told you yesterday that I was sick and…" A sneeze broke my statement.

"And I'm here to take care of you," he said as he pushed his way through the doorway.

"I can't take you getting sick," I said as I pulled a tissue from my robe. "I told Adam the same thing. At least _he_ listens to me."

He set the cans of soup on the table before taking me by the hand and leading me to my bedroom. Even though he had never been here before, it was like he knew the place as if it was his own. He led me to my bed and got me all comfortable before placing a light kiss on my forehead.

"I was your savior for Thanksgiving. Don't think I am just going to give up that title."

I smiled up at my best friend as tears came to my eyes. Jeff was simply amazing. I knew that Adam would be here if I hadn't told him not to come, yet Jeff came all on his own. I hadn't even known that he was in the area. I would hate to think that he came all the way here just because I complained about being sick.

"You have no competition," I said with another sniffle. He handed me the box of tissues before turning to leave.

"Where are you going?" I asked as I pulled a tissue from the box.

"To make us some soup," Jeff said with a grin as he left my bedroom.

I smiled and relieved my runny nose. I threw the tissue into my pile and fell back on the bed. I reached over and pulled my WWE magazine off of the end table. I traced the planes of Adam's chiseled face and smiled. Even with the DX tape over his mouth, he was a very handsome man. I had the best boyfriend in the world. Yet I also had the _best _best friend in the world. I flipped through the pages, smiling whenever I saw one of my friends. Quickly, my eyes began to droop and everything faded to black.

"Soup's done."

I opened my eyes with a groan. I looked over at the clock and saw that it had been almost two hours since Jeff left to go make the soup. Did it take that long for him to open a can and boil the contents? I struggled to sit and watched as Jeff pulled the wood bed table from the side of my bed. He laid it across my lap and put down the steaming bowl of chicken noodle soup.

"Have I told you how amazing you are yet today?" I asked with a grin as he handed me a spoon. He laughed and picked up his own bowl. He sat down across from me on the bed.

"Was that before or after you were trying to kick me out?" he said with a laugh. I took a few spoonfuls of soup before answering.

"I don't want you getting sick because of me," I said with a small smile. "I would absolutely die if you were going up for a Swanton and had a coughing fit and fell because of me."

"I hope that's the medicine talking," he said with a laugh. "Either that or you have an overactive imagination… not saying there is anything wrong with that. But still… I want to be here."

I smiled and we continued our lunch. We talked about the holidays and going back on the road. It had been confirmed that my first night onscreen would be the fifteenth of January. I was excited yet at the same time nervous. Vince still had no idea what I would be doing on the broadcast yet I was scheduled to report.

When lunch was finished, Jeff took the dishes to the kitchen. I decided that I wasn't going to lie around in bed all day and just wait for myself to get better. Jeff came all the way to see me and I was going to make the best of it. I got up and walked out into my living room and was astonished at what I saw. It was my oven, disconnected and in my living room. I gaped at the sight and watched as Jeff came back in the room.

"I'm going to take it down to the street as soon as…"

"Huh?" was all I managed to get out, as I stopped his statement. He took my hand and led me into my kitchen with a grin. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a new oven, fully hooked up and, if the soup was any indication, working.

"Maybe I should complain about things more often," I mused, still in a little bit of shock. It wasn't the actual present itself. It was the thought that Jeff had actually went out of his way to do something like this for me. But, I guess that's what friends are for.

I turned to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek forgetting all about the illness that I could easily pass to him. He wrapped his arms around me and I reciprocated the action. I looked up at him with a smile on my face.

"Marry me?" I asked jokingly. He grinned back down at me before lightly brushing his lips against my forehead.

"Name the time and place… and I'll be there."

* * *

"It's almost midnight."

Chatter arose around me yet I just continued to sip on my glass of champagne. It was finally New Year's Eve and I could only hope that the new year started better than the last one ended. I had finally gotten over the flu yet was still aching on the inside. I hadn't seen Adam in over two weeks. He had to be at Raw for tomorrow's show so I wasn't going to be seeing him for at least another three days.

"What's with the long face Shepherd?"

I looked up at the speaker with coldness in my eyes. Christy Smith had been my rival since high school. We tried to be civil with each other since we both were good friends with Steven. Yet she knew how to get on my nerves.

"Oh, I know. Sad to be starting the new year all alone," she sneered. I rolled my eyes and took another sip of the room temperature liquid. Oh, that was the_ other_ reason I couldn't stand her. She was the reason that I broke up with Caleb, the only serious boyfriend I have ever had... well _besides_ Adam.

Their constant flirting made it hard to trust him. I still believe to this day that he was always faithful to me, but you never know. The last few months were pretty loveless and we were just together because we didn't know who we were if we weren't a couple. It was always Nami and Caleb... Caleb and Nami. We were together for most of high school all the way up to the end of my sophomore year in college. I thought that we would be together forever. I guess I was just naïve.

"Leave her alone Chris," Steven said as he came over and put an arm around me. "You always have me."

"Thanks," I muttered, not really in the mood to be celebrating. Danielle gave me a look from the other side of the room. She was the only one who knew about my relationship with Adam. I wanted to tell Steven. Yet ever since I returned, he seemed a little different. It's probably that he had been hanging out with Christy too much in my absence. At least, that is what I _wanted_ to believe.

"Cheer up," he said. "I'll find you someone. Once you debut on Raw, you will have guys begging for a date."

"Oh yes," I said curtly. "Those are _exactly_ the type of people I want to date." I got up off the couch and put my now empty glass on a table. It was 11:50. I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and flipped it open, finding the number I was looking for.

"Your call has been forwarded to…" I flipped the phone shut in frustration. Why was Adam's phone off?

I needed cheering up and decided that if anyone could do it, it would be Jeff. I really didn't want to bug him as I knew he was throwing a party with his friends in Cameron. Yet I needed to hear his voice, if only for a minute. I decided to step out on the front step and call as it was getting pretty rowdy inside Steven's house. And the only people I could stand at the party were Danielle and Steven. I only came because Danielle dragged me out of my apartment saying that I couldn't spend New Year's Eve alone.

I shivered slightly as I walked out the front door. I was right about to call Jeff when my phone vibrated in my hand.

"New message from Jeff."

I swear he could read my mind sometimes. I flipped my phone open with a smile:

_Happy New Year Meemz  
__-Matt, Shane, Shan, & Jeff_

I smiled and sent them all a quick reply. Another car pulled into the driveway as I was typing. I furrowed my brow yet didn't look up from my phone. Why would someone show up with only a minute to the New Year? It didn't make much sense seeing how this was a New Year's Eve party.

I sent the messages and flipped my phone shut. I looked down at the bottom of the stoop and my mouth fell open in surprise.

"Adam?"

He grinned up at me before joining me on the top step. He leaned down and captured my lips in a passionate kiss. So much for waiting for the New Year. There was nothing gentle or soft about the kiss. We had missed each other too much for that. I heard the mass of people inside beginning the countdown from thirty seconds. I pulled back and smiled up at him.

"Let's get you inside," he said as he reached around me to open the door. "I really don't need you getting sick on me again."

I laughed as he wrapped his warm arms around me and led me inside. We walked into the living room yet all of the attention was on the descending ball on the screen.

"_17… 16…"_

"I can't believe you are here! How did you even find the place?" I asked. I had told him I was going to Steven's for New Year's yet didn't tell him the exact location.

"It's called the internet babe," he said with a smirk. I playfully whacked his shoulder and turned away from the television to face him.

"I missed you so much," I said as I ran my fingers through his golden locks. He leaned into my fingers and I smiled. There was nothing else that I needed to say to him. He was here and back in my arms. That was all that mattered.

"Right back at'cha," he said with a small wink. I still couldn't comprehend that he was here. It was like a fairy tale come true.

_"8…7…6…"_

"I guess my New Year won't start off so bad after all," I said with a grin as he leaned his head down so our foreheads were touching.

"I can't wait to get you home… well to _your_ home," he said with wide grin.

"_3…2…1…"_

Adam sealed the gap between us and our lips met in a frenzy of desire. I heard cheering all around us yet it was only for the New Year. It didn't bother me. Nothing bothered me. Not as long as Adam was here by my side. When we needed to pull back for some much needed air, I sank back down onto my flat feet. He grinned down at me, but soon looked at the people around us. I turned around and saw that all eyes were on us.

I saw Danielle was smiling in glee. Steven was absolutely shocked. And Christy… let's just say it certainly put her in her place. I stared right at her with a smirk of my own.

"Guess I won't be starting the New Year all alone after all."


	27. It's Not Hard To Dream

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. This chapter includes dialogue and events from the 1/15/07 edition of Raw. I thank everybody who has read and reviewed. A huge major thank you to my three uber loyal reviewers: "unlimited emerald0307", "Fozzy-Floozy", and "Farra Sti". You guys amaze me and I thank you for the constant support. :-) Peace and Love!!

* * *

_

_January 15, 2007  
__7__:39__PM_

_Raw is onl__y a half hour away. The crowd is already in__ the arena here in Shreveport, Louisiana__ watching a few of the matches before the live broadcast__. And I am a nervous wreck. Tonight is not only my first onscreen appearance since the Diva Search ended almost two months ago, but it is also my first match. Well… sort of._

_It looks like the Hardys got their wish. Vince said it was because he thinks that Jeff and I have great chemistry backstage. Jeff could only wholeheartedly agree. So tonight I was going to be his tag team partner against Johnny Nitro and Melina. __Yet not at first._

_Yes, I know that I am probably confusing you all but that __is__ the first thing you need to know about the business if you couldn't tell from my already twisted tale… it IS confusing! All the time! You think you get it and then something happens and__ you are thrown through a loop and trying to find your footing once again. Tonight, Maria is going to start out as Jeff's partner. Yet shortly into the match, Nitro is going to push Jeff into Maria, knocking her off the apron and injuring her. __That's where I come in. And thus, starts my storyline with Jeff that will be continuing for a few months to come (or at least that is what Jeff hopes... no official word until after the match)._

_I met most of the Raw Divas this morning. I had already been somewhat acquainted with Melina, but__ the rest were a total mystery. Maria was as sweet and bubbly as she was on camera, just not as ditzy. That wasn't that hard to believe. Melina was a total sweetheart outside of the ring, no matter how catty she may act on camera. __The other divas Victoria, __Mickie__, etc… were all very amiable and the whole experience wasn't as nerve-racking as I thought it would be._

_Jeff, Maria, Nitro, Melina, and I have already gone over the match and everything seems doable. __Nothing too flashy on my part.__ Yet when you have a partner like Jeff Hardy, you don't need flash to have a great match. He can do it all on his own. He was going to…_

"Meemz, you in here?"

I quickly shut my journal and put it back in my bag.

"Yeah, come in," I said as I zipped up the bag and stood up. Jeff came strolling into the room already decked out in his classic Jeff Hardy ring attire: black tank top, black pants, normal white and black arm warmers, and boots. He set his Intercontinental belt on the couch and gave me a hug.

"You ready for tonight?" he asked as he still held me close.

"_Ready_… maybe. Nervous… hell yeah," I said with a laugh as I turned to look up at him.

"That's normal… especially for your first real match," he said with a grin.

"Well, at least I have the best partner in the world to share it with," I said as I pulled away from him.

He smiled at my compliment yet didn't respond. I looked away from him and paced a little in the room. Saying I was nervous was probably the understatement of the year. I had had a few matches when I was training in Tampa, yet nothing like the match I was in tonight. Those first few were in front of maybe a few dozen people while tonight, I would be wrestling in front of millions.

"You need to relax," Jeff said with a laugh as he watched me continue to pace around the room. "When you start stressing out and getting too nervous, that's when things go wrong."

"Thanks for making me feel _so much_ better," I said sarcastically as I continued to pace the room.

"I'm serious," he said as he came to stand in front of me, lightly gripping my arms to stop my motion. "Just relax. We've been over the match many times. There is nothing to be nervous about. Just be the sweet, charming girl that I know and you'll be fine… Besides, you're beginning to make me nervous."

"Oh so even the great Jeff Har…" A knock at the door halted my statement. I laughed slightly as went over to greet the newcomer.

"Do I even want to know why you are knocking on your own locker room door?" I asked as I stepped out of the way so John could enter. He greeted Jeff and turned back to me.

"I didn't want to walk in on something that I wasn't supposed to see," he said with a small grin. I gave him a look, as I thought that he meant something between myself and Jeff. He quickly picked up on my confusion.

"I didn't mean…" He stopped and gestured between the two of us. "I meant… forget it, I've said enough."

"Isn't your segment first?" Jeff asked trying to break the tension that had fallen over the room. John nodded as he drained the contents of his water bottle.

"Yeah, got to head that way right now actually," John said looking over at the clock before turning to me. "But I needed to stop by and wish you good luck." I smiled as he came over and gave me a friendly hug. He kissed me lightly on the cheek before pulling back.

"Thanks champ," I said with a smile. He slightly winked at me before waving to Jeff and heading out the door. As soon as the door shut, I began my pacing anew. My match was the first real match of the night. After John had his contract signing for his Royal Rumble match with Umaga, the tag match would start off the real action of the night.

"Come on," Jeff said as he grabbed his belt in one hand and my hand in the other. "Let's get out of here. Show's going to start soon."

I took one last look at the empty locker room and followed Jeff out the door and towards my future.

* * *

_"And making their way to the ring… the team of Maria and the Intercontinental champion Jeff Hardy!"_

I took a deep breath as I watched the screen from the gorilla position. It would only be a few minutes before I would be out there. I wished that time would just stop and maybe rewind a bit. Yet where would it stop? This was what I was destined to do ever since I signed that contract. And it wasn't like I wanted every aspect of my life to change. It was just the nerves. They really were getting the best of me.

_"And certainly a lot of animosity has been brewing over the last several weeks involving Johnny Nitro and Melina and Jeff Hardy,"_ JR commentated as Jeff and Nitro prepared to start the match.

I looked down at my attire and fidgeted in the outfit that was picked out for me. My image was supposed to be like _the girl next door_ with a little more sex appeal. I was happy that I wouldn't have to wear something really revealing like a lot of the Divas wore. It just wasn't me. My attire now wasn't exactly what I would consider Nami-like, yet it was close as I was going to get: a white spaghetti strap tank top that cut off an inch before my navel which was covered with a sheer light pink sweater that hung off the shoulders, a short white pleaded skirt, light pink knee pads, and white boots. My look was more cute than sexy and that was fine by me. As I was lost in my thoughts about my outfit, I felt a hand brush against my exposed thigh and a familiar feeling on my neck.

"I was wondering where you went off to," I murmured as I kept my eyes on the screen.

"Meeting ran a little long," Adam murmured before returning his attention to my neck. I sighed contently as some of the nervousness melted away with his touch. Melina started her loud screaming as Nitro threw Jeff to the ground. I groaned knowing that I would soon be going out there.

"You're going to do fine," Adam said as he spun me around sensing my discomfort. I looked up into his eyes and gave him a small smile.

"I'm just… really, really nervous," I said as I glanced back to look at the screen. Jeff was about to hit the twist of fate and I knew that my time backstage was almost up.

"No need to be nervous," he said as I watched Nitro throw Jeff into Maria. I flinched as she fell off the apron and to the floor below. Nitro had crawled back to Melina and made the tag yet Jeff's partner was out on the ground.

"I have to get going," I said as the ref went to check on Maria. Jeff looked confused in the ring as Melina started to taunt him. He couldn't hit her because of the mixed tag team rules, not like he would lay his hands on a woman in the first place. As I turned to head toward the curtain, Adam pulled me back and right into a kiss. I didn't care if he messed up my makeup. It was worth it.

A few more refs and medical staff workers walked by me and were headed down the ramp, which meant that it was my time to depart. Melina was already heading out of the ring to try and throw Maria back into the match, even though she was injured. I took another deep breath and turned back away from Adam.

"Wish me luck," I said softly as I took a few steps toward the curtain.

"You don't need it. Just remember, no elbows," Adam said in response with a grin. I turned to look at him with a smile. Falling correctly was the _least _of my worries. One more deep breath and I sprinted down the ramp.

I could barely hear the crowd as my heart was beating too loudly. I made it to where Melina was kicking Maria and pushed her off. Jeff and Nitro were in the ring battling in out even though they weren't the legal participants. My attention turned back the woman in front of me. She slapped me across the face and that started our battle.

After a few moments of more or less cat fighting on the outside, she tossed me underneath the bottom rope. Both Jeff and Nitro stopped fighting as Melina got in the ring. I got on my feet and gave Jeff a small smile as he walked back in his corner. This was it… my first match. I tried to block out the noise and the crowd and just concentrate on Melina who was coming right at me. She slapped me across the face and grabbed my hair. I had to admit: it _hurt like hell_. My hair wasn't as long as most of the Divas as it barley reached my shoulders. Thus to get a good hold on it, Melina needed to grasp it pretty tightly.

She whipped me over to the turnbuckle and tried to face plant me into the ring post. I quickly grabbed the ropes and pushed back against her. She let go of my hair and I grabbed her. I grasped the back of her head and threw her into the top turnbuckle. I did it one more time before turning around and giving her a running bulldog. I got up off of the mat and looked down at Melina selling the move I had just executed. This was _actually_ happening. I was wrestling… and it was strangely fun and exhilarating.

She slowly got to her feet and I tried to throw her to the rope yet she countered and tossed me to bounce against the rope. Yet when I came back at her, I kicked her on the side of her head. She stumbled back. I took a few steps back to get a running start to go attack her again. Of course, I knew the real reason for my hesitation. Nitro reached over the ropes and spun me around. The distraction was all Melina needed to punch me from behind. It caused me to fall on my knees. I was happy for the knee pads that Jeff_ insisted_ I wear as they saved me from a lot of pain.

I rolled over and faced Melina yet she just kicked me once more with her boot. I tried to get up, but another kick thwarted that attempt. I glanced briefly over at Jeff and saw him concentrating hard on the action in the ring. Even though I was trying my best to look like I was in pain and I had to admit I sort of was, it was hard when seeing the support he was showing. Melina grabbed me by the hair once more and threw me right back down onto the mat. I must say that I made my boyfriend proud by letting my back take the brunt of the fall. There was no time to savor the feeling of success for Melina quickly was on top of me.

"Roll over," she whispered in my ear when her face was close enough to me to go undetected. She pushed me slightly yet I did most of the work. I knew that my greatest test was about to come now. I had been practicing for awhile yet now I would have to put it to use. Could I sell a submission hold? Melina came around and sat on my lower back while wrapping her arms around to lock in the camel clutch.

I grimaced as Melina pulled my head back. My right hand was on her pretending to try and get her to release the move. I heard Jeff begin to clap and try to give me the momentum to break the hold. I begin to groan aloud as Melina kept up with the submission hold. I held my pained expression as I continued to try and pry her hands away from me. I got my left hand to connect with the side of her head and Melina quickly face planted me to the mat and got up. At least _that_ was over. My head was really starting to hurt.

Melina pulled me to my feet by the hair yet I quickly turned around and elbowed her in the face. It was about time for the guys to get back in this match. God knows, I needed a break. She let go of me yet quickly kicked me in the stomach. I doubled over and she lifted me up. As she was holding me, getting ready to do a move, she let out one of her trademark screams. I thought it was bad on the television. Being that close to her almost deafened me. I regained my composure and kicked her in the side. She dropped me to the mat as she fell herself from the effect of my kick.

She struggled over to Nitro and tagged him in. Since it was a mixed tag match, Jeff didn't need to be tagged in. He didn't have a chance to come in as Nitro bumped him off of the apron. I struggled to my feet as Nitro turned to look at me. He grasped my arm and twisted it behind me as his smirk widened. I knew that I needed to sell it so I shrieked in pain as he continued to work on my arm.

Jeff jumped into the ring and threw him onto the mat.

"You okay," he mumbled to me as I stumbled to my feet. I gave him a small smile and made my way out of the ring. I crawled underneath the bottom rope as I heard the crowd erupt. I smiled as I pulled myself into a standing position in the corner. Melina's screaming broke my haze as Jeff flew at Nitro, knocking him onto the mat. I held my side, still trying to sell the pain I was in, and cheered Jeff on.

I pulled my eyes away from the match and looked around. It was surreal. I can honestly say that I had never seen anything like it. Thousands of people staring right this way. It was thrilling to say the least. I turned my attention back to the match just in time to see Jeff execute the Whisper in the Wind. I clapped and cheered for him. He looked over with a grin as he headed to the ropes. He ducked under the top rope and saluted the crowd before climbing on the second turnbuckle which meant time for action again.

Melina ran over and grabbed Jeff's leg to halt the oncoming attack. I quickly got into the ring and bumped her off the apron. I gave Jeff a smile before leaving the ring to attack her on the outside. My attention was no longer on the match but on Melina. Just as I was about to attack her, Maria was at my side, holding her neck slightly. I smiled and bowed my head, giving her free reign on the fallen woman. I stood back and watched as she exacted her revenge on Melina for Nitro's earlier action.

I continued to watch the girls slug it out until I heard the crowd counting the pinfall. I turned around and smiled as Jeff had won the match. Maria and I both slid in the ring to congratulate Jeff.

"Here are winners… your 2006 Diva Search winner Nami and Jeff Hardy!"

I couldn't believe that I had actually won my first match. Granted, I really didn't do much. It still felt great. The ref handed Jeff his belt and raised both of our hands in victory. We spun around and let the crowd cheer as Maria clapped for us in the ring. She pulled Jeff into a quick hug before doing the same to me. Jeff gave me a smile and pulled me into a hug of his own.

"You did it darlin'," he whispered in my ear. We pulled away and I smiled up at him. He grinned back down at me and I realized that we most likely had broken character. He looked away from me to acknowledge the crowd. I just smiled and Maria came to give me another hug.

"How does it feel?" she asked with a big smile.

"I don't think exhilarating is a strong enough word... a little pain which I am sure will turn worse when the adrenaline wears off," I said as we watched Jeff climb on a turnbuckle to recognize and pose for the crowd. Maria and I waved and smiled as at the crowd. I didn't feel that I was even in the same league as Jeff so I didn't attempt to go near the corners of the ring. Besides, I am sure I would make a total ass of myself trying to stand on the ropes. Hadn't really had much practice in that aspect of wrestling. Never thought I would have a need for it.

The Titantron flashed to a scene from backstage with the Coach and Vince alerting us that the cameras had stopped rolling. Jeff jumped down from the last turnbuckle. He opened the ropes and gestured for us to exit the ring. Maria went first and I followed. Jeff gave one more wave to the crowd before jumping down and following us up the ramp. He came up and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"We should do that more often," he said, as there was no fear of the camera catching us speaking. I laughed and turned to look at him.

"Just name the time and the place and I'll be there," I said with a grin. Those were the same words that he used to answer my faux marriage proposal and I knew that he remembered. He laughed and pressed a slight kiss to my temple which earned a reaction from the crowd.

"Oh shit," I murmured as both of us had forgotten about the fact that we were still in view.

"At least I _know_ that Vince will keep us together now," he said as he pushed back the curtain. Maria scooted on ahead chuckling slightly as I followed.

"Please don't tell me you planned that," I said as we made it back to the gorilla position.

"Planned what?"

I turned from Jeff to look at my confused boyfriend. I smiled and ran to embrace him. He leaned down and captured my lips in his own.

"I'll talk to you later," I heard Jeff say, yet Adam did not let up on the kiss. I knew the reason was not only the fact that he was _oh so happy_ to see me. It was more or less the fact that it showed Jeff that I was unattainable. He pulled back and I sighed. So much for this rivalry getting any easier.

"You looked great out there," Adam said as he ran his fingers through my hair. I smiled up at him.

"Thanks," I murmured.

"Good first match, even though you let Hardy do most of the work," Randy said as he came up behind me and laid his arm across my shoulder. I laughed slightly at his comment as I lightly elbowed him in the stomach. I turned around to face him with a smile on my face. He grinned down at me and pulled me into a hug.

"Orton, Copeland… thirty seconds."

I pulled back and looked at the two men. I straightened Adam's Rated RKO vest and leaned up to give him a quick kiss.

"You two go out there and be the egotistical jackasses I know you can be." Adam grinned down at me and leaned in for one more kiss. He wrapped his arms around me when I tried to pull away. I submitted and my hands ended up back in his golden locks.

_"You think you know me."_

"We need to go… now!"

I pulled back from Adam and pushed him toward the curtain. He turned around and winked before grabbing a microphone from a tech worker and heading out onto the stage. I turned back to look at the monitor yet soon there was a rush of people entering the small confines of this area. I smiled, took one last glance at the screen, and quickly walked down the steps to the hallway. I rushed back to the guys' locker room so I didn't miss that much of the segment.

"There's the woman of the hour!"

I smiled as I entered the locker room and was greeted with a big embrace from John.

"You did great," he said with a grin. "Most people don't win their first match."

"Yes well, _most people_ don't have Jeff Hardy as their tag team partner," I said.

"_Shut your mouth!"_

"Wow, Randy can even ruin a conversation when he's not in the room," I said with a laugh as I turned my attention to the screen. John laughed and the two of us settled on the couch to watch the rest of Rated RKO's segment.

_"Now many of you know the reason why Edge and I teamed up and that is to take out DX for good," _Randy said from their position at the top of the stage.

"I don't like angry Randy very much," I mused as I turned to look at John.

"Oh you like the narcissistic jerk Randy Orton that you usually get to see?" John asked with a laugh.

"Hey, he makes things interesting," I said as I looked back at the screen.

_"And nobody is gonna be able to stop us from laying out Shawn Michaels for good and ending DX once and for all," _Randy continued to rant.

"Yeah right," I murmured with a laugh.

"Did you know that they are thinking of putting me with Shawn to go against those two?" John asked.

Now that Triple H was hurt, they were scrambling to find a way to continue the feud. The company had put to much effort into building up the feud to let it burn out before it was ready. I tried my best not to think about the injury. It just made the danger of the business so real.

"I do now," I said with a smile, answering John's question. "You going to take their titles too?" He laughed at the question.

"Maybe," he said coyly. "Two belts are definitely better than one."

"And you call Orton _narcissistic_," I mused as I shoved him slightly with my arm.

_"Let me take it away, let me give you a little fun fact,"_ Adam said as Randy left to 'check on something backstage.' I figured that that was what the big commotion was about when I left the area a few minutes prior. _"It just so happens that Shawn Michaels' television debut happened right here in Cajun Country. And that's fitting because Shawn Michaels' last match is gonna take place right here tonight."_

"I don't like angry Adam either," I said with a small pout.

"Do you like angry Cena?" John asked. I laughed at his question.

"I don't like _any_ Cena," I said with a smirk. It was his turn to shove me slightly. "I'm just kidding. You know I love you."

"Sure, sure," John said with a mock frown. He soon broke out into a smile and pulled me closer to him. "Those two sure know how to make a mess of things."

_"Look __it's__ Hacksaw everybody,"_ Adam told the crowd while pointing to the unconscious bloody man they dragged out from behind the curtain. _"How's it going Jim? You've been a pal of Shawn Michaels for close to twenty years, haven't ya?"_

"I wonder what those chairs are for," I said sarcastically as Randy dropped two steel chairs on the stage. "Will they ever get sick of doing conchairtos? I mean, it was cool when Adam and Jay did it because the opponent was actually standing. And when Adam was solo, I saw why he needed to do a one person conchairto. But now… I mean there are two people in Rated RKO."

"Point dually noted," he said with a amusement in his tone. "You have really been thinking about this."

"Not really," I said with a sigh.

I had been watching a lot of Adam's older matches. Both Danielle and Steven had so many old VCR tapes filled with previous shows. I even saw the infamous birthday party with the kazoos and streamers. Finally I got the joke that had eluded me for months. Working in the business made me want to learn a lot more about it. And I was happy I had. I was beginning to see the entertainment value in it after all.

"Yeah right, like Randy could hold back all of those refs," I said as I watched Randy hold back over a half a dozen officials while Adam executed the conchairto on Hacksaw. Whenever Adam or Randy got near a ref, they scattered. It was quite humorous.

"Looks like your boy will be back here soon," John said as the screen cut for a commercial break. I smiled and turned to John.

"You have a match?" I asked.

"Nope. Rated RKO has the main event tonight," he answered.

"Doesn't mean that you couldn't have a match," I said with a chuckle. He gave me a look and I groaned. "Please, I already have one egomaniac to deal with. I don't need two."

"You comparing me to Orton now?" he asked with a grin.

"If your head got any bigger, you could be the next member of Rated RKO," I said.

"We're not recruiting," Randy said as he walked through the door obviously overhearing me. "And besides, if we were, we would definitely get someone sexier than Cena."

I rolled my eyes at his comment as Adam walked through the door. He threw his belt on the chair and flopped down next to me on the couch.

"Missed me?" he asked with a smirk.

"Not really," I quipped.

"Don't listen to her," John said as he got up off the couch. "She was going over the history of the conchairto while you were gone."

"Aw, _how cute_," Randy said sarcastically. I reached for the nearest thing throwable, which happened to be the television's remote and chucked it at John.

"Hey! He said it."

* * *

I tried and tried and _tried _some more but sleep was evading me. Adam's tight grip around my waist halted me from going anywhere even though I was quite content and comfortable where I was. I nestled my head on his chest and tried to sleep again. Nothing.

Tonight had been an exhilarating night to say the least. I had been victorious in my first match and was already given a stable characterization. Vince had called me into a meeting and said that because of my actions after the match, Jeff and I would be paired off for awhile. Jeff had gotten _exactly_ what he wanted. Vince said that it would mean less time actually wrestling on my part, as some nights I would just valet for Jeff. He heard _no complaints_ from me.

The man lying next to me had quite a few though. He said that he knew Jeff had planned the whole thing. He knew that_ this_ was Jeff's way of trying to come between us. I didn't call him on anything cause I was starting to believe him. Adam calmed down and took his frustration out on Shawn Michaels in the match. He came backstage after their no contest bought and was in a better mood. We went to the hotel and hoped to have some nice time alone. Yet we had to wait a few hours as everyone I had ever known seemed to call my cell.

I tried to talk to everyone, speaking longer to close friends and family. Yet it just got to be too much. It was almost one in the morning before the calls ceased. Adam tried his best a few times to pry me away from my conversations. He almost succeeded once yet then Carly called and I knew that I needed to talk with her. He got to let out his frustration and _tension_ shortly after and all of the earlier annoyances disappeared. And now, he was sleeping soundly with a content and sated look on his face… _lucky him_.

My new year was starting out wonderfully. I had a great boyfriend, great friends, and for the first time in a while, I actually felt happy. The past few weeks had been very eventful with my training coming to an end and starting to travel with the company. After my final day of training, Jeff surprised me by coming and picking me up. Instead of taking me to the airport to fly home to New Jersey as I had originally planned, we drove the ten hour trip to Cameron, where I spent a few days with him and his friends.

It was certainly an interesting trip. I got to meet Beth and after the first few hours of awkwardness, we seemed to hit it off all right. I could tell that she was a little suspicious about my relationship with Jeff yet that was nothing new to me. I was sleeping with the king of paranoia, especially when it came to that subject. Matt and Shannon were there as well. Shannon tried to convince me to get a tattoo. I responded by saying that my father would kill me and that really wasn't far from the truth. I may have been twenty-three years old, but I would always be _daddy's little girl_.

I also got to spend a lot of time with Adam as he tried extra hard to visit as much as possible. We were at the two and a half month mark and it felt amazing. My only real relationship prior to this may have lasted longer yet never felt this right. This _was _right. What I was feeling at this moment in time was right. And I just hoped that it would last.


	28. If This Is What It Takes

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE or its Superstars. Lyrics in this chapter belong to Aqua and Incubus. The events in this chapter, including dialogue are from the 1/22/07 Raw broadcast. Thank you to everyone who has read. And now to my reviewers, who surprised me by the amount of support for the last chapter. I was really busy with papers but I pushed it all back to get this one written and out. Thank you all: "Fozzy-Floozy", "Farra-Sti", "niki", "Ramihel", and "decemberunderground". You guys are amazing with your constant support and I thank you again. It really helps me to keep writing and muse to not run away. :-) Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

"Being accompanied to the ring by Nami… from Cameron, North Carolina, representing Raw… weighing in at two hundred and twenty five pounds… he is the Intercontinental champion… Jeff Hardy!"

Jeff came out from behind the curtain first and did his traditional Jeff Hardy dance. I stood right out of the camera's view until he was done and the pyrotechnics had finished shooting into the air. He extended his arm and looked my way, signaling me to join him. I put my best smile on my face and took his hand in mine. He lightly placed a kiss on it before quickly walking down the ramp with a determined look on his normally unperturbed features.

This match tonight against Joey Mercury was a revenge match. As I made my way down the ramp, the Titantron flashed to scenes from last week's Smackdown when all three members of MNM took out Matt. They delivered their finishing move, the Snap Shot, on Matt right onto some exposed concrete. With their match at the Royal Rumble only a week away, this match was going to be the last chance to gain momentum. Or at least, that is what the announcers were building it up as.

Jeff went to two of the turnbuckles and acknowledged the fans by the time I made it to the top step. He came over and separated the ropes so I could step in. We both turned toward the ramp and watched as the last bit of the Smackdown highlight rolled, signaling MNM's imminent arrival. I put my hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture as the camera turned back to us. Yet he did not take his eyes off the ramp… tonight was about making MNM pay.

The first few notes of MNM's entrance music played throughout the arena and Jeff put his hands on his knees in concentration. I took my hand off his shoulder and glared up at the three newcomers who were posing at the top of the stage. It was hard not to smile, especially since I knew that all three were nothing like their characters. Yet this week, I was determined not to break character. I didn't have a match tonight. This was my only job: cheer on Jeff. And I was going to make sure I did it damn well.

They sauntered down the ramp and Jeff straightened up, flashing his gun symbol with one arm and Matt's version one symbol with the other. I continued to bore a hole right into Melina, trying to think about her bitch character and not the sweet woman she was. The three made it to the bottom of the ramp and started posing anew. Jeff undid his Intercontinental belt from his waist and handed it to me. He gave me a slight wink before running and launching himself out of the ring. He landed directly on the two men, as Melina scattered back up the ramp. Unfazed, Jeff flashed the same hand gestures her way, while I hastily exited the ring.

The bell rung after Jeff threw Mercury into the ring to start the match. Mercury was still wearing his face mask after his injury at Armageddon. I still remember the exact moment that he was injured. It was one of those times that you knew right after it happened that the move had gone wrong. Yet at least they got a storyline out of it… some consolation prize.

I cheered as Jeff took down Mercury and stripped him of his fur coat. I had slung the belt over my shoulder for safe keeping. It was definitely heavier than I thought it would be. Even after all of the time I had spent backstage, I never actually held a belt until now. It was sort of uncomfortable on my bare shoulder. Next time I came out with Jeff, I would wear sleeves. Since they knew I wouldn't be wrestling, the wardrobe department had me wearing a strapless pastel yellow cocktail dress. The material was covered by an even paler yellow lace, making the dress sparkle when the lights hit. My outfit was topped off with pastel yellow ballet flats. I had to say that the outfit was actually a lot more my style than even last week's was… even though I felt like a porcelain doll. It all did feel a little too prim and proper for this line of work.

Vince had decided to make an _opposites attract_ storyline. It was the daredevil Jeff Hardy being paired with the nice newbie Nami. Things were going to start slow and continue to build. He said that most likely it will culminate in an on-screen romance. He just wanted to make sure that we had enough chemistry to be able to pull it off. I don't think he will have any doubts about that.

Mercury had gotten the upper hand on Jeff and threw him underneath the ropes. He landed on the mat outside the ring and Nitro quickly ran to start ripping it from the floor. Mercury was distracting the ref as Melina made sure Jeff was still down. Now it was time for me to do my part. I slammed my hand down on the ring and yelled for the ref. He looked my way and I frantically pointed to Nitro and his actions on the outside of the ring. He left Mercury's side and jumped out of the ring just as Nitro was heading toward Jeff.

For his actions, Nitro was ejected from ringside. I smiled and cheered as Jeff stumbled to his feet. Melina was not as pleased and ran over to have a few words with the ref. This got her ejected as well. I went over to Jeff's side and gave him a quick peck on the lips. No, I didn't do it on my own… it was scripted. I was sure that Adam was seeing red backstage since I didn't actually tell him that that would happen, but I would deal with that later. I just _had_ to keep focused on the match.

Jeff crawled back into the ring yet was quickly clotheslined by Mercury. I grimaced on the outside and cheered for him to recover. It was very easy to get lost in the action and adrenaline and forget that it was all predetermined. I would never use the word fake when it came to pro-wrestling… not after being in the ring. The matches may be determined ahead of time, but the action in the ring was very real.

Mercury had Jeff on the ground and was delivering quite a few hard right hands to his head. I continued to cheer on Jeff, along with the rest of the crowd in Lafayette, Louisiana. A "Hardy" cheer arose throughout the arena, and gave Jeff the momentum he needed to gain the upper hand once more and get to his feet. He gave Mercury a clothesline of his own. He ran past Mercury and jumped up on the turnbuckle. The next thing I knew, Jeff was flying through the air executing the Whisper in the Wind.

Mercury quickly stumbled to his feet yet was quite fazed by the attack. He stumbled over to the ropes and I glared up at him from where I was standing below. He turned around and walked right into the Twist of Fate. Mercury's already bruised face was slammed into the mat and that is all Jeff needed to seal the victory. Jeff quickly rolled out of the ring and over to my side as Nitro and Melina came sprinting back into the ring. He threw his arms around me in an exhausted hug.

"Here is your winner… Jeff Hardy!"

Jeff turned back and acknowledged the crowd behind us as we made our way toward the ramp. Our eyes stayed glued on the irate couple as they tended to their hurt friend. We walked backwards up the ramp so we could continue our stare down with the occupants of the ring. I placed the title on its rightful owner's shoulder and he flashed me a grin. We both looked back to the ring as Jeff flashed them both of the Hardys signature gestures once more. We made it to the top of the stage and Jeff waved to both sides of the crowd. He took the belt off his shoulder and held it slightly over his head. Melina started screaming in the ring and I smirked at her while patting Jeff on the back.

The cameras cut and the Titantron flashed to a backstage scene with Coach and Vince. We both waved to the crowd once more before walking toward the curtain.

"Good match," I said as he pushed the curtain open. He shrugged and ran I hand threw his purple and yellow locks.

"It was all right… a little sloppy," he murmured as we walked through the gorilla position. I sighed and knew that he was in one of his moods. Jeff was not so much a perfectionist as his brother could be when it came to matches. Yet he always wanted to put on the best show possible. If he felt that there was something he could have done better, he would beat himself up over it until he had re-watched the match. Then he would realize that the match was perfectly fine the way it was.

Yet I knew that that was not the only thing bothering him. Jeff had been a little off all day. When I tried to talk to him and figure out what was bothering him, he put his guard up. He would normally spill everything to me and we would work through it together. Today… he seemed to be lost in his own thoughts and didn't want anyone to assist him.

As we proceeded toward the stairs leading back to the hallway, Vince McMahon and Coach headed our way. Jeff bowed his head to both of them and continued on his way. I tried to do the same.

"Ms. Shepherd, it seems that the crowd is taking to you very well," Vince said as I walked past him. I turned around and smiled.

"It would seem that way… sir," I said, trying to be as formal and polite as I could be. He smiled and turned to talk to a few of the technicians so I politely bowed my head to Coach and turned to head down the stairs.

"I was wondering where you were."

I looked down at the bottom of the step and saw a grinning John Cena. He stood off to the side and I started down the steps.

"You looking for me Cena?" I asked jokingly as I reached the bottom step. He laughed and wrapped his arms around my shoulder.

"You looked cute out there," John said as he pulled back and adjusted the belt on his shoulder. "You and Jeff look like total opposites yet there is just… something about you guys that clicks."

"It's probably because we're good friends," I said with a laugh.

"There's something else," John said with a look of contemplation. "But I'd be damned if I knew what it was."

"Cena… one minute."

I turned back up and saw the tech worker walk back to the gorilla position. I figured that John would be interrupting Vince's segment.

"Well, I guess you better get going," I said, turning my attention back to the champ.

"Yeah, besides Adam's probably looking for you," he said with a small smile. I rolled my eyes and really didn't want to think about his reaction to Jeff's match.

"Probably," I muttered. "See you later champ." He gave me another small hug before heading up the stairs for his segment. I walked down the hallway yet decided not to go see Adam yet. I wanted to get out of my ring attire first and I wanted to give him more time to cool down. I headed over to makeup and wardrobe to get back into my street clothes.

"If it isn't Hardy's new girlfriend."

I strolled past Randy in a makeup chair and headed to where the costumer was. Yet I didn't make it far as the Legend Killer reached his hand out and grasped my wrist. I turned back to him with an annoyed look gracing my features.

"What was with that little lip lock out there?" Randy asked.

"That is the exact word to describe it… _little_," I said exasperatedly. "I don't know why it is such a big deal."

"Maybe the _big deal_ is that you have a boyfriend on the staff already," Randy said with a hint of anger in his tone as he tossed my hand away.

"It was in the script Rand," I said as I sat down in the chair next to him. "It's not like I did it on my own accord."

"Either way, I am sure you wouldn't have minded," Randy said in a cold tone.

"I don't need to explain myself to you," I said as the makeup artist came over to Randy. "I better go see Adam right now though."

"Yeah, you better," Randy said as he turned his chair back toward the mirror. "And Nami… don't fuck it up."

I glared at the sitting man before storming my way out of the area. What was with everyone? It was just a kiss… one small, little, meaningless kiss! Yet people were making it seem like it was the end of the world. I'd seen Superstars and Divas kiss on screen before and it wasn't a major deal. Why were people making this kiss one?

I made it back to the locker room and tentatively opened the door. I saw Adam had his back turned to the door and was on the phone. I closed my eyes and tried to relax as I stepped inside. There was no reason to be nervous for I didn't do anything wrong. I closed the door softly yet it was enough for Adam to hear. He turned around and looked at me. I smiled, but a smile barely made it to his features.

"Yeah… mom, I'm going to have to call you back later… I love you too… bye."

While Adam was finishing up his conversation with his mother, I took a seat on the couch. I closed my eyes and laid my head back against the material. The room fell into silence and I felt the seat shrink down next to me. He pulled me closer to him and my head rested on his shoulder. I refused to open my eyes and just let myself relax in his arms.

"I'm not mad at you if that is what you are thinking," Adam murmured into my ear. I smiled and turned my head so I could look into his eyes.

"I guess you figured I bumped into your friends?" I asked with a small smile.

"They are _your_ friends too," he answered with a laugh. "And… yeah, Orton was going off on something about you two. I bought into it for awhile, but I remember the promise that you made me."

"Promise?" I asked with a quizzical look. He laughed and answered my question with a kiss. My confusion melted into bliss as Adam pulled me closer, throwing my legs over top his lap. He nipped at my bottom lip seeking entrance and I was only oh so happy to oblige. Yet soon we needed to break away for some much needed oxygen.

"You… promised… that you… would be better than I have been in the past," Adam said in between placing light kisses on my neck. "You always tell me... that there is nothing to be worried about… and I believe you. I know you had to do it and… I support you."

"You support me?" I asked with a laugh. "I didn't realize that I needed it." Adam frowned at me and I pulled myself from his grasp.

"What's your problem?" he asked dully.

"My problem?" I asked. "My problem!? I appreciate _your support_, but I don't really understand what you mean. It's _my job_ Adam. I didn't write it and…"

"But I am sure you didn't mind it," he said looking away from me.

"Whatever," I murmured as I got up off of the couch. I went over and grabbed my bag. So much for him not listening to Orton.

"Where are you going?" he asked in a slightly heated tone.

"I need to go get changed," I said as I slung the bag over my shoulder. "And you need to calm down."

He stood up to stop me, but I wasn't having it. I leaned up and gave him a quick kiss before leaving the locker room. I couldn't stand being around Adam when he was like that. It was like he was physically there, but we weren't mentally connecting. He was off in his own world of suspicions and speculation.

I walked back down the hallway toward the wardrobe area. I just wanted to change and actually leave for the night. It was only my second week on the job and already I was tired and sore. I needed some relaxation, even if it meant camping out with Jeff for the night. I didn't think I could handle Adam anymore tonight.

"Hey Nam… locker room is that way." I smiled as John walked closer to me.

"I need to head to wardrobe," I said. "I take it your segment went well."

"I'm hurt that you didn't watch," he said in mock offense.

"Sorry… Adam and I were… arguing, I guess," I said, not really sure what I would consider our conversation. It really couldn't be considered an argument in my eyes because he had no valid point to side with. Yet it definitely wasn't a civil conversation.

"Thanks for the heads up," John said with a laugh as he headed down the hallway toward the locker room. I shrugged and continued on my way. When I finally made it to wardrobe, I was happy to see that Randy was no longer in a makeup chair. Guess it didn't take that long to make his bruises look absolutely horrid.

I got out of my ring attire and back into my street clothes. I pulled the "Rated R Superstar" sweatshirt over my head and thought back over the past week. I didn't work either of the two house shows with Jeff as management had me at photo shoots and interviews most of the week. He didn't need me that much anyway, as he was in a few fatal four way matches for his title belt. Besides, we weren't an established managerial couple yet so it didn't matter if I wasn't out there.

Adam and I got to spend a little more time together as he came with me to a few of my shoots. He only had two shows to attend and no other professional obligations. It was nice having him by my side and helping me get acquainted with the business. We were growing closer and closer every day. Jeff didn't seem to be bothering him… well until our little lip lock outside of the ring. It really wasn't a big deal in my mind. I had to watch him and Amy kiss on screen when they were no longer a couple. It was the same thing.

"Hey, great job out there tonight."

I smiled as Maria joined me. She motioned over to the makeup counter and we both sat to talk. She had already recorded her interview segment for the night and was just hanging out backstage with the other Divas. I still wasn't that comfortable with most of the Divas, as evident by the fact that I still used Adam's locker room as my own. It wasn't that I didn't like the Divas; it was just that we were so different. And they were sort of the reason I had started this assignment to begin with. Now that I was becoming more comfortable in the business, I felt awkward trying to continue with my initial "_the Divas are slutty eye candy_" story.

We turned toward the small monitor when we heard her interview with Kenny start.

"Do you like what you do?" I asked as I watched her act like her ditzy character while the interview progressed.

"Of course," she said with a smile. "One day, I know my role here will go beyond this, but I'm happy where I am now. I'm still in training, but soon I should be wrestling on a more regular basis."

"Oh," I said as I continued to watch her interview. "Sorry, if I sort of took your spot in that match last week. You deserved it more than me."

"Hey, don't sweat it," she said. "Besides, you two make such a cute couple." I just gave a slight smile and turned back to the screen just in time to see Adam come on the screen.

"Ugh, I really don't need this right now," I said as I put my head in my hands.

"You don't like Adam… or is it Randy? He can be a little hard to take at first," Maria said with a laugh. "Well, maybe not just at first, but you get used to him."

"It's not that," I said as I looked back at the screen as Randy screamed at Edge for leaving him alone in the ring last week.

_"You know I got hit with a sledgehammer too!"_

_"You know I'm not done yet!" _Randy yelled into Adam's face. I wish I had the nerve to do that. Every time I get that close to him, I lose all of my nerve to do anything. _"I also got left for dead in the ring with Shawn Michaels who gave me a conchairto to my face. Is that why you didn't expect me to be here?"_

_"What did you expect me to do Randy? He had hit me in the ribs and…"_

_"That's no excuse! That's no excuse! We're partners, you should've been there to help me out," _Randy said, looking both angered and hurt. Maybe I should get Randy to talk to Adam for me… oh right, he's on Adam's side. _"Last week Edge, wasn't every man for himself. That's this Sunday at the Royal Rumble."_

_"Okay Randy, okay! So you're not here on a social visit. You didn't come all this way for a social visit, so what is it Randy?! Bottom line it for me! Are you gonna help me get revenge on Shawn Michaels in the street fight or what?"_

_"Well Edge, 'partner'… you go out there, have your street fight with Shawn Michaels, and we're just gonna have to see what happens," _Randy told the disappointed Adam before leaving the room.

"So you like one of them?" Maria asked with a big smile. I looked over at her as the scene ended and smiled. I guess the locker room didn't know about Adam and I.

"I'm surprised you didn't know," I said with a smile.

"Usually the locker room is full of gossip, but there has been so much going on as of late to pay attention to all of it," Maria said with a sigh. "Judging by your outfit, I would say that you're into Adam."

"It's a little more than just into," I said. "We're dating."

"Really?" Maria asked surprised. I nodded and shifted slightly in my seat. "How long?"

"Pretty much since Cyber Sunday," I said with a smile.

"You hadn't even won the Diva Search yet," she said with a grin.

"Yeah, I know. We sort of met really early on in the competition," I said. I didn't get into many details as I didn't know how the gossip chain in the locker room worked yet. Besides, it really wasn't anyone's business how we got together. I didn't mind if people knew about it though. I thought that maybe that would show Adam that I truly care for him.

"No kidding," Maria said with a laugh. "I don't really know Adam all that well, but he seems like a nice guy… so unlike his character."

"Uh-huh," I said, as I could tell that she had something on her mind and didn't want to start a dialogue.

"But… you and Jeff are friends, right?" I nodded my head and she continued. "That must be a little rough. Those two don't exactly see eye to eye."

"More actuate would be to say that they can't stand to even be in the same room as each other," I said with a groan. "It sucks that my best friend and boyfriend hate each other. It's been the topic of many arguments between both men."

"So that's why…" Maria started gesturing to the screen which was now displaying John's match against the Coach. I nodded, as I figured she meant my reaction to Adam when he was on the screen. "I'm sure everything will work out."

I nodded and rose from my seat. Maria and I both said our goodbyes and parted ways. I knew that Adam had a match in a half hour and didn't want to bother him anymore than I already had. I decided that the best thing to do would be to just go back to the hotel. I would talk to him as soon as he got back from the show. It was a good thing that I had the keys to the rental.

I walked out of the arena's backdoors and headed to my car. I knew that Adam would figure out that I had left and just bum a ride with Randy or John. It's not like they would mind.

_"I'm a Barbie girl  
__In the Barbie world,  
__Life in plastic,  
__It's __fantas__…"_

"Hello? I said into my cell phone. I had no clue who it was as the tone was not one that I had programmed. Why would I?

"Someone sounds confused. Don't you look at the ID before picking up the phone?" Shannon's voice rang from the other end and I had to laugh and ask the obvious question.

"Why _Barbie Girl_?" I asked him still chuckling as I made it to my car.

"It's all about secrecy," he said, his grin coming through in his tone. "Anyone that looked at your phone might think it's a girlfriend calling you."

"Okay," I said. "But why do I need so much secrecy? I don't care if you call me."

"Adam probably does," Shannon said frankly. I unlocked the car door and threw my bag in the backseat.

"I really don't care what Adam thinks," I said brusquely.

"Uh-oh… I sense that there is a little tension between you two lovebirds… _surprise, surprise_," Shannon commented sarcastically.

"He's just upset that I am in a storyline with Jeff," I said as I got into the car and put the key in the ignition.

"And I bet that little kiss you gave him didn't help matters," Shannon said. I started the car and pulled out of my spot. The hotel was only a ten minute drive from the arena, which was another reason that I had offered to drive. I wasn't a big fan of doing any driving. I was the only person in my high school that didn't care about getting a license. Driving just wasn't my thing.

"_That kiss_ was scripted," I said as I tried to concentrate on both Shannon and the road at the same time.

"Still probably made Adam jealous as Hell," Shannon said happily. I rolled my eyes at his glee. I swear that I thought I was dealing with high schoolers on a daily basis. And they called me the baby of group? I may be the youngest by far, but I definitely act more mature than all of them combined.

"Yes well, Adam is just doing what Adam does best… being an overprotective boyfriend that thinks that I am out to get him," I said with a sigh.

"You know what they say… what comes around, goes around," Shannon said. "He's just waiting for karma to come back and bite him in the ass."

"I just wish he could realize that I have no romantic feelings toward Jeff," I said. "I mean, it's not like I think of Jeff like a brother or anything, but…"

"So you do have something for Jeff," Shannon said. "It's okay to admit it. It will just be confirming Matt's theory."

"Oh?" I asked. "And what is Matt's theory exactly?"

"He thinks that what happened to him with Ames is going to happen with you and Adam," Shannon said truthfully.

"I doubt that Adam will cheat on me if that is…"

"No, that's not what he meant. He thinks that… you know… you and Jeff are going to get together behind Adam's back," Shannon said softly yet in a confident tone. "Finally righting the world once again… in Matt's mind anyway."

"I guess Matt's world will never be righted then," I said boldly. I was sick of everyone thinking the worst of my relationship with Adam. I was happy. He was usually happy. And I didn't care about his history. It was exactly that: _history_.

"Whatever you say Meemz," Shannon said with a chuckle. "You and Jeff looked great out there tonight."

"Thanks," I commented dryly. "You might want to call him. I think something is bothering him. He was… a little distant today."

"I'm sure it's nothing," Shannon said indifferently. "It's Jeff we are talking about here. He goes through more mood swings than probably you do."

"Thanks again Shan," I said sarcastically as I pulled into the hotel's parking lot. We had already checked in earlier so there was no need to pull up front. I parked in the first spot I found yet stayed in the car to finish my conversation.

"I know you know what I mean," he said. "But I will call him, for your sake more than his. I know that he is just being Jeff. Something you've got to get used to."

"Uh-huh," I said. "Well, I better get inside so I can see Adam's match."

"Yeah, the street fight is on next so you better hurry if you want to make it," Shannon said, obviously watching the broadcast.

"Thanks… I'll talk to you later," I said as I opened the door.

"Call me anytime," he said.

"Same here, especially since you have an incognito ringtone," I said with a laugh. "I still can't believe you downloaded that on my phone."

"I can't believe you didn't notice it on your phone," he said as I pulled my bag from the backseat.

"Shows how much I actually use my phone for anything but calls," I said with a laugh as I slammed both doors shut and turned toward the hotel.

"Get a good night's rest and I'll try and see what's the matter with him," Shannon said.

"Thanks Shan," I murmured into the phone. "Talk to you later."

"Bye Meemz," he said as he hung up the phone.

I flipped my phone shut and slipped it into my bag. I didn't think that Jeff was just undergoing a normal mood swing. Cause little did Shannon know, during those mood swings, Jeff still could open up and talk with me. It made me feel special that he felt close enough to me that he would never try and hide anything. We had a very special relationship and deep friendship even though we had only known each other for a couple of months.

I quickly made my way into my hotel room and tossed my bag on the ground. I grabbed the remote, turned the television on, and channel surfed until I found the USA network. JR and King were going over the matches for the Royal Rumble on Sunday, so I knew that I had not missed the main event. Even though I was still a little annoyed at my boyfriend, I knew he would want me to watch his match. He liked when I would talk to him about it afterwards.

The channel went to a commercial with the announcement that the street fight was coming up after the break. I took the time to get into my pajamas and get ready for bed. I knew that I wouldn't be sleeping until much later in the night, especially if Adam came back and felt that he needed to show me _how sorry he was_. It has happened before.

_"You think you know me."_

I sighed and lied back down on the bed as I got ready to watch the main event. It was different watching wrestling now that I had actually been out there, in front of that crowd. I watched as Adam walked purposively down the ramp and couldn't help but remember that_ I_ had walked down that ramp earlier._ I_ had stood in that ring. _I _had been cheered by those fans… well, mainly Jeff was cheered, but I was there.

_"__And from San Antonio, Texas… __Degeneration-X member… the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels!"_

Lillian could barley finish her introduction, as Adam and Shawn went right at it. Punching and trying to take the other man down, I knew that this was indeed going to be a street fight. No real wrestling tonight for these two. Like Jeff's match earlier in the night, this was a revenge match. Shawn Michaels was trying to avenge his fallen friend, Triple H. And Edge… well he was just trying to get revenge for being beat up last week. Randy would have more of a reason to want to destroy Shawn, as he suffered the brunt of last week's exchange. Yet I knew that he would be getting his hands dirty tonight. I didn't even need to know the script to figure that out.

_"And he just filled Edge's head with a steel trashcan,"_ JR said, after Shawn whacked Adam on the top of his head with the now bent piece of metal.

I grimaced as he struggled to get to his feet. And when he was able to get to his feet, Shawn clotheslined him over the ropes and onto the mat outside. It was really hard watching Adam, especially when I knew that we didn't end things on the best of terms. I should have been more in his corner than I was when I left. I knew that when he was in the ring, he tried to block everything out even if he was hurting on the inside.

Just when things were going back and forth between the two and they were both lying in pain on the ground, the station cut for a commercial. I threw my pillow at the screen. I guess this was my punishment for leaving the arena. If I was there, they would still have the camera feed running in the back. Now, I was left in the dark as to what was happening. Minutes seemed to be taking hours to complete as I waited for Adam's match to return.

_"In this battle here on Monday Night Raw, Shawn Michaels has been busted open at the hands of Edge,"_ JR commentated as the match came back on the screen. Thanks a lot USA Network, I missed my boyfriend kick ass. At least they showed a replay of what transpired during the break: Adam slamming Shawn Michaels face first into the steal steps which were brought in the ring. Adam got out of the ring to get a ladder and I shielded my face from the action.

Nothing came of it as Shawn came over and punched him in the ribs, which were taped because the sledgehammer shot he endured last week. But after a few minutes of going back forth, he went to the turnbuckle and threw the ladder in the ring and on top of the fallen Heartbreak Kid. This is why I hated watching Adam's old TLC matches. I knew that everyone ended up being okay afterward. Even so, my heart felt like it had stopped beating a few times. Like when Adam speared Jeff when he was hanging from the title belts high above the ring. I still don't know how either of them walked away from a lot of the shit that they pulled. At least Adam had said that he's taking things slower now.

Shawn's face got bloodier and bloodier by the minute. I was happy that my boyfriend's features had yet to be stained red. Shawn started beating him in the face with a chain and I was happy to see that at least they weren't throwing each other around the ring. Yet as soon as I thought it, Shawn picked Adam up and suplexed him onto a ladder that was still in the ring. Shawn started to climb up on the turnbuckle, probably to jump on top of the defenseless Adam. But Adam was able to get up and try to fight him. All that did was made Shawn get the upper hand and throw him onto the ladder. Now, his face was red as well.

Shawn was really building momentum and it looked like there was no way Adam would win the match. He was able to duck out of the Sweet Chin Music, yet his spear didn't connect. Instead, Shawn jumped on him and came out punching. The next thing I knew Adam was getting hit in the head with a steal chair. I knew that by now he knew how to take a chair shot correctly, but it still didn't help ease my nerves.

_"I wish you were here,  
__I wish…"_

This was the first time I think I ever silenced a call from my father. There was no way I could break away from this match. It wasn't so much that I was entertained. I was more fearful for Adam's safety. I knew that he had been through worse matches and only really blacked out once. For a newbie to this business, it was hard to decipher reality from scripted. Still can never say the word_ fake_… if anyone ever debated me, I would just show them a tape of this match.

Shawn was setting Adam up for a one man conchairto… poetic justice, I guess. Adam was lying helpless on one steel chair and Shawn picked up another. He headed over to where Adam was lying and got ready to lift the chair to swing. Yet just as he got it over his head, Randy came out of nowhere behind him. I was actually shocked as it was like he was hidden until that moment. He pushed the chair out of Shawn's hand and gave him an RKO. Shawn fell to the ground and Randy slumped into the corner, leaning against the turnbuckle and ropes for support.

Randy looked possessed as he watched his partner slowly crawl over and cover Shawn for the win. As soon as the bell had rung, Randy slowly moved away from his corner, hollering at the ref when he got in his way. Adam looked quite surprised as Randy stood over him and offered to help him to his feet. I knew that something was up. Randy Orton in real life wasn't that courteous. As soon as he was on his feet, Randy grasped him from behind the neck, ran him over to the ropes, and threw him to the ground.

Adam struggled on the ground as Randy set Shawn up for a conchairto of his own. Ric Flair ran down and prevented him from executing the chair shot. Carlito and Kenny both came down and there was a battle for supremacy… all trying to prove that they would be victorious at the Rumble. Shawn prevailed and the broadcast went off the air with the camera going back and forth between Adam and Shawn's bloodied faces. At this moment, I wished that I was still backstage. I wanted to be there when Adam came back into the locker room. Yet there was nothing I could do about that now.

I wrote a little in my journal, as a lot of things had transpired over the course of a few hours. I couldn't get myself in the best mindset though so I decided to stop. I was going to call Adam, just to hear his voice and talk… maybe apologize even. I wouldn't mind swallowing my pride and telling him I was a little oversensitive if it meant that he wouldn't be angered when he returned. I decided against it. It would mean more if we were face to face… over the phone is too impersonal.

I knew that I could always call my father back, but I really wasn't in the mood to talk. The only thing I wanted to do was be with Adam. I didn't even care if it meant that we would be at each other's throats. I just wanted to see him. I paced around the room and watched the minutes tick by. The television was long turned off and the only sound in the room was my soft footsteps on the carpet. I knew that he would be a little later than normal. First, he would want to take a shower at the arena and then he needed to find a ride. I knew that I was in for it when he got back.

I stopped my pacing and sat on the bed, anxiously awaiting his return. I knew that it would probably be any minute. I didn't want to think what would happen if he decided to go out. I knew that I wouldn't be able to rest until he returned. The silence in the room was broken by the sound of a card sliding through the lock: Adam was back. I sat with my back to the door as I heard it open and shut. I tried to figure out what to say. I turned around and I stood. Adam dropped his bag at the end of the bed and came over to stand in front of me, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Ad…"

I didn't get a word out as his lips quickly silenced me. My already parted lips made it easy for Adam to quickly slip his tongue in my mouth. I moaned as he dominated the action, yet not in a harsh way. He was passionate sure, but still gentle. My hands ran through his damp hair in total contentment. Adam's hands found their way underneath my tank top. One stayed on my lower back, holding me tightly against him while the other made its way up to cup my right breast. He circled his fingers and my breast soon showed signs of my arousal.

I moaned once more into Adam's mouth as he pulled back from the kiss. I slowly sunk back to my flat feet and opened my eyes. His hands had not left their places and were still pleasuring me as I tried to formulate a coherent thought. I looked up at him and saw desire in his eyes. I knew that it matched my own. I brought my right hand out of his hair and stroked the side of his face, happy to see that he wasn't really busted open because of his match.

"I'm sorry."

We both looked into each other's eyes in amazement at our simultaneous apology. He smiled down at me and pulled his hands out from underneath my shirt. I groaned at the loss which earned a chuckle from my boyfriend. He pushed my arms slightly causing them to fall from his head. He quickly grasped both of my hands in his and brought his forehead to mine. It was just like old times again, when we weren't even dating yet still so attracted to each other.

And it was in that moment that I knew that no matter what happened, Adam and I were both in this relationship for the long haul. No matter what was thrown our way. No matter how paranoid he would become and how annoyed I would get. None of it mattered. _This_ mattered and I was going to savor every minute of it.


	29. Slipping In Between

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I do not own the WWE and its Superstars. This chapter includes dialogue from the 2007 Royal Rumble. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed. The support for the last chapter made me put off studying to get this chapter completed. So big thanks go to "Farra Sti", "XtremeGirl619", "unlimited emerald0307", "Fozzy-Floozy", "bajan-martini" and "gonzalez89". This chapter is a building block for the next three to come which will be the main turning point of this section of the story. Thanks again to everyone! Peace and Love!!_

* * *

"Come on Matt!"

The night of the Royal Rumble had finally come after weeks of build up. The Hardys' match was the first one on the card for the broadcast. The match kept going back and forth. It looked like it could go either way, even though we all knew who would be the victors in the end. Unlike a few of the previous nights, I had no real part in the match. My whole purpose of being there was to keep my eyes on Melina to make sure it was a fair match. And then there was of course the need to build the on-screen relationship between Jeff and myself.

No matter what it looked like on-screen, things were awkward between us at the moment. Shannon hadn't discovered anything useful and continued to tell me to lay off of him. I figured it was the best thing to do and he would come to me when he wanted to talk. I know I hated it when my friends bugged me incessantly about stuff. The thing was that Jeff had yet to cave and tonight was the first time we had spoken since Raw.

I tried to focus on Matt and Nitro in the ring, but my thoughts kept drifting to the man standing on the apron right in front of me. Why was he being so distant? It was killing me a lot more than I tried to let on. I knew that Adam figured something was up between the two of us and I could tell he couldn't be happier.

Matt had gained the upper hand on Nitro and was setting him up for the Twist of Fate. The whole crowd, myself included, broke out into screams of approval as the move was executed successfully. As soon as Matt got up after the move, Mercury came charging into the ring. Matt was setting him up for the Twist of Fate as well, but Mercury just had too much momentum. Both men tumbled through the second rope. Luckily, Jeff was able to get a blind tag on his brother's back and became the legal man.

Instead of entering the ring, he immediately climbed up on the top turnbuckle. Nitro was still lying defenseless from Matt's attack. Jeff got balanced and performed a perfect Swanton Bomb. I looked through the ropes at Melina on the other side. She was beside herself and it was quite funny to watch. Jeff rolled over and covered Nitro for the win. As soon as the bell had rung, both Matt and I found our way into the ring.

I smiled as Jeff pulled me into a hug. I let his Intercontinental belt slip down my shoulder and find its way to my hand. I handed it to him when we pulled back. Matt was next to congratulate his brother on the victory with a hug of his own. The Titantron flashed a few highlights from the end of the match. All three members of MNM were on the outside of the ring, at the bottom of the ramp. Both Nitro and the still facially-braced Mercury were sitting in pain and glaring at the three of us with contempt in their eyes. Matt and Jeff went and showed their support to the crowd while Melina and I verbally yelled at each other. We didn't have a clue what we were saying to each other cause we were not in the same proximity, but it was needed to fuel our feud.

Jeff, Matt, and I continued to acknowledge the crowd as MNM made their way backstage. We were told to stay in the ring until MNM had left before retreating. The crowd was fine with it, as it gave the boys a chance to go to every turnbuckle for a photo op. I on the other hand felt totally out of place. I was only a valet and really didn't feel like I even belonged in the ring with wrestlers of this caliber. I still kept smiling and cheering for the guys, even though I felt like I was making a total ass of myself.

I wasn't paying attention to the scene on the Titantron as the Coach and Teddy Long were talking about Smackdown. Yet as I turned toward the ramp to see if MNM were gone, I saw a familiar blond Canadian come into the screen's picture.

"_Coacher__."_

_"Edger."_

I grinned at the screen and almost laughed out loud at the face Adam made after Coach called him 'Edger'. But then of course I remembered that I was still in front of sixteen thousand fans who could see my every action.

_"Hi Edge."_

My facial expression dropped a little when the camera pulled back to show another one of the Divas. I really didn't know exactly who she was, as she wasn't one of the Raw Divas that I had become accustomed to. She was blonde, sounded ditzy, and was wearing next to nothing. She was what I associated as the typical WWE Diva before joining the company.

_"__I'm Kelly __Kelly__ and I'm and exhibitionist… and the official Royal Rumble match tumbler."_

_"Mm-__hm__… you're the tumbler. Isn't that cute? Bless your little heart. That must be really __really__ difficult work," _Adam said with a sarcastic grin as he went to retrieve his number. Okay, that time I actually did laugh out loud but figured that people weren't watching me.

_"__Let me ask you a question Kelly __Kelly__… did your parents name you twice so you wouldn't forget your last name? Is that… is that what happened there?"_ Adam asked with a mocking laugh. God, he was so good at being a jerk. You just loved to hate him.

"You ready?" Jeff asked curtly, pulling my eyes from the screen. Matt was already out of the ring at the bottom of the ramp while Jeff was holding the ropes open for me.

"Yeah, sure," I murmured as I walked over and climbed out of the ring, keeping my attention on the screen.

_"Well at least that is my real name."_

Uh-huh… sure it is. Adam's face turned from lighthearted mocking to totally sarcastic. I walked down the steel steps and fell instep alongside the Hardys up the ramp. Jeff reached over and grasped my hand in his. Yet my attention was elsewhere so I hardly noticed it.

_"Oh now hold on. Kelly baby, don't you worry about E__dge," _Randy said as he came onto the scene. They cut the blonde Diva totally out of the picture as Adam turned to face his tag team partner. "_He's uh… he's just a little upset after last __week,__ yours tru__ly threw him over the top rope."_

We had made it up the ramp and both the Hardys waved once more to the crowd before exiting into the back. Jeff kept my hand in his grasp and steered me along. Once we were out of the sight of the Titantron, it was like I had come out of a trance. I looked down and noticed our interlocking hands. I looked at Jeff quizzically, but he just let go and stormed off, heading toward the locker room area.

"And you say there is nothing wrong," I scoff at Matt before trying to go follow him.

"There is something wrong and I think you are just trying to hide the fact that you know what it is," Matt said. I turned toward Matt with a querying look.

"Huh?" I asked, as I really didn't understand what he was saying. He was acting like this was my fault.

"Just forget it Nami," Matt said angrily as he pushed by me. Nami? He never called me that, so I knew that Jeff wasn't the only Hardy that seemingly had a problem with me.

"Matt, wait," I pleaded yet he just raised his hand in annoyance and continued to walk down the stairs.

I sighed and looked over at monitor to see that Adam was gone and they were showing the promo for the next match. I decided that it would be best to leave before people started to arrive. I hurried down the stairs and through the corridor. There were a lot more people backstage as it was a three brand show. That meant that there were a lot of people who I didn't know. I could put names to faces since I had made a conscious effort to get to know as many people as I could.

I walked down the hallway and tried to blend in as best as I could. It was sort of hard with the bright sky blue dress that I was wearing, but I tried my hardest. My outfit matched the color of one of Jeff's armbands. More acurate would be to say that Jeff's armband matched my dress as wardrobe gave me the dress long before Jeff fixed his armband. I felt some eyes turn my way yet I just continued heading for Adam's locker room. I knocked lightly on the door since it still was a male locker room.

"You don't need to knock," Randy said with an annoyed look as he opened the door.

"I'm just trying to be courteous," I said as he held the door open for me. I went over and sat next to John on a couch. He had his IPod on, as he was getting ready for his match with Umaga. It helped him relax for his matches. I smiled and leaned my head back and tried to relax myself.

"Oh, I forgot," Randy said. "Your phone has been buzzing for awhile." I looked up at him and saw that he was talking to me. I got up and went over to my bag and retrieved the phone. I flipped it open and smiled at the message:

_Plane arrived. Be there soon. Call you when I arrive._

I decided to hold on to the phone because I didn't want to miss the call. I got back up and noticed that Randy had taken my seat. He had his head back and looked as if he was sleeping. I had never seen them with this much relaxed intensity. It was hard to describe because you could see that they were pumped up for the event. Yet they were trying to keep all of their emotions in check and just relax.

John had a title defense tonight against Umaga. He was thrown through a table on Raw and thus would be sporting "injuries" that could hamper his chances of winning. But hey, he was the Champ and the proverbial WWE version of Superman. The guy could do no wrong and it seemed as if he would have that title for a long time. Management showed no signs of wanting him to lose it.

Randy was going to be in the Royal Rumble tonight. For a match that was totally figured out weeks ago, I was still in the dark. Adam said that they didn't even know the outcome until earlier this morning at the pre pay-per-view meeting. All of the entrants of the match had to attend and the match was broken down. From the way both Randy and Adam left the meeting, it didn't look like either of them would be the victors.

Speaking of Adam, I had no clue where he went off to. I was going to ask Randy, but he looked too comfortable in his relaxed state that I didn't want to bug him. I was already not on the best of terms with him as of late and didn't want to strain it anymore. I paced the room for a few minutes, but there was still no sign of Adam. My phone vibrated in my hands and I smiled.

"New Message from Shannon."

It wasn't the person I was expecting to hear from, but I flipped the phone open with a smile:

_You avoiding me for some reason?__ :-)_

Since Adam was M.I.A. at the moment, I decided that it wouldn't be a bad idea to go visit my extreme friends. Maybe I could patch up some of the feelings that were seemingly hurt. I still was in the dark as to what I had done and obviously I wasn't the only one. Shannon wouldn't ask me to come if he knew that the Hardys and I were not exactly seeing eye to eye at the moment.

I slipped out of the room and walked toward the Hardys' locker room. I had been there earlier when they had been going over their match with MNM. Melina and I spent the time talking and getting to know each other better. I was happy to find out that I wasn't the only Diva to be dating a Superstar as her and John were more than just an on-screen team. She made it seem that it was quite common for Divas and Superstars to be together as it made being in a relationship much easier. You were always on the road yet you had your significant other there with you.

I reached the door and knocked. I didn't care what Orton thought: it was the polite and respectful thing to do. I waited only a few moments before an energetic Shannon opened the door.

"About time you got your pretty little ass down here to see me," he said as he pulled me into a friendly hug and peck on the cheek. I laughed and we walked into the room arm in arm. He hadn't been around earlier when I was in here. He was off with Shane in catering.

"Meemz, what's up?" Shane asked as he came over giving me an embrace of his own.

"Nothing much," I said as I pulled back. "Just stopped by to hang out for awhile… if that is all right with everyone?"

I looked toward the two Hardys who paid me no heed. I sighed and Shannon slung an arm over my shoulder and pulled me two him.

"Don't mind them," Shannon whispered in my ear as he slightly squeezed my shoulder. I smiled and put on my best content face. Shannon and I took a seat on one of the benches in the room as everything fell into silence.

"And you said there was nothing wrong," I whispered into Shannon's ear. He just laughed nervously before turning his attention back to the silent Hardys. After a few moments of silence, I was figuring on just leaving. Shannon looked over and could see my hurt expression. I just shrugged and turned the other way.

"Hey Matt," Shannon said as he stood up. "Shane and I wanted to show you something."

"Huh?" Shane asked as he looked at his friend quizzically. Shannon whacked him slightly on the shoulder. "Oh yeah… right the _thing_."

"Good excuse fellas," Matt said as he stood up. "You been working on that all night?"

Shannon just shrugged and three men left the room. Before he left, Matt turned around and motioned his head toward his still silent brother. I knew that he knew that his friends had planned me coming here, but I didn't know that he actually wanted me to try and sort things out with Jeff. From our curt interaction before, I figured that he wanted nothing to do with me. He was probably just frustrated with his brother like everyone else seemed to be.

I continued to just sit in my seat on the other side of the room from Jeff. I didn't know where to begin because I really didn't know the source of the problem. I just looked over at him and thought that maybe he would get sick of being stared at. Yet he was used to that performing in front of thousands of people every night, so we sat in silence for a long time. It probably was only a few minutes, but it felt like hours. I kept wringing my hands trying to get enough courage to speak up. He was my best friend yet right now it was like he was a total stranger.

"So…" I said softly as I looked at him pleadingly. His eyes were staring intently at the ground and he made no response. Silence fell over us once more and I seriously considered just leaving. Yet I couldn't. Jeff meant too much to me to just leave and let this go on any longer. I got up from my seat and went over to where he was sitting. I knelt down and took his hands in mine.

"Are you going to tell me what is bugging you or are we going to spend all night sitting in awkward silence?" I asked with a small laugh.

He lifted up his head slightly so our eyes locked. I smiled at him yet his stone-like expression didn't change. He didn't speak so I guessed that he had taken the second option of my proposal. He broke his gaze from mine and looked off to the side. I was growing quite frustrated with his attitude. I reached out and grasped one of his small braids in my hand. I gave it a slight tug which caused a sharp exhale of pain from the high flyer.

"Fuck! What was that for?" he asked as turned to look at me and pulled my hand away from his hair.

"It got you to talk to me," I said with a small smile. His expression finally cracked and a smile graced his handsome features.

"That it did," he said with a small grin. He pulled me to my feet and patted a spot next to him. I breathed a sigh of relief and sat down next to him. I knew that things weren't better, but this was a start. Much better than sitting in silence.

"You ready for your second match of the night?" I asked happily.

"I'm not going to be in there long," he said. "Your boyfriend's gonna take me out pretty quickly."

"You have my permission to beat his ass for the time you are in there," I said with a laugh. He gave a small chuckle before turning to look at me.

"Might put a damper on whatever you two have planned for later," he said with a slight hesitation.

"Adam has a surprise waiting for him after his match," I said with a grin. I saw Jeff look away in mild revulsion. "No, not _that_ kind of surprise. Do you honestly think I would discuss my sex life with you?"

"I'd hope that is the one thing we can leave out of conversations," he said returning his gaze back to mine. I took his hand in mine and leant my head on his shoulder.

"It is… but I'd like to think that it is the only thing we can't talk about," I said softly. Well that and the fact that I am not really a wrestler, but what he doesn't know won't hurt him... yet.

"Look Meemz, I know that I haven't been the best company as of late," he said with a sigh as he leaned his head lightly on top of mine. "I have just had a lot of things on my mind."

"Like?" I posed after a few moments of silence stretched by.

"Just thinking about the future," he said with a slight sigh.

I tried not to think about the future. I never knew what the next day would bring. I was happy living in the present for the time being.

"What happened to the _live for the moment_ attitude that you are so known for?" I asked lightheartedly.

"It gets harder to live by when you are about to turn thirty and still have no stability in your life," he said.

"Ooo, the big 3-0 is coming this year," I said with a grin. "You having a pre-midlife crisis on me now?"

"It is just… everything that I have given up to be in this business seems to be staring me in the face, you know?" he said as he lifted his head off of mine. I removed my head from his shoulder and turned to look in his eyes. "I never regret anything that I missed out on cause I love this business. But… it's just hard sometimes. Seeing friends… married with children. Friends in serious relationships... Friends dating other Superstars and being so chipper all the time."

"_Chipper_ huh?" I mused as he looked at me with a grin on his face. "I guess I have been a little _chipper _as of late."

"And why do you automatically assume that I was talking about you?" he asked sardonically.

"Because you were," I said with a smirk. He brought his hand up and ran it along the side of my face.

"Yeah I was," he said soberly. "And I am happy for you… really I am. It's just weird seeing you with him."

He stopped talking as if he said too much. I stared at him quizzically yet he didn't say another word. I didn't know if it was just because he and Adam don't get along, or if there was something else hidden that he doesn't want to reveal. I also couldn't tell if he was really happy for me. It was hard to really get into his mind, unless he let you in. Right now, he still had his guard up.

"I know Adam isn't your favorite person in the world, but don't ever think that… that just because I am with him that I don't have time for you," I said. His expression became confused and I realized that I probably made no sense at all. "I mean… whenever you need me, all you need to do is call and I will be there for you. No matter what it is… I want you to know that I am here for you, just like you have been there for me many times in the past. No matter what it is, we'll figure it out."

Jeff gave me a slight smile before giving me a small kiss on the lips. I smiled when we pulled away, happy that we were back to the way things used to be. I wrapped my arms around him and tugged him closer to me.

"Now, was that really that hard?" I asked lightheartedly. He just sighed and wrapped his own arms around me. Jeff was acting more like himself. I could tell that he wasn't being totally honest, but didn't want to press him anymore tonight. Besides, he still had another match to be a part of.

"Aw, group hug," Shannon said as he came over and wrapped his arms around our sitting forms. I laughed as Jeff was trying to push Shannon away but to no avail. He soon pulled back and I locked eyes with Matt. I gave him a smile and he just grinned back at me. Things were certainly looking up.

"So Meemz said that we could rough up Adam tonight and she wouldn't mind," Jeff told Matt jokingly as I situated myself right next to him.

"I plan on it," Matt said as he pulled a roll of tape out of his bag.

"I am guessing that the match is soon?" I asked looking between the three newcomers to the room.

"The Cena/Umaga match just started," Shane said. "So we have a little time." I smiled, but then felt my phone start to vibrate next to me on the bench:

_I'm here. I don't really know how I am going to get in though._

"Sorry to leave so soon, but I have a little adventure I need to go on," I said as I got up from my seat.

"Any chance you're going to tell me what it is?" Jeff asked with a smile.

"Nope," I said as I walked toward the door. "Good luck guys and I will see you all later."

"Will you come by after?" Jeff asked hastily as I opened the door. I turned over my shoulder and nodded at him. He smiled and I waved to everyone before shutting the door. I didn't know if I would be able to stop by before the end of the night, but I would face that decision when I came to it. Right now, I had bigger things to worry about. I quickly dialed the number and headed down the hallway.

* * *

"So how exactly are you getting me in again?"

"You are my brother who has come to see the show," I said flatly as I had told him the plan a few times already.

"And what if they want to see ID?"

"I'll think of something," I muttered as I pushed open the arena's door. "Remember… _brother._"

He nodded in confirmation and made sure his hat and sunglasses were on securely. I walked over to the backstage worker in charge of coming and goings. I was about to tell my story yet he beat me to it.

"You know the show is almost over," he chuckled with a grin. "He your boyfriend?"

"Oh God no!" I exclaimed which earned a slight whack on my back from my guest. "This is my brother… Jason."

"Have I seen you somewhere before?" the guard asked as he looked quizzically at Jay.

"Um… no, sir. I'm just here to support my baby sister," Jay said as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. The guard smiled and grabbed a backstage pass. He signed it and handed it to Jay.

"Enjoy yourself," he said as Jay accepted the pass. "And I will see _you_ later."

He gave me a wink and turned back to the monitor to watch the show. I pulled Jay quickly away and down the first corridor. As soon as we had walked out of earshot from the guard, we both broke out into laughter.

"I guess people haven't gotten the memo that you're taken," Jay said with a chuckle.

"And it's not like we are even hiding our relationship," I said as I navigated through the hallways to get to the locker room. We arrived and I knocked. Randy shouldn't be present so I figured that I was safe. After a few moments without a response, I opened the door to come in view of an empty locker room.

"Probably had a final meeting before the rumble," Jay commented as we entered the room.

I just shrugged and flopped down on the couch. Jay mimicked my actions down to the over exaggerated fall on the couch. I whacked him on the back of the head, knocking his sunglasses off in the process. He pulled his hat off as well and slapped me lightly on the thigh with it.

"I'm going to tell Adam that you abused me," I said with a sarcastic grin.

"Oh really?" he asked jokingly.

"Mm-hmm," I said as I broke out into a smile. I sighed when he threw his arms around me and pulled me close to him.

Jay wanted to come and visit Adam and I for awhile yet we could never find a good time. He was busy with stuff for TNA and needless to say, Adam and I had our fair share of obligations as well. Tonight was one of the only times that we would all be free... well not exactly free, but as close to it as we would come. Jay had come up with the idea and we both planned it in secret.

"This is the one part of training I miss," I said as I returned the embrace. "Getting to see you a few times every week."

"Me too babe," Jay said as we slightly pulled back. He kept an arm around my shoulder as we turned our attention to the monitor.

"The champ is _still _here," I muttered with a small chuckle as John retained his title against Umaga. "Speaking of titles… how does it feel to be champ again?" I asked as Jay had won the heavyweight title two weeks ago at TNA Final Resolution.

"It feels great. I forgot how it feels, it had been so long," he answered with a laugh.

"Some people go their whole careers without getting to the top," I mused.

"Trust me, I know," he said pretty seriously, probably thinking about his time in the WWE.

A knock on the door startled both of us. I shrugged out of Jay's loose grasp and went to the door. He picked up his discarded hat and glasses and slid them in place. I opened the door when my _brother_ was ready.

"Hey, I just wanted to know if you wanted to watch the rumble with the Divas? You know, get to know everyone?" I smiled at Maria's question.

"Thanks for the offer, but my brother came for a visit," I answered.

"Brother?" she asked as she pushed the door open further and peered in the room.

"Maria, this is Jason. Jason… Maria," I said as I introduced the two, even though I believed that they knew each other. Maria might know Jay Reso, but she never met my loving, older brother Jason. I didn't want to risk us getting caught after we had come this far.

"Pleasure is all mine," Jay said, slightly altering his voice. I rolled my eyes at his act and turned my attention back to Maria.

"Thanks for the offer," I said with a smile. Maria smiled back and cheerily left, understanding the reason for my rebuttal.

"You could have went with her," Jay said as he took off his disguise once more.

"I'd rather spend time with you. Besides, I still don't feel comfortable around all of the Divas," I said truthfully. "And tonight all of the brands' Divas are backstage… yeah, definitely staying here."

"So I'm your security blanket," he stated with a laugh. I settled back into Jay's loose grasp. I was about to answer, but the door opened revealing a sweaty, tired John Cena. He strolled through the door, paying us no heed as he went to his bag. He grabbed a water bottle and replenished much of his lost hydration.

"Congrats champ," Jay said as he regarded the still oblivious John.

"Fuck man… didn't expect to see you here," John said as he came over to shake Jay's hand in greeting.

"Yeah well, _somebody_ convinced me to come and pay you all a visit," Jay said as John took a seat on the other side of me. "And it's a good thing that security was in a flirtatious mood or she never would have gotten me in."

"Flirting with the guards are we?" John asked with a grin. I shoved his sweaty mass away from me with a laugh.

"I _was _not flirting. I just said that my brother was here…"

"Brother?" John asked in amusement.

"Well what was I supposed to say… the truth?" I asked. "_Oh, hi… you might remember Jay. You __know,__ the current TNA heavyweight champion?_ I'm sure that would have gotten him in."

"She does have a point," Jay said. "Even though I think my disguise was foolproof."

"Classic," John said with a laugh as Jay held up his baseball cap and glasses. The three of us turned toward the monitor as Ric Flair and Finaly started off the rumble.

"So who wins? I asked bluntly after Kenny entered as the third entrant.

"I don't know," John said. I gave him a look, but he just threw up his hands. "Honestly… I don't know."

"Should we believe him?"

"There is no _we_ sister," Jay said. "I'm quite content to just wait and find out."

"Thanks for the support _brother dearest_."

* * *

_"Well Edge is at forty-five minutes almost in this rumble. He can't have much left."_

The King was right. Adam had lasted the longest of anyone in the match tonight. It was down to him, Randy, Shawn Michaels, and the Undertaker.

_"Undertaker with Orton by the throat,"_ Michael Cole said as Randy walked right into the Undertaker's open palm. _"He's going for the __chokeslam__…"_

_"Spear!"_King yelled as Adam came flying out of the corner and speared the Undertaker before the chokeslam could be performed. I clapped softly to myself as I watched Adam in the ring. Boy, did he look tired. Both Randy and Adam fell to the mat in what looked like total exhaustion.

"Who do you think the next to go is?" John asked as Randy and Adam both got to their feet.

"Sorry to say, but I would have to go with Adam," Jay said.

"Some best friend you are," I muttered with a laugh. "I say Randy."

_"I don't want to disagree with you, but there is one thing that may finish the Undertaker and that is a conchairto," _King said as Adam rolled out of the ring to get a chair, while Randy rolled the motionless Undertaker onto a steel chair of his own.

"Edge and Christian did much better conchairtos than this," Jay said as Adam made his way back into the ring.

"Trust me, we've already discussed that… in full detail," John said with a laugh giving me a wink.

_"Hey wait a minute. Shawn Michaels, back in the ring… Randy Orton eliminated," _Michael Cole exclaimed as he ducked under Randy's attack and threw him over the rope. Seeing this, Adam turned around and swung the chair at Shawn. Yet that just earned him some Sweet Chin Music, which caused him to tumble over the rope.

"I guess we can call that a tie," I said looking at Jay, as both members of Rated RKO were eliminated within seconds of each other.

"Deal," he said. "Now the bigger question: who wins?"

"I pass," I murmured.

"Sissy," Jay joked. "No thirtieth entrant has won the rumble, but I am going to go with Taker. It's his time."

"Me too," John said. "Makes more sense for the storylines they have in place if he would win. Shawn pretty much is already set to have a title shot anyway. So having him win would be inconsequential."

"Ooo, big word," I joked.

_"How many times do you get a chance to see two legends, two cornerstones of this company, go at it when everything possible is on the line,"_ JBL said as Shawn and Taker were taking turns giving each other chops and blows to the chest.

"I think it should be Cena/Taker at Wrestlemania," I said.

"So you want me to lose my title?" John asked with a laugh. "No one is going to break his undefeated streak. And if someday someone does, I don't wanna be the guy to have that in my career history."

"_We are watching a moment in time,"_ JBL commentated. The three of us turned to each other and burst out laughing at his comment.

"Let's give him credit. He was a wrestler turned commentator," Jay said with a laugh as the locker room door swung open.

"I'm telling you, Nami _doesn't_ have a brother. I've met her whole family. You must have heard her wrong."

The three of us grinned at each other as Randy and Adam made their way into the locker room. Jay quickly put the glasses and hat back on his head, as John and I tried to stop from laughing.

"That's what Maria said when I saw her before the rumble," Randy said as they both turned toward the three of us. "And there you go."

Adam stared at my _brother_ for only a few moments before flashing a huge smile.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" he asked cheerfully as Jay got up to greet his best friend. Jay tossed the hat and glasses back down and Randy smirked when he saw who it was.

"Nami and I planned it. Surprised she didn't let it slip out," Jay said with a grin as he and Adam gave each other a friendly hug. Randy came over and took Jay's vacated seat.

"Good job out there," I said seriously as I turned to look at Randy. He shrugged, but flashed me a small smile. Adam and Jay continued to converse while I and the other two occupants of the couch watched the match.

My viewing was halted as Adam came and stood in front of me. He reached out his hands which I hurriedly accepted. He pulled me to my feet and leaned down to give me a quick kiss. Pulling back, Adam left his forehead touching mine.

"Have I ever told you that you are one of the most amazing people I have ever met?" he asked with a grin on his face. I didn't know if it was a line or if he truly meant it, but I hoped for the latter. He was always so charming it was hard to tell if it was all the truth.

I smiled and threw my arms around his neck. I was unceremoniously pushed from behind and Adam and I toppled to the ground. I turned back to look at Randy who was in total disregard of the situation. I guess we were in his way of the monitor. Adam didn't mind in the least as he leaned up and captured my lips in his. Okay, this would have been such a gratifying moment if not for the fact that there were three other occupants of the room.

I leaned back and Jay held out his hand to help me up. He pulled me to my feet and Adam did the same. I brushed myself off as Adam pulled me close to him once more.

"I've got my girlfriend… I've got my best friend. What else could a guy need?" Adam mused as he and Jay shared a small laugh. I smiled but then thought about the promise that I had made Jeff. He was my_ best friend_ and I had been forsaking that friendship as of late. My relationship with Adam was still blossoming and I was trying to make the most of it. Yet that also meant that I had less time for my one-on-one sessions with Jeff. Adam had his best friend with him and I knew that I needed to visit mine, even if only for a few moments.

"Hey babe, I'll be right back okay?" I said as I pulled out of his grasp. He gave me a querying look, but I just smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

I left the locker room and headed toward the Hardys' locker room. I hoped that they were still there even though they were eliminated much earlier in the match. I was sure that they would have at least wanted to see the conclusion. I made it there and knocked hesitantly. Matt opened the door in a sort of surprised manner.

"Jeff said you were going to stop by," Matt said. "I didn't think you were going to show." I was sort of hurt that he would think that I would lie to his brother, but I guess he was just being protective. I was dating his number one enemy at the moment. Besides, I wasn't even sure if I was going to come.

"You guys were great tonight," I said as I entered the room. Jeff looked away from the small screen the minute he heard my voice. I smiled and went over to his side, sitting next to him on the bench. "Sorry it took so long."

"Doesn't matter," Jeff said with a smile. "You're here now."


	30. Don't Want To Look Much Closer

_A.N. - Normal Disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. This takes place on the 1/29/07 Raw broadcast. Dialogue belongs to the WWE. Thank you to everyone who has read, added my story, and of course reviewed. "68 stones from a broken heart", "unlimited emerald0307", "gonzalez89", "XtremeGirl619", and "Farra Sti" for their reviews! This chapter is the last real plot builder before the conflict is "resolved" in the next chapter. Peace and Love!!_

* * *

"Shouldn't you be getting ready? The show is about to start!"

"Heat has already started, but I'm not needed for awhile. Besides I thought it could be like old times… watch some wrestling together."

Danielle laughed into the phone. I was starting to miss our old times, as I hadn't seen my friends since the New Year's Eve party. Even though Danielle knew about my relationship with Adam, it really didn't seem like reality until he showed up at the party. Steven was absolutely beside himself: a little bit envious, totally star struck, but mostly just shocked. Adam and I had stayed at the party for a little while longer before retreating to my apartment for a little celebration of our own.

"Old times that you used to despise," Danielle said dryly. "You can thank me and Steven by naming your firstborn children after us."

"Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Come on hun," Danielle said. "You know that you so have fallen in love with him… even if you don't want to admit it."

"I admit it," I exclaimed. "But I don't think I am ready to say it yet."

"Has he told you he loves you yet?" Danielle asked as the Raw broadcast began.

"No, not yet," I said softly.

It really wasn't that big of a deal. I wasn't ready to tell him it myself so how could I expect him to say those three little words that I had been waiting my whole life to hear? He was coming out of a few bad relationships and probably didn't want to rush things. I didn't know if it was because he didn't want to take it as serious or if he didn't want to make the same mistakes again. Either way, I was comfortable with the relationship that we were building more and more each day.

"Why is HBK still using the DX theme?" Danielle asked over the phone. "I want my Sexy Boy back… not the cold vengeful Shawn Michaels he has become cause of Triple H's injury."

"He isn't _cold_," I said. "He is just… really determined. And he'll use his old theme again soon. It's just he still has his feud with Rated RKO that started in DX. And the crowd loves it."

"That's cause the crowd loves him," Danielle exclaimed as he began to talk about last night's Royal Rumble. "So how did it feel to work your first pay-per-view?"

"Didn't really do that much babe," I said as John Cena's music hit. "But it was amazing nonetheless. Even though I must say that my feet were killing me afterwards. Standing in heels out by the ring for twenty minutes was horrid. I don't care if I look like a shrimp next to them. The next time they are booked in a long match, I am wearing flats."

"I'm sure Adam made you feel all better once you got back to the hotel," Danielle said coyly.

"Actually we shared a room with Jay last night," I said. "He came to the show to visit us and the three of us just spend the night hanging out... talking about old times more or less."

"That's so cute," she gushed for the other end. "You are friends with his best friend. It is meant to be."

"Yeah," I said as I stared at the screen. "Sorry if I am interrupting your _John Cena time_."

"I'll let it slide this time," she said with a laugh as we both fell into silence and watched the two men speak in the ring.

_"Just so I got you clearly, Wrestlemania 23… __John Cena versus the Showstopper!__"_John exclaimed as the crowd cheered.

"Do you know if that is a set match?" Danielle queried, hoping that I would have some inside knowledge of the happenings in the company.

"I don't know anything besides that outcome of Jeff's match tonight," I said truthfully.

_"__ I__ like it, but as you said, it's not up to you. It's not up to__ me. It's up to the Undertaker," _John rationalized. I knew that the Undertaker would be making an appearance tonight. I didn't really know when, but I saw him backstage earlier in his complete Deadman outfit. It was quite intimidating and I just walked on by.

_"__But if it is you and me…"_ John started, but was quickly interrupted.

_"You think you know me."_

"About time your husband broke them up," Danielle said. "And God does he look fine tonight. I don't know how you disliked wrestling for so long."

"Shut up," I muttered into the phone with a chuckle, as Adam strolled out in a tight white T-shirt, black jeans that fit perfectly to his body, and a pair of sunglasses.

"They sure do love to boo him, don't they," Danielle mused as Adam's music stopped and the only sound was the overwhelming negative reaction of the crowd toward the newcomer.

"He's an ass that's why," I said as Adam got ready to speak.

_"Cena, Cena… I'm sure you'd lov__e to face Shawn at Wrestlemania,"_ Adam said as John nodded emphatically in the ring.

"He's not the only one," Danielle said with a laugh.

_"__But__ it's not gonna happen. You see Shawn, last week I told you after the Rumble that you wouldn't hav__e that… that feeling of victory," _Adam said as he began to pace lightly on the stage. "_I said that you'd have the nagging feeling of close but no cigar. That__ feeling of disappointment and…"_

The crowd really let him have it as chants on "You Suck" rose throughout the arena, halting his speech. Adam removed his sunglasses from his eyes and looked around at the fans.

"He's such a better heel than a face," Danielle said. "You do know what those words mean now right?"

"You are lucky that I am not there right now," I said jokingly. "Yes, I know what they mean."

"Just checking," she answered.

_"A__nd low__ and behold Shawn, I was right," _Adam said as he continued right where he left off. "_And Cena, I've beaten y__ou more times than I can count."_

"I don't know about that one," Danielle said.

I just stayed silent and continued to watch. I was transfixed whenever he came on the screen. I didn't know what it was. He was just so good at doing what he does. And now that I personally knew him, it was just so odd seeing Edge on screen. Odd, yet also very sexy. Every girl always has the thing for the bad boy, me included.

_"__I got your number. Add that to the fact that at Wrestl__emania, I've never been beaten," _Adam said with conviction. "_And it should be about as obvious as a punch in the mouth that if Undertaker faces Batista or __Lashley__ at Wrestlemania, then the __WWE title match should be mine!"_

"Aw, he's so hot when he gets angry," Danielle said dreamily.

"I thought Cena was your guy," I said.

"He is… it's just… I actually _met _Adam," Danielle said in the same dreamy tone.

_"Shut up!"_ Adam yelled at the crowd because of their harsh reaction to his proclamation.

"You tell 'em babe," I said with a grin.

_"__ Cause__ let's face it, I'm the best in this…"_ Adam started before he too was interrupted by another Superstar's entrance.

_"Hey! Hey… nothing you can say…"_

"So, where is Steven?" I asked as the Legend Killer strolled out onto the stage, giving a pointed stare to his tag team partner.

"We haven't been hanging out as much as we normally do," she answered. I thought that this was the one thing that would never change: watching wrestling on Monday night.

"Let me guess… Christy," I said dully into the phone, remembering how close he was to my rival at the party.

"Uh-huh," she said. "Speaking of people who aren't getting along, I'm guessing that Rated RKO isn't going to last much longer." She was always good at changing bad topics quickly and I loved her for it.

_"Is that right Edge?__"_ Randy bellowed at Adam, as he stood a few feet across from him on the stage._"__Is that right? Now, it's true we may be World Tag Team Champions, but last night it was every man for __himself__."_

"He's quite profound isn't he," Danielle said sarcastically.

_"__And__ when it comes to that __WWE title, it's exactly the same thing. __Every man for himself.__ Now le__t me ask you a little question," _Randy said, still speaking to Adam on the stage.

"Have they forgotten about the other two in the ring?" Danielle asked with a laugh.

"Just setting up the match for later," I said with a grin. "Besides, they both are egotistical bastards that can only think about themselves."

"At least it is just an act," Danielle said softly.

"Yeah, for _one_ of them anyway," I commented teasingly.

_"H__ow many times have you had a title shot aga__inst John Cena? Ten?" _Randy asked Adam as they continued to ignore Shawn and John in the ring. "_Twenty? Thirty times? Well guess how many times I've had one? __Zero!"_

_"I think there's probably a pretty good reason for that Randy__," _Adam said which earned a laugh from both of us.

"Oh how I love him," Danielle said. I could only nod my head in approval.

_"And what do you mean by… explain __you__r__… explain to me what you mean,"_ Randy roared as he and Adam came to stand closer to each other.

_"I'd be happy to,__"_Adam told him.

_"Hey… hey pus__s bags," _John yelled at them from the ring.

"About time," I muttered with a smile. Both Randy and Adam turned their attention from each other to look at the ring.

_"You guys obviously came out here to do something, so this is the point where you've got two choices. You can either stay on the stage and __nay__ah, __nayah, __nayah, __nayah, __nayah__!" _John said, mocking their chattering to the crowd's approval.

"All right," Danielle said with a chuckle. "John has my love back. Adam is all yours."

"Thanks," I said jokingly. "I appreciate it."

_"__Or you come down to the ring… allow me to speak for HBK for a second, you come down to the ring, try to do something about __it,__ and get your asses whipped__"_ John said which caused both Randy and Adam to start down the ramp. A knock on the door startled me away from the screen and my call.

"Hey Dani, can I call you back later?" I asked as I got up from my seat and headed to the door.

"Of course," she said. "You need to get ready for Jeff's match anyway. I'll talk to you later."

"Thanks for calling," I said. "I really needed it."

It was true. I was beginning to feel homesick again. As much as I was getting used to being on the road and with the WWE, it wasn't my preferred lifestyle. Long road trips and various plane flights were an everyday occurrence. I hadn't been to my apartment since going on the road with the company, as any down time was spent at Adam's place in Florida.

"Oh my God! What are you doing here?"

I flung my arms around Carly as she smiled at me from beyond the door. I hadn't seen her since that fateful day that she was eliminated back in November. We did talk a lot on the phone as we had shared such a great bond in the process of the Diva Search just to throw it away. Yet I never expected to see her here.

"I came to see your lazy ass," Carly said as I pulled back and she came in the room.

"Lazy?" I asked with a laugh as we both sat down next to each other.

"Why aren't you in that ring?" Carly asked with a huge grin. "We trained our asses off and not for you to stand on the side."

"Just building my way up to it," I said, trying not to let on that I was quite content in the role I was given. "Besides, I did win my first match."

"Yeah, I know," Carly said happily. "How did it feel?"

"It was… truly surreal," I said as I remembered that night, performing in front of the crowd for the first time. "Doing those stupid Diva Search games is a totally different animal to actually going out and wrestling."

"I can't wait till I get in there," Carly said with a sigh. I gave her a questioning look and she unfolded a packet of paper. It was a WWE developmental contract. I threw my arms around her neck again and pulled her into a congratulatory embrace.

"This calls for a celebration," I said. "Is anyone else from the Search…"

"Di and Ev too," she said with a nod, cutting off my question. "They were here earlier. Believe it or not, they have become quite good friends. Di is _actually_ acting somewhat human."

"That's hard to believe," I muttered.

"Tell me about it," Carly said. "So… how are things here?"

"Quick topic change," I said with a laugh. "I thought we already covered…"

"No," Carly said with a grin. "I mean here… with the guys. You finally finish baking and admit that Adam is the one to eat you."

"Ew, Car… that's just... ew," I said as looked at her slightly disgusted by the wording of our inside Buffy joke.

"Oh come on," she said with a laugh. "I have been waiting to say it _forever_. So? Are you going to answer the question?"

"Adam and I have been dating for almost three months," I said. "You knew that."

"But there is a difference sweetie," Carly said. "I know that you two are dating, but are you _really seriously dating_ or is it just that he was easily accessible." I looked at her, somewhat appalled that she would ever think I would do that to Adam, but didn't get a chance to say anything as the locker room door swung open.

"…seriously sucks," Randy finished whatever statement he was making as he, John, and Adam made their way into the locker room.

"Well, look what we have here," John said as he came over to the couch where we were sitting. "My dear Carly… what brings you here?"

"Looks like the roster is going to be adding a few more pretty faces," she said as she showed him the copy of her contract. He reached over and pulled her into a slight embrace.

"A few?" John asked as Adam walked by without even acknowledging my presence.

I looked up at Randy yet showed nothing in his cold gaze to give me an answer. To say that things were getting better between the Legend Killer and I would be a total fallacy. Neither of us could stand the other at the moment. Usually I found his arrogance and demeanor laughable and could take it. Now, he was just way out of line with his comments and trying to insinuate things that weren't even true. John, Carly and Randy conversed as I got up and went over to Adam, who was going through his duffle bag.

"Great segment," I said sheepishly, unsure of why I should be nervous around my own boyfriend.

"It went okay," he said as he stopped his search yet kept his back to me.

"Oh," I said softly, unsure of what to say.

"Did you read the script for tonight… for Jeff's match?" Adam asked as he finally turned and looked my way.

"Yeah," I said as I gave him a querying look.

"I don't want you to do it," he said flatly.

"I don't think that is your call to make," I said, anger slightly making its way in my tone.

"I don't trust him Nam," Adam said as he reached out and grabbed my right hand.

"Do you trust me?" I asked as I looked directly into his eyes.

"Yeah," he said after a few moments of silence. Did he really need to think about it?

"Then prove it," I said as I pulled out of his grasp and headed out of the locker room.

Carly seemed comfortable around John enough that I didn't feel like I needed to stay. Besides, I still needed to head to wardrobe and makeup before Jeff's match. Luckily, it was second to last match tonight so I had some time. As much as I wanted to believe that I could make both of my relationships work, I knew that deep in my heart, that with the way things were now, I would need to let one go. I couldn't take it anymore. I tried for so long but I couldn't kepp doing this... being in the middle all of the time. If Jeff wasn't upset with me, Adam was. If Matt and Shannon were all _buddy __buddy_ with me, that meant that Randy thought I had the plague and wanted nothing to do with me.

I quickly put on my outfit for the night: a purple cocktail dress and purple heels. I had light makeup applied and knew that I was all finished here. I saw one of the Divas whom I really hadn't gotten to know, Torrie, come in and decided to leave. I couldn't avoid my problems forever and knew that the best thing to do was to go and talk. Adam seemed like a lost cause, especially tonight so I sought out the other person involved in this predicament.

I saw him walking down the hallway and quickly rushed to catch up with him.

"Je…"

The name didn't fully pass my lips as I turned the corner and bumped into Randy. I tried to peer over him to see if Jeff was still in the corridor, yet his muscular mass was too much to compensate for. He seemed to have no intention of moving, so I tried to walk by him. He just stepped in front of my path.

"I am really not in the mood for whatever you have to say," I said as I tried once more to get by.

"Why is it that whenever I see you outside of the locker room, you are always with Hardy or trying to track him down?" Randy asked in a soft, callous tone.

"We are partners," I said dryly. "I need to talk with him about tonight."

"You are far from being partners," Randy said with a sardonic chuckle. "Adam and I are partners. You… you are just Jeff's trophy that he gets to have with him at ringside. He did this on purpose Nam! I know you don't believe Adam and you sure as hell won't believe me. I don't know how the fucker did this, but having you as his valet… doesn't it seem a little strange how everything fell into place?"

"You really need to get over your suspicions," I said as I rolled my eyes in annoyance. "And so what if Jeff wanted me to be his valet? I have no problem with it."

"Of course you don't," he said coldly. "But _your boyfriend_, who just so happens to be one of my best friends, does. This goes beyond just being in a storyline together so don't even try and use that excuse. If it was just the storyline, there wouldn't be a problem. It's just that… you and Hardy work very well together, and we all know that there are some ulterior motives when it comes to Hardy…"

"I think you really should learn to mind your own business," I said as I turned around and walked down the hallway. He was close on my heels and came to stand in front of me once more.

"Adam was different before he started seeing you," Randy said as he grasped my arms lightly. "And not in such a good way. After everything that had happened... he needed a change. And I think that is the reason that he is trying so hard in this relationship. If I was him, I would have dumped your ass months ago."

"Very classy Randy," I murmured as my emotions started to get really sensitive. But I would be damned if I was going to let Randy Orton get the better of me and see me breakdown.

"You put him through way too much every day," Randy said as he let go of my arms. "I don't care how good the sex is…"

That was all I needed to hear. I slapped him right across the face and pushed my way past him. He was beyond out of line… he was off the map in how much he had overstepped his boundaries. I didn't care if he was best friends with Adam. I didn't have John always on my case. He understood what I was going through and how much both of them meant. Yet this confrontation with Randy was the final straw. I needed to do something about this and I knew that either way, I was going to come out of it broken.

* * *

"The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the Intercontinental Championship! Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Nami, from Cameron, North Carolina, weighing in at two hundred and twenty five pounds… he is the Intercontinental Champion… Jeff Hardy!"

Jeff helped me through the second rope before jetting over to a turnbuckle to pose for the crowd. I smiled and clapped for him as I tried to just focus on the match. I had stayed clear of everyone for the past hour and hung out with the Divas in my proper women's locker room. Maria had tried to start conversation, but I really wasn't in the mood. I just wanted to be somewhere so I could think.

The Titantron flashed to highlights of the Hardys victory last night over MNM at the Rumble. Jeff went to one more turnbuckle to pose before coming back to my side in the ring. He took my hand in his and turned to me with a smile. I slightly smiled back as we both turned to look up toward the ramp. Jeff bounced up and down in place trying to get himself pumped up as his opponent's theme blared throughout the arena.

"And introducing the challenger, from India, weighing in at four hundred and twenty pounds and over seven feet tall… The Great Khali!"

Jeff stood still and looked nervous as his larger than life opponent made his way down the ramp. I put my hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture as we both warily watched him make it to the bottom of the ramp. A little of the faux nervousness dropped from his eyes and the everlasting determination of Jeff Hardy returned.

Khali effortless stepped over the top rope and came to stand a little bit away from the two of us. Jeff slightly nudged me behind him in a protective gesture. The ref got between the two men and took the belt from around Jeff's waist. I leaned over and whispered 'good luck' into Jeff's ear. He quickly moved his face to give me a short peck on the cheek, his eyes never leaving his opponent. Khali scoffed at his action and I made a haste retreat out of the ring.

Khali took the belt from the ref as he held it over his head to signal the start of the match. He held it up as if it was already his. This caused Jeff to go in closer to him and start their altercation. He was not going to go down without a fight. Khali effortlessly pushed him into the ropes. Jeff bounced back and started nailing punches into his midsection, yet they seemed to have no effect.

The bell rang just as Khali grabbed Jeff and tossed him over the rope. Jeff rolled and landed near the base of the ramp. I was stationed over by the announce tables so I tried my best to look through the ropes to see him on the ground. Khali turned to look at me and raised his arms over his head with a loud bellow as if already signaling his victory. I rolled my eyes and the crowd began to show their dislike of Jeff's opponent.

I saw Jeff struggle to his feet as Khali turned around to face him. Jeff stumbled backwards and hit the back of the ring as Khali came over and grabbed his face with both hands. I came around the side of the ring to get a better view as I yelled in support of Jeff. Khali pulled him up to the apron and held him in place. He brought his forearm down on Jeff's chest in a thundering chop. He kept Jeff on the apron and did it once more. I cringed as Khali grabbed him behind the head and flipped him into the ring.

This was much different than watching Jeff fight Nitro or someone of that caliber. Khali was gigantic and dwarfed him in size. It was totally a mismatch and not all that entertaining to watch. Jeff was a high flyer and the moves wouldn't affect someone of Khali's girth. Khali was less of a wrestler and more like a punch and well… _punch_ type of guy.

Khali pulled Jeff to his feet and threw him head first into the turnbuckle on the other side of the ring. Jeff turned around and was greeted with Khali pounding his full weight onto his chest. Khali kicked him in the midsection before pulling him out of the corner and headbutting him to the ground. This wasn't a wrestling match: it was a slaughter.

Khali gave Jeff a hard right hand to the head before taunting myself and the crowd once more. I shook my head at the man towering over Jeff and glared his way. He stomped on Jeff and sent him flying in my direction. I walked right next to the ring. He used the ropes to try and pull himself before flashing me a small smile. It was more of a grimace than a smile yet it got the needed effect that was scripted. Khali came over and stood behind the struggling Jeff.

He threw Jeff against the ropes and gave him a hard chop to the chest. I moved from my position right behind Jeff and went closer to the steel steps in the corner. Before Khali could administer another chop, Jeff crawled out of the way and further into the ring. I cheered for him yet that soon ceased as Khali effortlessly lifted him up and onto his shoulder. Jeff slipped out of his grasp and delivered punches to Khali, once he turned around.

The crowd and I both cheered for Jeff to continue his assault, even though nothing seemed to affect the giant. Khali pushed him into the rope once more and clotheslined him when Jeff came back from the momentum. I grimaced again and put a hand to my mouth in abhorrence. Jeff laid on the ground and had his head on the mat. He looked over my way with pain in his eyes. I knew that it was probably fake, but it still hit me as if he was actually hurt. I couldn't bear it. Khali walked away from Jeff and pointed at his defenseless, beaten body as he bellowed to the crowd. He looked my way and pointed to me before reaching down to pick Jeff up once more.

Khali tossed Jeff into the ring post yet this time, Jeff was prepared. He jumped up onto the turnbuckle and executed the Whisper in the Wind. It didn't do much… probably hurt Jeff more than Khali. Jeff crawled back over to the side of the ring where I was standing and pulled himself up. Khali was holding his head in pain, but that didn't stop his assault on Jeff. He went to kick Jeff, but missed and ended up with a leg on either side of the ropes. Jeff pounded on his back while Khali straddled the rope. Khali was still too strong and pushed Jeff away leaving him a heap on the ground once more.

I was happy that the match was almost over because I didn't know how much more I could take. It was just too one-sided of a match to really get into or enjoy. It wasn't the brutality or violence because I could watch Adam and Randy execute conchairtos on opponents. That was bad enough. This match just should have never happened. I really don't know who Khali should be wrestling, but Jeff certainly isn't one of them.

Khali pulled his leg over the rope and grabbed Jeff on either side of the head. He picked him up and sat Jeff on the top rope. I knew that the end was near and moved back to the steel steps. Khali smacked Jeff on top of the head and he fell lifelessly to the ground. I went closer to him, yet the ref told me to stay back as he started the count. I got down on my knees and looked at Jeff's motionless form as the count winded down. Khali raised his hands and roared to the crowd once more. I was just waiting for the count to end.

Finally, the count made it to ten and the ref called for the bell. I quickly crawled over to Jeff's side and brushed away the braids that had fallen in his face. I brought my mouth right to his ear so I could talk to him without being heard.

"You okay?" I asked softly. In response, he grasped my hand lightly in his hand. I smiled and knew that everything was okay. He was probably pretty bruised yet at least nothing was seriously wrong. Khali's music started playing as he was announced as the winner of the match. I pulled back putting on a concerned face, but Jeff kept his hand in mine. Jeff blearily pushed himself slightly up to look at the Titantron. He groaned in pain and let go of my hand to hold his head.

The ref and I both took our time getting Jeff into a standing position. He stood up and was acknowledged as still being the Intercontinental Champion, as the belt couldn't change hands because of a count out. The crowd cheered when his music hit and the ref handed me the belt. Jeff hazily looked over at me with a small grin before leaning in and capturing my lips in his. The crowd cheered as he pulled me closer with the arm that was slung around my shoulder for support. We both pulled back and his hazy look turned into one of slight happiness. I smiled and tucked my head underneath his chin as he told the ref that he was okay. That was when the broadcast cut to go to a commercial.

We both struggled to make it up the ramp as Jeff pretended to be still totally out of it because of the torment that he underwent. He made it to the top of the stage and Jeff turned to look at the crowd. He kept our hands entwined as he flashed his gesture with the other. The crowd roared in approval as we both turned to face each other. He brought his free hand out and cupped my cheek. He leaned down and captured my lips once more. Okay, now that _wasn't_ scripted. I was about to make a move to end the kiss when he pulled back. He looked down at me with a grin and I couldn't help but think that Randy might've been right. Maybe there was a lot more to this relationship than I wanted to see.


	31. Could You Let Me Go?

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE or any of its Superstars. Thank you to everyone for reading and for my lovely reviewers. "68 stones from a broken heart", "unlimited emerald0307", "Fozzy-Floozy", "Farra Sti", and "XtremeGirl619" - you guys so rock my world. This chapter is the first part of a longer segement. By the end of next chapter, a lot of things will have changed for the characters. Thanks again to everyone who has read and even more to my reviewers. Peace and Love!_

* * *

"Finally! We're back and we still have a full day off."

"And perfect timing too. Anniversary is on Monday… we can cel-e-brate!"

I laughed at Adam's lustful tone and how he emphasized each syllable in _celebrate_. He opened the door to his place and walked inside hand in hand. It was Saturday night and after spending much of the day in a Texas airport, we were finally in Florida. We were met at the door by two of his precious dogs, Luger and Frisco. Normally he kept them up at his house in Canada so his mother could look in on them, but she was on vacation at the moment. Since Jay lived in the area, he was checking up on Adam's beloved pets while he was on the road. After a few minutes of both of us greeting the dogs in our own way, me lightly petting and Adam practically rolling on the ground with them, we went into his spacious living room.

"Three months… it's hard to believe," I murmured as Adam dropped both of our bags at the entrance of the room. He whisked me into his arms. I tucked my head underneath his chin as he carried me over to his favorite chair. He sat down with me comfortably sitting in his lap. I draped my legs over the side of the chair and ran my fingers through Adam's blond locks.

"It's not _that_ hard to believe," he whispered as he brought his face centimeters from my own. "If I had it my way, we could almost be celebrating our four month anniversary."

"We hardly knew each other four months ago," I said with a laugh, as I concentrated more on his lips than the actual conversation.

"Yeah well… from the first time we met, I knew there was something different about you," he murmured as he brought a hand to my face and brushed the bangs away from my eyes. "I soon realized that it wasn't that you were different. You were… you _are _special."

He was about to continue, but I didn't want to hear his words anymore. I leaned in the short distance and captured his lips in mine. He was slightly taken aback, yet I soon felt a grin form on his features. He greedily sucked my tongue into his mouth, which ended all potential conversation.

One of Adam's arms wrapped around my waist to steady me in his lap. The other was slowly inching its way up my thigh and underneath my skirt. Our kissing continued fervently as he began to trace soft circles on my inner thigh, teasing me into a state of arousal. My body could not deny him a response as I felt the familiar feeling of tension build inside of me. It was like a fire that spread throughout me and only Adam knew how to ignite it.

Adam pulled his mouth away earning a groan of disappointment. He grinned at me as he lightly nipped the side of my neck, knowing the exact place that would get a reaction. I threw my head slightly back in ecstasy as his mouth continued its work and his fingers lightly traced the lace of my underwear.

"Maybe, we should take this to the bedroom," he said in a husky, lustful tone as he pulled his mouth away from the new red mark that he had left on my neck.

I couldn't form any coherent word as my body was still being teased by his hands. He smirked at me and added more pressure into his light caressing. I moaned his name in desire and that was all the answer that he needed. He pulled his hand away from its teasing and grasped me tightly before standing. Adam gave me another ravenous kiss as he walked toward the hallway. Before leaving the room, he grabbed both of our bags. I guessed that he wasn't planning on leaving the room for awhile and I certainly didn't mind in the least.

As he carried me the short distance down the hallway toward his room, trying to keep his arousal in check for the short trip, my mind couldn't help but wander to the past few days. Everything seemed to go by so fast and it was hard to believe that I came out of it in one piece. Yet it's not like anything really got solved. I learned that when I thought I was in way over my head before, I was only kidding myself.

* * *

_January 29, 2007  
9:39 PM_

"_Jeff, what was that about?"_

_We walked through the curtain and entered the gorilla position once more as I waited for a response to my question. I still couldn't believe that he had actually kissed me again… that I actually let him kiss me again. The first time was scripted. It was to start our on-screen relationship and the reason Adam was so distant all day. But the second kiss? That was all Jeff. It's not like I really had a chance to stop him, but I knew that I should have seen it coming._

"_Get the fuck away from him Nami!"_

_Adam looked furious as he grasped my arm and threw me behind him. The space wasn't that big so I bumped right into the chest of Randy. He reached out and grabbed my arm lightly. It's not like I was going to go anywhere anyway. Well, maybe I would try and get away from the confrontation that was about to happen. Adam and Jeff both stared at each other as my boyfriend tried his best to control his anger._

"_Stay the fuck away from her," Adam growled softly as he clenched and unclenched his fists. I closed my eyes for a second and couldn't believe that this was actually happening._

"_You don't own her Adam," Jeff said defiantly. "She's my friend and…"_

"_If you think I am falling for your 'just friends' bullshit, you can save it!" Adam raged as he stepped up to stand right in front of Jeff. "Whether she wants to believe it or not, I know you like her. There's just one problem. You see, she's taken."_

"_I am quite aware of that," Jeff said in an equally heated tone. "You practically throw your relationship in my face every fucking time we see each other."_

"_There's probably a pretty good reason for that," Adam said, sounding more and more like his character by the second. He was even quoting lines that he had just said earlier in the night on the broadcast. My love life was turning into one of the soap opera clichés that are sometimes seen on-screen. This was never supposed to have happened._

"_What the fuck do you mean by that?" Jeff asked as the two moved closer towards each other._

"_Keep your hands off of her," Adam said coldly. "I don't give a fuck if you two have to work together. Anything beyond that... just stay away from her!"_

"_You scared of something Adam?" Jeff asked with a malicious smirk. Evil bastard may have looked sexy at times on Adam, yet it didn't really fit Jeff. He was always my knight in shining armor. Adam turned away from Jeff for a second and slightly chuckled. He turned back to Jeff and grabbed him by his shirt ready to fight._

"_Adam, don't!" I exclaimed as I tried to break out of Randy's hold, yet he just wrapped his other arm around my waist to further the resistance_

"_You're not going anywhere babe," Randy whispered in my ear. I saw the backstage workers scrambling to try and figure out what to do. Luckily, John and Shawn arrived for the match. John pulled Adam away from Jeff as Shawn stepped in the middle._

"_What is going on here?" Shawn demanded as John kept a hold on Adam. The small space was getting more clustered by the second._

"_It's nothing," Jeff said, trying to calm himself down as he brushed past Shawn and down the steps. I was dreading our next conversation._

"_We have a match. So I suggest you get a hold of yourself," Shawn told Adam as he went to check on the order in which they would be entering. Adam ran a hand through his hair after John let go of him. He turned to me and Randy immediately let go of his hold._

"_I don't want you to go anywhere near him," Adam said as he took both of my hands in his._

"_He's my friend and…"_

"_Copeland, Orton… thirty seconds," one of the tech workers said interrupting my plea. I looked away from Adam's gaze and found John's eyes. He just shrugged his shoulders. It wasn't like I could just stop being Jeff's friend. I didn't want to stop being Jeff's friend._

"_We'll talk about it later," Adam said softly as he brought his lips down to mine. He kissed my intensely as if he was trying wipe every trace of Jeff away. Rated RKO's music hit and Adam pulled away._

"_I mean it Nam," Adam said as he turned to head to the curtain. "Don't go near him."_

_As soon as Randy and Adam left the area, John came over and pulled me into an embrace. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let a few tears fall._

"_Shhh… everything will work out," John whispered as he placed a light kiss on my head. "He'll calm down, don't worry."_

_DX's music started up and Shawn left to head toward the ring. I pulled back from John and quickly brushed the tears away. John smiled down at me and winked._

"_I'm sure the fellas wouldn't mind if you stayed back here for the match," John said as he turned to the staff. They all just shook their heads in indifference to the whole situation. I looked back to John and smiled._

"_I guess it would be for the best," I murmured, thinking that maybe it would put Adam in a slightly better mood to know that I waited for him._

_John's music hit and he gave me one last quick embrace before adjusting his hat and exiting through the curtain. I turned to watch the small monitor showing the camera feed of the event. No matter __what John said, I knew that things weren't going to be okay. I needed to make a choice and it needed to be done quickly._

* * *

I was pulled from my thoughts when we finally made it to Adam's bedroom and he lightly kicked the door open with his foot. The bags were dropped unceremoniously on the floor as he hastily walked to the bed. I thought that I would suffer the same fate, but Adam surprised me. Even though his mind was lost in lust and arousal, he cradled me in his arms and gingerly laid me down. Within seconds, he straddled my waist and gazed down upon me, a mix of love and lust swirling in his eyes.

I brushed all of my other thoughts away and just stared up at the man above me. He was amazing. Sure, we had gotten in a few arguments in the past few days, but that didn't alter the way I felt about him. He did have every right to be upset about the kiss. _I_ had every right to be upset about it as well. Jeff and I talked a little bit, but Adam was always around. He didn't want to leave me out of his sight. And when he couldn't be around to watch me, he had his friends do the babysitting.

I was able to convince John to let me leave and speak to Jeff once. I knew that I didn't have that much time so we really didn't get to address all the things that needed to be said. Jeff said that he was sorry for everything and he understood if I wanted nothing to do with him. I pretty much told him that that would be impossible. I couldn't just let Jeff go. I knew that I didn't have any real romantic feelings for him… not like Adam anyway… but I couldn't give up the best friend I had ever had.

"What'cha thinking about?" Adam asked with a grin as he traced the swell of my chest through my shirt. I closed my eyes and smiled as the familiar feeling of arousal swept through me.

"Just thinking about how wonderful you are," I muttered as my eyes fluttered open.

Adam leaned down and touched his forehead with mine. I closed my eyes and just let my body relax, well as much as one can when aroused beyond belief. Adam chuckled softly before bringing his lips down on the side of my neck. He kissed the already inflamed mark that he previously had made. I squirmed underneath him and he brought his mouth to my ear.

"Someone's a little anxious," he muttered before lightly nipping my earlobe.

"That's_ one word_ to describe it," I murmured as Adam's hand found its way between my thighs once more. It started as just teasing, but soon he pushed the fabric aside and his fingers came in contact with flesh.

"Adam," I moaned.

He smiled and moved his lips up to my own. He snaked his tongue inside of my mouth and dominated the encounter. I was all too willing to submit to him, knowing the way that he would make me feel. Just thinking about it made another moan slip through and be muffled by our passionate kiss.

"_Oh, I, oh I'm still alive…"_

On instinct, I pushed back and shimmied out from underneath Adam. I quickly went over to my bag and pulled the phone out. Adam let out a frustrated sigh and pounded his fist on the mattress. He knew exactly who was calling. I really needed to change the ringer ID. Right as I was about to open it, I was halted by a memory from just a few days ago. I looked down at the phone and realized that this might've been what Randy was talking about.

_

* * *

__January 31, 2007  
8:35 PM_

"_Randy, I don't need a babysitter."_

"_Actually I think you do… considering 'you know who' is right next door."_

_I scoffed at him and got up from my chair. Adam and I were both given the weekend off from the live shows yet he still had some professional obligations to do before it could be considered true time off. Most of the Raw roster was flying out to Wisconsin tomorrow for a live event on Friday night. Adam and I would be staying in Texas as he had a few signings to attend._

_Because I wouldn't be traveling with the roster, I wanted to speak to Jeff once more before next week. We had only spoken once since the kiss incident on Monday and that was because John Cena is a total sweetheart. He completely understood that this is hellish for me and is trying to make it as easy as possible. I couldn't say the same for Adam's other best friend. Jeff had the hotel room right next door and since Adam had a meeting with Vince to attend, he had Randy watch me. I was growing sick and tired of the babysitting and it had only been two full days._

"_God! All of you act as if I am some lovesick teenager," I said as I paced in front of my seat. Randy shrugged his shoulders and continued to read his magazine. "This is probably a federal offense of some kind."_

"_Good luck with that one," Randy muttered cynically as he pulled his eyes away for a second to look at me with a smirk. "I'm sure it would hold up in court."_

"_Shut up," I said as I sat down on the bed. "This is all your fault to begin with."_

"_My fault?" he asked as he put the magazine down to give me his full attention. "And how do you come to that conclusion?"_

"_You're the one who keeps filling Adam's head with all these stupid suspicions about me and Jeff," I said with a glare. He just laughed slightly and came over to sit on the opposite side of the bed._

"_You do that all by yourself Nam," he said with a laugh. "And Hardy's behavior toward you doesn't help matters."_

"_I haven't had a chance to talk to him about that," I said sullenly. For a few moments, the two of us just sat in silence. I looked down at my hands and took a deep breath before asking my next question. "Randy, do you really think that there is anything going on between me and Jeff?"_

"_Huh?" he asked as if he couldn't comprehend my question._

"_I'm just trying to figure out if that is the reason for all of your distrust towards me," I said. "Do you honestly think that I am having an affair with Jeff?"_

"_I do trust you," he muttered. "It's Hardy who I don't trust. And please don't tell me that I am just being ridiculous. That kiss Monday night should tell you otherwise."_

"_Maybe, he was just trying to play it up for the crowd?" I offered meekly, which earned a sarcastic laugh from my companion._

"_You sure know how to come up with excuses for him, don't you," he said with a laugh. "Just face it… he likes you and obviously doesn't care that you are already in a relationship… some friend."_

"_I don't really think you should be judging other people's morality Mr. Orton," I said. "You're not some perfect Prince Charming who has never done anything wrong."_

"_Did I say I was?" he asked with a laugh. "No… didn't think so. Besides Ms. Shepherd, I think it is you that needs to stop seeing Hardy in that way. He isn't perfect… far from it actually."_

"_I know, but he is my friend," I said in a pleading tone. "I don't want to feel like I need to choose between friendship and love."_

_Randy's eyebrows shot up at my admission and I quickly covered my mouth with my hand. I admitted that I was in love with Adam. And of course one of the first people I said it to was Randy. Out of all the people to tell, it had to be Randy._

"_If Adam really means that much to you," Randy said, as his features softened. "If you really are in love with him like you say, tell him. Then maybe he can look past whatever it is you have with Jeff."_

_He actually called Jeff by his first name. I knew now that Randy was trying to talk to me like a friend. And in a way, I knew he was right. If I just admitted to Adam the way I felt, he maybe could overlook my relationship with Jeff. It was deeper than any friendship that I had ever seen. I was attracted to Jeff in some ways, yet not like Adam. Jeff and I… it was hard describe, but it was something I didn't want to give up on._

"_Maybe," I murmured. Randy sighed and pulled me toward him._

"_And if he doesn't…" Randy started but quickly drifted off._

"_And if he doesn't what?" I asked as I turned to look up at him._

_This was the first time that I ever actually felt comfortable around him. He still was Randy Orton, but just a softer, nicer version. I wished that I could see this guy more often instead of his cocky, conceited counterpart. Don't get me wrong, that Randy was quite interesting in his own right. Yet this was the man I needed right now._

"_There's going to be a time when you are going to have to make a choice," Randy said. "You'll know when it comes. It's either going to be Adam or Jeff… I don't know in what way or form, but you will have to decide between the two. I guess that will be the test to see where your heart really lies."_

"_And how do you know all this?" I asked softly._

"_Because… I know that those two aren't going to wait around forever and they can't share you no matter how hard you try," Randy said honestly. "Sooner or later, you will be forced to choose between them. I just hope you know what you want by the time you are forced to make the choice."_

"_I really don't know what I want," I murmured softly._

"_I know," he said. "But you will. And hopefully the way Adam has you locked up away from Jeff, that choice won't come for some time. Give you a chance to think it through."_

_I knew that eventually I would have to choose. I knew that even before Jeff had kissed me on Monday. Yet now, my hand was being forced. I couldn't be hidden away from him forever. And I couldn't act like things could just stay the same._

"_Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both."_

* * *

I shook my head slightly as Eddie Vedder's voice continued to pervade my thoughts. I looked at the phone in my hands and realized that this was it. This was my Robert Frost-like crossroad and I needed to choose a road to take. I needed to choose now! Even if it turned out to be inconsequential to either man, to me this decision would make the difference. I took a deep breath and knew what I wanted to do, as much as it was going to hurt.

"I'm sorry."

It was barley a whisper as I let the phone slip from my grasp to the carpeted floor below. I stood up and went back over to the bed. Adam had his eyes shut and looked quite irritated. I couldn't blame him. I hastily got on the bed and straddled his waist. He opened his eyes in shock as I smiled down at him. I leaned down and kissed him briefly.

"Make love to me."

He smiled at my request and brought his hands to my waist. He easily rolled me off of him and pulled himself on top. He brought his lips down to mine and they met in a fervent frenzy. Nothing else mattered to us at that moment. We had each other.

"_I'm still alive."_


	32. I Didn't Think So

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. Lyrics is the chapter belong to Aqua and Jonathan Larson. Thanks to everyone who has read, added, and of course reviewed. Big thanks to my reviewers "68 stones from a broken heart", "x.Hardy.at.Heart.x", "unlimited emerald0307", "Fozzy-Floozy", and "Farra Sti". This chapter was the hardest to write so it took me awhile to get it out. I sort of was thinking of just getting rid of it and re-writing my plan but I just couldn't. Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

"Morning."

I murmured a response and lightly pressed a kiss to Adam's bare chest. It felt good to have the weekend off, even if there was only a day left, and I was happy to spend the time relaxing in his arms. It finally looked like our relationship was sturdy. It took some time, but almost three months into our relationship, I felt comfortable with him. He was everything I could want in a man. I would love nothing more than to wake up to his amazing smile every morning. Even though I would be lying if I said that I didn't have any doubts or misgivings. I just didn't want to think about them.

"I don't wanna get up," I whispered as I slightly stretched my aching back muscles.

Vince had me training a little more, as I would soon be getting back into the ring. I couldn't say I was too excited. I was happy just doing what I was doing presently, even if it wasn't exactly the best thing for my relationship. Just because I chose to be with Adam, didn't mean that I wanted to turn my back on Jeff.

Last night, I felt like I needed to make a statement to myself and to Adam. I needed to prove that he was the one that I wanted to be with. If I didn't feel ready to tell him yet, I still wanted to show him what he meant to me. I hoped that it meant something because it took a lot for me to not answer Jeff's call. I sort of had broken a promise to my best friend. I told him I would always be there when he needed to talk. I just hoped that it wasn't important.

"We don't have to then. I think we can find ways to entertain ourselves right here," he said with a mischievous smirk.

"Is that right?" I jokingly asked as I snuggled even closer to him.

He just nodded as his lips found mine. I chuckled as he pulled me on top of him and massaged my lower back muscles. It felt like heaven.

_"I'm a Barbie girl,  
__In the__ Barbie world…"_

"What is that?" Adam asked through laughter. I climbed off of him, returning his laughter, and looked for my phone. Why would Shannon be calling so early in the morning?

"It's Shan's ringtone," I said as I searched around on the floor, looking for where I had dropped it last night.

"Shannon Moore?" he asked still laughing as the song continued to blare through the room. I was happy to see that his reaction wasn't one of detestation. I smiled thinking that maybe he could finally accept that all Jeff and I had was a really deep friendship.

"He picked it, not me," I said with a laugh as I finally found the offending object underneath Adam's discarded shirt.

"Hi Shan. This is sort of a bad time," I said into the phone as I saw Adam was already sizing me up from where he lied. He crawled over and tried to pull me back up on the bed.

"Nami, Jeff has disappeared," Shannon said hastily. I let my hand slide free from Adam's grasp and I stood up. I shook my head and tried to run Shannon's statement through my mind. I thought that maybe I didn't understand him correctly.

"Huh? What do you mean _disappeared_?" I asked as I sat down next to Adam. He looked concerned because of my change in demeanor and put a hand on my shoulder.

"We can't find him anywhere," Shannon said, distress shining through his tone. It must be serious then. "His place is trashed. His car and bikes aren't gone, but he left his cell. He has gone off before yet never like this, you know? We have no clue what set him off or where he is. The last call on his cell was to you last night. What did he say?" I put a hand over my mouth. This is what I got for ignoring his call.

"I… I don't know. I wasn't… I didn't have my phone on me," I said, lying and hoping that Shannon couldn't pick up on it.

"What's wrong?" Adam whispered in my ear. I shook him off and stood up. My mind was only focused on the phone call.

"Oh, well there goes the only lead!" Shannon exclaimed, frustration evident in his tone. "Fuck! This is crazy. He was doing so well. I just don't get it."

"When did you notice he was gone?" I asked as I tried to keep my emotions in check. Previous conversations that Jeff and I had had kept running through my mind as I tried to come up for a reason. I couldn't come up with anything.

"This morning when Matt and I came over and found his front door partially open. Something's wrong Meemz. Something had to have…"

"Don't talk like that okay?" I exclaimed fiercely into the phone. "He's alright and we'll find him."

"Sure," he said, even though I could tell he didn't truly believe it. "I'll call if we hear anything."

"Shan, wait!" But it was too late as he had already disconnected. I flipped the phone shut and threw it across the room in frustration. I sat back down on the edge of the bed and buried my head in my hands.

Everything was going so great. And this had to come along and screw with my emotions. I didn't want to just sit around and wait for Shannon or Matt to call. I knew that I wouldn't enjoy the rest of the day if I just sat around and thought about where he might be.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Adam asked with concern in his tone as he wrapped his arms around me.

I leaned into him and continued to think about the situation. This was all my fault. If I had picked up the phone, none of this would have happened. Or at least that is what I kept telling myself. I thought that this was my punishment for my choice. Randy was right. There was a test and maybe I chose wrong. I knew that in my heart I was falling head over heels in love with Adam. Yet sometimes, friends come first. Maybe he really needed me, especially after the fact that we had barely said one word to each other in a whole week.

"Jeff's missing," I murmured softly as I tried to hold myself together. Tears would not bring Jeff home.

"That's it?" he asked flatly. I immediately turned on him with a disbelieving gaze.

"What do you mean _that's it_?" I asked harshly.

"Nam, I have known Jeff _a lot_ longer than you. Sometimes, he just needs his space and… he goes off. Does his own thing, but then he finds his way back. It's just Jeff being Jeff," he said with a small laugh and a smile.

I shook my head and looked away from his gaze. This was not just Jeff being himself. There was something else. Jeff had told me about times when he just needed to get away for awhile. He said he always let at least Matt and his father know. He was too concerned about his family to just go off without a word. Sure, he was spontaneous, but he was also caring and considerate.

"That doesn't account for the fact that his entire house looks like a tornado ran through it," I said as I pulled out of his embrace and got off the bed. "Even if Jeff did just go off on his own, he is obviously hurting and needs help." I went and grabbed my discarded shirt from the ground. I tried to get some of the wrinkles out of it before pulling it over my head.

"Yeah, he needs help all right," Adam scoffed. "Nothing that four padded walls and a straightjacket couldn't fix."

"You can't honestly be serious," I said indignantly as I turned to look him straight in the eyes.

"Nam, he is trouble," Adam said as he reached out to grasp my hand. "And it's not like I am saying you can't be friends with him... even though I really don't see the attraction of him as a friend. I just think that you are taking things a little too far."

"Thanks for your opinion, but I think I know what I am doing," I murmured softly as I entwined my fingers with his.

I didn't want to fight with Adam. I wanted to be with him. I just felt like I owed it to Jeff to be there for him as well. He had done so much for me the past months and I had never been able to repay him. Maybe now, I finally could. Maybe I could be the knight in shining armor for once, instead of always the damsel in distress.

"So what? You're just going to leave and run off to go play _Find the Missing Hardy_?" Adam asked callously as he let go of my hand. I sighed and walked over to where my skirt was on the ground.

"You are such a jerk sometimes you know that?" I said as put my skirt on. I didn't exactly know what my course of action would be. But I didn't want to just wait around for a phone call.

"You are fucking ridiculous!" Adam bellowed as he lied back on the bed. "I am your boyfriend! I am the one who you spent all night making love to! Yet as soon as Hardy is in a little trouble, you go running to his aid!"

"He is my best friend! I need to make sure he is okay!" I yelled back at him. "If you got a call saying Jay's house was in shambles and he was gone, would you be worried? I think so!"

"Shannon will call you when they find him!" Adam ranted in a harsh tone. "What good are you going to be anyway? You're probably the reason he went psycho to begin with… scratch that, he has _always _been psycho. _Yo__u_ just sent him over the edge."

Everything that I was about to tell him left me and all I could do was stare into his eyes. In a matter of a few minutes, he had changed. It was like seeing a totally different person and it was all because he was jealous over something that he thought was there. I knew that he thought I wanted to be with Jeff and I can't lie and say that I haven't considered it. Yet in my heart, Adam was always first. It was just at this moment, after thinking that I showed Adam how much I truly cared for him, I believed that Jeff needed me more.

"You bastard," I muttered coldly as I finally found my voice. I stared at him as if a stranger had taken over Adam's body. He still looked like my boyfriend, yet he certainly wasn't the caring man who was holding me in his arms a few moments before.

"You said that you would never do what Amy did," Adam exclaimed as he sat up once more. I had to fight not to roll my eyes_. Of course_ it would come back to that. "Yet you are Nam! You are! You would choose him over me in a fucking heartbeat!"

I turned away from him and tried to calm down. I couldn't look at him. The very sight of him disgusted me at this moment. How could he be so cruel? I didn't know what happened to Jeff, but I wanted to do anything I could do to help. I felt, in a way, responsible, yet not in the way that Adam was accusing me of being. I walked over to where my sandals were and slid my feet inside.

"You leave and we're through," Adam said softly yet coldly.

I turned and glared at him. So now he was giving me ultimatums? He was really making me choose. He had just said that he didn't care if I was friends with Jeff and now, he was almost forbidding it. I guess this was the real test and last night was only a precursor. And I didn't know if I could make the same decision as I had done the previous night.

"Are you _that_ insecure about our relationship?" I asked, still not believing what I was hearing from him.

He shook his head and laughed slightly. Normally, his laugh sounded harmonious yet now it was scornful. I knew that our perfect, relaxing weekend was officially over. And I hoped that that wasn't the _only thing_ that would be over by the end of the conversation.

"This isn't about my insecurities," Adam said as he got up off the bed to stand in front of me. "This is about the fact that you are fucking me yet in love with him!"

Before I knew it, my hand had come up and connected with the side of his face. I put all the force I had into it. I was hurt beyond measure and couldn't believe that this was the same man that I was in love with. He hurt me more than he would ever know in that instant.

"I love Jeff, okay?" I said as a tear slipped from my eye. "I love him… but I am _not_ in love with him! That's you Adam!"

He looked at me slightly shocked. I was shocked myself that I had actually told him how I felt. It was the first time I ever said those words to a guy and I really meant it. Yet at this moment, we weren't right for each other. I took the easy road last night. I thought that everything would be perfect and there would be smooth sailing. But right now, I realized that even though I loved Adam, he obviously didn't love me, at least not the way I wanted him to.

"That was you."

With that final admission, I turned away and grabbed my bag off of the ground. I needed to get away from him and I knew where to go. I wasn't planning on going to Cameron, even while I was arguing with Adam. I just wanted to be up and not in such a compromising situation where I wouldn't be able to answer a call. Now, I had nothing to lose. I had already lost Adam, considering I was going to leave, even though I was pretty sure that he would cave on that ultimatum.

"Wait!"

He _would _definitely cave, but I didn't want him to. I didn't turn around. I couldn't. All I wanted was to be with him. I thought that he was my future… my tomorrow. Yet now, I was just about as lost mentally and emotionally as Jeff was physically. Hey, everyone always said that we were alike.

I hurried to my rental car and got inside. Adam hadn't followed me outside. In the back on my mind, I wished he had. I know that it sounded like a cheesy romance movie, but I wished the Adam had ran out and told me not to go. Told me that he loved me and we spent the whole afternoon together. Yeah, that is why it is called the movies.

I gave one last look to Adam's home before turning and getting in my rental car. I started it up and pulled out of the driveway. The whole ride to the airport was a blur. I was trying to get there as fast as I could while not letting my emotions get the best of me. It wasn't working very well.

I was without two men that meant a lot to me and held me together. Adam and I were as good as done if not officially over. I couldn't believe it and didn't want to dwell on it at the moment. I just couldn't believe that our parting came so quickly. I had always been preparing for it… the truth about me would eventually have to come out. This was not as bittersweet as that parting would have been. And then there was Jeff, who had been my savior for so long and now was the one in need. I had to decide and I knew that either way it was a lose-lose situation.

When I pulled up to the rental car parking lot, I remembered that when I got off the phone with Shannon, I did have a voicemail. I couldn't believe that I hadn't thought of it sooner. I was just too caught up in everything that was happening to think that Jeff would have left a message. I pulled the phone from my bag and quickly dialed the number. Putting in the code, I waited to hear if it was from Jeff.

"Nami… hey it's me. I… I just really needed to talk. And I know… I know that you are with Adam this weekend but… oh fuck it. It's nothing… I'm just…"

_"To delete this message, press seven_."

* * *

"I got here as soon as I could."

I looked around Jeff's spacious living room and immediately felt more depressed than I had before I arrived. I didn't think that that was possible. Smashed picture frames, empty liquor bottles, and other debris were strewn randomly about the room. I looked at Matt and Shannon's faces and immediately became extremely worried.

"Where is he?"

Both of them just shrugged their shoulders and continued to survey the disaster zone with me. They had been here earlier. I guessed they had yet to clean anything. Maybe they were waiting for Jeff to come and explain himself. It had taken me forever to get a flight. It was now almost eight at night and he still hadn't been found. I didn't care if they wanted to wait for him. I didn't want Jeff to come home to the broken mess that he had left.

I put my stuff down in the corner of the room and walked over to the first broken frame in reach. It was a recent picture of the Hardy men: Jeff, Matt, and their father. I carefully pulled the picture from the busted frame. I moved on to the next one: Jeff and Beth. Then I did the same with the next and the next, until I finally came to the last one.

I knew what picture the frame encased before I flipped it over. And when I did, I felt the first few tears fall. I had tried my best to keep my emotions in check all day, but it was too much. We both looked so happy. He was happy. It was only two months ago. What could have changed so drastically that would make this happen?

The three of us continued to silently clean the room. We were all lost in our own thoughts about Jeff's destruction. I knew that he had been running on empty for awhile. He had been gunning non-stop since he rejoined the company in August and it had taken its toll. Yet this could not be because he was just burned out. There had to be more.

And I hated to think that maybe I had something to do with it. If I was in the same situation as Jeff was, he wouldn't just sit around and wait for me to come to him. He would try and search me out. He even flew all the way to New Jersey to take care of me when I was sick. I knew that my search would probably inevitability end in failure, but I had to try. I was here after all and had nowhere else to go.

"Where are you going?" Matt asked as he saw me getting ready to leave.

"To find your brother," I said as I buttoned up my coat.

Matt and Shannon both opened their mouths as if they had something to say yet no words came out. I think that they could see my state of disarray and didn't want to add to it. I waved goodbye to both men before quickly exiting the house and getting back into my rental car. I started down the back roads of Cameron, yet he was nowhere. I knew that he probably was traveling on foot yet he had a good day head start on me. He was totally untraceable as he didn't have his cell on him.

After an hour of driving all around a ten mile radius of the town, I felt totally helpless. Yet I knew that I couldn't give up on Jeff. He never let me down before and I was not about to start. I already felt horrible about not answering his call. I had a lot to make up for as it was the one relationship that I could probably salvage this night.

"_I'm a Barbie girl,  
__In __the__ Barb..."_

"Is he back?" I asked as I continued to drive through the unknown territory.

"Nah, but I thought of a place he might be," Shannon said. I waited a second yet he didn't get the hint.

"Well? Where?" I asked as I pulled over into the shoulder and concentrated on Shannon's voice.

"It's sort of hard for me to remember exactly. This area has changed a lot in recent years, but I think I know how to get there," he said.

"Think! Really hard!" I exclaimed in a frustrated tone.

"It was a place that we went to when we were younger. A lot of it has been developed now. Damn consumerism," Shannon said with a laugh. Yet I was not in the mood.

"You still there?" he asked.

"Yes. I'm just waiting for you to say something useful," I muttered as I tried to keep my frustration level down. I was too worried about Jeff's safety to be frustrated right now. Especially when Shannon was probably my only way of finding him.

"All I know is that it's in the wooded area by the big shopping center. You know… the one with the Target and…"

"Yeah, I passed it," I said halting any further description as I turned the car back on. I immediately headed in the correct direction.

"I'll check it out," I said as I stopped for the red light. "Thanks Shan."

"Bring him home… preferably in one piece," he said with a laugh. At any other time, I would have joined in. Yet after everything that had happened today, I couldn't. I flipped my phone shut and quickly made my way to the shopping center.

Even if I found him, what would I say? I didn't know why he turned into a human hurricane and left a path of destruction wherever he went. Whenever I had a problem, he was there. Whenever I needed to talk, he was there. And the way I return the favor is blowing him off to fuck my boyfriend. I felt like the shittiest best friend that ever lived. Yet I also felt like the shittiest girlfriend that ever lived for thinking that way. I guess that was another thing I could add to the list of reasons Adam and I wouldn't work. I chose my friends over him.

I pulled into the parking lot to park the car. The mall was not my destination yet I couldn't just drive into the woodlands. I hustled out of the car and to the edge of the woods. I peered into the trees seeing if I could find any sign of life. It was now after nine and February so needless to say, it was dark. I had no light source beside that of my cell phone. I stepped gently into the woods and started to slowly walk into the darkness. If I had been thinking straight, I could honestly say that I wouldn't be doing this. But I needed answers, and I felt like this was the only way that I would get them.

I went awhile just by the glow of the shopping center yet soon found myself encompassed in the dark of the night. I flipped my cell phone open and turned the small camera phone flash on. It barely gave off any light, but it was just enough so I wouldn't walk into a tree or stumble on an exposed root. The clouds were covering up the moon's glow. Even nature was against me today. After a few minutes of stumbling around, the clouds parted and the moon showered its beams down on me.

"Finally," I muttered as I flipped my phone shut and put it back in my purse. The moon barely helped my feeling of absolute helplessness, but it shone light on the land. I was grateful for any help. I looked back from where I had come and could no longer see the lights from the mall. Shannon said that this was overly commercial. Obviously he had never lived in New Jersey.

It was getting colder and my light coat was not shielding me from the cold. I felt as if I was on a scavenger hunt that would never end. I was so displaced that I began to become worried for my own safety. Who knows what was living out here? I nervously hummed to myself and continued my trek. I thought about screaming out his name yet didn't want to track unwanted attention. Besides, I didn't think he wanted to be found.

I walked for what seemed like days before I came to a little clearing. It was quite beautiful for being in the absolute middle of nowhere. Yet isn't that how things always end up? The most picturesque locations are the ones that people can never see. If they did, they would just want to put houses on the land. I walked further into the flat land and over to a small stream that trickled on by.

I looked down at my reflection in the moonlight. I was a total mess. The clothes were the same ones that I had worn the day before and had spent the night lying unceremoniously on Adam's floor. My hair was haphazardly knotted and scattered in every which way. My eyes were bloodshot and my face tear-stained.

I knelt down and touched the freezing cold water with my hand. At least I knew that my body hadn't gone numb yet as the water was frigid to the touch. I fell back and sat on the bank of the stream and watched the water flow. A few tears fell from my eyes, as I recounted everything that had happened to me. In less than twenty-four hours, my whole personal life turned on its head.

And I deserved it all. I let down my best friend. I let my boyfriend down. I deserved all the pain that I was feeling. They didn't deserve any. I tried to calm myself down by remembering better times.

_"Remember what you told me once, when I was totally down on myself? You said that music can cure all… that in any situation, there was a song that could soothe your soul. Well? Practice what you preach."_

Thanksgiving. Fuck, I couldn't believe that that was two months ago. It seemed like just yesterday. Everything was so much simpler then. I wasn't a Diva yet. I hadn't slept with Adam yet. And Jeff and I… everything was perfect the way it was. Jeff had cheered me up that day when I needed it. Practice what you preach, huh? I doubted that even music would help me out of this.

_"Without you, the ground thaws,  
__The rain falls, the grass grows."_

I stopped my light singing and sniffled as more tears began to fall. I ran my hands across the ragged, dying grass and thought Jeff.

_"__Without you, the seeds root,  
__The flowers bloom, the children play.__"_

My voice broke a little and I realized that this was probably not the best song to sing. Yet it was the first one that came to my mind when I thought about the situation I was in. I was pleading for the two people that I loved to understand how much they meant to me.

_"__The stars gleam, the poets dream.  
__The eagles fly without you__."_

I looked up and saw the clouds in the sky. Some of the stars peaked through and I tried to find a voice to continue. I looked up and thought that Adam might be looking at the same sky this very minute. At least we might still be connected somehow.

_"__The earth turns, the sun burns__…"  
__"But I die without you."_

It really wasn't that far from the truth. I felt like I was dying inside.

_"__Without you, the breeze warms,  
__The girl smiles, the cloud moves__."_

It had gotten much colder outside. My voice was not only quivering from sadness. I brought my knees up in front of my chest and hugged them tightly against me trying to keep warm. I closed my eyes and tried to picture myself still in Adam's strong arms. It was my favorite place to be. Right now, I was the furthest thing from it.

_"__Without you, the tides change,  
__The boys run, the oceans crash.  
__The crowds roar, the days soar,  
__The babies cry without you.__"_

I thought about everything that he meant to me. I thought about what Adam had said. Who would I choose if I could only have one? Would I be able to sacrifice the friendship I had with Jeff to be with Adam? I didn't think I could ever choose. I ended up making two hasty decisions over the course of twenty-four hours and they both seemed to doom two different relationships.

_"__The moon glows, the river flows  
__But I die without you."_

There would only be one Jeff Hardy. He completed me in ways that Adam never could. I was in love with Adam, but it just wasn't the same. It was indescribable. Yet there were things about Adam that I knew I would never find again. The two would never balance, like oil and water, and I hated myself for what I had done.

_"__The world revives,  
__Colors renew  
__But I know blue__-__ only blue,  
__Lonely blue, within me blue,  
__Without you.__"_

I was really alone. No one could understand. People would probably think I was overreacting but they didn't see Adam's face. He was so angry and even though I caught him off guard by telling him that I was in love with him, he was still betrayed. And he had every right to feel that way. If he did it to me, I don't know if I could say I would feel any differently.

_"__Without you__, the hand gropes  
__The ear hears, the pulse beats."_

I felt my own heart barely beating in my chest. I was so cold and beyond upset. I turned away from my reflection and walked beside the stream. I needed to keep moving or I felt like I would freeze.

_"__Without you, the eyes gaze,  
__The legs walk, t__he lungs breathe__."_

I started to become more and more frustrated. Here I was, freezing my ass of in the middle of winter, looking for someone who didn't want to be found. I was so lost that I doubted I would ever be able to find my way out of here in the dark. And I didn't know if I could make it till morning. I thought that maybe this was my punishment for all the pain that I had caused.

_"__The mind churns,  
__The heart yearns  
__The tears dry without you__."_

Yeah right. These tears wouldn't be drying until I knew that Jeff was safe and could try and talk to Adam. I knew that wouldn't be for awhile because I would need to work up the courage to see him. I was already planning an excuse to tell Vince when I called in sick for Raw.

_"__Life goes on, but I'm gone  
__Cause I die without you.__"_

I sang it as loud as I could on this frostbitten night. Once again, I sunk down to the ground. As if on cue, a raindrop landed on my cheek. I looked up and watched as the rain began to fall lightly. The shower wouldn't wash away all the guilt and sadness I was feeling. Fresh water mixed with salty tears on my cheeks.

I brought my knees back up to my chest once again. Yet with the drizzling rain, it was hard to keep any heat in. I laid my head face down on my knees. This was not how I pictured my weekend off to be. I pictured Adam and I rarely getting out of bed. I pictured warm bubble baths to soothe my aching muscles. Instead, there was no Adam. There was no warmth… just a lot of emptiness and cold weather. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I almost didn't feel a hand lightly touch me on the shoulder. The touch pressed a little harder and I jumped around to face the trespasser.

"What are you doing here?"

I turned to look at the newcomer as I immediately recognized the voice. In the darkness and bad weather, it was hard to make out all of his features. It was still recognizably him, even if his voice didn't give it away. I jumped to my feet and stared at him for a moment. It wasn't long before I fell into his arms.

"I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you right now," I said softly. I buried my face in his chest and sighed in relief.

"You didn't answer my question," he murmured into my hair. I pulled back and looked up into his eyes, both of us slightly shivering from the cold, damp night.

"Looking for you."

Jeff's expression went from confusion, to shock, and finally to happiness. I couldn't say that my face reflected the same emotion. I was more relieved than anything. Happiness wasn't a factor at the moment.

"Why else would I be outside… in the rain… in the middle of winter… in North Carolina?" Jeff laughed slightly at my question and kissed me lightly on the temple.

He seemed perfectly fine and I couldn't help but be a little angered. I blew up at Adam and pretty much left him because I was concerned for this man. And he seemed actually happy. I sort of wished that something was wrong so I could feel justified in me leaving. Now, there was no justification and Adam came out being right on all accounts.

"What happened?" I asked softly as he had yet to really speak.

He shrugged his shoulders and pulled away from me. Not only did I feel cold because of the loss of his body heat, I was emotionally drained. This day started out like a dream but was ending up to be a nightmare. He turned away from me and I lost it.

"Don't walk away from me!" I exclaimed. "I want to know why you decided to go off and scare everyone into thinking that something was seriously wrong, when all you can do is shrug your shoulders. There better have been a good…"

"Is that why you came?" he said hastily as he turned back around to look at me. "Cause you needed to have an actual motive to talk to me."

"God, please don't tell me that _that_ is what this is all about," I said as I crossed my arms over my chest in an attempt to keep warm.

"Sorry Meemz, but the whole world doesn't revolve around you," he said with a somewhat bitter chuckle.

"This is insane," I muttered more to myself than to Jeff. "I feel like I am in the twilight zone! First Adam and now you."

"I really don't want to even be in the same sentence with that jackass let alone a comparison," he said.

"Sorry," I muttered softly as I looked down away from his shadowed eyes. "But today… you both broke my heart."

I walked past him and figured that I would try and find my way back to the car. If I stayed outside any longer, even though the rain was slowing down, I was sure to have pneumonia. But hey, that would get me out of having to go to Raw, but I would probably be in a hospital. Didn't know which one would suck more. I hustled into the wooded area once more and just walked a straight path. It would have to eventually lead to the other side.

"What happened with Adam?" Jeff asked as he came up alongside me.

"You answer my question and I'll answer yours," I muttered, refusing to look his way.

"I don't know where to start," he said after a few moments of us just walking in silence. "After everything that happened this week, I was a little out of sorts. I… it had nothing to do with you, but at the same time, _everything _to do with you."

He broke off as the rain finally stopped falling. I guessed that it was harder to think when the only sound was our footsteps, trudging over the frozen ground.

"You mean a lot to me and… I couldn't believe that you actually had to get permission to come see me," Jeff admitted with a small laugh. "It was… no it is ludicrous and I still don't understand it."

"Then why did you kiss me?" I asked bluntly. I was sick of beating around the bush and trying to hint at things. I wanted and deserved the truth.

"Honestly?" he asked with another small laugh. "I don't know. I mean… I would be lying if I said that I didn't find you attractive… and beautiful. But I don't think I did it because of that."

"Then why?" I asked softly after he had been quiet for a few moments.

"I told you," he said quickly. "I don't know!"

"So… you don't like me?" I asked.

There was just silence and I was pretty sure that that was all the evidence I needed. Randy and Adam were both right and I was just too blind to see it.

"So why run off?" I asked with slight harshness to my tone. "Why destroy your home instead of just talking to me?"

"It isn't all about you Nami!" he exclaimed as he stepped in front of me. I hadn't heard him say my real name in a while and it sort of unnerved me… that and his tone. "I care about you… a lot. You are one of the most important women in my life and I can honestly say that I don't want you to be with Adam. You deserve someone so much better than him. And I would hate for you to settle for anything less than you deserve. But… that doesn't mean that I think I'm _that guy_. Sure, I've thought about us being together, but… I'm not sure if it is for the best. You might be able to handle me as a friend, but anything else… I doubt we would last past a week."

I stayed silent and continued walking. He wasn't making much sense to me, but I was beyond caring. When I told Randy I didn't know what I wanted, I was being truthful. I still was unsure, but I knew that this feeling I was having now was not it.

"Things got a little out of control last night," Jeff said softly, breaking me from my own self-loathing. "Beth was over and we got in this huge argument about… well about you. If you think that you're the only one that has a jealous beau, you're wrong."

Yeah, except in my case it was past tense.

"She went on and on… and on about how I was going to leave her for you… sounds familiar, huh?" he said with a grin. "I tried to explain that situation, but she was just as unreasonable as Adam. So when she left, I called you… figuring you could talk me down. I'm always relaxed after talking with you. But I just got your voice mail. So after a lot of self-doubt and a little bit of liquor, things got a little out of hand, which I guess you saw the aftermath of."

The destruction wasn't just his physical belongings, but also my love life. Yeah, I had definitely seen it and was going to be feeling the aftershocks for awhile.

"I still can't believe that you are here," he said, somewhat happily. I guessed that confessing all of that made him feel better. Too bad that it only made me feel lousy. "I wonder what Adam had to say about this." I shook my head as we had finally made it out of the woods.

"He had a lot to say," I muttered as I headed toward the visible parking lot. "And I…"

I couldn't bring myself to say it. I had walked out on my relationship. And as much as I wanted to blame Jeff, I couldn't. Even if he hadn't gone off, I didn't think that everything in our lives would have been practically perfect. It was all on me. Now, looking back on things, I had many doubts in my relationship with him. Who wouldn't… especially when the life I was living with him was centered around a lie.

It weighed on my mind every time he looked my way with a smile… every time he kissed me… every time we made love. It was always there: the doubt of what our relationship would be when my story was done. After three months, I realized that I had truly fallen in love. But what if Adam saw it as falling in love with a lie? I could tell how much honesty meant to him and it hurt that he couldn't know the truth. I did almost tell him once, but the words couldn't come out. I could've cared less about my job. I was scared of his reaction.

"Meemz, you still there?" Jeff asked.

"Adam and I…" I started once more, but again couldn't say it.

We reached the car and I leaned my head on the cold, wet metal and tried to just absorb everything that had happened. I felt Jeff put his hand on my shoulder and pull me to him.

"I'm sorry," he murmured as he assumedly figured out what I was having a hard time admitting.

I had lost my happily ever after.


	33. Afraid To Find Out That You're Alone

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. The dialogue and Raw matches come from the 2/5/07 broadcast. Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed. "Farra Sti", "68 stones from a broken heart", "x.Hardy.at.Heart.x", "bajan-martini", "XtremeGirl619", "unlimited emerald0307", and "Fozzy-Floozy" - my sincere appreciation goes out to you for reviewing and being loyal readers! You all and your kind words always make my day. Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

"I don't want to go."

"I wouldn't want to go either if I was in your position, but you have to."

Jeff held open the door of the Tyson Event Center and was trying to get me to go through. Before leaving North Carolina for Iowa this morning, I had tried calling in sick. Yet since I had just taken time off, I was being forced to attend. It had only been twenty-four hours and I would probably have to face Adam. Oh yeah, and it would have been our three month anniversary. This promised to be a _great_ night.

Jeff grabbed my arm lightly and pulled me through the door. I cautiously looked around as we walked up to the check-in area, as I didn't want to bump into a few certain Superstars.

"See?" he said with a comforting smile. "That wasn't so hard."

I gave him a slight sneer which he just laughed off as he signed us both in for the night. I saw a few people walk by and pulled my baseball cap further down over my eyes. I had barely slept last night… and it wasn't just because of the pervasive sounds of make-up sex that reverberated throughout Jeff's house. It was my own conscience eating away at me.

I didn't want to say I made the wrong decision in going to Cameron. Matt said that Jeff seemed better than he had seen him in weeks. I didn't know if he was being truthful or was just trying to cheer me up some. I really couldn't notice a big difference in Jeff's overall disposition, but I was happy that maybe I was actually able to help someone, if not myself. Whatever happened to that old saying, 'when you help others, you help yourself'? Yeah… I'd like to run _my situation_ by them sometime.

"So, I guess you'll be rooming with me tonight," Jeff stated as we walked down the corridor toward the locker rooms.

"No," I said sarcastically. "I think I'll just go to Adam's room. Sure that would go over well."

"You said yourself that you aren't sure where you two stand," he said reassuringly as he located his designated locker room.

"Maybe… but I don't think that we are even remotely close to be standing in the same room as each other," I said cynically.

"You want me to talk with him?" Jeff asked as he leaned against the door knob, not ready to enter with this private conversation still going on.

"Are you insane?" I asked incredulously. "No, I don't want you to talk with Adam. He hates me eno…"

"He doesn't hate you," Jeff attested. "There is no way he could. You were concerned about a friend. He should be happy he has a girlfriend who cares that much."

"Yeah… too bad it wasn't caring about him," I mused as he peered inside the locker room to make sure it was okay for me to enter.

"Don't be so hard on yourself," he said with a smile as he held the door open for me. "He is probably waiting for you to go talk with him."

"There is something called a phone," I mused as I waved to the few Superstars that were present.

Jeff put both of our bags down and flashed me a small smile. I knew that he still didn't like Adam, but he was trying to comfort me. Especially after all I had done for him yesterday which included telling Jeff that Beth was the one who cleaned up all the debris in his home. Matt and Shannon were surprised but let her take the credit as we knew that it would make Jeff happy. It helped them start a conversation, which ended up in them making out on the couch, which quickly moved to his bedroom, and yeah… I wasn't the _only one_ who didn't get much sleep last night. Yet at least on their part, they were having a great night. So needless to say, I was in a really bad place at the moment and had given up a lot to be there for Jeff. And I thought that I was in debt to him for all he had done for me. After this, I would say we were even.

"Hey Jeff," Nitro said as he came into the room and greeted both of us. "You're going against Ric tonight. Talk about a match to watch."

Jeff shot me a small glance before falling into conversation with his friend. I didn't want to feel like a third wheel and didn't know many of the other Superstars in this room very well. This was the first time that I really used a locker room besides Adam's. I figured to keep my mind off of things, I would go to wardrobe. I wanted to get there before most, as I wasn't in the mood to speak with anyone. There was a particular trio that I needed to definitely try my best to avoid, chiefly because I didn't know what to say.

I knew that I didn't know what to say to Adam yet because I didn't know how he was feeling. Yet John and Randy were another story altogether. I guess that you could have considered them my friends, but they were ultimately friends by association. The only reason I really got close to them was because I was always hanging around Adam. I knew their allegiance would have to be to him and I didn't want to make things any more difficult than I already had.

I made it through the corridors and found my way to the wardrobe area. Luckily, I was the only wrestler there. I took my time getting into my predetermined outfit for the night. It was a beautiful dress that I didn't feel like I belonged in: a white, off the shoulder, silk, cocktail dress that was accented with rhinestones. I was also given silver heels that were adorned with rhinestones as well. I stood in front of the mirror a long time just staring at my reflection. I tousled my hair as it barley had any volume thanks to the hat I spent much of the day hiding under.

There was no hiding any longer, even though I was still going to be under my avoidance arrangement. I walked out of the changing area and immediately stopped when I saw who was in the makeup chair. It just didn't seem to be my day. Our eyes locked as he stared at me through the mirror. Even though I was dressed up in this beautiful costume, I knew he could see my practically lifeless frame underneath.

"Why don't you look nice," Jan, the makeup artist said as she turned to look my way. "I knew it was a perfect fit for you the moment I saw it. Doesn't she look nice Adam?"

I turned away from his gaze in the mirror as I couldn't bear to see what was in his eyes. This was not exactly how I planned our first meeting to go. Yet I never really planned for any of this to happen.

"Yeah… she's beautiful," he responded softly.

"Take a seat honey," Jan said, while gesturing to the empty seat next to Adam. "I'm almost done here." That was because there was no real work that needed to be done on him. Adam was perfect the way he was.

Silence fell over the space. The tension was building by the second. I kept my eyes on my clasped hands in my lap. When I finally did dare to look up into the mirror, I caught Adam's gaze for a moment before he looked away. I frowned slightly before looking back down at my hands.

"Wait here one second," Jan said to Adam after a few more moments of awkward silence.

She left and walked toward the hallway. I looked at her retreating figure and inwardly groaned. So much for avoidance now. I looked back down at my hands in contemplation of what to do. After a few moments of silence, it was quite apparent that neither of us wanted to be the first one to speak.

"Could you…" I started, but was startled when I caught his gaze once more. "Uh… just tell Jan that I'll be back later."

"Wait, Nam," he said after I had gotten up from my seat and turned to leave. I turned back around and for the first time looked directly in his eyes instead of the mirror's reflection. I searched the green orbs but didn't find anything to give me hope. "Never mind."

My eyes dropped from his gaze and back to the tiled floor. I nodded slightly and turned back around to leave. At least he didn't seem angered anymore, just really upset… which I understood. Maybe couldn't deal with it yet, but I definitely understood it. Right as I turned into the hallway, I saw Jan was returning. She shot me a smile and waved me back into the wardrobe area. I sighed and went back over to my seat.

"Trying to run out on me," Jan said with a laugh as she re-entered the area with a bright royal blue piece of material clutched in her grasp. "How could you let her leave? You have a beautiful woman all to yourself and you let her slip through your fingers."

She laughed at her joking statements, but neither of us were amused. Adam and I both locked eyes through our reflections.

"More like the other way around," he muttered, answering both Jan's lighthearted query and my overarching suspicion. We were no longer together and I had no one to blame but myself.

"You must certainly be crazy to walk out on this," she said, again jokingly as she laid the blue fabric on Adam's shoulder. Jan chuckled once more but neither of us joined in.

"I know," I murmured as I look down once again.

"I'm going to take a wild guess and say that there is something going on here that I am not in on," Jan said slyly as she reached for a hairbrush.

"It's nothing," Adam muttered as he got up from his seat. "Thanks Jan." Adam grasped the fabric, which I assumed was his wrestling trunks as I saw his 'Rated R Superstar' logo emblazoned on it, and pulled it off his shoulder.

"Anytime," she said with a smile as she began to run the brush through my hair.

I lifted up my head and looked at him through the mirror once more. Even though he had stood up, Adam lingered, just staring at my image. I shifted slightly in my seat because of the intensity of his gaze, causing the hairbrush to graze against the skin on my neck.

"Sorry about that," Jan said after I slightly hissed in pain. She pulled my shoulder length hair to one side and chuckled softly while staring at the exposed skin.

"Guess you will be needing _a lot_ of attention tonight," she said as she regarded the reddish-purple skin that was uncovered. I saw Adam's expression change from coldly statuesque to an animated grin. "Looks like someone got some action this weekend."

Adam gave a slight chuckle at Jan's quip, but just as quickly, his demeanor changed back to his previous stoic state. It was so unlike him and it was killing me to have to bear witness to it. Adam patted Jan on the back as he passed her. Shooting one last glance my way, he turned down the hallway and away from my sight.

"Well, that was awkward" Jan said as she reached for the can of hairspray. "I take it that you two don't get along very well."

"I honestly don't know."

* * *

_"Shawn Michaels, you aren't challenging anybody! I am facing John Cena for the WWE title at Wrestlem__ania!"_

I looked up from my journal at the sound of Randy's loud demand. Raw had started and all of the brands three champions - Batista, Bobby Lashley, and John Cena – were in the ring. The Undertaker was there as well, and decided on facing Batista at Wrestlemania. That brought Shawn Michaels out to ask John Cena once more for a title shot… which brought Randy out. I knew it was only going to be a few moments before the familiar sounds of "Metalingus" blared throughout the arena.

_"__And I am not asking for it__," _Randy exclaimed as he stared at a bored looking John Cena in the ring. This back and forth between the three competitors for the title was getting a little old even to the wrestlers' characters._"__I'm not asking for it. I'm demanding it. I will be the next WWE heavyweight…"_

_"You think you know me."_

See... it was like I was writing the show.

Adam strolled out through the fog wearing the royal blue wrestling trunks from earlier and his signature black trench coat. Of course, he had a microphone in hand and was making his way towards Randy, midway down the ramp. I sighed slightly and leaned my head back just gazing at his form on the screen. I really needed to stop moping and longing for him. He was just a guy after all… well, not just _a_ guy. He was more like _the_ guy.

There was one good thing that came out of last night… well besides finding Jeff was really no worse for wear than when I had seen him last. I spent a lot of my sleepless night thinking about everything that had happened. In October, I wanted nothing to do with this assignment and now in February, I felt the same way. Yet back then, it was because I wanted nothing to do with the company. Now, I was actually becoming used to the WWE and really didn't want to go on with my story.

I had even called Mr. Williams at the airport before the flight to Iowa and pleaded my case. I didn't tell him all of the specifics, but I let him know that I was having second thoughts. He assured me that there was a story somewhere and that I had to find it. He asked if I had gotten to know any of the Divas and get their opinions on the business. I had to honestly tell him that I had not. He was a little taken aback, but luckily didn't ask what I had spent my time on all these months.

Now that the Diva Search and that part of my story were completed, Mr. Williams wanted to know more about the life of a Diva. I really wasn't a fully fledged WWE Diva yet, no matter what it said on the company's website. My life, before yesterday anyway, consisted of only a few things. I spent time traveling with Adam and his friends. I hung out with Jeff whenever I could and supported him when he was in the ring. That was my life, and I didn't know if that was typical. I decided that this personal strife that I was going through might need to be put on the back burner so I could concentrate more on my story. It wasn't going to be easy, but I would have to try.

_"Okay, how do I put this so it's absolutely__ clear," _Adam said as he focused his attention on the five occupants of the ring instead of the Legend Killer standing next to him. "_You see, like the Undertaker, I have never lost at Wrestlemania. So that means that I take precedence over __HBK, over Orton, over everyone."_

Adam gave pointed stares to the two men as he said their names. As I he spoke, there was a lot more animosity than I had seen from him in the past. Sure, he was still his jackass Edge self. But there was something off, and it wasn't just the brightness of his pants. He was focused… almost _too focused_ and seemed a little too cold. He wasn't just being an ass… he was being really hardhearted in everything he said. It wasn't really like him. Usually, I could still see a little bit of Adam's spirit in Edge's eyes.

_"__You see, I don't have to ask pe__rmission for a WWE title match, s__hut up!__" _Adam roared, as his declaration to the crowd flowed into the end of his sentence. Usually, he would usually pause and let the crowd's heat sink in before he berated them. Things were just a little off tonight.

_"__It's my God-given right, my hard-earned right, whether you like it… whether you like it__," _Adam demanded as he regarded both of the other suitors for the title.

He was interrupted from saying anymore as Vince's music played and he strolled out onto the stage. I couldn't take anymore and decided that I would go and see if I couldn't find a Diva to talk to. I actually had a little ambition to get some research done and knew that the people I was trying to avoid were all busy at the moment… even though I really hadn't been that successful with that plan so far. I slipped my pen inside my journal and locked it before returning it to my bag.

"Hey," I said to Nitro as I got up from the bench. "Can you tell Jeff that I'll meet him at the gorilla position right before our match?"

"Sure thing," he said with a smile as he continued to watch the show on the locker room's monitor.

"Good luck in your match tonight," I said as I turned to exit the room.

"Won't really need it considering I'm going to lose," he said with a grin. I just laughed and waved before exiting the room.

I knew that Melina or Maria were the obvious choices to talk to. I had actually spoken to them before and seemed to get along with them pretty well. Melina had a match in a little while, but I knew that Maria had already taped her interview segment for the night. She was usually hanging out in catering or in the wardrobe department. She loved fashion and wanted to design her own ring attire when she became a stable wrestler. Besides that, the only other thing I really knew about her was that she was a Diva Search contestant in 2004. She didn't win, but like Carly and the others from this year, was signed to a developmental contract nonetheless.

After an unsuccessful trip to catering, my second hunch proved correct as I found Maria speaking with Jan in the wardrobe area. I walked in and waved at both of the women.

"Nami, you look so pretty," Maria said as she gave me a hug when I joined both of them.

"Thanks," I said with a smile.

"I see that the make-up is holding up," Jan joked as she peered at my neck with a laugh. I smiled and gave a small chuckle as Maria looked at both of us in confusion.

"Huh? Am I missing something?" she asked.

"It took a good five layers of powder to cover up her lover's mark," Jan said with a grin.

"Oh my God," Maria said with a huge smile. "That's right. It's your anniversary today!"

She pulled me into another hug and I had to stifle my groan. I was trying to keep that fact out of my mind. It hurt too much to think about.

"Really?" Jan asked with a grin. "Who's the lucky fellow?"

"Adam," Maria said with a smile.

"Copeland?" Jan asked, as she probably couldn't believe that the two people she had seen earlier were actually a couple. It sure as hell would surprise me by the way we acted.

"Of course," Maria said. Jan gave me a look and I just shrugged my shoulders. "So, what is he planning for tonight? Or did you two celebrate last night already?"

"It's… a long story," I said with a nervous laugh. All I wanted to do was come and talk about her. But as everything, it always came back to Adam. If that wasn't a big enough sign that I made a mistake, I didn't know what was.

"We have time," Jan said with a smile. I sighed, but didn't know where to begin or if I even wanted to say anything. I tried to collect my thoughts and come up with something to say.

"Hello ladies."

"Dave! I was wondering when you were going to come and visit," Maria said as she ran over and pulled the man into a hug. Three months into my stay in the WWE and I had yet to make the acquaintance of the World Heavyweight Champion. From what I had heard from others, he was a true ladies man and at times had a really horrid temper. He turned to look my way and gave me a charismatic smile.

"I believe we have never met," he said as he walked forward and offered his hand. "Dave Bautista."

"Nami Shepherd," I said as I took his hand in mine. He lifted it to his lips and kissed my hand right above the knuckle. It reminded me of when Randy and I were introduced. I could definitely see the similarities in demeanor between the two men.

"It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance," he said with a devious grin. I just smiled and let my hand drop back to my side. I realized that now might not be the best time to talk to Maria about things so decided to leave. Maybe I would try and find Melina, if only to talk for a few moments before her match.

"Well, I better be going," I said with a smile. "Have to find Jeff and go over the match for tonight."

"We'll talk more later, okay?" Maria asked with a smile. "I want to hear about you and Adam."

"Sure," I murmured softly before making my way out of the area.

I turned and headed toward the Divas' locker room. I still really wasn't comfortable around all of the girls, but it was better than having my personal life picked apart. I made it there and went in to find Melina nowhere in sight. The girls just stopped their conversations and smiled at me, obviously not used to me being in this space.

"I was… just looking for Melina," I said softly.

"I think she went to see John," Mickie said with a smile. "But you can stay here with us if you'd like."

I smiled and joined the other Divas. We spent time just talking about random things, from our families to wrestling and everything in between. It was quite refreshing and I got to know them a lot better. Even though to the world some of them were just something pretty to look at, they all seemed to be pretty down to earth women. But once again, there was nothing really noteworthy that would make for a juicy exposé. It seemed like I definitely had my work cut out for me.

* * *

_"Here is your winner… Jeff Hardy!"_

I slid into the ring as Jeff crawled toward the ropes for help to stand up. It was a back and forth battle between Jeff and the Nature Boy, but he was able to come out on top. Flair was setting him up for the figure four leglock, when Jeff rolled him into an inside cradle for the victory. I came over to my victorious friend and helped him into a vertical position. He was selling a fake leg injury after the match. He smiled at me and the ref came over to raise his hand in victory for the crowd.

He collapsed against the ropes once more and I leaned on his other shoulder in a comforting gesture. He looked over my way and kissed me softly, earning a huge cheer from the crowd. I pulled back and slid his Intercontinental belt onto his shoulder as Jeff acknowledged his fans. We both turned as Ric headed straight for us. Jeff lightly pushed me behind him, as Ric had a determined look in his eyes obviously angry over the loss. Jeff took my hand in his, as I leaned against his back when the two men stared each other down.

Jeff shrugged his shoulders loosely at him and Ric calmed down. I let go of his hand and backed slightly away from him. Ric pulled Jeff into a congratulatory hug. Jeff stepped back and paid his respect by bowing his head and hands in front of him, as many of the fans do in respect for the living legend. Ric just shook his head and turned to me, as I smiled and did a slight curtsy. He gave me a small laugh and a big smile as he headed out of the ring. Jeff spent a few more moments clapping for the crowd.

Once Ric was out of sight, Jeff opened the ropes for me and I stepped through. His leg was still "injured" so he wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we slowly made our way up the ramp.

"Good match," I murmured as the camera cut away from us.

"Yeah," he mused with a small smile.

He leaned over and placed another kiss on my cheek as we made it to the top of the stage. We turned and both waved to the crowd before heading through the curtain and back into the gorilla position. Jeff released his hold over my shoulder and straightened up. No need to play hurt anymore. We walked through the hallway and made small talk, but things were different between us. We were comfortable with each other, but there was some tension. I didn't blame Jeff for what happened with Adam, but it was hard to act like he didn't play a role in it. I just tried to shrug it off, but it wasn't that easy to do.

A lot of things had changed and I would just have to get used to it.

* * *

_Needless to say, I might have to revise my whole thesis for this journal. At the beginning, I wanted nothing more than to go outside of every arena that the WWE was performing at, picket sign in hand. I was one of those people who attest that wrestling is too violent and over sexualized for television, especially when the business has a large child fan base. But things have changed. Sure, wrestling is far from being wholesome entertainment for the whole family, but it is not as amoral as I had once deemed. It is hard to…_

A knock at my hotel room door startled me from my writing. After the show, I checked into my room and decided to spend the whole night writing and rethinking my position on the business. It was funny how the story for awhile had been so personal, but was now turning back to being very professional. But that was all I had left: the professional. My personal life was far from noteworthy, even though I had to touch on what happened a little. It wouldn't have made sense to just stop writing about it altogether.

I got off the bed and headed to the door. I looked through the peep hole and was quite surprised at who I saw. I opened the door with a questioning look on my face.

"Are you sure you have the right room?"

Randy laughed at my comment and tugged me out of my room. I gave him a startled look and tried to catch the door before it closed.

"Randy!" I exclaimed. "I don't have my key!"

"This is a little more important than that," he said as he kept hold of my arm, practically dragging me to the elevator.

"What's this about?" I asked as we waited for the elevator to come. It's not like I had anywhere else to go, since I would need to go to the lobby anyway to get a new key card. "Is everything okay?"

He just shot me a slightly perturbed look as the elevator arrived. We both entered the compartment and he hit the seventh floor button. I sighed and leaned against the wall as I realized that he wasn't in the mood to talk. I had one idea of what this was about and I wasn't looking forward to this. The elevator's doors opened and Randy went to grab my arm once more.

"I can walk myself," I said, slightly annoyed at his behavior. "I don't need your help."

"If that isn't the understatement of the year," Randy muttered softly as he led me down the hallway. We made it to a room and he pulled out a key card. Sliding it through the slot, he opened the door and pulled me inside.

"… just talk! Lack of communication is not going to help matters between you two."

"But this will," Randy said as he answered John's statement by pushing me into the main portion of the room. Adam immediately glared at both of the men before getting up and angrily running his hand through his hair.

"And on that note," John said as he grabbed his jacket.

He gave me a small hug before following Randy out of the room, leaving Adam and I alone. He kept his back to me as he faced the window. I took a deep breath and sat lightly on the end of the closest bed. I sat there and decided that I should wait for Adam to speak. I had made the first move in our conversation earlier, even if it was only to say that I was going to leave. It was his turn.

Yet after a few more moments of silence, I knew that if I didn't speak up, we could be like this all night. And besides, it would be easier to speak to him when I didn't have to look him in the eye. That was always my undoing. I couldn't hide from him when his eyes were staring into my soul.

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "I'm sorry for what I said yesterday and I'm sorry for blowing you off like that. I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know," he said, as he continued to face the opposite direction. I gave a small sigh and decided to continue.

"But I'm not… I'm not sorry for leaving," I said as I tried my best to sound assertive. It wasn't working that well, but I knew that I just needed to get the words out. "I wasn't planning on going to North Carolina, but… when I saw how enraged you were, I knew that I couldn't stay."

"I was more jealous than enraged," Adam said as he quickly spun around to look at me.

We both stared into each other's eyes and tried to find answers to all of our unanswered questions. Yet I knew that I wouldn't find mine there. We would need to talk if we wanted to figure out where to go from here. I think he realized the same thing as he sighed and walked over to sit on the other bed so we could speak face to face.

"You had nothing to be jealous over," I said softly.

"Maybe not… but I was… still am, I guess," he said. "I understand that he is your friend, but there is a fine line between friends and… well _more than friends_."

"I agree, but we never went over that line," I pleaded which earned a slight incredulous look from Adam. "We didn't! And if you are talking about that kiss, it was nothing! I had nothing to do with it and…"

"Shhh," Adam said with a smile as he got up and came over to my side. "Calm down. I know all of that. But that's not what I am talking about."

"Then?" I asked after he didn't continue with his statement.

"You and I are… were… we had… have…" Adam said before groaning in frustration. It seemed that he was just as puzzled about our current situation as I was.

"Have what?" I asked, using the present tense and hoping that he would pick up on my hint.

"We had a commitment to each other," Adam said finally. So much for my hint. "And I just wanted you to see that I was sort of taken aback by how much time you spent with him. I understood that he was important to you, but I wanted to be the most important man in your life."

"I understand," I said as I turned my head away from him. He lightly grasped my chin in his fingers and brought my gaze back to his.

"But… it is my turn to apologize," he said softly as he took my other hand in his. "I'm sorry for being so untrusting and… overbearing. After thinking about it, I realized that it was sort of out of line the way that I treated you and talked to you about your friendship with Jeff. I should have told you how I felt in a different way, not screaming at you saying how I didn't trust his intentions."

"So were both sorry," I said as he ran his fingers lightly along the side of my cheek. "But… where does that exactly leave us?"

"I don't know," Adam answered honestly, after taking a few moments to think it through.

"Well, at least we agree on something," I said with a small smile.

He laughed slightly before pulling me into an embrace. I wrapped my arms tightly around him and never wanted to let go. I took in everything that was Adam Copeland and wanted to commit it to memory. His touch, his smell, the feel of him in my arms… they were all things I would probably have to live without for awhile.

"Maybe… we took things a little too fast," Adam said, as we still clung to each other. "I… I have been in many relationships that have failed, _obviously_, and… I think I just wanted one to work for once, you know? And with you, I could see that happening. I didn't see a chance of getting hurt or it not really working and ending in disaster… like the others before. So I came on really strong and tried my best to make things feel right."

"And it did feel right," I muttered, trying to let him know that I really did care for him.

"So we agree on two things," he said with a laugh as he pulled back to look in my eyes, but not letting go of the hold he had on me. "I'm glad."

"I think we probably agree on more," I said with a smile. "Like how… how we both want to try and rebuild our trust in each other?"

"I think that is a given," he said with a grin.

"I was just checking," I said with a small laugh. "I didn't know exactly where you stood on the whole 'us' issue."

"There is still an 'us' babe," Adam said as he pressed a light kiss to my forehead.

"That being said, I think we should take some time off from… well from a serious relationship," I said with a small smile. "I don't think either of us are ready for the commitment."

"Hey, I am ready," he said with a grin. "But I understand what you are saying. We are both at different places in our life. You are still young and…"

"And you're not?" I interrupted jokingly.

"You're twenty-three Nam," he said. "And… probably not ready for a major commitment like I am. I know that I have fucked up in the past, clearly by the fact that I have two failed marriages in my history. So, I want you to be sure that this is what you want… that _I_ am what you want."

"Same goes for you," I said as I brushed a stray lock of hair from his eyes. "I want you to really think about if you could have a future with me. I know that people say age is only a number, and I believe in it. I just… don't want you to wake up one morning and think that I am too young or immature for…"

"You may be young, but there is no way in hell that you are as immature as me," he said with a wink. "And that would never happen. I don't look at you as being ten years younger than me… except when I think that I might be tying you down too quickly."

"So, I guess that means we're taking a break… for now," I said with a slight frown. Even though I knew it was for the best, it still hurt to actually say good-bye.

"Only for now," Adam murmured as he brought his forehead to mine. "I think you are right. We need time apart… make you realize how much you can't live without me."

It was said as a joke, but I could see truth in the statement. This time apart would give us time to see what we really meant to each other. It would also give me a chance to seriously get some work done on my story and not have to worry about Adam finding out. I didn't know how long this break would last, but I felt like we would know when to end it… _if at all_. Maybe this time would bring us closer together or pull us apart. We would just have to wait and see.

"Well, I guess that means that you won't have to spend so much time in the make-up chair for awhile," he said with a smirk as he brought a hand up and pushed my hair out of the way to look at the mark he had left a few days ago.

"You never know," I said with a dreamy look. "I did meet Dave tonight at the show. He seemed to be pretty ni…"

"If he lays one finger on you, I swear…" he said with a grin as he finished with a laugh. I was only messing with him as I had no intention on seeking romantic companionship elsewhere. I had my story, my friendship with Jeff, and rebuilding a relationship with Adam to consume my time. I didn't need anything else on my plate.

"Don't worry," I said as I pulled out of his embrace and stood up. "He's not my type."

"Oh, so you have a type," Adam mused as he stood as well and looked down at me with a smile.

"Uh-huh," I said with a grin. "Tall… blond… Canadian…"

As the clock struck midnight, signaling the end of our ill-fated anniversary, the two of us were oblivious as we shared a small, lovely kiss.


	34. These Nights When We Were Drinking

_A.N. - Normal Disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. Poem is property of Jeff Hardy. Thanks to all who have read, added, and reviewed. "68 stones from a broken heart", "Inday", "Fozzy-Floozy", "XtremeGirl619", "unlimited emerald0307", and "Farra Sti" - you all earn huge tanki tankis and I appreciate the support. Next few chapters deal with a sort of in between phase of action that delves more into her story. I promise more fluff and real drama is coming up soon. Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

"You're going to be late."

I looked up from my writing and waited for a reply to my statement. Silence. I rolled my eyes before putting my journal down on the bed and going over to the bathroom door.

"I said," I yelled as I knocked on the closed door. "You're… going… to… be…" The door swung open to reveal a fully clothed yet quite perturbed Jeff Hardy. "Late."

"I need to make sure everything's perfect," he said as he looked toward the mirror once more.

"When did you turn all Randy Orton on me?" I asked mockingly as he undid a few more of the braids that I had helped him with. "You look fine."

"I don't want to look just _fine_," Jeff said as he ran his fingers through his now loose hair. "I need to look perfect."

"You do," I said as I turned back to head to the main room. "You look so perfect that if you didn't have a prior engagement, I might've tried to have my way with you."

"Very funny," he said, responding to my sarcastic tone.

I went back over to my bed and flipped through my journal. My story so far was more of a personal journey than anything of the reporting nature. Yet I was trying to change that. The past week, I researched in great depth some of the major issues that have been linked with pro-wrestling.

Of course the first issue was the use of performance enhancing drugs. It was no secret that their usage was quite prevalent all over the sporting environment. Pro-wrestling was just a very easy scapegoat. Yet after the passing of one of the sport's primer Superstars, the company implemented their wellness program. The WWE Talent Wellness Program was initiated about a year ago. Last week, I, along with a few other Superstars, were randomly selected to be tested. Everything about the whole procedure was very proficient.

Two separate evaluations were done by two separate corporations. Neither were in anyway related to the WWE so there would be no bias among the results. I had never had to have a drug test before, but everything seemed to go very smoothly. The cardiac evaluation was something I was quite accustomed with. Since my mother passed away of a genetic heart condition, ever since my teen years I had cardiograms done twice a year. It was like a walk in the park.

The results of both tests would get back to the company next week sometime. If you fail, you are fined and suspended. Third offense and you are likely to be terminated. In my mind, the policy is what all sports need and are starting to implement. After learning a great deal about it and actually having to undergo it myself, I knew that the WWE was getting a bad reputation with no real validation. Even if the Superstars use the drugs, it is not like they are on a competitive sport team in which it could affect the outcome. The company is doing this for the safety and well-being of its employees and should be applauded, not condemned for trying to make things right. Based on all of this, there was really nothing but good things to write on that subject, which was quite surprising. So much for that angle.

Moving away from that aspect of the business, I wanted to delve more into the women in the business. After spending a full day with Danielle's stacks of WWE VCR tapes, I noticed a decreasing emphasis on women in wrestling. Okay, women were still objectified years ago… one only needed to look at one Superstar's 'ho train' to prove that as true. Yet those women were never billed as wrestlers. The company had Chyna, Trish Stratus, Lita, and others, which surprisingly included Vince's own daughter, to slug it out in the ring for the glory.

There were a lot of women managers that also pulled their weight in the ring. Lita would come out and support the Hardys, but still wrestle against Trish the same night. Intergender tag team matches were quite prevalent even though now they hardly exist. After looking into the recent history of what it meant to be a woman in the business, I needed to get a few Divas to talk to. Yet the past few conversations had been nothing more than small talk. It was hard to just come out and ask questions. I didn't want to sound too overbearing and nosy.

And it was not like I would be able to talk with any of them tonight. Melina was with John, Mickie with Kenny, Maria with Phil… Valentine's Day: got to love it.

"Jeff!" I yelled as I looked at the time on the digital clock. "Get your ass out of there! Beth's plane is supposed to land in thirty minutes!"

Yes, it seemed that everyone had a date tonight. Well, except for me of course. Another February 14th that I would spend alone and I couldn't help but think about how different it could have been. Instead of curling up in Adam's arms, I was going to be spending the night with one of literature's greatest romances. That was as soon as I got my best friend out of here and off to see his girlfriend. At least one of us would have a good night.

"Jeff!"

"Alright, alright! God you're worse that Matt with your nagging," he said as he finally emerged and came into my sight.

"Yeah well," I sighed as I stood up. "All I know is that if I flew six hours to spend one night with my boyfriend, I would want him to actually be there when I arrived."

"Too bad your boyfriend is only right down the hallway," Jeff said as he grabbed his coat. "And yet you are both too stubborn to just see each other on what is deemed as the most romantic night of the year."

Adam and I hadn't really spoken since our talk last week. We had bumped into each other at the hotels and backstage a few times, but nothing besides a few awkward greetings were shared. We were just trying to give each other some space, but I couldn't lie and say that it didn't hurt to watch him walk away each time.

"Valentine's Day is just an overly commercial Hallmark holiday," I said with a shrug. It was somewhat true, but deep down, I knew that the day meant more to me than that.

"Uh-huh," he said with a grin, as he knew the truth as well. "You are partially right. Only night of the year when you have to spend eighty bucks for roses."

He pulled out a bouquet from an open bag and I assumed that it would consist of overly expensive yet perfectly picked, blood red roses. He pulled back the tissue paper to reveal a wide array of colorful varying flowers. I had to remind myself that this was Jeff Hardy. He never went for the traditional and did things his own way.

"They're beautiful," I said as I leaned forward and smelled the beautiful bright orange tiger lily sticking out of the middle. He smiled and rewrapped the flowers.

"I better get going," he said with a smile.

"Yes, you better," I said as I pulled him in for a quick embrace. "Have a great time."

"Don't wait up," he said with a wink as he headed for the door.

I smiled and watched him walk out the door. Beth was flying from North Carolina all the way to Seattle to spend the holiday with him. Both Jeff and I traveled with the Smackdown crew to spend some time with Matt. Besides, a few of the Raw Superstars, my estranged boyfriend included, actually wrestled at the taping.

It had been a weird week as Raw was even going to be a taped broadcast. We still filmed it Monday night in Oregon, but it was not airing until tomorrow. Last night, Smackdown was taped, which is normal for the brand, and was going to air on its usual time. Raw was pre-empted on Monday by the Westminster Dog Show. Before and during the show, a lot of us were in catering watching the beginning of it on the monitor. What can I say… there were a lot of animal lovers in the room. It was quite an interesting night and I got to know a lot of the people as more than just a face and name.

Now with Jeff gone, my quiet night alone was set. I decided to take a shower to unwind before curling up with my book for the night. I grabbed some pajamas and flipped the light on in the room. The clothes in my grasp fell to the ground in shock of what I saw. I went over to the counter and stared down at a true Valentine surprise. In a beautiful crystal vase were six pink and six red roses, magnificently arranged and fully in bloom. I ran my finger lightly along a few of the petals as a wide smile broke out on my face.

I was utterly surprised that I hadn't seen it earlier when I came over to nag Jeff about leaving. Yet he had taken awhile to open up the door, this probably being the reason. There was a ribbon tied around the vase that included a small envelope. I pulled the card from the envelope and smiled as I read the note:

_You're beautiful...but strange...So am I.  
__You're smart...but still slow...So am I.  
__You're impatient...but fast...So am I.  
__You're tired...but still last...So do I.  
__You're hot...but still cold...So am I.  
__You're established...but not old...So am I.  
__You're waiting...but happy...So am I.  
__You're leaving...but staying...So am I.  
__You're amazing...but weird...So am I.  
__You're yourself...but still feared...So am I.  
__We both want to be...A forever seen star.  
__I have to say...a lot in common is what we are._

* * *

_"For fear of that, I still will stay with thee  
__And never from this palace of dim night  
__Depart again: here, here will I remain  
__With worms that are thy chamber-maids; O, here  
__Will I set up my everlasting rest__…"_

"Mind if I join you?"

I didn't need to look up from my book to know who was standing before me. I knew that I should've gone back to the room after the fire alarm sounded. But no, I decided to stay in the lobby and read a little more. I should've known that nothing good had ever come from being in this part of the hotel.

"I'll take your silence as a yes."

"I'm surprised that you are even asking," I said as looked up and saw Randy sit in the chair across from mine.

"Didn't want to disrupt you from…" Randy said as he tried to read the title off of the cover of my book. It was overly read and thus the binding, along with the front cover, was in shambles.

"_Romeo and Juliet_," I said, filling in the missing information.

"Good to see I am not the only one who is having a shitty day," Randy mumbled with a small chuckle.

Like Adam, Randy and I hadn't really spoken much since the break-up. Now, I spent my time backstage either with Jeff or Melina. I sort of missed spending time in the guys' locker room, even though I would never tell Randy that. He would never let me forget it.

"_Romeo and Juliet_ happens to be one of the greatest romances ever written in the English language," I attested as I shut the book to give Randy my full attention.

"Hoping to end up like Juliet, Nam?" Randy asked sarcastically. "Cause I doubt Adam will stab himself if you decide to drink yourself to death."

"This has nothing to do with Adam," I said with a groan. "And besides, Juliet is the one who stabs herself. Romeo drinks the poison."

"Sorry," he muttered with smirk. "Haven't even dreamed of picking up Shakespeare since high school so I'm not up on all the details."

"Figured," I said with a small smile.

"Why don't you just get a new copy?" Randy asked as he pulled the tattered text from my grasp to flip through it. "I hope that you have more than five dollars to your name."

"Sentimental reasons," I responded.

It was my mother's copy and thus the only copy that I ever used. It was in really bad condition, but still readable. Even when it becomes illegible, I would still use it. I could pretty much recite the play cover to cover as is. That just showed how many lonely nights I spent tearing through the pages. He just nodded his head and handed the book back to me.

"So is that all you have planned for tonight?" Randy asked. "I would've thought Hardy would be trying to wine and dine you away from Adam."

"For your information, Jeff's girlfriend is flying in to spend time with him," I said. "And I repeat just in case you didn't hear me the first time… _girlfriend_."

"Okay, I'll lay off… for now," he replied with a grin. "So, since _you _don't have plans… and _I_ don't have plans…"

"This sentence better not end with the two of us ending up in the same bed like last time," I said with a small laugh.

"Still can't stop thinking about that huh?" Randy asked as his signature arrogant smirk appeared on his face.

"The feeling of absolute revulsion takes awhile to leave a person," I said which earned a slight chuckle from my companion.

"You sure do know how to flatter a guy," he said. "But seriously… you up for some company or do you want to be left alone with Shakespeare?"

I weighed my options and figured that there really was only one choice. This was the first decision I had to make in awhile that I knew was the right one. Because as much as I didn't want to admit it, I needed the company and losing myself in reading just wasn't the same as it used to be.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked with a smile.

He returned the gesture and got up from his seat. He offered his hand and pulled me to my feet. He looked from me to elsewhere and his expression changed. I went to see what he was looking at but he quickly spun me the other way.

"Let's… let's just get some drinks at the bar," Randy said as he steered me in the direction of the hotel's bar, the opposite way of where he was looking.

"Randy, what's wrong?" I asked as I pushed off of him and spun around.

My mouth dropped open slightly in surprise. Randy walked around so he was standing in front of me, but it was too late. I had already seen what he was trying to make me avoid. Adam was with another woman. I shook my head as I knew that he had every right to be with someone else. We were on a break. That wouldn't make the hurt go away, but I knew something that might help.

"I need a drink."

* * *

"You might want to slow down babe. Adam will kill me if I let anything happen to you."

I set my now empty bottle on the bar and gave Randy a lazy grin. My mind was becoming hazier by the minute and it was hard to concentrate on anything. I tried counting the amount of bottles on the bar, yet after five I lost count. I really wasn't a big drinker so I didn't know my limit. Yet by the way that I was feeling, I knew that I had probably surpassed it.

"He wouldn't hurt yous Randy," I said with a laugh as I patted Randy on the knee. "He's jus a big… a big softie… wouldn't hurt you."

I trailed off and began to laugh anew. I had no clue what was funny or why I was laughing, but I couldn't stop. I blearily looked at the clock behind the bar. It was almost midnight. At least Valentine's Day was almost over. Randy and I had spent almost three hours talking and drinking… and drinking some more. I knew that we had both drank a lot, but he was still somewhat sober. I on the other hand could barley think straight let alone act in a clear-headed manner.

"Easy for you to say," Randy said as he leaned in closer to me. "He's in love with you. He just tolerates me."

"Not true," I said in a sing-song voice as he leaned his head against mine. "Yous his friend."

"Probably not after tonight," Randy said with a laugh. I gave him a puzzled look, but soon felt the need to laugh once more. "_Definitely_ not after tonight."

"Yous over… over…" I said as I tried to search for the word.

"Overreacting?" he asked.

"Yeah… that," I mused as I fell against him and snuggled into his chest. "You're strong."

"Thanks," Randy mumbled with a laugh as he pulled away and tried to sit me back up on my stool. I was about to reply when I totally lost track of what I was about to say. I tried to remember but nothing was coming to me.

"Nami, I need to talk to you."

I groggily spun around on the stool and watched as a disheveled Melina came into the bar. She hopped up on the empty stool to my right. I could tell that she had been crying and I gave a small pout. I really didn't know how much help I would be for her, but at least I could share in her pain.

"Yous seem sad," I said as I pulled her into a hug.

"Yeah," Melina said as she pulled back and looked over my shoulder to Randy. "And you are so dead."

"She wasn't supposed to drink _that _much," Randy said as I picked up my empty bottle and stared inside. I really wanted another drink. That seemed to be the only thing I could keep my mind on.

"Nam, I think… you should put the bottle down," Melina said as she took it from my hand and replaced it on the bar. "And step away from Randy before things get any worse."

"Nothing's wrong," I said with a smile. "'Cept I needs another drink… Bartender!"

"Oh no, you don't," Melina said as she pushed my raised arm back down. "You need some water… or coffee."

"Or beer," I said with a laugh as the bartender came over. I grasped the empty bottle and smiled at him. "I'll have another."

"No, she won't," Randy said as he paid the tab and helped me to my feet. "Mel is right. We need to get you out of here."

Randy adjusted my weight and threw my arm over his shoulder. I stumbled to walk a little and laughed it off. I saw Melina grab my book and slide it in her purse. I smiled and continued to stumble my way out of the bar.

"What we doing now?" I asked Randy with a grin as I stumbled into the lobby.

"Getting you to bed," he answered.

"Yous would have to get me a lot more drunk sexy," I said with a grin as I lightly kissed him on the cheek.

"No, he wouldn't," Melina said with a sigh. "He's done a fine job of it already."

"I didn't mean for it to happen," Randy said as he lightly pushed me into a chair in the lobby. "We were talking and then had something to drink, and then another…"

"And another and another," I said with another laugh.

"And I thought I had problems," Melina said as she sat on the armrest of my chair. I put my head on her lap and took her hand in mine.

"Tell me what's wrong," I said.

"I'll tell you when you are sober enough to remember," she said with a sigh. "I need you to actually listen to me."

"I'll listen," Randy said with a grin. He didn't seem to be that affected by all of the drinking. Yet then again, I really didn't know how much he actually drank.

"I'm sure you would," she replied.

"You can trust Randy," I said with a smile. "I'se trust him. I'se trust him so much that I'm gonna tell him a secret... a secret not even Jeffy and Adam know. Can yous keep a secret Randy?"

"Don't take a step closer Orton," Melina said strictly. I couldn't understand why she didn't want me to tell Randy. He had been so kind to me that I felt like I owed it to him to be truthful about everything… and I mean _everything_. It was definitely the alcohol talking.

"Oh come on," I said with a pout. "Randy's been a good boy. He deserves a reward."

"Yeah, Mel," he replied with a smirk. "I deserve my reward."

"Randy, just drop it," Melina said seriously. "She is drunk. You can't take advantage of her like that."

"He's not taking advantage," I said with a laugh. "He's my friend and I want him to know the truth… that I'm really not a… Jeffy!"

I didn't finish my statement as Jeff walked dejectedly through the door. I pushed myself from the seat and tried to make my way over there, but only stumbled in the process. I burst out in laughter and Randy helped me up. It took me awhile to remember why I had even gotten up. But when a slightly angered Jeff Hardy came to stand in front of me, my memory was jogged.

"Why are yous here?" I asked with a small pout. "Where's Beth? What happened to your Valentine's Day surprise? And why do yous still have her flowers?"

"First things first darlin'," Jeff said with a small smile as he dropped the bouquet on my abandoned seat. He turned to Randy as I put my arm on his shoulder to hold me up. "I take it you had something to do with this."

"I didn't force the liquor down her throat," Randy said as he rolled his eyes in apathy. He was sick of being blamed for my own actions. I really couldn't blame him there.

"That's true," I mumbled as I leaned my head against Jeff's arm.

"Fine, but I am sure you didn't stop her," he said to Randy in an accusatory tone.

"Hey man," Randy said as he becoming quite angered. "Lay off. She was the one who wanted a drink. I just supervised. Besides, I did better than you who just left her to read crappy Shakespeare all night."

"Hey!" I interjected before Jeff could say anything. "Shakespeare is not crappy!"

"Thanks for defending me babe," Randy said dully.

"Anytime," I said with a smile, as I really couldn't understand what he meant by his comment.

I turned and saw that Melina was still with us. She looked even more upset than she did when I first saw her. So much for Valentine's Day being the most romantic day of the year. There four people right here who could attest differently. I pushed off of Jeff's arm as the two men continued to bicker and stumbled to Melina's side. I pulled her into an embrace and she quickly wrapped her arms around me.

"I fucked up Nam," she whispered softly. "It wasn't supposed to end this way."

"What ended?" I asked, confused at what could have her so upset.

"John and I," she answered softly. "I was so stupid."

"I'se sorry," I murmured as she clung to me.

"And what is worse is that he is my best friend," she said, sorrow coming through her tone. "I don't know who to talk to. He would be the one I would normally run to. But… he is the reason for all the pain."

"Did he do something to you?" I asked, as I couldn't imagine why the two of them would split. They seemed so happy and perfect for each other.

"No," she said as she pulled away. "It was what I did."

Melina cell phone began to ring and she slowly pulled it from her bag. I could tell she knew who it was and was debating whether to answer it or not.

"I better take this," she said softly. "Will you be okay?"

"I'se fine," I said with a small smile. "You get some sleep and we'll talk more tomorrow."

"I'd like that," she said with a smile before answering the call and leaving the area.

I sighed and turned back to the two men. They were still going at it and I was happy that I hadn't heard the bulk of their conversation. I was already beginning to get a headache.

"Jeffy, I think I need to lie down," I said as flopped down into the chair, forgetting that the flowers were still in the seat. I groaned and jumped back up. "I'se ruined them."

"This night was ruined long before that," Jeff said with a small laugh as he picked up the once vibrant flowers and chucked them in the nearest trash bin.

"You need some help getting her upstairs?" Randy asked.

"I think you've done enough," Jeff said as he threw my arm over his shoulder. "Say good night to Randy, Meemz."

"Night," I said as I pulled out of Jeff's loose grasp to give Randy a light peck on the lips. "I'll give you your reward tomorrow… just remind me."

"Sure babe," he said with a smile. "Get some sleep."

Jeff guided me away from him and over to the elevator. I was trying my best to concentrate on making it there without falling on my face. It was no easy accomplishment, but I did it and waited for the elevator to arrive while leaning on Jeff's shoulder.

"What happened with Beth?" I asked, as I suddenly remembered that Jeff wasn't supposed to be back until morning.

"Plane got rerouted to Chicago midflight because of the weather," Jeff said with a sigh.

Leave it to the rainy city of Seattle to ruin a night. I should know. When the fire alarm went off, everyone was asked to leave the building. It's not fun standing out in your pajamas in the rain for twenty minutes… cold rain at that. This whole night was just a big blur and I couldn't wait to sleep it off. Thinking of going back to the room for sleep brought a smile to my face as I remembered my earlier discovery.

"Thanks for the Valentine Jeffy," I said with a smile as I turned to look at him. "I'se just sorry I didn't get yous anything."

"Just being yourself is enough present for me," he said with a smile.

I leaned up and gave him a quick kiss as the elevator chimed, signaling its arrival. He helped me into the compartment and hit the fifteenth floor button. I took his hand in mine and leaned against his arm once more. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on not falling asleep. It seemed like all of my energy was just draining out of me and I could barely keep my eyes open. The elevator came to a halt and I smiled.

"Yay," I said with a laugh as I stumbled to the open doors. "I can go to sleep now."

"Not our floor Meemz," Jeff said as he tried to grasp my hand. Yet I stumbled forward and on top of the newcomer.

"Sorry 'bout that," I said with a laugh before backing up to look in the eyes of the person I trampled over. He didn't look very happy. I smiled and pulled him into a hug. "I'se said I was sorry baby. Yous believe me right?"

"She's loaded. What happened to her?" Adam asked as he pulled me closer to him, joining the two of us in the elevator.

"Ask Randy," Jeff said, as I buried my head in Adam's chest.

I smiled because I had gotten my Valentine's wish: to be in Adam's arm. I breathed in everything and sighed contently. For the first time tonight, I felt content. The elevator dinged once more, but I didn't move. I was enjoying my time in Adam's arms too much.

"Come on Nam," Adam said as he effortlessly picked me up into his arms. "You need some rest."

I nodded with a big grin and laid my head on his shoulder. Jeff led the way down the hallway and I began to feel the first wave of unconsciousness hit me. I felt totally safe and comfortable in Adam's arms. It was an amazing feeling that I didn't want to end. I groggily thought about the whole night and remembered that I had seen Adam earlier.

"Where's blondie?" I muttered flatly, which halted Adam.

"She's just a friend," he said casually as he looked down into my eyes.

"Uh-huh," I said as I rolled my eyes. He brought his forehead down to mine and stared directly into my soul.

"I'm just waiting for you to come to your senses," Adam said. "You're the only one for me Nam."

"Try telling her it when she'll actually remember," Jeff said.

I turned to look at Jeff, confused at what he meant. Adam scoffed at him and started to walk once more. I tried to remember what Adam and I were talking about, yet couldn't really put my finger on all of the details. I just remember something about coming to one's senses, didn't know in what context though.

We made it to the room with no more discussion. Jeff went in first and quickly pulled the sheets and blanket away from my bed so Adam could lay me down. My head hit the pillow and I immediately closed my eyes. It felt so good and relaxing. The only thing on my mind was sleep.

"Tell her to call me when she wakes," I heard Adam say as I got myself situated on the bed. I felt the top sheet and blanket be pulled and over my body. "Night baby."

I muttered a response and felt a light kiss be pressed to my cheek. I smiled, but kept my eyes closed and tried to get my body to fully relax. My world was black, yet I still felt like I was spinning in circles. My headache was getting progressively worse. I just wanted to sleep, but the pain was too much.

"Head hurts," I muttered, still keeping my eyes shut.

"You have any aspirin?" I heard Adam ask.

"Yeah," Jeff replied. I heard some shuffling around and groggily opened my eyes. Jeff was going through his bag and Adam came over to stand by the bed.

"Water?" I asked, as my mouth felt as arid as the Sahara at the moment.

I didn't get my last beer like I had wanted at the bar. I was still parched. Adam nodded and headed off to the bathroom to get the complementary bottled water that was stored there. Jeff came over and put two pills in my hand.

"Thanks," I muttered.

We both stayed silent as we waited for Adam. He seemed to be taking quite awhile to get a bottle of water. It was just sitting on the counter. What was so hard about that? He emerged a few moments later, water bottle in hand. But that wasn't all I noticed. His demeanor was different. I was too out of it to sort through what could have made him that way. I accepted the bottle and quickly popped the pills in my mouth. I doubted they would help much, but needed something. My giddiness had died down and left me in pain and drowsiness. Adam left without another word. I frowned at his sudden and cold departure, but knew that I could talk to him about it in the morning.

"Night Jeff," I said as I put the bottle down on the end table.

"Happy to see that you out of your drunk phase," he said with a laugh as he gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Too tired to be peppy," I said as I closed my eyes with a smile.

"Night darlin'. Sweet dreams."


	35. If I Hurt You, Then I'm Sorry

_A.N. - Normal Disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. Thanks to everyone who has read, added, and reviewed. My reviewers keep me going and I thank you all. "unlimited emerald0307", "Inday", "alana2awesome", "Hatter-Zombie", "68 stones from a broken heart", "XtremeGirl619", "Fozzy-Floozy", and "Farra Sti" - thank you so much for reviewing the last chapter. :-) This chapter contains dialogue from the 2/15/07 Raw broadcast. Lyrics belong to Evanescence. This chapter is pretty dialogue heavy, but I wanted to have a morning after chapter to tie up some things that started the night before. Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

"You look like hell."

"Thanks… feel like it too. Remind me never to drink that much again."

Melina sat down on my bed and nodded in response. I could see that I wasn't the only one that was having shitty morning. I knew that I had seen her last night, but everything was a blur. I remember everything that led up to talking with Randy about his family while sitting at the bar. After that, I remember Jeff saying good night. Everything in between was hazy. I could remember some things, but not much of what was said. I just hoped that nothing incriminating came out.

"So, about last night," Melina started as she turned to look at me. "Do you remember much… like what we talked about?"

"I remember seeing you, but not much of what was said," I said with a sheepish smile. "Actually, I don't remember _anything_ I said. I hope I didn't make an ass of myself."

"You were more peppy than ass-like," Melina said with a small chuckle. "You were about to tell Orton a secret though, something you said not even Adam or Jeff knew. Luckily, you were interrupted."

"Thank God," I said hastily. I really couldn't remember what I was going to tell him, but I could make a pretty good assumption. I'm sure it most likely had to do with my real occupation, as that was really the only secret I was hiding from everyone.

"Yeah," Melina said softly as she turned away from me.

There was something that was really bothering her. I glanced at the clock and saw that I still had an hour before I had to head to the airport. The two of us were alone as Jeff was at breakfast with his brother. I didn't accompany him because I couldn't even think of food at the moment. I really just wanted to go back to sleep, but knew I couldn't. Not only did I have a flight in a few hours, I wanted to be there for Melina. I was finally getting the courage to talk with the Divas and didn't want to blow it. Besides, she seemed like a genuine friend.

"So, now that I can actually put a sentence together without forgetting why I'm even speaking, tell me what's bothering you," I said with a small smile.

"John broke up with me last night," she said bluntly, as she turned her gaze back to mine.

"What?" I asked, totally stunned by her confession. They were always together backstage and seemed to go perfectly together. I couldn't believe that he would just break up with her and on Valentine's Day no less.

"It's all my fault," she said, as she tried to keep herself together. "I had it coming for a long time… I just… I never wanted it to end that way."

"What happened?" I asked in concern for her.

"John and I are very close… always have been," she explained. I stayed quiet and let her get everything out, knowing that it would probably help her calm down. "We met when we both tried out for Tough Enough. He made it through… ended up winning the damn thing. We stayed in touch and became very close very quickly. Next thing we knew, we were dating and both in the WWE."

She paused for a moment yet I refrained from speaking. This was her time to talk and my time to listen. She didn't need me passing judgments and making comments when she was bearing her heart and soul to me.

"Our relationship began to get deeper and deeper," she said with a small smile. "I thought that we would probably spend the rest of our lives together. But then… then I met Dave. We clicked instantly… only as friends of course. I had John and he was still married… but there was always a buried attraction. We tried to fight it, but… we could only fight it for so long."

"How long?" I asked softly.

"Shortly after he and his wife got divorced," she said honestly. "John and I were on a little bit of a break… sort of like you and Adam. But during that time, Dave and I grew closer and closer. When I decided to end things and go back to John, it just wasn't the same. I loved him and still do now… but I wasn't _in love_ with him anymore. It got harder and harder to deny my feelings for Dave."

She took a deep breath and rose from the bed. She paced slightly and collected her thoughts. She was revealing a lot of personal information to someone she didn't know all that well. But it was obvious that she couldn't go to her best friend and talk about it. I was touched that she was coming to me instead of any of the other Divas. We had grown closer over the past few weeks, but it was still somewhat odd that she would choose to speak with me.

"I talked with John about Dave… told him everything," Melina said as she stood, slightly fidgeting. "Both Dave and I felt guilty enough when we were just friends. Yet we had far surpassed those boundaries. It's hard keeping secrets from the locker room… it's like one, big, happy family that needs to know _everything _about each other. So I knew that I wanted John to hear it from me and not some random wrestler. We tried working through things, but it never got back to the way it used to be. And after last night… things are definitely over."

Melina spent the next twenty minutes recounting everything that had happened over the past few weeks. She and John were drifting apart and having Dave on the Raw broadcasts for the past few weeks was difficult. They tried to hide the fact that they still cared for each other deeply, but it eventually had to surface. Yesterday, John saw the two of them sharing a romantic kiss and knew what Melina had been trying to hide for awhile: she was in love with Dave Bautista. She tried to talk to John… tried to communicate with her best friend that was still deep inside of him. But there were too many fresh hurt feelings.

"I don't know what to do," Melina said as she came back to sit right next to me.

"Well," I started as I tried to figure out what to tell her. "I know that it hurts right now… but it seems that in your heart, you knew where you wanted to be all along. It didn't come out in the best way, but matters of the heart are never the simplest to understand. You can just take a look at my relationship to see proof of that."

"That was sort of the reason I came to you," she confessed, flashing a very small smile. "I know that we haven't known each other for very long, but you seemed to be the best person to go to. I'm sorry if I seem to be coming on way too strong or…"

"No, not at all," I said, cutting off her statement. "I'm actually touched that you came to me… especially after last night."

"You had no control over your disposition last night," she said with a small chuckle. "Okay, maybe you did, but everybody gets totally wasted once in awhile." I was happy to see her laugh and smile, even though I knew the emotional turmoil that was still swirling inside of her.

"Well getting back to the reason you're here, I would suggest giving John a little time to cool off," I offered with a smile. "I know that you are going to be managing MNM this weekend, but until then I would let him be. That being said, on Sunday I would talk to him before the show. Reason with John, your best friend, not John, your ex-boyfriend. You don't want to lose that."

"Sounds like you are speaking from experience," Melina said softly. Only a few people knew the real reason of my and Adam's break. Adam told John, Randy, and Jay and I told Jeff, Matt, Shannon, and Shane. All of the rest knew that we had spilt, yet the reason stayed hidden.

"It's sort of the reason Adam and I are going through a little split in our own relationship," I said with a sheepish grin. "I chose to help Jeff instead of stay with Adam one night. Adam and I blew up at each other and decided that it would be best if we stepped back from our relationship for awhile."

"I guess the only difference here is that my best friend also happens to be my ex," Melina offered.

"Yeah… that sucks," I said bluntly. "But I've seen you two together… he's not going to want to lose his best friend. It might take some time, but you both will work through this."

"I know," she said with a sigh. "I just… needed to hear it from someone else." We both smiled and were about to continue our discussion when we heard the door open.

"Hey Mel, didn't expect to see you here," Jeff said as he came into view.

"I just came to talk with Nam," she said honestly as she stood up once more. "Oh… and I wanted to return this to you." She pulled my Shakespeare book from her bag and handed it to me.

"Thanks," I said with a small smile.

"I'm going to go," she said, pulling her cell from her bag. "Can I call you sometime… maybe talk a little more?"

"Of course," I said as I reached over and accepted the cell phone. I imputed my number and handed it back to her. "Call anytime you need."

"Thanks," she said. "I'll see you two later."

"You seem to be in better spirits than when I left you," Jeff said as he handed me a bottle of apple juice. "I figured you needed something."

"Thanks," I said with a smile, as I opened the bottle of my favorite juice and took a swig. "I better get ready to go to the airport."

"You should stay," Jeff said with a smile. "I know that you aren't managing at No Way Out, even though I am not exactly sure why, but you should still come."

"I need some time away," I said honestly. "Besides, my dad has a homecoming party planned for tonight. A bunch of family members and a few of my friends are coming to his house to watch Raw and I am going to be the surprise guest of honor."

"Sounds fun," he responded.

"You can take my spot," I said mockingly as I got up and began to haphazardly throw things in my suitcase. "I am looking forward to seeing everyone, but I really don't like the idea of watching myself on television in front of them."

"You looked great out there on Monday," Jeff said with a grin.

"Yes and you so kicked Chris Masters ass," I said with a small laugh. "At least I was on the winning side."

"Stick with me and you will always be on the winning side," he said jokingly.

"I guess everything will be okay," I said with a sigh as I zipped up my luggage. "It's just that… none of them know about my split from Adam. He's even met all of them and now, we…"

"Fuck! I forgot," Jeff said hastily. "He asked me last night to tell you to call him when you woke."

"Oh," I said. "I saw him last night? I mean, I know that I saw him. It was one of the reasons I wanted some alcohol in my system, but I actually talked with him?"

"You really don't remember much about last night, do you?" he asked with a laugh. "Adam helped me get you into bed."

"I was really that far gone?" I asked as I grabbed my phone off of the end table.

"Yeah Meemz, you were," Jeff said. "Don't drink so much next time… especially around Randy."

"He wouldn't have done anything," I said. "But I don't plan on getting drunk like that in the near future. I would like to remember my time here before it's over."

"That won't be for a while," Jeff said. "I can see a long career ahead of you." I just smiled slightly and was happy that he didn't really question me on my statement. If it was Randy, I would have had to find a quick excuse for my quip. Jeff just let it roll of his shoulder.

"I better call Adam," I said as my finger hovered over the 'call' button.

"I'll give you some privacy," Jeff said. "Meet me in the lobby in twenty minutes and I'll drive you to the airport."

"Okay," I said. "Thanks Jeff."

The door opened and shut once more and I was left alone to talk with Adam. I tried my hardest before dialing to remember what happened between Adam and I last night. I remember seeing him with a blonde woman and then going to drink with Randy. But that is all I remembered about Adam. I dialed the number and placed the phone to my ear. It went right to his voicemail. I looked back over at the clock and knew that he should've been up. I didn't want to leave a message as they always came across horrid. I never knew what to say. Yet the beep came before I could hang up the phone.

"Hey Adam. Jeff told me that you wanted me to call you in the morning so… yeah, that's what I'm doing. I hope that I didn't do or say anything last night that upset you… don't really remember much. And please, don't blame Randy. It wasn't his fault. Well… I guess that I will talk to you later… bye."

* * *

"So, are you sure that you are holding up okay?"

"I'm fine dad. Everything is… just fine."

The party was in full swing. Most of the guests had assumed that I was going to be there, as why else would there be a party to watch wrestling? My family wasn't a big WWE watching family until I joined the company. Yet they all now watched to see me, even if they didn't understand the reason I was even there. My father was surprising me as no one had found out about my real intentions for being in the WWE. I figured that he would have spilled the secret a long time ago. I kept telling myself that if he could do it, I could.

"How are things with Adam?" he asked as the two of us stole some alone time on the back porch. "You haven't really spoken of him all night."

"Maybe that's because I am avoiding that subject," I said with a laugh. He gave me a questioning glance and I sighed. "We are taking a little break. I need to try and sort a few things out before I can fully commit to him."

"Like how he will react when he finds out the truth?" my father offered.

"Actually, that really isn't one of the things I have been pondering," I said. "But I guess I can add that to the list. It's more about me and my friendship with Jeff. I need to learn to put Adam first before I can commit to him. He's giving me my space and the time I need, but I know that he won't wait around forever."

"It takes a big man to do that," he said approvingly. "I hope you realize what you are doing. I don't want to see either of you end up with broken hearts."

"Neither do I," I responded. "But I don't want to give up on him, just because I am scared of what will be. I just have to live in…"

_"Holding my last breath,  
__Safe inside myself…"_

"I better get this," I told my father with a small smile. Adam had yet to return my phone call and I figured Jay knew the reason why.

"Alright," my father said with a smile. "But don't be too long. Just because Jeff's match is over doesn't mean that you can just skip out of the party."

I laughed at his joking statement and gave him a small hug before he turned and went back inside the house. I took a deep breath and flipped the phone open.

"Hey sexy," I said with a smile, as I leaned on the railing leading to my father's backyard.

"Hey, hope I'm not interrupting anything?" Jay asked. He didn't sound like his usually overly playful self and I slightly frowned.

"Nope," I said softly. "I've already seen Raw in person so watching in on the television is just over kill."

"Oh," he said in the same discomforting tone.

"I take it that you aren't calling just to talk," I said bluntly.

"Always the perceptive one," Jay commented with a small laugh. "Yeah, I'm calling to talk about… you know."

"Adam," I said with a groan.

"I know, I know, you are probably blue in the face from how many times you've had to discuss things," he said with another laugh.

"Did you talk to him today?" I asked.

"Yeah, just got off with him," he responded.

"Did he tell you why he is avoiding me?" I asked.

"Well…" Jay said before drifting off into silence. I knew that he was deciding whether to actually talk to me, or just give a bullshit answer. I hoped that for the sanctity of our own friendship, he decided to be honest. It wasn't like it would be going against his friendship with Adam. I just really wanted and deserved to know.

"Well?" I asked, after he hadn't responded for a few moments.

"Is there something going on between you and Jeff?" he asked after a few more moments of silence. Talk about being blue in the face about speaking on a certain subject.

"Besides a real deep friendship and having to act as an on-screen couple: no," I said honestly. "Adam knows that. I told him as much the last time we spoke."

"Yeah, I know… well, _he knows_," Jay said. "But… he saw something last night."

"Me being drunk? That had nothing to do with Jeff," I said in a frustrated tone.

"No, not that," he replied. "Even though I wish that I could have seen that. Adam saw Jeff's valentine to you, or what he figured was from Jeff."

"How does he know about that?" I asked, more to myself than to Jay.

"He saw the flowers and poem in your bathroom when he went to get you water. Or at least that is what he told me," Jay said honestly. I was happy that Jay felt like he could actually talk to me, instead of giving me half-truths. Yet I was slightly taken aback at Adam's actions. He read Jeff's poem?

"So he thinks that Jeff and I are together?" I asked. "It wasn't even a love poem… well not exactly. It was just talking about how we have a lot in common, but so much more beautifully than I could ever describe."

"To Adam, it looked like a lot more," he said. "I mean, come on. Jeff bought you roses on Valentine's Day. Wrote you a love poem… on Valentine's Day. And was sharing a room with you…"

"On Valentine's Day," I said flatly before he could. "I get it. But we are not dating. He is in a relationship of his own. And I am trying to work through my feelings for Adam so I can honestly commit to being with him."

"Maybe you should tell him that," Jay said.

"I didn't even know that he saw the roses," I said as my cousin came out on the porch. "I tried calling him and was not going to leave a sappy voicemail. It is bad enough that I cannot leave a normal message to begin with."

"Your boyfriend is probably going to be on soon," Nick said with a grin. I guess he was the one chosen to come and bring me back to the party. I sighed, but knew that my conversation with Jay was almost over anyway.

"Jay, I have to go," I said as I followed Nick back inside.

"What are you going to do about Adam?" he asked.

"I'm going to call him later," I said. "Don't know if he will pick up this time."

"He will," Jay said. "Trust me; he wants to talk to you."

"Then why doesn't he call me instead of getting his best friend to do the dirty work?" I asked as I retook my seat on the couch in between my father and Danielle.

"I called not just for his sake, Nam," he said with a small laugh. "I care about you as well."

"I know," I said. "I'll call him later."

"Thanks babe," he said. "Don't be a stranger."

"I don't plan on it," I said with a laugh as I saw Adam and Randy come on the screen. "Ciao."

"Perfect timing," Danielle said happily. "You must have Edge radar or something."

_"Mr. Kennedy, MVP… so Edge and I have been looking all over for you…"_

_"__Well, you're__ lucky you found us,__"_MVP said, interrupting Randy from speaking.

I had already seen this little segment backstage at the show. But it was totally different when watching it with the family. It was odd that my personal world and professional world were colliding. I knew the people on and off the screen and unless you had actually lived it, it was impossible to describe.

_"Well we did. We wanted __to deliver a little message," _Randy said, as Adam patted Mr. Kennedy on the back with his usual Edge grin on his face. "_We want to welcome you to Raw. We want to welcome you guys… to the 'A' show."_

_"Hold on a second man. The 'A' show…"_MVP began, as both Smackdown Superstars looked at Rated RKO with sarcastic glances.

_"That's right,__"_ Randy answered with his normal smirk.

"Why did they cut Adam out of the picture?" Danielle squealed.

"I thought you were over your crush on him," I posed with a laugh.

"Yeah, well… some things take awhile to die," she said with a grin.

_"Is whatever show __Montel __Vontavi__ous__ Porter chooses to appear on,__"_ MVP continued, which caused Randy to look slightly confused. That didn't take much.

_"And is that necessary? __For y__ou to be so condescending?"_Mr. Kennedy asked Randy, causing both members of Rated RKO to give him questioning glances. "_Who do you think you are? Huh?"_

_"Hang on guys… __wait__, wait, hold on a second…"_ Adam interrupted, trying to get peace among his teammates for the night.

"Speaking of Adam, how are things with you two?" my Aunt Emily asked with a smile.

"Things are…" I started while turning to look at my father. He just shrugged and I figured to just say the first thing that came to my mind. "Things are fine. Everything's going great."

Yeah, _so great_ that we are hardly speaking to each other.

_"That's what I want to know,__"_ Mr. Kennedy said, still addressing Randy.

_"Decaf, list__en to me for a second now… wait," _Adam told Mr. Kennedy as he continued to try and provoke Randy._"__Settle down. See tonight because unfortunately our match is a match between __the have and the have __nots__."_

"I love to hear him speak," Danielle said with a dreamy look on her face. I knew that I would never be able to watch wrestling with my friends like we used to. Everything was just too awkward now that I actually knew the people that they would be drooling over. Especially now when it was my boyfriend. I inwardly groaned as I continued to watch Adam talk.

_"__Yeah, because Undertaker, Batista, Cena, Mi__chaels… they have what we want," _Adam said, continuing with his motivational speech. "_What we__ all came this close to __having.__"_

"You should be part of Rated RKO," my cousin Drew said with a laugh. "Take over in Lita's absence."

"I really don't want to end my career like Amy did," I said as I remembered her last match. "Besides, I am happy where I am now. And Rated RKO is heading for a spilt, if you couldn't tell from all the tension between the two."

"Are they really like that backstage?" he asked.

"No, they're close friends... and not as egotistical. Well, Adam isn't anyway," I murmured as I turned back to watch the screen.

_"__So__ tonight, we've got one option," _Adam continued, sounding more and more like a general getting ready to lead his troop into battle. "_We go out and we prove to the world that we should be main __eventing__ Wrestlemania. And along the way, maybe the Undertaker could get smashed upside the head with a microphone. And maybe __Batista,__ could reinjure those triceps. And maybe Cena and Michaels could receive multiple conchair__tos and not be able to perform."_

"Orton looks possessed," Nick said with a laugh and I had to agree. When Adam mentioned the proposition of executing conchairtos, Randy's eyes seemingly glazed over and his smirk became more predatory.

_Because if there is one thing I know, regar__dless of what it says on paper," _Adam said, as his speech wound down. "_B__etween now and Wrestlemania, anything can happen."_

All of the men agreed with Adam's speech and the channel went to a commercial. Conversations sprung up around the group, most dealing with my relationship with Adam. I tried to answer them as truthfully as possible, but I didn't want anyone to know about the spilt. In my mind, it wasn't going to be permanent. And I didn't want any of them to think poorly of Adam. We might have been trying to work on trust issues, but I didn't need my family to lose any of their positive feelings toward him.

"So when are we going to be seeing Mr. Copeland next?" my Aunt Roberta asked with a smile.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

"Hey. I was hoping you would call."

"You do know that a phone works two ways, right?"

Adam laughed into the phone and I smiled. After a long night of trying to avoid the topic of Adam, I was happy to actually be able to talk to the man. He made everything seem like it work out, even if I didn't believe it myself. It just killed me that he was still having so many doubts about my intentions.

"I know," he answered. "And I am sorry about not returning your call. I was just frustrated… and confused."

"I heard," I said.

"Jay talked to you," he stated flatly. At least I knew that Jay didn't turn around and call Adam right back. It put a small smile on my face knowing that I still had his trust.

"Uh-huh," I mused as I pulled a picture frame off of my end table.

It was a picture of the two of us from Thanksgiving. I traced the outline of Adam's face and thought of better times. Times when we actually could consider each other as significant others. In my mind, I still did, but I wasn't exactly sure where Adam stood, especially after seeing him with someone else.

"I told him not to call," he admitted with a sigh.

"Well, I'm glad he did," I said honestly as I continued to stare at the picture. "At least I know why you avoided my call this morning."

"I didn't avoid per se," he said with a laugh. "More like shamelessly decided to pretend not to hear it."

"Another way of saying _avoiding_," I responded with a laugh of my own. "So before we get into discussing the reason for said avoidance, I want to apologize for anything I said or did last night while I was a little inebriated."

"You were more than just a _little inebriated_ babe," Adam said with a laugh. "Besides, you didn't say anything that you should regret. Actually, I found you pretty fucking adorable, especially since you had no qualms about being around me. Felt nice."

"Too bad I don't remember any of it," I said honestly as I laid the picture back down on the end table. "I don't even remember seeing you except before I started drinking."

"Yeah, about that," he started with a sheepish laugh. "What you saw, between me and Lauren, was nothing. She's just an old acquaintance that I met up with after the Smackdown taping. We were both free and decided to go out for dinner…"

"On Valentine's Day," I finished flatly, which reminded me of my conversation with Jay earlier.

"Without you by my side, it was just like any other boring night alone," Adam said.

"What did I say about being overly charming," I said with a laugh. "Speaking of which, I just spent the whole night having to hear about how wonderful you are."

"Huh?" Adam asked with a confused laugh.

"I was at my father's house earlier," I said. "He threw a semi-homecoming party for me and invited almost everyone that you met at Thanksgiving. God, you _certainly _made a good impression on them."

"Happy to hear that," he answered, contentment radiating in his tone. "So… what did you tell them? You know, about us?"

"Well, I used my own system of avoidance," I said with a laugh. "Not shamelessly pretending not to hear them… just giving little half-truths to get me through the night."

"So, they think we are still together?" he asked.

"Yeah, I hope that doesn't bug you or anything," I said, even though I honestly hoped that I already knew the answer.

"No, not at all," he said with a laugh. "I am… glad that you still think of me in that way, even if it is only in front of your family."

"But it's not Adam," I said pleadingly into the phone. I sat up on my bed and tried to formulate my next sentence before blurting out something random. "I really want us to work… and I can honestly see it happening. I just need more time… and I think you do too."

"Me?" he asked.

"Which leads us to the reason you wanted to talk to me," I said. "You are going to have to learn to trust Jeff if our relationship is ever going to work."

"He bought you roses on Valentine's Day!" Adam attested. "And don't even get me started on the poem."

"I still can't believe that you actually read it," I said. "You do realize that the envelope said 'Meemz' on it right?"

"Yeah, and what is with that nickname anyway?" Adam asked.

"Stop avoiding the issue," I said in a frustrated tone. "Why did you read it?"

"I don't really know," he said after a few moments of silence. "I went in the bathroom to get you some water and when I flipped on the light, I saw the roses. You don't know what it felt like to see that, especially when I saw that the card was addressed to you, using the nickname that only a few people actually use. I knew immediately it was from Jeff and my curiosity got the better of me."

"It wasn't meant for you to read," I said.

"I know, but I am glad I did," he answered and I could tell that he was becoming angered. Time for the jealous boyfriend inside of him to resurface. "It just proves my point."

"It proves nothing other than that he is a really good friend," I said coarsely. "I didn't see the word _love_ anywhere in the poem. He said I was _beautiful_ and _smart_, not that he was in love with me. Besides, I already made it quite clear that I don't feel about him in that way. He knows, so why can't you get it through your thick skull that nothing is going on?"

"I'm sorry! I just… don't know how to stop thinking this way," he admitted truthfully.

"And that is one of the reasons we are on a break," I sighed as I lied back down on my bed. "We need to learn how to fully trust each other."

"How does that work when we are apart?" he asked with a laugh.

"Just trust me," I said with a laugh, as I realized the double meaning in the statement.

"Okay," Adam said softly. "And I am sorry if I invaded your privacy by reading the poem. I just want you to know that I did it because I was concerned about our relationship."

"Apology accepted," I said with a smile, which turned into a yawn. I looked at the clock and saw that it was after three in the morning. Since Adam was still on the west coast, I was three hours ahead of him and really needed to get some rest. "I better get some sleep."

"Fuck, I'm sorry that I've kept you up so late," Adam said, obviously realizing the New Jersey time.

"No need to apologize for that," I said. "We needed to talk… and I needed to hear your voice."

"Glad to know that I am not the only one who feels that way," Adam said. "I miss seeing you. I miss talking to you. I miss coming into the locker room and seeing your beautiful face."

"I miss being in your arms," I said softly.

"I miss making love to you all night long," he responded.

"I miss waking up and having you be the first thing I see," I said as a few tears pricked at the corners of my eyes.

"I miss the way your body fits perfectly next to mine," he said, and I could tell that he was being emotionally affected as well.

"I miss the way I can see your soul when I look up into your eyes," I said as I brushed the few tears away before they could fall.

"I miss… I miss you Nam. I miss everything about you."

"I miss you too Adam."


	36. I Know You Miss Me

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer. I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. This chapter contains dialogue and matches from the 2/19/07 Raw broadcast. Lyrics belong to Fort Minor. Thank you to everyone who has read, added, and reviewed. Big thanks to all of my loyal reviewers who keep me going - "68 stones from a broken heart", "unlimited emerald0307", "Inday", "alana2awesome", "XtremeGirl619", "Hatter-Zombie", and "Farra Sti". You all are amazing and I thank you for your dedication to reviewing. It keeps my dedication to this story going. Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

"So I talked with him last night."

"And?"

"I think things are looking up. He actually listened to me, which is at least a start."

I nodded my head and turned from Melina to look back into the mirror in the locker room. Raw was less than an hour away yet I really wasn't looking forward to it. Jeff had the first match tonight and it was against Umaga. Let's just say that Jeff wasn't the only one who was going to be getting his hands dirty in this one. Yet of course, my interference in the match will cause my downfall: a Samoan Spike right off of the apron. To say that I was nervous was an understatement. I was _petrified_.

"How are things with you and Adam?" Melina asked.

She had called a few times since our talk Thursday morning. It was becoming much easier to talk to her. It was nice to finally be able to speak with a woman in the business on both a personal and professional level. She knew firsthand what it was like in the business along with trying to balance a intra-company personal life.

"We haven't talked since Thursday night," I said as I recalled how our last conversation ended.

"Talk about avoiding an issue," she said with a laugh. "You need to communicate with each other if things are ever going to get patched up."

"I know. It's just difficult," I said as I turned back to look at her. "Whenever I talk to him, I just want to forget about everything that is holding us back and run to him."

"I think your heart is probably trying to tell you something," she responded.

"I know," I admitted once more. "But we both have some things that we need to put aside first."

"If you are waiting for him and Jeff to be friends, I can tell you now… it's _never_ gonna happen!" she stated with a laugh.

A few of the other Divas entered the room. Melina and I shared a look, signaling that we would continue our conversation another time. Tonight was my first night of actually rooming with the Divas. Melina and I were going to be rooming together at the hotel as well. Jeff understood that Melina needed her space from John, so he offered to switch rooms.

"I better go find Jeff," I said. "Besides, I need to get ready for my '_injury_'."

"At least you get a little time off," Melina offered.

"I've had enough time off, but Vince wants to repackage my character," I said with a sigh.

"You're not going to be with Jeff anymore?" Mickie asked as she joined our conversation.

"No, I'm going to still be with him, but have more of an active role."

"Guess that means that I'll be seeing you in the ring sometime soon," Melina said with a grin. "Especially after I take that gold off of Mickie's waist tonight."

"Looking forward to it," I said with a laugh. "I'll see you girls later."

I walked out of the locker room and down the corridor. I wasn't exactly sure what room Jeff was in tonight yet figured I would see one of its occupants sooner or later. After a few minutes of just loitering around with no luck of finding assistance, I decided to make my way back to the Divas' room. Jeff would find me eventually.

"Nam! You avoiding me or something?"

I spun around and right into the waiting arms of the champ himself. I hadn't seen John since last Monday, as he flew home to spend Valentine's Day with his girlfriend.

"I think it is more like the other way around," I said jokingly.

"Yeah, but I sure did hear about your drunken misadventures with the Legend Killer," John said with a grin. "Doubt Adam will leave you two alone again for awhile."

"Considering I hardly remember the night, nobody needs to worry about me heavily drinking anytime soon," I said as he threw his arm over my shoulder and started walking down the hallway.

"Must've been something to see," John mused. "The usually calm and reserved wallflower Nami turned extroverted and vivacious, all because of a little alcohol."

"Like it's never happened to you," I said sarcastically.

"Please," John said. "I'm up there in number with Orton when it comes to drunken escapades."

We made it to what I assumed was his locker room. I backed away and his arm fell from my shoulder.

"You're not coming in?"

"Not_ that _much has changed since we last spoke," I said with a chuckle.

"Oh, come on… I miss my roommate," he said with a small grin. "I was getting used to having some estrogen around to balance out the rampant testosterone."

"Aw, how nicely put," I said with a laugh. "Miss you too champ."

I went over to give him a parting embrace. Yet as soon as I was in his grasp, he opened the door and pulled me inside.

"Last time I trust you," I muttered lightheartedly.

"No reason to be mad Nam. Adam's not here."

I turned to face Randy and shot him a small glare.

"Maybe it was _you_ who I was trying to avoid."

"I doubt that," Randy said with a smirk. I went over and sat next to him on the couch.

"I hope Adam hasn't blamed you for Valentine's Day," I said, as I turned to look at Randy. "It wasn't your fault."

"It sort of was," he said with a chuckle. "I should have cut you off after your fifth drink."

"Damn, how much _did _you drink?" John asked.

"I don't remember," I said, as I tried to once again recall that night.

"No shit," Randy said. "I doubt you even remember some of the bigger things that happened, let alone how many beers you had. Seven, by the way."

"Seven?" John asked, shooting Randy a slight glare.

"Over the course of three hours," he said. "It's not like she chugged them or anything."

The three of us fell into silence. It was a little odd being back here after a few weeks of absence. Adam's absence from the group was both welcomed and regrettable. I didn't want to try and make everything exactly how it used to be too fast. It would probably then just end up in disaster. Yet I really wanted to see him. Hearing his voice a few nights ago wasn't enough. I wanted to speak with him face-to-face. So much emotion was shared in our last conversation that my heart ached to see him.

"So I guess you are just managing Hardy tonight?" Randy asked, even though I knew he already knew the answer.

"Yeah, but things are going to be changing," I said.

"Oh yeah?" John asked. "Do tell."

"I guess you'll just have to watch," I said with a grin.

"You're going to turn on Hardy, aren't you?" Randy asked with a huge grin on his face.

"You wish," I muttered flatly as I got up from my seat next to him. "I'm going to be getting some in-ring action in a few weeks."

"About damn time," John said with a laugh. "We could be champs together."

"Getting a little ahead of yourself," I said. "Besides, the Women's Championship isn't really something that I am aiming for."

"Huh?"

I realized that my statement had come out wrong. I knew that getting the belt was the furthest thing from my mind, yet in the eye of a real WWE Diva, it is what you should strive for. I, on the other hand, just wanted to come out of this experience in one piece, with all of my bones still intact. Besides, I really didn't even want the belt and then always have that "champion" title associated with my wrestling career.

"Well… I just meant that I think I need to earn my spot a little more," I said with a small smile. "Don't want to rush into things that I don't deserve."

"Very respectable," John said with a nod. I had to fight the urge to laugh as he was the only champion I had known in my whole stay in the company. Talk about not sharing the spotlight, yet I knew that it wasn't his doing.

"Stupid is more like it," Randy scoffed. "If management wants to give you your time, you take it."

"Just don't fuck up things like Orton over there and get management against you," John said with a laugh.

Randy turned to glare mockingly at his friend. I figured that John was speaking of Randy's suspension for _unprofessional conduct_. After spending a little of my free time on-line, I learned a lot of gossip about the people I had come to consider friends. I wanted to get their side of things and maybe help clear up some stuff, but didn't know exactly how to go about it. I couldn't just flat out ask, but I didn't want to be too secretive. I needed to find a balance.

There was a knock at the door. John walked over and opened it up.

"Hey, I was wondering if you'd seen Nami anywhere?"

"In here," I exclaimed as John stepped out of the way to let Jeff in.

"I wanted to know if you would like to go over the match once more," Jeff said. "Make sure you have no doubts about anything."

"So she really is going to be doing some work tonight," Randy said with a smirk.

"Um, yeah," Jeff replied in a somewhat confused tone. "Meemz, you can stay if you…"

"No," I said, cutting off his reply. "I really do want to go over things. It needs to look right, but at the same time be safe."

"Come and visit whenever Nam," John said as he came over to give me a friendly embrace. "Our door is always open to you."

"Yeah, preferably when your _boyfriend_ is actually around," Randy said, emphasizing the word 'boyfriend' most likely for Jeff's hearing.

"Funny," I murmured dully to Randy, before turning back to John. "Tell Adam I said 'hi'."

"Sure," he responded with a wink.

Jeff and I both left the room and headed to his own locker room. Both of us were already dressed for the night and nervously awaiting his match. This was the first time that I was actually happy that his match was the first of the night. Not only was Jeff going to lose his title, he was also going to lose his 'girlfriend' for a week. I was given all of this week and next week off from active duty to sell the injury that Umaga was going to inflict.

That didn't mean that I wasn't going to be working. I had a few Diva signings to go to. Luckily, Melina was going to be there as well. Always good to have a friendly face around, especially when I wasn't too big on autograph signings. I felt like I was lying to every fan that asked for my signature. I also had a few radio interviews back on the east coast. That was going to give me the opportunity to stop by my office at Hachette. I still wanted to have my job when this whole experience was over. I just hoped my surprise visit wouldn't end in the termination of my current occupation.

* * *

"Ms. Shepherd, are you sure that you are alright?" 

I smiled slightly at the medic as I swallowed some water. Jeff's match went as planned. Umaga dominated the action. Our altercation went over well. Jeff was thrown onto the mat after a hard clothesline. I got up on the apron to plead my case with the Samoan. Jeff had already sustained seven minutes of torture at his hands and I was trying to end it. Umaga looked from me to the fallen highflyer. He exclaimed a loud bellow before lifting his taped-up thumb and jamming it into my windpipe… or at least that is what it _looked like_. I toppled off of the apron unconsciously and laid on the outside of the ring.

To act unconscious was a lot harder than it looked. There are fans a few feet away from your body so you have to stay still… lifeless. I collapsed in a way that I was on my side, so my hair and arm could cover my face. I blinked rapidly as I laid there, trying to get over the pain I was feeling on my side. It really did knock the wind out of me. It was nothing to what most of the wrestlers had to endure, but I wasn't really used to it. Besides, I wasn't dressed to wrestle. I was in my normal dress and high heel attire.

The medics came as I heard the bell ring, signaling the end of the match. Umaga was announced as the new champion as I was put on a stretcher. A neck brace was secured in place and I was taken to the back. The first person I saw backstage was a very apprehensive Jeff. After easing his anxiety, I was sent to the medical area. Management wanted me to get checked out just in case something went wrong. I just felt slightly bruised, nothing unusual.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said with a smile, as I accepted the Advil. I popped the pills in my mouth and swallowed them with another swig of water.

_"Listen man, did you talk to Mr. McMahon?"_

I swiveled my body around on the cot and looked over at the monitor with a smile.

_"I talked to Vince and I got our rematch next week: you and I, against HBK and John Cena for th__e World Tag Team Championships," _Randy told his Rated RKO partner. Even if I still had yet to see Adam tonight, I could always take pleasure in seeing his on-screen persona. "_That's right. That's right… now tonight, __after I'm done with John Cena, I feel like next week's gonna be a cakewalk man. When I'm done with John Cena tonight, it'll be a breeze getting __them__ titles back around our waists."_

_"That's what I like to hear," _Adam said as he slightly patted Randy on the chest in an approving gesture. "_You know, how 'bout Cena and Michaels? They think they know the only way to the WWE title match at Wrestlemania. They seem to be forgetting the Money in the Bank ladder match. I mean, I know better than anyone, you can cash that bad boy in at any time you want, even seconds after the WWE title match at Wrestlemania."_

_"Right… right," _Randy said, as he was considering Adam's words very carefully. It was already determined that both members of Rated RKO were going to be in that match. I guessed that this was just sowing those seeds.

_"Yeah, so they can give themselves all the cute little presents they want, cause tonight I'm g__onna give myself a present," _Adam said with determination in his eyes. _"A __chance to make history at Wrestlemania."_

_"Alright, you do that man,__"_ Randy said as Adam left the screen for his match, leaving a contemplative Legend Killer.

"Do you mind if I stay for the next match?" I asked one of the medics with a small smile as I knew that I wouldn't make it to the locker room in time.

"Go right ahead," he responded.

Adam dominated the beginning of the match, yet Rob came back to gain the momentum. Just after Adam was being clobbered by RVD, the feed cut for a commercial break. A few of the monitors backstage showed the full feed yet this wasn't one of them. I quickly thanked the staff and exited the area. I made it to back to the Divas' locker room as quickly as I could and settled down to watch the rest of the match.

"Hey, you okay?"

I looked away from the screen and smiled at Melina.

"Yeah, just a little bruised," I said.

"That was some fall," she said with a laugh as I turned my attention back to the screen.

"Looked worse than it was," I said as Adam got a near fall on Rob.

"Sorry for disrupting you," she said jokingly with a laugh. I turned away once more and gave her a small look.

"Your match next?"

"Sure is," Melina said as she made sure that her boots were secure. "Mickie is already at the curtain. Figure I should head over there too."

"Have a great match," I said as I stood up to give her a hug. "I'll see you back at the hotel later."

"You're not staying?" she asked.

"Just for your match, but then I think I am going to cut out," I said. "I'm a little tired."

Melina nodded and headed out for the gorilla position. I turned back to the screen just in time to see Randy distract Rob away from hurting Adam. I guessed that Rob was going for his signature five-star frogsplash, but he ended up giving Randy a flying kick instead. Adam used this reprieve to get in position and spear Rob. That signaled the end of the match as Adam got the pinfall and victory. I smiled at the screen as the match seemed to go off without any problems.

I spent the commercial break getting my things together. After Melina's match, I was going to go back to the hotel like I told my roommate. Yet it wasn't because I was tired. I wanted some time to myself so I could write in my journal. I knew that once she came back, I wouldn't have a chance.

Melina and Mickie's match lasted a little under five minutes. They both showcased their talent and nothing looked awkward or sloppy. Of course, Melina's victory wasn't exactly clean. Nitro didn't interfere like some were probably suspecting. Melina pulled Mickie into a roll-up and grasped the ropes to gain extra pressure. It was enough for Mickie to stay down for the three count and a new Women's Champion was crowned.

I looked one last time around the room before grabbing my things and leaving. I made it to my rental car without any problems or hindrances. The show was still in progress so there were no fans waiting by the backstage parking lot. I was happy for that. The whole autograph thing was so foreign to me. I still didn't view myself as a part of the WWE. I couldn't fully commit.

_"This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill.  
__Fifteen percent concentrated power of will..."_

"You miss me already?" I joked as I picked up the phone.

"Of course, but that's not the reason for my call," John said. "Adam's hurt."

"What?" I asked totally stunned, as I put my bag in the car's trunk. "I just saw his match… well most of it. He looked perfectly fine."

"It's called working through an injury babe," John said with a small laugh.

"Is it serious?" I asked sullenly.

"Medics are still checking him out," John answered. "I thought that you would want to know."

"Yes, of course. Thanks."

"I'll call when I know anything else," John said.

"Yeah, you do that," I murmured.

We hung up and I knew that I wouldn't need John for an update. I locked the doors and put my cell back in my purse. I took off rapidly toward the arena's back doors. I walked down the corridors and headed to the medical area. I had just frequented the area so it wasn't that hard to find.

"Any pain now?"

I walked into the area and saw two medics examining Adam. He had his back to me and it looked like they were checking his neck. I just prayed that nothing was fractured. His spine couldn't go through another surgery. John and Randy were both seated in chairs a few yards away from Adam's cot. I smiled at how deep their friendship must've been, considering that they had a match in a few minutes that they should have been getting ready for. I walked over and sat down next to John.

"You owe me twenty bucks Rand," John said softly. Randy looked over at me and groaned.

"You guys bet on me?" I asked in a hushed tone so as not to distract the medics from doing their evaluation.

"I thought it was a sure thing," Randy said with a shrug. These guys would bet on _anything_.

"Shit! Right there!"

Adam's voice broke our conversation.

"It's not his neck, is it?" I asked softly.

"I think it's his jaw," Randy answered.

"Is that good or bad?" I asked, keeping with the muted tone.

"No injury is good," he replied mockingly. "But it is better than most."

We watched as the medics continued their evaluation. It didn't look like the injury was very severe, but certainly enough to put him out of action.

"I would say you should get it checked out again in the morning, after some of the swelling has gone down," the head medical worker said.

"Am I going to be able to perform?" Adam asked, slightly wincing in pain.

"By my estimation, not for a few weeks," he said regrettably.

"So much for our title rematch," Randy said in a joking manner. He and John both got up and went over to Adam's side.

"Guess I'll be holding on to it for a little while longer," John said with mock cockiness in his tone. "Not like there was any chance you would have won them back anyway."

I got up and stood slightly behind Randy, still out of Adam's view. I didn't know what to say. We hadn't seen each other in awhile and this certainly wasn't how I pictured our conversation after our last phone call.

"Is everything okay with you, Ms. Shepherd? Nothing flared up after you left?"

"She's here to see him," Randy answered, moving out of the way so I stood next to Adam's cot.

"Hey. You're here," Adam said with a small sense of surprise in his tone.

"John called me," I said with a small smile. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Just a little scratch," he said with a laugh that turned into a grimace.

"Don't hurt yourself," I said softly. "Well, don't hurt yourself_ any more_ than you already are."

"I'll be fine, beautiful," he said with a grin. "Nothing to worry about."

"Yeah. This one has been injured much worse," the head medic said, as he finished his medical report for Vince. "Always keeping us on our toes."

"So what's the prognosis?" Adam asked as he stood up and grasped my hand.

"It seems like you may have fractured your jaw. I would say no competing for at least three weeks, but like I said, get a second opinion."

"Your 'boyfriend' lost his title," Randy said, using air quotes around Jeff's scripted role as my boyfriend. "You have been 'injured'. And your real boyfriend has been put out of commission for awhile. What a great night you've been having."

"Thanks for the rundown, but..."

"Orton, Cena… you're match is next!"

A frantic tech worker ran into the area and hustled the two men to the gorilla position. I laughed slightly and looked up to see Adam staring down at me. I shifted slightly under his intense gaze which caused him to give a small smile.

"I guess that means I need to go as well," he said softly.

"You can't go back out there," I attested. "You're hurt."

"I still need to finish the show," he said with a small laugh. "Besides, I can spear Cena without having to worry about my jaw."

"Tell him he can't go out there," I said to the medic. He just shrugged his shoulders.

"I haven't filed the report to Mr. McMahon yet," he said. "He's still on the active roster."

"I have wrestled through worse," Adam said as he guided me out of the area. "Remember how I told you about my neck surgery? Well, I wrestled for almost a month before getting the procedure done."

"Yeah, and it probably just made things worse," I said in an annoyed tone.

"Probably," he replied cheekily. "But I am only going out there for two minutes. Nothing will happen."

"Whatever," I muttered sullenly.

"Hey, I am the one who should be annoyed with _you_," Adam said with a laugh. I gave him a questioning look. "You know what it was like to see you take that fall off the apron and not know about it in advance? It was like everything was happening in slow motion."

"Yeah, but at least my injury was _scripted_," I said with a defiant look.

"Which I guess means that I won't be seeing you around for awhile," he said knowingly.

"I'm not going to be back on the road until next weekend," I said with a sigh. "And who knows about you after tonight."

"Well, maybe when you get back, we can try and…"

"Copeland… thirty seconds."

"And that moment was ruined," Adam said with a laugh as he ran his hand through his hair.

"I'll be right here when you get back," I said with a smile as I lightly kissed him on his cheek so not to hurt him.

"Won't be long," he said with a wink as he headed up the stairs.

"Be careful!"

"Stop worrying!"

* * *

_February 19, 2007  
__8:38 PM – California Time_

_This business is starting to get to me. I know__ I know… what took so long? Yet for awhile, I could actually see myself being a part of the company fulltime. I don't know if it would comprise my entire life's work, but I could certainly see it being a big part. Even by reading this, you can't fully grasp the allure of the business. It gets in you and takes over. Through all the bumps and bruises, the desire to perform your best and entertain is always there._

_Now, I don't feel that stimulating excitement as much as I once did. When I went in front of the crowd tonight, I could feel the electricity all around me in the arena. Yet it didn't shock me into the usual frenzy __that it once held. Maybe it's because my role has been very passive and lukewarm so far. I have been in one match and now I am "injured". I am not complaining because I never really expected to get this far._

_But somehow, this busi__ness has gotten under my skin: f__rom loathing to indifference __to now yearning for it more and more. Yet tonight I think that craving found its tipping point. I am "hurt", Jeff lost his belt, and Adam was injured… actually injured. Like Randy said… what a great night I had. Tonight was a very big drop in morale._

_Jeff __isn't all that concerned about his title loss, even though it doesn't look like he will be getting it back anytime soon. He is just happy for each day he comes out of the ring unscathed. Which brings us to Adam, who didn't exactly come out __unscathed.__ I've been replaying the match, or the parts I saw, in my mind and can't figure out where he was injured. But you don't just fracture your jaw out of thin air… or maybe you do in the WWE. Maybe that should be a new purpose for this manifesto of mine._

_I have tried my best to continue with an unbiased view of the business, but the people I am writing about are now my friends. The bias has shifted and now I want to protect the company I have come to see as a family. Yet that would end up being the end of this phase in my life. If Mr. Williams knew about the lack of controversial findings, I would be thrown back behind my desk faster than I could say "WWE". Yet that is why I have decided to make a few changes._

_The break in my relationship with Adam has helped me realize that I really don't know much about many members of the company. Thus I am going to take this free personal time and get to know people better. I am going __to try and get to know a different Superstar or Diva each day that I am actually traveling with the group. It might be awkward at times, but I need to keep myself motivated on something. It is obvious that the actual wrestling is not doing it for me anymore._

_It is time to get the real story from the real Superstars. If I can't do the investigative work myself, I will get it from their own mouths. I just hope…_

"You're still here."

I looked from my writing and smiled up at the still slightly damp yet fully clothed form of Adam Copeland. I subconsciously flipped the cover shut and locked my journal.

"John and Randy left while you were in the shower," I said. "That makes me your ride for the night."

"I guess it does," he said with a grin.

"You still in pain?" I asked as I stood up with a concerned look.

"Not sure. Let me check," Adam said with a small smirk.

He closed the distance between us and kissed me fully on the lips. I wanted to pull back for I didn't want to injure him any more than he already was. Adam would not relent and deepened the kiss. It had been awhile since we both shared this much passion and neither of us wanted to let go. The need for air became too great and we both pulled back.

"So I take it that there wasn't much discomfort," I said with a small grin, as I kept my fingers lightly entangled in his damp locks.

"Even with the painkillers, it felt like someone stabbed me in the jaw," he said with a laugh. I frowned and detangled myself from him. "Doesn't mean that I regret doing it. On the contrary, I'm up for trying it again."

"Then maybe you should have tried lying," I said turning from him to slide my journal back in my purse.

"I don't want there to be anymore secrets between us," Adam said as he grasped my chin lightly and turned me back to his gaze. "I want to be completely honest with you and start earning your full trust back."

My smile turned into a slight frown at the mention of _complete honesty_. I could never be completely honest with Adam unless I wanted to blow my cover. And if I blew that, I doubted that he would even want to be in a relationship with me. He would see that everything was based on a lie.

"That's… nice," I muttered softly, as I realized that I still hadn't spoken up.

"Yeah… nice," Adam said as his gaze shifted back to my lips. I could see what was on his mind and quickly dodged his descending attempt at a kiss.

"What did I just say about doing that?" I exclaimed incredulously. "Not until you are better."

"So, you're saying that you'll let me when I feel better?" he asked with a grin.

"Maybe," I said with a slight grin of my own.

"I'm going to hold you to that," Adam responded as he began to pack up his things.

"I'm sure you will," I muttered as I grabbed my purse.

"All set," Adam said after a few moments as he zipped by his bag.

I smiled when he held the locker room door open and let me exit. We walked down the hallway in silence. I was too lost in my thoughts about my assignment and Adam's plea for absolute honesty. That was the one thing that I couldn't give him, even though every time I looked into his eyes, my resolve crumbled a little more. I wanted so badly to let him in on everything that I had done and was still doing, but I couldn't face his rejection.

We made it outside and I waited patiently as he signed numerous autographs and took some pictures. Even though he was still in pain, he didn't show it. He took everything in stride. He finished up and grasped my hand in his. I saw many flashbulbs go off and knew that our not so secret relationship was definitely going to be public. And of course it had to happen when we were on a small break.

"Want me to drive?" Adam asked, knowing about my loathing of anything that had to do with cars.

"It's a rental and I'm the only one designated to drive," I said as I opened the trunk for him to put his bag in.

"Have some faith beautiful," he said with a grin as he slammed the trunk shut. "Now… keys."

I handed them over to him with a small smile. I walked around and opened the passenger door and got in. It was much better than actually driving. He started the car and cautiously pulled out of the parking lot, avoiding all of the fans and loiterers that were still present. The drive to the hotel was a short and tense one. Neither of us spoke much and just listened to the music on the radio. I could tell that he was a little hurt by the fact that I wasn't ending the break in our relationship. I knew that he wanted to officially be back together, but I still felt like we weren't ready. In no time, we had made it to the hotel and walked slowly into the lobby.

"So… you and Hardy have anything planned tonight?" Adam asked, as he was still under the assumption that Jeff and I were roommates.

"Jeff switched rooms with Melina," I said honestly.

"Really?" Adam asked. "You two get in a fight or something?"

"Jeff and I?" I asked, which earned a nod as a response. "No… no, nothing like that. You heard about Melina and John's break-up though, right?"

"Yeah… oh, I get it," he said as the reason for the switch finally dawned on him. "So you and Melina getting along all right?"

"Uh-huh," I said as we made it to the elevators.

"You're not upset that she stole your crush?" Adam asked jokingly as we entered the compartment. I laughed as I remembered telling him about my meeting with Dave.

"I thought I told you that he wasn't my type," I said with a laugh.

"Oh yeah, that's right," he said with a smirk. "Tall, blond, and Canadian is more your style."

"It's just too bad that the hottest ones are already taken," I mused with a dreamy grin. "I mean Jay has Denise. And I must admit that from what older footage I have seen, Y2J is certainly a sexy beast. Yet alas, he is taken as well."

"Very cute beautiful," Adam said as he leaned against the wall next to me.

"I thought so," I said with a laugh. He brushed a few locks of hair from my face and cupped my cheek with his hand. Just as he was about to lean down to capture my lips in his own, the elevator came to a stop. I smiled as I pushed by him and walked out of the doors.

"I can't catch a break."


	37. Don't Have Much Room To Live

_A.N. - Normal Disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. Lyrics in the chapter belong to The Starting Line. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed. "Farra Sti", "Fozzy-Floozy", "Inday", "XtremeGirl619", "nicole", "Hatter-Zombie", and "unlimited emerald0307" - you guys totally reek of awesomeness and I thank you greatly! Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

"I was a complete mess!"

"No, you weren't darlin'… Okay, maybe just a little."

I sighed into the phone as I stomped down Park Avenue. I had just gotten out of a radio interview at a New York station and was being consoled over the phone by Jeff. It was my third and final interview since my "injury" last Monday and I still wasn't getting the hang of it. Unlike Adam, I couldn't just speak and be witty and charming naturally. I got flustered way too easily and either I rambled or stuttered. This time was no exception as there was a combination of the two incorporated with a little nervous laughter.

"You are supposed to be making me feel better," I said with a small laugh.

"There is nothing you should be upset about," Jeff said, as he had listened to the interview through the live stream on the station's website. "You sounded nervous, but in a cute way."

"There is nothing _cute_ about being nervous," I said as I almost stepped in front of a taxi. His horn brought me back into my present surroundings. I smiled slightly at the irate driver and stepped back on the curb.

"You still there?" Jeff asked as I hadn't spoken in a few moments. Too busy almost getting run over.

"Yeah, I'm here," I muttered as the light finally turned red so I could actually cross the street. "I really suck at doing two things at once. Having a conversation and dodging traffic at the same time is not recommended… at least in my case."

"Then maybe I should let you go," Jeff said with a slight chuckle.

"Don't think you are getting away that easy," I said with a grin. "I haven't spoken to you in _three days_. I am going through Jeff Hardy withdrawals."

"Happy to see that I am loved by someone," he muttered into the phone.

"I don't like that tone Mr. Hardy," I said in a mock pouting voice. "Something bothering you?"

"It's nothing," he replied in the same flat tone as before.

"Oh, come on and tell me," I replied. "Get my mind off of my own suckiness for a moment."

"Well, since you put it like _that_," Jeff said sarcastically. "It's just some relationship stuff… nothing new."

"It seems like no one is having an easy time with their relationships these days," I said.

"Tell me about it," he said with a sardonic laugh. "It's just that everything is always the same with me and Beth. We are going great for awhile and then we break up. Yet as soon as that happens, like a few weeks later, we are back together. I guess that I am just sick of it. It's like we are running in place, you know? We keep moving, but are never getting anywhere. I want to move forward in it, but it just seems that… that it never goes anywhere."

"Well… do you think that Beth is the one?" I asked as I stopped walking for I had reached my destination.

"_The one_?" Jeff asked, confused by terminology.

"Well, it was something that my father always told me when I was younger," I said with a smile. "That everybody has one person that is perfect for them… one person that completes them. So… is Beth the one for you? Or do you think that there might be someone else?"

"I don't really know Meemz," he said honestly. "I… I've thought about having a future with her, but there is always something keeping me from fully committing. We have broken up and gotten back together more times than I can count over the years. But there is always something that brings us back to each other."

"I think there is a reason you two are together again," I said. "You just need to look in your heart and find out if you are really ready to take the next step. Maybe that is what Beth is waiting for: you to solely commit to her."

"Maybe… I don't know," Jeff said with a nervous laugh. "I think we should talk about this more when we are face-to-face. It's weird having an intimate conversation over a phone call."

"Yeah," I said with a laugh. "Us baring our souls to each other while I am standing on a bustling New York sidewalk… not the most personal atmosphere."

"So… you have any plans for the rest of the day?"

I knew that I couldn't exactly tell him the truth. I was about to go to back to my Hachette office to see if Mr. Williams had any news about my assignment. I also missed seeing my friends. Talking to Danielle on the phone just wasn't enough. And I hadn't heard from Steven at all since New Year's Eve. I knew that I was a little concerned with other things since then, but it still hurt that he hadn't tried to keep in touch.

"Just visiting a few friends," I said, which wasn't exactly a lie.

"Sounds relaxing," he responded.

"Oh yeah," I muttered softly.

This trip wasn't about relaxation. It was about trying to get some motivation and a deadline for this project. I didn't want it to end just yet, but I wanted to get an estimate of how long this charade would continue. It would give me a good time table to base some of my decisions off of. Like how and when to try and explain to my new WWE friends the reason for my departure… meaning also revealing the reason I was even there to being with.

"You don't sound too happy," Jeff said.

"I… it's Monday," I said, deciding to lie instead of trying to and explain things to him. "I'm going to miss coming out to the ring with you tonight."

"Hopefully when you get back, you will be doing a lot more than that," Jeff responded. "But I know that I am going to miss seeing your beautiful face when I beat Shelton tonight."

"Congrats since I doubt I'll talk to you beforehand," I said with a small laugh.

"Thanks. With the win, I'm gonna earn my spot in the Money in the Bank match."

"Oh, that's just… great," I said, somewhat flatly. Just thinking about Adam and Jeff having to be in the same match made me a little ill. It still bugged me to see them go at it in the ring, partially because I knew that they didn't get along. "Um… do you know if Adam is wrestling tonight? I know that he was supposed to be in the tag team title rematch, but I was hoping that he could get out of it."

"As far as I know, he's going to wrestle tonight," Jeff said sheepishly as he knew what my reaction would be.

"You have got to be kidding me!" I exclaimed as I kicked the granite façade of the building in frustration. "Does he have a death wish or something?"

"Darlin', it really isn't that serious of an injury," Jeff said, trying to calm me down. "He knows what he is doing. I think management is going to give him a break after tonight, but this match was already set. It wasn't like they could just cancel it."

"I doubt Rated RKO is going to win though," I said with a sigh. "Randy could have lost the match all by his lonesome."

"You're right. They aren't going to win," Jeff answered with a small laugh. "But Adam is needed to further the storyline. They need to keep building tension between him and Orton and they can't do that if Adam is resting on the sidelines."

"But he is hurt," I exclaimed. "_Really hurt_, not like me who is pretty much on a paid vacation when I am not even the smallest bit bruised."

"Just enjoy your time off," Jeff said followed up by a yawn. It was only nine here in New York which meant that it was six where he was in Fresno, California.

"I think someone needs to get a little more sleep before tonight," I said with a smile.

"You're probably right," he said. "I'll call you after the show if you want."

"I'd like that," I responded. "Now, go back to sleep… and thanks for the talk."

"Don't mention it," Jeff said with another yawn. "Talk to you later."

"Ciao," I said with a laugh as I flipped the phone shut.

I slid the phone back into my bag and pushed off of the side of the building. I took a deep breath before walking over to the glass doors and pulling them open. It had been awhile since I had actually been back here and it felt like old times. Walking into the lavish lobby, I looked around and took everything in. It was certainly a sight for sore eyes. This was my territory. This was where I could be myself and actually feel comfortable.

I pulled the sunglasses away from my eyes and put them into my coat pocket. I walked over to the desk expecting to see the familiar face of Christine, the company's greeter/desk secretary. Yet instead it was a totally different face.

"Grand Central Publishing, how can I help you this morning?"

"Uh, yeah… my name is Nami Shepherd and…"

"You're Nami Shepherd?"

I was shocked at her question and the excitement that her expression held. I just nodded my head slightly. She bounced out of her seat before trying to get a hold of herself.

"Sorry," she said as she sat back down in her chair. "It is just that I have heard so much about you… and your story. It is the talk of the entire building. We are all behind you."

"Thanks… I think," I said with a small smile. She knew of me, but never actually had seen me before. It was just very awkward. "I just wanted to go up and visit my office at Hachette… if that is okay?"

"Of course," she said as she scribbled something down on a piece of paper and flung a visitor's pass my way. "Have a great visit."

"Thanks," I murmured as I accepted the pass and walked over to the glass elevator.

I tried to prepare myself for what was about to come. As a worst case scenario, I had a small stack of index cards filled with reasons why I should be able to continue my story. Most of them were total bullshit, but I knew that if I panicked, it would be better than nothing. The ride up to my office's floor was a very tense one. Knowing that the whole building, according to the secretary downstairs, knew about my adventure made me quite apprehensive. What would they think when they actually found out about my stay as a WWE Diva? Would they find it amusing or a total waste of time? Why was I even caring what others thought?

The elevator stopped at my floor and I stepped off. Everything that once seemed routine to me was now just as foreign as the constant traveling had been a few months ago. Now, I was used to jet setting across the country and living out of a suitcase. This was like a blast from the past that was really only a few months old. I had to consciously tell myself that this was my actual office as I walked down the hallway toward my personal space.

I swung the door open and noticed that everything was how I had left it: an orderly mess. To anyone else, it would seem like utter chaos. But I knew where everything could be found and that was all that mattered. I sat down in my leather chair and spun around for old time's sake. It was like this was no longer my reality anymore and I was just visiting; a fact that was quite surreal.

"Excuse me, but no one is allowed to be in here."

I smiled at hearing Danielle's voice. She couldn't see the occupant of the chair since the back was to the door, so she was certainly surprised when I spun it back around and revealed myself.

"I would hope that I could come back and visit my own office," I said with a grin as I stood from my chair.

"Oh my God! Nami, why didn't you tell me you were coming?" Danielle asked as she came over and pulled me into an excited embrace.

"I wanted it to be a surprise," I said as we pulled back. "Besides, I wanted to catch Mr. Williams on the fly, instead of him knowing of my arrival."

"Ooo, he's not in the best of moods today," Danielle said with a slight frown.

"That's just great," I muttered as I fell back into my chair. "I came because I wanted to talk to him about the whole angle of my piece."

"Yeah… how is the takedown of a multimillion dollar organization going?" Danielle asked with a grin as she sat in an empty wooden chair across from my desk.

"Not so good," I muttered with a smile.

"Yeah, that happens when you fall in love with the business and its employees," Danielle remarked as she propped her legs up on my desk. I gave her a look, but she seemed quite content the way she was.

"I guess," I muttered. "But that doesn't mean that I want to just give up and leave because…"

"Because you aren't ready yet. You still need Adam to put a rock on your finger," she said with a big smile on her face.

"That is _not_ what this is about," I said defiantly. "I want to make things right. I feel… dirty at times having to lie to people that I have come to see as friends. I want… to prove to them and myself that my time in the WWE was more than just lies and betrayal."

"Uh-huh," she said with a grin still plastered on her face. "But the ulterior motive is so you can get more snuggly-wuggly with the Rated-R Superstar. How is he doing by the way?"

Danielle still didn't know about our spilt. I knew that it was wrong to keep it from her, as she was one of the people that I could be totally honest with. It was just that admitting it her would mean admitting that we really were on a break. And I knew that it was my idea for the whole time off, but that didn't mean that it didn't hurt any less.

"We sort of…" I started as I tried to find the words.

"You're engaged? Is that what you are trying to say?" she asked as she grabbed for my hand. "I don't see a ring but…"

"We are taking a break at the moment," I exclaimed hastily. She dropped my wrist and stared at me in shock.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" Danielle said as she got up from her seat.

I sunk a little lower in my chair and exhaled loudly. I didn't need her to go off on me about how perfect we were for each other. I had heard enough of it from my family to last a lifetime.

"Ellie, what are you doing in... Nami! You're back!"

I smiled slightly as Steven came over and pulled my sitting form into a hug. He didn't seem like the same Steven that hadn't bothered to contact me in a few months. I was happy to look over that little oversight if I could have my old friend back.

"Just for a visit… or at least I hope just a visit," I said as he pulled back.

"Yeah, yeah, that's all fine and good, but now back to the fact that you and Adam aren't together anymore," Danielle said impatiently as she pushed Steven's standing form out of her way.

"You broke up with Adam?" Steven asked as he took the last empty seat next to Danielle.

"We are still together," I said exasperatedly. "Just taking a little break."

"Which means that you are very close to being history," Steven imparted with a frown.

"We are not!" I attested. "And even if we were, it really isn't either of your businesses."

"Maybe not, but what I want to know is why the need for a break?" Danielle asked in a shrieking tone. "Whenever you talk about him it is how great he is with your family or how romantic he can be."

"Yeah, that's because I always leave out that he has serious trust issues and tends to be very paranoid," I muttered as I shuffled a few papers on my desk; anything to keep my mind fully off the conversation at hand.

"Can you honestly blame the guy?" Steven asked with a laugh. "You aren't exactly being totally forthright with him and I don't even need to bring up the whole Jeff Hardy thing."

"No, you _really _don't," I muttered through clenched teeth. This really wasn't how I expected my visit to go. "And I'm really not in mood to get in an argument over my love life."

"Come on Nami," Danielle said with a sigh. "You are always bitching and moaning over needing to have a life plan and finding _the one_. Maybe, you are just a little thrown that this whole experience has set that whole arrangement off kilter."

As soon as the words "the one" left Danielle's lips, I thought back to my earlier discussion with Jeff. He was going through the same thing with Beth. Granted, mine was on a much smaller scale, yet we both were scared of commitment. I didn't really want to admit it, but I didn't want to let myself fully go and fall for Adam. I knew that it had already happened, but I was still trying to cling onto the little old Nami that I had left. Sort of how Jeff wanted to change and have a stable relationship, but didn't want to change who he was.

"How many Adam's are there in the world?" I mused, chiefly to my own self as I threw my head in my hands. "What is wrong with me?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong with you, okay?" Danielle said as she reached over and pulled my arms away from my face. "You keep telling yourself that Adam's not _the one_ when in reality you know he is _the one_ and you're scared to death of it."

"Ding, ding… Ellie wins," Steven said as he hit his pen against my metal pencil holder. "And you call yourself a WWE Diva when you can't even win an arguement."

I sent frustrated glances to both of them before getting up from my chair.

"Maybe, you're right," I said with a sigh. "I just… I don't know. Everything is too confusing."

"I think that you should tell him the truth," Danielle said as she got up and stood by my side. "Lay everything out on the table and let the chips fall where they may."

"I concur," Steven said as he got up as well.

"You make it sound a lot easier than it actually is," I said as I pulled my bag from the desk and led my friends out of my office.

"We know that it is going to be hard, but he deserves to know," Steven said, as I shut my office door once more.

"And you deserve to be happy," Danielle said as she put her hand on my shoulder. "_Truly_ happy."

"I know all of that. It's just…"

"Ms. Shepherd, what a pleasant surprise."

I turned around to see Mr. Williams heading in our direction. I fought my nerves and smiled the biggest smile that I could muster. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing.

"Hello, Mr. Williams. I just stopped by to… to talk about… my assignment," I said nervously, as Danielle kept her hand on my shoulder in support.

"Oh, yes," Mr. Williams said with a beaming grin. "How are things in the life of WWE Diva? You must have some story to tell."

"You can say that again," Danielle muttered, which earned my heel slightly coming down on her toe.

"Yes, that's the reason I am here because…"

"Not here, Ms. Shepherd," Mr. Williams said, as he held up his hand to halt my speech. My voice died in the back of my throat as he walked past us and headed to his office. "I have an important phone call I must take, but I will be with you shortly."

With that, Mr. Williams went into his office and left the three of us standing outside in silence. My nerves were getting the better of me again and I knew that I would never be able to do it without help. I could barley form sentences around him as is. But having to plead my case about the fact that my story was taking an unprecedented turn, was a totally different ballgame. Nothing seemed to be going right.

_"Tell me what you thought about  
__When you were gone and so alone…"_

"Oh God, not now," I whined as I pulled my phone from my bag.

I stared down at the picture of Adam that was on the screen of my phone and smiled. He was one of the reasons I was fighting to keep the story alive. No matter how much I could deny it. He and all of the friends I had made were keeping me from leaving.

"Hey… this is _really _a bad time," I muttered into the phone as soon as I flipped it open. Both Danielle and Steven gave me questioning glances, but I just turned away from them.

"Is everything all right?" Adam asked, concern etched in his tone.

"Not really," I murmured as I looked through the frosted glass at my boss on the phone. He looked angry and I knew that this was not going to be easy.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked, which got a small smile to adorn my features.

"Don't wrestle tonight for starters," I mused, earning a groan from the other end.

"I can't do that, beautiful," Adam said in lighthearted tone. "Don't worry so much. I'll be fine and I promise to call you right after the match."

"Adam, I don't want anything to happen to you," I whined slightly, which garnered a chuckle from the Canadian.

"Nothing will happen," he said. "Besides, Orton is going to do a lot of the work."

"Are you just saying that to make me feel better?" I asked with a smile.

"Maybe," he said, and I could just picture his grinning face in my head.

"Ms. Shepherd, I would like to speak with you now."

I turned toward Mr. Williams door and saw that it was slightly ajar. My nerves came back once more and I just gaped at the entrance to his office. I looked towards both of my friends who just shrugged their shoulders.

"I have to go," I said curtly into the phone.

"Huh?" Adam asked in a confused tone.

"I have to go to a meeting," I said which earned shocked glances from both of my friends. I quickly covered my mouth with my free hand and closed my eyes hoping that he didn't hear me.

"A meeting? With who?" Adam asked.

"Umm… family meeting. So yeah, have to go. Call me later," I said in rushed tone as I flipped my phone shut before he could reply. "Damn, I am _so_ going to Hell."

"You are not," Danielle said as she pulled me into a comforting hug. "But you better get in there before things get worse than they already are. He hates to be kept waiting."

"You don't need to remind me," I said with a groan. "I work here, remember?"

"Ms. Shepherd, any day now!"

I dropped my phone back in my bag. I took a deep breath and took a step towards the door. My mind blanked and I had no clue what to say. I opened my bag once more and fished the index cards out from the bottom. I made sure that they were in some order and started to walk toward the office.

"Where do you think you are going with those?" Danielle asked as she gestured to the cards in my hands.

"Dani, I need them," I pleaded. "I suck at public speaking, you know that."

"Yes, but this isn't public speaking. This is you speaking from your heart to your boss," she said as she stepped in front of me and grabbed the cards from my hand. "Speak from passion, not from note cards."

I watched as the techicolored cardboard rectangles flew through the air and fell haphazardly on the ground. Danielle smiled and slightly nudged me into the office. She shut the door as I turned around to exit in fear. This was not how I wanted this meeting to start and now I didn't even have my notes to fall back on.

"Ms. Shepherd, please take a seat."

Mr. Williams gestured to an empty chair in front of his desk. I nodded slightly and took a seat. I set my bag on the other chair and nervously shifted my hands in my lap.

"So, let's hear about the WWE," he said as he leaned back in his chair.

I cleared my throat and tried to come up with something to say. Nothing would come to mind. I couldn't even remember what I had written on the cards. I felt like I was back in college and having a mental block right before a huge exam. Oh, how I wish it was as simple as taking a test.

"Well sir, the company… is nothing like I expected it to be," I said nervously with a small smile.

"Really? How so?" he asked with a curious expression fixed on his brow.

"Um… I went into this… with a horrible opinion of what pro-wrestling was," I said.

"As I recall, you were practically kicking and screaming at being assigned this project," he said with a small snicker.

"Yes sir," I said softly as I tried to think of where I was going with my original statement. "But after spending time getting to know the company… the company and its employees on a more… personal basis, I… I…"

"You?" Mr. Williams asked, after a few moments of my stuttering.

"I realized that I was wrong," I said with a small smile. He gave me a look which told me to go on, but I didn't know where to start. "Well, I have been keeping all of my notes like you asked."

"And where are they?" he asked dully. I quickly reached into my bag and pulled out my leather journal.

"All in here," I said as I grasped the book tightly. "I've been writing everything in journal form."

"How cliché," Mr. Williams said bleakly.

I laughed nervously and unlocked the book. I flipped through a few pages and found a good sample of my work to show him. I pushed the book across the desk and he stared down at the text. I waited in silence as he read my innermost thoughts on the page before him. He flipped through a few more pages. He stopped at a page that had three pictures attached with a paper clip. He slid the pictures from the page and looked at them closely.

"Well it seems that you have become pretty close with a few of your subjects," he said with a grin.

Hearing him call my friends "subjects" made me feel ill. They weren't just names on a piece of paper to me. They were so much more.

"A little too close by my estimation," he said as he put one of the pictures down in front of me.

I smiled slightly as I looked at the picture. It was me, Randy, John, and Adam in their locker room before a Raw broadcast sometime in January. The four of us were sitting on a couch with me on Adam's lap in the middle and the other two men flanking us. It brought back good memories of the time I had spent rooming with the three of them and how much I really missed it. The Divas were great, but nothing compared to those three.

"Probably," I muttered as he pulled the picture away from my sight.

"And judging by the entries that I have read so far, I don't see much investigative reporting," he said as he secured the three photos once more. "More like a girl living in a dream world and writing about it."

"I know that it looks that way sir," I said as I decided that I needed to start pleading my case. "But I needed to get comfortable in my surroundings before…"

"And you certainly have done that," he said with a pensive grin as he looked at another photograph. He pulled it out of the book and placed it in front of me. "Care to explain this Ms. Shepherd?"

I looked down at the photograph in front of me and immediately understood what Mr. Williams had meant. It was a photo that John had taken of Adam and I kissing right at the beginning of our relationship. It was the night that Carly was eliminated from the Diva Search and the first full day that we officially considered ourselves as a couple. We, of course, hadn't been aware that there was anybody else in the room at the time. But that night, John sent me an email with the picture attached and I knew that we had been caught.

"That's Adam," I said cautiously.

"I don't care about his name!" he exclaimed as he pulled the picture away and put it back in the journal. "I see that I was wrong in thinking that you could handle this assignment! This was not supposed to be some vacation from reality, Ms. Shepherd! You were supposed to be an investigative reporter, not some cheap slut who throws herself at the closest male to her!"

"That is not what happened!" I stated firmly.

"I don't care what happened!" he shouted. He closed the journal and locked it back up before throwing it back in my lap.

"Mr. Williams, let me explain," I pleaded as I looked directly at him hoping that he would be open to reason. He looked directly into my eyes and I felt a shiver run down my spine. This was not good.

"There is nothing to explain, Ms. Shepherd. Your assignment is over."


	38. I'm Not Your Star

_A.N. - Normal Disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. Lyrics in this chapter belong to The Starting Line and Evanescence. Thanks to everyone who has added, read, and of course reviewed. "68 stones from a broken heart", "Hatter-Zombie", "unlimited emerald0307", "XtremeGirl619", and "Farra Sti" - thanks a million for your reviews as they helped me get this chapter out. My original outline of what would happen has been sort of shaken by this chapter as the events really weren't supposed to happen yet. But not everything is going to be resolved and anything still and probably will happen. Thanks for the constant support. Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

"You need to get out of the apartment. It has been four days!"

I just sunk back in bed and ignored Danielle's plea. It seemed that much more time had passed. Even though it may have been Friday afternoon, Monday's debacle was still fresh in my mind. I had gone into the meeting with Mr. Williams nervous, but I never thought in my wildest dreams that he would kick me off the assignment.

Trying to reason with him was out of the question. I thought it was going to be hard to explain things to him to begin with and as soon as he saw my photos, I knew it was mission impossible. The whole reason I was chosen for the assignment, besides the fact that Danielle and Steven forced the issue, was that I wouldn't fawn all over the talent. I would be _totally professional_. That was thrown out the window as soon as I actually met the Superstars. And now, I was put in a very difficult situation.

Mr. Williams made it quite clear that I was to get out of my contract and report back to work next Monday. I was given two weeks to sort everything out. Two weeks! I had no idea where to start thus I spent much of the first week in my bed avoiding life in general. The thought of just quitting my job at Hachette came into my mind. Yet I knew that I couldn't do that. As much as I wanted to stay in the WWE a little while longer, the more I thought about it, I couldn't imagine staying there forever. Pro-wrestling wasn't my life. It was just something that I had grown attached to. I didn't want to let it go just yet, especially with the way things in my personal life were at the moment.

"Steven and I are still working on the bastard known as our boss," Danielle pleaded into the phone, goading me into having a false sense of hope. "You're going to be able to stay longer. Count on me."

"I don't know what to believe anymore," I muttered as I looked over at the phone on my end table.

"You need to have a little faith," Danielle said, her voice reverberating throughout my small bedroom. "And you also need to get dressed because Steven and I are going to be there in an hour to get you."

"Think again," I muttered sarcastically.

"You are going out with us tonight even if I have to come over there and drag your ass out of bed," Danielle attested loudly.

"Alright, alright… just keep your voice down," I said with a groan as I threw my pillow over my head to block out the sound.

"That is what you get for putting me on speaker phone in that little closet you call a bedroom," she said in a softer tone. "Why don't you take some of your newfound WWE wealth and get a bigger place? Or better yet, make up with your boyfriend and move to Canada with him."

"First off, Adam lives in _Florida_," I said as I pulled the pillow from my face. "Secondly, that is so not going to happen, especially now that I pretty much am an ex-Diva and have to somehow explain myself and pray to God that he understands. And finally, I have yet to touch any of my salary and I'm not going to start now."

"What?" Danielle asked in a shocked tone.

"I know. It's hard to believe that Adam would ever leave Canada," I mused even though I knew that that comment was not the one she was referring to.

"Very funny," Danielle replied flatly. "But I was addressing the fact that you have yet to spend any of your money! Are you insane?"

"It doesn't belong to me," I reasoned. "Well_, it does_, but I don't deserve it. I am still being paid by Hachette and the WWE's contract salary just feels like dirty money."

"You earned that contract," Danielle exclaimed, making me cover my ears because of the volume. "Maybe things weren't exactly on the up and up, but nevertheless you deserved it."

"I'm not going to spend the money, so you can stop preaching," I said with a sigh. "I plan on giving it back to Mr. McMahon when I have to try and explain this whole assignment to him."

"I can just picture that conversation," Danielle muttered with a small chuckle. "But that's enough talking for now. Get out of bed, take a shower, and get into some fresh clothes. We'll be by to pick you up in a little bit."

"Can you at least tell me what you have planned?" I asked with a defeated sigh as I knew that there was no sense reasoning with her.

"Bye Nami."

I groaned and rolled over to disconnect the call. I didn't exactly know what Danielle had planned but knew well enough not to stay in bed. She really would just drag me out of bed as I was and expect me to go outside. I grabbed my robe and headed toward my bathroom.

_"Tell me what you thought about  
__When you were gone…"_

"Stop calling Adam," I muttered to myself as I shut my bathroom door. "I don't know what to say to you yet."

Adam had called countless times since out brief conversation on Monday morning. I wanted to pick up, but I just couldn't muster the courage or the strength to talk with him. He deserved to know the truth months ago, and now that the shit really had hit the fan, I knew that not telling him was a mistake. He and Jeff were my support system for so many months, and now I needed them more than ever. But I couldn't just run to them and hope that they would understand. _I _didn't even understand.

My shower was not nearly as relaxing as I thought it would have been. It didn't ease any of my tension and just made me dread the night to come. I knew that my friends meant well, but I really wasn't up to going out. I was barely up to even get out of bed.

I got out of the shower and dried myself off before pulling my robe back on. I dried my hair and walked out of the room and over to my closet. Since Danielle gave me zero details as to the plans for the evening, I was stuck on what type of outfit to wear. I was about to just wear a pair of loose sweats and my Rated-R Superstar sweatshirt, yet that outfit would just be a constant reminder of things to come. Things that I was dreading with all of my heart. I decided on a knee length black silk skirt, a crème v-neck sweater, and black leather boots. I felt like it was a safe choice for whatever the night held. As soon as I was finished applying a light coat of makeup, I heard my front door open.

"You better be out of bed!"

I laughed at Danielle's annoyed tone and stepped out of my bedroom.

"I so regret ever giving you a key," I said with a small smile.

"It lives!" Steven said jokingly as he came over to give me a friendly hug.

"Yes, surprise, surprise," I muttered as we pulled back. "Now, can you please tell me where we are going and why I look so overdressed?"

"You look great," Danielle said, clad in a t-shirt and jeans. "And like I said… it is a surprise!"

"_Tell me what you thought about…"_

"Oh my God! Can't he take a hint?" I whined as I walked back to my room to silence the call.

"You can't avoid him forever," Danielle said with a weird grin, as I put my cell phone into my purse.

"I know, but I just can't deal with reality right now," I muttered. "I would like to live in my dream world a little while longer."

"Sorry to break up this Hallmark moment, but we have to go if we are going to make it on time with the traffic," Steven said. I looked at both of my friends with quizzical glances.

"Traffic?"

* * *

"Why are we getting off here?"

"Just trust me."

I sighed and looked out of the window as all of the cars whizzed by us. Danielle was driving with Steven in the passenger's seat. I lounged on the backseat bench and tried to figure out why we were getting off at the Medowlands exit. It wasn't football season and I doubted that there were any outdoor concerts this time of year. So that ruled out Giants Stadium. My friends knew that I hated basketball and hockey so there was no way we were going to the arena. And I prayed that they didn't think I was in the mood to sit around for a few hours and watch a horse show and jousting at Medieval Times. Sure, I could get into that weird, nerdy type of dinner theater most nights, but this was not one of them.

"Okay, let me ask this question one more time," I muttered through gritted teeth. "Where the fuck are we going?"

"Patience is a virtue," Steven said in a sing-song voice.

"Yeah, one that I don't have," I replied flatly as we finally had made it through the exit and were now waiting in another line of cars. I groaned and leaned my head back against the glass.

_"Holding my last breath,  
__Safe inside…"_

I reached into my bag and silenced the call.

"Who was that?" Steven asked as he turned around in his seat to face me.

"Jay," I muttered as I let my eyes fall shut in an effort to relax.

"Can I ask the reason for that tone?" Steven asked. "You don't even like Evanescence."

"I'm guessing you don't watch TNA that much," I said, even though I must admit that I only watched to see him. "His entrance is an instrumental version of the chorus of that song."

"I knew it always sounded familiar," Danielle said with a laugh.

"Yeah, but that isn't even my weirdest tone," I said with a laugh, feeling much better just by speaking about my friends. With my world still in darkness, I felt like I could open my eyes and everything would just be a dream. Doubt it would happen, but it was nice to think. "Shannon programmed Barbie Girl as his ID."

"Shannon Moore?" Steven asked.

"How many other Shannons do I know?" I asked with a short chuckle.

"That'll be eight dollars miss."

I opened my eyes and saw that we had arrived at our presumed destination for the night: the Continental Airlines Arena.

"There better be a concert going on tonight or you two are so dead," I said as Danielle paid the parking fee and pulled into the almost full lot.

"Will you calm down babe?" Steven asked with a comforting grin. "Have we ever steered you wrong before… wait, don't answer that question."

Danielle parked the car and the three of us started our long trek to the arena's doors. I looked at the other people walking around us, but couldn't exactly tell what was going on tonight just by the crowd. Everyone was bundled up in their winter coats and hustling to get into the heat of the arena. Yet the average person in attendance was male, seemingly slightly inebriated, and in their twenties... maybe thirties. I felt like I could be going to a WWE event. We trudged up the cement steps and went through the doors.

"Finally! We thought you'd never show up!"

I followed the sound of my cousin Drew's voice and turned to my side. To say that I was surprised was an understatement as I looked at the congregation of my family members. But one figure stood out among them and it wasn't just because he was six foot five.

"What's going on here?" I asked as the three of us walked over to the group.

"What's going on is _someone_ doesn't know how to pick up her phone," Adam said with a grin as he pulled me into an embrace and kissed me lightly on the cheek.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked as I turned to look at my two friends. It was obvious that they had known about this. I didn't know how, but honestly I didn't know how Adam had planned any of this. But that was the wonder of him.

"Surprise," Danielle said softly with a small smile. She knew that I really didn't want to have to deal with confronting Adam yet.

"Alright, now that they are here… let's go!" Drew exclaimed impatiently as he headed toward the escalator, ticket in hand.

My friends and family, which consisted of everyone that Adam had met at Thanksgiving, walked in front of us. Adam reached over and grasped my gloved hand in his own.

"Do I even want to know how you planned this?" I asked with a laugh.

"It has been planned for awhile… before our breakup," he said as he turned to look at me through his sunglass-clad eyes. "It was supposed to be an early anniversary present. I got all of the phone numbers from your cell when you were at the ring with Jeff one night. The rest was easy."

"Easy?" I said with an incredulous look. "You called up my family members who you barely know and invited them to what I am assuming to be a Devils game."

"You are correct," he said with a grin as he unzipped his coat to reveal a Devils jersey underneath. I couldn't believe that this was happening. This was definitely not how I expected to be spending my night. He pulled something out of his inner coat pocket and handed it to me: a Devils jersey. "For you... hopefully it will give you a little team spirit."

"This is insane, you know that right?" I said as he showed both of our tickets to the scanner.

"This isn't insane," Adam said as the two of us got onto the escalator. "What _is _insane however is the fact that _you_ have been avoiding my calls all week. At least I should feel relieved that it's not just me you're hiding from as Jeff actually called _me_ to ask if I had spoken to you. Now, you know that there has to be something wrong with that picture."

"I just…" I wanted to tell him the truth and thought about doing it right at that moment. But I wanted my confession to be a little more personal. Besides, I really didn't want to ruin the night before it had even begun. "I just needed some time to myself."

"It still would have been nice to be clued in," he said as we stepped off of the moving stairs and followed the pack of familiar faces to our section.

"I'm sorry… for everything," I murmured softly, apologizing to him not only for the lack of communication but as a pre-admission of guilt.

"No need beautiful," Adam said as he stopped walking and took my other hand in his. "So, I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty of not telling your family about… well, _you know_."

"That's perfectly fine," I said with a smile. "After doing all of this, they would probably kill me if they found out."

"I'd protect you," he said with a smug grin.

"Yeah well, hopefully there will be no need for protecting," I said with a laugh as we began to walk once more. "Just curious, but how long have you all been waiting? I hope things weren't awkward with you being alone with my family."

"No more awkward than having to call them to plan this whole thing," he said.

"That's true," I remarked as he showed the usher our tickets. We were led down to our seats.

"These seats are phenomenal," Drew exclaimed as Adam and I walked into our row.

Adam had procured twelve seats: six in the front row and six directly behind. I had no clue how he did it, but I had to believe that his celebrity status had something to do with it. The closest I had ever been to this much ice action was at the _Disney on Ice_ shows my father took me to when I was younger. I sat in my front row seat next to Adam and my father. Drew was seated next to Adam with my Uncle Bob and Aunt Nancy next to him respectively. Behind my father was Steven, followed by Danielle, my other cousins Nick and Tom, my Aunt Emily, and finally my Aunt Roberta. I knew that they were all probably here because they wanted to see Adam as not many of us were hockey fans. He certainly had made quite a first impression and he was still living up to it.

I pulled off my gloves and coat and got settled in my seat. Drew and Adam started chatting away about the upcoming game which was against the Toronto Maple Leafs. Talk about coincidence, even though Adam stresses that he is a Devils fan at heart. I guess I had to believe him by his choice of attire and his present. I swiveled around in my seat and glared at my two friends.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" I asked softly so Adam couldn't hear over his conversation. My father chuckled softly yet was halted when my glance shifted to him.

"You wouldn't have come if we did," Danielle said with a laugh. I was about to respond when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Hey, we're going to get some food. You guys want anything?" Drew asked as he and Adam stood up from their seats. A few orders were shouted at tham and I just looked up at Adam with a smile. I really wasn't hungry for anything.

"No beer for you," Adam said jokingly as he lightly ruffled my hair.

"And why pre tell would that be?" Steven asked with a grin on his face.

"Don't answer that," I said with a grin of my own.

"I'll only say two words," he said as he turned from me to look at my friends. "Randy Orton."

With that, the two of them departed, as I heard rumblings of an explanation being given to Drew. It was sort of irritating how Adam got along so well with Drew, whom I really wasn't the biggest fan of. But I was happy that he was fitting in, so I would take what I could get.

"You have anything to say for yourself?" Danielle asked. I looked from them to my father.

"I plead the fifth," I murmured as I looked back to Danielle.

"I will get the story out of you somehow," she said with a sly grin. "You can count on that."

"Whatever," I muttered as I turned to look at the whole group. "Can I speak to everyone for a moment?"

"Of course sweetie," my Aunt Roberta said with a smile.

"Alright," I said with an exhale. "I just wanted to ask… no more like _beg_ of you all not to do anything remotely embarrassing. I do that enough myself."

"Don't sweat it Mimi," Tom said. "We'll just be ourselves."

"Please don't," I said with a chuckle. "I _really_ like this guy."

"You talking about me?" Adam asked with a grin as he and Drew made their way back through the row.

"Damn, that was fast," Nick said as he grabbed a beer from Adam.

"It's easy to get service when you're famous," Drew said as he handed out some of their purchased provisions. "He takes the sunglasses off and people part like the Red Sea… well after the rush of madness to get an autograph."

"Happy I missed it," I murmured as Adam passed my father a drink before sitting back down in his seat.

"Share a soft pretzel?" Adam asked with a cute smile.

"Sure," I answered.

Yet before I could pull a piece of the pretzel off, Adam leaned over and captured my lips in his own. I knew that he was most likely still in some pain. But after everything he had done tonight, he deserved whatever he desired. I heard a roaring cheer break out among the crowd and pulled away as I thought that the game was about to begin. In reality, the shout of approval was because our little lip lock was flashed up on the screen.

"Got to love being famous," Adam muttered with a grin as he took a bite out of the pretzel after the image of us left the screen. I sank a little lower in my seat and glared at him.

"Very funny."

* * *

"We are still in this!"

I rolled my eyes and wished that the game would just end already. After leading for most of the game, the Devils fell apart at the end and almost lost the game. They were able to tie up the score and send it into overtime. I could barley last through the regular periods. Adam and Drew would not shut up the whole game. It was driving me into madness.

"We are still going to pull through cause we're playing the Maple Leafs," Drew said as he tried to rally the section.

"The _Devils _are playing the Maple Leafs," I said as I looked around Adam to talk to Drew. I was sick of hearing all this "we" garbage all night. "You… I'm sorry, but I don't think you made the team."

"Maybe not, but…"

"But _we_ are not playing," I said in a frustrated tone, partially since he had kept most of Adam's attention tonight. "We have just been sitting here for over two hours eating and drinking while you two pretend that you know so much more than the actual coach."

"Sounds about right," Drew said with a grin as he and Adam shared a laugh.

"Aw, come on beautiful," Adam said with a quick kiss. "Admit that you're having a good time and you will feel much better."

"I _am_ having a good time," I said with a sigh. "But after seeing someone carted off on a stretcher and countless players slamming into the glass in front of me... it can't help but put a slight damper on the evening."

In the second period of the game, one of the Maple Leafs players was hit pretty late and needed to be taken off of the ice on a stretcher. What was even more amazing was that there was no penalty called. Even Adam and Drew admitted that it was a horrible call, yet still thought that the Devils deserved to win.

"Mimi, you're a wrestler," Nick said as he playfully shoved me from behind. "Pain and injuries are a daily occurrence in your line of work."

"Not really," Drew answered before I could respond. "The last wrestler really injured was… Triple H, I think."

"_Not really_," I said, repeating Drew's phrase and tone. "_Someone _fractured his jaw last week."

"Oh God," my Aunt Emily exclaimed. "Is he okay?"

"Ask him yourself," I said as I gestured to the man sitting next to me.

"It's not that serious," Adam answered with a smile. "The missus over here just likes to blow things way out of proportion. I just need to take a few weeks off."

"So we won't be seeing your handsome mug on our television sets for a while?" my Aunt Roberta asked.

"I'm still going to be on the broadcasts… just not competing," he responded with a grin.

"That's good," she replied with a smile. "You two will still be able to travel together."

"She won't be able to get rid of me _that_ easy."

* * *

"Exciting game, wasn't it?"

"I guess… still not a big hockey fan. No matter how many Devils jerseys you buy me."

Adam laughed at my response and pulled me closer to him as we walked out of the arena. The game had ended in a shootout with the Maple Leafs coming out on top. I thought it was fitting, seeing how they lost one of their players and came back to win it for him. Drew and Adam didn't see it that way. But seeing how Adam grew up right outside of Toronto, I could tell he wasn't all too upset by the loss.

"I want to thank you again for everything tonight," I said softly as Adam and I walked hand in hand in front of my two friends.

We had parted ways with my family inside the arena and were now heading to our respective cars. Adam, being the gentleman that he was, said that he would walk me to the car. I knew that he also wanted to spend more time with me and I couldn't help but feel a little guilty. I had to tell him tonight. I didn't know how or when, but I needed to do it.

"No need to thank me," Adam said with a slight chuckle. "I had fun and I'm happy that you came. After a whole week of _wondering_ if you were even going to show, everything seemingly went perfect tonight… well besides the Devils losing."

"Yeah… perfect," I muttered flatly. He raised his eyebrows at my tone but I just shook my head in response. Not the right time to tell him.

"So you are going to be back on Monday, right?"

I had been dreading that question all night, trying to figure out the best way to go about things. I knew that he was giving me the opening to talk, but I didn't know if I wanted to take it. I pulled my coat closer around my body in the cold and tried to think of a reply.

"Yes," I said hesitantly, but knew that it was now or never. "But not for the show."

"Vince still has you out hurt?" Adam asked in a frustrated tone. "That doesn't make sense. I…"

"No, Adam," I said cutting off his statement as the four of us made it to Danielle's car. "Vince has nothing to do with it."

"Then what?" he asked slightly concerned. I snuck a look at my friends who just shrugged their shoulders. I knew that I couldn't hide any longer and come what may, I had to tell him. "Is something wrong? Because if you're…"

"I'm quitting the WWE!"

Adam's expression changed from concern to confusion. He stared in my eyes, hoping to find some answers and I fought the urge to cry. I looked away from him to Danielle and Steven standing behind. They looked totally out of place and were trying to find a way to leave, even though we were near the car. They knew that I had some explaining to do and didn't want to interfere.

"Yes… we're coming," Danielle said as she pulled Steven off to an imaginary person that they needed to talk to. She was never good at making an exit.

"You're quitting?" Adam asked softly as he leaned against a lamppost nearby.

"It's really not as simple as it sounds," I said, my voice slightly wavering from the cold and the emotion running through me. I moved so that I was standing right in front of him. I didn't want to hide from him any longer. I couldn't _bear it_ any longer.

"Maybe," Adam said before he drifted off into his own thoughts. "Make me understand."

I didn't know where to start. Should I start from the beginning and tell him everything? Or should I work my way up to it and start out slow?

"Did something happen that made you want to leave?" Adam asked in an aggravated tone.

"I'm not doing this on my own volition," I said as I turned away from him. Maybe looking in his eyes wasn't the best thing to do. I felt my heart breaking in my chest when I saw his distress. "Some outstanding circumstances have come back into play and…"

Adam spun me back around and brought his hand underneath my chin. I was forced to stare into his eyes once more.

"Level with me Nam," he pleaded.

I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to formulate a sentence. He deserved to know the truth. But after so long of living a lie, it was hard for me to discern what the truth really was. It was like the lie that my life in the WWE once was had now become my real life… my truth.

"When I entered the Diva Search… I sort of… already had a job," I confessed quietly as I slowly opened my eyes. I stayed quiet for a moment and tried to figure out what to say next.

"Okay?" he said, in a questioning tone. "Don't really see a problem there."

Oh, if he only knew.

"Well… I never really stopped working," I said with a nervous chuckle. I needed to choose my next words very carefully. "And now, I need to go back… fulltime."

Adam let his hand drop from my face and spun around, running his hand through his hair. I knew that it might have sounded like a bullshit excuse, but it really was the truth. He took a few moments to collect himself before turning back around to face me.

"You can't just walk away because you feel like returning to your regular life," Adam spat angrily. "And I'm sorry if tonight's events played into this decision of yours but…"

"It didn't Adam!" I exclaimed as I tried to keep my voice level. "Like I said… I don't want to leave, but my hand is being forced."

I knew that I was equivocating throughout my whole confession. I felt like if I told him enough of the truth with the idea of telling him everything floating around in my head, I wasn't totally in the wrong. It wasn't helping much with my emotions.

"Well, it seems pretty simple to me," he said, as he came over and took my hand lightly in his. "Just quit your other job! See? _Real simple_."

"No, it's really not," I said as I pulled my hand free and walked a slight distance away from him. My heart might have belonged to him, but it didn't belong to the business. "I wish it was… because I would… I would choose the WWE. I would choose _you_ in a heartbeat. But… I can't pretend to be something I am not anymore."

I took a deep breath as I realized what needed to be done.

"This was never my dream. I never wanted this life. _This_… right here is my life," I said as I gestured around me, still trying to avoid his gaze. "Hanging out with my friends and family is where I belong, not hardly ever being home and living on the road."

"Sacrifices have to be made to do something you love," Adam stated as he tried his best to keep his anger in check.

"Are you even listening to me?" I asked slightly angered myself. "I don't love wrestling! I never did… still don't really."

"Then why go through all of the pain and punishment and _time_ to do something you despise?" Adam asked as I turned back to face him.

"My boss… my _real _boss said that I needed more 'life experience'," I reasoned, not really liking the answer myself.

"So you just decided one morning to go out and become a WWE Diva?" Adam asked sarcastically. "Sounds like some great _life experience. _I think he meant more along the lines of a long road trip or spending a month in another country."

"No… you just don't get it," I said, shaking my head slowly. I knew the main reason was because I still wasn't being totally forthright with him. "He was the one who actually suggested I do it. I don't think he expected me to make it so far. I know _I_ didn't."

"So this was the reason you were always pushing me away?" he asked as he walked over and grasped my wrists tightly in his hands. "This was the reason you were always so emotional about every little thing?"

"Adam, believe me. I wanted to tell you the truth but…"

"There are no buts Nami!" Adam roared as I flinched at his tone. "What happened to _complete honesty_, huh? Was this another reason that you decided you needed a break? Couldn't stand lying to my face any longer?"

"Please Adam, just listen…"

"No, you listen," he exclaimed as he tossed my arms away like he had been burned by my touch. "I have been mooning over you for months. And all this time, I thought that _I_ was the one holding our relationship back. You might've walked out, but I always thought that it was my fault. But now I learn that it never had anything to do with me and my misgivings. This is about you! This was always all about you!"

"I know that…"

"You stand before me and I hardly know you," he said before I could get a full sentence out. I felt the first few tears slip from my eyes. This was not how I wanted this to go, but I should have known it was coming. I knew that I deserved it all. "Where is the woman who I would've followed to the end of the Earth? You aren't her! She wouldn't tell me that everything I have come to believe and trust these last few months has been a lie!"

"That's not true!" I exclaimed hastily. He shut his mouth and I knew that he was going to give me a moment to speak. "I know that what I did is pretty unforgivable, but… I never meant to fall in love. Maybe gain some new knowledge, but never fall in love. But I did… with you."

I was expecting a hasty comeback, but it never came. He became silent... pensive. I knew that my words touched him, but at the moment, he was probably too hurt to let them all in.

"I uh… I need some time... to think all of this through."

"I understand… and Adam," I said softly as he turned to walk away. "Please know that… I never meant to hurt you."

"I know," he muttered without turning back toward my way.

I watched as he walked away, brushing the tears from my cheeks and eyes. I just stared, watching his retreating form and wished that I could go back in time. Maybe I would have done things differently and told him from the start. I stood in silence and didn't know what to do. In my mind, I kept thinking that he would turn back around and tell me that he could care less about everything I had just said and that he loved me. But those happy endings only happened in fantasy.

"You okay?" Danielle asked as she put her hand on my shoulder. I hoped that they had been far enough away as not to hear the whole conversation that just transpired.

"No," I muttered truthfully.

"I take it that you told him everything," she said as I turned toward her for Adam's silhouette was long gone.

"_Mostly_ everything," I replied. "I left the part about the story out. It's not like anything is going to come of it anyway. Its rebuttal was the reason for my confession after all."

"Either way, he did deserve to know," Steven said as he came to stand on my other side.

"Steven!" Danielle said as she reached over to lightly slap him on the arm.

"It's all right Dani," I said with a sigh as I walked over to lean against her car. "I brought this upon myself. I just… I don't know how I'm going to face him on Monday."

"Just go in and tell Vince the same story you told Adam and leave," Danielle said with a small smile. "Avoid everyone else, especially Adam."

"It's not going to be that simple," I muttered.

"Why?" Steven asked.

I took a deep breath and thought about all of the reasons why. My budding friendships with a lot of the wrestlers was one. Melina, Randy, John, Shannon, Matt... what would they all think? Of course there was my beloved best friend who I was going to have to leave behind or try and explain things to. I only hoped that that conversation would end a little better than my one with Adam had. Hopefully, he and Jeff were really total opposites and things would work out fine with him. And then there was the day itself. Why did it have to be then?

"Monday isn't just another day of work. It's… it was our four month anniversary."


	39. Present's Just A Pleasant Interruption

_A.N. - Normal Disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. This chapter contains dialogue and matches from the 3/5/07 Raw broadcast. Thanks to everyone who has read, added, and reviewed. "XtremeGirl619", "68 stones from a broken heart", "Farra Sti", "Hatter-Zombie", and "Inday" - tanki tanki for your great reviews. They always help me keep writing and make my muse continue to inspire me. Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

I sprinted down the ramp as quick as I could. I just prayed that I didn't trip as I was just in my street clothes:a khaki knee length skirt, blue sweater, and suede boots. I didn't have time to get changed. I barely made it to the arena on time. Vince wasn't all that happy, but I explained that it was beyond my control. He was still upset, but happy that at least I made it for my part in Jeff's match. 

I felt my boot slightly catch on the mat at the bottom of the ramp, but was able to use the momentum to fall against the ring. I saw that Umaga was right about to run at Jeff whom was lying against the ring post. I took it as my cue to pull him out of the way just in the nick of time. The ref rang the bell because of my interference and Umaga looked down at the two of us on the outside of the ring. I knelt down next to Jeff and locked my gaze on Umaga. He didn't seem sated with his victory, but when the ref handed him his belt, he forgot all about us.

"I didn't think you'd show."

I looked over at Jeff and smiled. I got to my feet and helped him stand. He threw his arm over my shoulder and pretended to lean his weight on me. We slowly made our way up the ramp.

"I had some things I needed to take care of back home," I said truthfully with a smile.

"Everything all right?" he asked as we made it to the top of the stage.

"Not perfect, but as good as it can probably get," I said with a sigh. "I'll tell you about it later… we _really_ need to talk."

"That's a shocker since you have been pretty much M.I.A. since last week," he said jokingly. "I was getting worried."

"I guess we're even then," I said, as I remembered his little disappearing act a month ago. It was surreal that that was only a month ago. To me, it seemed like a lifetime. But to be honest, even last Friday seemed like it had been ages.

We made it through the curtain and Jeff pulled his arm off of me. We walked through the gorilla position and back down the steps into the hallway. I still couldn't believe that I was actually here. It had been long day and it still wasn't over. I was going to be slightly interfering in the Women's Championship Falls Count Anywhere match. I needed to hustle back to the Divas locker room to get prepped.

"I have to jet, but do you think that we could meet up later?" I asked with a small smile as I turned to look at my best friend.

"Of course darlin'," he said with a grin. "I'll call when I get back to the hotel."

I nodded and pulled him into a quick hug before hastily making my way to the Divas locker room. I had to just keep my mind on the broadcast tonight. There would be time for confessions and reflection later. Now it was all about my work, seeing as it was the only job I had.

* * *

_Twelve hours previous…  
__9:27 am Eastern Standard Time_

_"__What's this Shepherd?"_

_I sighed __and pushed the paper across Mr. Williams's __desk. He looked down at it and his face turned into a mask of confusion. I had debated this heavily and knew that I was making the right decision. In my mind, it was the only decision I could make._

_"__You gave me two weeks to quit my story," I said with some confidence in my tone. "Well, I am now giving you mine."_

_"You can't just quit," he said as he regarded my letter of resignation in front of him._

_"I believe I just did," I said with a small smile._

_It wasn't so much of a spontaneous decision as one of integrity. Mr. Wi__lliams had said himself that this assignment would help me "learn something about myself". And I could definitely say that I had. I learned that I couldn't just give up on something and needed to fight to get what__ I wanted. I knew what I wanted and now was the time to go out and get it._

_"I __need no__t remind you that you are not really a professional wrestler," Mr. Williams said with a small chuckle. "You have done well playing the part, but that is not you… and I know that you know that as well."_

_"You're right. I'm not a professional wrestler," I said, looking directly into my former boss's eyes. "I'm a writer. And that is what I plan on doing. I know that I no longer have the sponsorship for my story, but it doesn't matter. I could care less if it ever gets published or even read. This is something I have to do for myself."_

_"I don't understand you Shepherd," he said with a shake of his head. "You had all the time in the world to do your story. Yet you spent it on personal pleasure and…"_

_"I am not saying that I would have done anything differently!" I exclaimed as I rose from my chair. "Actually… I probably would have. __I would have been honest with my friends before I got too involved."_

_"Your friends?" he asked with a sarcastic laugh. "__You are quite delusional, aren't you? These friends of yours will drop you the moment they find out the truth. If there is one thing I know about your new occupation, it is that they take themselves a little too seriously. __They actually consider what they do to be entertaining and a real business. When they find out that one of their own is actually more or less nothing but a spy… well, let's just say I wouldn't count on exchanging Christmas cards next year."_

_"__I know that it will be a lot to ask, but you don't know them," I said as I clutched the back of my previous seat for strength. I was surprised that I was doing so well. No note cards were even needed; I was just speaking from my heart._

_"And you do?" he asked flatly, sounding more like a statement than an actual question._

_"I would like to believe that I do," I said boldly. "And if I don't, I plan on taking the time to find out."_

_I turned around and was about to leave. There was nothing more that I needed to say to him. He had my resignation and I wasn't assigned any new projects, so the two weeks notice was more like a grace period. I didn't know exactly what would become of my decision yet I figured that after my story was complete, I would find work elsewhere. There were many other publishing firms throughout the country that might be in need of my services._

_"Just answer me this,"__ Mr. Williams asked as my hand grasped the doorknob leading to my freedom. I halted my departure but didn't turn to face the sitting tyrant. __"How do you plan on being honest with your 'friends' if you plan on continuing your story?"_

_I had thought of that predicament. I hadn't told Adam about the story because I knew that I really couldn't. I wanted to… more than anything.__ But the main reason for me returning, even though my heart wanted to believe it was for my friends, was to finish what I had started. I was there for a purpos__e and I had lost sight of that._

_"Talk to me Shepherd," he said softly. _

_I gripped the doo__rknob tightly and flung it open. I had had enough of him and all his politics. Did he forget that he was the one who wanted me to do this? And now, he just wanted me to walk away. What kind of writer would I be if I just quit without a chance to finish my piece?_

_"Everything I have to say to you I could say with one finger."_

* * *

"You heading to the hotel?" 

I looked up and smiled as Maria joined me on the couch in the Divas' locker room. Melina and Mickie's match was over and only the main event remained. Melina had ended up picking up the victory after an almost ten minute battle throughout the arena. When the two came back to the Divas' locker room during the match, Melina and I got into a little altercation, after Victoria came by to restrain Mickie from doing any damage. It was a very hectic and sloppy match, not just outside of the ring but in it as well. Melina had come back from the match close to tears because she thought that it was horrible. I wouldn't go that far, but it was definitely far from perfect.

"I think I'm going to stay for the last match," I responded as I turned back to look at the monitor.

"Oh, okay," she said with a smile. "Just was going to offer a ride."

I smiled at her offer. I hadn't had time to rent a car this morning. I barely had time to get a flight. I was just lucky that one fit my schedule and was actually available. Sure, I had to pay top dollar to sit in first class so I could arrive in Phoenix on time. But it was worth it.

"Thanks though," I said. She got up to get her bag and I had an idea. "Hey… are you busy tomorrow?"

"I was going to go visit Phil at the Smackdown taping," she said as her face lit up. I had sort of forgotten about her relationship, probably because mine was so fucked up. "Why don't you come with? I'm going to be driving to Tucson and could sure use the company… even though it is only a two hour drive."

"Sure… I'll come," I said happily.

It would give me a great opportunity to start my story. I figured that it would be easy to start with the Divas and Superstars that I was actually comfortable speaking with. Maria would be the first in a long line of people that I would need to get to know before my time in the WWE was complete.

"Great!" she said as she hauled her bag on her shoulder. "I'll call you tomorrow morning. I was figuring about leaving around noon, if that is alright with you?"

"It's perfect," I answered as I heard Adam's music emanate from the monitor.

I turned away from her and watched as he walked down the ramp. Luckily, I had yet to see him personally backstage. I was trying my best to avoid the trio whom I used to share a locker room with. I didn't know if Adam had told either of them anything and didn't really want to find out. I knew that I would have to face them sooner or later… I just prayed that it was later.

"Get a good night's sleep and I'll see you tomorrow," she said as she put her hand on my shoulder in a parting gesture.

"You too, babe," I said as I turned to flash her a smile.

"I'll leave you and your husband in peace," Maria said as she exited the room.

I laughed slightly at her comment. As soon as the door had shut, my expression changed from jovial to depressed. All of the other Divas had left for the night or were no longer present in the locker room. The sound of 'Metalingus' reverberated throughout the room and I shut my eyes in contemplation. I still didn't know what to say to him as I made it quite clear that I was leaving on Friday night. I had even told him that I disliked wrestling, which wasn't far from the truth. I didn't know if I would be able to talk my way out of that one.

_"Cena, I'm so ready to kick__ the hell out of you right now," _Adam yelled into a microphone as he stood on the outside of the ring.

John was standing in the center waiting for his advertised bout with the Rated-R Superstar. Adam was on the outside in his ring attire, but was flanked by all three members of MNM. I knew that there was no way that Adam would be wrestling tonight. Because of his injury, he was restricted from in-ring matches until Wrestlemania. Whether he would actually follow that ruling was yet to be seen.

"_B__ut I'm als__o a huge Civil Rights Activist," _Adam said as John looked on in disbelief. "_And Arizona happens to be one of the last states that recognized Martin Luther King __Day__. I'm Canadian. I'm colorblind, so I can't pe__rform in front of these bigots."_

I knew it was only a matter of time before the Canadian excuse came out. It was like Edge's failsafe, even though Adam was known to use it as well. I laughed as John looked down at Adam in bewilderment. It was quite comical that this was the way that they were having Adam duck out of the match. I could only imagine what would be in store for next week if the race card had already been played.

_"Oh yeah, it's true," _Adam said both to the crowd and the confused champ. "_Yeah, unfortunately for you, Johnny Nitro's great __great__ g__randmother happens to be black."_

John's expression turned from confusion to disbelief at the fact that this was actually happening. The crowd didn't seem to take to it that well either. Not like I could blame them. It was advertised as being Edge vs. John Cena, which would have been a stellar match… not that I am criticizing Nitro in any way. But I know that I would be quite upset if the main event was changed without my knowledge. Adam's injury had yet to go public. I didn't know if it ever would, even though after a few more broadcasts of him not wrestling, people would talk.

_"And he demanded… shut up!" _Adam said as looked from Cena to address the crowd. "_A__nd Johnny Nitro demanded to beat you down tonight. Go get him Nitro. Go get '__em__."_

Adam put his microphone down on the announce table as the three members of MNM put their heads together in a symbol of unity. I knew that Melina and John were still not on the same page, but they were totally professional when it came wrestling. They were not going to spilt up the group just because of their personal business. I doubted Vince would let them anyway.

I watched the match in silence. It turned more into a beat down as both Mercury and Adam joined in on attacking John. Nitro was disqualified, but that didn't stop the three men from beating on the champ. Cheers were heard throughout the arena as John's salvation came in the form of the Heartbreak Kid. Yet he stopped and was about to head back up the ramp before deciding to help his tag team partner and Wrestlemania adversary.

I decided to hang around the empty locker room a little longer. I wanted to give some_ certain_ Superstars a chance to collect themselves and leave. I didn't know how I was going to make it back to the hotel, but figured that I could always call a taxi. Did they even have taxis in Phoenix? I figured that they must. I got all of my stuff together as not much was taken from my bag. I never got changed from my normal attire so there was nothing to return to wardrobe.

I pulled my journal from my bag and opened it. Flipping through the pages, I tried to convince myself that I made the right decision. I had probably cost myself a good promotion in the company by throwing a hissy fit and leaving. But I didn't like Mr. Williams's ultimatum as well as his tone when he discussed my assignment. It was just hard to let it go. Writing was my dream profession and I gave it up for a fantasy that couldn't last forever.

* * *

_9:58 AM (Eastern Standard Time)_

_"So, what happened?"_

_"__What do you think?"_

_It was more of a statement than a question and Danielle was able to surmise how my conversation with Mr. Williams went. __I continued to pack a few personal __items from my desk away in a box. I had just called all three of the major airports in the area and found out that there was one flight to Phoenix but it was four hours from now. That was going to have to do as I had a __Raw__ broadcast to get to._

_"You really did it?" Danielle asked as she took a seat in my former office. "You actually quit?"_

_"What else could I have done __Dani__?"__ I asked i__n a frustrated tone as I threw a few books in the box. __"He left me no choice. I needed to decide between the two and… I couldn't just leave the WWE. Not like this anyway."_

_"When are you planning on it though?" she asked as she handed me a few picture frames from a bookcase behind her. "I mean… you have to have a plan to get out."_

_"Of course I have a plan," I murmured. "I wouldn't just walk out on a guaranteed paycheck if I didn't have one. My contract is up after Backlash. My contract after the Diva Search win was only a developmental one with a promise for a fulltime contract at its completion. Well, I'm just not going to accept it."_

_"You make it sound so easy," Danielle said as she got up to leave me in peace._

_I closed the box and put in on my desk chair. The rest of the stuff in the office didn't hold any personal significance to me. __I knew that I couldn't take my personal belongings with me now, but Danielle would be more than happy to take the box for me. I looked around the small room and smiled sadly. I had loved working at Hachette, but knew in heart I was doing the right thing. There would be other job opportunities like Hachette, but there was only one WWE._

* * *

"I heard that I'm not the only one who is on management's shit list now." 

I turned around and gave a small sarcastic glare to Randy. I guess it didn't matter that I waited almost twenty minutes after the final match. I should have just left with Maria when I had the chance. Randy walked toward me, but stopped a few feet away. I didn't know exactly what he wanted as we both looked like we were getting ready to exit the arena for the night. Yet by the way he was speaking with me, I doubted that Adam had told him about our argument on Friday.

"My flight was delayed," I lied with a small smile. "And besides, I made it on time. No harm, no foul."

"My suspension was months ago and I'm still being punished for it," he said with a grin. "I mean, come on… they have me stuck with your boytoy even though I think I work much better on my own."

"Uh-huh," I said flatly, not returning his joking tone.

"Okay, what's with you tonight?" Randy asked as he came over to stand right in front of me. "Where's the witty or snide comeback?"

"I guess I'm tired," I said as I turned back around and proceeded to continue my trek outside of the arena.

"You sure that that is all that is bothering you?"

"Yes Randy!" I said in frustration as I could sense his presence right on my heels. "I've just had a very long day and still have things to do."

"Just a warning… if any of them have to do with Adam, I'd wait till tomorrow," he said as he came to walk alongside me. "He's been in a permanent bad mood this whole weekend sort of like you right now."

"Any idea why?" I asked, feigning ignorance even though I was pretty sure I knew the answer.

"Don't ask me," he said with a shrug. "I've learned to stay out of his personal life. I mean, I thought _I _had problems?"

He was only joking once more, but I could merely sigh in sadness. It looked like once again I only had made things worse. Randy reached over and put his hand to my forehead. I gave him a quizzical look as he pulled it back.

"No fever, but I'm sure that something is wrong with you," he quipped, earning a quick slap to the stomach. "That's a little better."

In spite of my low morale, I had to laugh. My display of amusement caused a smile to slowly adorn the features of the Legend Killer. As we closed in on the outside of the arena, I knew that I still needed a ride. I had got the number of a cab company, but was figuring that I wouldn't need to use it anymore.

"Did you drive here?" I asked my companion after a few moments of silence.

"Um… yeah?" he said, a little confused by my query.

"Do you think I could bum a ride?" I asked as I shot him a sideways glance. "Didn't exactly get a chance to rent a car."

"Sure babe," he said with a wink. "But don't kid yourself with that bullshit excuse. I know the _real_ reason. You just want to spend more time with yours truly. This whole time you've just been using Adam to get closer to me."

"I see you have finally discovered my master plan," I said with a laugh.

"You couldn't hide from me forever," Randy said. "The only question left is how we're going to break it to him."

We stepped out of the arena's backdoors in laughter and were met with a small gathering of fans. Randy switched back into cold, jackass mode as we both signed a few programs. He never really switched from his character… not that his character was totally fabricated. It was more like a heightened representation of the man himself. But I figured that that was what the fans expected.

"I'll never get used to that," I mused as we walked further into the lot after the signings were done.

"Don't worry," Randy said with a grin. "They were there to see me anyway."

"I don't know how your head is big enough to hold that massive ego of yours," I said with a smile. "Must have a very little brain."

"I must," he said and I knew that my comment would be turned against me. "I am friends with you after all."

"I walked right into that, didn't I?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Oh yeah," he exclaimed and I slightly shoved him from the side with a laugh.

"About time."

My laughter died down as I saw John and Adam leaning up against what I presumed was Randy's rental car. I looked from both of the men. John smiled at me and came over to give me a friendly embrace. Adam looked quite uncomfortable and unwelcoming. I immediately regretted even talking with Randy.

"Sorry Copeland," Randy said he popped the trunk to dispose of our bags. "Your girlfriend was distracting me."

I looked back over to Adam yet could see that he was in no mood to talk. Randy shot me an "I told you so" look before unlocking the door and getting in the driver's seat. John patted me on the shoulder as he headed to the passenger side door.

"Now, no getting hot and heavy in the backseat," he said with a laugh as he opened the door.

"Don't think you'll have to worry about that," I muttered softly as I opened the driver's side back door and got in.

Adam got in on the other side and Randy started the car. The radio blared and I covered my ears to save my hearing. After a few moments, Randy decided to just turn the music off and the car was thrown into silence. No one seemed to want to break it. I sort of wished that he would turn the ear bleeding music back on.

"You going to Puerto Rico on Wednesday?" John asked. The Raw brand was traveling to the Caribbean for a few shows and luckily, I was going to be attending.

"Yeah," I said with a small smile. "Can't wait."

"You ever been there?" he asked, and I could tell that he was just trying to break the tension with small talk.

"A few times," I answered honestly. "Family vacations when I was younger."

"So what was that… two or three years ago?" Randy asked jokingly as he pulled out of the arena's parking lot.

"You really shouldn't talk about age Rand," John said, coming to my defense.

The two of them fell into conversation and I was left once more with the tension radiating from Adam. I needed to try and make things right with him. I thought that if I avoided him, things would get better over time. But fate brought me here for a reason and I wasn't going to waste it.

"So… I quit my job at Hachette," I said, even though I realized that I might have been divulging too much information.

He didn't say anything, but the conversation in the front half of the car stopped. I didn't know what Adam wanted me to do, so I stayed silent. It didn't last very long.

"You still had another job?" Randy asked as he eyed me from the rearview mirror.

"Just drop it," Adam exclaimed as he stole Randy's gaze from within the mirror.

"No, it's alright," I said, knowing that maybe this would show him my sincerity. It would also give me practice before my talk with Jeff that I wanted to have later. "Yeah, I had another job… my original job."

"What's Hach… Hac…" John drifted off as he tried to remember the company's name.

"Hachette Book Group," I said truthfully. "It's a part of Grand Central Publishing. I worked in the New York office."

"What'd you do?" John asked, as I saw Adam actually turn his attention toward me. All of this information was new to him as well.

"I started right out of college," I said with a smile. "Well, I did intern when I was still in school, but got a fulltime job as a production assistant when I received my degree. In my two years there, I moved around quite a bit. My final position was more in the writing department."

"Oh," John said as he was taking in all of the new information. I hoped that he wouldn't catch on too much. "And you never quit?"

"Well," I started as I tried to figure out what to say. "I never actually thought I was going to win; neither did my boss."

"He knew?" Randy asked as he tried to concentrate on both the traffic and our conversation.

"It was actually his idea. I didn't really even want to do the Diva Search," I said truthfully.

"Huh? I don't think I understand you correctly," John said.

"Join the club," Adam scoffed. I stole a glance his way, but he just shrugged his shoulders giving me a stone-like expression. I just sighed and turned back to look toward the front of the car.

"When I signed up for the Diva Search, I was just really starting to work in the writing department fulltime," I said, trying to be as honest as I could with them. "My boss said that he wanted me to have more personal experiences. He wanted me to get a little edge."

"I think you got a lot of _Edge_, if you know what I'm saying," Randy said with a smirk. Happy to be sitting behind his seat, I kicked it… _hard_. "I guess you do."

Adam muttered something under his breath before leaning his head against the glass. I looked over and gave him a small smile. He just shook his head slightly before shutting his eyes. So much for my big gesture. I decided to continue anyway. I had come too far to stop now.

"So, I was given a reprieve from work to enter the competition, but I never dreamed that I would actually win the thing," I said honestly. "But I did and in the end, I had to choose between jobs."

"So why did you choose the WWE?" Adam asked brusquely. I was shocked that he even spoke. "You made it quite clear Friday that you really didn't want anything to do with the business. I thought 'your hand was being forced'."

"It was," I exclaimed as I swiveled myself on the seat so I was looking at just him. "Yet in the end, even though everything I told you was and still is true, I couldn't just leave."

"Your mind seemed pretty made up then," Adam said as he opened his eyes to stare right into mine. "What changed?"

Before I could answer, the car came to a quick jolt of a stop and both Adam and I toppled a little bit forward. We smacked into the backs of the front seats.

"Sorry 'bout that," Randy said as I saw that we were stopped at a red light near our hotel. "Continue on."

It was then that it became painfully obvious that this conversation was getting me nowhere. I couldn't fully plead my case to Adam with others in earshot. And he wasn't too open to listen with his friends nearby.

"I think I've said enough," I muttered softly as I turned back around to face Randy's seat.

"Glad you're still here Nam," John said as he turned around to look my way. I smiled slightly at him before turning to glance at Adam once more. I sure had my work cut out for me.

"Thanks."

* * *

"Are you sure that you aren't busy? We could do this later." 

"Meemz, please. I am always happy to spend time with you."

I smiled as Jeff took a seat next to me on one of the hotel lobby's many couches. I knew that neither of us could hold private conversations in our rooms, so this was the only real option. That or over the phone which I didn't want to do.

"So, I want to talk to you about… well, about my life before the WWE," I said as I tried to figure out where to exactly begin. It seemed that I had been explaining myself a lot lately. This was one of the most important confessions though. I just prayed that everything went alright.

"What about?" he asked quizzically, as he already knew a lot about my personal life.

"I sort of want to talk to you about my professional life," I said as I nervously fidgeted in my seat. I couldn't afford to screw this conversation up. "It's sort of a big part of why I am sitting here right now."

"Now that you mention it, I guess I don't know much about your life after college," he exclaimed with a laugh. "Funny that I never thought about it before."

"Well, I never really wanted to discuss it," I said with a laugh.

"So why bring it up now?" Jeff asked. "We all have secrets. If you didn't want anybody to know…"

"I was still working at another job," I said, cutting off his statement. "I just quit this morning. That was the real reason I was late."

"What did you do?" he asked.

"I worked at a publishing company in New York," I said. I knew that I really didn't need to go into many details in the initial conversation. Hopefully, we would have many more to follow. "It was always a dream of mine to be a Pulitzer Prize winning author. But my boss felt I didn't have enough life experience to be a renowned author. He was probably right. So he suggested… no, that's a lie. He _demanded _that I do the Diva Search to gain a new perspective on things."

"I always wondered why you knew so little about the business when you started," Jeff said with a laugh which was quite a stark contrast to Adam's reaction. But of course, Adam thought that I was leaving the business and I pretty much admitted that I disliked wrestling as a whole. "Was it an easy decision? To quit, I mean."

"Easier than I thought it was going to be," I divulged. "I told Adam on Friday that I was leaving the WWE. He didn't take it too well."

"So that's the reason he's been even more of a bastard than he usually is," Jeff said with a chuckle. "I figured that it probably had something to do with you. I just assumed it was your lack of communication that had him all riled up."

"Yeah, he told me that you even called him," I said in a lighthearted tone. "You that desperate to talk to me?"

"Well," he said with a small nod. "The last time we talked we were dealing with some pretty personal issues. I just wanted to maybe pick up things where we left off. Speaking of which, I…"

"Wait a second," I said, holding up my hand to halt his speech. "If we could get back to the reason I called for this little meeting. I just want to make sure that we are okay. I don't want things to be…"

I didn't get to finish my statement as Jeff leaned over and captured my lips in his own. To say that I was shocked wouldn't be able to begin to describe what I was feeling. He quickly pulled back and I looked at him in flushed confusion.

"Darlin', please don't feel that you need to validate your existence for my benefit," he said as he brought his hand up to brush my bangs from my eyes. "You are here and for whatever reason. It is your own. You have always told me that wrestling was never your passion and I never held it against you. I know what it feels like to want to do more in life than this. Why do you think I was even in TNA? I had a passion for wrestling, but I didn't want it to consume my life."

"I know," I said softly. "You've told me."

He was about to continue, but I was slightly pushed from behind and went toppling into Jeff's sitting form. I straightened myself out and turned around to see Matt and Shannon standing beside the couch. Jeff just laughed as I slightly swatted at Shannon's attempt to give me a hug.

"Thanks for almost scaring me to death," I said as I relented and he squeezed next to me.

"Key word: _almost_," Shannon said with a laugh as he tousled my hair. I laughed and leaned my head on his shoulder. I guessed that I had said enough to Jeff for the night and I was quite pleasantly surprised by the way things turned out.

"What are you guys doing here?" Jeff asked as Matt took a seat in a chair next to the three of us.

"Figured we would come and bother you," Matt said with a laugh. "Didn't realize you had company or would be that easy to find. Guess you're not injured anymore?"

"Nope, not physically anyway," I said as I thought about all of my personal issues.

"Let me guess," Matt said as he pretended to mull over what could be bothering me. "Adam Copeland is being an ass once again."

"How'd you know?" Jeff said sarcastically. I whacked him slightly on the arm yet a smile was still adorning my features. "You can't go back and change the past. You just have to face that what's done is done. Move on and things may work out."

"Wait a second. What do you mean 'what's done is done'?" I asked with a grin.

"You know… que sera sera," Jeff said with a laugh.

"Or um… how about 'no use crying over spilt milk'," Matt offered with a grin. I laughed and looked up to glance at Shannon. He looked down and I could tell that he was trying to think of another idiom to add. Yet a moment later, his face lit up.

"Hakuna Matata?"


	40. We Both Know What It's Like To Be Alone

_A.N. - Normal Disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. The dialogue and matches in this chapter are from the 3/12/07 Raw broadcast. Lyrics belong to The Starting Line. Thanks to everyone who has read, added, and to all of my lovely reviewers - "sideways anger", "68 stones from a broken heart", "unlimited emerald0307", "Fozzy-Floozy", "XtremeGirl619", "Farra Sti", "SkyyRyder" and "Hatter-Zombie". You guys totally rock my world and I thank you. Sorry for a little bit of delay getting this chapter out, but I had two midterms and two papers due this week so writing was next to impossible. I'm also working on a few banners for the story which I will get up when I update the story next hopefully in a few days. Thanks again to everyone who has read and has taken the time to review as it only helps my muse continue to inspire me. Peace and Love!!!_

* * *

_Maria Kanellis… check.  
__Phil Brooks… check.  
__Melina Perez… check.  
__Carlito Col__ó__n… check._

Well, four people down, many more to go. If things continued, I would be finished with my story way before Backlash even arrived. The week past by rapidly and in a blink of an eye, it was Monday again. On Tuesday, I went to Smackdown as planned. Maria and I didn't travel alone as Jeff, Matt, and Shannon all decided to come. Just having the three guys around made everything seem so much better than it actually was. They could always put a smile on my face, even when I didn't think it was possible. Sure, they also could get on my nerves and drive me to the brink of insanity, but that's what friends are for, right?

Tuesday was a day full of road tripping and meeting new people.I had seen many of the Smackdown stars at the Royal Rumble and other events, but never was actually introduced. That all changed when I arrived with the gang of veterans. Jeff liked to keep to himself, just associating with the people in his own locker room. But Matt and Shannon were the total opposite. They, especially Shannon, were total social butterflies. Add that to the fact that the main reason I was visiting the other brand was to spend time with Maria who was as bubbly and friendly as she was portrayed on screen, minus the ditzyness.

That night I took the time to break away from my three close friends, much to Jeff's dismay, and speak with Maria and Phil. They both were very open to talk to me about the business. That night when I tried to write about my experience with the two and copy their side of the business for my journal, it was hard for me to remember everything. I have a pretty good memory, but we had talked for a few hours over drinks. No alcohol for me… I was still trying to livedown the Valentine's Day fiasco. We talked about their lives before wrestling, what made them want to wrestle, how they felt about the company, and many more topics. I tried to be as casual as possible when asking and neither of them seemed to notice. Maria was happy to just be around Phil and vice versa.

Wednesday was an even busier day as Maria, Matt, Jeff, and I had to fly to Puerto Rico to start the short Raw tour of the Caribbean… well really Central America. Jeff and I were seated next to each other on the flight to the island and I knew that he wanted to talk to me. We never exactly finished our conversation that was started Monday night, as his brother and Shannon's appearance took us both by surprise. Yet I was too tired from spending much of the previous writing to be in any mood to talk. I spent the whole flight with my head nestled on his shoulder in total unconsciousness. Yet after we actually got settled in our new tropical locale, I knew that I should hear him out.

* * *

_Wednesday March 7, 2007  
__7:35 PM_

"_It's so beautiful here."_

"_Yeah, I know."_

_I turned from watching the waves crash along the shore to look at Jeff with a smile. We both were sitting on the balcony of my hotel room. Melina had gone down by the pool with a few of the other Divas. I was invited to join, but knew that I would rather have spent my time with Jeff. I needed to talk with him. He could make everything better just with a smile. And Lord knows I needed to try and feel better._

_Adam wasn't on the Raw Central America tour roster because of his injury. They needed to keep him on the broadcasts to further storylines and keep him in the picture, but he was useless in the ring right now. He wouldn't see it that way, but no one wants to see him hurt. Well, maybe I could think of a few people who wouldn't have a problem with it. Nevertheless, he wouldn't be traveling with the roster for another few weeks. It gave me a much needed break from constantly having to try and sort out our mess of a relationship. In my mind, the ballwas so in his court. I told him the truth and now he either needed to accept it or move on._

"_So, we never got to finish our conversation," I said with a grin. He had said the same statement numerous times since, but I was never in the mood for discussion._

"_Now you want to talk," Jeff said sarcastically. I laughed and turned back toward the Puerto Rican coast. The noise of the waves was peaceful and I was happy that our hotel was right along the shoreline._

"_Only if you want to," I replied casually._

"_I've wanted to for days," he said with a laugh. "It was you that was never ready."_

"_I've always been ready," I said turning toward him once more. "Just not ever in the mood. If you hadn't noticed, the past few days have been nothing short of hectic."_

"_Trust me, I've noticed," he replied contently. "But honestly, what I want to talk about… is pretty serious and I don't think I could stand another interruption."_

"_You have my full attention," I said, swiveling on my deck chair so my whole body was facing his. _

_He smiled and closed his eyes for a minute, as if he was collecting his thoughts. I didn't exactly know what he was going to say. The way that our conversation had ended a few weeks ago was Jeff and I talking about finding 'the one'. Then this Monday, he surprised me with a kiss and pretty much a declaration of trust and acceptance. I didn't know what to make of it all, but hadn't really been dwelling over it. Jeff had his own way of going about things, and I learned that you just had to take things in the moment when it came to him._

"_So…" he started which ended in nervous laughter. "This is a lot harder than I thought it would be."_

_My brow furrowed at his comment and I stared at him more intently than before._

"_Jeff, what's…"_

"_It's hard for me to say Meemz," Jeff said, cutting off my query, as he nervously looked to the ground and shook his head. "You've got me thinking about things… really thinking about things that I've tried to just bury inside me. I don't know why or how but…"_

_He stopped speaking and looked back up at my face. He sighed and got up from his seat and walked over to stand right in front of mine. I looked up at him as he grasped my hands in his own and pulled me to my feet. He brought both of his hands up and to the sides of my face, staring right into my eyes._

"_How do you know when someone is 'the one', Meemz?" he asked as he lightly traced a few circles on my cheeks. "I am too confused to think straight and… I don't know what to do next."_

_I didn't exactly know what to tell him. Even though I did believe in my father's theory about 'the one', I didn't know if I had found mine yet. I knew that when it happened, I would know. And even though I wanted to believe it was Adam, right now, it was hard to believe in that. I didn't know what to believe in anymore. My whole world had become one of lies and it was hard to find the real truth._

"_Well, I can tell you that you're not alone," I said with a small laugh. "I thought that I might have things figured out, but… I'm just as confused as you are."_

_He smiled and pulled his hands away from my face. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me even closer to him. I responded by lifting my arms up and encircling his neck. His head leaned slightly on my shoulder as we enjoyed each other's company._

"_Maybe I'm just kidding myself into thinking that Beth is the one for me," Jeff said softly. "I mean… she is the only girl I've ever seriously been with. It's hard to call someone 'the one' when you've only been with her. And I do love her… she's great, but… I'm just not so sure anymore. We got into another argument, about how I'm not as home as much as I used to be. With me and Matt being a pseudo tag team again, trying to balance sometimes being on both rosters… it's challenging to find any down time."_

"_That's understandable," I said as I leaned my head on top of his._

"_Yeah, well… she doesn't think that I am making a commitment to our relationship," he said flatly. "I'm really trying Meemz, but it's just not enough for her. I can only be me, you know? At times, she seems so fucking happy and then there are others when she just wants to wring my neck. And I guess she wouldn't be Beth if she didn't, but I don't know if it is what I want anymore."_

"_It's okay if you don't know what you want," I said honestly, as I ran my fingers slightly through his hair. "Again, you are definitely not alone there either."_

_He pulled back slightly, still keeping his arms fastened around my midsection. He brought his forehead so it rested upon mine. I couldn't help but think of Adam in that moment. It was his arms that I was usually in and I couldn't stop a feeling of longing from creeping up on me._

"_So what about you?" Jeff asked with a small grin. "Do you know what you want or are you part of the non-committing club?"_

"_I thought I knew what I wanted," I said softly. "I thought that the whole reason I was pushing Adam away was because that I was scared of what I was feeling for him. But now… I'm not so sure of anything... I have to say a lot in common is what we are."_

_A big grin broke out on his face as I quoted his poetry. I smiled up at him and saw something in his eyes that I had never seen before. I couldn't place it and didn't get a chance. He quickly closed the short distance and our lips met once more. Yet unlike before, I didn't pull away._

* * *

Things were a little awkward between the two of us for the rest of the week… no, _really_ awkward. We tried to act like our little hour long make out session on the balcony never happened yet failed miserably. I didn't know what I was feeling anymore and could tell that Jeff felt the same. We tried to act as if everything was normal, but it was hard. Flashes of the night would always come into my mind and my whole disposition would change.

Luckily at Thursday's live show in San Juan, I didn't need to valet for the Hardys. I was the special guest referee for Melina and Mickie's match. Vince wanted me to see a women's match up close and personal, even though I had been in quite a few myself during my training. I was happy that he was actually serious about letting me get in the ring though. It would help to try and get mind off of other things that seemed to constantly be plaguing it.

That night, Melina and I talked in our hotel room until the morning hours. She was very open to sharing a lot of details about her life and the business. It gave her a chance to talk more about her relationship with John and her new one with Dave. She seemed genuinely comfortable and content to talk with me and I felt somewhat dirty when I copied most of the conversation into my journal the next day. I was still lying to them, no matter how I sugarcoated it.

We had to quickly catch a flight the next morning and get ready for a show in Panama. That night it was a triple threat match for the title between Melina, Mickie, and Ashley. Victoria and I both interfered for our respective alignments: she helped Melina, while I helped the others. It went over pretty well with the crowd and I was happy that management switched up the match from the one in Puerto Rico. It was fun to ref for the night, but not something I wanted to do again.

Again, I didn't need to valet for the Hardys that night, as Melina wasn't accompanying MNM to the ring. Matt noticed that there was some tension between me and his brother, but just shrugged it off. He figured that it was probably something to do with Adam and left it at that. But I guess in a way, he was right. This did have something to do with Adam, even if he wasn't directly involved. What a tangled web I was weaving.

Saturday was the final stop on our tour: Guatemala. It was more of the same from the other two shows. Melina and Mickie were the sole Diva match of the night with Victoria and I once again coming to our friends' aid. I was happy that I was getting to be seen in front of the crowd as more than just Jeff's valet and girlfriend. Since I had performed so well in my duties over the weekend, I was informed that I would be doing pretty much the same thing on Raw. The news left me quite content that I would even be getting more airtime. It wasn't as important to me as it would have been if I was really wanted to wrestle as a profession, but I was excited nonetheless.

That night, I met up with Carlito at the hotel bar. I wasn't looking for any company and really just wanted to spend some time on my own. But we got to talking and I used the opportunity to advance my story. Unlike the other three, he was upset about his lack of a push on the roster. He wasn't booked for a match at Wrestlemania and it really bothered him. I could understand why. All I heard from everyone was how Wrestlemania was the one show that you definitely wanted to be a part of.

He was quite candid about the reason he felt that he wasn't on the show. He said that everything was backstage politics and that if he sucked up enough, he would've had a match. But according to him, that was just not his style. He also said that he hated his role that he had to play. He wanted to go back to being the heel that he was known for playing. Instead they had him as a face and in a relationship with Torrie.

I was quite shocked about his outright contempt for his characterization. He said that he keeps his mouth shut because he wants to keep his job. Ithought that the wrestlers had more control of how theywere at least portrayed to the public. Yet thinking back on it, I could see how management played a big part. I doubted that Amy wanted to come out to the ring dressed like Adam's whore every night. I was happy that I had finally found someone whose comments weren't all favorable. I just wished that I could've remembered everything he said when I went to write about it later.

Sunday was a travel day, but much more relaxing than the last week had been. The whole roster headed to Washington D.C. as that was the sight for Monday's broadcast. It felt good just to spend the night lying in a bed watching television with Melina. We had a little more girl talk, but nothing that needed to be transcribed for public viewing… some things had to stay private.

And now, it was Monday again. Time to put on a smiling face and go out in front of the crowd. At least my face wouldn't need to smile for too long. Tonight, Jeff was booked in a match against Edge. _So not happening_. I haven't had a chance to look at the script, but I knew that his actual opponent was going to be Khali. Adam was going to be staying at ringside for the match and I couldn't say that I was really looking forward to it. Hell,_ I_ wasn't even looking forward to valeting tonight. Jeff and I hadn't really spoken all that much since Wednesday night. I had to be in the ring with the two people I cared most about in the business when things were awkward between all of us… _great._

* * *

"_The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Nami… from Cameron, North Carolina, weighing in at two-hundred and twenty-five pounds… Jeff Hardy!"_

Jeff quickly scampered into the ring and ran over to the far right turnbuckle to acknowledge his fans. They sure wereloud tonight. I smiled as I watched all of the appreciation and applause he was receiving. I walked up the steps and watched as Jeff jumped down and came over my way. He sat down on the rope to pry them apart so I could step through with ease. I smiled as he came over and quickly kissed me, playing up our relationship to the crowd. All I could feel was how it was much different than the kiss, well _kisses_,we shared in Puerto Rico.

"_You think you know me."_

Jeff and I both turned hand in hand toward the ramp as we watched Adam emerge from the fog. Of course, we knew that he wasn't there to wrestle, but our characters weren't supposed to. He strode down the ramp in his latest Rated-R Superstar shirt and some tight fitting jeans. I couldn't stop myself from staring at him, and not in the way I should have been. I quickly shook myself out of it and leaned my head slightly on Jeff's shoulder.

Adam slowed down as he got to the bottom of the ramp and continued to stare directly at us in the middle of the ring. I tried to put on a face of total indifference, but was finding it hard to do. Jeff just gripped my hand tighter as he yelled at Adam. Jeff put on a face of frustrated confusion, as his "opponent" was not dressed to wrestle. Adam walked around the side of the ring and our gazes followed his form. He held his hand out in a silencing gesture to Jeff and I could see his mouth saying "hold your horses". I had to stop myself from laughing, by burying my head slightly in his arm. I had to get myself together.

"You okay?" Jeff whispered as he planted a quick kiss on my head to hide his speech.

"Been better," I admitted truthfully as I saw Adam walk up the steel steps, microphone now in hand.

I pulled back from our haphazard embrace and moved my hand to his shoulder. The ref came over to get in the middle of the two men as Adam came into the ring. Jeff just briefly glanced at him before returning his attention back to Adam.

"_You know Jeff, I'd like nothing more than to beat the hell out of you and show you the pecking order in the Money in the Bank ladder match,"_ Adam said as his attention shifted between both of our eyes.

I tried my best to remain in character, but it was hard. Jeff gestured to the distance between them in a 'let's fight then' gesture. The ref quickly stepped in and got into between the three of us, as I remained physically connected to my on-screen boyfriend.

"_But we're in Washington D.C.,"_ Adam said, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

Time for excuse number two. Last week, it was because he was Canadian and thus colorblind to the racial bigots that were in the audience. I could only imagine what he had in store for the nation's capital. Jeff nodded his head as the fans cheered as their location was mentioned, even though I'm sure they all knew that Adam was going to twist it for his own benefit.

"_And it happens to be home of the Washington Redskins,"_ he continued, which earned annoyed glares from both of us. Even though I didn't read the script for the night, I knew what was coming. _"And I'll be damned… I'll be damned if I'm going to perform in a city that encourages such a racial slur against Native Americans."_

Both Jeff and I turned to look at each other in contempt for his opponent's excuse. The crowd was also showing their dissatisfaction, as for the second week in a row, Adam was ducking out of a match. Too bad they still weren't aware of the reason, even though I was sure that now it had tobecome apparent.

"_Shut up!"_ Adam bellowed to the crowd, which got both of us to turn back toward the annoyed Adam. His facial expression changed slightly as he brought the microphone to his lips once more. _"However, I do have a friend of Indian descent. And he said that he'll take my place in this match tonight and Jeff… Jeffery, trust me: he's not in a very good mood."_

Adam's expression changed to one of… well of almost glee as he looked at the two of us. He turned his attention to me and raised his eyebrows in an arrogant nature. I scoffed at him and turned to look at Jeff. I couldn't bear to look at his happy, smug face any longer. I knew it was all in character, but it was hard to see him smile. It just made all of the great memories we had come back into my mind and made me even more confused and discombobulated. And I needed to get through this night with my head on my shoulders so there could be no distractions.

The first few strains of Khali's music played throughout the arena and Jeff's face of anger turned to one of dread. It's not like he was overtly scared, more like 'I don't want to go through this again.' I looked from Jeff back to Adam as he outspread his arms with a smug gesture on his face. He headed over to the side of the ring and Jeff and I both turned our attention to the giant heading down the ramp. I lightly patted him on the shoulder in encouraging gesture.

Adam and Jeff verbally sparred with each other as Adam walked around the ring once more to head near the ramp.

"Have fun," Adam yelled as he winked at me in a lecherous manner. I groaned and turned away from him to look back at the ramp. Khali made it to the bottom of the ramp. Jeff and I backed up so we were only a foot in front of the back ropes. Jeff put both of his hands on his hips and contempt was present on his features. I sighed and moved my hand up to his face, pulling his gaze back to mine.

"Stay safe," I whispered, as he leaned in to capture my lips in his own. He pulled back and I quickly left the ring as Khali climbed over the rope.

I peered through the ropes and saw Adam directly on the other side clapping as Khali strode toward Jeff. I shook my head and yelled my support for Jeff, as Khali's music died down. The bell rang and Jeff took the opportunity to strike first. He fell back to the ropes and used the momentum to pound into Khali. Yet it didn't faze the huge giant as Jeff just bounced off his chest. Khali brought his massive hand up and hit Jeff on the head, knocking him to the mat. I moved around to the side of the ring so I could see Jeff's face, forgetting that it was putting me closer to the ecstatic Adam. He clapped and cheered on Khali as Jeff struggled to sit up.

Khali pulled Jeff to his feet and threw him to the ropes. As Jeff came back from the momentum, Khali lifted up his foot and drilledhim, sending him to the ground once more. I cringed as Jeff hit the mat with a resounding thud. Adam looked over at me and laughed. I knew that he was just being Edge, but I wouldn't lie and say that it didn't affect me. To me, he was still Adam, even if he had to be an ass in front of the cameras. He was still Adam.

Khali looked toward the audience as he knew that he had Jeff right where he wanted him. I saw that Adam was slightly heading up the ramp and knew that the end of the match was near. I was about to cover my ears, but knew that that might give it away. I looked on as Khali grabbed Jeff off the mat and held him around his throat. He picked Jeff up and slammed him back down to the match. Even though the crowd was loud in their disapproval, I could still hear Adam's laughter. I looked back toward the ramp and saw his smiling face as he clapped his hands once more in enjoyment. He headed slightly back down the ramp and turned my way.

"What do you think of your boyfriend now?" Adam asked me loudly with a smug grin, before turning back toward the ring. "Come on, Khali!"

As soon as the words left his mouth, the loud burst of flames ignitingerupted through the arena. I was shocked and jumped in surprise. Adam's comment had taken me out of the moment and I wasn't prepared for Kane's arrival. The retreating Adam turned around and watched as Kane came down the ramp with a hook and chain. I think that it was something that was used in the movie that he filmed. Kane came around and Khali left the ring and headed in the opposite direction. Jeff slid out of the ring and came over to me as Kane headed for the announce table.

"You ready to get out of here?" he murmured as he leaned up against me. I nodded my head and the two of us walked up the ramp as Kane finished up his segment. We got back to the gorilla position and saw that all of the Divas that were going to be involved in the next match were already present.

"I guess you're staying here then," Jeff said with a small laugh.

"Yeah, I guess," I said. He turned to leave, but I quickly put my hand on his shoulder. "I think that we need to talk… you know, about what happened?"

I saw Melina look over my way and give me an amused questioning glance. I looked back at Jeff and waited for a response.

"I guess we should," he said with a sigh. "I'll meet you tonight in the lobby if you want."

"Okay," I said with a nod. He smiled and quickly dashed down the steps. I turned and saw that Melina still had the same look on her face.

"You want to tell me what that was all about?" she asked with a smile.

"Not really," I said with a laugh.

"Just admit it… you guys are perfect for each other. And I think that you are beginning to realize it."

* * *

"Come on Jeff, where the fuck are you?"

It had been almost two hours since I had arrived back at the hotel and I was still waiting in the lobby. There had been no sign of him. I had called his phone a few times and got no response. I didn't want to leave as I knew that he would have to come eventually… or at least I hoped.

I flipped through my journal and looked at all of the memories that I had collected. Notes and poems… drawings and photos… there were so many things that I could look back on with happiness. But then there were the times that I wasn't so fond of reminiscing about. I flipped through my journal and came across my entry after I went to the TNA event with Jay. I smiled as I read over the entry and read the lyrics that I had printed there. It just made my heart ache more for Adam.

I looked up and around the lobby once more… no Jeff. It was now almost two in the morning and I had to stifle a yawn. I looked down at the picture of me and Jay with a smile. I missed talking with him, as neither of us had spoken since a few weeks ago. I had wanted to call and talk, but knew that things would be uncomfortable after everything that was going on with me and Adam.

"Here we lay again, on two separate beds riding phone lines," I sang softly as I continued to flip through random pages, more or less just looking at the photos that I had attached to the pages. "To meet a familiar voice, and pictures drawn from memory. We reflect on miscommunications and misunderstandings and missing each other too much to have had to let go."

I laughed slightly as I thought of how much the lyrics actually applied. I missed Adam, more than he probably knew. Before when we were just taking a break, I knew where we stood. I was the one calling the shots. Well, at least I liked to think I was. Now, it was all up to him. I just wished that I knew what he was thinking about… what he wanted me to do.

"We turn our music down and we whisper," I continued softly as I drummed slightly on my pajama clad leg. "Say what you're thinking out loud."

"_Tell me what you thought about  
__When you were gone and so alone.  
__The worst is over,  
__You can have the best of me…"_

I jumped from my chair as my singing was interrupted by my cell phone's ringing. I smiled and looked around to find Adam standing a few feet behind my seat. My heart, which was already beating rapidly from the shock of the ringtone actually picking up where I left off singing, fluttered even more at the sight of him. He grinned back at me as he flipped the phone shut and pulled up a chair next to mine.

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked as I turned to face Adam in his chair.

"Not long," he said with a smile. "I heard you singing and figured I would have a little fun."

I was happy to see that he was actually speaking to me. And not only that, he looked like he actually wanted to sit and talk with me. It looked like my night might have been looking up.

"Very funny," I muttered flatly before breaking out into a huge smile.

"So, what brings you down here?" Adam asked. "Dave come by to visit Melina or something?"

"No… at least, I don't think so," I said with a slight laugh. "I was just waiting for Jeff."

"Oh, I see," he said with a slight nervous cough.

"But I don't think he is going to show," I said with a sigh. "I've been waiting here for hours and there's been no sign of him. He's not picking up his phone either."

"Something happen between you two?" Adam asked with a curious expression. "You two looked as close and cuddly as usual tonight."

I laughed at his expression and just shook my head. I debated whether on telling him the whole truth, but decided against it. I needed to talk things over with Jeff before I divulged information about our small romantic encounter. I also wanted to actually speak with Adam, not fight with him.

"You know… ever since I've been rooming with Melina, we don't hang out as much," I said with a small smile. It wasn't a total lie. We didn't spend as much time together as we used to, but it wasn't the exact reason that I needed to speak with my best friend.

"I get it," he said with a grin. "So, how was the trip? You didn't get much of a tan."

"That's because I don't tan," I said with a laugh. "Not that well anyway. I have too fair of skin to really tan. I burn more than anything."

Adam leaned in and ran his hand down my arm. My skin was a little bit darker than my normal shade. I looked and noticed something on his arm. He noticed my gaze and stopped his ministrations so he could roll up the sleeve on his tee.

"Like it?" he asked as he revealed a new addition below his black star tattoo. I ran my fingers over his new ink: two smaller stars straddled the bottom of his older black star tattoo. Yet underneath that was the biggest change: two skulls with roses and small hearts designing their facades that included two more stars underneath. It was certainly unique and fit him perfectly.

"Might take some time to get used to seeing it," I said as now his whole bicep was almost covered in ink. "But yeah, I like it. It suits you."

"Figured I had to do something while you guys were having fun in the sun," he said as he leaned back in his chair once more and rolled his sleeve back down. "Heard you actually refereed a match?"

"Yeah, it was certainly different," I said with a laugh, remembering the fact that I had to constantly pay attention to the match and give the two women signs of when to break holds and do certain throws. "Much more advanced than I thought it would be."

"No easy jobs in this business, let me tell you," he replied with a smile. "So… you going to tell me how your trip went or what?"

"Nothing really to report," I said honestly. "Nice weather, great fans… that's about it. Didn't see John and Randy much. I pretty much just stuck to hanging out with Melina."

"That's not all I heard," Adam said. I gave him a questioning look. "According to John, you and Carlito were quite buddy buddy."

"Is that so?" I said. "We had drinks one night yes… I don't know about us being any closer than we were before. I was just trying to get to know people… seeing as most of the people I know have been a little skittish around me as of late."

"I think the skittishness is all on your part beautiful," he said with a small chuckle. "I needed to think some things through, but that didn't mean you needed to stay away from all of us. I never wanted you to feel like you couldn't be part of the group anymore."

"I never really was," I said softly. "But I'm all right with that. I just… want to know where we stand. I understand if you're not ready to give me an answer, but…"

Adam brought his hand up and put a few fingers to my lips to silence me. I stopped speaking and he pulled his fingers away from my lips, cupping my cheek instead.

"I've had time to think about it," he said in a sober tone, making me fear for the worst. My expression turned sullen causing Adam to bring his other arm toward me and pull me from my seat. I was pulled into standing position in front of his chair. I looked down at him and saw a smile on his face. "I've been an idiot the past week… probably for longer. I don't even know why I was so upset. I guess I had a right to be when you told me you were leaving, but when you actually stayed… I should've been happy not bitter. I guess that everything just came as a slight shock. I thought I knew everything there was to know about you, but then it seemed like I didn't know you at all. I think I was angrier at myself for not caring enough to learn more about you."

"Don't even try and pin this one on yourself," I said with a laugh as I brushed the hair away from his face. "You did nothing wrong. You were almostperfect actually. I still can't get over what you did… getting my family members together for a game. It meant a lot to me."

"I know," he said with a grin. "And I hope that I still mean a lot to you. Cause I know that we have had our problems as of late, but I don't want to throw away all of the great memories we shared just because of a few bumps in the road. I want to make more memories, preferably not ones that end up with the two of us screaming at each other in the middle of a crowded parking lot."

I laughed and looked away from his gaze. My journal had landed on the ground when Adam pulled me from my seat. I noticed that it had landed on a page with a picture of me and Jeff. I frowned slightly as he still hadn't showed, or maybe he had and left when he saw me with Adam. Either way, I hadn't been able to speak with him and try to sort through what exactly happened that night. It was more than just two friends wallowing in self-pity together. It was more than we had ever done.

"Nam, is everything all right?" Adam asked as he tried to peer around me to see what I was staring at. I quickly turned back to him and forced a small smile on my face.

"Yeah, sorry… I was just lost in my thoughts for a moment," I said with a nervous laugh.

"So… I know that seeing as we haven't spoken much these past few weeks, I shouldn't be expecting some sort of outcome to our relationship problem, but… you asked me where we stand," he said seriously. "And if you honestly think that the decision is fully mine to make, then I only see one resolution."

"And that would be?" I asked as Adam's hands tightened their hold on my waist slightly. He looked up at me with a coy grin.

"Well, I see you… me… my hotel room?" he said with a questioning tone in his voice.

"You've been hanging out with Randy a lot more in my absence haven't you? What did I say about that?"I asked with a laugh, which he quickly returned.

"I guess that means that you have to come back and save me from his evil ways," Adam said jokingly. I smiled and saw that he was actually looking for a response. I didn't exactly know what I could say.

"Adam, I…"

"No, please," he said, interrupting me. "I know that it's probably way too soon to even think about becoming intimate again. It was only a joke."

I looked away from him again, but his hand quickly adjusted my focus to fall on his face once more. He stared up at me and I knew that he was still waiting for a response. Yet before I could speak, he spoke once more.

"Nam, I'm not asking for much. I just… I just want to know if there's a chance that things are going to work out. I'm not very good when it comes to reading you, so I honestly can say that I don't know what you want. But I want you to know that all I want is you. I want to be able to hold you in my arms again and wake up to see your beautiful face. I want to travel together and... just _be_ together. But I need to know, if that is what you want… if I am what you want."


	41. Then You Bring Me Home

_A.N. - Normal Disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. Lyrics in the chpater belong to Evanescence. Dialogue and matches are from the 3/13/07 ECW broadcast. Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed. "Farra Sti", "Vickiekins", "68 stones from a broken heart", "unlimited emerald0307", "XtremeGirl619", "Hatter-Zombie", and "Inday" - thank you for your reviews! This fluffy chapter signals the end of the second main plot piece and is going to start the third section of the story. Things can still change, but there isn't much time as Nami's time in the company is almost up. I put a few banners up in my newly created profile for the story. Thanks again to everyone who has supported the story. Peace and Love!_

* * *

_Wednesday March 7, 2007  
__8:33 PM_

_My hands were wound through his purple locks as his lips continued their pleasant torment down the base of my neck. The light Puerto Rican breeze sent a slight chill through my being, or maybe it was the fact that I was making out with my best friend. Either way, I was happy for the coolness as it dimmed the heat that had risen throughout my body and the blush that had formed on my cheeks. I moaned slightly in the back of my throat as he sucked on a sensitive spot at the nape of my neck._

"_Jeff… maybe, we should…"_

_His gaze moved back to mine and all of my words halted before they could be uttered. I moved one hand from his hair to the right side of his face. He grinned and leaned back in to kiss me once more. Even though I wanted to resist, my opposition was crumbling. I adjusted myself on his lap and felt his hand rest on my hipbone. Still lost in my fervent and fiery bliss, I didn't feel his hand slide under my shirt until it rested on my breast. Many thoughts ran through my mind and I had to pull back._

"_We can't do this," I muttered as I detangled myself from his form and rose from the seat. Too bad that we already had, so I guess I proved that we could._

_I pulled my tank top down in more of a nervous gesture than actually fixing my attire. I looked back over at him as he ran a hand across his lips, as if he couldn't believe what we had just done. It was indescribable what had happened, and not just because of the feelings that we must've felt. It was because I honestly don't know how it happened. We were just talking and then all of a sudden, my tongue was dueling his for dominance. It was totally unexpected and I couldn't figure out what bothered me so much: the fact that we had actually kissed or the fact that I didn't say no._

"_Yeah, I know," Jeff muttered softly as he tried to avoid my gaze._

_I sighed in frustration and sat back down in my original deck chair. Things were already a little weird and tense between the two of us and now I knew they were just going to get worse. I didn't know who started our little romantic entanglement, but that really wasn't that important. What was important was the fact that it happened. I didn't think it was normal to just go around and make out with your best friend for the hell of it. There had to be a reason that it happened. There had to be a reason that I let it continue way past a simple kiss._

"_I better go," Jeff said awkwardly as he rose from his seat, his eyes finally finding mine. I smiled slightly and waved as he hastily opened the sliding door and retreated to leave the room._

_He probably was going to call Beth. I didn't know if he would tell her exactly what happened, but he would need to at least talk with her. He was too much of a sweetheart not to. Unlike me, Jeff actually was in a relationship at the moment. That fact made me feel quite unclean. It wasn't like I planned for it to happen, but it seemed like Beth's suspicions were validated. What I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall to hear that conversation._

_My thoughts quickly shifted to that of another man that I was quite fond of… okay, way more than just fond of. I knew that Adam and I weren't exactly together anymore. He had made it quite clear the past few days that I had shattered all of his trust in me, maybe even beyond repair. So even though I didn't have a reason to feel like I betrayed him, it was still lingering there. My heart knew who it belonged to and was aching because of everything that had transpired._

_I loved Jeff and would do anything in the world for him. But I was in love with Adam and wanted to make things right with him. Jeff and I… we could have been something amazing, but it just wasn't to be. He has Beth and no matter what he says, I know that his heart belongs to her. I can see it in his eyes. He loves her too much to just throw it away for something that would probably not work out. On the other hand, Adam and I… we never had a stable relationship. Unlike Jeff, who I felt like I could always run to, Adam was usually the thing that sent me running. He also was the cause of a lot of pain and heartache and of course mistrust. But underneath all of that was a love that still burned brightly; a fire that wouldn't extinguish no matter how hard I tried._

_At times, I felt that it would be much easier to just move on from all of this. Adam and Jeff both made my life complete yet a living Hell at the same time. I cared about both of them, yet seemingly in totally different ways. But these differences were swirling around and becoming harder and harder to distinguish. There was so much bad blood between both sides and I was being thrown in the middle. I didn't know how much more I would be able to take. I didn't want to lose either man. In the end, I knew the choice was going to have to be absolute. I couldn't live with just one. Thus it was going to have to be all or nothing._

* * *

Tuesday March 13, 2007  
2:18 AM

"But I need to know, if that is what you want… if I am what you want."

I stared down at Adam and brushed the hair from his eyes. His eyes always held so much emotion and this moment was no different. He was waiting for a response, but I didn't know if I was ready to give him the one he wanted to hear. I wanted to, more than anything, but I still needed to sort things out with Jeff first. The night in Puerto Rico was still replaying in my mind and almost a week later, I still couldn't understand why.

"What a pleasant surprise!"

I looked up and away from Adam as I recognized the voice. Well, at least I knew that Jeff had a reason for standing me up. Adam turned slightly in his seat as the couple came over to stand near us.

"Hey Beth," I said with a small smile. "Nice to see you again."

"I had no clue she was coming tonight," Jeff whispered in my ear, as Adam and Beth shared a greeting. I nodded my head as Jeff quickly pulled back as not to make the other pair suspicious.

"You come to see the show?" Adam asked Beth as both Jeff and I returned our attention to the conversation.

"Yeah, came to surprise him and to pick him up," she responded as Jeff went back over to her side. She took his hand in hers and leaned her head against his chest. He smiled down at her slightly before returning his gaze to mine.

"You're not coming to Smackdown tomorrow… well later today?" I asked with a small laugh as I realized that it was well past midnight.

"Nah, Beth and I are going to head back home," Jeff said, with some disappointment buried in his tone.

"We haven't had a chance to see each other much the past few weeks," Beth said as she once more looked at her boyfriend. Her expression darkened slightly as she saw Jeff's gaze fell upon my own. "We can't all be as lucky as you and be able to travel with your significant other."

"I've told you that you could spend some time on the road with me," Jeff said with a sigh. I looked at Adam as we both felt somewhat awkward. I felt like I was constantly being observed by her, as she was just waiting for me to make my move on her boyfriend. And Adam… well, Adam just didn't like Jeff.

"And I've told you that someone needs to stay home and take care of the house," Beth said with a small laugh as she slightly batted Jeff on the chest. "And not to mention pay the bills, take care of our animals, make…"

"I get it," Jeff said, in a somewhat frustrated tone. "I know that it is a lot of work. I get it."

"I know," she said with a smile as she pulled him into a kiss. I looked away from the couple once more as Adam stood from his chair and came to stand right behind me.

"Are you coming to the show?" Adam asked me. I shrugged. I had planned on going with Jeff, but now it looked like that was out of the picture.

"I don't know," I said.

"Well, maybe I can convince you," Adam said as he pulled my form closer to his and held me to him.

"You're going?" I asked as I looked up at him, trying to forget about Beth and Jeff's public display of affection right in front of me.

"I have to be in Randy's corner," Adam said with a laugh.

"You actually going to help him win this time or mess things up even more?" I asked jokingly as I put my hands overtop his on my waist.

"You'll just have to come and find out," he whispered in my ear. "And besides, the show is in Trenton… only an hour from your place."

I looked back over to where Jeff and Beth stood. They slowly parted and both had smiles on their faces. I was happy for Jeff and felt less awkward about the whole situation. Even though the memory of our heated encounter was still in my mind, I knew that it would fade.

"So I guess that means I won't see you till Sunday," I said to Jeff, ignoring Adam's question for the moment.

"Yeah," he said with a sigh, which didn't go unnoticed by anyone present. "But, I… can we talk?"

I nodded my head and Adam let me slide from his grasp. Jeff gave another quick kiss to Beth before walking slightly away from the area we were occupying. I turned and smiled at Adam, when I spied my journal still lying open on the ground. I hastily bent down and picked it up, closing it in the process. I went over to where Jeff stood, a few paces away from the group, and smiled.

"Sorry about tonight," he whispered as we could still be considered in earshot of the others. "I really had no clue that she was coming to the show."

"That's the point of a surprise," I said in the same hushed tone. "And besides, I'm happy because you're happy. You are happy, right?"

"Yeah… happy," he said with a small laugh. "I just… that night, you know… in Puerto Rico?"

"Yeah, I was hoping that maybe we could talk about it," I said in a somewhat nervous voice.

"I don't regret that it happened," he said as he took one of my hands in his own. "I think after months of us tiptoeing around some feelings, it needed to happen. But… I don't know where to take it from there. I'm still with Beth and don't want to leave her. And from the way things are looking, it looks like you and Adam are on the mend. But, I want you to know… that it meant something to me."

"I don't think I could have said it better if I tried," I said as I pulled him into a small hug, not caring what Adam or Beth thought of us. "I want you to know, that no matter what happens in either of our relationships… I love you, maybe not in the way that Beth loves you… but I do."

"I love you too," he said as he lightly kissed my cheek. It was the first time that I had heard those words from someone other than a family member in a long time. I held him closer to me and gave him a quick peck on the lips before pulling back.

"You have a great time this week," I said with a smile. "Call me whenever."

"Don't think that I won't," he said with a grin as we walked back over to the other pair. Beth quickly took Jeff's hand and dragged him toward the elevator. I groaned and hoped that I hadn't caused another rift between the two. I looked toward Adam with a small smile.

"Do you still want an answer?" I asked coyly.

"To what question?" he asked, slightly miffed. I could only imagine for what reason, but I was sure that it had something to do with Jeff and I. "Wanting to know if you want to be with me or if you are coming to Smackdown? Cause honestly I think I know the answer to both."

"Actually, I think you don't," I said in the same faintly annoyed tone. "What you saw between Jeff and I was…"

"_Was nothing_, right?" Adam said, finishing my statement for me. "Save me the explanation Nam, cause I have heard it many times before."

"I know you have, but that wasn't what I was going to say," I said as I threw my journal down on the empty chair. I took his hand in mine and looked down at the floor trying to choose my wording. He wasn't in the best of moods, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that he was here and actually wanted me back.

"Jeff and I… we kissed," I said softly as I turned to look up at Adam.

"I was standing right here beautiful," he said in the same frustrated tone as before. "I saw everything."

"No, not that," I said with a shake of the head. "In Puerto Rico, we… we were talking about some stuff and things just got a little carried away."

"You sleep with him?" Adam asked in a soft yet pointed tone.

"No, we stopped way before it could ever get to that level," I said softly.

"Did you_ want_ to sleep with him?" he asked in the same tone.

"I don't know what I was thinking at that moment, but…"

"Do you _now_?" Would you be in his arms tonight if it wasn't for the fact that Beth showed up?" he asked accusatorily.

"No… things in Puerto Rico got out of hand and before either of us knew it..." I trailed off and looked into his eyes. He nodded his head and I knew that I really didn't need to say anymore. "At the time, I didn't know what I was thinking. But I do now. Jeff and I both know where we belong."

"So is that what your whole little talk tonight was about?" he asked in a cold tone. "Figure out how to break the news to us? Look, if you want to be with him, I'm…"

I reached up and pulled him down to me to silence his speech. He was taken aback by the action but quickly succumbed to his own passion. I knew that maybe I was being a little evasive in my confession, but I was sort of hoping for a difference response. I didn't want to be the first one to have to say 'I love you' in the conversation. I was already the one who said it first in the relationship. I had told him a few times actually, and Adam had yet to say it once.

"The answer to both of your questions is yes," I murmured when we broke apart. "I love you."

With that, I grabbed my journal and scurried to leave the lobby. I saw that the elevator had just arrived and quickly got on. I knew that it was a cowardly way out of the conversation, but I didn't have anything else to say. And once again, it was all up to Adam. He was in control.

* * *

"_What the hell is your problem, you son of a bitch?"_

What a way to start off a broadcast. Randy Orton bitching and screaming… way to draw in the crowd.

"_Son of a bit… just settle down,"_ Adam said as he pulled the sunglasses away from his eyes. At least that got the two girls he was hitting on to scatter.

"_You know what I'm talking about," _Randy bellowed as he got right up against Adam's face. "_We were tag team champions man. Now we're opponents at Wrestlemania and you're going to throw me under the bridge. You're going to feed me to the wolves, man. You got me wrestling Lashley, why?_

"_Listen, you face Lashley, we do Mr. McMahon a favor," _Adam said as he tried to reason with the enraged Legend Killer._ "It's good for us."_

"_You're kissing Mr. McMahon's ass, that's what you're doing!"_ Randy attested as Adam tried to weasel out of the predicament he found himself in.

"_I'm doing us a favor man,"_ Adam said in a calmer tone.

"_You got my back tonight?"_ Randy questioned Adam in the same frustrated roar as all of his lines were spoken in. "_You say you've got my back… you've got my back tonight?"_

"_Yeah, you know what? I've got your back," _Adam said as he was becoming frustrated himself. "_I've got your damn back, okay? Okay, I'll be there for you. Okay, you can trust me."_

The two men stared each other down before Randy left the screen. And thus, the ECW taping had begun. I hadn't spoken to Adam since earlier in the morning when I left him in the lobby. I wanted him to come to me. I didn't think that that was too much to ask. I had told him what I needed to and wanted him to know that everything relied on him. And I knew that he knew that I was in attendance tonight.

I didn't come to the show with him obviously. Melina was going to be managing tonight so I bummed a ride with her. I had called my father and he was going to pick me up after the show was over. I didn't have a car and since he only lived fifteen minutes away, he offered. I wasn't going to turn him down.

"_Holding my last breath,  
__Safe inside…"_

"Hey," I said as I flipped open my phone. The Divas' locker room was pretty full, but I didn't think that I would be interrupting anything by talking with Jay.

"Haven't heard from you in awhile," he said in a pleasant tone. "How was your trip?"

"It was nice, not as relaxing as most of my tropical getaways," I said with a laugh.

"That's believable," he said with a laugh of his own.

"Don't you have a taping that you should be getting ready for or is the champion taking it easy tonight?" I asked with a laugh as I knew that TNA, like the WWE, taped on both Mondays and Tuesdays.

"I do have a taping tonight, but I wanted to see how you were doing first," he said. "We haven't talked in awhile."

"I know," I said with a sigh. "How's everything in Florida? Sunny, I hope."

"Sunnier than New Jersey I bet," he responded. "How does it feel to be home?"

"Uh, I was just on leave a few weeks ago so it's not that much of a homecoming," I said. "But after last week, I am happy to have a few days off. Don't exactly have many plans though."

"I'm sure you'll think of something," he said in a slight knowing tone.

"I take it that you know something that I don't," I said, curious as to why he sounded so coy.

"Maybe," he said in the same devious tone. "But I am not about to tell you what it is."

"You know that I hate surprises," I whined into the receiver, especially when I figured that it had something to do with either him or Adam.

"No, you don't. You are just very impatient," he said with a chuckle. "I better get going. Still have to get changed for tonight. Promise you'll call me tomorrow?"

"Sure," I said with a grin. "Good luck tonight."

"Don't need it babe, but thanks anyway," he said in mock arrogance. "Have a great night."

"You too," I said with a smile as we said our goodbyes. I flipped the phone shut and slipped it back in my purse. I looked around and figured that I would go find Adam now. There was no time like the present to find out the reason for Jay's behavior.

I grabbed my purse and slipped out of the locker room. I didn't exactly know where to find him and knew that he had to interfere in Randy's match which was upcoming. I figured that I could at least find his locker room and wait for him. I looked around the hallways and couldn't find any sign of him. I didn't want to just open doors. I was still a newbie in the business, especially on the Smackdown side of the company.

"Looking for anyone in particular?"

I spun around and smiled at the oncoming Matt Hardy. He came over and slung his arm on my shoulder.

"I doubt you have seen him," I said with a nervous laugh.

"Ah… Adam, huh?" he said. "I can honestly say that I haven't seen him, but Orton was getting ready to head to the ring."

"Guess I won't be able to catch him then," I said sullenly.

"So, I heard you and Jeff talked," Matt said as the two of us walked down the hallway.

"Oh yeah?" I said, knowing how close the two brothers were.

"Yeah," he said as he led me into his locker room. "And I just want to say that… you've done Jeff a lot of good. He needed someone to talk to on the road since all of his close friends are on the other brand."

"God, you act like I'm bailing on him or something," I said with a laugh, as I took a seat on a couch.

"No, I don't mean that," he said with a grin. "I just… really appreciate everything that you have done. And I know that that is probably coming out wrong, but… you put him first at times when he really needed you. Yet I doubt many people in your position would have. I love Beth like she is already my sister, but… I wouldn't have been so upset if you were in her place."

"Thanks Matt," I said with a smile. "I know that I have made some choices that may have affected my other relationships, but I don't regret anything I have ever done. Jeff will always be very important to me, even if I have to learn to put Adam first."

"Yeah… and I want you to know that both of us are going to try and lighten up on your relationship," he said coming over to sit next to me. "I have my reasons for disliking him, but you two seem really happy together. But if he fucks up, just say the word."

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind," I said in a joking tone as I pulled him into a hug.

"Okay, okay, enough of this sappy shit," he said as he got up from the bench. "I have to run to a meeting for my match tonight, but you are more than welcome to chill here. I'm sharing with a few of the guys, but just tell them you are with me."

"Okay," I said with a nod as he grabbed a water bottle and waved. He exited the room and I was left alone. By the number of bags, it looked like he was sharing with three other wrestlers. I didn't really want to just sit around and wait for them to come back. I got up and opened the door to leave.

"Copeland said that you were going to be here tonight."

I opened the door at the same time that Randy was walking down the hallway. I exited the room as he came to stand in front of me.

"Your match next?" I asked as we took up to walking side by side.

"Yeah," he responded as he tried to mentally prep himself.

"Then maybe I should let you get going," I said as I stopped walking. He stopped as well and turned to look at me.

"Go to the locker room labeled '2D'," he said flatly. "Adam will be back shortly if you want to talk to him."

"Thanks Randy," I said as I pulled him into a small hug. He wasn't expecting it, but soon returned the gesture. "Have a great match. And stay safe."

"I'll try," he said with a smirk as we let go of each other. "See you later Nam."

I headed back down the hallway and entered the designated locker room. I immediately recognized Adam's jacket and smiled. At least I had found his room. I sat down on a couch and watched the screen just waiting for the match to begin so it could end. Jay's call had made me even more impatient to see Adam.

I sat in anticipation for the match to begin. And when it did, I couldn't wait for it to be over. I watched as Adam came out to be in Adam's corner. Lashley dominated the action for awhile, but Adam didn't interfere. I was getting pretty frustrated and just wanted him to get ejected from ringside. If I was the ref, he would be gone already. Of course, I was just being biased because I wanted to see him. He had yet to do anything that would cause his removal.

Randy finally seemed to be gaining momentum and the two of them were battling pretty evenly. I saw Adam was making a move to hit Lashley with the ECW belt and knew that luck was on my side. The ref caught him before he could interfere and ejected him from ringside. I almost jumped for joy as I saw him heading up the ramp. It was obvious that the interference was intentionally caught by the ref, as Adam had no intention of really wanting to help Randy.

I continued to watch the Adam-less match, but kept eyeing the door. I had never been so anxious to see someone in a long time. Every noise that I heard beyond the door made shivers run down my spine. I tried to focus on the monitor, but it seemed like an impossible task. Finally, I saw the door handle turn and Adam walked through the door. He looked frustrated as he turned my way. Soon shock replaced the frustration in his features.

"Randy told me you'd be here," I said with a smile.

"And here I thought that I would have to spend the entire night trying to track you down," he said with a laugh as he came over to take a seat next to me. I was pleasantly surprised by his lighthearted tone.

"I could leave and you could go with your original plan," I said jokingly.

"Funny," he said sarcastically as he grabbed his bag from the side of the couch. He stuffed a few things inside and got up from the seat. He pulled on his coat and slung the bag over his shoulder before offering me his hand. "You ready to get out of here?"

"Smackdown hasn't even started yet," I said in a quizzical tone.

"I know, but it's not like either of us are needed," Adam said with a chuckle. "Besides, we have plans."

"We do?" I asked. He just nodded his head and pulled me to my feet.

"Yeah, we do," he responded as he led me out of the room. 

We briskly walked down the hallway and quickly signed out for the night. There was barely anybody outside of the arena so we were easily able to leave uninterrupted. We made it to his rental car and he quickly threw his stuff in the trunk as I climbed in the passenger side seat. The driver's door opened and Adam slid in the seat. He started the car and the radio came to life. I groaned and quickly adjusted the volume.

"You are going to be deaf by age fifty if you keep this up," I said with a laugh.

"This coming from the girl who's music I can hear coming from her headphones when she listens to her IPod," Adam said sarcastically as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"Okay, so we _both_ will be deaf," I said. "But I would like to at least prolong the inevitable."

We rode in silence for awhile… well not exactly silence as the strains of music from the radio kept the car from being quiet. I had no clue where Adam was taking me, but was just happy to be around him. He kept on driving on the highway, but soon turned offat an exit that I knew too well. It looked like we were heading to my hometown. My brow furrowed in confusion as the car finally came to a stop at the neighborhood park.

"Okay, so do you mind explaining to me what we are doing here?" I asked as I looked over at the grinning expression on Adam's face.

"Follow me," he said with a wink as he opened up his door. 

I did the same and got out of the car, pulling my jacket closer to me as I tried to keep the heat in. He came over and took me by the hand and led me to the playground. We both took seats on two of the park's swings and I turned to look at him once more, utterly confused at why we were here. The moonlight cast an ominous glow on his features and he even looked more stunning than he usually did.

"So you figure out why we are here yet?" he asked with a smirk. I shook my head and hoped that he would tell me. "Just think beautiful."

I looked away from him and tried to think of the reasoning behind this trip. I tried and tried, but nothing was coming to me. He chuckled slightly and I looked over at him with a small pout. But as soon as I turned and the whole jungle gym came into view, I remembered something. And the memory brought a smile to my face once more.

* * *

_Friday January 5, 2007  
__3:06 AM_

"_You're amazing."_

_I turned over to stare into his eyes. He brushed a few damp strands of hair from my eyes and pulled me into a small kiss. I adjusted myself in his arms so my head was resting on his shoulder. He kept a strong grip on my waist, keeping me pressed up right next to him in his bed. We had a few days off before the pay-per-view on Sunday and were enjoying the start of our two month anniversary in bed. It was still three in the morning after all._

"_You're not so bad yourself," I said with a laugh as he brought his other hand up to twirl some of my hair around his finger. "Actually, you are pretty much perfect in my eyes."_

"_Perfect?" he said in a questioning tone. "I think I am far from that."_

"_No, you're pretty close," I said as I placed a small kiss on the side of his neck._

"_You've got to give me a few more minutes, babe," he said with a laugh. "Then I will be more than happy to relieve you of any tension that you may have left."_

"_No rush," I murmured. "I'm happy just being right here in your arms."_

"_I still can't believe that you only ever had one real boyfriend," Adam said, startling me by the quick change of topic. "Did you not want to date or something?"_

"_Well, Caleb and I were together for years," I said even though I knew that he was already aware of my past relationship. "And after, I guess there just wasn't anybody that caught my interest."_

"_And before?" he asked._

"_I was never the popular one Adam," I said with a sigh. "I still remember when I was around twelve years old. It was around the time I had my first crush… well my first crush on someone that I knew. His name was Zack O'Brien. The town I grew up in was very, very small so everyone knew each other. At that age, there really weren't many cliques set up. It was just the popular kids and the rest. Well, Zack was one of the populars and needless to say…"_

"_You weren't," Adam finished for me._

"_Exactly," I muttered with a laugh. "Anyway, one day our class went to the local park. I didn't have many friends, pretty much just Danielle and another girl and neither of them was coming. I tried to fit in the best I could, but… the teacher went to sit on a nearby bench and just give us free time to play. Well, let's just say that I didn't leave the park with the same feelings for him."_

"_What happened?" Adam asked as he used the hand that was in my hair to reposition my face so I was staring in his eyes._

"_I… I tried to just fade into the background, you know? Not stand out. It's not like I was going to tell him about my crush. I mean, come on. I was only twelve and didn't know much more than I found him cute. I was a pretty naïve child, but then again I didn't have a mother to talk to about many personal things," I __said with a little sniffle. "I had to learn the hard way. One thing you learn in school is that girls are so much crueler than boys. Boys just fight it out when they have a problem. Girls… they backstab, blackmail, and just plainly get revenge, even at that early of an age. Well, anyway that day the guys went off and played some tackle football. It was more or less guys just running into to each other and wrestling them to the ground, but whatever. The girls on the other hand sat around and talked… music, movies, boys, all the regular topics of gossip. They spotted me sitting alone and came over. I thought that they were just trying to be nice, but after awhile, it was just their way of teasing."_

"_So how does 'what's his face' fit in all of this?" Adam asked as he saw that I was upset and he hated even bringing up the memory in the first place._

"_Well, when it got to the topic of boys, I sort of let it slip that I liked Zack," I said softly. "Pretty much every girl in the school had a thing for him, the head bitch of the school especially. And of course, she was one of the girls in attendance. Nicole pretty much hated my guts and not for any reason other than I existed. I got good grades in school and was happy with who I was. She changed that. She… went over to the guys and I don't really know what she said, but they all stopped their playing. They came over to the group and Nicole said that everyone was going to pair off to dance, as the teacher had brought a radio for us to listen to."_

"_And you got paired with Zack right?" Adam asked in a flat tone._

"_Not exactly," I muttered. "I didn't get paired up at all. There were an odd number of kids and Nicole knew it. I was excluded once more, but this time it was so blatant. They all started dancing and were having a great time. I didn't care all that much. I wasn't really friends with any of them to begin with. But then, I saw Nicole, whose partner of course was Zack, whisper in his ear. He looked my way and laughed. I knew what she had said. I hated them all at that moment, especially when he went around and told all of the others whatever Nicole had told him. Every time I went to that park after that day… I still can't stand it. I hated myself that day. It was the first time I ever hated who I was. I even blamed my mother for not being around and helping me through things like that. I tried to explain things to my father, but it wasn't the same. I know that it sounds stupid and juvenile, but… it was a reason that I didn't try and have a relationship for a long time. I still remember Zack's face… ugh, I hated them all."_

"_And you had every reason to," Adam said as he pulled me so I was straddling his form. "You are beautiful Nami, inside and out. And I'm going to make you see it."_

_"You have a time machine?" I asked with a laugh asI laid down on his chest._

_"We won't need one."_

* * *

"May I have this dance?"

I was driven from my thoughts as Adam stood up and pulled me from the swing. I laughed as he pulled me closer to him. A tear slid from the corner of my eye as I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"There's no music," I muttered softly, as we swayed in the silence.

"We don't need any beautiful," he said as he pulled back to look down at me. "I know that I may be over ten years too late, but I want you to know that you are the prettiest girl in the sixth grade class."

I laughed at his attempt to sound like a young boy. He failed miserably, but it didn't matter. I still couldn't believe that he had taken me here. Yet it was definitely erasing the memory that I had been trying to forget since the day it happened. I guess we didn't need that time machine after all. He took my hand in his and spun me around. I laughed as he dipped me to the side, but instead of pulling me back up, he held the pose and finally said the words I so longed to hear.

"I love you."


	42. Just To Lie With My Mistakes

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. Dialogue from this chapter is from the 3/19/07 Raw broadcast. Thanks to everyone who has read, added, and reviewed. I love you all and especially my reviewers who keep me going every day with this story - "Inday", "68 stones from a broken heart", "SkyyRyder", "unlimited emerald0307", "Fozzy-Floozy", "XtremeGirl619", "Hatter-Zombie," and "Farra Sti". Tanki tanki to all! _

_This chapter deals with stuff that may seem to be affected by recent circumstances, but is really added because it happened at the time of the story. It took me awhile to actually write some parts of it and cut a lot of the part with Jeff out cause I just didn't feel comfortable with it. Now on a lighter note, I think that there is only going to be three or four more chapters of this part of the story. Then it will be on to the aftermath of Nami's departure. There will be some flashbacks during that time so things that aren't touched on in the upcoming chapters will not be forgotten. Thanks to everyone for their continued support! Peace and Love!_

* * *

"You have to get ready for your segment."

"Already did."

"You should look at your lines once more."

"Don't need to."

I tried to reason with Adam once more, but he quickly silenced me by moving his lips from my neck to my mouth. He wrapped his arms tighter around my form and pressed me further into the material of the couch. I moaned deep in my throat as Adam ran his hand along my thigh underneath my dress. Releasing the grasp I had on his blond locks, I wound my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me. He growled at my possessive action.

"I think he's in here."

I tried to push Adam off of me, but failed miserably. Yet reluctantly, he broke the kiss and looked over toward the door. I couldn't see much from my position, but I knew that the voice belonged to Randy. Adam didn't show signs of rising from the couch so I was still stuck under his form, not that I minded all that much.

"You need to be more careful," Randy said, as Adam kept his attention focused on presumably the Legend Killer's form. "I don't even want to think what would have happened if Nam walked in."

"I can honestly say that _that_ would be impossible," Adam responded as he finally pushed off and sat back on his knees.

"I second that notion," I said as I pushed myself into a sitting position on the couch, my legs still caught underneath Adam's form. I maneuvered my form so I could look toward Randy in the doorway. "Surprised to see me?"

"Very," he said with a small grin and a chuckle. ""I guess this means that our male space is being invaded once again."

"You don't have to worry about that," I said with a laugh. "I think I am going to continue to room with the Divas."

"No, you aren't," Adam said as he pulled my sitting form right against his kneeling one. "You are staying right here."

"No, I'm not," I said in a sing-song tone.

"Yes, you are," he repeated, using the same tone as I had just used. I just shook my head and gave Adam a little mock pout. He laughed and brought his lips to mine, catching my uncovered bottom lip lightly between his teeth.

"I think I liked it better when you were at each other's throats, not _down them_," Randy said with a groan. I laughed and pushed back from Adam's kiss to give Randy a revolted face. He just shrugged and looked toward Adam. "We need to film a spot."

"Where?" Adam asked as he got up off the couch, finally giving me full use of my legs.

"Right here actually," Randy said, as he moved out of the way and a camera crew started to file in. "Figured I would give you the heads up before they came. Good thing I did."

Adam nodded a greeting to the crew as theygot themselves set up. He then turned his attention back to me once more with a huge grin on his face. I smiled back as he leaned his head down on my shoulder.

"You going to stay and watch?" Adam asked as he twirled some of my hair around his fingers.

"I don't think I should," I said with a laugh. "I think I would just be a distraction."

"You're never a distraction," Adam said as he leaned up and captured my lips in his once more. I groaned softly in frustration, but it didn't make Adam relent. He knew where I stood on public displays of affection. I pulled back by getting up off of the couch.

"We're all set," one of the crew workers said as the backstage manager entered the room. 

Adam sobered up slightly as he tried to get into character. He got up off the couch and gave me a quick peck on the cheek before walking over to his bag. I saw that the couch that we had previously been occupying was out of the camera's view so I took a seat. Adam pulled a black baseball cap from his bag and put it on, as his hair was in a total state of disarray thanks to our time on the couch.

"Beautiful, can you hand me my coffee?" he asked as he flashed me a smile. I nodded and reached over to grab his coffee off of the table. I got up and gave it to him which earned another quick kiss.

"You two keep this up and we will never get this taped," Randy said with a smirk. I walked back over to the couch, yet not before shoving the Legend Killer slightly for his quip. I settled myself down as the two men were prepped for the upcoming shoot.

The past week had gone by quicker than I would have liked. After Adam's homecoming surprise on Tuesday, we officially became a couple once more. He had gone out of his way to do something absolutely special and there was no way I could let any little doubts stand in the way of a relationship. Since I didn't have a live event until Sunday and he was still out nursing his injury, we spent the next few days together.

Instead of spending our time in New Jersey, we flew to his place in Florida and spent the shortened week off there. Adam had that planned as well, and I found out that that was the reason for Jay's odd behavior. The four of us, Jay's wife included, spent some time together. I had forgotten how much I actually missed hanging out with them until I did it once again.

Sunday morning, I had to fly out and attend a live event in Indiana. I actually got to wrestle a match with Melina. It was a pretty short match, but was still amazing to be back in the ring working a singles match. It also helped that Melina and I had become pretty good friends as of late. She ended up being the victor, but I was still ecstatic at actually being given the chance to be in the ring. It gave me more to write about for my story.

Even though I wrestled, I still valeted for Jeff's match later that night. He had an Intercontinental title match against Umaga. It was more or less just a squash match, with Jeff barely given the chance to show much offense. He got in a Whisper in the Wind, but that was about it. He didn't mind so much, as it was an easy night for him.

Even though Adam and I were together again, I didn't tell either John or Randy. They were Adam's friends first and foremost so I figured he could be the one to tell them. So I spent the night talking and spending time with Jeff. It was weird that ever since our little discussion, everything seemed so much better. We were closer than we had ever been and I was truly pleased. It was like we hadn't lost a step in our relationship.

"Alright, everyone quiet on the set."

I thought they only said that in movies. I looked over and smiled at Adam as he picked up the WWE magazine and pretended to be intrigued by it. Randy stood right outside of the crew's way as he was going to be making an entrance, not already on the screen.

"Action!"

"_Picture of Kristal,"_ Adam said in an annoyed tone as he flipped to another page in the magazine and a happy grin appeared on his face. "_Picture of me… picture of Kristal!"_

"_What the hell is your problem Edge?"_ Randy roared as he came into the picture, standing right in front of the sitting Adam. My boyfriend pulled his attention away from the magazine to look up at Randy in a little bit of confusion. He rose and continued to have an annoyed, confused look on his face. "_What the hell is your problem man? Quit playing games with me. You sold me out on ECW last week."_

"_What are you talking about?" _Adam muttered after he turned away from Randy to pick up his cup of coffee.

"_You got yourself… what am I talking about? You got yourself kicked out of ringside on purpose!" _Randy yelled as Adam turned his head away from him. He gave Randy a slight shake of the head with his usual devious Edge grin plastered on his face. He sighed which just caused Randy to go irate once more as he grabbed the magazine from Adam's hand and chucked it to the side. "_Man, listen to what I'm saying. You left me out high and dry."_

Adam just nodded his head in an irritated manner as he looked down and away from Randy. He put the coffee cup to his lips and drank, which caused another outburst from the Legend Killer.

"_Yeah, have a sip. Have a sip of your coffee,"_ Randy said, gesturing to Adam's nonchalant behavior. I put my hand over my mouth to stop the laugh that was about to escape. I think that this would be the last time that I would sit in on one of his flimings.

"_Yeah, because you need to calm down,"_ Adam said as he turned to look at Randy once more.

"_Because I need to calm down?"_ Randy asked in a heated tone, as Adam set the coffee down once more on the bench behind him.

"_It was an accident,"_ Adam said as he tried to reason with Randy, but he was hearing none of it. Yeah, this tag team was definitely not lasting past Wrestlemania.

"_It was an accident?"_ Randy repeated, as I began to feel that I was watching the same thing over and over again.

"_I didn't get thrown out on purpose,"_ Adam attested as Randy continued on in his rant.

"_An accident huh? Oh, and accidents just seem to happen to Edge, don't they?"_ Randy asked, in more of a rhetorical, annoyed manner than a real question.

"_You know, actually they seem to, yeah," _Adam answered.

"_You know what? Well, I talked to Mr. McMahon about the last chance battle royal tonight for the Money in the Bank ladder match spot at Wrestlemania,"_ Randy said with a smug look on his face.

"_Yeah yeah, great. Nine guys now. Perfect,"_ Adam said in frustration.

"_Oh, you think nine, but there's only eight cause that spot that everyone's fighting for… it's your spot Edge,"_ Randy said as the two men stood so close to each other I thought that they were about to kiss.

"_What the hell? My spot!"_ Adam screamed after a few moments of not truly comprehending what Randy had said. He threw his hat off of his head and continued to yell right into Randy's face. Yeah, Rated RKO is pretty much doomed from here on in.

"_You heard what I said!" _Randy bellowed back at Adam as both men just continued with their screaming match.

"_I earned my damn spot!"_ Adam attested once more. Yeah, he earned his spot and an injury from his Money in the Bank match with RVD. I knew that he was still in the match at Wrestlemania, but that would mean that he actually had to wrestle tonight. Even though Adam was more than capable to spend intimate time with me, he wasn't cleared to wrestle yet.

"_Vince McMahon said that we were going to ECW to take out Bobby Lashley," _Randy explained to an angered Adam. "_He said that we were going to take out Bobby Lashley for good. Because of you, we failed. We failed because of you! You're just lucky that Vince McMahon is a nice enough man to let you compete in that battle royal to get your spot back."_

They moved closer together so that their noses were touching. Again, I had to stop my laughter from slipping out as I watched the two angry men meet in an intense stare. Randy's expression turned into his normal smug smirk as he pulled back and the left the filming area. Adam was left staring off at Randy's retreating form with an intensely angry look on his face.

"And… cut! Well done."

Randy and Adam spent a few moments talking some things over with the manager of the shoot while the other workers disassembled their equipment. They hastily shuffled out of the room, probably to go film another backstage spot for the night. I just took the whole process in from the couch, trying to grasp how even a small one minute spot took a lot of work to put together.

"You aren't actually going to wrestle tonight, are you?" I asked as Adam came back over to sit next to me.

"God, you are like a broken record," Randy said with a laugh as he took a swig from his water bottle.

"If anyone is a broken record, it would be _you_ in that segment," I said, as I recalled how Randy repeated Adam's lines three or four times. Randy didn't verbally respond but mocked my mannerisms when I spoke. I turned back to my boyfriend with a small smile. "So, you going to answer my question?"

"I need to go out there, but I'm not going to be really wrestling," he said as he placed a light kiss on my temple. "And I'm getting better. I think I've proven that fact to you. But if you need some more proof, I would be more than happy to oblige."

I laughed as he pulled me closer to him and placed a light kiss on his lips. His jaw injury was healing nicely, but he wasn't cleared to wrestle yet. But I guess that Vince wouldn't risk one of his top Superstars getting injured.

"Alright, enough of that," Randy said as he pushed me away and squeezed in between the two of us on the couch. "We need to go over some things for tonight in my match."

"Do you want me to go find Jeff?" I asked, as Randy's opponent tonight just so happened to be my on-screen boyfriend.

"I saw him a few minutes ago," Randy answered. "Said he would stop by."

"Oh," I answered as I leaned my head against Randy's shoulder. "So… do you plan on moving anytime soon?"

"I'm quite comfortable right here," he said, as he looked over at me with his normal smirk adorning his features. I rolled my eyes at his tone and was about to retort when there was a knock on the door. "Come in!"

I smiled as Jeff opened the door and came inside the locker room. I waved as he pulled over a folding chair and sat down across from the couch we were all seated on. He shot me a confused glance as he noticed my position next to Randy on the couch. I just laughed slightly as he turned his attention back to the other two men.

"So you find out how long we have?" Randy asked Jeff as he leaned back into the couch.

"Like four minutes," Jeff said with a sardonic chuckle. "Melina and Candice's match is even given more time."

"Really?" I said with a laugh of my own. I found it quite comical that two of the business' top names were given such a short amount of time on-screen.

"Why aren't you in the match?" Randy asked, turning to glance my way. "You wrestled Melina yesterday?"

"Tonight is a bra and panties match," I said with a nervous laugh. "_So_ not my style."

"I'd have no objections," Randy said with a wink.

"I would," Adam and Jeff said at the same time. I saw both Adam and Randy give looks Jeff's way. I laughed nervously and shifted my gaze from all three men, none of which looked too happy.

"Why don't we get back to discussing your match," I said with a smile as I looked beyond Randy to find my boyfriend's eyes. I pleaded with him not to start anything.

"Well, it's obvious that I should dominate at the beginning," Randy said in his normal arrogant tone. I rolled my eyes and leaned back against the arm of the couch. "I'll get you in a submission hold…"

"But I'll get to the ropes," Jeff interrupted. "Then, _I_ will control the match. I guess, when I hit the Whisper in the Wind that can be your cue."

The attention turned to Adam who just nodded at Jeff's direction. I hadn't really looked over what was supposed to happen in the match, so all of this was news to me. I didn't even know that Adam was going to have to wrestle tonight.

"I'll bring the ladder in the ring," Adam said before turning to look at Randy. "Then you use it on him and get DQed."

"Then I try to taunt you into the ring," Randy said to Adam.

"But I attack with a Twist of Fate," Jeff said with a small smile.

"And I celebrate by kissing Nami," Adam said with a grin.

"Um… no," both Jeff and I said, almost in unison with each other after a few moments of silence. We both turned toward each other with small smiles on our faces.

"And we were on such a roll there," Randy said, trying to break the tension that had fallen over the room. "Alright, so then you're going to have to end up using the ladder… build up the match a little more."

"My back's not in the best of shape today," Jeff said somewhat sheepishly, like he should be embarrassed that he is human. "I think I'll just go for a leg drop, if that is okay with you."

"Whatever," Randy said with a shrug. "And I guess we'll just figure out the rest as it comes."

Both men nodded their heads. I looked over at the now quiet Adam. I didn't mean formy rebuttalto come out so hasty. I just had a good thing going with Jeff and didn't want to fuck it up. Besides, I really didn't want the creative team to be put on the spot because of it. They would need to come up with something quick to explain it.

"Now that all of that is settled, I'm going to get ready for the match," Jeff said, more to me than the other two as they could care less.

"I'll stop by when the broadcast starts," I said with a smile as he got up and gave me a quick hug.

"See ya'll later," he said with a wave as he left the room.

Randy got up from his seat and I immediately shifted over right next to Adam. I took his hand in mine and lightly kissed him on the cheek. He turned to look at me with an unreadable expression on his face. I knew that he couldn't exactly be serious with his idea of us kissing in front of the cameras, but I guess my swift answer hurt his ego.

"You do realize how much trouble we would get in if we kissed out there," I said softly as I lightly squeezed his hand in a comforting gesture.

"It would be worth it," he said with a small grin. I grinned myself as I leaned in and kissed him briefly. He tried to keep me from moving away, yet out of courtesy to Randy, I had to decline. I pulled back, but kept my head resting on his shoulder.

"I don't want your push to suffer because of me," I said softly. "You have a good thing going."

"It would be even better if I could actually get in the ring and wrestle," Adam said with a frustrated sigh.

"You'll be back soon enough," Randy said before I could respond. "Besides, you know that your first opponent after Wrestlemania will probably be me. It's pretty obvious that they are setting us up for a feud."

"And you know that I'm going to take out all my pent up frustration on you, right?" Adam said jokingly.

"You can try," Randy said with a smirk. I rolled my eyes at their conversation.

"I think I'm going to go back to my locker room," I said with a laugh. "Not as many raging_ egos_ to deal with."

"What did I say about you staying in this locker room like you did before?" Adam asked with a grin as he turned to look down at me.

"We never actually got to finish that argument," I said coyly as I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Well, why don't we pick up where we left off?" Adam offered with a raise of his eyebrows. "I think we were right about… here."

Before I could protest, he brought his lips down upon mine once more. I heard a groan from the other side of the room and lightly chuckled into Adam's mouth. The action allowed Adam to intensify the kiss as his tongue quickly found its way inside my open lips. Both of my hands continued to run through Adam's hair as I pushed all thoughts of Randy's presence to the back of my mind.

"And what do we have here?"

Adam and I broke apart at the sound of John Cena's amused tone. I looked toward the door and spied the grinning champ.

"Thank God!" Randy muttered as he saw that we had broken apart. "They've been going at it for hours."

"It was like one minute!" I attested as John came over and took a seat next to me on the couch. I saw that he had something that he was twisting around in his hand. He saw me eyeing it and sighed deeply.

"I take it you guys haven't seen the latest Sports Illustrated," John stated, more as a statement rather than a question. 

Adam shot him a confused look, which caused John to pass the magazine in his hand to him. He unraveled the rolled up magazine and read the open page. I tried to peer over his shoulder, but he was doing a good job at keep the text from me. But by the look on his face, I realized that it wasn't good news.

"Orton, you may want to take a look at this shit," Adam spat out as he chucked the magazine Randy's way. He ran his hand through his hair and looked down at my worried expression. "Don't worry about it babe."

I looked back over to Randy and saw as he perused the content of the magazine. I didn't think that Sports Illustrated really ever covered pro-wrestling. It wasn't like I read the magazine that often, but I was pretty sure that they considered it a fake sport. Hell, I sort of did before joining the company. I would like them to take a Samoan Spike off of the ring apron. Then they could talk.

"I love how they never cover anything good about the business!" Randy muttered coldly as he too chucked the magazine, but this time, it hit the wall and slid to the floor. "I love how they say that we didn't want to comment! I have a few things I would like to say to them."

"Just forget it man," John said, trying to get Randy to calm down. "All that shit is in the past. They can't argue with the Wellness Policy."

That's when I knew: it was about steroids. Of course that is when the sports reporters would cover wrestling, when they do something wrong. Any other time, it is like the business doesn't even exist. I placed a light kiss on Adam's cheek and leaned against him. I knew about his past HGH use. He was very open about it. It's not something that he is very proud of, but he hasn't hid the fact. I just knew that it had to hurt as the only time your name is printed in sports columns in to condemn prior actions. I just hoped that my story, if it ever got printed, could try and make it right. I had heard Adam's story from his mouth and maybe I could make the general public see that these men aren't what they are made out to be.

"You know after this there are going to be even more random tests," Randy said with a cold laugh. "It's so fucking ridiculous that the first person to fuck up is going to be like a martyr for the cause."

"You think someone is going to get fired?" I asked.

"I don't think it. I know it."

* * *

"Wanna help me write this?"

I looked up from my journal over at Adam who was staring blankly at his laptop screen. The night had gone very well in the ring. Adam still had his spot in the Money in the Bank match, after faking a knee injury to sit on the outside for most of the battle royal. Jeff won his bout against Randy because of the use of the ladder. And I… well, I didn't do much, but that was just because Ashley was getting her push to go against Melina at Wrestlemania. Vince had already told me that it was very likely that I would be going up against the champ at Backlash. There was no way that I was actually going to win the match: still too green in the business. Nevertheless, I was happy to be even put in that caliber of a match.

"Help you write what?" I asked as I shut my journal and crawled to the edge of the bed where he was lying. "A Myspace blog? _You_… have a Myspace? Trying to pick up girls or something?"

He whacked me lightly with the pillow he was resting on before turning his attention back to the screen.

"It's not _my_ Myspace," Adam said with a laugh. "It's Edge's…well, not exactly."

"Huh?" I muttered as I laid right next to his form.

"Like, I'm Adam on the site, but through my character. It's hard to explain," he said as he leaned over to place a light kiss on my lips.

"Uh-huh," I muttered as he turned to look at the blank text box. "So why the sudden interest in writing?"

"I just want to actually comment on the article that came out," he said as his fingers hovered over the keys. "It might say that I didn't have any comments, but I think they are seriously mistaken."

"I don't think you need my help for this," I said with a laugh. "You are the published author in this relationship."

I always got a kick out of that fact. Sure, I had done some freelance writing and proofreading for Hachette, but_ I_ was never published. Adam had a book to his name. Talk about a punch to the ego. Luckily, mine wasn't that big to begin with.

"That maybe be true, but I wasn't an English major in college," he said with a laugh as he turned his attention back to me. "And needn't you forget that you did work for a publishing company."

Nope, I definitely didn't need to be reminded of that. The evidence was lying just a few feet away from us on the bed. 

"I know all too well," I said with a laugh. "But you know that this should come straight from you, right? You don't need me to help. You wrote your whole life story and didn't need my help."

"Actually, you make my whole life story so much brighter," he said with a cheeky grin. I rolled my eyes at his comment which earned a playful shove in return. "So much for me being charming. I think its effect is wearing off on you."

"That could never happen," I whispered as nibbled lightly on his ear lobe. 

He groaned in response and turned to capture my lips in his. I smiled and pulled him closer to me as I happily parted my lips to grant him entrance. Yet as soon as I tried to pull his tee over his head, Adam pulled back with a grin on his face.

"Hold that thought beautiful," Adam said as he turned his attention back to the screen. "I'll be done in a few minutes… once I figure out what to say."

"You know that the internet will be there tomorrow," I whined as massaged his shoulders lightly, hoping that it would pry him away from his computer. 

I really wanted to be with him and couldn't believe that he would rather type away on his computer. I knew that his fans meant a lot to him, but _come on_! I had needs too. I didn't want to sound like a needy girlfriend, but now that we were actually together, I didn't think it was too much to ask. Especially since I was probably only going to be around for another month… I wanted this month to last a lifetime.

"Two minutes," Adam muttered as he finally started to type. "Is _blogees_ a word?"

"What happened to the guy whose only addictions are sex and violence?" I asked sarcastically with a laugh. "I think it even says that on the shirt you're wearing."

"Cute," Adam muttered flatly. "I promise… _two minutes_. And then I am all yours for the night."

I groaned as I saw that he was quite intent on writing his statement. I got up off of the bed and pulled my Rated R Superstar sweatshirt over my head. I was only wearing boxers and a bra at the time, but knew that I couldn't exactly leave the room in that attire. And I didn't want to just wait around for him to finish. Even though he said only two minutes, knowing him it would be two hours.

"I'm gonna go get some coffee," I muttered as I grabbed my key card. "You want anything?"

"I'm good babe," he muttered as he continued to type, barely managing a wave.

I walked out of the room, slamming the door a little harder than normal hoping that it would make him screw up in his writing. I knew that I was acting like a brat, but I couldn't help the fact that I wanted to be with Adam. After months of trying to ignore my feelings, I was finally more than willing to be totally open about them. And now, I was the one being semi-rejected… well, not exactly _rejected_. But I was definitely being pushed to the side. 

I grumbled all the way to the lobby. I was all hot and bothered and wanted my release. I knew that I could just take matters into my own hands, but decided that I would wait for Adam. He had waited for me to come to my senses long enough that I could give him some time to do his own business, even though I really didn't understand the urgency.

I made my way over to the coffee machine near the cafeteria and pulled the crumbled dollar bill from my sweatshirt pocket. I straightened it out to the best of my abilities before trying to slide it in the machine. Nothing doing… it was too old and ragged. I sighed and knocked my head slightly against the machine. Nothing seemed to be going right for me.

"Need some help?"

I smiled as I turned around and saw Jeff walking this way. I should have known that whenever I was in trouble, he would be around. It was like he had a sixth sense or something.He came over and surveyed my situation with a small chuckle. He pulled his wallet from his pocket and retrieved a dollar that was in a much better condition than mine. He slid it in and smiled at me. I pushed the button of the desired blend and went to hand him the crumpled bill.

"You can keep it darlin'," Jeff said with a laugh. "It's on me."

"Thanks," I murmured as I retrieved my newly dispensed coffee. "At least I know someone loves me."

"Do I even want to know what happened between you two?" Jeff asked with a charming grin on his face.

"He has been bothered ever since John showed him the Sports Illustrated article," I said as we slowly walked back into the main area of the lobby. "You read it?"

"Yeah, I saw it," he muttered. "All that shit is in the past though."

"Try telling that to Adam who is upstairs right now writing a Myspace blog on the subject," I said with a chuckle.

"You serious?" Jeff asked with a laugh of his own.

"Uh-huh," I murmured with a nod of my head, as the two of us made our way to a few chairs so we could sit down and talk. There was no need for me to rush back, as Adam was still probably busy with his writing. "You have one?"

"One what? A _Myspace_?" he asked which earned a nod from me. "Nah, Matt does though. I can barely handle my own personal affairs without having to deal with all of that responsibility. Matt updates his pretty regularly. I would never be able to do that."

"Me either," I muttered. "Besides, I am happy to keep some of my life private."

"I think you are beginning to see how impossible that is in this business," he said. "You know, with the whole steroid article? Things like that haunt you for the rest of your career… probably even after. Trust me, I know."

I knew that he was talking about his own battle with drugs. He had told me about it a few times before. It was not something that he was very proud to talk about, but like he always said, he had no real regrets in life. According to him, his failed drug tests that eventually led to him being let go by the company was more about not caring about the business anymore. Wrestling was consuming his whole life and he was just too burned out to care. It was his way out.

"Yeah, I can see that," I muttered as I took a small sip of the hot, bitter liquid in my hand. "So what brings you down here?"

"I was just talking to my pop," Jeff said as he gestured to the cell phone still in his hand. I just nodded my head and took another sip.

"I hope all is well," I said with a smile.

"Yeah, everything's fine," he said returning my smile. "I just won't be able to spend that much time at home in the coming weeks. You know, with Wrestlemania coming up and then the tour of Italy."

I nodded. In a few weeks, both brands were going to be doing a tour of Italy. I was elated when I heard the news as Italy was always a place that I wanted to travel to. I had a great passion for art history and was hoping that we would be given some time to do a little exploring of our own.

"I can't wait for Italy," I said enthusiastically.

"I can tell," he said, responding to my joyous tone. "Any reason in particular?"

We spent a few minutes discussing our upcoming trip. I promised Jeff that he and I would definitely find time to sneak away and do some sightseeing. I knew a lot about Italian art since it was the bulk of my art history courses in college and I would be more than happy to share my experience with someone. I knew that he was interested in the stuff unlike Adam, even though I would ask if he wanted to tagalong. Knowing him, he would just go so Jeff and I wouldn't be alone together. Yes, _some things_ die hard and his suspicions never will.

"Well, I better get back," I said as I stood from my seat and threw the empty cup into the nearest trash bin. "Adam has to be done writing by now."

"I'll walk with you," he said as he rose as well. "So, are you going to valet at Wrestlemania?"

"Probably not," I said with a small chuckle. "I really don't want to be in the way. Eight guys in the ring at once… yeah, I definitely think I'll sit that one out."

"I don't blame you," he said as we got into the elevator. "It's bound to be insane at ringside."

"Is the match planned yet?" I asked as we both hit our floor number buttons. "Like do you know who's going to win?"

"Not yet," he said. "Like... I'm sure that they have it planned, but the eight of us haven't heard anything yet. Probably next week... I'll tell you as soon as I know."

"You do that," I said with a small grin. The elevator doors opened at my floor. "You going to Smackdown tomorrow?"

"Nah, I was probably just going to take it easy," he said. "I have a few signings in the area on Wednesday."

"So you're free tomorrow?" I asked with a smile as I stepped out of the elevator, but in the way of the door so it wouldn't close.

"It would appear that way," he replied with a grin.

"Do you mind if you have some company?" I asked with a smile. "Adam's going home to Toronto for a few days and…"

"And you aren't going?" he asked as I tried to keep the door from sliding shut.

"He made the plans before we actually resolved our problems," I said with a laugh. "He wants me to go, but I'd rather wait a little while longer before I meet his family."

Truth was, I didn't want to get even more attached than I already was. I still had to sort out what I would do when I left the WWE.

"That's reasonable, even though is it just my imagination or did you have him meet all of your family a few weeks into your relationship?" he asked with a grin on his face.

"Shut up," I muttered as I lightly pushed him. He came over and gave me a quick hug and peck on the lips.

"You better get going," he said. "We are sort of taking over this elevator at the moment."

"Right," I said with a small laugh. "Call me tomorrow."

"Of course," he replied with a wink. "Good night darlin'."

"Night," I replied as I stepped back and continued my way back to my hotel room. 

Adam had reserved single rooms for the next few weeks. Melina and I were still supposed to be sharing, but I was now probably going to be bunking with Adam for the remainder of my contract. She didn't seem to mind the extra space and privacy.

I slid the key card into the slot of our door and pushed it open. I walked into the main section of the room and saw that Adam was nowhere in sight. His laptop was still open on the bed, so I went over to see if he had actually completed his statement. His Myspace was still open and I saw that he had written a new entry. I started to read through it until I felt two arms wrap around me from behind. I looked away from the screen and up at my grinning boyfriend.

"So did it really only take you two minutes?" I asked with a smile. 

He kneeled behind me on the bed and lightly kissed my neck. He gently tugged my sweatshirt over my head and I realized that I wasn't going to get an answer to my question… not like I really cared. He gently pushed me further onto the bed and put his laptop on the nearby desk. He got on the bed and crawled over top of me with a hungry grin on his face.

"Oh, so _now_ you pay attention to me," I murmured sarcastically as he brought his lips down to kiss the top of breasts that were pushed out over the top of my bra. 

He looked back into my eyes with the same grin on his face. He moved his hand up and underneath my boxers to run along the hidden flesh at my core. I moaned slightly as I shut my eyes and slightly arched my back into his touch. He used his free hand to unclasp my bra and skillfully pull it from my body, with some assistance from me. He continued his tortuous pleasure as his other hand went to massage my right breast. I moaned once again and felt the early signs of being taken over the edge. Yet just when I thought that the end was near, Adam stopped all of his actions and crawled further up my body so our lips were hovering close together.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" I muttered, speaking of his blissful teasing. He chuckled softly as our eyes locked, both pairs full of love and desire.

"Is my enormous grin showing?" 


	43. Spin Around Me Like A Dream

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. This chapter contains dialogue from 3/26/07 Raw broadcast (favorite Cutting Edge ever!) and the 3/27/07 ECW broadcast. Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed. "68 stones from a broken heart", "XtremeGirl619", "Fozzy-Floozy", "unlimited emerald0307", "Hatter-Zombie", and "Farra Sti" - I thank you immensely for your reviews. _

_Sorry that the chapter took so long to write, but it is my longest one ever! A lot of drama in it as this is the first of the three final chapters of Nami's WWE run. There will be flashbacks in the next part that deal with her last few days so if things look like they are missing, especially between the next two chapters, they will be addressed. A lot of drama is going to be in the next two chapters as well, but I won't give away any secrets except that she does walk away from the WWE which is obvious from the first chapter of the story. Thanks again to everyone who has read and especially reviewed. Peace and Love!!_

* * *

"So, did I call it or what?"

I sent Randy a glare as I went over to put a hand on Melina's shoulder. A bunch of us were still sitting in the catering area after being told that Joey Mercury was being released. He had even showed up to the taping tonight, but was told to go home. Melina was there with him when he was called into Vince's office, and from the look on her face, she wasn't doing so well. We all suspected that the release had something to do with a violation of the Wellness Policy, but no one was sure. We just attended a brief meeting where no details were given. Yet I guess in the end, Randy was right.

"After all the media attention the company got for the article, you would have to be an idiot to fail the test right now," Randy commented in his usual smug manner.

"You are such a fucking prick sometimes Orton," Melina commented as she got up from the table and exited the area. I shot him another glare as I rose from my seat. Adam reached over and took my hand in his.

"I think she needs some space," he muttered softly. "Just give her some time to be alone."

"Maybe, but I don't think _your _comments helped any," I said staring directly at Randy on the other side of the table.

"I just spoke the truth," he said with a shrug.

I sat back down in my chair, but Adam didn't let go of my hand. I smiled as he ran his thumb in circles on my skin in a comforting gesture. Even though I didn't know him all that well, Joey was still a member of the WWE family. And even though it was most likely that he did fail his drug test, I didn't think that that was cause for termination of his contract... well, unless it was his third offense. Yet I didn't think that he was already on his third strike. Maybe there was some truth to Randy's martyr theory; not like I would _tell him_ after the way he was acting.

The past week went by much slower than the previous one. I spent a few days just hanging out around Indianapolis with Jeff. We relaxed, did some shopping, and just all in all had a great time. I felt so comfortable around him and his friendship was something that I would cherish. It made the reality of my upcoming situation so much harder to deal with. I had a meeting with Vince on Saturday before the live event and he informed me that I was going to face Melina at Backlash. It was just a confirmation of something I already knew, but his next announcement was what really jolted me back into reality. He was going to offer me a two year contract.

I, Nami Shepherd, was actually going to earn a full-time contract based on merit, not on some Diva Search win. And as excited as I was by the prospect, I knew that I couldn't accept it. I had a mission when I started and it was coming to a close. This wasn't my life, no matter how much I tried to convince myself of it. This life would never be my life. There were times when I thought that I would never be able to pull away, but then there were times when I just wanted to start running. This business was not for me, no matter how hard I tried to pretend like it could be. And it was beginning to show.

_

* * *

__Wednesday March 21, 2007  
3:05 PM – Indianapolis, Indiana_

"_I think I've slowed down quite a bit. I don't try or attempt even half of the stuff I used to want to try back in the day when I was a lot younger."_

"_Whatever you say."_

_Jeff shot me an amused glance as he stopped speaking into the phone. He had been conducting a phone interview for some website for over forty minutes. It gave me a chance to write in my journal since I haven't had as much time as of late to recall my adventures. I was too busy living them. His interview also gave me a chance to learn more about some of Jeff's career without having to ask the questions. Granted, I didn't exactly know what the interviewer was saying, but I could get a good grasp of it._

"_It takes a toll on the body throughout the years," Jeff continued and I could only nod in an unneeded response. "But still, the Swanton is something I feel extremely confident and safe in doing. I would still like to do an extremely high one, one of these days. It would be great to do it at 'Mania, but I don't think this year because it's not the right type of match…"_

"_And you would probably end up doing it on Adam anyway," I muttered. _

_He put his hand on the receiver and lightly shushed me. I was about to apologize, but I looked up and saw a big smile on his face and knew that he wasn't really bothered. He just wanted to get the interview over with. I smiled back and gestured for him to continue. He put the receiver back up to his mouth and apologized for the disturbance before continuing._

_I continued my writing yet stopped sometimes to intently listen to his conversation. The past day and a half Jeff and I spent almost every moment in each other's company. At times, there was a little tension between the two of us because there were obvious romantic feelings that we were trying to bury. Ever since we kissed… really kissed, things have been slightly different between the two of us. We were best friends with something hidden underneath. But that was where it was going to stay. Besides, he made it quite clear many times that even if there were feelings, it would never amount to any more than that. I just wasn't the girl for him, not that that bothered me much. It set my mind at ease, knowing that he didn't think about trying to be with me._

"_It's tough," Jeff said with chuckle breaking me from my own thoughts and pseudo-writing. "The biggest change is that time just goes by so fast when you're on the road. It seems like it's only been a month or so since I've been back and it's already been more than half a year."_

_I nodded my head and looked back down at my sheet. Not much was written as I was intrigued by Jeff's interview. I had already recounted much of Monday's events, the Raw broadcast, the Sports Illustrated article, and of course I included a copy of Adam's reply. He definitely didn't need my help as it came out perfect just the way he wrote it. It was just like his book, written in his own way of writing._

_Not much happened on Tuesday, as both Jeff and I decided to take the day to just relax. But Matt did call and let us know that most of the Smackdown roster was given 'random' drug tests. No one sounded very surprised and I couldn't say that I was either. Randy had made it pretty clear that that was going to __happen. Not like I go to Randy Orton for the most reliable information, but still… it seemed like a sure thing._

"_I know some of the moves Shelton did are going to be hard to top, especially when he ran up the ladder," Jeff said with a grin on his face, obviously talking about last year's Money in the Bank match. "But I have a few things up my sleeve that I'm going to try and pull off."_

_He shot me a smile and I gave him a wary look. On Monday, the eight competitors were going to get together and work over some things for the match. I didn't know if they were going to know the exact outcome at that time, but they were going to discuss what they wanted to do and what they didn't. From the look in Jeff's eyes, I could tell that he wanted to do something big… and I wasn't liking it all that much. He said his goodbyes to the interviewer on the other end and hung up the phone._

"_Promise me that you will warn me before you go off and do something crazy next Sunday," I said with sigh. "I don't want to have a heart attack backstage."_

"_I would never do anything that I didn't think I could pull off," Jeff said with a smile as he came over to lie next to me on one of the beds in our hotel room. "Doesn't mean that I'm not going to play it totally safe… but I'll let you know. No worries."_

"_Yes, there will be a lot of worries," I said with a chuckle as I threw my journal on top of my bag which was on the ground. "And what was with saying how you've slowed down? You know what I say… lies!"_

"_Watch some of my older matches and you will see what I mean," he replied as he pulled me closer to him so he could rest his head on my shoulder._

"_I have, you know that," I murmured as I placed my head lightly on his, comfortable lying unevenly in his arms. "And I can still see Adam spearing you from above the ring again in my mind and you doing 450__s onto…"_

"_I can promise that nothing like that will happen," he said with a small laugh. "I was much younger then and…"_

"_It was only six years ago!" I said exasperatedly._

"_In the career of a professional wrestler, that is a long, long time," Jeff replied. "Just wait, time will keep going by and you won't even realize it, but it will be October again and you will have been in the business for a full year. Its non-stop and time just keeps on going by."_

"_I don't think I'm going to last that long," I muttered softly._

"_I'll be in your corner every step of the way," he said reassuringly. "You have nothing to worry about."_

"_That's…" I started as I pulled myself from his light hold. His head fell onto the pillow and he looked at me with confusion. "You know… I try and try to convince myself that I'm going to be able to do this, but… __this just isn't really the life I always have pictured myself leading. Not that there is anything wrong with it… but, you know? I've told you how I didn't even really watch wrestling until a few years ago."_

"_I know that you've told me that your old boss wanted you to do the Diva Search, but there must have been something more to it than just that," Jeff said as he too sat up so he could look at me levelly. "I couldn't imagine someone subjecting themselves to this lifestyle for the hell of it. With all the training you had to go through… it couldn't have been as simple as that."_

"_Nothing is ever that simple, is it?" I asked in a rhetorical manner. "There are some things… that I wish I could tell you… but I can't. As much as I want to, I just can't and it is killing me inside!"_

"_Shhh," Jeff said as he pulled my frenzied form into an embrace. "You don't need to tell me anything that you aren't comfortable revealing. No matter what your circumstances are for being here, I am just happy that you are. Nothing more needs to be said. I've told you before that you don't need to explain yourself to me. I know who you are inside Nami and that's all that matters."_

_I knew that he was being honest and serious as he used my real first name. In normal conversation, it was either 'Meemz' or 'Darlin', but now was different. I knew that I might have been somewhat overreacting, but like Jeff had said on the phone, time moves so fast. April 29__th__ was only a little more than a month away. I knew that by the end of my time, I would need to decide what to do in all of my relationships. Running away would be the cowardly way, but actually having to confront everyone about my lies may be too much to handle._

"_Promise me, that in the end… you'll still love me," I said softly as he rubbed comforting circles on my back. He pulled me back so he was staring right in my eyes._

"_Nothing is ever going to change that… nothing."_

* * *

"And why didn't I see you out there earlier missy?"

I rolled my eyes as John flopped down on the couch next to me.

"It was the Playboy cover models versus the heel stable," I said flatly. "I'm really not either. But I am wrestling tomorrow on Smackdown."

"Yeah, gotta love the week before Wrestlemania," John said with a grin, commenting on the heightened work load.

"Hey, I don't see you having to work double or even triple shows," I said with a laugh, as I watched CM Punk finish up his match with Kenny with the _Go To Sleep_. "You know that all of the Money in the Bank participants have to wrestle on all three shows… well besides Adam. He's still going to be lurking around."

"Sounds like you are going to be pretty busy then," he muttered. "You valeting for all of Jeff's matches?"

"Except for the actual match on Sunday," I said as Punk pinned Kenny and was awarded the victory.

"Isn't Sharmell going to be out there?" John asked, as I turned from the screen to look at my companion.

"Yeah, but according to Jeff, she is actually going to be interfering in the match," I said as I heard Adam's voice coming from the monitor.

I turned slightly and watched as he hyped his Cutting Edge segment that was coming up after the commercial break. All of the participants in the Money in the Ladder Bank match were going to be the guests. I would have to admit that that would most likely be pretty entertaining.

"Then maybe you should stop her?" he offered with a laugh.

"Jeff said that Matt has that under control," I said as the broadcast went to a commercial as Adam's guests began coming out to the ring. "He has been pretty sketchy with details and it is making me nervous."

"You talk to Adam about it?" he asked as he fumbled with his Championship belt on his lap.

"Yeah, but he's being pretty shady about the whole thing as well," I said with a sigh. "So I definitely figure that something is up."

"Probably a safe assumption," he muttered as we both turned our attention back to the monitor.

I decided to take the time I had alone with John to try and get to know him a little better. We never had much one on one time… well except for the time that Adam had him babysitting me so I would stay away from Jeff. But at that time, all I could think about was speaking to Jeff and trying to sort things out. Only problem was right now, I really didn't know how to start.

"So…" I started as I tried to think of how to begin. "Your family coming to the show on Sunday?"

"I think my father and a few of my brothers are coming," he said with a smile. "Not too sure about all the details though. How 'bout you?"

"I'm only going to be a lumberjill in Ashley and Melina's match," I said with a small chuckle. "No need for too much fanfare."

"I'll take that as a 'no,'" John replied as the broadcast came back and the final few strains of Matt's theme could be heard throughout the arena. "And from as much as I know about you, I guess that they aren't really big wrestling fans to begin with."

"Not really," I said with a sheepish smile as I turned my attention from my boyfriend's entrance to look at John. "But I take it yours are."

"I was a wrestling fan from birth," he said with a huge smile. "My father was always a huge fan and having four brothers… needless to say, wrestling was usually always on the television in the Cena household."

"Four brothers, huh? I'm sure you all were perfect little angels," I murmured sarcastically.

"Of course," he said with a grin. "I'm sure if you talk to my mother she will see it the same way."

I laughed at his sarcastic comment and looked back to the screen as Adam was about to begin to speak. At least I got John to open up a little and I figured that everything else could just flow.

"_Welcome to a very special edition of The Cutting Edge," _Adam said, addressing the audience in attendance more than the seven other men in the ring.

"So, did you always want to be a wrestler?" I asked as I half-heartedly listened to my boyfriend rant about his achievements at Wrestlemania and in ladder matches.

"When I was little, I definitely did," he responded as I turned to look at him, not wanting to be rude in keeping my attention elsewhere. "Me and my brothers would wrestle all over the house. We made our own belts and…"

"Which belt did you have?" I asked with a laugh.

"Champion of the Universe," he replied with a grin.

"Not much has changed from then and now, huh?" I murmured as I lightly patted the belt in his lap.

"Yeah, even though I must say that this one is definitely a step up in appearance," he replied as he ran his fingers over the jewel encrusted WWE symbol. "But yeah, we still have all the old belts from back in the day. Good to look back at sometimes."

I nodded and once again turned my attention back to the screen.

"_As a matter of fact, I've won more ladder matches than all of you combined. Add to the fact that I've never been beaten at Wrestlemania and what makes any of you think you have a shot this Sunday?" _Adam ranted in the ring, as he continued to flaunt his achievements before turning to the first man in the line of competitors. "_And Matt… Matt, I'll start with you… because I'm shocked that you're even on Wrestlemania."_

"Things look tense already," John said with a chuckle as he watched the two men interact.

"Tell me about it," I muttered flatly.

"_Oh, I'm on Wrestlemania and I'm gonna be in your face," _Matt told Adam as he pulled the microphone in his direction. Adam gave him a slight mocking sneer as he continued. "_And you're not the only one with experience in ladder matches. I've won quite a few of these myself. And at Wrestlemania, I'm gonna beat you up bad, so bad that you're going to be lying flat on your back… much like your ex-girlfriend."_

"Ugh, how did I know it was going to come back to that?" I said with a slight chuckle.

"That whole love triangle thing will never be forgotten," John said. "And what really sucks is that it should. Creative should have never put it in a storyline."

"Yeah, but if they didn't, Matt may have never got his job back," I reasoned, as the company fired the eldest Hardy after the incident.

"Or if everything was kept quiet, he may have never lost it in the first place," John replied. I just nodded my head as Adam regained control of the microphone.

"_Okay, okay that's it. You're done speaking. And I can do that because this is my show," _Adam told Matt before turning to the next man in line._ "Now King 'Bookah', hopefully… hopefully you have something intelligent to say."_

"_Indeed. Indeed, I do," _Booker said as Adam held the microphone in front of his opponent's mouth with a curious grin on his face. "_Now I realize some of you have won championships in the past, but none… none of you have reigned… reigned successfully as King Booker! Now, the rest of you lowly, lowly peasants can…"_

"That didn't seem to sit well," John commented.

"_Peasants?" _Finlay responded to Booker before turning to look at Adam. "_I am sick of this verbal diarrhea. I feel like I'm out here among a bunch of old women. You didn't like that chiseled chin?"_

"Aw, poor Adam," I said with a pout.

"He's used to it," John commented. "Trust me, I've said some pretty harsh things to him in the ring, but he deserved it after slapping my father."

"He did what?" I asked surprised.

"_Edge_ did," John said, filling in some missing information. "It was during our feud. My dad was all for it."

"_You feeling froggy? Go ahead and jump,"_ Finlay continued before Randy pulled the microphone away from him.

"_Fit, Fit… take it easy. Now, don't hurt Edge's feelings," _Randy said to Finlay before turning toward Adam. "_Don't hurt Edge's feelings Fit because you see he might use that as an excuse to duck out of this match. Just like you've ducked out of every match you've been scheduled to wrestle in for the past month."_

Randy shoved the microphone into Adam's chest after finishing his spiel. I laughed slightly as I could just tell that this segment wasn't going to end well… too many combustible elements as JR would say. It was obvious that Adam was much more comfortable on the microphone then a lot of the others. But everyone was doing their best and it was pretty entertaining. It was segments like this that made me think that there was a lot more to wrestling than just knocking people senseless with chairs.

"_Now Randy, you know that's not true…"_ Adam began before the microphone was quickly pulled away from him by Kennedy.

"_Oh oh oh, no no no… that is true,"_ Kennedy said earning an annoyed glare from Adam, who continued to keep a hold on the microphone. It was _his show_ after all. "_You know it's pretty obvious to me, it's __pretty obvious to everybody out here that you don't wanna fight tonight, do ya? You don't wanna fight? But you know what, you might as well just step aside. Everybody here might as well just step aside cause you are looking at the man who is going to be Mr. Money in the Back. You're looking at… MISTER!!"_

Adam grasped the microphone more tightly and pulled it totally from Kennedy's grip as he was about to do his signature signoff.

"_Okay very nice. Very nice. Riveting stuff, repeat your name," _Adam replied mockingly as Kennedy tried to give him a piece of his mind.

"I love him," I murmured softly with a sigh.

"I'll be sure to keep your crush on Kennedy a secret from Adam," John said with a chuckle. I turned to give him a slight glare quickly as I didn't want to miss the Adam/Jeff interaction.

"_Oh, and that brings us… that brings us to Jeff Hardy," _Adam said as he turned to Jeff, as screams of approval were heard throughout the crowd._ "And Jeff, I'd ask you for a comment, but all you've really said for the last few months is…"_

"Oh God, I hate him," I said sarcastically with a laugh as Adam mimicked Jeff's entrance mannerisms, gun flashing and all. I had to admit: it was pretty funny. No, it was hilarious.

"Women… you girls can never make up your mind on anything," John commented.

"_So maybe I should close this one for you, huh?"_ Adam asked mockingly as he came back over to Jeff.

"_Hey man, that's real funny," _Jeff said as he pulled the microphone from Adam's grasp. _"You know, this is my first Wrestlemania in five long years. Therefore, I plan to do what I always do in ladder matches, and that's to steal the entire show!"_

"I just know that he is going to do something stupid," I muttered, as the crowd cheered his declaration.

"Have some faith in him Nam," John replied. "He won't do anything stupid."

"You sure about that?" I asked sardonically.

"Not really," John said truthfully with a laugh. "I was just trying to make you feel more at ease. Guessing it didn't work though."

"_Even if it means going through my own brother," _Jeff proclaimed as he looked from Adam over to his brother who just nodded his head in understanding. _"I'll do what it takes to climb that ladder, grab the briefcase, and win Money in the Bank."_

"_Okay enough, enough," _Adam said as he turned away from the lineup of men, frustrated in how this segment wasn't turning out the way he wanted. Before Adam could move along with the segment, the Chicago crowd erupted in a chant for CM Punk. He was the hometown hero after all. Adam looked around at the crowd with a smirk on his face as he turned to face Punk.

"_Oh and last but certainly not least, that brings us to Chicago's own CM Punk," _Adam said as he leaned nonchalantly on the top rope as the crowd erupted once more. "_Cheer it up."_

"It's the greatest feeling in the world to perform in front of your hometown," John said as I turned to look at my companion. "I can tell you that it wasn't the best moment in my career when I had to lose to Adam in Boston."

"But didn't you get him back by beating him in Toronto?" I asked, already knowing the answer, but still wanting to hear his reply.

"Yeah, in a Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match to boot," he replied. "I never thought that I would be in a match like that and I know that Adam didn't really want to do another one of them."

"Yeah, he's told me as much and I doubt we will be seeing him in another one, especially since you actually made him blackout," I said with a slight shove. He just laughed in response and we continued to watch the completion of Adam's Cutting Edge.

"_So, you're straight-edge right? You're only addiction is competition, right?" _Adam asked Punk, which garnered nods in response. "_Well, my addictions are sex… violence… and championship gold around my waist."_

CM Punk quickly stole the microphone from Adam's hand.

"_Edge, right now the only thing it looks like you're addicted to is running your mouth!"_

Adam shoved CM Punk back into the other men and a brawl erupted. He quickly left the ring and let the other seven men beat each other senseless.

"So did you ever do stuff like that when you were younger… promos and such?" I asked as I stopped watching the brawl as I knew what the outcome was going to be. I was more interested in the man sitting next to me.

"Sometimes," he replied. "But mostly it was about the physical stuff, you know? All of us were active in sports so it was just natural that we had so much energy."

"When did you get seriously interested in becoming a wrestler?" I asked, trying to not make it seem like I was prying into details of his life.

"After college," he replied. "I played football in high school and it was pretty much the whole reason I even went to college. After playing on the offensive line my whole college career, I knew that that was the end of the line and I moved to California to pursue bodybuilding."

"Ew," I muttered instinctively.

"What do you mean '_ew_'?" John asked jokingly.

"Sorry, it's just… ew," I said as I pictured what John might've looked like back in his bodybuilding days. People that have too many muscles like that just give me the creeps. I can appreciate a muscular body, but not overly sculpted like that.

"Moving on," John said with a chuckle, as he didn't seem to want to press the issue much longer. "A friend of mine told me about a wrestling school in the area and once I started… I knew that this was what I wanted to do the rest of my life."

"So all of the rapping and acting… you don't plan on leaving the WWE anytime soon?" I asked, as it was a question that I had pondered a few times when thinking about my friend.

"This business gives me the opportunity to do everything that I could possibly dream of and I am going to be a WWE wrestler for life," John said firmly with a smile as he patted his belt. "This is my life and that's never going to change."

"Wow, you seem really dedicated," I replied as I was slightly intimated and regretting even bringing up the topic.

"You have to be if you want to be the best in the business," he said flashing a look down to his belt.

"Point taken, _Champion of the Universe_."

* * *

"I'm surprised that you aren't with Adam tonight."

"I told him that I needed a girls' night."

Matt whacked me on the back of the head with his pillow.

"I was only kidding," I said, as I rolled over to give him a pseudo-glare. "He knows that I'm here."

"Okay, where's the hidden camera?" Shannon asked sarcastically as he pretended to look around the room.

I was about to retort when the bathroom door opened and a slightly damp pajama-clad Jeff Hardy stepped out. He came over to the bed I was lying on and pulled me into a light embrace. I sighed in contentment and put my head against his chest.

"Matt and Shan are being mean," I said jokingly with a pout.

"Matt's still mad that he got RKO'd and pinned tonight," Jeff said with a chuckle. "And Shan… well, he's just being Shannon."

After a long night of the actual broadcast and then driving the three hours to Grand Rapids for the Smackdown taping tomorrow, I was happy for some down time. Granted in was almost two in the morning, but none of us were really tired. Adam was pretty tired from the drive and decided to get some sleep, not before giving me a few nervous looks when he found out where I was going to be heading. I didn't need to assure him that nothing was going to happen, but I knew that he wasn't all too trusting of my extreme friends.

"We were just saying that it was quite surprising that she was let out to come and play," Shannon replied jokingly. "Adam has her on quite a tight leash, especially when it comes to us."

"You mean, when it comes to _Jeff_," Matt said with a playful smirk.

"Very funny," I said with a slight yawn as I slightly buried my face in Jeff's shoulder. "He knows that he has nothing to worry about."

"And yet if he came in this room right now, I doubt he would see it that way," Matt said teasingly as he motioned to my form pressed right against his brother's.

I sighed and decided that maybe Matt was making some sense. Even though I didn't see anything wrong with cuddling against Jeff (hell, I had even cuddled with Randy Orton… not intentionally mind you), I could see how it could send the wrong impression. Yet as I tried to pull away from my best friend, his embrace tightened as if he had anticipated the move.

"Leave her alone bro," Jeff said as my head found the crook of his neck as its resting place. "She's fine right where she is."

"Uh-huh," Matt replied flatly with a pointed stare Shannon's way. "Of course _you _would see it that way."

"Alright, I think I'm gonna go get some sleep," I said with a faux yawn, as I saw the tension rising between the two brothers. I didn't exactly know the reason why, but didn't want to cause anything from happening. I did the best I could and finally slid out of Jeff grip.

"Aw, come on Meemz," Shannon said with a somewhat pleading tone. "You just got to learn to go with the moment."

"That's good, because at _this moment_, I'd like to go," I said as I grabbed my key card from the end table and pulled my sweatshirt over my head. I didn't need any more drama in my life. And having two of my dear friends bicker over something that most likely has to do with me… I just didn't want to deal with it. I waved to them and quickly exited the hotel room.

"Meemz, wait!"

I sighed as I knew that this was probably going to happen. I halted my progress and turned around to face the approaching Jeff Hardy.

"You know that they were only kidding, right?" Jeff asked as he came to stand right in front of me.

"Yeah… right," I muttered, not really believing that Jeff fully trusted what he was saying himself. Obviously Matt did have a slight problem with my non-romantic yet overly affectionate relationship with his brother. I could slightly understand why.

"Okay, maybe not totally kidding, but don't let them get to you," Jeff said with a smile. "They're just jealous."

"Whatever you say," I said with chuckle as I turned to continue my journey down the hallway to my own room.

"Are we okay? I sense some tension," he said as he came up to walk alongside of me.

"There is no tension here," I muttered. "You go back to your room and you'll probably find some."

"Matt just doesn't really understand our relationship and he still thinks that I'm trying to be with you," Jeff answered. His answer caused me to stop walking and turn to look at him in slight bewilderment.

"_Still _thinks?"

* * *

"_Now, simmer down, okay?"_

If I thought watching Adam tape a segment was awkward, actually having to be in one was much worse… especially when I had to be all lovey-dovey next to Jeff.

"_See last night on Raw was the biggest Cutting Edge ever… ever! And I know things got out of control, okay? I know you guys don't want to team up with me and let's face it I don't wanna team up with you either, but I do think it is in all of our best interests if we can work together tonight."_

Throughout Adam's whole little speech, I couldn't help but notice that he never held mine or Jeff's gazes for that long. He directed his attention to Matt and Punk quite regularly. I was holding onto Jeff's shoulder and trying to look as mad as to see Adam as I could. It wasn't working that well, but I hoped that no one could really tell.

"_Why exactly should we… listen to you?"_ CM Punk asked as the rest of us nodded our heads in agreement.

"_Yeah, we shouldn't,"_ Matt said as Adam turned his way, once more deciding to overlook Jeff and I.

"_Why, why should you listen… because I won the first ever Money in the Bank! I cashed it in and became WWE Champion!"_ Adam ranted as the three men still didn't want to listen to anything he had to say. "_Okay, Orton, Finlay, Booker, Kennedy… their egos are too big. They're not gonna be able to work together. If we can work together, maybe take a couple of those guys out, I think our odds just got a little better at Wrestlemania. You don't have to like me to listen to me."_

Adam flashed them one more pointed stare before turning and leaving the on-screen area. We all looked toward each other, our characters mulling over what Adam had said. Jeff looked to me and placed a light kiss on my temple.

"And cut!"

I pulled my hand away from Jeff's shoulder and stepped away from the three men to go over to my boyfriend, standing on the outskirts of the camera equipment. He was a little shocked that I didn't stay to speak with Jeff for a little, but it was a pleasant surprise. He leaned in and kissed me briefly on the lips before we both exited the room.

Last night, Jeff made a hasty retreat after he let it slip that he at one time seriously was interested in me. It shouldn't have come as such a surprise, seeing how close we were… and granted, I did once think of him as a potential suitor. But, every time in the past when I had approached Jeff on the subject, he made it seem like he had no romantic feelings for me at all. He made it seem like we weren't compatible as a couple, only as best friends. Even when we admitted feelings for each other, he said that it wouldn't work and brushed it off. But... did he really?

I had taken constant teasing from Shannon and Matt over the past months about the issue, but I thought it was all fun and games. Even when Matt had told me a few weeks ago about the idea of me and Jeff being a couple, I didn't think much of it. But now, I couldn't shake it from my mind. Last night, Jeff didn't refute his declaration of 'still thinking' of getting together. He just left, which didn't bode well for it just being a slip of the tongue.

"You going to come out for the match tonight?" Adam asked as we made it to the Divas' locker room where I was residing for the night. I did have an actual match tonight and wanted to hang out with the girls a little more.

"Which one?" I asked jokingly as Jeff was in two matches tonight, both of which were going to involve Adam in some capacity.

"Cute," he murmured as he rested his arm above my head against the wall.

"I'm going to be out there for the tag match, as I am assuming that was what you were speaking of," I said with a grin.

"Uh-huh," he said, returning my hungry grin.

He leaned in and captured my lips between his own. I moaned as he ran his free hand up underneath my dress and onto my thigh. He chuckled softly in my mouth as he continued his journey northward. Just as he was about to reach his presumed destination, he stopped and pulled back. I opened my eyes slightly to see him staring at me with a wolfish grin on his face.

"So… you still don't want to room with me?"

* * *

"Hey, I was wondering if I was ever going to hear from you again."

"I could never forget about you."

"Yeah well, I figured that since you and Adam were all straightened out, there would be no reason for you to talk to little, old me."

I laughed into my cell phone at Jay's lighthearted tone. I had missed speaking with him and figured that he deserved a phone call. I hadn't spoken with him since I had left Florida a few weeks ago.

"Aw, I'se sorry," I said in a joking tone.

"Sure you are," he said, replying in the same manner, resulting in more laughter on both ends. "So, how are things going at the tapings tonight? I just saw the ECW segment with you guys… looked a little stiff."

"Just a little," I muttered with a laugh. "The match went over well, but that segment itself... did you see how Adam…"

"Wouldn't look at you or Jeff?" Jay said, finishing my question himself. "Yeah, very awkward. I can just see the wrestling bloggers' fingers typing already on that one. Have you seen how many wrestlers you are romantically linked to on the internet? I'm sure that if we hung out some more, I would be on the list even though I'm quite happily married."

"I don't even look at any of that stuff," I murmured truthfully.

According to Danielle, who loves to read every last bit of wrestling gossip on the internet, there were conflicting reports on who I was actually dating. There was also a long list of presumed boyfriends with Jeff and Adam being at the top for obvious reasons. This was definitely one part of the business I was not going to miss and thus, I decided not to become caught up in it all. Let them think what they wanted to.

"Usually, things are pretty accurate," he responded. "You have certainly thrown them for a loop. This one guy attests that he saw you and Jeff making out at an airport in Indiana."

"Can you please stop reading that stuff?" I asked dully.

"You don't find any humor in it?" he responded.

Normally, I probably would. Yet ever since last night, things were a little different. I couldn't help but think that Jeff might still actually have romantic feelings for me. And I didn't want to believe that that was the whole reason that he was still being really close to me. I wanted to believe that it was only out of friendship. I could deal with a semi-romantic friendship, but I already had one boyfriend. And I wasn't really in the market for another one.

"Jay, can we talk… and not as Adam's best friend and girlfriend, but as friends?" I asked, after being quiet for a few moments.

"Sounds like things are about to get heavy," Jay said with a small chuckle.

I was happy that Randy and Adam had a meeting with management as it meant that I had the locker room all to myself. Adam had eventually convinced me to leave the Divas' room to join him in his own. Without John around, it was easy for Adam and I to be alone. Randy was usually hanging out in catering and even if he was present, it really didn't bother me. Randy and I had a sort of love/annoyance relationship so I was more than happy to be a pest at times.

"I was hanging out with Jeff last night," I started. "And yes before you ask, Adam knew. It was after our trip to Michigan and he just wanted to sleep. Well… Jeff sort of told me something… and I can't stop thinking about it."

"He told you he loved you didn't he?" Jay asked.

"No, he has already done that," I muttered.

"He what?" Jay asked, in a confused tone.

"I've told him I loved him too," I said. "Just like I _love_ you and John and I guess even Randy."

"Are you sure he knows you mean that way?" Jay asked.

"Yes… well, I thought so," I said. "Last night, Jeff sort of let it slip that he once, if not still, thinks of me as potentially more than a friend."

"It wouldn't be news to my ears," Jay said with a laugh. "You know how many times Adam has told me that? I know that you might have brushed it off as friendship, but it was always deeper than that. And I know that you have strong feelings for him as well. It isn't a surprise or a shock. What _is _surprising is that you didn't realize it sooner."

"I did at times, but I didn't really think it through all the way," I said. "Jeff told me that we would never work as a couple. It was right after Adam and I sort of broke up the first time. He said that I could probably handle being his friend, but anything more… he did say that he once thought of us as being more than friends, but that it wouldn't work. Now, I am not so sure."

"Nam, it shouldn't matter all that much," Jay said honestly. "You are with and _in love_ with Adam. So even if you do have feelings for Jeff and vice versa, it's not like they can be acted upon. I'm sure that Adam still has feelings for Amy, but you shouldn't worry about him going back to her."

"I guess… I never really looked at it in that light," I murmured softly. "But I still don't know what to do about Jeff. I don't want things to be weird between us and I don't want to lose his friendship. I don't know what I would do without it."

"Sorry that I'm not enough for you," Jay replied teasingly. "Honestly, don't sweat it. Just talk to him about it. He is still seeing Beth, right?"

"Yeah," I muttered with a slight sigh.

"Then you have nothing to be so jittery about," Jay said with a laugh. "Adam might not say it, but he knows that Jeff is important to you. And I can also tell you, he knows that you have feelings for Jeff. That's the reason he is sometimes a little edgy when you bring up spending alone time with Jeff. He's nervous cause he has been in Jeff's position and doesn't want the same thing to happen."

"And it won't," I said resolutely.

"I know it won't and so does he... deep down he does anyway," Jay said as I saw the locker room door swing open and both Randy and Adam entered.

"I guess," I muttered, a little self-consciousness of the conversation now that Adam was in the room. "Thanks Jay."

"No prob…"

"Hey bro," Adam said into the phone as he stole it from my hand. I laughed slightly as he came to sit down next to me.

I rested my head against his chest, half-heartedly listening to the one side of their conversation. Randy waved to us as he grabbed his things and headed out of the room. The broadcast was almost over. Adam's distracting nature around the ring caused Jeff to pick up a victory over Randy. Right after that match, I was in a match of my own with Ashley, Maria, Candice, and Mickie against all of the heel Divas. It wasn't that long of a match, yet my side picked up the victory when Ashley was able to pin Jillian. We all got to do a few moves in the ring. It was really just a showcase of the Divas before the big lumberjill match on Sunday.

A knock on the door startled me from my thoughts. Adam was still talking with Jay so I got up to answer it.

"Hey Meemz, I was wondering if we could talk?"

I nodded my head and shot a small look Adam's way. He just waved me off and continued talking. Once those two started, it was hard to get them to stop. I smiled and walked out of the room, leaning against the wall next to Jeff.

"I don't want things to change between us, but about last night…" Jeff started before drifting off. I knew that things needed to be sorted out right now or they never would be.

"Kiss me," I said softly after a few moments of just standing in silence.

"Huh?" he asked, totally taken aback by my request.

"I want you to kiss me," I said once again as I pushed my form off of the wall. "Kiss me and mean it."

"You know I can't do that," Jeff said, still slightly surprised. "What about Beth… and let's not forget Adam who is sitting a few yards away."

"Is that all that is stopping you?" I asked. It was then that he realized what I was trying to get out of him. I wanted to know if the only thing keeping him from making his move was our relationships.

"What do you want me to say… that I don't have any feelings for you?" he asked. "Because we both know that I can't do that. And I know that it isn't just a one-sided thing… but I thought we have gotten past all that."

"Maybe you have, but I can't seem to," I said as I turned away from him. "I thought I could, but I think I was just kidding myself. There are two things that are always going to haunt my relationship with Adam: his affair with Amy and this relationship that we have."

"Well… I'll make it easier on you," Jeff said as he spun me around. "Beyond having to work in front of the cameras, I think it would be for the best if we just…"

"Don't even start. You seriously just want to walk out on our friendship!" I exclaimed before Jeff could finish his absurd proposal.

"You are really leaving me no choice," he said seriously. "I know that it sounds a little harsh and fucked up… but I don't want to screw up things with Beth. And I know that you and Adam are finally looking to make a real go of things."

"You are my best friend," I muttered as I stared directly in his eyes. "Don't do this."

"We are more than that and at least just for now, it needs to stop," he said as he turned away from me to head down the hallway.

"Jeff!" I called after him. "You said that nothing would ever change our relationship… that nothing would ever change the feelings we share!"

"Things are meant to change," he said, looking slightly over his shoulder. "And we were both to stupid enough to see how much they had."

I watched his retreating form as a few tears slipped down my cheeks. I couldn't believe what was happening. I wasn't going to sacrifice my relationship with Adam, but I didn't want to lose my friendship with Jeff. I thought that he was just overreacting. I wanted to believe that any second he would turn around and say that he was just being idiotic. But it never came. He just kept walking and I couldn't help but feel like a part of my heart shattered into millions of pieces.

"Beautiful, are you okay?"

I turned around and threw myself into Adam's arms. He ran his fingers through my hair as he held me close to him with the other arm. He whispered comforting words in my ear, but nothing would calm me down. I couldn't understand why Jeff was acting that way. All I wanted was for him to realize that we were best as friends, but that didn't mean that I wanted him out of my life. I couldn't imagine not hearing his voice and cuddling up next to him just to talk. It was different with Jeff… it would always be different with Jeff.

"Can we go back to the hotel?" I asked as I pulled my tearstained face away from Adam's shirt. "I need to lie down."

"Of course," he said as he lightly brushed his lips over mine.

I smiled slightly as he grasped my hand in his own and went back in the room to gather our things. We quickly made our way out of the arena and back to the hotel. We barely spoke the whole ride and made it up to our room in silence. As soon as we got inside however, the tears began anew. Adam quickly steered me over to the bed and laid me down next to him.

"Tell me what happened baby," Adam murmured softly. I was sort of apprehensive to tell him anything. The last time I had broken down about Jeff, Adam could have cared less about the situation.

"Jeff and I had an argument," I said softly. "And he thinks it is best if we just stayed away from each other for awhile… Says it's best for our relationships if we do."

I knew what Adam's reply would be. He would agree wholeheartedly and that would be that. He wouldn't want any more tears, as he would see that this way, things couldn't go wrong. Yet once again tonight, I was surprised.

"Did you try telling him that he is wrong?" Adam asked, sounding concerned. I looked in his eyes and I could tell he was being serious. "I know what you are thinking and as much as I want to be happy, seeing you this upset makes me saddened as well. I was once really good friends with Jeff you know and I still care about him. He probably could care less what I think, but I know that you mean a lot to him."

"I think you mean '_meant_' babe," I said softly.

"No, I don't," he replied. "You guys will get through this, even if I have to get involved."

"That's all I need," I muttered with a small laugh.

"At least it got you to smile again," he said as he brushed a few tears from my cheeks. "Things will work out. Let him calm down and realize what he has done. And I'll guaran-damn-tee that he'll come back to you asking for forgiveness."

"I love you," I murmured with a smile on my face.

He laughed and answered with a passionate kiss. We broke away quickly as Adam reached to pull my dress over my head. Yet right as he was about to rid me of my clothing, there was a knock at the door. His hands stilled as he motioned his head toward the door.

"What did I tell you?" Adam said with a grin.

I planted a light kiss on his lips and made my way over to the hotel door and quickly threw it open.


	44. It's To Dying In Another's Arms

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. Dialogue and match details are from Wrestlemania 23. Thank you to everyone who has read, added, and of course reviewed. I was honestly touched at the response for the last chapter and I thank you all - "68 stones from the broken heart", "unlimited emerald0307", "XtremeGirl619", "Fozzy-Floozy", "nicole", "Inday", "Hatter-Zombie", "Farra Sti", "SkyyRyder", and "x-Mrs Pete Wentz-x". You all made my week._

_Alright, so after this chapter comes the Backlash chapter. I know that means that a month is skipped, but all of the key moments from that time will be covered in detail in the next section of the story. Nothing major will be left out as some of the best (or what I think will be, seeing as nothing is written yet) moments are left to come. The biggest thing is obviously the WWE's trip to Italy which becomes a big turning point for Nami and all of her relationships._

_Now, before the actual chapter, I have a question that I wanted to ask. The next part of the story is going to still include all of Nami's WWE friends (mostly in detailed flashbacks of the skipped month) but also a new face that was introduced in the confusing, present time interlude chapter. Everyone knows that the Benoit tragedy occured and had a big affect on wrestling. And honestly, I don't know how to go about things. I could take the WWE's route and try to erase him from the annals of history. But the fact remains, that he did exist and was a great wrestler. __I really want to know your opinion on what to do. I have no real objection either way, but don't want to start something that just seems awkward. So PLEASE, let me know your preference because this is the one aspect of the story that I am totally at a loss of what to do. Thanks. Peace and Love!!_

* * *

"I don't think I have ever seen anything like this."

"I know… this is pretty intense."

I nodded in agreement with Melina's comment. This _was_ intense. Today was the be-all and end-all of WWE pay-per-view events: Wrestlemania! After a whole week of hype and preshow functions, the event itself had finally arrived. Looking around all of the empty seats was truly surreal. I couldn't believe that in a few hours, this place was going to be packed with over eighty thousand screaming WWE fans. It was almost too much to handle.

"You ready for the Divas' match tonight?" Melina asked as we walked down through the stadium back toward the backstage area.

"I think I should be asking you that question," I said with a laugh, as it was Melina who was actually in the match tonight.

"I'm nervous as hell," Melina said with a laugh. "This is the first time that I am actually working a Wrestlemania. And I still don't think that Ash and I have that great of chemistry in the ring."

"You'll do fine," I said, trying to reassure my friend. "And if all else fails, you have almost a dozen Divas on the outside to help…"

"Or to hurt," Melina answered with a laugh. "I doubt you would be overly kind with me if I got thrown out of the ring in front of you, especially since we have a small feud coming up for Backlash."

"So true," I said with a smile as we pushed through the backstage curtain.

"And maybe our match will be given more than three minutes," Melina said flatly. "It's going to take more time for all us to get out there and then of course the catfight after."

"Well, at least you get to keep the gold," I reasoned as we made our way down the hallway and back towards the Divas' locker room.

"Yeah, and at Backlash, the wrestling won't have to take a backseat to the Hair versus Hair match," she said with a small chuckle. "I mean, they say that there is no such thing as bad press and the company has gotten a lot of write up for it. But I am a little sick of the storyline."

"I don't think you are the only one," I muttered. "So, Vince is really going to go bald? I don't know if I would ever put my hair on the line for a match."

"I wouldn't either... well unless I knew I was going to be the victor," Melina said with a laugh. "I am sure that is the only reason Adam ever did it."

"That I ever did what?"

Both Melina and I turned around to see a grinning Adam heading our way. I hadn't seen him for all of a few hours and was already missing his company. I smiled and accepted an embrace as soon as he got close enough.

"Hair versus Hair match," Melina replied.

"Ah yes, good times," Adam said with a chuckle. "Those were the days that I actually got cheered by the crowd."

"You get cheered… sometimes," I said with a small smile.

"Yeah, when I'm getting _my ass_ kicked by someone in the ring," he responded with small, playful shove.

"Hey, I remember talking to a certain WWE Champion recently and him telling me about a time when the crowd actually cheered '_Thank You Edge'_," I said with a small smile.

"Did he tell you _why_?" Adam asked sardonically, to which I just nodded slightly.

I had yet to actually watch the match, but the story came about when I asked John if there was ever a time when the crowd was totally against him, like they are for Adam almost every night. He just laughed and recounted an event last year where he didn't think he was going to make it out of the venue alive. Must've been a rowdier crowd than I have ever yet to see on the road, but of course, he said it was an ECW pay-per-view. John Cena and ECW don't seem to be a very good match.

"I think that might have been the least profane chant of the night or at least during that match," Adam recalled with a chuckle. Yet before we could really talk anymore about old times, Melina broke our conversation.

"As fun as this is, we need to go to a final meeting," Melina said as we walked past the locker room.

"So much planning for a three minute match," Adam said with a sigh.

"Well… I'll skip it if you tell me what you have planned for the night," I said, turning to him with a sly grin.

"Everything is still a little rough," Adam explained. "We're still not sure of what's going to happen. We'll just feel it out."

"You know who's going to win though, right?" Melina asked.

"Oh yeah," he said. "But my lips are sealed."

"Figures," both of us women muttered, which warned a shared glance and chuckle.

"It's not my fault that the winner of your match is so obvious considering you two are fighting each other at Backlash for the title," Adam responded as he let go of my hand to wrap his arm around my shoulder, pulling me to his side.

We continued with our small talk as we made our way to the catering area. The Divas just needed to go over the final touches on the Lumberjill Match for tonight. It might only be a three minute match, but there were a lot of people involved. Not counting Ashley and Melina, there were twelve lumberjills on the outside. For the most part, we would just be standing around the ring. But management wanted to make sure that nothing would go wrong. I couldn't see how it could, but this is the company's biggest show of the year. Everything needed to run smoothly.

"Well, here is your stop," Adam whispered as Melina went ahead of me to grab a seat.

He leaned down and kissed me lightly. He waved to the other Divas in the room before disappearing back down the hallway. I watched his retreating form for a few moments before taking an empty seat next to Maria.

"Things seem to be going well with you two," she whispered as a few managers spoke with Ashley and Melina about their in-ring time.

"Yeah," I said with a sigh.

"But I take it things aren't perfect," Maria said.

I gave her a slight look, but before I could really respond, our attention was called to the front of the room. We were being given a little pep talk about what was going to happen. I was half paying attention and half thinking about the state of my own affairs. Adam and I were in a solid relationship. I finally felt like he took me for who I was. But I still couldn't be fully content.

Jeff and I still hadn't spoken since our falling out. He was avoiding all contact with me. I tried last night at the Hall of Fame ceremony to see him, but he was truly being his enigma self. Every time I thought I saw him, when I went to go over to him, he wasn't there. It was frustrating beyond belief, yet at least this time, I had Adam in my corner. I couldn't exactly believe it, but he was. Of course, he was the one who convinced me that Jeff would come to me and not the other way around.

* * *

_Tuesday night..._

"_What did I tell you?" Adam said with a grin._

_I planted a light kiss on his lips and made my way over to the hotel door and quickly threw it open._

"_Oh, it's you."_

"_Nice to see you too, Nam."_

_I sighed as I held the door open so John could come in. It wasn't exactly who I was expecting to see. No, it was definitely who I wasn't expecting to see. Adam had got my hopes' up on it being Jeff behind the door. But maybe he just needed more time._

"_What's with the missus?" John asked as he came to sit in a chair across from the bed. "Did I interrupt something?"_

"_No," I muttered with a groan as I sat down next to Adam on the bed. "Well, sort of yeah, but…"_

"_She thought you were Jeff," Adam said with a soft chuckle, as he interrupted my babbling._

"_Don't you two see enough of each other already?" John asked jokingly. I buried my head in Adam's chest in frustration. "Question withdrawn."_

"_Good move," Adam said as he wrapped his arms around me in a comforting gesture._

"_Well… as much as I would like to say this was purely a social visit, I did have a motive for coming," John said. I moved my head slightly so I could turn and look at John. "Orton's b-day is Sunday so we're sort of planning a post-Wrestlemania bash in his honor."_

"_Oh God, I can see the ego swelling already," I muttered._

"_Whose planning this little shindig?" Adam asked. I looked up at him at his choice of words. He smiled and planted a light kiss on my lips._

"_Sam and I… well, mostly Sam but I'm in charge of gathering the troops," John said with a laugh._

"_Sam?" I asked as I had never heard the name mentioned before._

"_Randy's fiancée," Adam replied._

"_Oh," I murmured, as I had heard of his elusive fiancée for months but never actually had met her._

"_Now, it's a surprise so no blabbing to him about it," John said, looking directly at me._

"_Hey! I take offense to that stare," I said teasingly._

"_As long as she stays away from the alcohol, she'll be fine," Adam replied with a light kiss to the top of my head._

"_Funny," I muttered cynically, as I lightly elbowed him in the stomach._

"_I'll have more details tomorrow after talking with her, but I just wanted to make sure that you would be free," John said as he rose from his seat._

"_Hopefully, I'll be able to walk after Sunday," Adam joked, yet I quickly spun my attention back to him._

"_What do you mean by that?" I asked as my concerned eyes quickly locked on to my boyfriend's amused ones._

"_I was kidding more than anything," Adam said with a laugh. "But you'll just have to wait…"_

"_And die backstage from shock?" I finished, interrupting his comment. "I have seen some of your previous extreme matches and if I was around at the time, I seriously don't think I would have been able to stand it."_

"_I think I'm going to leave you to your lovers' quarrel," John said as he headed toward the door. "See you two for breakfast tomorrow?"_

"_You're going to be fine cause nothing is going to happen to me. Besides nothing is set in stone," Adam reasoned as John's question went unanswered._

"_Just tell me what you are planning to do and if it has anything to do with a ladder and heights, you are so dead," I exclaimed. _

"_I guess I'll take that as a 'yes'?" John asked, probably referring to his breakfast question. Both Adam and I turned to glare at him in frustration. "Alright, time for me to take my leave. Good night."_

_As soon as we heard the door click shut, I turned back to Adam with the full intention of continuing our argument where we left off. Yet it was obvious that Adam wanted to continue our actions prior to John's arrival as his hands quickly pulled at the silky fabric of my dress._

"_I'm not finished speaking with you yet," I muttered as Adam rolled me over to pin my form beneath his._

"_Do you trust me?" Adam asked seriously as his lips hovered a few millimeters from my own._

"_Of course," I murmured, through half-lidded eyes waiting for him to make his move as all thoughts of discussion left my mind._

_He chuckled lightly as he noticed my change in demeanor and was only oh so happy to help relieve me of some fervent tension._

* * *

"Nami, what's wrong?"

"Leave me alone Randy. I'm not in the mood."

I continued my hasty flight down the hallway with no more interruptions from the birthday boy. I just needed to get away from everything for a few moments. The biggest night in sports-entertainment was going to begin in less than an hour. The arena was already filling up. And I was a total wreck, but not about the actual event tonight.

For awhile now, I have felt like I don't belong here. There are many good reasons for that. But I always had Adam and Jeff to keep me sane. Around them, especially Jeff, I always felt like I belonged. No matter what, he could make things comfortable. But now… now I was feeling totally out of place.

After the Divas' meeting, I decided that if I wanted to speak with Jeff, I would have to search him out myself. I figured that it wouldn't be that hard since I felt much more comfortable talking with the people backstage and could easily find his locker room. After a few failed attempts, I did locate him. But it wasn't exactly the type of visit I wanted.

He was with Matt, Shannon, Shane, and Amy. Yes, Amy had returned just to visit her old WWE family. I had already had a few run-ins with her. Adam went to lunch with her on Friday. I had no problems with him seeing her. It wasn't like I was going to be a paranoid beau like Adam used to be. They were just friends now and I was fine with it, especially after the way he was so understanding with my whole Jeff situation.

We also saw each other at the THQ Superstar Challenge. I knew that Jeff was going to be there and I attended with the sole intention on getting to speak with him. Yet he was with Amy. I went over and spoke with them for a few minutes, but it was just too awkward. Not like I could really talk to him with her standing right there. And besides, he didn't seem like he even wanted to acknowledge my presence.

Tonight was no different. I didn't want to go in and speak with him when there was a crowd. So I decided to just wait outside the open door and maybe I would gain the courage to. That didn't happen. Just listening to them talk, made me get more depressed by the minute. If I ever thought that I was a part of their clique, I was horribly mistaken. There was no way that I could ever pierce the shell. They knew each other even before the WWE and all were so strongly bonded together. It was like a smaller family inside the bigger company-fueled one.

I was okay with all of that. But after overhearing many comments about how wonderful it is that everyone was back together and a bunch of other awkward comments that I shouldn't have been hearing, I knew that I made a mistake by eavesdropping. But it was moments like that that made the reality of everything really hit home. I was still as much of an outsider as I was the first day in Topeka, Kansas. This business was all about working your way up and gaining trust, respect, and loyalty. I really couldn't say that I had garnered any of it. Amy left the company and she comes back, and it is like she hasn't lost a step. She may not be with the company anymore and totally out of the business, but she was treated still with the respect she had earned over years of work.

So before the biggest night in the business, I was having major doubts if I would even last until Backlash. I would be happy right at this moment to be sitting behind my old desk at Hachette. Not the type of mindset someone should have before an event of this caliber. I found a pretty desolate area and went over to some empty sound equipment boxes. I climbed onto the lowest box the leaned my head against the wall. I just needed to calm down and stop overreacting. There was nothing I could do about anything and I shouldn't have been so upset. It wasn't like I was being totally forthright with everyone. None of them would probably want to acknowledge my existence when they found out the truth anyway. Jeff was just doing things a little early.

"Hey Hardy! We need to talk!"

I stiffened slightly at hearing Adam's angry voice. I was hidden around the corner so I couldn't see Adam and presumably Jeff. After my earlier eavesdropping incident, I felt like just revealing myself and talking to Jeff myself. But if all of the other times were any inclination, he really didn't want to talk with me.

"I really don't have anything to say to you."

Yeah, that sounds about the exact answer that I would have received.

"Fine. _I_ need to talk and _you_ need to listen!"

I smiled slightly at Adam's forcefulness and was silently cheering him on in my head. I knew that Jeff wouldn't be the easiest one to crack and I seriously had my doubts when it came to Adam being the one to reason with him.

"Good luck with that one," Jeff responded in a pretty cynical tone.

I hated when he got like that and waited for Adam's reply. There wasn't one and I frowned thinking that that was the end of the conversation. I couldn't hear anything and was about to peer around the corner and see for myself. Luckily, I didn't.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Adam asked in an enraged tone. He sounded a lot like Edge yelling at Randy on-screen. The smile once again slowly adorned my face. "I don't pretend to try and even understand what is going on in that brain of yours, but I thought that when it came to Nami, I had you pegged."

"Whatever man," Jeff said in the same flat tone. "I have to get ready for the match."

Again, there was silence. I was touched that Adam at least made an attempt, but it seemed like nothing would make Jeff change his mind. He was pretty stubborn at times.

"No, you need to listen!" Adam's loud roar of a declaration broke me from my thoughts. So much for him giving up. "I know you like her and I haven't been too subtle in showing my distrust toward you. But… whether I like it fully or not, she needs you."

My mouth actually gaped open at that comment. I couldn't believe that I was actually hearing Adam correctly. He really had changed and did trust me fully. I couldn't help a few happy tears from starting to form in the corners of my eyes.

"I've tried to break you guys up in the past, but I now realize that it can't be done," Adam continued and I had to fight every urge to try and sneak a peek at the scene. "She needs you to function in this type of life, which means that I need you too."

"Huh?" Jeff uttered after a few moments of silence. I could tell that he was just as shocked at Adam's declaration as I was.

"Look, you and I both know that Nam isn't a wrestler at heart," Adam said with a sigh.

I felt really weird eavesdropping on a conversation about myself. But it wasn't like I was about to break this up. I would have to be totally brain dead to do that. Adam was trying to get along with Jeff. That doesn't happy everyday… or any day for that matter.

"She's good at acting the part but it's not her," Adam continued.

"And what do I have to do with this exactly?" Jeff asked. I didn't know if he was just playing stupid or actually was. In my mind, he knew damn well what Adam was trying to say, but just wanted to hear Adam say it.

"You and her… I don't get it, but you work," Adam said in a pretty calm tone. "In some ways, I think you fit better together than her and I."

I didn't know if Adam was just saying things that Jeff wanted to hear or if he really meant them. Either way, I couldn't have been more astonished and grateful. This meant more to me than he could ever know. And considering he didn't know I was hearing all of it, he would never know of it.

"She needs her best friend back," Adam reasoned and I hoped that Jeff was still listening. "Without you… she doesn't work here at all. I love her too much to sit back and watch her suffer because of my foolish pride."

At that moment, Adam Copeland was officially crowned Boyfriend of the Year.

"I can't sit by and watch her beat herself up because she feels like she drove you away," Adam continued in a sober tone.

"She knows why deep down," Jeff said, still in a resilient tone. I couldn't believe he was still refusing to truly listen to what Adam was saying.

"Probably, but Nam isn't the brightest crayon in the box when it comes to common sense," Adam said lightheartedly with a small chuckle. I felt like speaking up for myself, but realized that I wasn't supposed to be hearing any of this.

"Obviously. She is dating you after all," Jeff said and I could tell that Adam's little joke had broken some of Jeff's hostility. I guess I could let the comment slide then.

"I set myself up for that one, didn't I?" Adam asked jokingly.

"Just a little," Jeff said, returning the cheerful tone.

But then, silence fell over the pair. I had to figure that it was pretty awkward seeing as neither of them were friends. But in those few moments, they could maybe have caught a glimpse into what used to be. They once were pretty close, even though Jeff has admitted that Adam was more of Matt's friend than he was his. I guess it was too much to ask for them to let bygones be bygones.

"Well… I don't expect either of us to really get along anytime soon, but… I want to apologize for anything I have done to hurt your friendship with Nami," Adam said.

At times, I felt like he must know that I was watching because I couldn't imagine him saying these things any other way. But his tone suggested that he was being serious and it just made me love him even more.

"I know there is a lot more I should apologize for and to other people besides yourself… but at least this is a start," Adam admitted. I nodded my head in agreement. This was a big step in the right direction, if only Jeff would hear him out.

"Is she alright?" Jeff asked in a concerned tone, after a few moments of silence.

Had he been listening to anything Adam had said?

"She will be once you talk with her," Adam said with a laugh. "And after our match is over tonight."

That was true. The Money in the Bank match had almost totally left my mind. But it at least seemed that these two were on the same page. I could only hope that meant no bodily harm would come to either of them.

"Did you tell her about…"

"Oh God no," Adam said before Jeff could finish his statement. All my feelings of contentment left in that instant. They were up to something. "I hinted to John to watch out for her and reassure her that everything's fine once it happens."

Well, at least I knew that John probably had a good idea of what was going to happen. I would just have to pester him until I got the truth.

"She's going to kill both of us," Jeff said with a laugh.

"No, probably only me," Adam said and I could tell that their voices were getting softer as they were probably walking further down the hallway. "She'll be happy that you're talking with her once again."

"That's true," Jeff said. "Fuck, I would love to see her reaction."

"I know, but…"

I couldn't hear any more. I jumped down off of the box and emerged from around the corner. It was an empty hallway once more. I smiled to myself as I slowly walked back up the hallway towards the locker rooms still in the afterglow of what I had just overheard. Yet standing outside of the guys' room, I knew that I needed to keep it to myself. Adam couldn't know that I had just overheard him. I didn't want him to think that I was purposely spying on him, as it wasn't my intent.

"Someone looks to be in a better mood," Randy scoffed as I opened the door. I gave him a small glare, but soon the smile came back on my face as I looked over at Adam.

"Someone looks to be in _too good_ of a mood," John said with a laugh. "I guess you are finally coming around to this whole ladder match thing. Good thing as it is only thirty minutes away."

"Something like that," I said as I went over to sit down next to Adam.

He turned to me with a quizzical look on his face, like he knew that something was up. I was really bad at hiding my emotions from him. Yet before he could voice any of his suspicions, I leaned in and captured his lips with my own. He smiled against our kiss and ran his fingers through my hair, pulling me half on top of him in the process. I felt his tongue run on my lower lip and knew I needed to pull away. I wasn't about to have a full-on make-out session with my boyfriend when two of his friends were present.

"I love you… more than you could ever know."

* * *

"_And the back of his neck caught the ladder."_

I jumped up from my seat slightly after seeing Kennedy miss Matt on ladder, as he rolled out of the way, but clip his neck on the way down. I heard John chuckle next to me as this was how I was behaving the whole match. For the past ten minutes, these eight men had been throwing themselves on ladders, throwing ladders at each other, and many other stunts that made my heart stop beating. Nothing heart attack worthy yet, but it was getting there.

"I didn't see you jump at Jeff's Swanton," John said.

"That's because I am used to seeing it," I said. "But trust me; every time he does it, I say a prayer that nothing goes wrong."

"Has Orton gotten in the ring yet?" John asked jokingly, as Matt and Jeff used a ladder to knock him off the apron.

"I think just at the beginning before the match really began," I said with a chuckle. He and CM Punk had spent much of the time battling each other on the outside.

"_Jeff Hardy, inches away from securing the briefcase,"_ JR said, as both Matt and Jeff stood on opposite sides of the ladder, reaching for the briefcase overhead.

"No, no, no, don't push it…"

Yet before I could finish my statement, Finlay pushed the ladder that both Hardys were standing on over, toppling them to the top rope below. At least they both landed on their feet so I knew they were semi-alright. I didn't think anyone could come out of this unscathed… well maybe Orton could. He couldn't get that hurt by lying outside the ring.

"So who do you think is going to win?" John asked as we watched Finlay try and clear the ring of opponents.

"I have to go with Adam," I said with a smile. "Have to be loyal to my boyfriend."

"But if you didn't have to be?" he asked with a laugh.

"I would then have to say Jeff," I said. "And no, I am not being biased because I valet for him. He deserves it. What about you?"

"Not too sure," John said as Finlay picked up a ladder off of the ring's surface. "I would say Orton, but he is being a lazy ass at the moment. But it would be a pretty good birthday present."

I was about to respond when Adam came flying out of practically thin air and speared Finlay beneath the ladder he was carrying. I clapped slightly earning another chuckle from the man next to me. Randy had finally made it to his feet and in the ring only to be speared by his partner. Booker got to his feet and was plowed back down as well. Adam did the same to Kennedy, Matt, and Jeff. He went to complete the full set of spears by running at the prone CM Punk in the corner. Yet Punk jumped up and over the diving Adam, sending him into the ring post.

"You knew it was too good to be true," John said as Punk picked up a ladder and began circling around in the center of the ring.

He knocked into quite a few of his opponents. I found it quite humorous when he hit Randy, knocking him once more from his vertical base. He stood there for a few moments deciding what to do next, but his hesitation cost him. Finlay and Randy got back to their feet and stood on either side of him. This allowed Adam's oncoming spear to be even more lethal. The force of his attack knocked Punk back and the ladder hit both Finlay and Orton causing all three men to be taken out.

"Better late than never," I said, as Adam finally completed his seventh spear and the achievement of spearing all of his opponents. "Where is he going?"

"Looks like he is going to get the real hardware," John said with a grin, as Adam headed over to the large ladder at the base of the ramp. I knew that nothing good would come of this.

"_It's the king of the ladder match guys," _JBL said as Adam set up the huge ladder in the center of the ring.

"I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but I think Orton is about to kill your boy's hopes," John said, as Adam started to climb up the ladder with a revived Orton staggering to his feet.

Randy grabbed at Adam's boot halting his progress up the ladder. Adam tried to climb a little higher which led to Randy pushing the ladder over. I jumped from my seat on the couch once more as he hit the mat on the outside of the ring. Since it was the higher ladder, he didn't land on his feet in the ring like Jeff and Matt had done earlier. They zoomed in on Adam lying on the mat as I slowly sat back down.

"He looks fine," John said reassuringly.

I just nodded slightly and prayed that that was the moment that Adam and Jeff were speaking of. But of course, Jeff wasn't involved so it sort of put a damper on that theory.

"See? Jeff got him back for you," John said, as Jeff performed a reverse suplex on Randy, incapacitating him on the mat once more. I saw Jeff pointing to Matt on the outside of the ring and immediately I got a bad feeling about what was going to happen.

"John, if you know anything, I want you to tell me now," I said as Jeff began to upright the huge ladder in the ring once more and Matt pulled Adam to a kneeling position.

"I wish I could babe, but I honestly don't know," John said as Matt picked up Adam and laid him on a ladder that was supported by the ring and the barricade to the crowd.

"God no," I muttered as I watched Jeff set the ladder in the ring next to the ropes by Adam's prone body.

Matt laid his upper body over Adam halting him from rising. Jeff began to climb up the ladder and I had to agree with what JBL was screaming. Just go for the win! But that is not Jeff's style. He always needs to steal the show. Matt got off of Adam and was goading Jeff on. I shook my head slightly and wanted to cover my eyes, but I knew that that would just make my internal feelings worse.

"_What's wrong with you, you lunatic? Win the damn match!"_

JBL continued to be surprisingly the voice of reason as Jeff climbed higher up the ladder. He was a few rungs from the top when he stopped and turned around to face the crowd and Adam's body below. He did his signature two gun salute to the crowd before looking down and jumping. Everything went in slow motion for me at that moment as Jeff came down and legdropped Adam through the ladder. I think I actually felt my heart stop beating at that moment. John reached over and pulled me closer to him as I stared in shock at the screen.

The ladder was bent like a "V" as the weight of Adam and force from Jeff's jump caused it to twist. I knew that it wasn't as extreme as some of the things that they had done in the past, but like Jeff said, they were years ago. Adam and Jeff were still young, but not to be flying through ladders. I watched as Adam's lifeless body slipped off the ladder and fell next to Jeff in a heap on the ground. A ref was quick to go over and make sure that they were okay, but I couldn't tell anything from where I was.

"They're fine babe," John whispered as he rubbed comforting circles on my back.

All the words in the world could not sate the feelings in me at that moment. And I knew that I couldn't just sit back here and watch. I got to my feet and quickly scampered out the door, not listening to anything Cena was yelling to me. I quickly ran down the hallway and towards the gorilla position. I saw a few medical teams were lined up beyond the curtain.

"Ms. Shepherd, what are you doing…"

"I need to get out there," I exclaimed as I watched the action from the small monitor nearby.

They were still showing Jeff's jump on replays. I just turned away and looked at him with pleading eyes. The backstage manager sighed and let me through. It wasn't like it would be going against any storyline as I was Jeff's_ girlfriend_. I hustled out onto the stage and down the ramp as quickly as I could without tripping. The medical team was right behind me as I made my way over to the two fallen men. I stepped over Jeff so I could kneel between both of them. I knew that the camera was probably on me so I turned to Jeff first.

"Are you okay?" I asked in a whisper, as I brushed a few locks of hair out of his face.

I heard him chuckle slightly and knew that he might be a little bruised, but nothing too permanent. I turned to glance at Adam as the medical workers gingerly were placing him on the backboard. I saw that his eyes were shut and he probably didn't even realize I was there. I reached over and lightly grasped his fingers in my own and squeezed them slightly. I didn't know if he knew who it was, but I didn't care. I was too scared for his safety.

The medical workers were strapping Adam to a backboard to put on an accompanying stretcher, but no one was looking after Jeff. He was struggling to push himself up. I knew that I couldn't interact with Adam anymore so I got up and stepped back over Jeff's form so I could be facing him. I knelt back down and grasped his hands in my own. I pulled him onto his side and gave him a small smile as he grimaced in pain. I hoped that most of it was acting. I leant in close to him and placed a light kiss on his lips.

"So much for slowing down," I murmured before pulling away from him.

He and Adam could talk all they want about not taking too many risks now that they had proven themselves. They just proved the opposite tonight. A few workers came over to Jeff, as Adam was already strapped in his backboard. I got up from kneeling next to him and stood next to the ring as I watched them examine him. I looked over at Adam's still lifeless form and just shook my head. They really didn't need to do this. They gently moved Jeff out of the way so they could load Adam onto the stretcher.

Within a few moments, they wheeled Adam up the ramp as the others now spent their time inspecting and working on Jeff. He waved off the stretcher and stumbled to his feet with help of the ring apron. I came over and supported his weight. He looked at me through bleary eyes and motioned to the ramp. Slowly but surely we began to walk toward the entrance ramp. With one arm, Jeff held his back. The other was thrown over my shoulder. We heard the crowd applaud as we made our way up the ramp. I looked over at the screen and saw that the camera was on the action in the ring.

"You and Adam are insane, you know that?" I murmured. He laughed once more and leaned his head on my shoulder.

"Nothing went wrong Meemz," he said lightly. "There's nothing like being at Wrestlemania and getting your moment to shine. Once we knew we weren't going to win, we wanted to steal the show."

"You stole it alright," I replied. "And it's only the first broadcasted match."

"Well then… mission accomplished," Jeff said as we made it to the top of the ramp.

Jeff let go of his back to give his signature hand gesture one more time before we headed backstage. As soon as we were out of the audience's view, Jeff straightened up a little more and let his arm drop from my shoulder. He surprised me by pulling me into an embrace. I smiled and brought my hand up to embrace him around his neck. I didn't want to even touch his back, as I knew that it was hurting him before tonight. Granted, he didn't do a huge Swanton on to Adam, but I knew that the match had taken its toll.

"I see she hasn't killed you yet."

I turned around and saw Adam leaning against the wall nearby.

"I'm surprised that you can actually stand," I said with a shake of my head as Jeff and I let go of the hold we had on each other. He pushed off of the wall and gingerly made his way over to me. He pulled me to him and kissed the top of my head.

"Just a little bruised," he said. "I see that John didn't really do his job."

"If you honestly thought that I was going to stay back there after witnessing that, you obviously don't know me all that well," I said as I pulled back to look at him in his eyes.

"Oh, I know you," Adam said with a grin as he grasped my fingers in his own. He squeezed it lightly just as I had done earlier and I knew that he was aware that it was me next to him ringside. "And I wouldn't have had it any other way."

"So you survived," Jeff said as he came over to stand beside me.

"So did you," I murmured with a smile. "And since you both are actually able to function, I guess you are safe from my wrath… for now anyway."

The three of us walked out of the area together and fell into conversation. They needed to head over to the medical area to be checked out. Better safe than sorry. I could tell in Jeff's tone that he really took Adam's earlier conversation to heart. I knew that we would need to have a talk of our own later. But for now, we all seemed to be on the same page. Wrestlemania was really proving to be the biggest and best night in the business. Any night that Jeff and Adam could get along and talk as friends was truly a night of magic.

* * *

"Hey, do you have a second?"

I turned around and smiled at Jeff. I nodded my head and he pulled me off to the side. Randy's big birthday bash was in full swing and it was hard to find any quiet place in the club. Sam had rented out a nightclub in downtown Detroit to hold the celebration that was packed with all of the members of the WWE family, some past and present. I went out into the lobby area trying to find a little downtime. Adam was busy talking with Amy and I felt like a third wheel when I was around them. She seemed nice, but there was too much tension between us to ever build a friendship.

"Enjoying yourself?" Jeff asked as we both made our way outside of the club. It wasn't that brisk of weather outside, but without a jacket I had to wrap my arms around my chest to try and keep warm.

"Yeah, a little tired though," I said with a laugh.

"Me too," he replied. "I wasn't going to come tonight, but I figured that we needed to talk. And I knew you were going so… yeah."

I really didn't know how to respond to his comment so I stayed silent. I looked at him with questioning eyes and waited for him to speak.

"Your match went well tonight," Jeff said, as he hadn't seen me since I left him off at his locker room after the Money in the Bank match.

"Didn't really do much but get in a catfight with some of the girls," I said with a laugh. "Nothing like jumping through a ladder and almost breaking someone's back."

"He knew what he was getting into," Jeff said with a chuckle of his own. "So how is he holding up?"

"I doubt he will be sleeping soundly tonight, but other than a little, _constant_ pain, he's going to be fine," I said with a small smile. "How about you?"

"Your boyfriend broke my fall," he said with a smile and shrug, dodging the question in his own way.

"Yeah, I noticed," I said, as I waited for the real reason he wanted to talk. I wasn't supposed to know about his discussion with Adam.

"So… about Tuesday," Jeff started as he looked from his feet then back to my face. "I don't want to say that everything I said was bullshit cause it wasn't. But, I know that I was wrong for just walking away from you. I promised you that I would never change the way I felt about you and maybe it was a fucked up promise to make… but I made it."

"Look, I'm not going to hold you to anything if…" I said brusquely but he quickly silenced me by placing a few fingers over my mouth. He dropped them when he saw that I wasn't going to speak anymore.

"That's not what I meant," he said with a smile. "It was fucked up because change is inevitable in anything. Nothing stays the same forever. But it's not a bad thing. My feelings for you have grown so much from when we first became friends months ago. At times, I wanted you to be more than a friend and I can't lie and say that those thoughts have totally left me. I'm not one that wants to look back on my life and say that I had any regrets. And I don't want you to be one of them… but I also don't want to give up on something that I have and cherish. And I know you feel the same way."

I nodded my head. After everything that Adam had done, especially tonight, I would be an idiot for having any romantic thoughts that weren't about him.

"I was taking the easy way out on Tuesday," Jeff said as he grasped my hand in his. "I thought that if I pushed you away, everything could go back to the way it once was. You could be happy with Adam and I could be totally out of the picture. But I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss you from the moment I left the arena that night."

"I'm happy that it was mutual," I said with a small smile.

"Oh, it was," Jeff said. "I tried to just remain stoic and uncaring as I thought that it would just drive you away. Yet you kept trying and it was getting harder and harder to do it. I had to just try and flat out avoid you at the ceremony last night."

"I knew that was what you were doing," I exclaimed with a laugh.

"Yeah," he replied. "I saw you a few times and knew that you were trying to get my attention so I just slid out of sight for awhile. I thought that you would take the hint but you never did."

"Hey, as Adam says, I'm not the brightest crayon in the box," I said with a laugh. Yet as soon as it left my mouth, I wished I could take it back. He wasn't supposed to know that.

"He actually called you that to your face?" Jeff asked with a chuckle and I knew I was in the clear. I just nodded and tried to cover up any guilt that was on my face. "He told me the same thing earlier."

"You talked with him?" I asked as I tried to reclaim my ignorance.

"Yeah," he said with a sheepish grin. "And please, don't think that our talk now has anything to do with it, but Adam pretty much bitched me out and told me I was being a jackass. I admit I was, but hearing it from him made me feel like a total bastard. I couldn't believe that he was actually talking to me and telling _me_ that he wanted you and I to make up. I thought he was insane or something. But he did make a lot of sense and I thanked him for it. I couldn't believe that I was actually in gratitude to Adam Copeland for anything. Maybe that made me take it a little easier on him tonight."

"Uh-huh cause getting drilled through a ladder is taking it easy," I said as we both turned and headed back toward the doors of the club.

"Guess not," he said with a grin as he held the door upon for me. "But we definitely will be on the Wrestlemania highlight reel for years to come."

"You both were already on that reel," I said loudly as we returned to the main area of the party. "You two are just showoffs! That is what it really is!"

"Okay, you got me," Jeff said sarcastically.

"I knew I would figure you out one day," I said, also in a joking manner.

"You already have darlin'," he said as he pulled me into a hug. I felt another presence behind me. I pulled back and looked over my shoulder to see my boyfriend's smiling face. Jeff let go of his hold on me and Adam quickly latched his arms around my waist, pulling me toward him.

"I see the happy couple has kissed and made up," Adam said with a smile.

"Not too sure about the kissing part, but yeah," I said as I looked over at Jeff.

He winked at me and nodded to Adam before walking away. I turned around in my boyfriend's arms and looked up into his eyes. He leaned down to kiss me, but I quickly dodged his lips. He leaned back and stared down at me in confusion. I smiled even more brightly and ran my fingers through his hair. I thought that this night was going to end in disaster, but everything had run seemingly perfect.

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?"


	45. And Why I Had To Try It

_A.N. - Normal Disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. Some of Edge's dialogue in the chapter is from WWE Backlash 2007. Poem belongs to SH Payer. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed. "mwentzcena", "Fozzy-Floozy", "Farra Sti", "68 stones from a broken heart", "Hatter-Zombie", and "Inday" - thank you all for your great reviews and for the advice (I really appreciate it and have decided what I am going to do on that subject)._

_This chapter is the final WWE chapter, but that doesn't mean that her friends will be forgotten. There are some things that are mentioned in this chapter (i.e. Randy trashing hotel rooms and Italy tour) that have happened but weren't discussed. Thwy will be as all of the upcoming chapters will have flashbacks. So, here is the end of Part II. It took forever to write cause I didn't know how to end it. But I am staying true to the first chapter of the story. Peace and Love!!_

* * *

The loud strains of Melina's highly metallic theme blared throughout the arena. The noise was as much of an assault on my being as Melina's attack. Ten whole minutes of competitive brawling that ended in a reverse DDT for the pin. Melina's primal scream before she hit the move was more wounding than the actual move. The ref counted the pinfall and the champion was victorious once more.

Nevertheless, a hidden smile was shining through my being. And as much as I hated to say it, this was one of the best moments of my life. I remember hearing stories from my friends on what it felt like to win the championship. All were over-emotionally charged tales of relief, disbelief, and pride. Lying on the mat, staring up at the lights of the Phillips Arena, I felt those same emotions… and I had lost. But to me, the outcome didn't matter.

In Adam's high school yearbook, he was voted "most likely to win the WWF Championship". I was voted "most likely to succeed", yet I doubted my peers had this type of success in mind. And as I struggled to sit up, staring at the crowd around me, I couldn't help but think that maybe I could get used to it. Yet as soon as that thought entered my mind, it dissolved into nothingness. This was their dream, not mine.

I rolled out of the ring and got to my feet. I took a few seconds just to look around me. This was the last time I would be feeling this electrifying pulse run through my body. I knew that women's wrestling wasn't a major draw to the show and the crowd was awaiting the other matches. But I felt the emotion of the moment overtake me.

"_That makes Edge a very happy man."_

I looked up at the screen as I headed up the ramp. I smiled as I watched Adam's interview with Maria. I was there when he had filmed it earlier and had to stifle a laugh. I jokingly tied his hair half up into a ponytail and he kept it that way for the shoot. He looked so adorable.

"_It makes my path to my third… count 'em: one, two, three… third WWE championship that much easier."_

I was going to miss watching him shoot his promos. He was amazing at playing his character. He metamorphosed into Edge so well that it was scary sometimes. I subconsciously looked away from the screen as I made it to the top of the ramp. I took everything in around me, knowing that it was my final goodbye.

* * *

"You did great tonight."

I turned my head slightly and smiled a small grin. Both Adam and I were on the losing sides of our matches, but none of that mattered. We both did well and made it out of the 'squared circle' safe and sound.

"So did you," I murmured with a quick kiss to Adam's chin, the closest of his handsome features to my lips.

"And now, we're all set for our immediate future… both personally and professionally," Adam said with a beaming grin. "I have my upcoming feud with Randy and you can continue your feud with Melina. That gold will be around your waist in no time."

"I'm… not so sure," I whispered meekly, not really ready to let the truth sink in.

"Well in any case, you still have your valeting gig," Adam replied, not really picking up on all of my brewing emotions. "Who knew that the Hardys would actually win gold again?"

"Hey!" I stated in defense of my friends and their accomplishment.

"I didn't mean it like that beautiful," he said with a chuckle. "It just reminds me of my own tag team days."

"Which really weren't so long ago," I added with a laugh. "Or did you already forget about your Legend Killer partner?"

"How could I?" he responded sardonically. "But I really meant my days with Jay. We dominated the tag team division… well with some help from the Hardys and Dudleys. That was back when the tag team gold meant so much more. Now, it seems like the heavyweight championships are the only ones with any prestige."

I just lightly nodded my head in agreement and we fell into silence once more. Adam subconsciously was lightly tracing my bare arm with the palm of his hand, making shivers run down my spine. Yet he was too lost in his own thoughts to notice. It was moments like this that I would really come to miss. We were in each other's company and just the feeling of being in the other's arms was enough. Granted, we had already sated some of our sexual appetites earlier in the night.

And in this moment, I realized that I needed to try one more time to open up to Adam. Over the course of the past month, I had tried numerous times to gain absolution from him. I wanted to confess everything and be freed from the guilt that I was sick of bearing. Yet one look into his eyes and all of my bravado crumbled. I knew he deserved the truth and this would be one of my last opportunities to make things totally right with him.

"Adam, I want you to know that…"

My voice became a ghost of a whisper and became caught in the back of my throat. He brought his hand to my face and gently tilted it toward him so I was staring right into his gaze.

"You want me to know?" he asked with questioning eyes.

"That… you'll never know… how much I love you," I murmured as I felt a tear begin to slide down my cheek.

He wiped it away with the pad of his thumb before giving me a heartbreaking smile. I could see in his eyes that he knew that that wasn't my original intent. Yet he also understood that I would never lie to him about my emotions. I might try to avoid the truth, but my love for him always shown brightly.

I lifted myself off of his chest and wrapped the bed sheet snuggly around my sitting form. I turned away from him and tried to collect my thoughts. Yet soon I felt Adam's hand run up along my slightly bruised back. I moaned lightly in pleasure before turning back toward Adam. He let his hand fall back to his side.

"Like what you see?" Adam asked playfully as my gaze lingered on his body longer than normal.

Little did he know that I was trying to commit everything about him to memory, as that was all he was going to soon be. I let the sheet fall around me and gracefully climbed over top of Adam. I was overwhelmed by all of the mixed emotions running through me.

I gazed down at Adam's face. His hazy green eyes were half lidded and shining with lustful yet tender passion. His perfectly structured nose and full lips that were drawn together in a Mona Lisa smile. His strong, chiseled chin that always seemed to interlock perfectly with the top of my head when we slept. I leaned down and lightly placed kisses on each of the features; butterfly kisses that were more for me than him.

I continued my trail to the nape of his neck and tenderly kissed my way down. This was not about ravenous lust. This was all about my love for Adam. My lips lightly brushed over each of his broad, muscular shoulders and found their way to his chest. His skin was glowing in the faint moonlight coming through the curtains but also from our earlier passion. The slight sheen of sweat only made his muscles stand out more in relief like a statue.

I lightly traced my lips over these converging planes, making a slow path to his navel. Yet before I could go any lower, Adam grasped my arms and gently reversed our positions. My breathing quickened at the action as I was so caught up in my own emotions to think of anything but Adam's form. His face peered down at mine, only a few inches of space separating us. I felt his arousal pressing against me and suspected that he had enough of my light teasing. Too bad that it served more of a purpose than that in my heart. Yet Adam surprised me by leaning back and sitting on his haunches.

I saw him staring down at my uncovered form with the same intensity as I had done before. I tried to cover my exposed breasts with my hands, as I was still modest around him and his gaze. Yet Adam deftly removed my hands and gently placed them back at my sides. I felt a light blush spread through my body and I closed my eyes to halt my discomfort. I expected Adam to ask for me to open my eyes, yet the plea never came. Silence still echoed throughout the room as I lied in darkness.

I felt Adam's hands move to my head, one running its fingers through my hair, the other casually stoking my flushed cheek. After a few moments, neither of his actions ceased but I felt Adam place evenly delicate kisses in a random pattern across my face. After, he trailed his lips down to my throat. Unlike the previous light action, Adam pressed his lips so firm against the flesh that it wasn't long before it became inflamed and most likely reddened.

I opened my eyes slightly and they locked with my partner's. He smiled a soft grin before returning his lips to my own. Yet they only lingered for a moment as he quickly moved his attention downward. He circled gentle kisses across the top swell of my breasts. His tongue snuck out and circled the flesh until his lips closed around my right nipple. I felt a molten ecstasy run through me and I arched up slightly off of the bed. Adam repeated the same attention to the other breast causing the same reaction from my body. He slightly pulled back and my body settled down and once again returned to its lusty haze.

He didn't return his lips to their previous position but moved them lower across the slight curve between my chest and stomach. His lips moved from the middle to the beginning of the curve of my right hip. He once again repeated the same affection to the other side of my form. As soon as his mouth made it to the slope near my navel, I grasped his head in my hands, pulling his body back up my form.

No words needed to be said. Our affectionate exchanges of praise and love spoke volumes in both of our hearts. Adam raised his body firmly over my wilting form. There were too many emotions and thoughts stirring in my brain. His overwhelming embrace was taking over me. He brought his face right next to mine as our bodies became snugly joined. We both fell deeper and deeper into an abyss of passionate ecstasy. Yet this was one engulfing void that I never wanted to find my way out of.

* * *

I heard the springs of the mattress move and I quickly shot a glance over my shoulder. He was still asleep. Fatigue was threatening me with the same fate, but I could succumb just yet. I turned back to look at the papers in front of me. Nothing was marked on them, but soon I hoped that they would be filled with my innermost feelings directed to the ones I had come to love and care for. It was the only thing I could do now for them. They had given me so much the past few months and now I needed to do the unthinkable: disappear.

I picked up my pen and thought of what to write. I felt like I was writing my final declaration as if I was about to plunge a sword though my heart. Yet in essence, that is sort of what it felt like as my heart was breaking inside the cavity of my chest. I couldn't just write one letter as I had originally planned. It would be impossible to address everyone who touched my heart. And to tell the truth, I didn't know where to begin.

I put the tip of the pen on the clean sheet of paper and scrawled out Adam's name on top. Soon, after a few moments of silent contemplation, I knew that I couldn't begin there. I turned back around and watched Adam sleep. A few tears slipped from my eyes and I couldn't believe what I was doing. I knew that it probably sounded insensible and insane – leaving everything I had come to love without a trace – but it was what I needed to do… at least for awhile.

I needed to find out who I really was once again. My whole sense of myself had become shaken over the past few months. I came into this endeavor thinking that I knew myself. I was wrong. But the person that I had become wasn't me as well. I needed time to find the real Nami Shepherd before I could try to bring this life back into my old one. I turned back to the desk and shuffled the papers so a blank sheet was in front of me. I took a deep breath and just started writing.

_Randy,_

_This is the first of many letters I've decided to write to try and explain things that will become apparent soon. You were really the first person I met in the business (even if it was on the wrong foot). I'm sorry for that by the way. I was acting with indifference for the business as a whole. All of the rumors I had heard about you from my wrestling fan friends didn't help either. Yet to my pleasant surprise, you were so much more than I could have ever believed from what you portray on the screen. Sure, you're an egotistical jackass, but even you will admit that. But beneath that, you are different. _

_I never thought that I would get to see the man behind the façade. And when I did, you surprised me with your loyalty, passion (and no, I am not talking about our one ill-fated kiss), and respect. These attributes make up your character and not always the Legend Killer veneer the world is so keen on seeing. I wish I could tell you how much you helped me these past few months. Unlike many of the others, you didn't care how uncouth you may have sounded. You would always tell me the truth. And I respect and love you for it. No matter how many times I would grumble and complain about the way you treated me, I knew (deep down mind you) that it was your way of showing you cared._

_I don't know what you will think after you find out the truth, and I don't mean just about me leaving the WWE. You are always a hard one to predict when it comes to a reaction. But I hope, that the next time we cross paths in this thing called life, you can still look at me the way you did tonight. I will always consider you a friend in my heart, even if my next actions seem to suggest anything but. Watch over Adam for me. I know that he might need a friend in the aftermath of my decision. I know that this seems like a cowardly and anomalous way out of things, but soon you will understand._

_Thank you for being the best Valentine a girl could ask for. I wish you and Sam the best of luck. Take some advice you gave me once and don't fuck it up._

_I'll love you always,  
__Nami_

_P.S. – No more hotel trashing, "boyfriend in theory". At least now we both have things we'll never live down._

I looked down at the finished letter. I wanted to divulge the real reason for my leaving, but I couldn't. I figured that these letters would have to be enough absolution to get me through the days. I folded Randy's letter and pushed it inside an envelope. I scribbled his name on the front and put it off to the side. It didn't give me the relief I thought it would. I just hoped that the more I wrote, the more comfortable I would become.

_John,_

_The Champ is still here! Hell of a match tonight. It was good to see Adam back in the thick of things, but you still came out on top. Can't say I am too surprised. You wear the belt well with both grace and charm. But enough about Backlash._

_After the first letter, I thought it would get easier. But saying goodbye to the people you have come to love as much as family is hard to do. I know that you probably think I am being my overly dramatic self. I wish it was just that. Your time might be now, but my time is up. That decision was not as hard as my next and soon you will see what it is. I thought that I would be able to do this better; walk away with pride and support. But I could never say the things that I needed to say. And now, my time has run out and I was only left with two choices: man up to everything or run away._

_As you can probably tell by now, I chose the latter. And I think in the end, it will end up hurting more, knowing that my goodbyes were in written form and not said directly to your faces. But I guess that was what I was born to do… take away from that statement what you will._

_I know that I am probably letting you down with the way I am choosing to bow out, but I was never one for confrontation. Maybe that was a reason I could never last in this business. You have so much dedication and drive to be the best John Cena and everyone sees it every time they observe you in whatever you do. I never met someone like you, but then again there can only be one John Cena._

_I love you champ. Watch over Adam for me. Hopefully when we meet again, I will be the same girl you have come to call your friend. You will always be with me wherever I go._

_Love always,  
__Nami_

I wiped my brow in frustration and folded John's note. It got the same treatment as the one before and was set on top of Randy's. It was a little easier to write, but I knew I was only kidding myself. No matter how many of these I wrote, there were going to be two that would drive me to the brink of depression. I had to keep convincing myself that I was doing the right thing.

_Melina,_

_My back is still sore from all of the bumps I took tonight. But it is one of the best feelings in the world, knowing what went down only a few hours ago. It might have only been ten minutes, but out there under the lights, just you and me… it was indescribable. Even though I was on the losing end of the battle, it was the best moment in my career, as short as it was. And yes, it is over. I know that it is sort of unexpected, but I think you all saw it coming. You hold on to that title of yours for as long as you can. Show Cena that there can be another dominant champ in the business besides him._

_So getting off the topic of the actual wrestling, you were the best female roommate I ever had. I wish that all of my previous experiences were as pleasant as the one we shared. I also wished that I had gotten a chance to know you a lot better. But from the time that we have spent together, I know your true character is a total 180 turn from the woman on the screen every week. Don't change._

_I hope our paths cross once again and you will still call me your friend. I know it sounds rash and insensible, but trust me – I am making a valid request. You'll see why soon._

_Stay sweet and strong,  
__Nami_

Melina's letter was short, sweet, and simple. She was the only Diva I really befriended, but our relationship wasn't very deep. Writing her letter was a good reprieve from having to address two of the men who made my stay in the WWE always interesting. I decided to only write three more yet they would take everything I had to complete.

_Jay,_

_I hope that Adam gets this note to you. And if this is Adam, STOP READING! You have your own! But you'll probably end up showing this to him anyway. You may not be brothers by blood, but your spirits are sure in sync with each other. _

_After just writing a few letters to some of my former WWE friends, I thought this one would be simple. We haven't hung out as much. No drunken nights, no rooms shared… but it is just as hard – maybe even harder. You were always my voice of reason. You always knew what to do. I wish that we got to travel with each other like I did with the others. It would have given us a chance to become better friends. _

_Yet maybe it was better this way. You were always my go-to guy as you were separated from everything. And even though your loyalty to Adam was unwavering, I knew you never sacrificed my trust in you. But now, I need to break away from this life and begin a new chapter. And as much as it hurts, everything I have come to know these past months has to be left behind. It will never be forgotten or replicated. I had the time of my life these past months._

_But now it is time for me to go home. And where I am going is a place where I can't take any of you with me. It kills me to do it yet deep inside I know that it is the only way. I never thought I would get into this too deeply, but I have been drowning for quite some time – probably since Adam and I first kissed. But I am happy for the times we all shared. _

_Now, I need air. I need to breathe and to do that, I need to let go. I don't expect any of you to understand it, especially right away. Maybe in time you will. Help Adam understand. If anyone can, it would be you. I know it will be hard, but I need him to know that I will always love him. I hope everything with you and Denise continues to be well._

_I'll love you always,  
__Nami_

_P.S. – Maybe now, after months of not knowing, you can understand this quotation better: "For when my outward action doth demonstrated the native act and figure of my heart in complement extern, 'tis not long after but I will wear my heart upon my sleeve for daws to peck at. I am not what I am."_

It was shorter than I would have liked it to have been. There was so much more I could have said to him but it was hard putting it down in words. I couldn't help but think that maybe this was what Mr. Williams thought that I needed at the beginning of this venture. I needed to see that at times, there were no words to explain certain aspects of life. Actions speak louder than words, but right now all I was left with was my writing. The chance to act was over. There was no more pretending – only truth.

The final two letters needed to be written and I didn't know if I had the words to do it. These were the two who deserved the most and I didn't think I could supply it. I picked up the sheet with Adam's name scrawled at the top. I grasped it in my hand, along with a magazine and my pen, and went over to the armchair nearest to the bed. I needed help to get me through this. I needed guidance. And I knew that even while he was sleeping, he could inspire me. I looked at his resting form and gave him a slight smile.

_Adam,_

_First and foremost, I want you to know that I love you. Never forget that. I never meant to fall in love as I knew it would make this day impossible. Now that I have come to the final moments, I realize just how accurate I was. That's probably the only thing I've predicted right these past few months. I wish I could say that this is something I am being forced into doing, yet it is all on me. I just hope that in time, you understand why it had to be like this._

_Right now, as you are reading this, maybe you can finally understand why I was so reluctant to be with you. Your charm won me over in the end and I'll never forget it. You are and will always be the love of my life. You make me feel things that I thought were only possible in love songs and dreams. You made all of my dreams seem feasible and you're light never dimmed. You shine so brightly and I wish I could stay to bask in it. _

_I know that you probably won't understand and I admit I am going through extreme circumstances to isolate myself. Please don't try and find me. Don't hound my friends for information cause you will find none. And even if you do, I don't think you will ever forgive me. I know that one day we will meet again. I hope that you will learn to understand and forgive me. I did try and tell you. Remember that night in Florence? Yeah, this was what I was trying to say. My words kept getting in the way of what I wanted to really say._

_Nothing was ever supposed to get this intense. You always knew I was different and you were right for wanting to watch me so closely. You were always so close to the real truth and you knew it. If you kept looking, you would have found it. I think the reason you stopped is because you knew that you didn't want to find out that I was anything but what I told you. I never tried to outright lie to you, but I never told you the full truth. And even now, I really can't._

_I wish that I could write about how much you mean to me. But it is indescribable. I could write poetry and lovey-dovey words, but everything would be artificial. Words are all artifice. This whole declaration could be seen as contrived. But the love I have for you… that is real. _

_I understand that it will take time for you to accept things (if you ever do). A full understanding of my actions might never come and even if it does, it will be a long time coming. Please know that I never meant to hurt you and this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I would like to say that I would go __back and change everything. But that would be a lie in itself. If I never knew you, I would still be incomplete. You mean the world to me and no one could ever take your place in my heart._

_I will love you forever and I'll see you in my dreams,  
__Nami_

I quickly folded the sheet and stuffed it in an envelope, making sure no tears landed on the fresh ink. I got up and tossed the magazine back on the desk. I gathered the letters and gently put them in my bag. There was no way I could finish tonight. I wouldn't do justice to the final letter if I did and it was the most important.

I made sure all of the evidence of my writing was hidden before going back over to the bed. I pulled the tee shirt over my head and let it fall back to the ground. I tugged the sheet down and crawled in next to Adam. I lied next to him, just staring at the peaceful content look on his face. I brushed the final tears from my eyes before laying my head lightly on his chest. Involuntarily, his arm wrapped around my form and our naked flesh became fused as one. I gently shifted my head so my gaze fell upon his own.

"You'll never understand. You'll never forgive. But… just know that I will always love you."

* * *

"Someone's a little sleepy this morning."

I groaned in response as I unconsciously buried my head deeper into the pillow.

"I guess I tired you out a little too much last night."

I groaned once more, trying to push all of the memories from last night out of my mind. Today was my judgment day and I wanted to prolong my demise. Adam's laughter rang into my ears as I felt his form gently straddle my lower back. I was going to complain and grumble, as I wanted to try and sleep some of my mental exhaustion away, but nothing came out.

Adam brought both of his hands to my back and lightly caressed the skin. Soon the gentle caresses turned into a stronger kneading and most of the physical tension began to leave my body. Yet even if Adam gave the best massage in the world, I knew it wouldn't reach and affect the mixed up emotions of my mind. His hands stilled and I could feel his hot breath right next to my ear.

"Good morning beautiful."

His teeth lightly nipped at my ear lobe before sucking the flesh past his lips. I moved my body up off the bed in an attempt to roll over, but Adam's strength was too much to surpass. He chuckled and leaned back once more, my form still trapped underneath his own.

"I'm going to take a shower. Feel free to join."

Adam traced his fingers across both sides of my body until they reached the sides of my ribcage. He lightly tweaked the flesh in a playful manner before crawling off of my form and the bed. I rolled over and stared up at his standing form, clad only in a pair of black briefs. His eyes trailed over my own form and it was then that I noticed that I was completely bare to his gaze. I grasped the sheet and covered my body as my cheeks flushed in modesty.

"You're so fucking adorable, you know that?" Adam said as he came over to the bed once more and lightly kissed my lips.

He pulled back and motioned to the bathroom with a wink before heading in that direction. I chuckled softly but made no move to stand. I rolled on my side and buried my head in the pillow once more, trying to block out the light and let sleep come.

I woke up who knows how much later and groggily sat up. The clock read 8:51 and I groaned. We needed to be out of here by ten and I was nowhere near ready. I rolled out of the bed and noticed a slip of paper fall on the ground. I picked up the note and my discarded clothes in one swipe. I threw my old shirt over my head before peering down at the note:

_Went to breakfast with the guys. Be back before ten.  
__Love you,  
__Adam_

I gripped the note tightly in my hand as I knew that I didn't have much time to write my own final letter. I knew I still needed to get showered and changed, but there was something more important that I needed to do first. I threw the clothes by my bag and pulled out the final of piece of paper and my pen. I sat down at the desk and wiped the rest of my sleep from my eyes. I picked up the pen and began to pour everything I could into words.

_Jeff,_

_My final letter and it will definitely be my hardest. They always say save the best for last. I don't know if it was "best" or difficulty that made me save you to the end, but I did. Trying to explain things to Adam was hard enough. I don't know if he'll ever understand my next few actions. I hope you will. You seem to get me better than anyone I have ever met. It's as if we were cut from the same star._

_It is hard leaving all of this behind. There was a time when I thought that I was in Hell. Those feelings quickly subsided and I found myself enthralled by the WWE's charms. But it wasn't the business itself that gave me something I had always been searching for. You may get a high performing in front of the cheering masses every night, but my high was the times I got to spend will all of you. I wouldn't change anything._

_You always said you never regretted anything you've ever done as it has made you the man you are today. I had regrets, but they pale in comparison to what I am doing now. Not the actual act of leaving (we all knew this wasn't the life for me), but the aftermath. I have some things I need to take care of on my own. I have a new chapter that needs to be written and to do it, I have to leave what I hold most dear behind. Only physically mind you, as you all will never leave me. _

_You, Jeff Hardy, are embedded deep in my soul and not even death will separate us. I love Adam with all my heart, but it is you who is an actual part of me. It is hard to explain, but I know you feel it too. We probably weren't meant to be together. I love you in a way I could never love anyone else. But now, I need to leave. I don't know for how long. I wish I could tell you everything, but I can't. I have come this far and need to see everything through. You will know everything eventually and when you do, know I never meant to hurt any of you._

_I don't know how much more I can write. I'm losing words as there is nothing that could describe the feeling of emptiness these letter have left me with. Tell Matt and Shannon that I will try to "hakuna matata" my way through life. I doubt I will be able to, as all I will do is worry about you guys when I am gone. I wish you and Beth the best in everything you do. I hope you fine\d your 'one' someday, even though I think we both know you already have. Don't forget about me._

_I'll always love you,  
__Nami_

I stopped writing for a moment and flipped the paper over. I remembered the time that we had just recently shared in Italy. It brought a smile to my face and I hasitly scribbled the full text to the poem I had shared with him. We only discussed one section of it, but I thought that the full version made much more sense now:

_Live each day to the fullest.  
Get the most from each hour, each day, and each age of your life.  
Then you can look forward with confidence, and back without regrets._

_Be yourself... but be your best self.  
Dare to be different and follow your own star.  
Don't be afraid to be happy... enjoy what is beautiful.  
Love with all your heart and soul.  
Believe that those you love, love you._

_When you are faced with a decision,  
Make that decision as wisely as possible, then forget it.  
The moment of absolute certainty never arrives.  
And above all, remember that God helps those who help themselves.  
Act as if everything depended on you,  
And pray as if everything depended on God._

I folded the paper and put it lightly into my bag. Now that they were all finished, I needed a tearful emotional release. I walked into the bathroom and quickly turned the shower on. I didn't care about the temperature of the water. I just stepped inside, letting the water wash over me. My tears mingled with the scalding water, but I couldn't feel the heat. I couldn't feel anything but the one thing I promised myself I would never experience again: regret.

* * *

I stumbled out of Vince's office. I couldn't believe that I had actually gone through with it. He laid the contract down in front of me and I refused it. We talked for awhile and once he was convinced that my decision was final and I had no intention on pursuing other sports-entertainment options, he let me go. It was as if a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I was no longer a WWE Diva.

I walked down the hallway and back to the Divas' locker room. Most of the girls were hanging out in catering so I took the opportunity to slip Melina's note in her bag. I took one look around the room, grabbed my things, and went back into the hallway. I made my way to Jeff's locker room next yet he wasn't present. I decided to go to the guys' locker room instead of waiting around. I didn't have much time. I was surprised when all three of its occupants were present.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready for your match tonight?" John asked with a smile. "You're not even dressed."

I just nodded my head and looked away from him. I knew that I could have told him. I was being given another opportunity to tell the truth to all of them. Yet in the end, I wasn't able to. Adam came over and brushed a few locks of hair from my eyes. I looked up at him and luckily there were no tears in my eyes. I was all cried out from everything that I went through the past night.

"You okay?" he asked as he studied me carefully. "You've seemed a little off all morning."

"I'll be okay," I murmured. He shot me a small questioning yet concerned look before laying a light kiss on my temple.

"Well, we all need to get to a meeting," John said. "Figure out what's going to happen when Khali lays ya'll out."

"Wait," I said hastily, before any of them could leave the room. All three of the men turned to me with curious looks.

"We are just going to be down the hall," Randy said flatly. I smiled slightly and went over to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close to me. "_Okay_… but you do realize your boyfriend is standing right over there."

"I just… wanted to say goodbye," I said as I pulled back to look into his crystalline eyes. He laughed lightly and grinned down at me.

"Like I said… _right down the hall_," he muttered. I let go of my grasp on his neck and went over to John. He was still giving me a inquiring look as I wrapped my arms around his neck as well.

"I'll see you around champ," I said with a small smile.

He didn't say anything even though I could tell that he sensed that something was up. He played along though. He pulled me tighter and lifted me off the ground, swinging me slightly in his arms. John set me back on the ground and both he and Randy headed out of the room. Yet not before Randy made a mumbled comment about female hormones and it probably being my time of the month. I turned my attention to Adam as he came over to me and grasped both of my hands in his own.

"Are you sure that everything is fine?" he asked once more, even though I knew he could tell that there was something bothering me.

"I love you," I said with a small smile as I looked up into his eyes. "I will _always l_ove you."

He searched my eyes for a reason yet I leaned up and captured his lips in my own. I couldn't take him trying to pry an answer out of me. I had my written plea waiting for him. I just needed to physically say goodbye for my own mental health. I also didn't want them to think that I snuck off… even though that was what I was doing. I even had a new apartment waiting for me. A new cell phone number. A new life. Nothing was going to be the same.

"I love you too," Adam said when we broke apart, confusion still etched in his features. "I'll talk to you more when I get back, okay?"

I just nodded my head. He kissed me lightly on the top of the head and went over toward the door. I turned and watched his retreating form.

"Goodbye Adam."

It was barely above a whisper, but I think that Adam heard it. Deep in my heart, I knew that all of them (well maybe not Randy) knew that something was up. He left the room and I took a big breath. I opened my bag and pulled out the four letters. I placed all of them in their respective bags, Adam receiving his own and Jay's. I grabbed my bag and rushed out of the room. I still had one letter to deliver and not much time to do it. The news was bound to spread that I was no longer part of the company. I needed to get out before that.

"Meemz, shouldn't you be changed already?"

I said a silent prayer of thanks and turned around and into the arms of oncoming Jeff Hardy. I lightly kissed him on the lips before pulling back. He smiled down at me and I had to constantly tell myself that I had a job to do. I needed to leave immediately yet I also knew that this would be the last time I would see Jeff for awhile.

"I was looking for you earlier," I said softly as I unzipped my bag and pulled out my final white envelope. He looked down at the new item in my hand and saw his name written on the surface. I slipped the envelope into his hand and lightly kissed his cheek. "Please, don't read it right now. I just… needed to tell you some things that I could never say."

"You know you can tell me anything," Jeff said as he eyed the envelope in his hand. I looked away from him and knew that I needed to leave. Vince was bound to talk to Adam at the meeting about it.

"Just remember, that I love you," I said softly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek lightly. "Goodbye Jeff."

With that, I quickly pulled back and scampered down the hallway. I turned the corner and caught my breath before making my way out of the arena. I highly doubted that Jeff waited to read my letter. After that farewell, he would be way too curious. I hurried to the rental car and quickly pulled out of the driveway. Soon, the arena was only a shadow in the distance as was my former life.


	46. Interlude II: See How Much We Can Undo

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE or its Superstars. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed. "Fozzy-Floozy", "x.Hardy.at.Heart.x", "XtremeGirl619", "Hatter-Zombie", "Farra Sti", "JeffHardyFan02", "68 stones from a broken heart", "Inday", and "unlimited emerald0307" - thanks so much for the reviews and kind words about the last chapter. It was painfully hard to write cause I didn't know how to end the active WWE phase and I am happy it was so well received. _

_This chapter starts off the final (most likely shorter) part of the story. This chapter is once again in present tense (the interlude in the title should alert you if not this warning). But the next chapter after this will go back to May sometime... I'm not exactly sure what day and how much time will have passed since Nami's departure. But it will **definitely not** be the conclusion of this scene as that is going to be (probably) the end of the story. I just didn't want to jump right back into things and figured that since I had a present time interlude breaking up the Diva Search and the WWE chapters, I would do the same here. It also gave me a chance to allude to some things that are going to come up in the next part of the story. This picks up right where the last interlude (Chapter 22) left off. Hope this one is a little more understandable than the last one. Peace and Love!!_

* * *

December 12th, 2007  
9:37 PM - Eastern Standard Time

"Anytime you're ready miss, I'll cue up the music."

I was about to nod my head but stopped. I wasn't ready to go out there. What was I thinking in even coming here? I should have let them have this little conference without me. I felt myself backing up before I even told my brain to move. At least my mind and body are in sync with each other for once.

"Nam, you are going out there. Even if I have to push you myself… either mentally or physically. "

"You wouldn't dare," I say through clenched teeth as I turn to face Chris before he could make a move. After some of the stunts he has pulled the past few months, I have reasons to be wary. He is just lucky that all of his plans were always thwarted, not really by any slyness on my part. More or less, it was just luck.

"I think you know full well that I would," he says with a grin before lightly grasping my arm. "You can't hide forever."

Chris continued to speak, but I stopped listening. His words reminded me of the last time I had heard Adam's voice… well, besides the times that I actually watched Smackdown over the summer. He didn't heed my warnings of leaving my friends alone. For the first few weeks after my departure, he called Danielle every day, trying to get in touch with me. I was quite adamant about steering clear of everything from my former wrestling life, and that painfully meant Adam as well.

I shook thoughts of the past from my head and stepped by Chris, his arm falling from my side. I quickly ran through the backstage area and pushed open the fire escape door. The cool December New York breeze made my cheeks instantly redden. I tried to calm the wave of nausea that was running throughout my body. It had been so long and I don't think that I am really ready. I don't think I will _ever_ be ready.

I look around and have to fight back the memories. Chelsea Pier… hadn't been here in almost a year. Yet I could recall everything like it was only yesterday. It wasn't like there was anything _stand-out_ about that day. It just was one of the first times that I really considered myself as a part of the WWE family… and a bigger part of my best friend's life.

* * *

_December 29__th__, 2006  
8:38 AM_

"_You seriously look like a flying tomato."_

"_My outfit matches the Rudolph nose that you're sporting. Too bad Christmas is over 'cause Santa could have used you."_

_We both playfully glared at each other before breaking out into soft laughter. I had to admit that my nose was quite inflamed from the constant need to clear it out. But Jeff's scarlet outfit was definitely brighter. He grimaced slightly in pain as one of the crew workers pulled a little to snuggly on his wired braid._

_He had a photo shoot for the cover of an upcoming WWE magazine. Yesterday, after spending most of the day taking care of me, he had a house show at the Continental Airlines Arena. I was going to go with him and surprise Adam, but my flu was just not cooperating with me. He had offered to tell Adam something for me, but I declined. I had told Adam I was too sick for visitors. I didn't want him to get the wrong impression as Jeff had shown up on his own accord. He came back after the show and crashed at my place for the night. He had to wake up early for the photo shoot and didn't trust himself to get there on time. I didn't know if that was the truth or just an excuse to come back and spend some more time with me. Either way, I wasn't bothered. _

_When we woke up early this morning as he needed to be at Chelsea Pier in New York by six-thirty, I was feeling much better. And since he was my knight in shining armor once again, I figured that I owed him majorly. I drove him into the city and was going to take him to Newark-Liberty International Airport after to catch his noon flight to North Carolina. Believe it or not, he still had to work tonight's house show. But he was pretty stoked for it, as he was performing in front of his home state fans. _

"_I didn't know that flying took this much work," Jeff joked as a few more of the wires attached through his braids were pulled outward. It made his hair look splayed out as if he was in flight. He was already strapped into a harness and dangling a few feet from the ground. I could tell that he was a little irritated, but I would be too if I was in his position. The pictures were going to be amazing though, so in the end, it was worth it._

"_Just think that you get to go home after this," I said with a smile. _

_He laughed as the creative director Brant signaled that they were ready. I walked over to the refreshment table and poured myself a cup of coffee, trying to fight my sleepiness. I heard both Brant and the photographer talk to Jeff about what they wanted from him. I turned back around just as they were about to shoot. Jeff flashed me a weird grin and his signature gun before focusing back on the camera. I shook my head with a chuckle, walking back over to my seat to watch the shoot._

_This specific picture didn't take as long as the first one. That one was more of an action shot, with Jeff jumping up over a small brick wall onto a mat. Being an action shot, it took a lot more time to get the perfect frame. This one of the other hand was pretty easy, once Jeff got his swinging under control. It was as if he was stuck in the downward position of a Swanton Bomb, not able to flip over and finish executing the move._

_After a few frames were taken, Jeff was lowered to the ground and allowed to rest as Brant looked over the taken photos to see if they had the perfect cover shot. Jeff beckoned me over to him. I cautiously looked over at the crew to see if anyone would mind. No one seemed to really care so I got out of my seat and joined Jeff on the mat. As soon as I sat down, he stole the cup from my hand and proceeded to finish the rest of my coffee._

"_Hey, get your own," I said as I took the empty cup from his hands._

"_Easier said than done darlin'," he said, motioning to the harness restricting his form. I shoved him slightly before falling lightly on his form. "You're not the only one who is tired this morning."_

"_Sorry that I kept you up all night," I murmured, as my couching fits probably had the whole apartment complex up at all hours of the night. He chuckled and rolled slightly so I fell right next to his face._

"_No need to apologize," he said softly as he played with the faded purple streak in my bangs. _

_He wanted to re-dye it yesterday, but I had to decline. Brightly colored hair was his thing, not mine. And as much as I had gotten used to the streak, I was happy to be getting my normal hair color back. In consolation, I helped him dye his own hair in preparation for the shoot today. Everything needed to be perfect as it was his first WWE magazine shoot since his return to the company._

"_Time check!"_

_Both Jeff and I looked over at the congregation of workers. They all knew of Jeff's strict time crunch and the shoot needed to be completed by ten-thirty at the latest. I just prayed that traffic wouldn't be that bad and we would be able to make it. I saw Brant heading over and decided to make myself scarce. Time was very valuable right now. I pushed myself into a kneeling position, but before I got any further, Jeff tugged me back down. He placed a light kiss on my lips. I smiled slightly as I resumed my retreat of the photo area._

_Jeff and I were in a comfortable zone in our friendship, yet at times it seemed a little too comfortable. I know that Adam was ever so adamant about Jeff's true intentions, but I saw nothing wrong with a little affection. Even though I was with Adam, Jeff was still a big part of my life. I just hoped that things would stay somewhat civil between all three of us, especially now as Adam and I had been officially a couple for almost two months._

_After another set of frames were completed, Jeff was lowered back to the ground. I saw the film crew for the WWE shooting him as he lied on the ground and watched the photographer go over his recent pictures. I smiled as he shot the camera a weird grin. There definitely was nobody like Jeff Hardy._

_He was raised and lowered a few more times before all of the flying shots were completed. It was quarter to ten before he was all set to do his final shoot of the day. Same cloud background, same bright red attire, but at least he was on the ground this time. It was another action spot as he flashed the gunz while spinning around in a circle. After a few takes, I could tell that dizziness was taking its effect over him as his spins were not as concise as the first few. But he nailed the shot and by ten-thirty, he was back in his street clothes and we were out the door._

"_I didn't think we were going to make it," Jeff admitted as we both hustled to my car. _

"_Tell me about it," I murmured as I unlocked the doors and we both jumped inside. "I was sure that I was going to have to race to get you to the airport on time. Who knows… I might still have to."_

"_Let's hope not," Jeff said with a chuckle. "I've seen you drive. You're idea of speeding is going five miles per hour over the speed limit."_

"_Keep it up and I will just leave your ass here and you can find your own way there," I said mockingly as I put my key in the ignition and started the car._

"_Probably would get there quicker," he joked as I slowly pulled out of the parking spot._

"_You ever heard that slow and steady wins the race?" I asked sardonically, finally making my way out of the parking lot. I wasn't a slow driver, just an overly cautious one._

"_Never believed it for one second," Jeff said followed by chuckling. I just mocked his laughter while trying to concentrate on the always busy New York traffic. He turned up the music on the radio as Incubus' new single "Anna-Molly" came through the speakers._

"_You know if we get in an accident it is all your fault," I muttered loudly over the music, as he knew how much I was in love with everything Incubus. He started to drum on the dashboard and I shot him an annoyed glare after stopping at a red light. He feigned ignorance and continued bopping along with the music._

"_I don't know why I am even friends with you," I said sarcastically with a small smile._

"_Think of how boring your life used to be," he said in the same sarcastic manner I had just spoken in. "You wouldn't want to go back to that, would you? Admitting it is the first step in acceptance."_

_I laughed as I tried to concentrate on staying in my lane as I entered the tunnel. I loved spending one-on-one time with Jeff. He was different than anybody I had ever known and it seemed like we clicked instantly. Over the past two months, we have grown closer and closer and now I can honestly say that he is the best friend I have ever had. It is amazing that we have known each other for such a short time, but I already couldn't see not having him in my life. He was right: I didn't want to go back to the way things used to be before the Diva Search happened._

"_As long as you want me, I'll never leave," I said as I took my eyes off of the road for a second to glance over at my friend._

"_Well, I guess that means that we are stuck with each other for life… which means that I am going to have to teach you to drive 'cause this is just not working for me."_

* * *

"Nami, come back inside. You're not Canadian; you're susceptible to the cold."

Despite the tears that formed in my eyes, I had to laugh at both his statement and the joking manner it was said it. I hadn't heard _that excuse_ in awhile. It brought back more memories of better times. Ones that I really didn't want to think about at this moment. Chris spun me around so I was facing him once more. He wiped my tears away before they could really fall.

"I'll come out with you if it will make you feel better," he says with a small smile.

"Nothing will make me feel better," I say with a sigh. "I think that this was a huge mistake."

"I think prolonging this is even a bigger one," he says as he wraps his arm around my shoulder and walks me back inside. "You have nothing to hide anymore. There is no reason to run. I know that you're scared but that's normal. You sort of took on a really big endeavor and instead of waiting for everything to blow up in your face, you ran."

"Thanks for the update of my situation, but I already know all of that," I say as he leads me back over to my original position right outside of the stage.

I take a deep breath and peer into the crack of the black material. I look out into the audience and have to smile. People actually showed up for this thing. But I guess knowing that some of the top names in the WWE were going to be there would do it. And considering it was a live television event, probably another reason. I blame the damn writers' strike for that one, even though I am quite flattered that my book garnered that much attention. I doubt that this production would have happened if television wasn't scrounging for programming… and it has only been a little over a month into the strike.

I turn my attention to the stage and even though I can only see the backs of their heads, the smile quickly fades from my face. My former friends… I miss them more each day. But this… I don't think I am ready for.

"You can do it babe," Chris whispers in my ear as he nods to the sound technician a few yards away.

I cringe as I wait to hear my former Titantron music sound throughout the area, yet it never came. I look over at Chris with a look of surprise as he pushes past me and strides out onto the stage, while his music reverberates throughout the hall. He doesn't beckon me to follow so I keep my position right on the other side of the curtain. I have no clue what he is about to do and since this is Chris we are talking about, it could be _anything_.

Before he could even speak, after a microphone was thrust into his hand, a "Y2J" chant rang out among the crowd. Got to love those wrestling fans and their chants. I roll my eyes as he continues to bask in the attention he's getting from the crowd. He could be such a ham at times, not much unlike Adam. It is no wonder that those two get along so well, even though the only times I've witnessed that in person was while hiding underneath a table or behind a couch. Not that great of memories.

"Settle down, now… settle down," Chris says pleasantly, trying to silence the crowd or at least bring it down to a decibel where he could speak. Of course that just made the chanting louder. _Great job_, Chris… start a riot. "Now I know that all of you are probably wondering why the sexy beast himself decided to show up tonight. I mean, let's face it: I wasn't even around last year when this whole thing went down. But nevertheless, I do have a purpose for being here with all of my Jerichoholics tonight. And no, it is not just to remind Randy once more that his time as WWE Champion is over, come Sunday at Armageddon."

The crowd went wild once more and Chris has to stop speaking. I groan as I know that it is only a matter of moments before he introduces me. But honestly, I feel a lot better than I did earlier. At least I have some support. I walk away from the curtain and back to the small monitor a few feet away. As much as it pains me, I want to see my friends' reactions to the news. It will give me a good idea of what to expect when I actually go out there.

"No, it is more than just that," he says as he is finally able to continue. "You see, I just so happen to know a great deal on this subject as I am a published author myself. I know that many people may have been too enthralled by yours truly's face plastering the cover of '_A Lion's Tale'_ to even open it up, but maybe… maybe you were able to pull your attention off of me for a second to glance at the spine. It has the same devilishly handsome picture so no need to fear. Yet it also has something else. Three little words that might explain a great deal as to the reason I am here: Grand Central Publishing."

There isn't much of a reaction yet I know exactly where he is going with this. The camera cuts from Chris and pans across the panel of Superstars on the stage. No one has a fucking clue what he is rambling about. The screen goes to Adam and even he is the dark, and not just because of the sunglasses that are a permanent fixture on his eyes.

"Not that interesting huh?" Chris asks in a flat tone as he turns from the crowd to look at his fellow wrestlers. "But what about if I add another word to the code?"

The screen flashes to Randy who is beckoning Chris to just get on with it already. In normal Jericho fashion, everything has to be drawn out so when the punch line comes, it really makes an impact. I knew that everyone on the stage would know something big was up when he said the next word… especially if it was the "H" word that I think he is alluding to.

"And that word is… Hachette," he says, not taking his eyes away from the seated forms of his friends. The camera once again pans to the group, and finally it seems as if they have some idea of what Chris is saying. The crowd as well has responded to the "new clue" in Chris's code. I guess most of them had read my book, or at least heard of it.

"So it seems that I do actually belong on this stage as I am a part of the unwritten epilogue to the story," Chris continues with a huge grin on his face, alternating from addressing the crowd to the stage's occupants. "_Confessions of a WWE Diva_ may have ended at Backlash, but _Confessions of a Jerichoholic_ picked up right after."

Okay, so it's definitely Chris's on-screen personality doing the talking. He could be cocky in real life, but this was over the top. I'm not planning on writing any more wrestling exposés and if I was, it wouldn't be about the past few months.

The camera landed on Adam as he pulls the sunglasses finally away from his eyes. He's staring right at Chris with a somewhat confused but also indignant expression. I guess he figured that Chris and I have some sort of relationship and is not so happy that it was kept from him. I never thought about the repercussions on Chris's part. I just hope that Adam can look past it.

"Calm down junior or you will scare my surprise guest away," Chris says with a small grin, as the place explodes in applause.

Just like his "second coming" and code was easily broken, so was mine. Adam and Jeff both rise from their seats and start peering around the stage, especially near the curtain where Chris entered from. It's a good thing I moved. Adam comes on the screen and I can hear him faintly tell Chris that he better not be joking around.

"Me? Joke around?" Chris says sarcastically into the microphone as both Jeff and Adam reluctantly sit back into their seats with scowls upon their faces. It looks like they actually believe that it was all a joke. "I was going to save this next person for my inaugural second coming of the Highlight Reel, but… figured that considering there was a whole show dedicated to her, maybe now would be a better time."

Chris has now totally left me no choice. There is no backing down. I take a few deep breaths and try to control myself as I hear the crowd settle slightly down. I don't even want to think about what my friends are thinking at this moment… especially Adam and Jeff. Luckily, the camera is staying focused on Chris as he is waiting for his moment to continue.

"So, without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce a woman who is a proud member of the Chain Gang Army," Chris says as he gestures behind him to the first chair and the sitting John Cena. Time for one of Chris's infamous lists. At least, it isn't about his reasons for saving the WWE from Randy Orton… even though I have to admit it was hilarious.

"Who is… hmm... moving right along," he says as he skips over Randy's chair. I laugh and feel a few of the nervous butterflies leave my stomach. But it would take a lot more to totally quell the feeling of absolute dread. "Who is part of the 'Peepulation' while still being a Hardy Girl and Edgehead at heart."

I smile and quickly move away from the screen. I need to calm my nervousness if I have any chance of making it out on that stage in one piece. And continuing to watch their shocked faces was not helping. I walk back over to the curtain and wait for Chris to finish. As much as I said that I didn't need his help with this, I'm quite grateful for everything he has done. It has made me feel a lot better knowing that at least I have one person in my corner out on that stage.

"But more importantly, she is a tried and true Jerichoholic who is ready to make her own second coming right here tonight. Ladies and gentlemen… Nami Shepherd!"


	47. My Heart Still Has A Beat

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE or its Superstars. Lyrics belong to Jonathan Larson. WWE dialogue from 5/7/07 RAW broadcast. _

_Thank you to everyone who has read, added, and reviewed. I know that it has been awhile and I am sorry for that, but some things had come up in my life that I had to take care of. Writing is a big part of my life and I had a little bit of a crisis in one of my college courses where the integrity of my words was under fire. I am still going through a lot of emotional distress stemming from it, as this false claim is certainly going to affect my college career in a horrid way. That being said, I want to give a **HUGE thank you** to "Farra Sti", "Fozzy-Floozy", "Inday", "nicole", "Hatter-Zombie", "lozzak", "unlimited emerald0307", "purplefeather21", "68 stones from a broken heart", and "x-Mrs Pete Wentx-x" for your support and kind words for the last chapter. They were pretty much the only joy I found the past few weeks so I thank you immensely. _

_I have a lot of stuff written in a few of my notebooks for this story so hopefully updates will come a little more regularly. This chapter is two weeks after the Chapter 45 which was the Backlash chapter. The interlude will come back at the end, but I have to leave that scene there for now. So much to cover beforehand. This chapter also picks up where Chapter 44 (the Wrestlemania chapter) left off. From now on, there is going to be two layers of the story... the month before Backlash and then of course more importantly, Nami's time after the WWE. Peace and Love!!_

* * *

Monday May 7th, 2007  
9:38 PM - New York City

I continued stirring the cake batter even as I heard my apartment door swing open. This was what I got for letting Danielle get my new apartment for me. She of course kept a set of keys for herself and would stop by anytime she felt like pestering me. And yes, I know it sounds a little unfair to call my friend a pest, but all she had spoken of the past few weeks was things I was trying to forget. It had been two full weeks and the emptiness had not left me. But there was nothing I could do about it. I made my choice and I was going to have to live with it whether I liked it or not.

"What are you doing?"

I didn't take my eyes off of the bowl as I heard her step into the small little kitchen area. If I thought my apartment in New Jersey was tiny, I was only kidding myself. And I was actually paying more for this little hole in the wall. That was what I got for deciding to live in Manhattan. I figured I needed a change of scenery, but it was beginning to be something else I was regretting. Too much hustle and bustle even way up here on West 72nd Street.

"What?" I queried after a few moments of just staying silent. "When I'm depressed, I bake… Now, leave me alone."

"I've known you for years and I know for a fact that baking isn't on your favorites' list," Danielle said as she hopped up on the small counter space right next to my baking ingredients.

She picked off a small piece of bakers' chocolate and popped it into her mouth, earning a grimace from me. She gave me a look as she went for another piece of the extremely bitter chocolate and I could only shrug. She always had a sweet tooth, but I found this a little extreme. At least it was better than Jeff taking a swig of vanilla extract when… I _really_ needed to stop thinking about my old friends. Easier said than done.

"Well, normally when I'm depressed, I sulk," I said as I poured the batter into two small pans. This was the tenth cake I had baked in the past two weeks; not to mention the countless number of cookies, muffins, and brownies. Only pastry that was left off of the menu: pies. Too many memories that I wasn't ready to think about yet. "Too bad I can't even do that right anymore."

"Thinking about Adam?" she asked, after a few moments of silence had passed. I groaned slightly as I pushed the two pans into the oven.

"What did I say about bringing him up?" I said as I turned to give her a frustrated look.

"Not to do it," she replied with a sigh. "So how about Jeff?"

"Dani, I'm not in the mood," I said as I quickly exited the small alcove called my kitchen and back into my living room/bedroom area.

I sat down on the couch and quickly flipped on the television, hoping that it would halt anymore discussion. I wasn't in the mood to talk about all of my feelings yet. I was just kidding myself if I thought that I would get over leaving everything I had come to love so quickly. I still really didn't like the business, but I couldn't say the same for the people I had met. I had fallen in love and found my soul mate… _in two totally different people_. And I had to leave them behind. I knew that they deserved so much more than what they got as an explanation, but I honestly didn't know what to say. I still don't, because I really don't know what to make of all of it.

"You know he called again today," Danielle said as she made her way into the room and sat next to me on my couch. "You can't avoid him forever."

I knew that, but I sure could try. I knew that Adam was probably hurting, but so was I. It wasn't easy doing what I had to do yet still… Adam deserved to know the whole truth. He gave me his heart and I probably just broke it in half. At least I knew that I wasn't alone.

"I told him not to bug you," I said softly as I continued to flip through the channels.

Adam had called Danielle almost religiously since I left. He still had her phone number stored in his phone from the time he needed it for the Devils game. Luckily all of the other numbers seemed to be deleted or forgotten. I still hadn't totally come out about it to my family members yet. I didn't know exactly what to say to them either. I was too confused about everything.

I told her to just delete Adam's messages as soon as he left them. I knew that it sounded cold and uncaring but I couldn't bear to hear his voice. That was also one of the main reasons that I refused to watch wrestling anymore. It wasn't like I even really liked it in the first place. I was sort of missing it though… if that makes any sense at all.

"Did you honestly think he would listen?" she asked as she pulled the remote from my grasp.

"No," I answered truthfully.

"You want to listen to his message?" she asked hastily, hoping that she found me during a moment a weakness. Too bad that all she had done was make me more resilient to my cause.

"No!" I exclaimed as I turned from the screen to look directly at her before getting up off of the couch and heading back into the kitchen. "For the last time, I didn't ask him to call! I don't want him to call! It's bad enough that I constantly hear his voice in my head to begin with."

"_And unlike Edge, I'm not going to cry and complain. I'm going to go out there and prove to everybody…"_

"TURN IT OFF!" I yelled as I opened up the oven to check on the cakes.

"It's just Rand…"

"I said, turn… it… off," I interrupted as I came to lean against the entranceway of the kitchen and living quarters. "Haven't I explained countless times that…"

"You don't want to watch Raw, I know, I know," she responded, but I could still hear Randy's voice emanating from the television.

It could have been worse. If either Adam or Jeff were on, the television would have probably hit the pavement outside. _More time_… I just had to keep telling myself that in time, everything would be right. But without any true closure, I wasn't so sure.

* * *

"Nami! Get your ass out of bed!"

I squinted my eyes open and groaned, regretting ever having picked up the call. I looked over at the alarm clock and saw that it was a little after seven. This was not how I wanted to spend the morning of my twenty-fourth birthday. I planned on sleeping till who knows when only to crawl out of bed for a big bowl of ice cream… or maybe a slice of one of the cakes that I had baked over the past few days.

"Remember what I told you last night?" Danielle continued ranting on the other end of the line.

I blearily tried to remember, but my mind was still in a sleepy haze. All I really remembered about last night was her convincing me to watch a little bit of the Raw broadcast. I made it through an Umaga/Highlanders match. But as soon as it came back from a commercial break, Adam came on the screen and the television was quickly flipped off. But the damage was done… it's not like I didn't see him enough in my head.

"You are coming into work with me in an hour."

Oh right… that's what it was.

"Remind me why again?" I asked indignantly as I lightly rolled over onto my side, keeping the phone on speaker and near my mouth. "Mr. Williams is an asshole and I want nothing to do with him or his stupid publishing company."

"I know you're still half asleep so I'll let your ignorance slide," Danielle said with a slight laugh as I tried the best to wipe the sleep from my eyes. "One stupid prick should not stop you from your goal. And Hachette is not _his_ publishing company. It's as much ours as it is his."

"You do realize that I pretty much told him to fuck off the last time I saw him?" I said with a sigh. I hadn't seen my former boss since the day I handed him my resignation… and things didn't end all that well.

"_Just answer me this: how do you plan on being honest with your 'friends' if you plan on continuing your story... Talk to me Shepherd."_

Yeah, I sure had an answer for him… not one that he probably wanted or was expecting to hear.

"_Everything I have to say to you I could say with one finger."_

And now Danielle wanted me to go back and see him? Uh-huh… sure.

"Yeah, and he deserved it," she said resolutely. I could tell that she wasn't going to drop the subject and knew that she knew more than she was divulging to me. "But now it's your time to shine. So get up and get dressed and I will meet you outside your place, coffee in hand."

"I think I'll just go…"

"You are not going back to sleep!" she screeched as she read my mind. "Get up! I know it's your birthday and all but it's time for you to make your sacrifice worth it."

I sighed once more and I knew that she had me there. I needed to try and move on with my life. This could be the stepping stone that was needed to transition from my prior few months living the life of the pro-wrestler to now… the humdrum life of a publishing company worker. And I had to think of the people I had left behind. This story was for them. I needed to at least try and see it through.

"Alright," I said in concession. "I'll see you in a few."

"That a girl! Now…"

Before she could give me any more of her peppy words of wisdom, I flipped my cell phone shut and rolled back over on my bed. I shut my eyes with a slight smile on my face.

"Yeah, yeah. Shut up Dani," I muttered to myself, even though I knew that she was right. I _needed _to do this.

After a few more minutes of wallowing in self-doubt and just plain old uncertainty, I got out of bed and got ready for the day ahead. I hadn't dreamed of going back to Hachette this soon… especially on my birthday. I already had enough planned for the day as is. Well, not really, but more than I had done my previous days home. I was going out for a birthday dinner with my father later. He and I weren't exactly seeing eye-to-eye on the whole WWE departure issue. He knew that it would eventually come, but just like everyone else (which pretty much just consisted of Danielle and Steven) they couldn't see my side of things and thought I was being pretty heartless. Nobody understood and I didn't think they ever would.

I made it out of my apartment after only the fiftieth buzz from Danielle on the street below. She should've known that punctuality was never my strong suit… nothing was really my strong suit. I always found a way to screw things up. She handed me a much needed cup of lukewarm coffee and quickly started launching into statements about how great I look and how everything will work out. The whole way to the office that I once called my home, I didn't say one word… just silently listened. Maybe there was a head nod here and there, but nothing more. When we actually got to Hachette, it was a totally different story.

"I still can't believe I let you talk me into this," I said as soon as we got out of the elevator and onto the correct floor of the large office building. Danielle just slightly scoffed at my lackluster tone and took the empty cardboard cup from my fingers.

"I'm not asking you to beg or anything," she said in slight annoyance. She chucked our two empty cups in the nearest wastebasket as we continued our way down the hallway. "But I am asking you to…"

"Nami! This is certainly a surprise!"

Both of us stopped walking and inwardly groaned. Every office has one. A member of the team that is a little… well, I guess you could say quirky. Melanie Murray was Hachette's. I didn't know her all that well as we worked in two different facets of the company. I knew that she was pretty nice and easy to get along with. But there was just something about her that was a little… well, I guess you would say _off_. No one could really put their finger on it, but it was there.

"Melanie, long time no see," I said as we both turned around to greet the petite manuscript editor. She smiled and quickly pulled me into an embrace with a kiss on either cheek. I just chuckled nervously and pulled away with a small smile.

"What have you been up to?" Melanie asked with a big toothy smile. "I see you are no longer with the company."

"She just took a sabbatical," Danielle answered before I could respond. I shot her a small glare as I really wasn't an employee with the company anymore. I really didn't need the office rumor mill to start circulating stories already. "She's going to be back soon."

"Oh, well then let me be the first to welcome you again," Melanie responded with a small pat on my shoulder. I nodded my head with another small chuckle and was about to respond when we were interrupted.

"Mel... Mr. Irvine is on the phone."

All three of us turned to see one of the floor secretaries waving the phone receiver in her hand. Melanie was one of Hachette's top editors, but I always couldn't help but feel bad for the people she worked with. She was great at her job, probably one of the best. Yet she was very impatient... liked to have things done once and only once. Too bad writing wasn't always that way.

"Ugh, wonder what it is this time," Melanie grumbled more to herself than us.

"Bad client?" Danielle asked which earned a slight chuckle from our companion.

"Not bad, just… overly perfectionist," Melanie said and I slightly grimaced at her grammar. She was an editor after all. "I'm going to be so happy when his book is frozen and set to print. Only two weeks away."

"Good luck with that," I said with a small smile as she headed back down the hallway towards her cubical. She waved to both of us over her shoulder before accepting the receiver from the secretary and hitting a button on the phone.

"As you can see, nothing has really changed," Danielle said as we watched her start her conversation with the man on the other line.

"I feel sorry for her client," I mumbled as we both turned around and continued on our way down the hallway.

"You and me both," she responded as she slung her arm over my shoulder. "Come on, we have a meeting to get you to. And then I have to spilt cause…"

"Meeting?" I asked incredulously. Never had she told me anything about a planned meeting. "You mean he knows I'm coming?"

"Yes, he knows," she said trying her best to calm me down. "I didn't want to surprise him with your visit. You know how much he hates surprises."

"Uh-huh," I murmured as I tried to keep my nerves in check.

I didn't know what Danielle was thinking. She didn't even seem to have my journal with her. She begged me to let her read it and I had to relent. It took a few days for me to be able to part with it, but I figured that if I wanted to have it published, it would become public knowledge eventually. Why not start with my best friend? She didn't really let me know what she thought of it. I was sure that she had gotten around to reading it though. I found the lack of real analysis pretty odd.

"Don't worry so much," she said as we stopped in front of Mr. Williams' office. "Like you've been telling me all week, you don't work here anymore. It's not like he can fire you again."

"Hey, he never fired me. I left," I attested as I turned from the closed door to look at my friend at my side.

"Okay, okay… someone's a little touchy," she said as she lightly rapped on the door. I took a deep breath as the door swung open to reveal a pretty pleased looking Edgar Williams.

"Come in, Ms. Shepherd," he said as he held the door open for me. I shot one last glance at my friend before entering the office. "Wonderful for you to stop by."

"It is?" I asked questioningly as I continued to look at him as he gently shut the door. Maybe he had forgotten my last visit… probably not, but it was what I wanted to believe.

"I have heard wonderful things about you."

That was spoken by a voice that I did not recognize. I quickly spun around and my mouth gaped open slightly in surprise.

"Oh pardon me, where are my manners Carol Ross… Nami Shepherd," Mr. Williams said as he gestured between the two of us.

She held out her hand and I hastily took it in my own. Carol Ross was one of the Senior Vice Presidents at the company. I was stunned silent by her presence. I had seen her picture before but never dreamed of meeting her in person.

"Oh my, nice to meet you," I said, once I could actually formulate a coherent thought. She smiled as our handshake ended and she picked a book up off of Mr. Williams' desk.

"I was just perusing your manifesto here," she said as she fiddled with the lock on the familiar black leather book.

"My journal… but how?" I asked as I turned from her to look at Mr. Williams. How did he get it… ah of course… Danielle!

"Edgar thinks that it is a certified bestseller and from what I see, I have to agree."

Mrs. Ross's words threw me and I turned back to her with a questioning glance.

"Huh?" I asked, still in shock. This was not how I planned this day to start.

"This is very good work, Ms. Shepherd," she said as she handed the journal to me.

I looked down at the picture of Adam, Jeff, and myself from Italy and quickly flipped the book shut. I really didn't need to see our smiling faces at that moment. Not when I felt like I was prostituting our times together for a little success. But it wasn't about that anymore. It was about so much more.

"It is… almost a tri-genre piece," Mr. Williams said. He… actually was praising my work? Something that he pretty much condemned not a few months ago. I felt like shoving it in his face, but I was too stunned to say much.

"Huh?"

That seemed to be my standard reply and the only words that could really leave my throat.

"I know it is a lot to take in, but I don't think you understand what you have done here," Mrs. Ross said as she took the journal from my grasp to flip through the pages. "It is a cross between a travelogue, a romance, with a dash of journalistic qualities… and of course the appeal to any pro-wrestling fan or critic. It is truly… well, let's just say on first glance I thought it was pure fiction."

"But it isn't finished, Shepherd," Mr. Williams said with a hint of pride in his tone. "Write a conclusion and submit it back to us. We should have all the contract negotiations drawn up by then."

"But… huh? Why? How?"

At least my vocabulary had expanded to include some more three letter words.

"Three excellent questions which will be answered at our next meeting," Mrs. Ross said as she locked the journal and handed it back to me once more. "Do you think you could be done by the twenty-first?"

"Uh… of course," I mumbled before I really thought about what I was saying.

"Splendid," Mrs. Ross said as she shook my hand once more before heading toward the door. "I will have my secretary call with the details, but most likely I will just meet you at nine. Great job Ms. Shepherd."

"Thank you ma'am," I said with a small smile as I looked from her retreating form to the journal in my hands.

"Well… you better get started on your writing," Mr. Williams said as he went back behind his desk and took a seat in his chair.

"Yeah, I guess I should," I said with a slight nod. I waited a few moments to see if he had anything else to say. I decided that I couldn't wait forever and turned to leave his office.

"Wait," Mr. Williams said, as soon as I turned the doorknob. I turned around to look at my former boss. "Stop by after your meeting with Carol. You'll have another contract to sign… if you want it."

"Thank you sir," I replied with a slight nod.

I guess that things were heading back to the way they once were. Only thing was I wasn't the same woman who worked here a few months ago. I was a different Nami Shepherd and I didn't know if I could honestly return to the same occupation that I performed before.

"And Ms. Shepherd… Nami… I'm sorry."

* * *

_April 2, 2007  
1:24 AM – Post Wrestlemania/Randy's Birthday Bash_

"_Have I told you lately how much I love you?"_

"_Let me think about it… No, I don't think you have."_

_I laughed slightly at Adam's grin and comment before he finally was able to capture my lips in a kiss. We were both overtired with all of the week's events leading up to Wrestlemania. But now that it was finally over, we were too exhausted and full of adrenaline to sleep. Besides, it was Randy's party after all, even though neither of us had seen the birthday boy in quite some time._

"_You are such an ass," I said as I pulled back, referring to his earlier sarcastic comment._

"_You love my ass," he replied back with another cheeky grin. I stopped running my fingers through his blond locks and let my arms drop to my sides._

"_What is wrong with you?" I asked jokingly with a chuckle._

"_Is it wrong to be happy?" Adam asked as he grasped my right hand in his and spun me around so his chin found the crook between my neck and shoulder. "Happy that everything seems to be going right for once?"_

_I had to admit: things did seem to be pretty perfect right now. Of course, I knew that they couldn't last. But I didn't want to shatter his dreams and happiness just yet. I couldn't._

"_I guess not," I replied, a little more sober than I would have liked it to sound. But luckily, he didn't seem to notice._

"_And things will only continue to get better," he said as he lightly ran his slightly hairy chin across my exposed skin, lips nipping at some of the skin on my neck once he had finished speaking._

"_Oh yeah?" I asked with a raised eyebrow, as he continued his pleasing actions. "How can you be so sure?"_

"_Well… I have you. That's all that matters," he said in such a monotonous yet sentimental tone that I had to roll my eyes in response. _

_He makes everything seem so easy… like it is all just black and white. There is always a gray area. Nothing can ever be simple, especially in this business._

"_Don't roll your eyes at me," he replied with a slight shove from behind before quickly pulling me back toward him again. "I mean it."_

"_You had me before remember?" I posed which earned a slight groan from the man behind me._

_I got out of his loose grasp and turned to look at him in the eyes. He was the one who started with all the schmaltzy speech and googly eyes. I just wanted him to see that maybe everything would never be alright. Maybe, some things were just not meant to be._

"_Let's just say that they weren't the best of times," I recalled which earned a slight bewildered look from the Canadian. "I mean, when we were together: amazing. All the shitty jealousy coupled with noncommittal attitudes: not so much."_

"_I hear you," he said with a sigh as he took my hands in his once more, leaning down to look me right in my eyes. "But I also know now that I love you… more than I thought I'd be willing to love someone ever again. And…"_

"_You know, this really isn't the best place to get all mushy on me," I said as I felt a new wetness form in the corners of my eyes. He laughed slightly and placed a chaste kiss on my lips before kissing the unfallen tears away from my eyes._

"_Then maybe beautiful, we should spilt," he said, eyes staring right into my very soul. "You and me go have a private party of our own back at the hotel."_

"_Aren't you the least bit tired?" I asked with a smile at the suggestive nature of his query. "And don't forget, you still have to wake up in the morning and drive to Dayton tomorrow."_

_He did after all volunteer to drive myself, John, and Randy to the Raw broadcast in Ohio. Adam knew that seeing as it was Randy's birthday celebration, there would be no way he would be in the right state of mind to drive five or six hours the next morning. Same thing went for John. And me… well, I hate driving and it was well known fact._

"_Some things are more important," he said as he pulled back so he was towering above me once again._

"_What's more important than sl… oh," I said as the meaning of his statement finally had the time to be processed in my mind. My face flushed and I turned away from him in slight embarrassment for my own naïveté._

"_You're so cute when you blush," he whispered in my ear._

"_Shut up," I mumbled before leaning back into his massive form. He wrapped his arms around my waist and placed a light kiss on my hair. If I could close my eyes forever and stay in this moment, I would._

"_I'm going to go find Orton," Adam said as he let go of the hold he had on my form. "Say our goodbyes."_

"_Okay," I mumbled. _

_He gave me another quick kiss before disappearing into the abyss of partygoers, trying to find a probably very inebriated Randy. I looked around and saw a few familiar faces but decided that all I really wanted to do was leave with Adam. No need striking up any conversation. I turned around and found an unoccupied loveseat near the exit of the main room and decided I would wait for Adam there. My feet were killing me. I usually never wore heels, but when your boyfriend is six-five, you have to try and make up the difference some way._

_I sat down and let my form sink into the somewhat cool leather. I closed my eyes and relaxed my form, thinking that I still had a few waking hours left before sleep would come… not that I was really complaining there. I felt the cushion next to me sink down, but just figured that Adam had come back and was giving me a moment to collect myself._

"_Someone looks tired."_

_I chuckled and opened my eyes to look at the still slightly sober champ._

"_Exhausted," I murmured. "I can't imagine how you must feel."_

"_Hanging in there," John replied with a small grin. I didn't know how he could be still conscious after his thirty minute bout with Shawn earlier, but then again nothing really surprised me much anymore. "You cutting out soon?"_

"_Yeah, Adam just went to find the birthday boy," I said with a chuckle._

"_So I take it that things are going well between you two?" John asked._

_I nodded quickly in response and turned slightly so I could look right in his eyes. He was only slightly tipsy so I felt that I could actually talk with him and have him remember at least some of it in the morning._

"_As good as it will ever be," I said honestly after a few moments of silence, listening to the pulsating beat of the music that was still surrounding us._

"_Huh?" John asked with a quizzical look on his face._

"_Never mind," I said, when I realized that even if I wanted to talk with him, he wouldn't understand. And I still had a month of this charade. I needed to keep it up._

"_I'm gonna figure you out one day," John mused with a big grin. "Just you wait."_

_Yeah, one day… but it wouldn't be as soon as he thought._

"_I'll be waiting."_

* * *

May 8, 2007  
6:57 PM

"You've hardly eaten."

I looked up from my plate and smiled sadly at my father. So much for a happy birthday. I was trying my best, but throughout our whole dinner, I felt the tension between the two of us. And all because of Adam… maybe I should have never introduced them in the first place. My other family members were a little less condescending, but then again they didn't know the full truth.

"Oh… sorry," I muttered as I put some of the mashed potatoes I had been swirling around on my fork and brought it to my mouth. Yet I really wasn't hungry. I was too emotionally drained to do anything. After everything that happened this morning at the office, actually having my book being considered if not guaranteed to be printed, and then Danielle…

She and Steven were taking the day off of work. She just came in to make sure that I went. They were both driving the six hours to Pittsburg to see the ECW/Smackdown taping tonight. Steven said that he would relinquish his ticket if I wanted to attend, but there was no way in the hell that they would get me in that car. It wasn't like I had many friends on the Smackdown brand besides Matt and Shannon, but I was still trying to steer clear of anything WWE. Too much heartache.

"I hate seeing you like this," my father said as he watched me continue to draw designs in my potatoes instead of eat them. "It's your birthday. You should be at least a little joyful today."

"I just… just have a lot of stuff on my mind," I mumbled as I picked up my wine glass and took a small sip.

"You need to get over this," he said. "This is no way to live, beating yourself up constantly."

"I know, dad," I muttered as I threw my napkin down on my half-eaten plate in annoyance.

"Yes, you do," he said in a slightly sardonic tone. "Just like _I_ knew that this was going to happen. I could see that you were getting too close to him. I should've…"

"You know nothing about what I am feeling," I said in a bitter tone. I didn't need to hear these things from my own father. He was supposed to be my support system. "This isn't just about Adam. This is about… how everything I wanted is about to come true. But I'm not so sure if I want it anymore."

"What are you talking about?" he asked as the waiter came and took our plates. My father signaled for the check as he knew that I was in no mood for any dessert tonight. I barely ate any of my dinner to begin with.

"My book… it's probably going to be published after all," I said pretty jadedly.

"That's wonderful. I'm so proud of…"

"Too bad I'm not proud of myself," I said, cutting off my father's congratulating statement. "I thought that this would be the best feeling in the world. Finally, I would be getting recognition for something other than knowing how to make a good cup of coffee and having photocopies done on time. Yet now, none of it matters. The feeling of accomplishment isn't outweighing the guilt and shame."

"Well, maybe you should confide in your friends," my father offered as he paid the bill and we rose from the table. I just shook my head.

"Danielle already kno…"

"You know who I am really speaking of," he responded as we stepped outside into the slightly chilly spring air. I knew all too well who he was speaking of.

"You don't know how impossible that is, especially now," I murmured as we walked down the slightly busy 68th Street heading back to my apartment.

"They care about you," he said, in more of an imploring tone than I had ever heard from him. "I've seen you and Adam together and I know his feelings are genuine. I also know… that he deserves a lot more than this."

Okay, _now_ I was angry.

"Don't you think I…"

"No, _you don't think_," my father raged. I couldn't understand why he was so upset. "I know that this is hard for you, but at least you know the whole truth. He… just had the woman he loves run out on him without any warning or known cause."

"It's more than that," I mumbled, trying to keep my anger and feelings of annoyance in check.

"You keep saying that and I think it is so you can convince yourself that it is the truth," he continued. I just shook my head. "You know that deep down what you did was a mistake."

"What part?" I asked venomously. I couldn't believe that my own father was questioning my motives and actions. "Falling in love in the first place or following my gut feeling and leaving?"

"You tell me," he said softly. I sighed and turned away from him to concentrate on my own thoughts and my walking.

"It was the only option," I murmured after a few moments of the sounds of Manhattan being the only noise between us.

"You know that's not true," he said as we turned onto 72nd Street and got closer to my apartment building and hopefully my sanctuary from this discussion. I was growing more and more annoyed by the second.

"Okay, so why don't you just put me in the car and drive me to Pittsburgh! I'll attempt to find out where Adam is and tell him everything. Then he can yell and scream at me for lying to him, tell Vince about the book, and you can come visit your daughter everyday in the state prison," I ranted before turning to look at my father, with bitterness in my eyes and a sarcastic laugh. "Great, when do we leave?"

"Quite an imagination you've got there," my father said with a laugh, totally disregarding my scornful nature and tone. "Definitely from your mother."

We walked the rest of the way to my place in silence. When I got to the outer door leading to the small apartment complex, I turned to look at him. I didn't want to be mad at my father. I was just upset that it seemed that no one was on my side. If they only knew how much it took for me to actually leave. If only…

"I can't do it, dad," I mumbled as I fiddled with the keys in my hand. "I know you don't understand, but I can't."

"Well, maybe this will change your mind," he said, as he reached in his jacket pocket and pulled out a folded white envelope. He handed it to me and I quickly looked down at the return address: Adam Copeland.

"Huh… when did this?" I asked, not making much sense. The letter was sent to my father's address, but was addressed to me.

"Last week… I wanted to give it to you right away, but I doubted you would have even read it," he said with a small smile. So this was why he was defending Adam so much the past few days? He knew more than he was letting on. "I hope now… maybe you'll reconsider."

* * *

_April 2, 2007  
1:59 AM_

"_Might want to slow down there, birthday boy."_

_Randy spun around and flashed me a lazy, drunk smirk. He placed the shot glass back on the bar and I went over to sit on the bar stool next to him. It had been a few minutes since Adam went in search of the guest of honor. And after a few moments of speaking John, I figured that I would join in the search as well. I was becoming more exhausted by the minute, and John's questioning nature didn't help much._

"_Copeland let you off your leash long enough to come and say hello," Randy said with a slight slur to his words._

"_I'm not a dog, Randy," I said with a slight shake of my head as I let my finger run across the side of the leftover birthday cake to collect some icing. I licked my finger clean and turned to Randy, not knowing that my little show was having an effect on him._

"_No, you certainly are not," he said as he let his eyes roam over my sitting form and land a little bit lower than any happily engaged man should. But then again, this was a drunk Randy Orton we were talking about._

"_Eyes up Randal," I said with a laugh as I slid off the stool and looked around to see if I saw Adam anywhere._

"_Randal huh?" Randy posed and I looked over my shoulder to see him still slightly leering at my form. I had no clue where Sam was, but I certainly didn't want to start anything between the two of them. But I knew that this was just how Randy got when he had alcohol in his system. No inhibitions whatsoever… and for a guy that rarely has many to begin with, it was a little unnerving. "You should be nice to me. It is my birth…"_

"_Was," I corrected as I turned back to face the crowd in search of Adam. I had found the Legend Killer… time for us to go back to the hotel._

"_Still my party," Randy mumbled from behind me._

"_Very perceptive Randy," I said with a laugh, still scanning the crowd for Adam. "I guess you have some working brain cells left."_

"_Quite a comedian tonight, huh Nam?" Randy asked with a chuckle. I laughed myself and was about to walk away to go in search of my boyfriend as it didn't look like Randy was going anywhere soon. My wrist was slightly grasped from behind._

"_Hey Nam, have some cake," Randy mumbled. Before I had a chance to process what he meant, I spun around and Randy smeared icing across my face._

"_You!" I vented as I brought my hand up to wipe some of the vanilla butter cream off of my face._

"_Me!" he replied with a laugh. _

_Before I could make a move or say anything more, I felt my hand being raised. I looked up and watched as Adam licked the icing from my fingers. He brought his lips down to mine and kissed me deeply. He pulled back and had icing now on his own face and a little in his hair. He turned from me to look at Randy with a grin on his face._

"_Tasty."_

* * *

May 8, 2007  
11:05 PM

My father left almost as soon as we had returned back to the apartment. I had spent the rest of the night just staring at the envelope. I knew that for my own sanity I needed to read his letter, but I just couldn't bring myself to break the seal. No one understood my point of view. I know that I was coming off as being totally selfish (and hell yeah, that was part of it), but there was so much more.

The WWE was a family… slightly dysfunctional and broken apart at times, but a family nonetheless. For a few short months, I was an active part of that family. But now… now I was a very distant cousin that no one likes to talk about. Yet the fact still remained: I was a part of the family. If I told them all that I should've, it would hurt the heart of the unit. All of the other parts would be affected as well. They would see it as if they were being attacked from the inside. They have been attacked enough over the course of the past few years. I have seen some of it up close and personal. I know how it affected everyone in the system.

I couldn't deal with that. I needed to wait. If the book was going to become published, I would have to keep waiting. I wanted them to all see it for themselves, not be told about it. I wanted some objectivity. Yet if the book was rejected, I would have to come clean. If not, I would be hiding forever as there would be no end to this chapter of my life.

I reached for the envelope and stared down at his penmanship. I missed them all so much.

"_Take me for who I am!  
Who I was meant to be!  
And…"_

I reached for my cell phone and stared down at Danielle's picture. Why would she be calling? I didn't really trust her all that much and knowing that she was going to a WWE show… I was thinking about just ignoring the call. But then I thought that maybe it could take my mind off of the letter.

"I don't want to hear about the show if that…"

"Adam is the champ!"

The phone almost fell from my grasp. Huh? It seemed like I wasn't done being confused today.

"Huh? I thought tonight was a Smackdown show?" I asked.

"He beat the Undertaker!" was the screeched reply from the other line. I could tell that she was still at the show, maybe waiting for the Superstars to come out. I couldn't tell, but nothing would surprise me now. "Last night, after you turned Raw off, Adam beat Mr. Kennedy for his Money in the Bank title shot. So tonight, he cashed it in… not really in the fairest way, but he still won. Can you believe it?"

"I… I have to go."

I quickly flipped my phone shut and rose from my bed. I picked up the envelope and tried to get up the nerve to open it. But I couldn't do it. I sat back down and flipped my cell phone back open. I scanned down the list of numbers in my phone and came across Adam's. Even though I got a new number, I had Verizon transfer all of my old contacts and photos into my new phone. I hit the contact listing and had to smile at the picture of the two of us that it uncovered. We looked so happy and so in love.

My finger hovered over the call button for a few moments. Would he even pick up? It would be an unknown number. What would I say? I was about to flip the phone shut once more, but one more glance at the picture and my finger pressed down on the plastic button. I shut my eyes and brought the phone up to my ear. It was ringing and I felt as if my heart was beating a mile a minute.

"Hello?"

The phone almost slipped from my grasp just at the sound of his voice. It was Adam. I had actually called him and now… I had no idea of what to do. I could just hang up, but I felt like I needed to talk or at least hear his voice a little more.

"Hello? Someone there… I think you probably have the wrong…"

"Adam, wait."

Those two words came tumbling out of my mouth before I could stop them. I had definitely done it now. There was silence on the other end and I prayed that he had no idea who I was or didn't hear me.

"Nami?"


	48. This Is A Quiet Emergency

A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. Dialogue from this chapter comes from the 4/2/07 and 6/1/07 Raw and Smackdown broadcasts. Thanks to everyone who has read, added, and reviewed. Farra Sti, Inday, x.Hardy.at.Heart.x, rb, purplefeather21, nicole, WWEAngel, xxHungryeyesxx, 68 stones from a broken heart, Hatter-Zombie.ate.your.brains, SkyyRyder, and KaraAlissa - you all totally rock my world and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your reviews.

So finally, the semester from Hell is over and I can concentrate on things that are actually pleasing like writing this story. I promise much more frequent updates, especially as seeing my Jeff Hardy muse is now back in action (since he returned to action in all his glory on Monday night). It is so much easier to write when he and Edge are actually on the screen and since his suspension and Edge has been rarely in the ring fighting, it was hard to get motivated. But now, things are looking up. No real notes for this chapter as it is pretty self-substantiated and is my longest one yet (five digit word count). Thanks again to everyone who has stuck with me. Peace and Love!!

* * *

_April 2, 2007  
7:45 PM – Raw Taping in Dayton, OH_

"_I'm standing here with Matt and Jeff Hardy and they are the new World Tag Team Champions."_

_Well, they hadn't exactly won the belts yet. Maria was interviewing both Matt and Jeff about their "win" after the two tier Tag Team Battle Royale Matches that were going to be taking place at the top of the show. John and Shawn were finally going to be losing their tag belts, as the two were better as rivals than teammates. So who better to give the belts to than a tried and true fan-favorite tag team? Both Jeff and Matt were ecstatic that they would be able to work with each other again on a regular basis, and I was happy that Matt would be traveling with the Raw brand more. It would give me more time to spend with Adam without feeling like I was avoiding or neglecting Jeff. Most of his friends were over on Smackdown, but now it looked like things were changing for the better._

"_You know, it's absolutely awesome to now be known as six-time tag team champions," Jeff told Maria as they filmed the interview segment that would play shortly after their win tonight. "Not a lot of teams can say that. That's something to be proud of."_

"_The last couple years man, we've had a lot of ups… we've had a lot of downs," Matt said, addressing both Maria and his brother. "The last couple days man, we've been beat up and nothing could be more perfect than this moment because I'm standing here with my brother after winning the World Tag Team Championships."_

"_Right on," Jeff said in agreement, as he tightened his hold on my waist and pulled me further into the camera's view. He lightly placed a kiss on my check before turning back to his brother with his title in hand. "Cheers, man."_

_The two brothers clinked their belts together in a congratulatory gesture. They both replaced the belts on their shoulders as the manager of the set stopped shooting. Jeff's arm slid from my waist as Maria quickly made herself scarce. She had been going through a little bit of her own personal problems with Phil. First me, then Melina, and now Maria. It seemed that no one could get anything right when it came to love. I guess that was just the effect of the business. But at least things were looking up for me in that department._

"_You all set for the match tonight?" I asked as both of the brothers relinquished the belts back to the set manager. They would get them soon enough._

"_It's a pretty lax night," Jeff said with a sigh but very content tone. The Battle Royale was going to be their only action for tonight and working as a tag team would definitely take some stress off of Jeff's already bruised body. It was less than twenty-four hours ago when he drilled Adam's body through a ladder, ending both of their chances at winning the Money in the Bank._

"_Yeah, one that you both deserve," I said with a laugh. _

_Jeff shot me a smile before his gaze focused on something over my shoulder. I looked behind me and broke out into a huge grin at my boyfriend's approaching form. Both of the Hardys quickly said their goodbyes and took their leave. Jeff did shoot Adam a small wave greeting before taking off down the __hallway. I was happy to see that some progress toward semi-reconciliation was being made. Things would never be like they once were, but they could at least try and mend what they could._

"_You done with the shoot?" Adam asked with a playful grin as he pulled me close against him. _

_He was not wrestling tonight but going to make an appearance, cutting a promo at the top of the stage midway through the show. And I must say that he looked quite suave in his tight jeans, shirt, and grey suit jacket. His sunglasses were tucked into the neckline of his shirt and I was careful not to break them, when he smashed his body to mine. I looked up into his green eyes with a playful look of my own._

"_What do you think?" I asked, gesturing to stage crew packing up their gear and the lack of Hardys behind me._

"_I'll take that as a 'yes'," he said with a chuckle as he steered me away from the set and back towards the locker rooms._

"_You all ready for your promo tonight?" I asked as we made our way down the hallway, both of our arms wrapped around the other's waist._

"_Yeah, got to work on my limp though," he said with a cheeky grin. _

_Adam was supposed to be supporting a minor injury, selling the heinous bump that he took from Jeff last night. That was actually going to be part of his speech- how a lesser man would not even be able to be out of bed after the hit he took. Neither of them were seriously injured, even though they were sporting quite a few black and blue marks. But that was the nature of the business… still not fully used to it yet and I only had a few weeks left._

"_A better question would be, are you ready for your segment?" Adam asked as he opened the door to his locker room. "You finally are going to be getting some real singles action."_

"_Yeah, even though tonight is nothing more than just a run-in attack on Melina," I said as I took a seat next to the napping Legend Killer on a couch._

_We had a hell of a time getting Randy up and moving this morning. Hangover of the century contender if I ever saw one and he wasn't a real morning person to begin with. Luckily, like Adam, he wasn't competing tonight. He was just going to be sticking his nose in the title hunt as well, setting up a Fatal Fourway for Backlash in a few weeks. I regarded the sleeping man with a smile. He looked quite peaceful and content, so unlike the awake version._

"_Still, you deserve it," Adam said as he sat on the other side of me, still talking about my single's push._

_I turned away from Randy's sleeping form and looked at my boyfriend with a smile. He leaned in and captured my lips in his. I wound my hands through his blond locks and pulled him closer to me. Yet in the process of becoming closer in distance, he ended up leaning further on the couch, pulling us right on top of Randy. Neither of us pulled away however; it just felt too good to be in the others arms._

"_Get the fuck off," Randy mumbled as he pushed up against our forms._

_Adam leaned back and pulled me against him. I shot a look at the waking Legend Killer. He grumbled a few intelligible words before rubbing his hands over his face, wiping the sleep and excess hangover from his eyes. He looked over at us with bleary eyes._

"_Sorry about that," I mumbled with a small grin._

"_Doubt that," Randy said flatly as he stretched his arms over his head._

"_You needed to get up anyway dude," Adam said with a chuckle. "Vince was looking for you earlier to talk about some shit. I told him you had some 'personal business' to take care of."_

"_Thanks man," he responded with a yawn. "Does he still need to speak with me?"_

"_Nah, he said it could wait," Adam replied. Randy nodded before getting up and doing a few stretches, as he was probably stiff from sleeping against the arm of the couch for a few hours._

"_So, you have a good birthday yesterday?" I asked, as Randy and I hadn't spoken much all weekend. We saw each other for only a few moments before the actual Money in the Bank match and barely at all at his party last night. I figured I would try and make casual conversation, seeing as Adam and I did sort of wake him up (and in an awkward way)._

"_It was all right," Randy said with a shrug as he sat back down on the couch. "Would have been sweeter if I actually got the victory."_

"_No way that was going to happen," Adam muttered with a slight chuckle. "We are still in this Rated RKO storyline. At least we are going to get a title shot out of it."_

"_Yeah, but there is a slim chance to none that we are actually going to get the chance to take Cena's title," Randy said as the two men conversed, ultimately forgetting about my presence even though I was physically between them. "He's McMahon's Golden Boy, you know. Not that I'm knocking him or anything; Hell, I would take his place in a heartbeat, but… how long has he had the fucking title?"_

"_Since he took it from me," Adam recalled with a sigh, but slight smile. "We'll get our shot eventually."_

"_You've had the title in the last year," Randy recalled with a groan. "Maybe if I was on Smackdown, things would be different."_

"_You would really want to switch shows?" I asked with a confused look._

"_Don't listen to him, Nam," Adam said with a laugh, as he grasped my hand in his. "Neither of us are going anywhere. We probably have a feud with each other coming in the near future to begin with. Besides, if you think Cena is unbeatable, what about Taker? Vince has been promising him a long title run for months."_

"_That's true," Randy muttered, as he regarded Adam's last comment, which was directed more to him than me. "Can't wait till I am a veteran, maybe then I will finally get some gold around my waist."_

"_I've been here almost nine years and I am still seen as a young guy," Adam recalled with a laugh. "Don't sweat it so much. Just be happy that you're healthy and still in a storyline. We are the company's top two heels at the moment. We will get our time. Just wait for it."_

"_Yeah, waiting… so much fun," Randy said with a sarcastic laugh._

_I pushed myself up from the couch and went over to get my water bottle from my bag. I had enough of the pity party antics of both men. But I guess that was what happened when the business becomes your life. You sacrifice everything for your shot to be the number one man in the company: friends, family, a sense of normalcy… everything._

"_You two should look at the positives," I said as I turned back to the two men with a small smile. "You both are young, sexy, in the prime of your careers, and…"_

"_Wait, you think I'm sexy?" Randy asked with a laugh._

"_Yeah, let's rewind that statement for a second," Adam said in a playful tone. "Care to explain yourself?"_

"_I plead the fifth," I said with a chuckle of my own, happy that the joking atmosphere had returned to the room. Adam rose from the couch and wrapped me in his arms. He rubbed his chin over the skin on my neck, before lightly kissing the flesh at the nape. I leaned back into him with a content look on my face._

"_Okay, I think it's my turn," Randy said jokingly as he rose from the couch as well._

"_Very cute Rand," I said as he came over and pulled me close to him. I laughed as he lightly kissed me on the cheek before embracing me in a friendly hug._

"_What's going on in here?"_

_All three of us turned to the door where an amused John Cena was standing. Randy let go of his hold on me and grinned. I just rolled my eyes before taking another sip of water from the bottle still clutched in my hand._

"_Nothing, just talking," I said with a smile._

"_Sure," John said with a grin before turning his attention to Randy. "Shawn needs to film his promo which means…"_

"_That he needs my 'sexy' self to get it shot," Randy said with a pointed smile and wink my way._

"_It was a slip of the tongue," I exclaimed._

"_Yeah, a Freudian slip," Randy said as he grabbed the water bottle from my hand and took a huge gulp. I glared at him as he replaced it in my grasp._

"_You know, you are never going to live that down," Adam muttered to me with a smile._

"_See you later sexy," Randy said as he headed toward the door before turning around to look at me once more. "Oh wait a second… that's me."_

"_I hate you all," I muttered as I returned to take a seat on the couch. Adam came over and laughed as he watched me rub the top of the water bottle on my sleeve. "What? It has Randy cooties on it."_

_He pulled me close to him and kissed me lightly. I looked up at him with a beaming smile as he lightly traced my jaw line with his thumb. He leaned close to me, but instead of closing the gap, he brought his mouth right next to my ear._

"_You'll never know how much I truly love you."_

* * *

May 8, 2007  
11:08 PM

"Adam, wait!"

Two words that totally changed the outlook on my recent future. I still wasn't sure why I actually said them and couldn't fathom that he actually would realize who it was. But luck was never really on my side at any point in my life, so why should it start now?

"Nami?"

What was I supposed to do? I knew that my heart and mind were pulling me in opposing directions. The sensible thing would have been to hang up the phone and just move on. He had no real proof that it was me. I knew that wouldn't stop the calls that were bound to follow. And besides, I was never really the sensible one to begin with. I mean, _come on_… look at the mess that I had gotten myself into in the first place.

"Yeah… it's me," I whispered softly, after a few moments of trying to find my voice.

There was no reply from Adam: just more silence. I didn't know what to say, so I kept quiet as well. I had made the conscious effort to speak with him and was not going to give up, but _I didn't know what to say_. What could I say? The truth still really wasn't an option, especially now that it looked like my book might be published after all.

I heard some rustling on the other end. It was really the only sign that he hadn't hung up the phone. I tried my best to formulate some sort of statement in my mind. My heart had already won the battle by keeping me on the phone, but I couldn't let it do all the talking. I would be in serious trouble if it did.

"You get my letter?"

The query startled me as I was used to the deafening silence that was pervading our conversation. I looked over at the unopened envelope and nodded my head sadly. Sure, I had gotten it, but I didn't have the heart to read its contents. So, I decided to play dumb. I figured what damage could one more lie do?

"Letter?" I asked softly, still trying to fight the urge to just flip my phone shut.

"Well, I guess that answers my question," Adam muttered with a slight chuckle.

I couldn't believe that he was actually acting civil to me. I knew that if the shoe were on the other foot, I would be an emotional wreck and would certainly let him know how I felt (and probably very loudly). But he seemed to be just as lost for words as I was. I couldn't blame him there either so I decided to make the next move.

"Heard about the show tonight. Congratulations," I muttered softly with a small smile on my face as I pictured him with the World Heavyweight Championship around his waist. Even if he didn't win it in the fairest of ways, he still deserved it… now more than ever. After everything that I put him for through, I was glad that maybe he could find some happiness.

"You…" Adam said in a questioning voice before trailing off.

He sighed loudly into the phone before mumbling something intelligible to my ears. I heard a few other voices and figured he wasn't alone. Luckily for my heart and state of being, they sounded like masculine tones. Selfish me, still thinking that I deserved any part of him. I constantly wished that we could have met under different circumstances. Maybe then things could have worked out for us.

"Sorry 'bout that. I'm still at the arena," he mumbled into the phone.

"No need to apologize," I replied quickly.

"Ain't _that_ the truth," he muttered in a gruff tone and I knew that the conversation was about to take a turn for the worse. "Speaking of the truth, seeing as you called… are you _finally_ ready to start being honest with me?"

"You know that's impossible," I murmured as I tried to keep my voice steady and confident, even though my heart was breaking again inside my chest.

"I really don't know _anything _Nam," Adam ranted in a loud, bitter tone. I knew that it was coming and couldn't say that I didn't deserve anything he wanted to say to me. "I don't know what is fact and what is fiction. I don't know… I don't know if the woman that I fell in love with ever really felt the same."

"I did… I still do," I pleaded, cutting him off from saying anything else. "If one thing I said or did was true the past few months, it was when I said I love you. I meant it every time."

"Okay… then explain to me how you can just pack up and leave without a trace?" Adam asked indignantly. "How you can write a few letters with fancy words and mushy sentiments and then just leave? Can you even imagine how it felt to come back and find a letter in the place where you should have been? Huh, Nam… can you?"

"I couldn't just leave without…"

"But you did _just leave_! The letters… they only made things worse," Adam said, sounding almost defeated. I think he knew that I wasn't going to give in to him, even though I wanted to. He knew that this was the last time we would be speaking for quite some time. And from the sound of it, he wanted to make it last as long as he could.

"I'm sorry if they hurt you… speaking of which, how do you know about…"

"The other letters?" Adam asked with a sardonic laugh. "The guys showed me. Figured that it was the only thing that they could do to help with what I was going through… _still_ going though."

I knew that he was saying it more to hurt me. Not that he wanted to outwardly harm me, but more along the lines of wanting me to cave. But I knew that as much as I wanted to run to him and make everything like it used to be, I couldn't. I was finally going to get the chance to get this story published and I needed to take that opportunity. I couldn't do that with my old WWE friends in the picture. It would be a conflict of interest and skew the integrity of the story- if it had any to begin with was yet to be verified.

"Look Adam, I didn't want to hurt you, but I knew that I would never be able to say what I wanted to your face," I said softly, trying to keep my emotions in check. Just hearing his voice speaking to me was enough to make my resolve start to crumble. "But I needed to try and give you some sense of closure."

"Oh, so that was what that was?" Adam asked in a harsh sardonic tone. I cringed slightly as I pulled the picture frame of the two of us from my end table. Everything felt so right a month ago, but now everything was so different. "I still love you Nam. That letter couldn't end what we shared."

"I know," I murmured truthfully, as I felt a few tears form in my eyes. "But I had to try."

"Just tell me where you are baby," Adam said softly, after a few moments of silence. He could tell that this conversation was effecting me, as I couldn't hold back all of the light sobs that were coming from my form. I tried my best, but it was inevitable that he would hear. "We can make this work. Whatever is going on with you, I promise that we'll make this work."

"I… I can't Adam," I mumbled. "I wish that I could, but it's a choice that I have to make. And as much as my heart wants to win the battle, it's not going to."

"I just… I need to see you," Adam said in a pleading tone.

"Please, don't make this any harder on me than it already is," I muttered in my own version of a plea. I wanted to see him too, but I wanted this story to see the light of day. After all of my time in the WWE, I wanted to try and make things right with the company I once vehemently condemned. I didn't want everything to be in vain.

"Hard on you?" Adam asked scathingly. "What about me Nam? I am totally in the dark here and you… you won't even help me try and move on. I don't even _want_ to move on. I want to be with you, even after all of this. I still want to be with you."

I totally broke down. He still cared for me, dare I say even loved me. In my darkest thoughts, I would imagine that he had already moved on with someone else. I knew that he deserved to be happy, but I still thought of him as _my Adam_. I knew that I couldn't honestly say that anymore. I wouldn't even let him know where I was, and I knew that this would be our last talk probably until the book's release. I couldn't go through this again, and knew that it wasn't fair for him. None of this was fair for him.

"I love you Adam, believe that," I said softly.

"It's sort of hard to, babe," Adam replied sullenly. "I wish that I could, but I just don't understand anything."

"I know, and I'm sorry," I said quickly. "I shouldn't have called."

"No, I think this is the first thing that you have done right in the past few weeks," he replied with a lighthearted laugh. I knew that he was trying to keep me on the line as long as possible. Yet it needed to end sooner rather than later. "Oh shit, Happy Birthday by the way."

"You remembered," I said in slight surprise.

"Come on beautiful, I'm not a horrible boyfriend," he said with a small laugh.

"More like Boyfriend of the Year," I muttered with a laugh, remembering all of the things Adam had done to make me feel more comfortable in the WWE and in our relationship. He really was practically perfect at times.

"You get everything you wished for?" he asked softly, keeping with the lighthearted tone that the conversation was moving into.

"Not really," I muttered gloomily and the need to end the conversation came back into my mind.

"Okay... so, just out of curiosity, why did you call?" Adam asked after a few moments of silence. "I mean, you went through extreme lengths to become untraceable and you end up blowing it within a few weeks."

"Shut up," I said jokingly with a laugh of my own. "I admitted that it was a mistake. You are the one who sees otherwise. Besides, Danielle told me about your match, well pseudo-match anyway, tonight. She was at the taping."

"Really?" Adam asked. "You should have told her to stop by."

"I'm surprised she didn't try to get to see you," I said with a laugh. "She's on your side. Actually, everyone I know is on your side."

"Good to see that the Shepherd clan is still in my corner," he replied.

"Well considering many of them don't know about our spilt, of course they are still on your side," I said truthfully.

"You still haven't told them?" he asked. The conversation was beginning to sound like a normal dialogue between the two of us. It was amazing how we could go from total contempt and sadness to a sense of still trying to cling to a relationship that was fading fast. As much as we both wanted to hold on, it couldn't last; not like this.

"You know me and my family. It takes me a while to relay information," I said.

"So, they will learn about this before Christmas?" he asked, and I could hear the grin in his tone.

"Very funny," I murmured with a small chuckle. "It's just hard. I know that they won't understand either. I'd like to keep my family in my favor for as long as possible."

"By the time you get around to breaking the news to them, we will probably be back together anyway," Adam said with a sigh. I really didn't think he understood the extent of my absence and how long it was going to be. Even I didn't know that.

"I don't think so," I muttered truthfully in a more somber tone.

"And we were on such roll there," he said, trying to lighten the mood once more, but failing. I knew that this call needed to end. He needed to try and move on and this was not helping. Hell, I needed to try and move on as well. I couldn't keep clinging to something that I needed to escape, if only for a little while. I prayed that it was only for a little while.

"So, congrats on the title, but I need to…"

"You don't need to leave. You just want to try and find an easy way out," Adam said, interrupting my attempt at a goodbye. He knew me so well and there was no way he was going to let me leave without a fight or a hang-up.

"Maybe I do. This has been hard enough," I said honestly.

"Well, at least I know that you aren't constantly feeding me lies," Adam said, more serious than his joking manner would lead one to believe.

I hurt him… bad. And I was just beginning to see it in its full effect. His heart was already damaged with everything him and Amy went through. And now this… I would be surprised if he ever trusted his heart again.

"Please Adam. Don't make this any harder than it already is," I said as the joking manner had fully left the conversation.

It was time for reality to come back to us. We were officially splitting up. No matter how much we wanted to dance around it- this was it. This was the moment I had been dreading since I fell in love with him: the moment in which I would have to break both of our hearts.

"So this is it, huh?" he asked, after a few moments of pensive silence.

"I guess so," I murmured in response.

"Not exactly how I pictured it, not that I ever actually did," he said with a hint of understanding in his tone. "It's going to take some time for me to try and understand all of this, but I am going to try. I just… I want you to know that my heart is still yours Nam. Whether you want to believe it or not, it is. I have been in love quite a few times in my life, but you were different. You are something I don't think I will ever be able to fully get over."

"Adam…"

"No, let me finish," he said before I could continue. I really didn't want to hear him say nice things to me. I didn't deserve them and they were only making me feel worse. "I won't be able to get over you, but that being said, I don't think I will ever get over what _you did_. Even though I don't know all of the details, it hurts that you can't fully trust me. And it hurts that you couldn't get the courage to say goodbye to my face. We shouldn't have to do this over a phone."

I knew that he was right and I saw the first few tears fall from my eyes where they had stalled and onto the picture frame in my lap. He was right. This was not how this relationship should have ended. It was too beautiful to end in this impersonal way.

"We shouldn't have to do this to begin with," Adam said with a bitter laugh. "We had our problems sure, but I thought that we had gotten past all of them. Hell, Jeff and I were even on speaking terms, something I never dreamed would actually happen. But now… now, I don't even know what to say or do when it comes to you. I thought I knew you, but I guess I was wrong. I wish that I could have gotten the chance to know the real you Nam; the one that you are hiding from everyone. Maybe that was why you and Jeff got along so well. Both of you liked to keep to yourself- him just by nature but you because you didn't want to get to close to anyone. Well, you failed at that Nam. You did get close to us. I guess I have to blame myself a little for getting too close to you."

"Don't blame yourself," I pleaded hastily as more tears fell. "This was all my fault. Everything was my fault."

"Can't argue with you there, I guess," he muttered softly. "So, do you have anything else you want to tell me?"

I couldn't believe that it was about to end. I looked over at the still sealed envelope containing his letter. I had an urge to open and read it before I answered his question, but I chose not to. I would save the letter for another time, when I desperately wanted to be near him and couldn't and finally felt like I wanted this all to be behind me.

"Just that I miss you," I said softly as I tried to wipe the rest of the tears from my eyes.

"I know," he said in the same hushed tone. "I'll tell the guys you said 'hi'."

I waited for him to make the final gesture: the last goodbye. But it never came. He was waiting. It was obvious that he wanted me to make the last move. This was my game after all and it was only right that I was the one to say when it was done.

"Okay," I muttered, responding to his last statement.

The silence lingered between the two of us. Neither of us wanted to be the one to cut the cord so to speak. We both were still hanging by a thread in this relationship. So I did the only thing I could do. I closed my eyes and said a short prayer of forgiveness before looking down at the photo in my lap once more.

Then… I flipped the phone shut.

* * *

June 1, 2007  
12:28 PM - Hachette Cafeteria

It had been over three weeks since my conversation with Adam and I still wasn't fully over it. I carried his unopened letter around with me as a reminder of it. I felt that if I kept it sealed and unread, things really weren't totally resolved. Like the longer I waited, the longer I could keep up the assumption that we had a future. Adam hadn't called back after I ended the conversation without fully ending it. I took the coward's way out by just hanging up. It was just too much. Yet there were times late at night when my mind would drift to what could have been if I just leveled with him. I believed that maybe we could have made some things work. Now, it was totally out of the cards... at least for now.

Last week, I officially signed a contract for my book on the WWE entitled _Confessions of a WWE Diva_. Carol Ross came up with the title, not me. I really never considered myself a Diva per se, but wasn't going to argue. It was actually getting printed! I celebrated more inwardly as my personal life was still in turmoil. And in the contract was a stipulation that barred any real contact with the WWE and any of its employees until the printing and release was over. It was all for legal matters. The book was sure to ruffle some legal feathers on the WWE's side. Not that there was anything really damning in my exposé, but without knowledge of its contents, it would be easy to prosecute.

So now I had a reason for not seeing Adam- an actual reason, but it still felt wrong. It had been over month since I had seen him, and I was going through withdrawals. It wasn't just him. It was everyone that I had come to know and love in the WWE. I had yet to really watch a full Raw or Smackdown broadcast. Tonight, I was going over to Danielle's place and we were going to try and watch Smackdown. She knew what happened at the taping because of her internet sites and the spoilers she read. She said that Adam wasn't wrestling so I should try and watch. She felt like it would help some of the emotions I was feeling.

Not only did my book get picked up for printing, I was rehired as part of the Hachette family. I had my old office back, and things were starting to get back to the way they were before the Diva Search. Things would never be exactly the same. Mr. Williams wanted me to change and gain a new perspective on life. Well, at least I succeeded in something.

"You mind if I sit here?"

I looked up from my still full tray of food and smiled at Melanie. We had spoken a few times since I returned to the company. We were never really that close, but seeing as my normal work friends were sort of at odds with me in some emotional departments, I was looking for other sources of in-office companionship.

"No. Go right ahead," I said as I moved my shoulder bag onto a nearby chair so she could set her own tray and manuscripts down on the table. She took a seat across from me and smiled.

"So, how does it feel to be back?" she asked. I shrugged and swirled my spoon in my Styrofoam cup of soup.

"A little weird, but I'm getting used to it all over again," I said truthfully. She nodded as she took a sip of her coffee.

"I can imagine it's going to take some time to fully adjust," she said with a chuckle. "I heard about your story being picked up. Congrats."

"Thanks," I said in a pretty lackluster tone that didn't go unnoticed by the story editor.

"You don't seem… happy?" she asked. I shrugged once more and evaded her eyes, looking down once more at my now lukewarm meal.

"It's nothing," I murmured, not in the mood to have to explain myself to everyone I came across. It was bad enough that I still hadn't told my family about leaving Adam. They knew I was no longer with the company but I told them that we were working through our relationship. That wasn't exactly a total lie.

"Obviously, it is _something_," she said. I looked up at her and saw sincerity in her eyes. I figured that maybe I could try and get a fresh perspective on the issue.

"Well… it's just when I started the assignment, I could care less about what I found out about the company and who was affected," I explained as I threw my napkin over my tray. I had lost my appetite. "But after being there…"

"You got too attached," she interrupted knowingly. I nodded.

"Yeah, _way too attached_," I said with a small laugh just thinking about the relationships I had made. "And I just found out that Hachette is publishing my journal as is. I knew I shouldn't have written so legibly."

"You mean they are…"

"Just printing the pages?" I filled in for her. She nodded her head and I responded with the same gesture. "Yeah, they are making it this whole 'concept' piece. They are even making copies of some of the photos and other shit I had stashed in there. I mean… when I started, this was not at all what I had in mind."

I couldn't believe it when Mr. Williams told me. I was floored. I thought that names might be changed or that things could be edited out. I wrote a conclusion like they wanted me to, but I didn't know that that was all that was going to be done to alter the journal. Everything I wrote, all of my personal and confidential thoughts, were going to become public.

"Have you talked to your friends about it?" she asked, taking a bite out of her apple.

"Danielle is really not hel…"

"No, I meant your wrestling friends," she said with a laugh as my stomach tensed up from slight hunger but also the mention of my old friends. "I'm sure if you explained things they would understand."

"We don't really talk all that much anymore," I said evasively. She really didn't need to know everything about my personal matters. Hell, no one knew that Adam and I had talked since my departure from the company. I figured it was better if they didn't know about my moment of weakness.

"What?" Melanie asked, genuinely surprised.

"Well… I sort of just left," I said with a sheepish laugh. "Didn't really ever explain things. I thought it would be for the best. And now with the contract? I really can't say anything to them."

_Not like I ever would_, but she didn't need to know that either.

"Are you insane?" she asked incredulously, and I was quite surprised by her tone. "It's just… you just left?"

"I left them letters," I said in my own defense, even though it sounded very spineless the moment the words came out of my mouth. "Look, I know that I was in the wrong, but I was at a loss of what to do."

"How about the truth?" she asked with a laugh. I could only shake my head. Another person who couldn't understand.

"Easier said than done," I muttered as I looked away from her gaze.

"I guess," she muttered as she resumed eating her lunch. I decided that maybe I could try and steer the conversation away from wrestling, away from all of my fucked up problems. So I brought up the only thing I knew that we had in common.

"So how are things going on the editing floor?" I asked, trying to feign a lot of interest. I didn't really care much about the various occupations at the company. I found myself being bored by the mundaneness of it all.

"Ugh, happy to say that '_A Lion's Tale'_ is finally frozen," she said with a groan. "All set to head to printing in a few weeks. Just waiting on Jim Ross's foreword."

"Fuck, why does every little thing reminds me of wrestling, even some poor guy's name?" I exclaimed swiftly, as my diversion of topics was not working all that well.

"That's probably because it is the person you are thinking of," she said knowingly as she picked up one of the manuscripts from her pile and slid it across the table.

"'_A Lion's Tale: Around the World in Spandex_' by Chris Jericho?" I read aloud questioningly.

"Or Irvine to the non-wrestling crowd," she said with a grin as I stared down at the paperback manila manuscript, re-reading the small black words across the front. "You ever meet him?"

"No, but Adam talked about him a lot," I said truthfully as I flipped open the cover and perused the first few pages.

"You can keep that copy if you like," she said as I continued to flip through the manuscript. "I can't even bear to look at it any longer. We've been working on it for forever and a day."

"When is it due out?" I asked as I flipped the flimsy cover shut once more.

"Sometime in the Fall," she said with a shrug. "Not exactly sure of the day, but I've made it quite clear to him that _this_ is the final draft. All I need is the foreword and it is set."

"I doubt they'll be any problems," I said which prompted laughter from the editor. She shot me an amused look before shaking her head.

"You don't know Chris Irvine."

* * *

9:45 PM – Danielle's apartment

"So I heard you and the alien had lunch together today."

I rolled my eyes at Steven's nickname for Melanie and took another sip from my beer bottle.

"She really isn't all that bad," I said in her defense. "She actually seemed pretty normal at lunch today. Nothing out of the ordinary."

"Lucky you," Danielle muttered flatly, as the CW was coming back from a commercial and she reached for the remote to turn the volume up.

The night was going okay for the most part. I was halfheartedly paying attention to the show and true to her word, Adam had not wrestled tonight. I found it odd that the champion wouldn't be in attendance the Smackdown before the pay-per-view on Sunday, but I believed that Vince knew what he was doing. Either that or Danielle wasn't being totally honest with me. We spent much the night watching the broadcast with the sound off, listening to music or just talking amongst the three of us. Steven said it was because he hated JBL's commentary but I was beginning to believe it was for another reason.

"_You think you know me."_

"You guys suck, you know that right?" I muttered as I watched Adam come out into the ring, which was set up for The Cutting Edge.

"All I said was that he wasn't wrestling tonight," Danielle said with a smile. "Which is true... see, he's just going to be talking."

I sent her a slight glare as I got up from my seat and walked into the kitchen, rinsing out the empty beer bottle in the sink. That explained why the volume was down all night. They didn't want me to know about Adam's segment that was probably being plugged throughout the broadcast. That also explained the reason Steven had to quickly check ESPNEWS for the Yankees score as soon as matches and promos were over. They didn't want any graphic promoting the segment to catch my attention.

"Are you ever going to come back into the room?" Danielle asked, as I heard Adam's voice emanating from the television in the other room. He sounded a little hoarse and I couldn't help but be concerned that he was sick and maybe pushing himself. Either that or he must have had some screaming match to sound like that.

I opened the refrigerator and grabbed another bottle of beer before heading back into the apartment's main room. I retook my seat and watched as Batista walked down the ramp toward the ring.

"I'm actually surprised you are watching," Steven said with a laugh, as the camera cut to Adam. The gold certainly looked good on his shoulder and I smiled. He deserved it, even if it was given to him because of the Undertaker's injury.

I just shrugged my shoulders and concentrated on the screen as it flipped back to Batista. A few moments later, the screen was back on Adam who had now taken his sunglasses off. I felt my whole body go weak as I watched him, cocky smirk and all. I looked over at my shoulder bag on the floor and knew that if I needed, his letter was still inside. I could always open it and read what he had to say, finally ending things. I could try and get a real sense of closure. But I knew deep in my heart, I didn't want closure. I wanted him.

"You ever meet Batista?" Steven asked as the Animal entered the ring and stared at Adam with an intense gaze.

"Yeah, a few times," I murmured. "He and Melina sort of have a relationship going on so we ran into each other on more than one occasion."

"I heard that he's pretty cocky in person," he replied. I scoffed at the statement. "What?"

"It just depends on the person and the time that people meet the Superstars," I said, in defense of my former co-workers. "I don't know him well enough to judge him fully, but you can't totally go by hear say. Everyone has off days you know. And with the insane schedule they are under? I am not surprised if they can come across uncouth at times."

"Shh, both of you," Danielle said, making more noise than we were. "Edge is about to speak."

"_Now Dave… Dave, before we get started I want to let you know that this, this isn't physical. This is completely verbal, okay?" _Adam told Batista as they stood facing each other in the ring._ "So have a seat, please. Please, have a seat."_

Both men looked back and slowly took a seat in their respective chairs. Adam kept running his hand through his hair, which was normally one of his nervous habits. He did it quite often on-screen when he didn't know what to do with his hands and when he was supposed to seem slightly intimated or irritated. I smiled and remembered some more of our times together.

"_Man, I just want to let you know what a great pleasure it is to have you on my show," _Adam said, as the camera zoomed in on his sitting form.

"Fuck, he is so beautiful," Danielle muttered. Steven nodded his head in agreement and I could only inwardly groan. I knew that this was a bad idea.

"_There was a lot of people that thought I was crazy for having you on the show this week; for even being in the same ring as you just a few days before our cage match at One Night Stand,"_ Adam continued as the camera kept cutting between the two sitting Superstars. His voice sounded really raspy and I wondered if he really was sick and working through a cold. It was time for the worrying mode to kick in. I just hoped that if he was sick, he wouldn't do anything stupid that could really jeopardize his health. Now that he had the belt, I knew that he wanted to keep it as long as he could. "_But ah… you don't intimidate me Batista."_

"That face would certainly intimidate me," Steven said, as the camera cut to a semi-intense looking Animal.

"Nothing intimidates Edge," Danielle said in a slight dreamy tone causing me to lightly scoff at her statement. God, I felt like we were teenagers again, going all googly-eyed over celebrities in movies and magazines.

"_You see, if memory serves me correctly the last time you and I were in the same wrestling ring, it was at Judgment Day and I beat you one, two, three,"_ he continued.

I hadn't seen the pay-per-view match, but heard from my friends that it was just okay. Batista was sporting a kayfabe injury that hampered his abilities, which was a reason many saw for Edge's victory. I just hoped that Adam would be able to get a clean victory over him on Sunday to end all of the negative press about his title reign. I mean, sure he won it in an 'Ultimate Opportunist' kind of way, but I hated that they were making him seem like a wimp who couldn't win matches. That was so unlike the Edge from the Rated RKO days or even before in the John Cena-Edge year long feud.

"_So, so you don't intimidate me. Okay?" _Adam said, as the screen flashed to a slightly nodding Batista. "_As a matter of fact, I ah… think you might be a little intimidated. I can see it in your eyes. It drives you crazy, doesn't it?"_

"Looks like we are about to see some action," Steven commented as Batista rose from his chair.

"_Wait a minute… wait, what are doing? What are you doing?"_

Seemed like Adam, well Edge, _was _a little intimidated. I chuckled slightly as I watched and heard him stutter over his words. I silently wished that I could have been backstage for this segment. But then again, I was used to watching segments with Randy and John. They weren't on Smackdown, so I would be pretty much alone in that department. I highly doubted Matt would want to sit down and talk about Adam's promo. And as much as my friends tried, it just wasn't the same anymore. After living the life, it was hard looking in from the outside.

"_Take it easy,_" Batista said as he took his jacket off of his form and hung it on his chair._ "I'm just hot; taking my jacket off. It's hot in here, relax. Relax. You're not afraid of me right? You're not afraid of me, are you?"_

"Look at that face. He certainly seems afraid," Steven said. God, did I miss Randy's banter. We had some good times just watching matches in the locker room.

"_By the sound of your voice, it sounds like you're a little bit afraid of me,"_ Batista said with a small grin, knowing that he was correct in his assumption._ "I'm sorry, please continue."_

"That is a sexy face, not a _scared_ face," Danielle said with a laugh. "Come on Nam, back me up on this one."

"Whatever," I muttered as I continued to watch the segment in indifference to the banter going on around me.

I couldn't enjoy the broadcast as much as I would if I was still with my WWE friends. Maybe because it was fun listening to them rib each other. I never realized how much I missed even the simplest things.

"_Like I was saying, I did in three seconds what you couldn't do in th…"_

"_You did in three seconds what I couldn't do in three months,"_ Batista replied mockingly, finishing Adam's statement for him._ "We've heard it. We've heard it. And if you mean stealing the title from the Undertaker, you would be absolutely right. You did that."_

"_I beat the Undertaker!"_ Adam attested venomously._ "I am the World Heavyweight Champion!"_

"You tell 'em sexy," Danielle said. I didn't know if she was saying it just to voice her opinion or to get a rise out of me, but she was going to get neither.

"_Wait, until One Night Stand,"_ Batista said with a small smile on his lips.

"You going to come over on Saturday for the pay-per-view?" Steven asked. I just shrugged. I hadn't really planned on watching it and didn't know if I could stand another public viewing like this. Even though this used to be a staple to our weekly routine, I couldn't get into it anymore. It was another thing that was changed because of my stay in the WWE. For better or worse, I had yet to really decide.

"_One Night Stand, huh? One Night Stand! One Night Stand! That's all anybody wants to talk to me about is One Night Stand," _Adam ranted, breaking me from my thoughts about my current situation._ "I'm gonna be locked in a cage with the Animal… like I'm at some kind of disadvantage like I should be afraid. Well, I'm not. I'm not at a disadvantage. I'm not afraid. Like I said, I think you're afraid."_

"Look at him laugh," Steven said with chuckle as the camera flipped back to Adam's rival. "I think he is going to tear your husband apart at the pay-per-view hun."

I didn't know if he was speaking to me or Danielle when using the term 'husband'. Again, it was probably just to try and get some reaction out of me, so I decided to play it cool and pretend not to hear him.

"_Yeah, yeah. Because there's not only going to be a steel cage hanging above your head," _Adam said as he glared at his opponent. "_There's also going to be the fear of choking in another World Title Match hanging over your head."_

"Well, that certainly killed the mood," Danielle remarked, as Batista sobered up from his joking, mocking, manner and rose from his seat. Adam rose as well and I could tell that things were most likely going to take a physical turn.

"_You're gonna be in there with the best. So ah… good luck Dave," _Adam said, patting him twice on the cheek.

I couldn't hold in the chuckle and both of my friends turned away from the screen. I shot them a questioning look before turning my attention back to the screen.

"_No, good luck to you,"_ Batista responded and then proceeded to repeat Adam's action a little harder on the side of the champion's cheek. I grinned at the screen and could see a little competition of one-upmanship was about to begin. Damn, what I wouldn't give to have been there.

"So are you ready to admit that you should try and speak with him?" Danielle asked as the screen showed Adam trying to regain his composure.

"Maybe I already have," I muttered softly and truly without any forethought.

"What?" both of my friends simultaneously exclaimed, turning their attention away from the screen once more.

"_I don't need your luck,"_ Adam responded before patting Batista lightly on the arm twice.

"Okay, so are you going to tell us about your conversation?" Steven asked.

"I don't believe her," Danielle said, before I had a chance to even try and answer. I just sighed and continued to watch Adam in the ring. What could I say?

"_Yeah… you do," _Batista replied, before repeating Adam's action on his arm, sending the champ slightly off-kilter.

"Talk to us Nam," Danielle pleaded. I just shrugged.

"Nothing much to say," I said, trying to keep my conversation with Adam from my mind. It would just make me upset and I couldn't or wouldn't break down in front of my friends.

"_No, I don't!"_ Adam exclaimed, extenuating each word with a harsh poke to the chest.

"So childish, but fucking sexy," I muttered, more to myself than my friends. It seemed like an argument kids would have on the school playground, but it was happening in a WWE ring between two of the biggest Superstars on the show. I had to laugh at the slight uncanny feeling the whole segment brought about. It was surreal in an odd way.

"_Yes, you do!"_ Batista attested in the same manner, pushing Adam back slightly.

"_I'm not afraid of you,"_ Adam quickly bellowed as he pushed the Animal back, glaring at him with spite in his eyes.

"_Well you should be,"_ Batista roared before dropping the microphone from his mouth and punching Adam right in the jaw. He fell to the mat and backed away from the still Animal with a look of fear in his eyes.

"Okay so now that that segment is over, time for you to spill all the information you have been withholding," Danielle said as Saliva's 'I Walk Alone' blared through the speakers, signaling the end of the segment. The show itself was ending so Danielle turned the television off and both of them turned their full attention to me.

"We spoke once… after you called to tell me about his match a few weeks ago," I said with a small smile.

"And?" Steven asked in an impatient tone.

"We ended things… sort of," I said as my smile faded from my face.

"What do you mean _sort of_?" Danielle asked.

"I really don't want to discuss it," I said as I nervously picked the label on my forgotten, now room temperature beer bottle. I took a swig and had to resist the urge to spit the bitter liquid out of my mouth. Warm beer was abhorrent, but served as a great distraction.

"Well we do," Steven said.

"And I don't," I attested, feeling like I had just heard this conversation.

"Yes, you do," Danielle pleaded with a pout.

"No, I don't!" I exclaimed and then realized that we were pretty much just copying The Cutting Edge argument we had just seen. I chuckled and rose from my seat. So much for thinking that it was the type of argument that was only acted out in grade school.

I walked into the kitchen and dumped my stale beer down the sink. I washed the bottle out and turned back toward the doorway where both of my friends were now standing. They looked at me wanting more answers but I didn't feel like answering them. I brushed by them and started to gather my things.

"I'm going to hit the road," I said with a small frown. "I'll call you guys tomorrow."

Before either could object, I waved and scampered toward the door. Once in the safety of the hallway, I leaned up against the wall and thought about my situation. I didn't want to open up to my old friends. I couldn't open up to my new now ex-friends. I really was alone in this.

I needed someone to come and save me.


	49. An Eye on the Future, An Eye on the Past

A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed. Hatter-Zombie.ate.your.brains, x.Hardy.at.Heart.x, xxHungryeyesxx, WWEAngel, nicole, Farra Sti, Inday, and KaraAlissa... tanki tanki for your reviews as they helped motivate me to write and get this chapter up ASAP. This is pretty much going to be the format for the rest of the story (or at least the next few chapters), with a flashback at the beginning and then the present stuff in the timeline afterwards.

So this is the chapter that includes references to Chris Benoit and I tried my best to talk about it as best as I could. I knew that I needed it to be addressed (considering that Nami's new friend was great friends with him and is sort of the catalyst for their meeting). So, yeah... just a little warning, but nothing really explict about the events is discussed. I didn't think it was needed. Thanks to everyone who has read and taken the time to review (lots of hugs to ya'll). I still haven't exactly decided how I want this story to end. There are **three possible endings** and I have no idea which route I am going to take (but I don't know if I want to make alternate endings or anything like that). Maybe the right end will come the more I right; I can only hope. Peace and Love!!

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_Sunday April 8, 2007  
7:19 PM – Nami's Apartment in New Jersey_

"_I love you too, babe… Tell the guys I say 'hi' and I'll see you tomorrow… Bye."_

_I flipped my phone shut and laid back on my bed with a content smile on my face. It had been a nice weekend off and I was happy to enjoy the only downtime that I would see in the next few weeks alone. Adam was spending a few male bonding days at his place in Florida with Jay and a few of their friends… Chris Jericho and Terry "Rhino" Richards I think. Not too sure, but I didn't want to pry. The two of us had spent most of our free time during the week together here in New Jersey. I was at the Smackdown taping valeting for Jeff in his match with Mr. Kennedy. But that was the last in-ring work that either of us had until tomorrow's Raw._

_The WWE was giving all of their Superstars the rest of the week off, seeing as we had the lengthy European Tour coming up. I was really excited as it was the first time that I would be able to visit Italy. I had always wanted to go and sightsee all of the artistic wonders that I had learned about and fallen in love with in college. Yet I never had the chance to go. Now, it was actually part of my job and Vince assured us that we would have time to ourselves on the trip. I could hardly contain my excitement when I heard that news and was anxiously awaiting the trip even though I knew that every day wasted brought me closer to my final day with the company._

_I really couldn't think negative thoughts at this point. I had too much to do, both in the ring and out. Not only was I pulling double duty in the ring, valeting for Jeff and competing in my own singles program with Melina, but I also had to keep up with my writing. I sometimes would forget that that was the whole reason I was in the WWE in the first place. I had gotten so used to the lifestyle. It would be weird not living it anymore. Yet before I could get any further into my contemplation, there was a knock at my door._

_I got up off my bed and walked into the main living quarters of my apartment. I didn't know who it could be, seeing as I didn't tell any of my friends and family that I was coming home. I wanted to just spend some quality 'me' time. I tiptoed over to the door since I wasn't sure if I was actually going to open it. I peered into the peephole and a huge smile lit up my face. I unhooked the deadbolt and unlocked the door, quickly swinging it open._

"_And here I was thinking that you might not even be home."_

_I quickly pulled Jeff into an embrace before ushering him inside my apartment. I hadn't really spent much quality time with him in the past week, even though we had to work together on-screen much more than usual. Adam and I were becoming closer and closer, which put a strain on best friend time. I was pleasantly surprised that Jeff took it upon himself to find some time for us to just hang out together._

"_I was just enjoying the downtime," I said truthfully as I took a seat on my sofa._

"_Ah yes, the big break before the long overseas trip," Jeff said with a chuckle, as he dropped his suitcase on the ground and joined me on the sofa. "I thought you couldn't wait for Italy?"_

"_I can't," I said with a huge grin. "But still… it's not going to be all fun and games. There will have to be a lot of fun at work as well."_

"_True," he responded. "But you did promise to show me around, even though I am the one who has actually been there before."_

"_Show off," I muttered sarcastically. "Fine, I won't culture you in the way of Italian art."_

"_I think you have enough people to 'culture' already," Jeff said in a somewhat flat and distant tone, even though my previous tone was lighthearted and joking. I gave him a slightly confused look and he just shook his head, as if he was telling me to forget it. Yet I wasn't about to as I had a feeling I knew what he was speaking of._

"_Please don't tell me you mean Randy and Adam?" I asked with a small laugh, which turned into more after he slightly nodded his head. "You know as well as I do that they really aren't interested in that type of stuff. Adam is just going because I want to and… well, I am not exactly sure why Randy wants to tag along."_

"_Probably to just keep himself out of trouble," Jeff said with a small smile, as he surveyed the smallish confines of my living room, even though he had been here a few times before._

"_So… what exactly are you doing here? Not that I don't mind the company, but it just sort of comes as a surprise," I asked as he turned his attention back to me._

"_Matt was flying in to spend the night with Ash's family so I figured I would tag along for the flight," he said. "I assumed that you would be home considering Adam flew home to Florida alone for the weekend and… I don't know, just wanted to stop by. Maybe even drive to Raw together tomorrow or something."_

"_That'd be nice," I said with a smile. "I hate driving to begin with."_

"_I'm well aware of that darlin'," he said with a laugh."I still don't think you realize that the long pedal makes the car go."_

"_I'm starting to regret ever letting you in here," I muttered, as I lightly whacked him with one of the sofa's accent pillows. He blocked the hit and used the fabric of the pillow to pull me closer to him._

"_I like your shirt," he whispered to me when are noses were nearly touching. I looked at him in a confused manner before looking down at the shirt I was wearing. I smiled as I noticed it was his new WWE Girly tank top, with a purple and green Jeff Hardy symbol in the middle. "I thought those didn't go on sale till next week."_

"_Yeah well, I have connections," I murmured teasingly as he knew full well that he was the one who had given me the shirt at the last Raw taping._

_I looked directly into his eyes when I noticed that neither of us were really pulling away. I couldn't understand why I still had so many amorous feelings for him repressed inside. Okay, that's a lie. I could __understand why… take one look at him and you could probably see a few. But it was so much more than just the physical. We had such a deep connection, one that I have never felt with anyone before. It was like I could be totally myself around him and not self-conscious of what he would think, and I liked to think it was vice versa (but it was sometimes hard to know exactly what Jeff was thinking)._

"_So… what have you been doing with your time off: just relaxing?" Jeff asked as he scooted back on the sofa creating a gap in distance between the both of us. I chuckled nervously before doing the same, even though there was already a comfortable amount of space in our separation. _

"_Pretty much," I said softly, still trying to get my thoughts in order and the blush off of my cheeks. "Adam and I had a nice week together and then I just spent some quality time alone…"_

"_Which I guess I interrupted," he responded before I could finish my statement._

"_Yeah, but honestly I don't mind," I said with a big smile. "I miss my roommate. It'll be like old times."_

_It seemed like forever since Jeff and I actually roomed together. First, there was Melina's breakup with John and then of course my reconciliation with Adam. I missed coming back from a show and being able to joke around and talk with my best friend. When I was with Adam, as soon as we got back to the room, there normally wasn't time for many words. Not that I was really complaining, but still… even though the sex was great, I wouldn't mind a little more quality time just getting to know each other emotionally or spiritually (not really in the relgious sense; more metaphysical). And I was sure that Adam would totally understand if I voiced my opinion, but I wanted him to come to that conclusion on his own._

"_You want something to drink?" I asked as I rose from the sofa and headed toward the kitchen, still trying to get all of the nervous tension out of my system._

"_Sure, whatever you have," he said. _

_I nodded and went over to the refrigerator, pulling out two bottles of beer. I scrambled through my drawers trying to find my bottle opener, before seeing that I left it on the counter. I opened the bottles and entered the living quarters once more. I looked over at Jeff, who was intently looking at a book in his lap. I couldn't exactly tell what it was, but when I saw the leather bound cover, I began to get nervous. I wouldn't have been stupid enough to leave my journal out, would I? Then again, I didn't know that I was going to be having company._

"_What'cha looking at?" I asked, as I tried to keep my voice as normal as possible._

_I sat back down on the sofa and handed him the bottle. I peered over at the book and inwardly sighed in relief. It was an old scrapbook from middle school that I was looking through the day before and never put away. I said a prayer that it wasn't the journal and took a sip from my bottle. That was certainly a close call._

"_That's me, and my friends Steven, Becca, and Anne," I said, pointing to the four figures in the photograph on the opened page. "This is an old scrapbook from middle school. It was actually a school assignment."_

"_What type of school did you go to?" he asked jokingly as he flipped the page. "I probably would've been the fucking valedictorian."_

"_Ha ha," I muttered flatly, stressing each of the utterances. "It was in my seventh grade English class. We had to make 'memory books' that would be collected at the end of the year and then given back to us at our high school graduation. Sort of like a time capsule, but in written and photographic form... and for fifty percent of our final grade."_

"_Still don't see the scholarly aspect of it," he murmured sarcastically. I shoved him slightly as he flipped through the pages, commenting on some of the photos he saw. Hey, I was only thirteen! "What's this?"_

"_Oh my God, I totally forgot that we did these," I said with a laugh, as I pulled the book off of his lap and looked at the page, reading the answers in the boxes._

"_Care to explain?" he asked, before taking a sip of his beer._

"_You've never played MASH before?" I asked. He stared at me blankly and I sighed. "Oh come on, you know? Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House?"_

"_Obviously I don't know," he said with a chuckle as he peered down at the page. "But I'm guessing it is some sort of game."_

"_Sort of," I murmured as I self-consciously hid the page from him. All of a sudden I felt somewhat shy around him and I couldn't understand why. I could care less if he saw the bullshit fortune that the game revealed. I think that it was probably the fact that I was letting him get too close to the real me. He was no longer going to be seeing me through rose-colored glasses; this was my life… my real life. "It's just some stupid fortune-telling game that my friends and I played all the time as kids. So Becca, Anne, and I included one for each of our memory books."_

"_So, did your fortune come true?" Jeff asked, obviously still not understanding the childishness of the game._

"_Am I Mrs. Leonardo DiCaprio?" I asked sarcastically. "No, didn't think so."_

"_Okay, now I am totally lost," Jeff said._

"_Well, the best way I can describe it is if we actually do it ourselves," I said with a grin. I grabbed a pen and notebook from the table and turned to face my best friend. Okay, so much for it only being for gradeschoolers. "So, first thing's first… I need five females; well, really only four because usually the person telling the fortune gets to pick the final one, but…"_

"_Huh?" Jeff asked, still evidently lost. I rolled my eyes and decided that I needed to explain it a little more._

"_I need five names of prospective spouses," I said, trying not to make it sound too juvenile. That was impossible, but if you can't joke around with your best friend, who can you? "Normally, you pick celebrities, a la my choice of DiCaprio, but…"_

"_You had a crush on him?" Jeff asked with a chuckle. "Must've been Titanic… every girl was in love with him after that movie."_

"_Not everyone, and no it wasn't Titanic. Wrong year, Mr. Hot-Shot," I said jokingly. "It was Romeo and Juliet. Fuck, I love that movie."_

"_Shakespeare groupie," Jeff muttered under his breath, yet loud enough that I could hear. "Well, if I'm going to play this… this 'thing' we'll make it a little more realistic. Take some of the kid aspect out of it."_

"_Whatever," I said cheerfully, as I was just happy that he didn't think I was totally insane. Even though it seemed childish, it would get us talking about stuff we normally wouldn't. "So… any day now."_

"_Well, of course there is Beth," he said. I shrugged and scrawled her name at the top of the page, underneath the acronym title of the game. "Then I guess… I don't know."_

"_Come on," I murmured after he spent some time seriously thinking about it. "It's really just supposed to be mindless fun. It doesn't mean anything."_

"_Okay then," he said with a sigh. "I guess Amy… um maybe Trish…"_

_He trailed off again as I wrote the other two names underneath Beth's. I couldn't understand why it was so hard for him. It really was just a game._

"_Still two more babe," I commented, after he stalled after the first three names. He gave me a sheepish look before answering._

"_You and Ashley?" he asked, as if there was a right or wrong answer. I gave him a small look before scribbling the names on the paper._

"_Alright, so next is five different car or automobile types," I said, and he loudly exhaled. It seemed as if he was nervous about the reaction he was going to receive for saying my name. Honestly, it was just a game. "Hopefully this is a little easier to answer."_

"_Funny," he said flatly. "Need I remind you that you were the one who wanted to do this."_

"_Hey, you wanted to understand the rules," I said with a small grin. "Besides, aren't you even remotely interested?"_

"_Sure darlin'," he said with a snicker. I shot him a look and he sighed. "Alright… I guess a Corvette, my dirtbike…"_

"_Wait a sec, your bike?" I asked with a laugh. "That is going to be your fantasy family's form of transportation?"_

"_Oh and what would you suggest?" he said with a huge smile. "A station wagon?"_

"_See, now that is a good idea," I said grinning from ear to ear as I wrote all three automobiles down on the list._

"_You are seriously writing that?" he asked before downing the rest of his beer. I just nodded my head which earned a slight shove from my best friend. "Fine, two more huh?"_

_By the time all six categories were done, each of us had downed four bottles of beer and more than an hour had elapsed. By the time I started the tally to figure out the magic number, I was feeling the effects of the alcohol. I giggled as I tried to concentrate on the paper and wait for Jeff to give me the signal to stop counting._

"_Alright, stop."_

_I blearily counted the seven tally marks and looked at the paper in front of me. I looked up and shot Jeff a look before starting to figure out the solution. It took a little longer than normal, as I had to recount a few things because of my less than sober but not drunk disposition. Jeff got up and took the empty bottles into the kitchen, returning with glasses of water for both of us. We certainly didn't need to drink anymore tonight, even though Jeff didn't seem to be feeling any ill effects from the beer. I think it was that I was such a lightweight when it came to alcohol._

"_You finished yet?" Jeff asked impatiently. _

_For someone who didn't want to do it in the first place, he sure was anxious. But I guess after spending awhile joking around and discussing his choices, it turned into something more than just a childish game. I looked down at the results and had to laugh. Jeff tried to peer over at the sheet. I giggled and pulled it out of his eyesight._

"_At least it got your occupation right," I said with a laugh, as I conceded and handed him the paper, after he almost crawled over me to get it. He read through it with a smile on his face and the occasional laugh._

"_Yeah, too bad I don't have a lime green Corvette and live in a house in Manhattan," Jeff said with another laugh._

"_Hey, you're still young," I said. "Anything is possible."_

"_Yeah, but you and I being married and having fifty kids?" he asked questioningly. I just shrugged at the number that I imputed for the fifth value. If it was up to me, he would be driving in a neon pink station wagon, with fifty kids living at the North Pole and working as a shoe salesman. It was the least extreme thing I could think of at the time. _

"_Well, maybe we should get started on that, if you really want your fortune to come true," I said jokingly with a mischievous look. He laughed and pulled me into an embrace, kissing the top of my head._

"_Fifty kids?" he asked once more with a chuckle. "You really want a big family?"_

"_Well… considering we would probably have dozens of pets, we can count them as some of our children," I rationalized. "It would be more or like one or two… three tops."_

"_Okay, I could definitely see that," he responded. _

_We both turned to look at each other in the eyes. It was all fun and games, but something about the prospect of being with him didn't seem so bad. We weren't going to act on our feelings (whatever they really were… it was still so confusing to truly figure it out). We both had wonderful relationships with people who we were very much in love with. But still… there was something there. And no matter how hard we tried, it wouldn't go away._

* * *

Wednesday June 27, 2007  
11:08 AM – Hachette: Editing Floor

"There is no way in Hell that I am letting you print that… or that… and forget about that as well."

A few of the editing floor staffers constantly were shuffling photographs and other paraphernalia that I had encapsulated in my journal the past few months. The journal's pages were already frozen and off to printing, but I (along with the help of some of Hachette's trained professionals) had the task of deciding what else would be included with the book's release. There were many photographs, notes, doodles, and other keepsakes that needed to be sifted through, but I honestly wasn't in the right frame of mind.

Monday the wrestling world was shocked to learn about the death of Chris Benoit and his family. The Live Raw broadcast that night was cancelled and a three hour tribute honoring his career was shown, including random memorials from some of the Superstars. After watching Adam break down during his remembrance, I wanted to immediatley call him. I wanted to hear his voice and talk to him… comfort him. But I couldn't. I had the phone in my hand, the number up on my screen, but unlike a month ago, I couldn't make the call.

Now, only a few days after the tribute aired, the WWE was in an awkward position as new details came out about the actual event. Recanting on their tribute was all well and good, but I still couldn't get the picture of Adam crying out of my mind. And it made me feel even more horrible when I knew that I couldn't speak to him until this whole book fiasco was finished and in the past.

"Ms. Shepherd, what about thi…"

"No!" I screamed at the young college intern in front of me.

He was holding up a picture of me and Jeff from a time he had come over my apartment for a visit. I still remembered that day as if it just happened yesterday. We acted like such kids, but it was one of the best times I ever had in that place. Thinking of it made me miss my old apartment, my old job, and of course my old friends. This whole vanishing act was turning out to be much harder than I originally thought it would be.

Yet now more than ever, I wanted this story to be published. Only a few days after the full story (even though I am not sure if we will ever learn the full, accurate story of what happened) of the Benoit tragedy was enclosed, the WWE was being shot at left and right. First, it was criticizing their three-hour tribute. Okay, so maybe they did jump the gun on that a little, but what were they supposed to do? The Raw broadcast was scheduled to be Mr. McMahon's memorial services (uncanny resemblance to real life if I ever saw one). And then, there was the steroid use that was coming back into play. I just wanted to throw my television out the window when I heard that. Sure, maybe it was a factor, but to point the finger at the WWE for that? Um… hello? What do they think the Wellness Policy is? I have been through the testing myself and I know that it is _very_ thorough.

"So, Ms. Shepherd… how is everything coming along in here?"

I looked up and saw both Mr. Williams and Mrs. Ross standing in the doorway of the boardroom that was taken over by me and my staff. I gave them a small smile and shot a glance to the three staffers who all looked like they had had just about enough of me and my attitude.

"Everything's fine," I muttered as I picked up another photograph. It was one of the pictures that Evelyn had taken of Randy and I when we slept in the same bed right before the Diva Search ended. That seemed like a century ago, but it really was only in late November. Eight months… damn, it felt like forever. "_Definitely not_ using that one."

"Oh, I don't know," Mr. Williams said as he came over and took the photo from my hand. "Didn't you write a long entry about that experience? I think it would be the perfect companion, along with this note."

He pulled Evelyn's note from a stack of papers and handed both that and the photograph to me. I sighed and put them in the "Publish" pile before moving on to the next photo. I quickly shuffled it to the "Reject" pile and moved on. Mr. Williams pulled the photograph from the pile and started to laugh.

"That was a joke," I said, taking the picture of myself clad only in an oversized Randy Orton t-shirt, posing like said Superstar, from Mr. William's hand and putting it back in the "Reject" pile.

"You can't reject every photo," Mrs. Ross said, as she shuffled through a few of the reject photographs herself. "Besides, I would think you would want most of these printed."

I shook my head and continued to look for prospective photographs to print, trying to forget about the others in the room. I was emotionally drained from the past few sleepless nights, trying to convince myself that I was doing the right (and really _only_) thing I could do. I didn't know Chris Benoit all that well. He was on Smackdown and then ECW, and he tended to keep to himself. Yet everyone in the locker room respected him, Adam especially. It got harder and harder by the moment not to pick up the phone and call him.

"Seems like we have a few artistically adept Superstars as well," Mrs. Ross said, as she picked up a few of Jeff's drawings along with a few comic-like sketches that Adam drew for me.

"Yeah… do you want to include them?" I asked, really too depressed and defeated to argue much longer. She nodded her head and placed them on top of the ever-growing publish pile.

I sighed and laid my head down on the table. I just wished that this was over with. At first, I wanted to try and edit what was seen and what was kept for my own private viewing. Yet nothing was going to speak louder than the text itself. No matter how many photos I wanted to shield from the public's eyes, it wouldn't matter because everything was discussed in precise detail in the journal (the one that I originally thought I would be able to edit). The photos were just the icing on the cake.

"So you really want _fifty_ children?" Mr. Williams asked in a sarcastic tone.

I became confused until I sat up in my seat and saw the paper that he was holding in his hands. I quickly took Jeff's fortune from his grasp and tucked it into my shoulder bag. Mr. Williams continued to laugh as I quickly gathered the rest of the photos and threw them in the publish pile. I figured that I had sifted through most of the embarrassing or too private ones. It didn't matter. Nothing really mattered anymore. I took the reject pile in my hands and dropped the photographs and other papers into my shoulder bag.

"Are we finished here?" I asked curtly, looking between both of my bosses.

"Not yet, Shepherd," Mr. Williams said, as he pushed the accepted pile in front of my seat. "We need you to match up the photograph or other item with the exact entry date."

"That's going to take hours, maybe even days," I exclaimed as I looked at the mess of photos in front of me.

"Well, you should have thought of that before you attached them to the journal without proper dating," he said with an annoyed tone.

"You were the one who detached them from all of the pages!" I yelled, standing from my seat. "I can't be expected to remember every day of my stay! And… this is not my fault! I had it perfectly organized in the first place! You're the one who fuc..."

"Calm down, Ms. Shepherd," Mrs. Ross said, coming in between me and Mr. Williams. She waved for the staffers to leave the room, and they did not hesitate in obeying her order. I tried to calm down, but it wasn't working. I was not in the right mindset to begin with and he had gotten on my last working nerve. "We needed to disassemble the journal and its contents to print the pages. No one is to blame, but there is much work to be done."

"Here," Mr. Williams said, as he handed me a manila paperback manuscript. _Confessions of a WWE Diva by Nami Shepherd._ I gave a slight smile as I opened up the book and flipped through the pages. This is what I had waited for all my life- to actually author a book of my own. "Now, remember to date the backs of the photographs this time."

"Edgar, _not now_," Mrs. Ross warned as she led him out of the room, turning to me with a huge smile. "Just have the dated photos on my desk by Monday and everything will be fine."

"Wait, Mrs. Ross," I said, in desperation as she turned to leave the room. She looked back at me with a questioning gaze and I took a deep breath before speaking, trying to keep my voice level. "Would it be possible if I… I mean, could I call… never mind."

She looked at me in confusion before turning around and heading out of the room. I wanted to ask her if I could bend the rules of my contract and call Adam. This was an unforeseen circumstance and I really wanted to be there for him. I cared for him too much not to want to help him deal with things. Yet I couldn't right now, as much as my heart ached. I couldn't... as much as it probably was killing both of us. I just wished it was Fall already.

I started to try and organize the photographs first by memory- figuring that once I had them in order, I could thumb through the manuscript and easily recognize the corresponding date. But I didn't get very far. Just looking at all the smiling happy faces of my former friends (and myself included) made my heart ache in my chest. I gathered everything together and put it in a different compartment of my bag so there would be no confusion about the differing piles. I would do the dating later.

Right now, I needed to talk with someone who could try and understand my situation. I didn't know who to turn to. My father and I were still working through a little bitterness. I didn't realize how much of an impression Adam had made on him. I was happy deep inside, but right now, all I wanted was some support. I still hadn't broken the news to the rest of my extended family. I actually hadn't seen any of them since my family birthday party in early May. And Steven and Danielle were both no help. All they said was that I should just forget about the contract and call him again. I would, if I didn't honestly believe that the story would be shelved or scrapped if I did.

There was only one other person I thought I could turn to: Melanie. She had listened to me ramble constantly over the past few weeks. I didn't want to burden her with more of my blabber, but this was needed for my sanity. I pulled my shoulder bag over my arm and grabbed my manuscript off of the table. I got up from my seat and walked out of the boardroom, heading down the hall toward Melanie's office. When I arrived, I rapped lightly on the closed door, just in case she had company.

"Door's open!"

I cautiously pulled it open and noticed that Melanie was alone, but on the phone. I smiled at the editor and waved. She returned the gesture as I sat down in the seat across from her desk. I set my bag on the empty seat next to me and the manuscript in my lap. It was immediately eyed from across the way and a smile adorned her face.

"Jase, I'm gonna have to call you back," she said into the receiver. "My twelve o'clock has just showed up… uh-huh… goodbye."

"Your twelve o'clock huh?" I asked jokingly. "I really didn't mean to interrupt anything."

"I am actually happy you showed up when you did," she said with a chuckle. "Conversation was dragging to begin with. That guy just doesn't know when to hang-up the phone."

"Personal call?" I asked as she gestured for me to hand her my manuscript.

"Sort of," she said with a smile as she took the book from my outstretched hand. "So, how does it feel to finally see a rough copy in print?"

"Amazing," I commented, knowing that she wanted to get off the topic of her previous conversation. "It still hasn't fully hit me yet cause I have had so many other things on my mind, namely…"

"Adam," she interrupted with a grin, knowing my answer before I was able to finish my statement.

"_How did you know_?" I asked mockingly, as I was fully aware that it was obvious that he was always on my mind. "Anyway, I just… really want to talk to him, you know? It is getting harder and harder not to pick up the phone and call him. I almost did it again today."

"How about if I call him?" she posed with a small smile, putting the closed manuscript on her desk. "You wouldn't be breaking your contract's restrictions then."

"I would if I got on the phone and talked with him," I said with a small sigh.

"At least you would know how he is doing," she responded. I nodded slowly, but still wasn't convinced. It would be too hard not to speak with him if she did. And besides, can we talk about it being a little awkward? It's not like I ever mentioned her to Adam before. Hell, Melanie and I could've hardly been considered friends before a few weeks ago.

"Anyway, I just can't stop thinking about him," I told her in a depressed tone. "Well, not just him… Jeff, and Randy, and John, and Jay, and…"

"And I get the picture," she said with a laugh, before I could finish my list. "I can imagine it is getting even harder to stop your mind from wandering with all that is going on in the wrestling world."

"Yeah, they are constantly on my mind," I muttered. "I can barely get any sleep at night. I can't keep living like this."

"You're right about that," she replied. "The past few weeks you have had a little black raincloud hanging over your head and right now, you are drowning in the water. And I honestly don't think it will clear up until you get rid of all your bottled up feelings… and I don't mean by talking to me."

"Yeah, I know," I murmured, realizing that there was truth in her awkward metaphor.

I needed to find a way to come to terms with everything. But there really was no solution in sight. It was a total lose-lose situation. Before we could continue our conversation anymore, Melanie's office phone began to ring. She shot me an apologetic look before picking up the receiver.

"Hachette Book Group, Melanie Murray speaking," she said politely into the phone. "Oh hi Miran… he's here? What is it this time?"

I furrowed my brow at the change in her demeanor and wondered if I should go. Yet when I made a move to stand, she gestured me back into my seat. After a few more minutes of her talking on the phone with presumably Miranda, the editing department's chief secretary, Melanie hung up the phone in a huff.

"I knew that this would happen," she muttered, as she gathered a few papers from a folder and stood up.

"Something wrong?" I asked, as I grabbed my bag and manuscript and followed her lead by standing. She just shook her and walked around her desk toward the door.

"Take my advice Nam and _never _go into editing," she said with a bitter chuckle, opening the door for me.

We both left the room and started to walk silently down the hallway, turning the corner to head toward the elevators. Just when I was about to ask her once more about the nature of her phone call, we were startled by a shout from behind us.

"Melanie, we need to talk!"

I thought that I recognized the voice from somewhere, but couldn't place it. That was until I turned around. My mouth almost fell open in shock as I took in the sharply-dressed, muscularly built, blond at the end of the hallway. Melanie shouted something to him, but I couldn't make out the words. My mind was running in circles, especially when I noticed that he hadn't taken his eyes off of my form and there was a sense of recognition in his expression.

I knew at that moment, my secret was out.


	50. I Know You'll Act As A Clever Medicine

A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. Dialogue and matches taken from the 4/9/07 Raw broadcast. I want to thank everyone who has read, added, and reviewed. Some of the reviews last time really touched me and I thank you all for them - Inday, xxHungryeyesxx, nicole, Fozzy-Floozy, WWEAngel, KaraAlissa, purplefeather21 (thanks for the double love!!), Hatter.Zombie.ate.your.brains, Farra Sti, Hello-mrs.-Rita, SkyyRyder, and mwentzcena!! You all rock my world and make me want to continue this story (and are also the reason for my flip-flopping views of how I want to end this thing). Thanks a million for all of the support as it keeps me writing. Peace and Love!!

* * *

_Monday April 9, 2007  
9:25 PM - Raw in Bridgeport, Connecticut_

_Mickie's outstretched hand slapped mine and I quickly ducked under the ropes and into the ring. Our tag match with Melina and Victoria was almost over. After I started off the match, Mickie had taken the brunt of the attack and had been doing so for the past few minutes. I charged into the ring and quickly hit Victoria to the mat. I looked toward the ring apron and stared at Melina. She taunted me from beyond the ropes in her usual shrieking manner. I looked away from her and toward the crowd with a grin before charging at my rival and knocking her off the apron to the mat below._

_I didn't have time to taunt the fallen Melina as I looked behind me, just in time to get an elbow to the face from Victoria. I fell to the mat, quickly rolling away from her when she tried to grab my hair to pull me to my feet. I pushed myself up and went to throw her into the turnbuckle. Yet her being the stronger of the two, reversed the move sending me back first into the ring post. I didn't brace myself well enough and the padded top turnbuckle rammed into the back of my neck. I grimaced in pain, but knew that I needed to continue. There was only a minute of the match left anyway._

_It was times like this when I forgot that this wasn't my real occupation. I would become so enthralled in the action and my part in it that my real reason for being in this very ring would become clouded. Yet once the pain set in and all of the sacrifices that my friends went through, all of the thoughts about doing this for a living were wiped clear from my mind. I didn't know how the wrestlers did this year in and year out._

_Victoria advanced on my prone form in the corner, but I kicked her in the stomach before she could attack. I knew that the time had come for me to do my first difficult move of my career. I had practiced the hurricanrana for the past few months, but never used it in a match. Well, tonight was the night. I took a deep breath as I saw Victoria coming toward me once more. I reached behind me and grabbed the top rope on either side of the ring post. I took one more deep breath before pulling myself up and straddling my legs around her neck. I felt her wrap her arms around my legs and knew that it was time to let go of the ropes. I pushed up and let the momentum take me._

_With Victoria's help, the move was executed to the best of my ability. It was definitely not as graceful and quickly performed as could have been done by a veteran, but at least I didn't mess it up. I didn't really have time to celebrate my achievement. I crawled over and pulled Victoria into a pin. Before the referee could even slam his hand on the mat a second time, I saw Melina enter the ring. I got up off of Victoria and headed over to attack her. We both exchanged a few blows to the head before I was once again able to push her out of the way._

_When I turned back around, Victoria had recovered from my earlier attack and was on the offensive. After a few shots to the head, Victoria stepped back and was ready to deliver a superkick. I quickly ducked out of the way and chopped her from behind, causing her to fall onto the mat. Yet before I could capitalize on her predicament, Melina came back into the ring. She grabbed me from behind as Victoria stumbled to her feet._

"_Remember to use your left leg."_

_I had to stop myself from laughing at Melina's whisper and slightly nodded in response. I lifted up my left leg and kicked Victoria slightly in the jaw causing her to stumble back. Melina pushed me forward, ready to attack. But before she could, Mickie came into the ring and did a spinning wheel kick to ground her once more._

"_This is for you Jay."_

_Victoria stumbled over my way and I hastily dodged her lunging attack. I got behind her and grabbed both of her arms above the elbow. I exhaled the breath that I didn't even realize I was holding and swung her around. When I knew that I had the hold locked in well enough and that she was in the correct downward-facing position, I jumped up slightly and fell into a sitting position. Victoria sold the inverted underhook facebuster (a slight innovation of Jay's Unprettier) and I quickly rolled her up for the pin and victory._

_Mickie made her way back into the ring, but my focus was concentrated on Melina outside of the ring. She grabbed her title belt and held it to her, all the while screaming at how I would never get it from her. That was most likely true, but I couldn't act like that. I just grinned back at the champ. The referee rose my and Mickie's hands up in victory. We hugged each other in celebration before sliding out of the ring and heading up the ramp, with Melina still brewing on the outside. The Titantron flashed to a graphic, promoting the number one contender's match later in the night so we knew we were in the clear of the camera._

"_You okay?" Mickie asked, as she saw me bring my hand up to the back of my neck._

"_I just hit it a little hard," I muttered with a small smile. "No big deal."_

"_I'm sure Adam will be able to help you out with that one," she said with a small grin. I shoved her arm playfully to the side as we made it to the top of the stage. We both turned around and waved to the fans on either side of the arena before ducking through the curtain. "I'll see you later Nam. Tell lover boy I say 'hi.'"_

"_Very funny," I muttered as she scampered down the stairs and back toward the locker rooms._

_I hadn't seen Adam yet today. Jeff and I got here a little later than we would have liked. By the time we arrived, Adam was in a meeting to go over his segment for the night. Then I had to go to a meeting about my own match as well as a meeting with Matt and Jeff for theirs. I wasn't going to be playing any part whatsoever in the tag match against The World's Greatest Tag Team tonight, but I still liked to be clued in as to what was going to happen. After both of those meetings were over, I had to hustle into my wrestling attire and makeup as the Divas tag match was the first match of the night._

"_You looked great out there."_

_I smiled as I went over and quickly embraced Jeff. He had kept me calm throughout the whole day (as I was nervous about some of the spots in my match) and even walked me to the curtain. I figured that he never left and watched the match right here. He kissed my temple lightly when we both pulled back._

"_I did alright," I muttered. "Tweaked my neck a little bit though."_

"_When you did the hurricanrana?" he asked as we walked arm in arm down the steps away from the gorilla position. "I thought it looked fine."_

"_Yeah, it was before that," I said with a laugh. "Turnbuckle to neck… not so fun."_

"_Need some ice?" he asked with a small chuckle. I detangled my arm from his to shove him away from me playfully causing more laughter. "Hey, watch it darlin'. I still have a match."_

"_Yeah, a three minute match," I muttered teasingly as he came back to my side and replaced his arm in mine. "And isn't your brother doing the brunt of the work… uh-huh, that's what I thought."_

"_Someone is a little feisty tonight," he murmured into my ear as we made it to his assigned room for the night. _

_He opened the door and I quickly entered. I waved to the rest of the congregation of guys before grabbing my dress for the Hardys match and rushing into the small bathroom. I quickly stripped off my ring attire and boots and pulled the lacy fabric onto my form. I reached around and zipped up the dress before staring at my reflection in the mirror. The dress fell right above my knee and was pretty much my standard dress for all of my valeting gigs. It was a hunter green halter dress covered with black lace. I smiled as I touched up my makeup and slipped into my ballet flats. It was the fast wardrobe change I could manage._

_I threw my ring attire on top of my bag as I exited the bathroom. I quickly shouted goodbyes to everyone as I headed to the door._

"_Meemz, what's the rush?" Matt asked as I threw the door open and was about to head out of it._

"_I'm gonna try to catch Adam before Randy's match," I said with a smile, knowing that my boyfriend was going to be interfering. It wasn't really for Randy's sake, more along the line that he saw himself as being the choice for the number one contender._

"_Think you're a little late for that," Carlito said as he walked passed me through the door I was still holding open. "Orton's match is about to start."_

_I sighed and let the door fall shut. Jeff patted a seat next to him on the bench as conversations started up about the previous match. Carlito and Ric Flair lost to Cade and Murdoch in a number one contender's match for the Hardys' titles. I figured that the match would be at Backlash, but I wasn't sure yet. There wasn't that much focus on the tag team division on Raw these days. Everything was either focused on the WWE Championship or Mr. McMahon's own storyline._

_I settled down right next to Jeff and started to watch Randy's match against Shawn. It was nice to see Shawn using his "Sexy Boy" music again, signifying that this DX reunion was officially a thing of the past once again. That might change when Triple H came back some time in the Summer, but for now, it looked like Rated RKO outlasted DX… but just barely._

_Jeff wrapped his arm around my form and I laid my head down upon his shoulder. I smiled as I saw Adam walking down the ramp and a distracted Randy Orton in the ring. I watched in silence as the match continued on as the other men in the room continued to have conversations around me. Jeff was lightly tracing circles on my exposed thigh, but I barely felt it. My mind was focused on Adam and how I couldn't __wait to see him. After Randy hit an RKO on Shawn on the outside of the ring, Shelton stood up and came in front of the screen._

"_Match is almost over," he said with a smile, more directed my way. "We could all head down there and…"_

"_That's a great idea," I said, jumping up from my seat. He chuckled slightly as Charlie rose as well. I looked at both of the Hardy brothers. They shook their heads with simultaneous sighs as they rose as well. "What? It's not like you don't have to head over there. Your match is next."_

"_We know," Matt said jokingly. "Just… do you really think we want to see the lovefest that is going to occur when you and Copeland see each other? I mean, how long has it been… three days? I'm surprised you're still breathing."_

"_Hey everyone, look: sarcasm," I said flatly with a very small smile. I knew he was only teasing, but even his joke was laced with a hint of truth. "And it's been three and a half days."_

_The room fell into slight laughter. I looked around at the congregation of Superstars in a slight huff. I turned back to the now standing Jeff and saw him exchange a look of slight disgust with Nitro._

"_What was that look for?" I asked as Jeff spun to look at me._

"_What look?" he said gleefully._

_I looked toward John who just shrugged at Jeff's forced change in demeanor. I knew that the two of them had talked earlier as I had found them deep in discussion when I returned from the wardrobe department. Yet as soon as I came into the locker room, they split apart and neither would talk about what they had discussed. I figured that now was a good chance to try and bring it up, but it looked like Jeff just wanted to ignore it. Figures._

"_There so was a look," I said as the five of us 'next match participants' exited the locker room. I turned to Shelton as he walked through the door. "Wasn't there a look?"_

"_I saw no look," he responded with a slight laugh, as if he couldn't believe that I was still dwelling on this issue. _

_It seemed pretty trivial, but things seemed to be so perfect right now in my life and I didn't want anything to mess it up. After yesterday, I thought that Jeff and I were in a great place. Yet now, I was again thrown into limbo. I guess that I should've been used to that._

"_Ugh, I hate you all," I muttered to none of the four men in particular as I scampered ahead of all of them._

"_Dramatic much?" I heard Matt mutter behind me. _

_I just shook off his mocking comment and continued to make my way back to the gorilla position. I ran up the steps and saw that the match had been just called a draw. The camera showed Adam on the ramp, __quite pleased with the results as it meant he was back in the hunt for the number one contendership. I saw the camera cut and knew the broadcast had went to a commercial._

_I smiled as I saw the curtain swing apart and Adam step through. He didn't see me right away, so I was able to take him by surprise. I closed the small distance to his form and before he could react, my lips were already attached to his. It took some doing because of the big height difference, but with me on my toes, I was able to reach. He quickly intensified the kiss while wrapping both of his arms around my waist, making sure that there was little to no distance between us._

"_Get a room."_

_Both Adam and I chuckled as I slid back down to my flat feet, breaking our passionate greeting. Randy smirked as he pulled me into a small hug, laughing at my groan from being in contact with his sweaty mass. I knew that was the sole purpose for his small display of affection. He continued chuckling as he made his way back toward the locker room, as he had to get dressed and ready for the Cutting Edge segment that was taking place right after the tag match. I didn't know exactly how much time he would have to get changed, but it wasn't like Randy ever wore that much clothing in the ring to begin with._

"_Don't you have to get ready as well?" I asked as Adam pulled me close to him once more, placing light kisses down the length of my neck. "It is your segment after all."_

"_Not really," he muttered, as he seemed to be not really interested in talking. I looked up at him and was about to continue speaking, yet was silenced by his lips crashing down upon mine. I smiled and once again brought my hands up to entangle themselves in his hair._

"_Ahem."_

_Adam and I reluctantly pulled apart once more as Charlie, Shelton, Matt, and Jeff all piled into the small area. He placed a light kiss on my cheek before shooting all four men a slight glance and heading down the steps. I turned and watched him walk away with a sigh. Yet the sound of laughter brought me back to the present._

"_You've got it bad," Shelton said with a grin as he gestured to my lovesick demeanor. My smile just widened as I nodded my head in agreement. I saw Matt roll his eyes and I lightly whacked him on the back of his head. He just grinned at me as Shelton and Charlie were cued to head out._

"_Both of you stay safe," I told the brothers, as I did my nightly ritual of wishing them well and kissing them both on the cheek. _

_They both just smiled and nodded their heads, used to my worried yet doting nature. The first few strains of the Hardys theme blared through the arena and the two brothers headed out first. I waited as I always did until the pyrotechnics had gone off and joined them on stage. I took Jeff's outstretched hand with a smile as he pulled me close to him and kissed me lightly on the lips. Both he and Matt then charged down the ramp toward the ring to pose for the crowd before the match began. I did my usual thing of taking __my time down the ramp and making it to the ring apron just in time for the match to begin. Both Matt and Jeff handed their belts to me as Matt decided to start the match off._

_I couldn't concentrate fully on the match. My mind was still stuck on a certain blond Canadian backstage. Last Thursday was our unofficial five month anniversary. He still attests that we were never actually broken up so our original anniversary date still stands. I couldn't really argue with him because if he didn't want to acknowledge the time we were apart, I wouldn't either. It was hard to believe that it had really been five months. In a weird way, these past five months (six if you count the beginning of the Diva Search) had gone by in the blink of an eye. _

_Yet November seemed so far away. I could hardly remember what it felt like to be in the Diva Search. It reminded me that I really hadn't spoken to Evelyn or Carly in the longest time. We were the Terrific Trio during the Search, but now it seemed like I stood alone. I knew that both of them were signed with the WWE and working in one of the farm systems, yet that was the extent of my knowledge. I had been so busy in my personal problems to try to preserve all of my previous friendships._

_I continued to cheer and yell for the Hardys as my mind was running in circles. So many memories were flashing behind my eyes and it was truly numbing. So much had transpired in such a short amount of time. I was not the same person I was in October and knew that even when this life was behind me, I couldn't go back to the way things once were. I didn't know if I was changed for the better, but I certainly wasn't the same. The old Nami Shepherd would never have been able to do this night after night. Before the Diva Search, I hated even having my picture taken at family functions. I wasn't really fond of being in the spotlight and liked my humdrum desk job. Things were slightly askew now. It's not like I thrived in the spotlight, but it didn't bother me all that much. I loved to hear the roar of the crowd and could see how this business could become addicting._

_I didn't even realize that the match was over until the Hardys theme started up and I noticed both of the brothers standing in victory inside the ring. I smiled and walked up the steel steps as Jeff sat on the second rope to help me through. He pulled me into an embrace and kissed me on the lips a little more deeply than I would have liked. I pulled back and kept the smile on my face even though I was searching for an answer with my eyes. He just smiled back at me as he took his belt off of my right shoulder. Matt came over and gave me a small hug before taking his belt as well. The three of us smiled for the crowd and camera, waiting for the broadcast to go to a commercial._

_We walked up the ramp in near silence. Jeff and Matt continued to acknowledge the fans but I kept my eyes focused on the top of the stage. I thought that Jeff and I had made some progress in dealing with things. Yesterday was a huge step in the right direction as we were able to just goof off and act like our normal 'best friend' selves. Yet today, he acted once again like a scorned lover, who was still trying to win his way back into my heart. He already owned a big piece of it, but not exactly in the way he seemed to want it. It was beyond confusing, but there was no sense addressing it. Jeff would just dodge my attempt to get to the bottom of things per usual._

"_Good match, guys."_

_Adam's comment was responded by slight nods in recognition from both Hardys before they made a hasty retreat down the steps. He just shrugged his shoulders at me as he held out his hand for me to take. I knew that he was trying as much as humanly possible to get along with my friends (and his former ones) and it meant the world to me. Now, if only it could work the other way around? Jeff and Adam seemed like they were making actual progress a week ago at Wrestlemania, but what a difference a few days make._

_I smiled up at him and leant up for a kiss, but he quickly dodged my attempt. I frowned slightly at him, but he just laughed, bringing our entwined hand up to his lips and kissing my knuckle._

"_I never got to tell you how amazing you looked out there tonight in the ring," he said with a huge smile. I had been in other matches before, only a few were televised. But tonight was the first night that I actually got some quality spots and time… and I actually enjoyed it (even if my neck was still slightly throbbing). "Jay called right after, bragging that you used his finisher instead of mine."_

"_Is that so?" I murmured with a grin. He nodded his head before finally succumbing to desire and bringing his lips to mine._

"_Isn't this exactly how I left you two the last time?"_

_We broke apart and turned to Randy with identical grins on our faces. I pulled fully away from Adam as his music was about to begin. He gave me a quick kiss on the top of the head before heading to the curtain and out on the stage. I turned to Randy and noticed that his attire had not changed at all since the last time I had saw him. He was just less sweaty._

"_I think I could say the same thing to you," I said, gesturing to him still only clad in his trunks and boots._

"_Didn't really have time to get changed since Hardy's match lasted what - two minutes?" he asked in a sardonic, rhetorical manner._

"_It was over three," I murmured as he walked by me with his usual smirk._

_I waved to Shawn as I headed down the stairs and out of the way of the technicians. I smiled as I saw the Champ round the corner and head this way. We didn't have much time to talk so we barely shared more than a quick hug as a greeting. He quickly dashed up the stairs and I knew that I would have to head back to the locker room quickly if I wanted to see most of segment. By the time I did make it back, John was already in the ring. _

"_Did I miss much?" I asked Jeff, as I took a seat next to him in front of the screen. I noticed that many of previous occupants of the room had dispersed, including Matt. Really only John and Jeff looked like they were going to be staying for a while, as Shelton was almost out the door with Carlito following suit._

"_Wasn't really paying attention," he muttered with an unreadable expression on his face._

_I lightly grasped onto one of his braids and tugged it. He turned to me in annoyance, but had to break into a smile at the faux pout that adorned my features. I lightly kissed him on the cheek before turning my attention to the screen for the first time. And even though I wasn't looking his way, I could tell that Jeff's gaze still lingered upon me._

"This whole thing has gone horribly wrong," _John said in the ring as Randy, Adam, and Shawn stood off to the side. _"We're supposed to be out here talking about the WWE Championship and all you've guys been doing is… and you're out here talking about each other's packages."

"_I guess I missed a lot," I mused, more to myself than anyone in the room._

"_Yeah, you did," Jeff muttered under his breath, in a tone that suggested that he wasn't just speaking about what was happening in the ring. I looked over to him as he stood up and grabbed his bag from a locker. "I'm going to head out for the night; have an early flight back home tomorrow."_

"_Okay," I murmured. "You have a place to stay or need a ride… or something?"_

"_I'm staying with Matt," he answered curtly. He leaned down and placed a light kiss on my lips before whispering a goodbye in my ear. He waved to John before exiting. I frowned at his distant behavior, but couldn't do anything about it now._

"And from apparently what I've heard, all Edge does with his is beat it," _John said, continuing his speech directed to the three other Superstars in the ring. _"Randy… Randy's never had one in the first place. And Shawn… Shawn's just really unhappy about what he's got."

"_Well, I'm heading out too," Nitro said as he rose from his seat. "Got to try and get some rest before the European trip."_

"_Yeah, tell me about it," I muttered, half-heartedly watching the segment on the screen. I watched as he came over and took Jeff's vacated seat next to me. John and I really weren't all that close. I knew a lot about him from talking with Melina, but it wasn't like we ever really had any one on one time. Yet he was one of the most caring people that I had met in the locker room and I respected that a lot._

"_You alright?" he asked as I pulled my attention from the still speaking John Cena in the ring. I looked around and noticed that we were the only two left in the locker room._

"_It's just some… personal stuff that I've been dealing with the past few weeks," I muttered as I turned to look at him with a shrug of the shoulders._

"_Try months," he said jokingly with a laugh. "For being the newbie, you sure know how to cause drama backstage."_

"_It would seem that way wouldn't it?" I muttered rhetorically. "I thought I had things figured out, but with Jeff… it seems that I never will be able to. I feel like I get him completely, but honestly... I have no fucking clue what he is thinking some times. And if I try asking about it, well, let's just say it is next to impossible to get a blunt answer from him. 'Cause to him, anything is possible so there is never a black or a white."_

"_I know what you're saying," John said with a small frown. "You're always stuck in a gray area and you think that things are working out perfectly, but then you wake up one morning and realize that everything you thought was real was a lie. Well, maybe not a lie, but it definitely wasn't the full truth. And __you try to just push it to the back of your mind, but it is always lingering there until one day, you just snap."_

"_Sounds like we aren't just speaking about my problems anymore," I said, knowing that his speech was based around his own personal experiences with Melina. "But yeah… that is exactly how I feel. Like yesterday, we…"_

_I stopped speaking as I realized that John was just one more Superstar in a list of many that I was about to confide in. One more person that I would open myself up to and cross the line into being more than just a co-worker._

"_You can go on," he said with a small smile, as he lightly took his hand in mine in a comforting gesture. "It helps some times to talk about things. Besides, I sort of owe you one."_

"_Huh?" I asked, genuinely confused at what he could mean by that statement._

"_I know that you were there for Mel when we were going through some bad times," he said with a smile. "She's still my best friend and I love her with all my heart. I just needed time to come to terms with everything that happened and how our relationship was going to change. I should've known that it wasn't going to last, but… I tried to stay mad as long as I could."_

"_May I ask why?" I queried after he didn't respond right away to his rather odd claim._

"_I knew that once I stopped being mad at her, the pain of losing her… let's just say, I knew that it was going to hurt," he said, trying to laugh off the pain that he still obviously felt. "Once I stopped being mad, I did hurt. And once the pain of losing her started, I could no longer make myself mad. I know that it sounds bizarre, but… let's just hope you never have to go through it. 'Cause once you finally let go and stop all the bitter feelings you once felt, you can never get it back. It is like the last real thread that holds what your relationship once was has finally been cut. I tried to hold out as long as I could, but in the end, I knew I needed my best friend back. I couldn't keep hating her for falling out of love with me because all I ever wanted was for her to be happy."_

"_Damn, I definitely know who I am coming to for pep talks from now on," I said with a chuckle, in awe of how well he summed up what I was struggling with inside, even though it was directed at his own experience. "But let's face it- I have previously been taking dating advice from Randy Orton so…"_

"_Yeah, anything is probably a step up from that," he said, responding to my sarcastic remark. "So… before we got this sidetracked, you were talking about yesterday?"_

"_Yeah… as you can probably tell, Jeff and I have a really weird relationship," I said, trying to explain the unexplainable intricacies that make up our friendship. "We first started out as friends and then I liked him as more than what we were. After that, I think he developed feelings for me, but I was with Adam. But then Adam and I spilt and I sort of went back to liking Jeff again, but he was in a relationship. And now, I'm back with Adam and Jeff is still in his own relationship… but there is just something that is holding our friendship down. And I think it is the feelings that I once felt. I know that I probably lost you with my whole personal track record the past few months, but that is really how confusing it has been- probably even more so."_

"_And now? You have no romantic feelings at all for Jeff?" he asked._

"_I don't really know," I said with a blank look on my face and a slight shrug. "I wish I had an answer, but I don't. Yesterday, I had the best time just hanging out with him in my apartment. Yet even there, in our moments of true friendship, I could see that there was something more. I don't want to keep dwelling on it and I wish I didn't have to, but Jeff… he won't exactly let me move away from it. I want closure. I want things to be black and white… no weird gray area like you were describing before. But I can tell you one thing for certain: I am in love with Adam. This thing between me and Jeff… I don't know what it is and where it fits in the full scheme of things."_

"_Sounds like you and Jeff need to try and sort all of this out before it gets worse than it is," John said as we both turned to the monitor when we realized that the segment had ended and the broadcast had gone to a commercial. So much for watching my boyfriend in the ring._

"_You think it is really that bad?" I asked as we both stood and gathered our things together._

"_Bad: no… not yet anyway," he said. "Jeff and I were talking earlier, not really about your relationship, but I can tell you that he is trying to think things through. I know that he says he loves Beth and all, but words are only that if there is no feeling behind them. I really couldn't tell where his heart was when he spoke. He just seems a little lost."_

"_Yeah, well he can join the club," I said with a sardonic chuckle. "I think we even have jackets."_

"_Things will work themselves out," he said, sounding pretty sure of his words. "Can't hide your feelings for too long in this locker room. Everything catches up to everyone sooner rather than later."_

"_That's for sure," I muttered as we both grabbed our packed bags and headed toward the door. "High school drama all over again."_

"_Yeah, just with a lot more sex, lies, and at least the drinking is now legal," he responded, holding the door open for me._

"_So very true," I mused as we both stopped walking once we reached the main hallway. I figured that I should go and try find Adam. He would probably be wanting to leave as the show was almost over. And no one really needed to stick around for the Shane McMahon-Bobby Lashley match. "Thanks again… for listening to me. I really needed it."_

"_Don't mention it," he said as he pulled me into a quick hug. "I better let go or your boyfriend might think that he has more than one guy after his girl."_

_I laughed as we pulled back, looking over my shoulder to see an approaching John, Randy, and Adam. We bid each other farewell as he headed out to the parking lot and I, back down the hallway toward my other friends. It seemed like I was always going to be stuck in the middle of some void that I would never escape. Two ways pulling me in total opposite directions, but in the end I knew that my path would not __be either of them. It would be one that wasn't even on the course yet; one that I would have to chart all by myself._

* * *

Friday June 29, 2007  
6:11 PM

"You might want to take it a little slower, babe."

I swiveled around in my seat and sent a slight glare Danielle's way, as I downed the rest of the contents in my beer bottle. I slammed the empty bottle down on the bar, waving the bartender back over to order another. I needed something to take my mind off of the horrific week I was having. Things started out horrid and it was ending the same way.

"Who knew that Chris Jericho would actually show up at the office?" Danielle asked in a rhetorical yet somewhat teasing manner. "And even more of a conundrum is that it happened to be at the exact time that _you_ were in his line of view. I would say fate is working toward a reconciliation. If only you had stuck around long enough to talk to him."

It had been two days since the incident at Hachette, but I still couldn't get the image out of my mind. One of Adam's best friends knew where I was. I never met Chris, but sure as Hell had heard a lot about him. I knew the first thing Chris would do: tell Adam where he could find me. So much for contract regulations… so much for my book!

Now finally, the week was over and I could try and unwind. And what better way than getting absolutely plastered while trying to forget that it ever happened? I had yet to hear from Adam. I had changed my cell phone number once more after our last conversation. I didn't know if he would try and contact me again, even though his words made it quite clear that he was relenting (at least for the moment). But I was once told that words are only words and it is the feeling that matters. Not only was John the Shaman of Sexy, but also 'Sensibility'. And even now, some of his theories still plagued my thoughts and I can finally see the truth in his words.

"Earth to Nami!" Danielle said as she tapped me on the forehead. "You've only been out of work for an hour, so I know there is no way you could be drunk already."

"Just leave me alone Dani," I muttered as the bartender brought me over my third beer of the night. "I just need some time to think."

"I think _that_ is your problem," she said as she stood up from her own stool and gathered her things together. "You think way too much and look what it is driving you to. A liquid meal is not the best thing for your sanity right now, but hey… I'm not going to even try and stop you! I wash my hands of this whole thing."

"About time," I muttered over my shoulder as she retreated from the area.

I brought the bottle to my lips and downed as much as I could in one gulp. I set it back down with a loud pound on the wood. I closed my eyes and tried to think about better times that didn't have to do with the past nine months, but it was hard to do. After spending the past few days going through countless photos and reading my own words on the printed page, I was stuck in that time.

I let my head fall onto the wood of the bar in front of me in total mental exhaustion. This just didn't seem to be my week. I felt the stool next to me become occupied once more and figured that Danielle had come back to bitch me out some more. I raised my head and looked over at where I presumed she would be. But my mouth fell open in surprise. Yeah… this _definitely_ was _not _my week.

"You're… you," I muttered, as I tried to make sense as to how this could have happened. How many bars are there in New York City and he happened to walk into this one?

"Yes, I am _me_," he said with a chuckle. "But I prefer Chris Jericho… or Irvine; whichever you prefer."

I pulled my gaze from his and focused on the bottle in front of me. I put it to my lips and in essence tried to drown more than just my sorrows in the bitter liquid. I felt his hand come up to the bottle and pull it away from my lips. He set it down on the bar once more with a small chuckle.

"Am I your surrogate Randy Orton or something?" he asked with a grin. I turned to look at him once more, with even more amazement shining in my eyes.

"How did you…" I asked as Chris ordered a beer for himself.

"Contrary to popular belief, guys _do_ talk about their personal lives," he responded, taking a swig of his own beer. "Especially when someone is as important to them as you were to Adam."

I looked away from him at the mention of Adam's name and grasped my bottle in my hands. I nervously started to pick away at the label as I tried to think about how exactly I should go about speaking with Chris. Now that he brought up Adam, it would seem logical that that should be where the conversation would head. I didn't know if I was ready for that yet. I knew a lot about Chris, but I didn't know what he knew about me. It was a really awkward situation and one that I knew I couldn't run away from. I had already tried that and still it seemed like fate was working toward us really meeting. But it still brought up the question…

"What are you doing here?" I blurted out, before I could even try to phrase it better. "It's not like… it's just that this is really unexpected… and sort of creepy."

"Let me set your mind at ease right off the bat: I'm not stalking you or anything like that," he said with a laugh as I was forced to look at him once more.

"Actually, that thought really never entered my mind, but now that you say it…"

"Melanie told me you would be here," he said before I could finish my statement.

"Oh," I said curtly, looking away from him once more; thinking about all the possible ways I could throttle the editor on Monday for doing this to me.

I had told Melanie about my lackluster plans for the night over lunch when I declined her offer to go see some new Broadway show with her. I really wasn't in the right frame of mind for anything but this… well, this _minus_ the Chris Jericho part. The only part I really could handle was the drinking (at least I could pretend that I could handle it), and I was getting really distracted from that aspect of my evening.

"Yeah, and I thought seeing how we never were formally introduced…" Chris posed with a questioning tone, breaking me from my thoughts about my half empty bottle.

"You would just show up and expect that I could actually open up to you?" I asked, refusing to look his way.

"Maybe something like that, but… maybe I just wanted to meet the infamous Nami Shepherd I have heard _oh so much_ about," he said.

"I can tell you that I probably don't live up to any of your expectations," I murmured, taking a swig of my now lukewarm beverage. I grimaced and put it back down, turning to look at my companion once more. He had a slight smile on his handsome features and it made me loosen up a little.

"Well, I'm more of a _seeing is believing_ type," he said with a grin. "But I never thought that I was actually going to get the chance to meet you. According to Adam, it was as if you had fallen off the face of the Earth. But what do you know: _here you are_, working for the same company that you had told him you worked for in the past. You know how to disappear _so well_. Too bad that he seemingly has the common sense of a three-year-old as he couldn't figure out where to begin his search."

"He remembered?"

"He told me awhile ago," he said with a shrug. "Guess it stuck with me considering that my book was being published by the same firm."

"I can see that," I muttered, taking another sip from the bottle before I realized the reason that I had stopped. Chris laughed and swapped bottles. I gave him a questioning look as he raised the bottle to his lips and drank some with no grimace at all. It sort of reminded me of Adam, which caused a frown to appear on my face. "So… um, how is he?"

"And by _he_, I am presuming you mean Adam?" he asked with a look that implied that he was waiting for our conversation to get around to this topic. "He's… still a little emotionally fucked up. It's not all your doing. Things were actually getting better and then this week came and Chris…"

He trailed off, but I knew where he was trying to head. I just nodded my head in understanding, wordlessly telling Chris that he didn't need to speak about the Benoit situation if he didn't want to. He had been addressing the issue the past few days on various news broadcasts, some of which I had actually seen. He was probably sick of defending the WWE and trying to remember his friend as the man he knew.

"Yeah, this week has totally reeked of _suckitude_," I said, trying to pull his thoughts from the bad place that they were centered on.

"Good to see that the business hasn't totally left you," he remarked, most likely speaking about my choice of vocabulary. "Can't say that I am really surprised. Once you are a part of it, it's hard to let go. Even if it is only writing about it."

"How did you know?" I asked hastily, thinking that he was speaking about my upcoming book.

"Know what?" he asked in a confused tone. "Know that I am writing a book? I think that it would be hard for me not to know about it since I wrote it."

"Oh fuck," I muttered as I drank the rest of the liquid in my bottle. "I really should learn to keep my mouth shut."

"Care to explain?" he asked, concern and intrigue laced in his tone.

"Not really, but I think someone deserves to know the truth," I said as I reached underneath my stool and pulled my manuscript from my bag. I handed it to him and saw as he regarded it with a slightly surprised expression.

"Well, I'll be damned," he said as he flipped open the book and started reading random pages. After a few moments, he set the manuscript back down on the bar and finished off his own bottle. He turned to me and I was sort of shocked at the smile I found on his lips. "I really shouldn't be so surprised. When Adam told me that you used to work at Hachette, I immediately thought that it sounded a little suspicious. But he said you quit so that sort of set things…"

"I did quit, you know?" I interrupted. "I chose Adam over the job that was suffocating me at that moment."

"So what happened from _that moment_ to now?" he asked in a slight sardonic manner.

"Life," I said definitively and a little bit on the defensive of my own actions. "I couldn't keep pretending I was something other than myself. So when Vince offered me a long-term contract, I walked away."

"And this?" Chris asked as he picked up my manuscript once more. "How does this fit in?"

"That…" I said before stopping short of giving him an answer. I could keep up with the lies and fabricate some story about that happening after I got back… just publishing my personal journal throughout the whole term. It wouldn't be a total lie, but it would be the truth either. Or I could do the right thing and for once in this whole catastrophe that had become my existence try and be honest about my feelings and my actions. "_That_ is the whole reason I was in the WWE to begin with. The whole time, I was there just to get a story. Mind you the content of said story has changed from the original concept of a total corporate takedown."

"Mind if I read it?" he asked, hardly affected by my response.

"I guess it would be only fair," I said with a smile. "I've already read yours."

"Is that so?" he said with a grin. "And?"

"I think if you ever need a job, I would be happy to recommend you as part of the Hachette family," I said as I got up off of my stool, pulling my shoulder bag onto my vacated seat. I pulled out my wallet and threw a few bills on the bar to pay for our tab (as I did sort of drink his beer as well). He smiled and got up as well, taking my manuscript in his hand.

"So I must say that you are exactly how I thought you would be," he said as we made our way out of the bar. "And don't worry about me telling Adam about all of this. What he doesn't know won't hurt him… well, actually it probably would, but it seemed like the appropriate cliche line to say."

"Yeah," I said, laughing as I leaned up against the façade of the building. "I thank you for that."

"Don't mention it," he said with a shrug. "I don't really want to be the one to tell him what you are up to anyway."

"Just read it before you jump to any real conclusion about things," I said with a sigh as I started to walk away and back toward my apartment.

"Hey, wait!" he exclaimed from behind me.

Before I knew it, Chris was walking right along my side. We continued to walk with only the sounds of a busy Manhattan street as our soundtrack. I didn't know what else he wanted from me, but was too lost in my own thoughts to think about asking. Our meeting didn't go exactly like I had planned it would. He really did set my mind at ease when he said that this incident would remain between us. I didn't really need anything else to constantly ponder while lying awake at night. He seemed trustworthy enough and I was happy that I was finally able to get some things out in the open (if only to be still hidden).

"So, is there any reason that you are still following me or are you just out for some air?" I asked, as we were almost a few blocks away from my apartment.

"Maybe a little bit of both," he responded. "I've been cooped up in television studios and publishing offices all day trying to explain things that I don't fully understand myself. And… I don't know. I just figured that if you wanted to talk about stuff that maybe I do understand, I could be here for you."

"No one seems to care to listen to my side of things," I mused, relating my past experiences with friends and family in my tone. "I really don't need another biased view telling me to just suck it up and call him."

"Have I said that once in the whole time you've known me?" he asked teasingly.

"We've known each other for an hour," I said flatly.

"The answer was _no _actually, but if that is how you want to justify it, go ahead," he said with a laugh. "But seriously, I know what Adam is going through and I can assume that it isn't one sided. And from what you've said, or at least _how _you have made it seem, it looks like you don't have anybody to turn to for support."

"And that is what you're offering?" I asked cynically. "You are _Adam's_ friend, not mine. We hardly know each other and…"

"And yet, I am the closest thing you have to him right now," he said before I could finish my pessimistic view of this situation. "Besides, I've heard so much about you that it's like I already know you."

"I guess I could say the same thing," I murmured as I turned onto my street. "But… this is still really awkward. I shouldn't even be talking with you. I know that you aren't a member of the WWE family anymore, but… it still feels like you are. And that would make this… _whatever this is_, against my contractual obligations and…"

"And no one cares about all that shit," he said with a huge smile. "And no one will find out. I _know_ that you can keep a secret. I hold the proof of that claim in my hand. So what do you say?"

I pondered his query as we made it to the front door of the small apartment complex. To the casual viewer, it didn't even seem like a place of residence, as the main door was in between an Italian bistro and a pharmacy. Chris, himself, gave me a puzzled look when I stopped walking. Yet once he saw me pull out my keys, he figured that this hole in the wall was my home (along with another nine apartments). Totally unlike what one might expect from a former WWE Diva.

"I really don't know what to say," I answered truthfully. "It's just really odd, you know? I am trying to put everything from the past nine months behind me, but now... wouldn't this be like I was still trying to hang on? Hang on to something that once was. I just want everyone involved to come out of this happy. I want Adam to be happy and I pray that he is right now."

"I can tell you that, _honestly, _he isn't even close to it," Chris said. I nodded, pretty much anticipating that response.

"Well, I just am trying to get through this myself and not make his life any worse than I already have," I said, leaning up against the glass door. "And I fear that _this_, us having some sort of friendship, will make it worse. So no matter what I want, I can't…"

"He's not going to find out, Nam," Chris said with a sigh. "This isn't all about him, you know? In the long run, you've probably suffered more. You can't fix what you have done in the past and I think that is what you need to get through your head. No matter how much you think you will be able to, things have changed. Now, what you need to do is try and move on. I know that it is going to be hard, probably one of the hardest things you will ever have to do, but it needs to be done."

"It's… just so hard to let go," I said, feeling a few tears come to my eyes.

"You deserve happiness as well," he said as he came over and pulled me into a comforting embrace. "You need to try and find it, however you can. And I would like to help, if you would let me try?"

"Why are you doing all this?" I asked, finally finding the words to voice my true concern. This all seemed too arranged and ideal. After living a double life for months, I learned not to take anything at face value.

"Honestly? I don't really know," he said with a chuckle, as he pulled back slightly and wiped the rest of the tears from my eyes. "I didn't expect to see you at Hachette and even after I did, and the sense of total shock left my mind, I knew that there was more than met the eye when it came to your veiled reason for leaving. And even though I have found out all I originally wanted to know, I am too involved now to just walk away."

"You still can," I said, pleading with him not to just do this out of pity.

I didn't want his pity, but if he was willing to try and help me get over some of my bottled up emotions, I wasn't going to deny him. I think I had proven to myself that I couldn't do this on my own. And he really seemed like a perfect person to turn to. I could feel still connected to the world I left behind while still living in my own reality (and sticking to my contract).

"But I don't want to," he said with a smile. "Besides, I'm probably going to have to frequent the city a little more than usual with the book's upcoming release. It'll be nice to have someone to keep me company."

"Nice excuse," I muttered, as I could tell that he was just trying to make up some bullshit excuse so I didn't think anymore of this arrangement. Yet I was always the person to overanalyze everything and couldn't just accept all of it. Things like this didn't just happen, especially to me. But maybe Danielle was right and it was fate.

"Believe what you want, but we have to meet at least once more," Chris said jokingly. "I need to give you your manuscript back."

"You can keep it," I muttered, but then realized that that might not be the best idea. Someone else might get their hands on it. "But maybe…"

"Maybe, it would be best if I returned it," he said with a nod. "I'm flying back to Florida Sunday night; still have some more media pundits to speak with here before I leave. How about we meet for lunch before my flight? I should be done by then."

"Sure," I answered with a nod. "That'd be nice."

I pulled out a pen from my bag and searched around for a piece of paper to write my number on. Yet the first thing I ended pulling out was one of the 'reject' photographs from my story. Chris quickly took it from my hand and burst out in laughter.

"That's not being printed," I said with a chuckle of my own.

It was picture of Adam sleeping surrounded by stuffed teddy bears. It was taken after one night when we got in a little bit of an argument (even though for the life of me, I can't remember what it was about- probably Jeff). He ended up sleeping in one of his guest rooms while I took his bed. The next morning, I went to find him and he was still sound asleep in the small bed. I took a few of the numerous stuffed bears that were strewn around the room (don't ask me why as even Adam doesn't exactly know why they are there: interior decorator did it was his answer) and placed them around his form. I took a few photos as a joke and because I was still a little upset, but I ended up thinking that they were so adorable. I never actually showed them to anyone including Adam. Well, _anyone until now_.

"And I am going to have to try and forget I ever saw that," Chris muttered as I finally retrieved a gum wrapper and scrawled my number down upon it.

"That's for sure," I said with a laugh as I handed him the small slip of paper.

"Well, I have to make my way back downtown," he said, groaning in the process. "Going to be on Fox News tonight."

"Sounds like _so much_ fun," I muttered sarcastically.

"Oh yeah, it's going to be a blast," he responded in the same tone. "I'll call you sometime tomorrow and we can finalize our plans."

"Alright," I said as I turned away from him and stuck my key in the lock. I opened the door and turned back around to face my newfound friend. "Try to stay sane through all of this. I honestly can't imagine what you are going through right now."

"I'll try," he said. "Have a good night Nam."

"You too, and Chris… thanks."


	51. We're Incomplete and Infantine

A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. The dialogue is from the 7/20/07 Smackdown broadcast. Tanki tanki to everyone who has read, added, and of course reviewed. Fozzy-Floozy, Farra Sti, KaraAlissa, unlimited emerald0307, nicole, HardyxGirl, xxHungryeyesxx, WWEAngel, Hatter-Zombie.ate.your.brains, SkyyRyder, nefertina-shaf, and ggkrystine - you all rock my world. HUGE THANKS goes out to 2 Die is 2 Live for reviewing every chapter.

I've been on vacation for the past week and wasn't going to update for awhile, but all of your reviews and support made me change my mind. That and Jeff and Edge both winning on Sunday made me a very happy woman. Tonight was the last day of my LA trip and I ended it with a bang: SMACKDOWN!! Needless to say, I have no voice right now as I tried my best to combat the amazing amount of heat that Edge was receiving. He was absolutley amazing, except for the few making out with Vickie moments. Wedding is coming up in five weeks - hope he gets drafted. :-)

This chapter is a little bit of a set up for the Italy trip which will encompass the next section of the flashbacks. The present chapter is also setting up Chris's New York visit (coming in the next chapter). I will also hint that there will be a cameo of someone from Nami's recent past in the next chapter as well. No giving away who as that would be telling. But she is certainly not going to be the happiest camper. I still don't have a set end it sight and really value your thoughts so keep them coming. Love you all! Peace and Love!!

* * *

_Wednesday April 11, 2007  
7:35 AM – Newark Liberty International Airport_

"_How long is the flight?"_

"_I think around eight hours… somewhere around there at least."_

_I groaned and buried my face into the groove of Adam's neck. He chuckled and pulled me closer to him so the only thing separating us was the metal bar dividing the seats. I wasn't a seasoned traveler like all of my WWE friends and was dreading the eight hours of being in the plane's confined quarters. Besides some prior trips to Canada and the Caribbean (and of course the previous WWE Central America Tour), I had never been out of the country. I always wanted to go to Europe, but never got the chance. So needless to say, I had never experienced a very long flight._

"_Don't worry about it beautiful," Adam said as he rubbed my arm in a comforting gesture. "You can sleep for most of the flight."_

"_Good thing we didn't get much sleep last night then, huh?" I said jokingly as I pulled back slightly to look in his eyes (after pulling the sunglasses off of them, of course). He grinned down at me and placed a chaste kiss on my lips before nodding his head in agreement and replacing the shades over his eyes._

"_Good times," he murmured as he tried to stifle a yawn. I chuckled at his failed attempt and pushed him back fully into his seat. I was about to stand up from my seat when Adam reached out and pulled me back to him. "Don't run off. I'm not finished with you yet."_

"_I was going to go get you some coffee," I said with a smile, watching him tug at the strings of my Rated R Superstar hoodie. "But now I think I've changed my mind."_

_Adam gave me a small little pout before pulling the hood up and over my head. He tightened the strings so only a little bit of my face was visible. I groaned and playfully tried to elbow him away from me yet he was just too strong. He tied the strings together with laughter and sat back to marvel at his handiwork. It took me a few moments to undo the tight knot. I was finally able to pull the hood away from my face and whacked my boyfriend in the process._

"_You are so annoying sometimes," I muttered as I got up from my seat and grabbed my wallet from my bag._

"_Yes, but you love me," he said in a sickeningly sweet tone._

"_You never know. I could meet my soul mate while going to get you some Starbucks," I said teasingly. "Then where would that leave you?" He just mimicked my mannerisms as I turned away and headed back down the terminal corridor toward the coffee shop._

_"Love the view," Adam yelled toward my retreating form. I shook my head and refused to turn around as I continued on my way. Whenever he was running on little sleep, Adam either got really lethargic or peppy. Today of all days had to be the latter of the two._

_I knew that I would want to sleep on the flight to Rome, but I needed my morning caffeine fix. I knew that Adam was dragging as well. It was our drug of choice and we both could be pretty crabby without it, __especially when we were running only on an hour sleep. Yeah, we had other "nocturnal activities" that took the place of sleeping last night. No complaints from me._

_Luckily, there weren't many people in the Starbucks. Those that were present were seemingly uninterested in a WWE Diva walking into the establishment. Unlike Adam, I didn't wear sunglasses everywhere I went, but still tried to keep a low profile. I wasn't totally used to the fact that people might actually recognize me. Luckily, I was able to get my two coffees with no fuss at all. I was happy that being associated with some of the company's top stars didn't affect my private life too much when it came to the public's knowledge of things (even though I was still rumored to be in supposed relationships with a few of my friends)._

_I went over to the side cart and fixed our coffee to our liking. I was so lost in my monotonous task that I didn't notice two arms wrap around my waist until I was already in the air. I looked over my shoulder and smiled a surprised grin at the purple locks I saw._

"_What are you doing here?" I asked, happy to see that my best friend was present and seemingly in a better mood than the last time I saw him. When he left Raw on Monday, we seemed to be back in a shady gray area of our friendship that caused tension and bitter feelings. But looking at his smile, I hoped that that phase had passed once more. I just hoped that this temperament lasted longer than the last._

"_Flight to Rome," he said with a smile._

"_Raleigh didn't have any flights scheduled for today," Matt said, as Jeff spun me around so I could see both of the brothers, my smile growing wider by the second. "I figure that this means that we are most likely on the same flight?"_

"_Yeah, what a coincidence," Jeff said sarcastically, which earned slightly shocked glances from both me and Matt. "You know that you made your flight reservations online with me, right? Figured we would go the same way."_

"_Should've known there was a reason we were flying out of Newark instead of JFK with Ash," Matt said with a small smile as Jeff finally relinquished his hold from my waist, allowing his brother to pull me into a friendly hug. "What'cha got there?"_

"_Coffee for me and Adam," I said, as I picked the two cardboard cups up off the metal cart. Jeff and Matt just shot each other small looks and nodded as the three of us walked out to the corridor and fell in step along side each other._

"_You know if any of the other guys are taking this flight?" Matt asked, probably a question posed to both of us and to break the silence._

"_Not that I know of," I muttered before taking a small sip of the steaming liquid in my grasp. "But considering that I didn't even know you two were on the flight, I would say I'm not the most reliable source of information. I actually didn't even know that Adam was coming. I made my reservations before we got back together."_

"_Yeah, I don't know either," Jeff replied, ignoring my final statement altogether. "We will probably meet up with some of them in Rome though. I don't think that there are many, if any, direct flights to Florence."_

_The first show on the tour was Saturday in Florence, Italy. To get there, we were taking an 8:25 AM flight to Rome and from there getting a connecting flight to Florence. It was definitely going to be a long day, especially with the time zone change. Yet at least we were getting a few days to get adjusted to everything. Since Saturday was the only show in Florence, I had already set aside Friday as sightseeing time. Not exactly sure what was going to happen when we got to Italy though, I was just going to go with the moment._

"_Our gate is right down here," I said as the three of us turned the corner and came in view of the flight's waiting area._

_I noticed that Adam was no longer alone as someone was sitting across from him. His back was to the three of us as we continued on our way, but he and Adam were definitely talking. I saw Adam's lift his gaze and it instinctively darkened when he saw who I was with. I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes in aggravation. Adam's gesture caused his companion to swivel around in his seat to see what caused the change in demeanor. I inwardly groaned when our eyes locked._

_"Isn't it such a beautiful day?" he said with his trademark smirk that made my blood boil even more, as he looked from me to my two companions._

_"I don't know. Why don't you go away and I'll find out," I muttered as I whacked the Legend Killer lightly on the back of his head._

_"Cute," he muttered as I walked by him._

"_I thought you flew home before the trip?" I asked the newcomer as I retook my seat next to Adam, handing him his coffee. Jeff and Matt dropped their bags and took seats next to mine, eyeing both of the other men tensely._

"_I did. Connecting to Rome through Newark though," Randy said with a small grin._

"_I find it hard to believe that there were no flights to Italy from St. Louis," I said with a slight scoff._

"_There were, just at horrible times," he muttered as he motioned his head toward my coffee cup._

"_Get your own," I said with a small laugh._

"_Ah, come on, I'm sure you'd give rainbow over there a sip if he wanted one," Randy said in a slightly whining tone. "How am I any different?"_

"_I like Jeff," I said with a smile, as I turned to look at my best friend. He looked at me with a smile of his own._

_I saw Matt just sigh and shake his head, knowing that things were bound to get awkward. Adam was making attempts to be civil with the Hardys, but I couldn't count on Randy to do the same. Randy did and said whatever he felt like doing. That was just his way. And in this type of situation, I didn't know if Adam would be as complacent as he normally was around my friends. I just silently prayed that I would get through this flight with all my friends intact._

"_I think we all know that," Randy muttered under his breath. There was something about his attitude that was a little off... a little more on edge than normal. Maybe it was just the long trip overseas, but there was certainly something._

_I watched as Adam shot him a slight glare before wrapping his arm around me protectively. I glanced over his way and smiled, but noticed that a scowl was present on his features. Oh yes, this was not going to be fun._

"_Here," I said as I handed Randy my cup as a peace offering. "Just try and behave."_

"_I never agreed to anything," he said with a smirk as he took the cup and brought it to his lips. Adam shook his head and took a sip of his own. I looked over to my two other friends with an apologetic look. I honestly didn't know how these four worked so closely together when they obviously didn't like each other one bit. I wanted to try and change that over the course of the next few days; didn't know exactly how, but I would certainly try._

"_So Matt, are you going to come with us on Friday when we walk around town?" I asked, as I tried to get some normal conversation to start up._

"_They're coming too?" Randy asked curtly before Matt could even open his mouth to reply. So much for normal conversation._

"_Orton, shut it," Adam muttered softly, not wanting to start anything on the first day of the trip._

"_Oh, this is going to be a hell of a time," Jeff whispered sarcastically into my ear, as he watched his brother glare daggers at both of the other men. _

_Adam looked over at Jeff's figure and saw the short distance between the two of us. I smiled at him, but it didn't stop the frown that appeared on his face. I looked to Randy and saw that he had drained the contents of my coffee cup and was sitting in smug contentness. I sighed and detangled myself from Adam's arm, opting to lean by in my own chair and try to forget about the tension around me. It wasn't working. I opened my eyes and looked over at Jeff with a small smile._

"_Couldn't agree with you more."_

* * *

Friday July 20, 2007  
7:45 PM – Nami's Apartment in New York

"Heard anything new?"

"His surgery went fine. Sorry to say there is not much else to report as I don't know all of the details yet."

I sighed into the phone and continued to pace around the main living quarters of my apartment. My emotional state had been on the mend. Chris was becoming a truly great friend, even though we had hardly seen each other the past month. After our lunch date before his flight back to Florida, I decided that he honestly was trying to help. It felt awkward at the beginning, but I was finally beginning to loosen up and feel more comfortable talking to him about almost anything. So needless to say, I was feeling much better… not totally well, but I was actually smiling for more than a few minutes a day.

That all changed when I got a message from Chris early last Wednesday morning: Adam was hurt.

"Well, just keep me posted on any changes like…"

"As soon as I know anything, you will be the first person I call - probably the only person," Chris stated with a small chuckle, halting the rest of my worried declaration.

For the past week and a half, I had been trying to run through all of Adam's on-screen time on Smackdown. It was the night of his New Orleans celebration, complete with rousing Cajun style jazz music and weird costumed mascots. Adam was strutting around like he owned the place. Yet in the end, one of the mascots was a cleverly disguised Kane (Adam's rival for the title at the time) who made quick work of the World Heavyweight Champion. I couldn't tell if that attack was what caused his injury or not. Nothing was really clicking in my head. I wanted to ask Chris about it, but every time I tried to really bring up the subject, I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. I didn't really want to think about how he hurt himself; it was bad enough just to know he did.

"I really appreciate all of this," I murmured into the phone as I sat back down on my couch.

"Don't mention it," he said in a lighthearted tone that made a small smile adorn my troubled features.

Chris was my lifeline and my only real connection to Adam. Right now, I wished that I could be much closer to him, but that wasn't in the cards. My book's publishing was coming along quite smoothly and was set for an early winter release, just in time for the holidays Mr. Williams said. A few of the higher powers at Hachette had a good feeling about my work and I was quite astonished at how conflicted I felt inside. It all still felt so dirty to me, like I was going against my friends in a way I would never be able to mend. Yet right now, I couldn't really think of those thoughts. It was still months away (as press about its release would not even surface until September) and right now, I had bigger, more important things to worry over.

"I wish that there was some way that I could repay you for everything you have done the past few weeks," I said, as I thought about how much I was relying on him. What if I had never had that second chance to talk with Chris? I had no clue what would happen to me if I had to go through this in the dark of what Adam was feeling. It was bad enough that I couldn't be there for him myself.

"This is what friends are for Nam," Chris replied with a sigh and tone that housed a sense of slight annoyance.

I knew that he was sick of the constant analysis and appraisal of our friendship, but it was hard not to do it. He was Adam's friend and at times, I felt like Chris was doing all of this for him. I felt like in the end, he felt that by doing this he would be able to bring the two of us back together. And maybe, deep down, I was hoping for that as well.

"Yeah, but still… you have no idea how much you have helped me get over a lot of the emotional baggage that had been hampering me for so long," I murmured softly, trying to convey how truly thankful I was.

"I did nothing special but I thank you for your words," he said and I could tell that he was trying to stifle a laugh.

He never saw this friendship as being a hardship or a burden on his end. He told me that it gave him a chance to meet someone new; someone that he felt he knew already from all he heard about. Since we never really had time to see each other, we would spend hours on the phone talking. He would tell me old road stories about him and Adam and I would tell him newer ones. It was like comparing notes, but in a much more sentimental way. Besides, his stories were always so much better than mine, considering he had heard most of mine before thanks to either Adam or Jay.

"Just let me know if there is ever anything I can do," I said, even though I was already thinking of ways to pay the Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla back, even though I doubted that the debt would ever be fully covered.

"Well, if you lived in the proximity, I would hit you up for a little babysitting delegation," he said with a laugh.

"Not sure if you would want that," I said with laughter of my own. "I tend to be a pushover when it comes to kids. One little pouty face and they'll get anything their little hearts' desire."

"Yeah, Jess and I spoil them enough as is," he recalled in a whimsical tone that he sometimes spoke in when discussing his family. His family was his life and I couldn't imagine what it was like for him to be away from them as per the WWE lifestyle. It must have been tough and a contributing factor to the supposed burnout that led to his need to leave the company a few years back. "And don't even get me started on their grandparents."

"That's what grandparents are for," I said, recalling memories of my own grandparents, God rest their souls.

"So true," Chris said, pulling me from my own thoughts. "Now that we are on the subject of _spoiling_, thanks for the presents you sent for the kids. It really wasn't necessary."

Cheyenne and Sierra Irvine both turned one two days ago. Since Chris was becoming such a needed part of my life, I felt it was only right of me to send a gift down to Florida for the girls (as well as his son Ash… couldn't leave him out). After making three different animals at Build-a-Bear (complete with having to jump up and down to bless the heart that was put inside of the stuffed creation), I vowed that I would never go through that again. But Chris and his family were worth it.

"I know it wasn't, but I wanted to do it," I said, recalling the embarrassing experience all over again. "Besides, you only turn one once."

"And I am sure they will remember it too," he answered sarcastically.

"Shush," I said which only caused laughter to ring out though the other end of the phone. I chuckled to myself and looked over at the clock on the wall: 7:53 PM. "Ugh, Smackdown is coming on soon. I don't know if I can take it."

"Yeah, Adam's last for awhile," he responded, his tone sobering slightly. I had already heard about what happened on the broadcast from Danielle, as it was taped on Tuesday. I was certainly not looking forward to seeing it. "He said that he got pretty broken up about having to give up the belt. Can't really blame him there. It sucks 'cause Vince told him a few weeks before the injury that he was going to have a long run as champ."

"Thanks Chris for making my mood dwindle into the depths of depression even more," I said flatly.

Adam having the belt at the time of his injury was bad enough, but knowing that he was about to get a huge push, that was even worse. I still remember him and Randy discussing the possibility of holding the belt in the future. Neither of them at the time thought it was possible as John and Taker looked unbeatable. Yet with Taker going down with an injury, it opened the door for Adam, shelving a potential Rated RKO feud. Now, it was Adam who was the injured party with someone else getting the shot: a shot that Adam deserved.

"He's going to come out of this better than ever," Chris said, trying to break me away from my negative thoughts about the now coined 'Smackdown Curse', as many of the Superstars on the brand had fallen injured after winning the World Heavyweight Title. "No use beating yourself up about it."

"You don't know me that well yet, do you?" I asked in a rhetorical, sarcastic manner. "Worrying and being overly dramatic is sort of my thing."

"I get that," he responded lightheartedly. "Would you feel better if I told you what his surgery was like?"

"You have it done before or something?" I asked as I turned on the television and flipped it to the CW for the upcoming broadcast. I knew that Chris hadn't had time to speak with him yet and was only getting his news about Adam's condition from Jay.

"Nah, Adam told me about it before he had it done, but I wasn't sure if you really wanted to know," he said. "Doc explained the surgery to him when Adam signed off on the whole thing. At first, he was thinking of just trying to rehab it, but the muscle was totally torn from the bone."

"Ew, bad mental image," I said with a grimace.

I was always squeamish when I heard my wrestling friends discuss injuries that they previously had had, especially when _certain people_ would go into great detail just to get a rise out of me. Not really even certain people; more like one annoying WWE Champion. Adam always said that John really couldn't be an authority on the subject since he never sustained a real critical injury. He seemed to not be as injury prone as my ex-boyfriend was. Maybe that was a reason that the company entrusted him with the belt for so long.

"Then maybe I shouldn't explain," Chris said softly.

"No, I want to know… I think," I said after a few moments of mulling it over. I truly wanted to know what he went through.

"Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you," he said with a slight laugh. He took a deep breath and I muted the television. I wanted to understand what Adam was enduring, even though I doubted Chris's words would convey all that he was feeling. I still didn't want to believe that this was happening to him. "They are going to have to drill and few holes in his chest bone to suture the muscle back to it. Once the holes are drilled, they can take some medical wire and reattach the muscle by tying the muscle with the wire to the bone. Any more mental images?"

"Trying to keep them away as we speak," I said, trying to get any picture of Adam's open insides out of my mind. "And he really is going to be able to come back from this?"

"This isn't the first time someone has torn a pectoral muscle in the business," he said. "And it certainly won't be the last. But like I said, he'll come back better than ever."

"I'm going to hold you to that you know?" I said jokingly. I heard laughter from the other end and slightly smiled. I looked over at the television and saw that _Family Guy_ was back from a commercial and almost ending, meaning Smackdown would start any second. I didn't know if I really was ready to see Adam on television. "Well anyway, I should let you go. I still have some more wallowing in self-pity to do."

Normally, those thoughts were reserved for the night. While lying in bed, all of the thoughts that I tried to avoid and ignore throughout the day tended to creep into my mind and take over. This resulted in many a sleepless night. But now, these same thoughts were constantly pervading my mind even in the daylight hours and I didn't think that they would ever stop until I had true closure. and not just from Adam. This was beyond just him and me. This was everything. That would only come in November when my book was finally released. Until then, I would just have to try and carry on the best I could. It's a good thing Chris came to me when he did.

"No more wallowing babe. You don't need to," he said definitively. "He's on the mend. Maybe not physically yet, but emotionally… he isn't perfect, but in a better state than he was the last time we spoke."

I nodded my head solemnly to myself. I prayed every night that he was moving on with his life and getting over the emotional damage I did to him. Yet now that I heard verification, I was becoming selfish once more. I was really losing Adam, if not already lost him.

"I'm glad," I muttered glumly.

"I know it hurts, but he deserves to move on," Chris said truthfully, as he picked up on my somber tone.

"I know," I said softly. Silence pervaded from both ends of the phone conversation. I knew that Chris was probably thinking of a way to change topics and I was too busy thinking about all my past mistakes.

"So, I'm going to be coming up your way in a few weeks," he finally uttered after deafening silence halted our conversation. "Have to make one last plea to the higher powers about the book's release."

"Yeah, Mel told me," I said pessimistically, knowing that Chris was probably fighting an uphill battle by himself.

After everything that had happened in the world of wrestling the past month in the wake of the Benoit tragedy, Chris wanted to make a few changes to his book. He had been pleading with Melanie to let him add a few things, including an author's note to the finished manuscript. Yet we both knew that this was no longer in her hands. The book was in gallery format, which meant that nothing could be changed unless a few of Grand Central Publishing's executives requested it.

"You need any help?" I asked, letting him know that I would do anything in my power to assist him if he needed me.

"According to Melanie, nothing can be done," Chris said devoid of much emotion. He had been over the details of his situation many times and it seemed like it was taking its toll. "She says that the case would have to be brought up with Robert Castillo and he is pretty adamant that the manuscript is set the way it is. I sent Mel all the changes that I want made and trust me, there aren't a lot. Chris is a major player in the book and… I just want to give the tale a little preface, add a few captions here and there. Yet it seems like it is not to be."

"You should know to never say never," I said, trying to give him a little hope with my words.

I knew that Mr. Castillo was a tough person to get through to. I never really had to deal with him in any of my projects personally, but I had heard horror stories from others on my floor. He worked for Grand Central Publishing, the larger company that owned Hachette. He was an important official and the one who was making decisions about the printing of Chris's book.

"I sense that you are up to something," he said knowingly.

"Maybe, but I don't want to get your hopes up," I said, my smile shining through my tone.

I was trying my best to get an arrangement to speak with Castillo myself. I didn't know if it would help in any way. But I figured that it couldn't hurt. I collected all of the changes Chris sent to Melanie and perused the contents. His request seemed feasible as the changes only affected a few pages. It's not like he was cutting Chris out of the novel. Actually, it was far from it. Everything that was in his original manuscript only needed to be prefaced. If only I could try and make the authority over this issue see that.

"It seems that we both have a secret then," Chris said in a mischievous tone.

"Oh? You've been holding out on me as well?" I asked blithely.

"Maybe," he said in a sly tone. "You tell me yours and I'll tell you mine."

"Not a chance," I said, after a few moments of contemplation. I should know from prior experience that keeping secrets only turns out for the worse in the end. "Like I said, it's not totally foolproof yet."

"Mine is," he replied with outright glee in his tone, making me wonder what it could be. Was it something to do with his family? Or maybe professional? Hopefully, it was about himself and nothing to do with another blond Canadian that I knew. "You'll just have to wait in suspense for my next visit."

"I'll be waiting on pins and needles 'til your return," I said with a small chuckle, as I watched the credits roll across my screen. I sighed and knew that in only a few moments, I would have to watch as Adam said his farewell to his title for a few months. This was not how it was supposed to be. "Have a great night, Chris."

"You too," he replied, realizing distress in my lackluster tone. "I'll call you as soon as I hear any new news."

"Thanks," I said softly, as the beginning of Smackdown began. "Love you."

"Love you too."

I flipped my phone shut and settled into a comfortable lying position on my couch. As I waited for Adam to appear, I thought about how scared I was about actually losing him altogether. I still hadn't read the letter he sent to me right after our break up. It sits beside my bed, next to the picture of me, him, and Jeff. I'm not ready to let go fully. Chris is helping me hold on.

When I think of Adam, I think about our start. I've tried not to be scared of people in my life. I sure as hell have been intimidated by many, but never truly scared. It seemed as if Adam had always had that effect on me. At this moment, I was scared that I was losing him. But at the start, I was just scared _of_ him. I was scared that from the moment I saw him - the moment that our eyes locked on each other - that I would fall in love with him. Even during the first week, when he was more of a hinderance than a help, there was something about him that got to my very core. Of course he wasn't the only one. There was another who made me feel the same way, someone who also was always on my mind.

My thoughts were broken when I saw Teddy Long come out. I knew that Adam would follow soon. I turned up the volume on my television as Teddy introduced the champ. I felt many surging emotions as I watched a visibly heartbroken Adam walk out and into view. This was the love of his life. This _was _his life. And it was being taken away from him because of an injury.

As he began to speak, I couldn't help but think that I should be there to comfort him. According to Chris, Adam was moving on in his personal life. What that exactly meant, I was not sure. And I wasn't sure that I really wanted to find out. But still… he needed all the comfort and support he could get.

"_My achievements haven't come without their setbacks, without injuries," _Adam stated, as the crowd didn't seem to really care what he had to say. It was times like these that I wished people would forget about his character and think of the man. "_There's a laundry list of my injuries. I've... I've torn my pec, I've ruptured my groin, broken my foot, separated my shoulder. I've broken my neck."_

Adam really began to get emotional. The tears that had welled up in the corners of his eyes were beginning to try and make their way down his cheeks. I couldn't bear watching him in this type of pain. I didn't want to see him this way. The Adam I loved was always the strong one. I was the crybaby and emotional wreck of the relationship. Even in our worst moments of heartbreak and sadness, he never broke down. As much as I wanted to believe that all of this was just him acting as his character, I knew that it wasn't.

"_You know, I could deal with all of those injuries because they happened in my home, because this is my home," _he continued, visibly and audibly more emotional affected by what he was saying and doing. He was conceding his title without losing it and it was taking everything he had. "_They happened in the field of battle. But last week, I was innocently attacked. I was attacked by a seven foot psychotic monster named Kane."_

The crowd started to cheer and I had to groan. I loved being in front of the crowd when I was with the company. Yet it was times like this when I didn't know how the wrestlers stood it sometimes. I know that they were booing and jeering "Edge" not "Adam, but still… in this much of an overly-emotional business, I didn't understand how few wrestlers ever lost their cool. I guess that is why they are pros. This is what they live for and even in moments like this, they probably thrive on it.

Yet what Adam was speaking of made me think more about how little I knew of his actual injury. I knew what his surgery was going to be like thanks to Chris, but honestly didn't know how his whole pectoral muscle was torn away from the bone. From what Adam was saying, it was all Kane's fault. Of course, that was probably for storyline sake, but I wanted to know the truth.

I picked my cell phone back up off of the couch's cushion and re-dialed Chris's number. I waited patiently as the phone rang, watching as Adam relinquished the belt to Teddy. He was heartbroken all over again and I felt my own heart throb for him.

"Miss me already?"

"You know I did, but that's not really the reason for my call," I said with a laugh. "I was just wondering… well… how exactly did Adam get hurt? I've been replaying it in my mind, but can't really find an exact moment that seemed off. Granted the last time he was hurt with his jaw injury, I couldn't tell either. He hides pain so well… at least _physical_ pain anyway."

"He says that he felt it tear when he speared one of the mascots outside of the ring, before Kane unveiled himself to the crowd," Chris explained, refuting Adam's own explanation to the crowd all the while confirming my previous suspicions. "When he landed, the mascot he speared had his knee up and Adam came down on it. He noticed the tear instantly, but said that it didn't hurt as much as the last time he tore his pec. Well, it might not have felt worse, but it certainly was as he tore the muscle totally away from the bone. Doctor said that that reaction is normal though as the body is going through blunt trauma."

"Ew," I muttered, as I watched Adam on screen walk away from the ring, glancing back at the belt he had to leave behind. "Chris, is there anything I can do for him?"

"Talk to him for starters," he answered with a laugh. "And before you start, I know that you aren't able to legally, but I have never been one to follow every rule to the tee. Honestly, if you want my advice as a friend of both of you, go and visit him. He's going to need to see a friendly face, now more than ever."

"I thought you said he was _on the mend_?" I asked, using his earlier words against him.

"He is, but… seeing you will only help him," he said truthfully. "He still feels that there was never true closure in your relationship. Besides, he tells me that you still probably haven't told your family that you two have split."

"Yes well, I actually have told them – surprise surprise," I said dully.

It was difficult, but I knew that I couldn't keep saying that Adam and I were working through problems. I actually came clean to them about everything, swearing them all to secrecy when it came to my story. Most of them couldn't understand and felt for Adam and what I put him through. The only thing that none of them felt was any sympathy for me. They felt like I brought this upon myself. I guess it was true, but I had hoped that I would find a little support from my family. My father was coming around. Our relationship was still somewhat tense, but it was getting better by the day.

"Take it that it didn't go so well?" Chris said knowingly. "Adam sure knows how to make an impression I guess."

"Tell me about it," I muttered dryly, as I turned off my television when the first match of the night started. I wasn't in the mood to watch any wrestling tonight.

"Well, I've got to go and get my girls to bed," he said. "I'll call you when I finally get through to him. And Nam, think about what I said. He needs you."


	52. Okay, Now The Monster is Awake

A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. Thanks to everyone who has read, added, and reviewed. **SkyyRyder, xxHungryeyesxx, KaraAlissa, Fozzy-Floozy, 2 Die is 2 Live, Hatter-Zombie.ate.your.brains, and Farra Sti** - thank you for your constant support and love for the last chapter!!

So now about this next installment... it is the longest in the story even though when I first started writing, I thought it was going to be one of the shortest. Yet the flashback scene in Italy is setting up many conflicts that spill over in the coming chapters that affect all of the characters. The normal timeline scene has a cameo by one blond Canadian and I promise that the other one will be in the next chapter. His part in the story has been seriously lacking as of late and he needs to resurface. The next chapter's flashback will not be as intense (or long) as this one, but will setup a major conflict that is brewing.

I am about to make my final outline and finally choose how I want this to end (hard to believe that it is coming to a close). So any reviews or suggestions you have, please send them. Every little bit helps my wrestling muses to inspire me to write and make the ending the best it can be. Peace and Love!!

* * *

_Friday April 13, 2007  
4:07 PM – Florence, Italy_

"_Never realized that there was so much to see."_

"_Well, maybe that is because you never looked, even though I would think that two of the most popular art galleries in the world would be on your hit list."_

_The three of us trudged back into our hotel after a full day of sightseeing in one of the Renaissance art capitals of the world. Yes, there was only three even though the original tally was supposed to be five. Randy decided that he would rather spend the day in the hotel weight room with John, which was fine by me. And then there was Adam… he really didn't give me a reason why he bailed, but I figured that it had to do with spending the whole afternoon with my two other friends. It was probably for the best as it gave me a chance to spend the whole day with Matt and Jeff, as we walked all over town checking out the local color so to speak._

"_So, any plans for later?" Jeff asked as the three of us plopped down into a few sofas in the hotel's lobby._

"_Probably figure out where Adam went off to and work from there," I said._

"_Yeah, too bad he couldn't come with us today," Matt said in a slight sarcastic tone._

"_Oh yes, I am sure you are so broken up inside," I muttered, reciprocating his sarcasm._

"_I truly am. Don't you see the tears?" he retorted right back._

"_Alright you two, enough," Jeff said, being the voice of reason for once. Normally Matt was the one who had to talk sense into the two of us."Besides, didn't you tell Ash that you were going to call her? See how her ankle is doing?"_

"_Fuck, I forgot about that," Matt said as he pulled his phone out and quickly scrolled for her number._

"_Wait!" I said before he dialed the number. _

_Both brothers looked at me in confusion as I tried to figure out what time it would be back in the states. I didn't think Ashley would appreciate being woken up at an early hour, especially to hear that boyfriend forgot to call and check on her. She needed to have a screw in her ankle surgically repaired and was going to be out of action for a few months. Needless to say, she didn't make the overseas trip although she was originally scheduled to. Even though she was injured, Matt thought that she was going to try and make the trip and just valet for Kendrick and London. But she her injury was worse than originally estimated so she pulled out at the last second… the day of the flight actually. It was quite a surprise when we landed in Rome and saw most of both rosters but she was nowhere to be found._

"_Okay, it's a little bit after ten in the morning in New York. Just wanted to make sure I got the hours right."_

"_Good thinking," Jeff said with a small smile. "I had pretty much forgotten all about the difference."_

"_You've got a key to our room right?" Matt asked his brother as he rose from his seat._

"_Yeah," he answered as both brothers shared a small parting embrace. Matt leaned down and kissed me lightly on the cheek before heading back outside to make his call in private._

"_So you all set to wrestle almost every day on this tour?" Jeff asked with a small laugh._

"_Not really," I said truthfully. _

_Throughout our whole stay in Europe, I was on the Raw Divas match card every night. It was going to be a big step up from rarely wrestling once a week. I was still going to valet for the Hardys as they had matches most nights against Cade and Murdoch. Jeff and Matt were actually going to be on both Raw and Smackdown this week, but I would not be making the trip to the latter show. I had a house show that night. Most nights it was going to be a triple treat match with myself, Melina, and Mickie. A few tag matches were going to be thrown into the schedule as well as one on one battles. Things weren't totally ironed out yet. I knew tomorrow was a triple threat match and Melina was going to come out on top, which was fine by me._

"_You'll do great," Jeff said in encouragement. "Besides, all of this practice will almost guarantee that you and Mel will have a great match at Backlash. This will help build chemistry between you two."_

"_Thanks for the vote of confidence," I muttered._

"_You know that you always have me in your corner," he replied with a trademark Jeff smile that made me want to melt to the floor. "You've been in mine enough times the past few months, both personally and professionally."_

"_That's true," I said with a smile to match his._

"_I think it's about time that I returned the favor," he said with a chuckle._

"_You already have, in more ways than one," I murmured catching his eyes and holding his gaze. _

_His smile only seemed to broaden as the two of us sat silently lost in each other's eyes, not noticing anything else around us. Jeff had done more than enough for me in the past few months. He was someone that I felt I could always turn to, even when we were at odds about where we really stood in our relationship. Looking in his eyes, I saw many things – some of which I was sure I wasn't meant to see. Or maybe I was… I didn't know. I still hadn't figured Jeff out fully, but I wasn't sure I ever could. It's not like he would ever figure me out either, at least not yet._

"_So, you gonna go find Adam or something?" Jeff asked, breaking the silence and our gaze as he turned away from me to look back outside the lobby doors._

"_Or something," I replied, causing him to turn to me once more with a confused expression. "Want to get something to eat?"_

_Nothing more needed to be said and we enjoyed a relaxed early dinner at the hotel's restaurant. We casually talked about a lot of things: our day of seeing the sights in Florence, the upcoming tour, and of course our own personal lives. We treaded softly around certain issues of our own relationship. It was more his doing than mine. The advice that I had received from John a few nights ago was still on my mind: "words are only that if there is no feeling behind them". But how would I ever know what he was feeling if he wouldn't open up to me?_

"_So…" I started in an attempt to start up another conversation as we left the restaurant. _

_Jeff just smiled and we continued our slow and silent walk toward the elevators. I sighed and looked away from him and down to the carpeted floor. He was so frustrating some times. I wanted to bring up his total reversal in attitude, as he still hadn't explained the reason for his uncouthness on Monday at the Raw broadcast. I knew that it probably had to do with Adam (as it usually always had to do with him), and I also knew that that wasn't one of his favorite topics. But still… I wanted to try and have an actual friendship with Jeff. I wanted him to see me as a confidant and someone he could turn to. That is how I saw him._

_And wasn't it a total double standard? He could have his little, perfect, happy relationship with Beth and I couldn't have Adam? If he truly did have real feelings for me, I would rather he just come out and say it. Sure - then I would have a lot more on my plate, but at least I would know where we stood. Right now, everything was gray and that needed to change._

"_Um… I've been trying to say things all night, but every time I've wanted to bring them up, I've backed down," I muttered in a soft tone. It would seem that I was just trying to figure out what to say, but I really did want him to listen. It just seemed easier if I pretended he wasn't there and the floor was my actual target. "You and me… we have something special. I see that. So does almost everyone around us. But I just don't know what you really want from me."_

"_Huh?" Jeff asked in a confused voice as I continued to stare at the floral print on the floor. I felt one of his hands take my own as the other lifted my chin so I was forced to look in his eyes. We had stopped moving and were standing still a few feet away from our destination. "What are you talking about?"_

"_Don't play innocent with me," I said in a coarse whisper, sick of all the games and hiding. "You know damn well what I'm talking about! And if you don't, you obviously haven't been paying attention to anything that has happened in let's just say the past five months!"_

"_Okay, now you've totally lost me," he replied with a small chuckle as he dropped his hand from my chin and ruffled his hand through his freshly dyed bright red locks. Yet I was not returning his humorous tone or expression. I knew that this was a big switch from our lighthearted discussion over dinner, but I needed to try and sort some things out. And what better time than the present? Besides, I didn't know the next time that the two of us would be able to find any alone time._

"_This is not a laughing matter," I said in the same harsh yet low tone._

"_Well it's hard not to darlin' when you won't even clue me in on what you are ranting and raving about," he said with another hearty grin. I groaned loudly and whacked him on the arm before walking a few __paces away from him. "If you were trying to knock some sense into me, you failed 'cause I still have no idea what has you like… well like this."_

"_Don't you remember anything that happened on Monday?" I asked with sigh turning back toward him. I relented on most of my anger as I tried to reason with him._

"_Um... let's see, we uh… had breakfast, drove to the arena, had our matches, and left to…"_

"_There is a lot more that happened," I muttered with a shake of my head. "Everything was so perfect on Sunday, but then seemingly in a blink of an eye, everything changed. I just want to know why I get this awkward, unnatural feeling every time I am around you. I…"_

"_Wait – what?" Jeff asked as he looked at me with a stunned expression, like everything I was telling him was such a surprise. I knew that he wasn't that good of an actor so I had to believe that he honestly didn't know what I was speaking of. It was kind of hard to believe._

"_It's not like I feel it all of the time when we're together," I said, trying to retrace my original words so he could try and follow my logic. "Like today, everything was practically perfect, you know? But Monday was a little different and it wasn't the first time. It's just…"_

_I stared directly in his eyes as I tried to think of the words to say. I knew what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him that I loved Adam and this whole creeping around certain buried romantic feelings needed to stop. I wanted to tell him about my conversation with John and how all of his advice was really starting to affect my perspective on this relationship. I wanted to tell him everything that had been running through my mind the past few weeks and try to make him understand all I have felt. But when it came right down to it, I couldn't because I honestly didn't know what to say. Sure, I knew what my brain was telling me to do, but I never really listened to it in the past. So why start now?_

"_Jeff, I…"_

"_Hey Nam, we've been looking for you all day!"_

_Both Jeff and I turned toward the lobby's glass doors in frustration after hearing John Cena's loud declaration. Both he and Randy were headed our way. I turned away from their approaching figures to look back toward my best friend._

"_I really need to talk to you," I murmured as I wanted this situation to stay between the two of us._

"_Meemz, I still don't get what you are trying to say," he said with annoyance laced in his tone._

"_Please," I pleaded, my voice slightly cracking from the grief that this was causing me to feel inwardly. _

_He turned back to look as both John and Randy made it to where we were standing. I turned as well and noticed that while John seemed oblivious to the emotions coming from both myself and Jeff, Randy was quite perceptive. He shot me a suspicious look before turning his attention back to my best friend._

"_Should have known that wherever you were, your walking shadow would follow," Randy scoffed staring directly into Jeff's eyes, which were now slightly ablaze in anger._

"_Randy please, not now," I muttered, rolling my eyes at how overbearing he could be._

"_Don't worry about it Meemz," Jeff replied, not backing down from the Legend Killer's stare. "I was just leaving anyway."_

"_But Jeff…"_

"_We'll talk later," he said quickly before I could protest any further. "I promise."_

_And with that, he took off in the direction that the other two had come as he headed out of the hotel. I sighed for what seemed like the millionth time today and barley managed a smile for my two friends._

"_Did we come at a bad time?" John asked with a sober look on his face._

"_We did nothing wrong," Randy said as he pushed past both of us toward the elevator. "They were the ones having a private conversation in the middle of a fucking hotel lobby. Real fucking smart. Not like I expected much from Hardy seeing as he has such a little brain to begin with, and all the shit he pulls in the ring and constant hair dying sessions have probably turned it into mush."_

"_What's his problem?" I asked John quietly as Randy usually wasn't this perturbed or bitter. Sure, he could be… no, he was an ass. But this wasn't normal Randy Orton behavior. This was a total 'fuck off' quality that I had only seen from him a few times in the past, and neither turned out too well._

"_Where should I start?" John asked sarcastically with a slight grin._

_I chuckled quietly as we both made our way over to Randy and the closed elevator doors. The conversation with Jeff would have to wait and I would have to push all of my mixed emotions to the back of my mind once more. At least I had gotten him to promise that we would speak once more on this issue. It may not have seemed important to him, but it was to me._

"_So you two all set for your match tomorrow?" I asked, trying to making casual conversation with the slightly miffed Legend Killer._

"_You mean the match that the 'champ' gets to make me and your boyfriend look like tools in?" Randy asked sardonically with a slight bitter snicker. "Oh yes, all set."_

"_Rand, you know that it's not like that," John tried to impart before Randy shot him a cold glare. Something was definitely not right with him and I highly doubted it was about the handicap match that was taking place tomorrow. This had to go beyond that._

"_Then what is it like oh great one?" he asked his best friend in the same tone, sounding more and more like his on-screen persona with every passing syllable. "Because if you honestly think I wanted to sit on my hands and watch you run this fucking show all year, you are sorely mistaken."_

"_What are you talking…"_

"_You heard what Vince said in the meeting!" Randy raged before John could finish his query. "He says that I am still unfit to hold the belt again. That I need to get my head out of my ass and grow up. Oh, so I am unfit, but you… you can hold it for months at a time and no one seems to bat an eye!"_

"_Fuck Randy, it's not like I told them to give me the belt for this long," John protested as Randy just shook his head in annoyance and filed into the newly arrived elevator. "Besides man, you're going to get your shot again. Just don't do anything to fuck it up again."_

"_That was a fucking year ago Cena and you know it!" Randy roared as the two of us joined him in the small compartment. I could only figure that they were talking about his previous suspension last year for some anger issues and unsportsmanlike conduct. I just continued to stay quiet and observe the two friends battle it out with loud, harsh words._

"_Yeah well, you need to build back the respect and trust, bro," John said, trying to calm his friend down, but doing a piss poor job of it. "It's not like they are just going to hand the title over to you."_

"_You mean like they did to you huh?" he asked rhetorically with a callous smirk. "You and Adam had almost a full year long program and he held the title for what - three months? And who had it the rest of the time... oh that's right, you!"_

"_You were on Smackdown and suspended for most of it," John replied as neither man looked ready to back off and I was too scared to say anything. The elevator continued its journey until John hit the stop button on the console. I looked at him with wide eyes, but it seemed that he wanted this argument to be over and done with by the time they exited. "Besides, I don't hear Adam complaining about the outcome. It was a good program that both of us are damn proud of."_

"_The only reason he isn't saying anything is because he has more problems to worry about besides the championship at the moment," he muttered as he gestured his head in my direction._

"_Nuh-uh; don't drag me into this," I said as I crossed my arms and leaned against one of the side walls of the elevator._

"_I wasn't. You are just a supporting detail for my argument," Randy said in a calmer tone, still refusing to fully look my way._

"_What argument?" John asked as he advanced slightly on his friend so only a few inches of air separated them. "See, for it to be an argument, you need to actually have a legitimate case. And I'm sorry, but I don't think immaturity is going to…"_

"_Fuck off, Cena," Randy growled as he pushed his friend backwards into the closed elevator's doors. "And take your championship with you!"_

_John advanced on his friend once more until their noses were touching. The two of them looked like they really could burst out with punches at any second. And knowing Randy's temper and John's __stubbornness, I knew that neither would give in until the other saw his side of things. That wasn't likely to happen anytime this century. The only option I saw left was to step in and try to reason with the two friends. But what could I say? I didn't know much about their current argument and I wasn't about to pretend I did. Yet something needed to be done._

"_Guys, come on," I said as I stepped forward and placed a hand on either of their chests. "This is not going to solve anything."_

"_I'd move your hand if I were you," Randy threatened in a low voice._

"_Seriously, leave her out of this," John said which only caused Randy's form to become tenser, as I felt the constriction underneath my palm._

"_Or what are you going to do?" Randy asked coldly. "Save the day like you always do."_

"_Randy, please stop," I begged as I took my hand off of John's chest and turned to face the other. He looked down at me with fire still blazing in his eyes. "I don't know much about this whole situation and I'm not going to even try and figure it out. But I know that you may be angry, but this isn't John's fault. It's nobody's fault. It's just the way the business works I guess, but you…"_

"_Just shut up," Randy exclaimed as he gently pushed me away from him and back into the waiting arms of John. "You are right about one thing: you don't know anything! So don't try and give me advice about a business that you just happened to fall into."_

"_Orton, shu…"_

"_No John," I said, stopping him from telling off his friend in my defense. "He's right. I wasn't brought up in this business like you. I didn't grow up a fan like you. But I am here, working my ass off every night to try and put on a good show. I know that this isn't my life's ambition like it is probably yours, but I never really pretended like it was."_

_I pushed away from both of them and went back over to my previous position, leaning against the opposite wall. Neither man spoke, and I didn't know if I really wanted to continue. I was sort of in uncharted territory, talking about things that should have remained unsaid. I couldn't leave it like that and have their final thought be about my jaded aspirations concerning the business._

"_Everyone sees your passion Randy," I said with a small smile. "And I know that I don't need to say it for you to believe it 'cause I honestly doubt that my opinion means much to you. But I know that you will be a great champion again someday. And hopefully that comes soon because I don't know how much more of this I can take."_

_My last statement was said in a joking manner and it was able to get a small smile from one of the men. Yet the intended target remained as stoic and unmoved as when I began. I knew that my words probably meant less than nothing to him, but I had to try and break the tension and anger that had fallen over the __two men. It was quite distressing and intense; nothing like I had seen from either of them outside of the ring (well, at least at each other)._

"_Nicely put Nam," John murmured after another few moments of intense yet awkward silence. It was like the calm right before the storm and I was afraid of all the emotion that could still be surging through a contemplative Randy. He continued to have a blank look on his face and I couldn't believe that he was still mulling over my words. They weren't that deep. I was just trying to get both men to cool off for a moment._

"_Nicely put Nam," Randy said, mimicking John's tone with a slight mocking edge. "Suck up to her just like you do McMahon."_

_Yeah – definitely didn't solve anything. Maybe even made it worse and the prospect of escaping this whole situation seemed quite ideal. That's when it hit me: we were still in the elevator._

"_John – the button," I said as I gestured to the panel right behind him. _

_His angered look sedated slightly as he turned to hit the button to start the stalled elevator once more. We had been in here for quite a long time. The hotel only had two shafts and this one was virtually nonoperational. Before he could act, the callous laughter of our other companion hit our ears, halting his action and causing our attention to shift to him once more._

"_Aw, all out of advice?" Randy asked as my expression darkened slightly at his mocking tone._

"_I wasn't giving you advice," I said defensively as all thoughts of making the elevator move left my mind. "I was just trying to lighten the mood."_

"_Should I get you a medal or something?" Randy asked rhetorically. "Or how about I get Cena over here to talk to Vince into letting you beat Melina at the pay-per-view? Get a belt all of your own."_

"_I told you already: I don't want the belt," I said definitively, recalling an earlier conversation between the three of us. I didn't want to add the title to my professional wrestling career résumé. I wanted to make as little of an impact as I possibly could._

"_Oh, that's right," he said with a scornful grin. "I forgot all about your… what was it Cena? 'Very respectable' plan of not wanting to rush things? Yeah, that was it. Bullshit if I've ever heard it."_

"_You don't know me all that well Randy, so don't judge my aspirations," I said as my mood continued to dwindle._

"_You're right – I don't know you Nami," he said as he shot me a snide grin. "Still doesn't mean that I can't have my own opinion about your judgment. And while we are on the subject of you, I've been wondering something for the longest time."_

"_Care to enlighten us?" I asked uncouthly as my temperament when it came to him was getting very agitated. I just prayed that this question had nothing to do with my previous occupation. He was present __when I was speaking about my prior job at Hachette. Maybe he put two and two together and I was in very deep water._

"_Your name," he said curtly._

"_My name?" I asked after a few moments of silence, silently thanking the deities that Randy hadn't figured out my secret. "What does my name have to do with anything we have been talking about?"_

"_Nothing, it's just always bugged me," he said with a shrug._

"_Oh, this is rich," John scoffed with a slight chuckle, appearing to be in slight disbelief over his friend's sudden topic change. And to be honest, I was as well._

"_Well, if you must know, or even care to, it is a portmanteau," I said matter-of-factly, still not seeing the big interest. I knew that it wasn't a very common name, like John… or I guess even Randal. But I guess that I was just used to it. It took awhile, as most of my friends had common names like Natalie or Anne._

"_Okay… now another question: what the fuck is a portmanteau?" Randy asked. "Is it like the opposite of it being a name from the Bible or something?"_

"_How the fuck did you come up with that?" John asked with a laugh and I had to fight the urge to chuckle myself. It was true that many popular names (and some obscure ones) were chosen based on sacred texts. Not in this case though._

"_Oh and like you know what portman-whatever means?" he asked his friend who was still trying to stop his laughter._

"_No clue but I know it is not that," he replied as he got some semblance of control. I still couldn't believe that we were talking about this, but it seemed to have lightened the mood considerably. Randy was actually almost glaring like his normal jerk self… not the scary, rampaging Randy that we were inflicted with for awhile._

"_A portmanteau is when two words are combined to make one," I explained as simply as I could. "You know? Like 'brunch'?"_

"_Oh" was all Randy could mutter before John started his laughter anew, muttering something about the Bible through his cackles._

"_I was named for both of my grandmothers – Nancy and Michelle," I said with a small smile. "My mother came up with the idea and voil__à, my name was formed."_

"_That's cute," John said with a smile._

"_Stupid is more like it," Randy muttered and my expression and mood sunk even lower. I had to admit: I didn't like my name that much when I was younger. But when I heard the story of how it came about, I knew that it was one of the lasting imprints I had of my mother in my life. I could barely remember her and it was always a fitting tribute to her life. I was proud of my name and what it stood for._

"_I thought it was too," I said with a sullen look as I remembered the few memories I actually had with my mother. "But my mother…"_

"_Must have been on drugs when she came up with it," Randy said with a laugh, but I didn't sense any real malice in his tone. He was just being his normal self, but it was too bitter of a pill to swallow and I felt a tear stain my cheek. John knew about my mother's death and was quick to pull me close to him. "What'd I say?"_

"_Rand, don't," John said softly as I buried my head into John's chest, trying my hardest to fight an emotional breakdown that I felt surging within me. Yet as soon as I was about to fully let go, a loud ring sounded through the compartment, scaring me out of John's arms and against the doors._

_All three of us looked at each other in shock as we tried to get our heart rates to return to normal. We looked around for the source and were only slightly scared when the noise went off one more time. We all locked on to the phone at the same time and grabbed for the receiver. John was the first to get it and put it to his ear._

"_Hello… oh yes sir, we… uh-huh, we we're just having a minor… yes, I know…"_

_Whatever the man on the other end was telling him, it didn't sound good. I guess the hotel finally noticed that one of their elevators was stalled. It took long enough! As John continued to vehemently argue with the hotel employee, I turned as Randy started to head over my way. He looked down at me with a sullen look of his own as he reached out and wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks. He looked like a totally different man standing in front of me._

"_I'm sorry for whatever…"_

"_It wasn't your fault," I murmured softly, raising my hand to stop his apology. "I'm still overly sensitive about my mother's death and any…"_

"_Fuck, I swear I didn't know," he attested as he pulled me to him and into an embrace._

"_I know, I mean - how could you?" I asked rhetorically with a laugh. "It's not something I like to talk about."_

"_I'm still sorry Nam… for everything," he replied, completing the total one hundred and eighty degree turn in personality. I leaned up and kissed him lightly on the cheek, happy to see that old (less scary) Randy was resurfacing. Now, if it could only stay this way, maybe this trip would go by more smoothly. Angry Randy could definitely throw a wrench into many a good time as just proven._

"_No need to apologize, but I thank you for it," I said with a small smile that was quickly returned. "Now, no more yelling. It doesn't look good on you."_

"_That's not possible babe," he replied in his normal arrogant way. "I make everything look good. You said so yourself."_

"_I said no such thing," I said with a smile, returning his joking manner._

"_Ah yes, but you did say I was quite sexy," he said with a huge grin. "Same thing."_

"_It is not," I said. _

_Yet before we could get any further in our childish argument, we felt the elevator come to life under our feet once more. We looked over and saw that John had just hung up the phone with a huge groan. It sounded like the people at the front desk didn't take too kindly to this elevator being occupied for so long._

"_So, how much shit we in?" Randy asked, his normal smirk becoming a permanent fixture on his face._

"_No clue, but let's just say that I think we should try and avoid the concierge desk at all costs," he replied with a grin of his own, happy to see that some resolution had come and that better moods had prevailed._

_It seemed like this whole blowup and breakdown was exactly what we needed to push some feelings aside. With Randy, I didn't know how long his good (or as good as any Orton) behavior would last. It seemed like he was in a better state of mind just from this little outburst, but looks could be deceiving. I guess I was the ultimate proof of that, even though I was coming to question how many people actually saw me as a wrestler for life. The number was probably a single digit… probably a single entity at most (and he was just fooling himself because he's blinded by love)._

_The elevator dinged and the doors finally slid open, revealing an empty hallway on the other side. The three of us piled out with smiles on our faces, a big difference to when we entered the compartment a little while ago._

"_So you going to come and join us in our room or go and see if Adam's in?" John asked with a grin as if he already knew the answer._

"_Probably the latter," I said with a smile as I pushed myself out from in between the two massive bodies surrounding me. "I haven't gotten a chance to spend much time with him today."_

"_Yeah and I really don't want another one of my opponents tomorrow to be in a bad mood," John said with a laugh. "I do want to get out of the ring alive."_

"_I'll see you guys around," I said with a smile as I stopped in front of my room's door. _

_Both men stopped and gave me a small embrace before continuing their way down the hallway, still discussing something or other about tomorrow's match. I was just happy that it seemed the roommates and best friends were actually on speaking terms again. Yet I knew that it was too quick of a total reversal in attitude. Randy still had some bitter feelings and swirling emotions buried deep inside and I just hoped that they didn't come out for all of our sakes._

_I slid the key card in the door and pushed it open, instantly being met with the beautiful tones of my boyfriend's voice._

"_Are they still in there… are you sure that she… and the staff says that the elevator is…"_

_I smiled as I silently shut the door. It seemed like the word traveled fast about our slight entrapment. I set my bag and key down on the vanity and tried to sneak up on Adam. His back was to me as he was looking out of the sliding door at the view of Florence. Yet I was stupid enough to forget that glass is a reflective surface and he quickly spun around with a smile on his face._

"_Hey Ric? Nam, just arrived so I'm guessing that they are back as well… uh-huh… you too man. Bye."_

"_So, what have you heard?" I asked with a small grin as he threw his cell phone on a nearby and chair and advanced on me._

"_Oh, just that my girlfriend was last seen entering an elevator that seemingly got stuck for a long period of time that also encased one John Cena and Randy Orton," he said with a questioning grin, before placing a deep kiss on my lips. I quickly fell into it and brought my hands up and into his hair. Yet he quickly pulled back and stared down at me once more. "So… what happened?"_

"_John and Randy needed some time to work through things," I said truthfully. "I was just an innocent bystander."_

"_Innocent bystanders usually don't tear up, beautiful," he said as ran his thumb across my still damp cheek and observed my slightly pink eyes. "So, what really happened?"_

"_I'd rather not discuss it," I said with a sigh as I detangled myself from him and walked a few paces to take his former spot, looking at the cityscape. _

_I didn't know if Adam was going to drop the subject, yet I prayed he did. I knew that he still was having trust issues, but he had to believe that nothing would happen between two of his friends and myself. He knew exactly where I stood in my relationships with both men, so I highly doubted he could be thinking that anything other than PG-13 activities went on in our enclosure. I wasn't lost in my thoughts too long as I saw Adam's reflection come up right behind me in the glass. He wrapped his arms around my waist and tugged me snug against his chest, his mouth breathing warm air right next to my ear._

"_You have a nice day?" Adam asked, kissing down the length of my neck, making words become harder and harder to formulate. I definitely liked the change in questioning, especially when it was coupled with his present actions._

"_Uh-huh," I mumbled out, as he sucked gently at the base knowing that it drove me crazy. I leaned my head back so it was resting on his chest as he continued his pleasant torture._

"_You ready for a better night?" he posed, pulling back to admire the slight red mark that was forming on my skin._

"_Uh-hu…"_

_Before I could get the same reply out of my mouth, I was spun around and picked up into Adam's arms. With our lips attached, he walked the short distance to the bed and gently laid me down upon it. He quickly followed and soon we were lost in the passion of the moment. But the earlier encounter with Randy and John was still on my mind, even while my body was beginning to fully succumb to Adam. After almost divulging everything to two of his friends, I knew that I had to try and make Adam see the truth. He deserved to know no matter what the consequences may be._

"_Adam... please," I murmured as I pushed up against his chest when he tried to unzip the back of my dress. He gave me a confused look that I returned with a small smile before pushing myself free and into a sitting position. He sat next to me and regarded my change of demeanor with true befuddlement. I really couldn't blame him._

"_Do you think we could talk for a minute?" I asked softly, looking down at my feet instead of at him._

"_Is this about the elevator incident because…"_

"_No, don't be ridiculous," I answered with a laugh. "I mean… yes, it has to do with something that I said to them but not in the way I think you are thinking."_

"_Okay, now you lost me," he said with a chuckle as he shimmied so we were sitting side by side, taking my hand in his. "Now, try once again and maybe use smaller words or something."_

"_Adam, I…"_

_I turned and looked into his eyes and everything I wanted to say faded away. It was much like my previous discussion with Jeff. The words would not come out of my mouth. I felt like there were two voices in my head pulling me in opposite directions. Or maybe it was more like in cartoons when a character has an angel and devil on either shoulder trying to tempt the character to do things their way? That was exactly what I was feeling. My good conscience knew that I should tell him about my story and try to reason with him. I wanted him to understand before it was too late and my time was beginning to run out. Yet the little devil which was my selfish inner voice was making more sense. I only had a few weeks left and I had kept up the charade for this long. What was a few more days?_

_Well… we all knew who won out in the end and I honestly don't think it was a good thing._

* * *

Friday August 24, 2007  
3:25 PM – Nami's Apartment

"I can't believe it! You're really going back?"

"Well, it seems as if the wrestling bug has bit me once again."

I laughed as I stared down at the signed WWE contract in my hands made out to one Chris Irvine. This was Chris's big secret that he had been keeping from me for over a month. With this new deal in place, his band trying to record new material, and of course his family life, he didn't have as much time to visit New York as he had previously thought. This was the first time that we had seen each other since late June. Yet I had enough stuff at work to keep me busy. I was happy to say that my book was coming along very smoothly. No major problems which made my stress level lower than it should've been for a release of this magnitude. But I didn't want to think about my work today. I took the half-day off so I could spend it with my friend and that is what I planned on doing.

"So you were just burned out?" I asked, as I handed the contract back to its rightful owner. "Sort of like Jeff was when he left?"

"Yeah, I just did it a little more gracefully," he said with a small grin. "Speaking of which, I have an extra ticket to Summerslam on Sunday. You in?"

"Ha, that's a good one Chris," I said sarcastically as I got up from my couch to refill both of our drinks. "Fucking hilarious."

"Adam and Jeff are both not going to be there," Chris answered with a sigh. "And it's not like I am asking you to go backstage or anything. It's right down the road so you can't use traveling as an excuse."

I groaned as I listened to him speak from the other room. I poured myself another glass of wine and grabbed another bottle of beer for Chris before reentering the main room of my apartment. He was looking at me with a look that I knew so well. I had seen it on the faces of many of my friends and family the past few months. It was a look of frustration. I knew that I was being stubborn, but I had come so far and I couldn't relent now.

Adam was of course out with his injury. The surgery went well and he supposedly (well, according to Chris anyway) took his sling off after the first week. I found that quite dangerous but Chris just shrugged it off, saying that Adam knows his body and its limitations and he wouldn't do anything to halt his rehabilitation. Yeah, but I also knew that Adam was stubborn as hell and probably wasn't taking much to the idea of being stuck on the sidelines. I just prayed that he wasn't stupid enough to overwork his newly repaired muscle.

Jeff on the other hand had been absent from the Raw broadcasts for a month now. Chris didn't have any information on as to why because their relationship was only ever professional. Thus I relied on Danielle and her extensive web surfing for knowledge on his absence. At first it was due to him having outstanding injuries that needed time to heal. Only a few days after that report was released, it was somewhat confirmed that his absence was actually due to a Wellness Policy violation. Upon hearing that news, my cell phone was instantaneously in my hand with Jeff's number on the screen. Even so, I could never get myself to actually make the call. I did however buy my former best friend a card for his upcoming birthday, but all I had been able to write so far was his name. I still had a few days before I had to mail it. I just wished I could come up with some words to write by then.

Chris grabbed the new bottle from my hand and was about to speak some more, but he decided against it. I nodded happily and sat back down next to him, taking a huge sip of my wine. This was supposed to be getting easier, but everyday they were the first thing that I thought about when I woke up and the last thing I saw when I fell asleep. I just prayed that it wasn't the other way around. I had brought this on myself, but they didn't deserve any pain or unrest.

"So… turning to a subject that you might actually talk to me about without getting into a huff, I think I am the one who has to start doing the thanking," Chris said with a smile. I looked at him quizzically until he pulled out a large envelope addressed to him from Hachette. "I don't know how you were able to do it, but I'm eternally grateful."

It took some doing, but after speaking to Bob Castillo on behalf of Chris and Melanie, I was able to convince him to sanction an edit of A _Lion's Tale._ Once he saw the few changes that Chris wanted to implement, along with the fact that the Benoit tragedy was still a common news story and didn't look to be fading from the public eye, he realized that for the sake of the integrity of Chris's words it needed to be done. I hadn't told Chris about it as I figured that was for Melanie to do. After all, it was her letter of recommendation that was the final straw in the edits being allowed. I'm sure that the edits would have been made even if I hadn't gone to see Mr. Castillo myself, but I figured that every little bit helped.

"It was a team effort," I said with a smile. "And besides, after everything you have done the past few months, I am still in your debt."

"How about we just call ourselves even?" he said as pulled his newly edited manuscript from the envelope and flipped through the pages.

"We are so not even close to being even, but…"

My statement was interrupted by the apartment's buzzer. I wasn't expecting anyone, but figured that Danielle might be stopping by for something or another. Hachette gave its employees half days on summer Fridays, making it feasible that she would want to stop by. She didn't know that Chris was going to be visiting this weekend and I wasn't in the office this morning. I got up from the couch and went over to my door. I pushed the intercom's button.

"Hello?"

"'Ey, I hope I have the right place, but I was looking for my friend…"

My hand slipped off of the button on the intercom and my mouth fell open in shock. I was happy that I had yet put a nameplate next to my room's button on the outside panel. Even with the slight static and alteration that the intercom produced, I would know that voice anywhere. What was he doing here? How was he here? I knew that the answer could be summed up in one word: Chris. I turned away from the door to stare down my friend, but found that he was right behind me. He reached around me and hit the button once more.

"Hey man, come on up."

Chris hit the button to open the apartment complex's doors before I had a chance to react. I quickly moved away from the door, knowing that I had only a few moments before he made it up the flights of stairs and was at my actual door.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked venomously as I paced around the small confines of my room, realizing that there was no way out.

"I've told you that he's needed to see a friendly face, especially now," Chris pleaded as he leaned against the door in wait. "He still hasn't really gotten over everything and…"

"He has many friends! And I doubt that I am at the top of the list of people he wants to see," I said, even though I knew that it was probably a lie.

I just couldn't get it to fully process in my mind: Adam was here! He was here in New York. He was here in my apartment complex! He would soon be here in my apartment! I couldn't deal with that. I couldn't even call him to talk, even after all of the motivation from Chris. But now, without any preparation, Adam was going to actually be here.

"Come on Nam, you know that you could be," Chris pleaded, seeing my distress was multiplying by the minute. "Just talk with him. He misses you."

"And you honestly think that I don't miss him? But that…"

A knock at the door halted the rest of the words from leaving my mouth. I saw Chris push off of the door and get ready to open it. I took a deep breath and knew that I had a split second to think of what to do. I looked around my small apartment and knew what I would have to do.

"I swear if you tell him where I am…" I started before quickly pulling my couch slightly away from the wall and squeezing behind it. Hey, it worked for John when he was hiding from Randy and it would work for me. I just hoped that Chris wouldn't spill my secret. I crawled slowly so I was completely hidden and waited to hear confirmation of my ex-boyfriend's arrival.

"Hey, nice sling."

"Heh, like I haven't heard that one before. Besides, it's only for when I am out in public."

It was the first time that I had heard his voice since his last Smackdown broadcast a month ago. And it was the first time that I heard him speaking as "Adam" since our last phone call in early May. I sighed silently and hoped that this would be as painless as possible. But knowing that Chris was the one who planned this whole thing, I doubted it highly. He wanted me and Adam to see each other again. Maybe it was just that he was sick of being the middle man – I don't know. What I do know is that this is not the way I pictured it. And I certainly knew that it wasn't how Adam pictured it.

"So, you alone?" Adam asked as I felt weight press down and lean back on the couch. I just prayed that neither of the men leaned back too far. There wasn't much room between myself and the wall to begin with.

"Yeah," Chris said with a small sigh, which I knew was directed at me and my reluctance to speak with Adam. "I'm just staying at my friend's apartment while I am in town."

"Oh… wasn't it a woman that answered the…"

"You know those things," Chris said, thankfully interrupting Adam's query. At least, it seemed like my secret was safe. I just hoped that Adam didn't go snooping around the room, because he would certainly find something that would give my identity away. "Voice distortion is a prerequisite."

"Oh," Adam said, and from his tone I could tell he wasn't buying it. "How's everything with the fam?"

"Everything's great. Jess is still a little tentative about me going back on the road again, you know now with the three kids instead of one," Chris said with a small laugh. "But I've assured her that it's not going to take over my life again. But you know me, that'll probably be shattered as soon as I step foot back in the ring."

"Most likely," Adam confirmed.

From the way they were talking, it seemed like it was going to be awhile before I could move freely in my own home. This wasn't like the time when I covered for John when Randy was at the dressing room door. This was two friends having a friendly conversation only a few inches from where I was hiding. I didn't know how long I would be able to last and I hoped that Chris would take my obvious discomfort into mind.

"How are things with you?" Chris asked as I tried to find the most comfortable position to lie in. It wasn't working that well, but it seemed like it would be a long time.

"Things are actually pretty good," he answered in a content tone and I really wished that I could see him without being seen. Selfish I know, but I missed him immensely. "My injury has given me a lot more down time to visit the Motherland."

"I'm about to head up there myself for a few weeks," Chris responded. "Lance is going to help get the ring rust off."

"We should all meet up sometime. Maybe I can even get Jay to make the trip," Adam replied. Lance Storm was another wrestling friend of the group whom I never met, but sure heard a lot about. He now ran a wrestling school in Calgary. Just another instance of how the wrestling business never really leaves a person, especially if it is your one true passion.

"Good times. So, what about the female companionship department?" Chris asked and I had to stifle a surprised groan. I should've known that this would happen sooner rather than later. "Any progress?"

"I have to admit that I have been seeing someone," Adam replied in a slightly sheepish tone. I knew that I should be happy that he was moving on, but it didn't stop my heart from feeling like it was breaking all over again in my chest.

"Oh really?" Chris asked. I wished that there was I way I could get him to stop with his casual inquisition. I noticed that my purse was lying on the floor and with a little fidgeting would be in arm's reach. That meant that my cell phone was only a few feet away. But did I really want to risk being caught so I could shut Chris up?

"Just casual dating as of right now though," Adam continued. "I don't think I can handle another relationship yet."

"Still not over it?"

Okay… Chris needed to be stopped… and quickly!

"Hard to get over something that you're not sure if it ever ended," Adam replied as I silently inched my way closer to the one end of the couch. I hoped that it was the side my ex-boyfriend was occupying as then he wouldn't be able to see my arm reach for the bag. I continued to make my way as Adam kept on talking about things I really didn't want to hear. "She just left. And I've tried to find her, even though I'm not so sure of what I would say if I ever did. It has been so long and our last conversation didn't really end. I thought that maybe I was getting through to her, but she just hung up. A few days later when I finally got up enough nerve to call her to give her a real piece of my mind, the number was rejected. I should've known she would change it again. I should've called her right back after she hung up with me that night, and it is something that is going to haunt me for awhile."

"I'm sure she wouldn't want you to feel that way," Chris replied, cutting off Adam's words.

As I felt the first few tears sting the corners of my eyes, I made it to my bag. Right now, I wasn't going for stealth. I just wanted Chris to shut the fuck up and get Adam out of here. I didn't want to hear any of this. I didn't want to hear the pain in his words and know that I put it there. It just made everything so much more real (not like it had been some fucking fantasy before, but I could at least make believe it was in the corners of my mind).

"You know I finally thought that I had found the person who could complete me," Adam continued, as I pulled the bag noisily behind the couch. Luckily, neither man seemed to notice as he just continued on with his speech. "I've never been a totally sappy person, but… Nami made me feel things that I didn't think were possible. Not all of it was good mind you, but… one look in her eyes and I felt whole. And now she is nowhere to be found."

While Adam was speaking, I pulled my cell phone out from under the massive amount of junk that made up my purse. I quickly flipped the text message function up and hit Chris's number. I knew that he had his phone on him as it had interrupted our visit twice earlier in the day. I just hoped that he would read it.

"_Get Adam out of here now! I don't need to hear anymore of this!"_

I sent the message and heard Chris's phone chime, signaling that my message was delivered. I heard as Adam stopped speaking and presumably Chris read his message.

"It important?" Adam asked. I didn't know what was going on because the next thing Chris said didn't sound like an answer to Adam's question.

"Maybe she just needed some time away. Maybe she's just waiting for the _perfect opportunity_ to return," he continued, highlighting the words 'perfect opportunity' by raising his voice a little.

I was getting his return message loud and clear and he didn't even need to text a response. This was his plan from the very beginning and he was not about to let up now. And I was stupid enough to fall right into it.

"You don't know her man," Adam replied with a slight chuckle. "She is… the most confusing, infuriating, caring, loveable person I have ever known. Half the time, I was totally oblivious to what she was feeling yet… I still felt like I knew her fully. There were times when she would look at me and I knew that there was something she wanted to say. I could see it in her eyes, you know? Maybe this was what she was trying to tell me."

I fumbled with the phone in my hand, all the while brushing a few stray tears from my eyes. Here I went again, getting broken up over a guy who I could probably become close to again if I just tried. I didn't know why I was hiding so much anymore. Sure there was the fucking contract that I signed, but I wasn't one to follow every rule. Besides, I had sort of broken it already by being in contact with Chris. So how would Adam be any different? But then the fact that Adam had no clue about the story came into my mind and I was back to being a cowardly idiot. I figured that as soon as he found out, he would hate me forever. It wasn't as if I threw all of my friends under a bus and wrote a horrible take on the business as a whole, it was pretty much the opposite. But I still betrayed all of their trust and I didn't know if I could ever come back from that.

"There was just something about her, and I can't move on without any real closure," he said. I could tell that not only had Chris been my confidant the past few months, but he had been one of Adam's as well. "I guess I should feel like there was some semblance of it after our final phone call, but… part of me wants to hang on to what once was. I want to believe that it's not over until I want it to be over."

"I have an idea," Chris said, speaking for the first time in awhile. I silently prayed that this idea would be about leaving the apartment and giving me some peace. I highly doubted it, but a girl could hope, couldn't she? "Why don't you pretend that she is here right now? Tell me exactly what you would want to tell her."

"Are fucking insane or something?" I couldn't have said it better myself, so I didn't even try and text him a reply.

"You said you needed closure," Chris replied. "You have to let your feelings out before you can try and move on. So… let them out. It will help."

"Oh, so I see you've become a psychiatrist in your time away from the ring?" Adam asked sardonically and I had to stifle a laugh.

"Hey, I'm only trying to help," Chris said, defending his stupid idea that I knew Adam would never go along with. "You can't bottle everything up. You have something to say… say it! You've said it yourself that finding her is a total fucking mission impossible."

"It won't help bro," he said with a sigh, and I knew that he was close to caving.

I pulled up the text menu on my phone again and quickly typed a three word message (_"Just drop it")_ to my soon to be former friend. I heard the chime go off once again and hoped that this time he took my message to heart.

"Just do it," Chris said, subtracting two letters from my message to make it his own. "You said yourself you don't know what you would say to her. So, let's just say you see her sometime in the near future. Are you going to miss out on your opportunity to try and come to grips with this… or are you going to be left with regrets just like you say you are about your last conversation?"

"Thanks Dr. Phil," Adam muttered sarcastically, but also in a tone that reflected his annoyance that his friend would not drop the issue. If only he knew that this persistence was less about him and more about the fact that I was in earshot. I just wished that for once in his life, Chris would give up on something. It didn't look like that was going to happen anytime soon. "The way you are talking, you make it seem like I'm going to walk out of here and bump into her."

"You never know. New York isn't that big of a city. And didn't you say that she worked at a publishing firm here?" Chris asked.

"Yeah, Hachette, but I've already tried that path," Adam said with a sigh. "She doesn't work there anymore."

"Oh really?" he asked in a tone that almost gave away that he knew more about this situation than he was leading on.

"_Stop sounding so shady."_

I quickly sent the message just as Chris was about to speak some more. I hoped that maybe I would be able to get through to him that Adam wasn't that dumb. If he kept leading him on like this, he would find out that something was up. And the fact that one of his closest friends was keeping a secret of this magnitude from him… I'm sure it wouldn't go over well.

"Yeah, I mean I know she quit, or at least said she did, when she worked at the WWE," Adam replied with some uncertainty in his voice. It was hard to really gage reactions when you couldn't see the speaker's face, but I was trying the best I could. I did know these two men pretty well. "I thought that maybe they would at least have a clue where she was, but they didn't."

That was because it came down from the top that my whereabouts were supposed to be on a need to know basis. I was still an employee of the company and was actually working on a new piece. But as far as the general public was concerned (if they even were concerned), I was no longer employed at Hachette. I had heard rumors from a few of the assistants that there had been a few calls inquiring about my location. I just paid them no heed.

"That sucks," Chris said, probably trying to guilt me into to talking by his choice of words and tone.

"Tell me about it," Adam said with a slight sigh. "So, what are your plans for tonight?"

Thank God the subject had been changed!

"So you're not going to do it?"

Shut the fuck up, Chris!

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Adam inquired slightly bitter and for good reason. I hoped he laid into him real bad for constantly bringing me up. Adam was moving on… slowly but surely. And I… well, I was trying my best to not let all my mixed emotions overtake me. "I've spent enough time trying to come to terms with her and all of the shit she did. I wrote her a letter, even had the guts to send it too. But the only address I had was her father's place and as far as I know, she never got it. At least, she didn't have it by the last time we spoke."

I could see the white envelope poking out of my purse. For the first time in a month, I wanted to open it up and get it over with. I wanted to read all of the horrible things that he probably said about me and be done with it. Then every outstanding thread could be seen as being cut. I could be totally free to move on. But that is not what I wanted, just like I had to believe it wasn't what Adam wanted. So, it would remain unread… at least for the time being.

"I see," Chris replied in a quite sullen voice. It seemed that finally he was getting it through his thick skull that he couldn't play puppet master. Adam and I were both too stubborn to be controlled by words alone. "What do you say we get out of here? You up for it?"

"If you are talking about my injury, no need in worrying," Adam said as I felt some pressure lifting off of the couch. "Everything is going smoothly. I've been rehabbing it and everything looks good for a November return."

"Just in time for my return as well," Chris replied as I felt more weight be lifted from the fabric. "Maybe we could get a program going seeing as I probably will be returning as a face?"

"Yeah, not really sure what Vince has in store for me upon my return," Adam said as I heard retreating footsteps and my front door swing open. "Probably something with Dave and…"

The door slammed shut and my apartment was draped in silence once more. I lied behind the couch for a few moments just to be safe before finally pushing myself up and over the back. I let my head sink into the fabric and took and deep sigh of relief. Adam and I still had many unresolved issues, but today was not the day to address them. I didn't know when would be the day to do it, but it would certainly have to be after the book's release. I needed everything to be out in the open before I could try and get him to see things that I knew would be hard to understand.

I felt my phone vibrate in my hand. I looked down at the screen: _New Text Message from Chris._ I rolled my eyes and flipped open my phone. I hit the accept button and read the words on the screen. It was at that moment when I realized that in terms of debt, Chris and I were now even:

"_This is not over."_


	53. Hide or Dance on Fire and Enjoy the Ride

A.N. - I don't own the WWE or its Superstars. There is a passage in this chapter that is from the September 2007 issue of Pro Wrestling Illustrated. I want to deeply thank everyone who has read, added, and reviewed. **xxHungryeyesxx, Enigmatic Lotus Leaf, KaraAlissa, Farra Sti, nefertina-shanf, SkyyRyder, 2 Die is 2 Live, Fozzy-Floozy, Hatter-Zombie.ate.your.brains, and mwentzcena** - you guys all keep me going with this story and I thank you for all of your support.

It took me awhile to formulate some of the sections of both scenes and one of them is actually thanks to my family making me watch a Yankee game. I used to love baseball but now it has sort of taken the backburner to other things. Anyway, I needed some inspiration to write cause I was feeling pretty down over a few things in my life. I was hardly paying attention to the game, trying to think of how to write the last half of this chapter when Johnny Damon came up to bat with _Metalingus_ blaring throughout Yankee Stadium. If that wasn't divine intervention or what (cause he has like four different songs supposedly)! I started singing along and everyone in the room thought I was nuts. So yeah... enough of my little random story. I know some people are getting frustrated with Nami's behavior and trust me, this chapter will probably be the worst of it. She's coming around... just very slowly. Peace and Love!

* * *

_Tuesday April 17, 2007  
7:10 AM – Milan, Italy_

_It was way too early to be up after the night we all had just a few hours ago. The Raw taping went off without any problems. Everyone's moods seemed to be much brighter than they had been for the first few days. Everything in general was just running smoothly. Of course, those are the times when trouble is always seemingly lurking around the corner. I pretty much had it pegged that it would start with a certain Legend Killer. _

_After his outburst in Florence a few days ago, things quieted down. John and Randy seemed to patch up whatever problems they had. John assured me that it was just Randy being Randy – an excuse that I had heard many times before. Yet I would try to buy into it. The match that night in Florence went pretty well. I could tell that Randy was working a little stiff, but nothing that was too noticeable. The only reason I could really pick it up was because after the match, Adam was complaining of a tweaked shoulder. It was probably from when Randy 'accidently' Irish whipped him into the turnbuckle._

_Yet the match in Torino the next night looked even better. It was the same booking: John Cena versus Edge and Randy Orton. Even though the outcomes were the same, it looked like all three men were working better together. I hoped that those compatible feelings would last the full trip. Yet we were only a third of the way in and in this business, I've learned that anything's possible._

_Last night's Raw was in Milan. I was amazed at how many different cities we would be traveling to on the tour. It left little time for true sightseeing yet I was taking in as much as I could. The show itself went pretty well. I actually had to participate in a WWE Diva Fashion Contest. Yet after all the fun and games, I did get to perform a pretty wicked unprettier on Melina. That's what she gets for beating my ass every night in the ring… just kidding (well, not really about the ass kicking part)._

_The main event for the show was pretty much the same as every house show with John coming out on top. And on top of all of that, Jeff ended up losing in his match with Lance Cade. He had both Matt and I in his corner. I was still wearing my skintight scarlet Italian designer dress complete with huge stiletto heels (that were a size too small). So let's just say I was very happy that it was only a five minute match. The shoes killed my feet, but I did like the effect that the outfit had on a certain Rated R Superstar. That was the only reason I decided to keep it on all night._

_After a few hours of drinking and carousing after the show, Adam and I had our own private festivities up in our hotel room. By the time our heads hit the pillows with the intent of sleep on our minds, the LCD lights of the alarm clock were flashing 4:30. Funny when we had the alarm set for 4:45. So needless to say, I was already run down. I had no clue how the others were able to do it. Adam swears that coffee works, but it has been having little effect on my psyche._

"_You can sleep now beautiful. I'll wake you when we arrive."_

_I smiled hazily at my boyfriend as he wrapped his arm around my sitting form. The whole Raw roster, Superstars and crew members, were taking a chartered plane to Rome for the house show tonight. __Well… not the whole roster seeing as a certain best friend of mine was staying in the city for the Smackdown taping tonight. Normally that would mean I would be staying as well, but with my singles push, valeting duties were becoming second priority. Oh how I longed for the simple days once again._

"_I'll be able to sleep once the plane is in the air," I murmured as I buried my face into his chest, breathing in everything that was Adam Copeland. He chuckled and placed a light kiss on the top of my head before leaning back in his seat._

"_Nothing's going to happen," he said softly. "No need to worry."_

"_It's not so much worrying. It's more that I like to know my surroundings at all times," I muttered as I grabbed his cardboard container of coffee and took a small sip. I didn't need too much caffeine in my system._

"_Well, as nearest as I can tell, your 'surroundings' aren't going to change," he whispered into my ear, taking the cup from my hands. "You are still going to be here in my arms, whether it is at the terminal or thousands of feet in the air."_

"_Ugh," I grunted as I pulled back enough to free my hand and bring it up to his face. I lightly cupped and pinched both cheeks together in my hand, squishing his face together. "Why do you have to be so damn cute all the time?"_

_I let go of my hold and leaned in to take his lips in mine. He smiled against my lips before returning the gesture and pulling me fully on top of him. He brought his hands up to rest on the small of my back, grinding our bodies closer together and pulling me into an even deeper kiss. My arms wound themselves around his neck, fingers immediately lightly running through the hair I loved so much. _

_Even in this much of a groggy state, I was able to respond ardently to Adam's kiss. It was warm… more like fiery with our tongues both dancing together in total bliss. Everything else that could've been running through my mind vanished. There was only Adam and the passion we were sharing. Nothing else around us registered. Well, not until I felt something thrown overtop my form. We both broke the kiss and looked up at the dark blue fabric that was enclosing us._

_Adam grabbed the blanket and pulled it off of us. We looked around and saw a plane full of people who weren't too happy with our little display of affection. My cheeks quickly flushed red and I shuffled off of my boyfriend's lap and into my seat. He just waved them all off before turning back to me._

"_Don't mind them," he said with a smile. "They're just jealous."_

"_And a little disgusted," Randy imparted loudly, obviously overhearing Adam's comment. I peered over the seat with my blushing face and meekly met his gaze. John lightly whacked him with his magazine before shaking his head._

"_Don't let him bother you, Nam," he said with a grin. "Besides, I thought my idea was working fine."_

_Adam laughed and chucked the blanket back in his direction. It didn't make it that far and landed right into the other John's lap. He had his headphones on and it looked like he was almost asleep. He __angrily turned around, but when he saw my face, his expression softened. We had been on a friendlier basis the past few weeks. He went to hand it back to us, but Adam just shook his head and mouth the word "Cena". He just nodded and lightly tossed it the rest of the way and back to the original possessor._

"_Okay, so back to our original discussion," Adam whispered while my attention once more shifted to him. "Get some rest. You're going to need it for your match tonight."_

"_Well maybe you shouldn't have kept me up so late last night," I mused as I leaned my head against his shoulder, trying to get comfortable._

"_More like this morning," he replied with a laugh. "And don't pin this all on me. You were the one strutting around in that… that… you did get to keep that dress, didn't you?"_

_I laughed at his query and nodded. He grinned down at me in the way that only Adam could do before placing a light kiss on my lips. I smiled and snuggled into his shoulder, letting my eyes drift shut in the process. I felt Adam grasp my left hand in his right and entwine our fingers. I sighed contently and let myself drift off into a blissful rest, knowing that I was safe in his hands._

…_Zzz…Zzz…Zzz…Zzz..._

"_Shh… I don't want to wake Nami up."_

_I groaned slightly as I opened my eyes and looked around. There was only Randy and Adam left on the plane and my boyfriend was in the process of lifting me into his arms. When he got a good grasp on me, he noticed that my eyes were indeed open and his plan for transporting me without my knowledge failed._

"_You could've waked me," I said with a yawn. "It didn't feel like I had slept that long."_

"_That's because you didn't babe," Randy said as he grabbed my bag from the overhead compartment and slung it over his shoulder. "You might want to take a look outside the window."_

_I looked outside and through the black smoke, I saw all of the previous occupants of the plane on the… wait a second: black smoke! I turned my attention back to my boyfriend._

"_What happened to 'no need to worry' huh?" I questioned, pushing out of his hold and falling flat foot on the plane floor. I grabbed my bag off of Randy's shoulder and quickly scurried toward the plane's exit._

"_Beautiful, it's not that bad," Adam attested as he quickly came up behind me, taking a light grasp of my arm. "The engine just caught fire and…"_

"_That's not that bad!" I exclaimed. "Care to explain to me your definition of the word 'bad' then because I certainly think that a flammable engine is included."_

"_Actually, I don't think that exact term is found in Webster's dictionary, but I could be wrong," Randy said with a smirk as he caught up to the two of us._

"_Like you've ever even owned a dictionary," I muttered as I hastily swung my arm out of my boyfriend's grasp and walked down the stairs, exiting the airplane._

"_She lives," the Champ muttered as I flounced out of the plane and threw my bag on the ground in annoyance. "Someone's a little cranky this morning."_

"_Probably her time of the month," Randy muttered as both he and Adam exited the plane as well. _

_I shot him a death glare yet before I could say anything in response, I heard my phone ringing. I had no clue who would be calling at this hour - both here and back home. I quickly unzipped one compartment and pulled my cell out just in time to catch the call._

"_Isn't it really early in the morning?"_

"_Hello to you, too. And for your information it is only around two – not so bad. I just finished watching Raw. Proud to see that you are still using my finisher and haven't moved on to the spear yet."_

_I chuckled and almost forgot about my outright contempt for the situation I was in at the moment… oh and also my small loathsome feelings toward a certain Legend Killer._

"_Don't count on that happening," I said glumly, the tone not directed toward Jay but more toward everything around me. "I'm quite happy with the moves I already know."_

"_Uh-oh, is something wrong this early in the trip?" he asked mockingly. "Please don't tell me Adam is being an ass already. He usually saves that for the last few days."_

"_I won't tell him you said that… besides I am a little miffed at him right now," I replied, shooting my boyfriend a bothered look._

"_Miffed?" Jay asked jokingly._

"_Hey, it's not my fault that the engine caught fire," Adam attested, loud enough that his best friend could hear on the other end._

"_You've got to be shitting me," he said with a laugh. "Your plane is on fire? That's fucking hilarious."_

"_You are so not helping," I muttered as I started to pace slightly. _

_I wasn't afraid of flying… well, I was in a way. As soon as I was up in the air, everything was great. But all the stuff in between the land and the clouds made me quite nervous. This experience was certainly not going to help me get over my fear any._

"_They are getting us another one," Adam said, trying to soothe my nerves. "Everything will be fine."_

"_If you think for one second that I am going to get on another plane, you are sorely mistaken," I said staring right into my boyfriend's eyes._

"_Hate to burst your bubble, but how exactly are you going to get back to the States then?" Jay asked with a laugh._

"_I will hang up the phone," I said warningly. "Besides, haven't you ever heard of a thing called a 'boat'?"_

"_You ever heard of a thing called the 'Titanic'?" Randy asked teasingly, which caused more laughter from the other end of the phone._

"_I am so happy that I called," Jay said, fighting the laughter that was continuing to spill out._

"_Well, then why don't you make yourself useful and find out how long it takes to drive from Milan to Rome," I said sternly into the phone, trying to find any way to travel that didn't have to deal with planes._

"_Isn't there someone, I don't know perhaps, in Italy you can ask?" he asked sarcastically. "You are there after all."_

"_You do know that it will take you ten seconds to find it online," I remarked in the same tone._

"_You are not driving Nam," Adam said, coming over to stand in front of my pacing path. I glared up at him. "You can barely drive at home nevertheless in a foreign country. You do know that they drive on the other side of the road here right?"_

"_Then you can drive me," I said dismissively. "You're used to it being Canadian and all."_

"_You know that I am all for flashing my Canadian card, but I'm getting on the plane, just like you are going to," he answered in a pretty serious tone as well._

"_Listen to him Nam," Jay replied on the other end. "I've seen you drive. You'd probably even be safer in the burning plane."_

"_I can see why you two are friends," I said, brushing past my boyfriend in a huff._

"_Who you talking to?" Adam asked as he spun me back around._

"_Who do you think?" I asked, answering his question with a question knowing that that drove him insane._

"_I was going to guess Jeff, but your last comment sort of dispelled that notion," he said with a smile._

"_I'll let you know if you find out how long it's going to take for you to drive us to Rome," I said with pleading smile. "I promise I will make it up to you."_

"_As tempting as that last part of your offer sounds, we can't," he said, pulling me to him. "We have a show tonight remember? We can't afford to spend hours just traveling there."_

"_He's right," Jay said into my ear. "Especially since I found out that it takes six hours to get there from Milan."_

"_Six hours isn't so bad," I said hopefully. "We could be on the road a little bit after eight and with good traffic…"_

"_It's not happening," Adam said, taking the phone away from my ear. "And stop giving her these stupid ideas to begin with… Hey man, I didn't know it was you. What are you still doing up?"_

_I tuned out of their conversation and looked back toward my other friends on the roster. None of them looked too pleased by this incident either yet were taking it in stride. I came up alongside of Cena and leaned my head on his shoulder. He looked down and wrapped him arm around me, pulling me closer. I knew that maybe if I played my cards right, I could find another way to Rome for the night._

"_John, would you…"_

"_He's not going to drive you either," Adam yelled. I turned over my shoulder and shot my boyfriend another glare before looking pleadingly up at the champ._

"_I have to regretfully agree with your boyfriend over there," John said with a small smile. "This was just a freak occurrence and you do know that flying is the safest…"_

"-w_ay to travel," I muttered mockingly finishing his statement for him, before turning to the man next to him. "And I doubt that I could count on you to consider it?"_

"_Normally, I wouldn't pass up a chance to ruffle some of Copeland's feathers, but I do have to be on my best behavior," Randy replied, shooting a fake smile to his best friend. I knew that that crack was more about their ongoing argument and less about my situation._

_I pushed out of John's arms and came to the conclusion that nobody was going to help. There were a few more people I could've asked, but I was sure that the answer would have been the same. I turned back to my boyfriend who was still talking with Jay on the phone. I walked over behind him in an angry huff._

"_So you taping tomorrow?... Two full weeks - that…"_

_I grabbed the phone from Adam's ear before he could finish his statement. I put the phone up to mine and heard more laughter. I figured that Jay guessed what was going on._

"_You really are doing nothing to lighten the mood," I said with a small pout, directed at the blond man standing in front of me._

"_If it makes you feel any better, if I was in Italy with you guys, I would volunteer to drive you," he said._

"_The only reason you are saying that is because you are on the other side of the ocean! You know that if you were here, you would be on the same page as him," I ranted, giving Adam a pointed stare with my last word uttered._

"_So I guess he won't be getting any loving for quite some time," Jay replied jokingly at my harsh tone toward his best friend._

"_He has a hand," I said, looking right into my boyfriend's eyes. "Hopefully he knows how to use it."_

"_Baby, there's nothing to…"_

"-n_othing to worry about?" I finished for Adam in a cynical tone. "Last time you told me that, the plane caught on fire. You sure you want to keep going with that statement?"_

"_Guess not," he said with a sigh._

"_Well, I am going to let you two sort this out on your lonesome," Jay said with a yawn. "I do have to try and get some sleep tonight."_

"_Yeah, yeah… go sleep," I muttered, thinking more about my situation than his._

"_That being said, call me when you land, okay?" he asked. "I know that it's going to be really early here, but I just want to make sure you made it there alright."_

"_See, that statement gives me the assumption that you actually think I am going to be getting on a plane," I replied, totally disregarding the sweet query that Instant Classic posed._

"_I'm sure Adam will be able to convince you," he replied. "Remember to call me."_

"_Alright," I murmured with a sigh. "Get some sleep and I will call you when I somehow make it to Rome."_

"_Okay babe," he said with a chuckle. "Talk to you later."_

"_Bye love," I mumbled as I flipped my phone shut._

_I brushed by Adam once more, ignoring his plea to stop as well as his attempt to grasp my arm. I went back over to where both of my bags now sat and flopped down on the larger one. I was sick of standing around outside, but we had to wait for the new plane to be fueled up and towed over. Or at least that is what the airline worker had been speaking about for the past ten minutes. I knew that I was running out of time and ideas._

"_You going to talk to me like a mature adult or are you going to continue with this 'I hate flying' nonsense?" Adam asked, squatting down so we were eye level once more. I just shoved him away so he fell back, his ass breaking his fall. Both of the men standing above started to laugh as Adam sent a glare my way._

"_Everything okay over here?"_

_We looked up at the new voice belonging to none other than the Nature Boy himself. He gave Adam some help to get back to his feet._

"_Nam is just a little nervous about flying," Adam told the newcomer. That was putting it mildly. "She's still not used to the constant traveling yet and I think it's starting to get to her."_

"_Yeah that and probably the fact that the plane caught fire," Ric replied with a laugh. When he saw how my face instantly soured, his laughter quickly ceased. "There's no need for the long face. They're getting us another plane, one that has all of its parts intact. Trust me, I've been doing this long before you were __even born and have seen my fair share of transportation problems. But I'm still here – stylin' and profilin'."_

_I looked up at him with a small smile, as I realized that he was trying his best to calm my nerves. And deep down, I knew that he was right and I was just overreacting. I still wasn't ready to concede my point though. I just nodded and laid back on my bag, thinking about the options that I had left._

"_Good luck with this one," RIc said as he patted Adam on the back before heading back over to Shawn and some of the veteran crew members._

_I flipped my phone open and started to scroll through the list of contacts. I didn't know who I could call but there had to be someone that could help. I began to lose hope until I came across a name that should have been at the top of my list. If I was in a better mindset, I would have thought of him first. I quickly hit the number and put the phone up to my ear. It wasn't that early and I prayed that he was up._

"_You do realize that it is only eight in the morning? Besides, shouldn't you be in the clouds by now?"_

"_Hard to be up in the air when your plane is sitting on the runway in flames."_

_Okay, so I was being a little overdramatic with that one. You could barely tell that there was anything wrong with the plane anymore now that the small engine fire had been put out. All of the smoke had cleared and they were getting ready to tow it away. Still, my description just added to my desperation. And what he didn't know didn't hurt him._

"_What? What do you mean in flames?"_

"_Engine fire," I muttered. "Luckily, we were on the ground when it happened."_

"_Yeah… they have another plane set for ya'll?"_

"_Yeah, but… I was thinking that I would just stay here with you guys," I said happily. "You could just come by and pick me up and…"_

"_And don't you have a match tonight darlin'? I would love nothing more than to spend some more time with you, but I can't be responsible for you no-showing. We would both be in deep shit if we did."_

_I was hardly listening to Jeff ramble as the new plane arrived in front of my eyes. It was around the same size as the other charter, maybe a little smaller. I gave the machine a look of contempt as I continued to listen to my best friend list off the reasons why he couldn't come and get me. I knew that he was making sense, but I wasn't about to listen to it._

"_I could say that I am not feeling well – smoke inhalation and all," I murmured, trying to come up with any excuse as they started to load the plane with our bags once more. Adam gestured for me to get off of my luggage but I just shook my head._

"_Come on beautiful, they need your bag," Adam said pleadingly. I shook my head once more and leaned back on the material. It didn't last long as I felt myself being lifted up off of my back and into the strong arms of John Cena._

"_I am not getting on that coffin with wings," I said, causing more laughter from the men around me and the one on the other end of my phone._

"_I never knew you were this scared of flying," Jeff said._

"_I'm not… well, it's just that I would like to see my twenty-fourth birthday," I muttered, as John continued to hold me off the ground. I guess they were ready to drag me on the plane against my will if they had to._

"_And you will and we'll have a huge party at Matt's house for it," he replied, trying to get me to think of anything but the plane in front of me. "I'll even get him to invite Adam."_

"_There may be no need for that as we are not really seeing eye to eye at the moment," I responded angrily yet everyone knew that it was all just talk._

"_I doubt you are seeing eye to eye with anyone," Jeff said. "You have to relax Meemz. It was just an accident and it seems like everything is now under control. The flight isn't that long and before you know it, you'll be backstage at the arena in Rome. Just sleep on the flight."_

"_That's what happened the last time and the next thing I know, the plane is aflame," I said as John finally set me down on the asphalt. I gave him a look as he picked my carry-on bag off of the ground and headed toward the plane, where the boarding process had already begun. "It looks like I have to go."_

"_You do that," he replied. "Call me as soon as you land."_

"_Okay," I muttered as I took a deep breath before walking toward the plane. "Love you."_

"_I love you too. Have a nice flight."_

"_Doubt it," I said as I reached the stairs leading to the plane. "Bye."_

_I flipped the phone shut and took another deep breath. I knew that I was acting childish, but come on! The plane was on fire. Talk about rattling the nerves. I was in a foreign country, working for a company that I should have been exposing and now, I felt like I was lucky to be alive. I knew that the fire wasn't that serious as it happened on the ground and away from the fuel tanks. It still made me feel quite mortal._

_I felt two arms wrap around my waist and a familiar feeling of light kisses along the length of my neck. I moved my head away from him, still irritated and not looking forward to getting on the plane. Yet his lips easily found my sweet spot on my neck once more and trailed up toward my hairline._

"_Come on my beautiful drama queen – we've got a flight to catch," Adam murmured, before placing a light kiss on my cheek._

_I let him lightly push me up the stairs and onto the plane. I took one last deep breath and entered the main cabin, retaking our previous seats on this new plane. I got settled in my seat and looked out the window, trying to think of anything but where I was sitting. Adam reached over and grasped my hand __once more in his, bringing it to his lips and kissing each knuckle. I looked back at him and saw he was giving me a slightly pouty look._

"_What?" I asked while he used his grasp on my hand to pull me right up against his chest. _

_He just brought his lips to mine and steadily tried to coax me to loosen up. I tried my best to fight the rising passionate feelings because I was still a little annoyed at him. I knew that I was being unreasonable and he was just trying to help. But… yeah, I really can't explain it. I guess it was just my age shining through. It was times like these when the age gap between thirty-three and twenty-three became apparent. I pulled back and looked right into his eyes. My annoyance was fading fast. It was hard for me to stay mad at him for long._

"_I've been overreacting, haven't I?" I asked rhetorically with a small smile._

_He returned the smile, making me melt even more. He brought his free hand up and brushed some of the hair that had fallen in front of my eyes to the side. I leaned down so we rested forehead to forehead, staring into the eyes that captivated me endlessly._

"_Do you want to hear the truth or what you want to hear?" he asked sarcastically with a grin._

"_Very funny," I muttered as I let him fully pull me on his lap._

"_I thought it was," he whispered in my ear before returning his lips to mine in a heated kiss. "So are you feeling at least a little bit more at ease?"_

"_Before you mentioned it, I was," I said with a laugh, nestling my head underneath his chin. _

_The flight attendant was checking to make sure everything was set for our departure. Thus I had to reluctantly detangle myself from Adam and slip back into my seat. We both fastened our belts before cuddling next to each other once more. I closed my eyes and just listened as I heard the engine start and the plane come to life. Everything seemed to be in working order yet I kept my eyes shut for my own sanity. The plane started to move away from the terminal and toward the active runway. Adam pressed a kiss to my cheek and whispered soothing words in my ear. I smiled slightly and opened my eyes._

_For someone who had been traveling nonstop the past few months, it was pretty surprising that I was acting this way. There had been quite a few flights already in this trip. I was used to a flight and then a few long road trips, without me behind the wheel of course. I was brought back to my surroundings when I felt the plane accelerate and begin its run toward the sky. I looked over at Adam, who just smiled and pulled me right against his chest. I felt the slight lift as the plane lifted off of the runway and started its flight. As it went further and further into the air, I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding._

"_That wasn't so bad, huh?" Adam whispered, before using his free hand to turn my face to his._

"_Guess not," I murmured. "Everything seems to be peachy."_

"_Well, if you think everything is 'peachy', I have nothing to worry about," he said with a small laugh._

_Adam and I simultaneously leaned forward, making the kiss hard and forceful. It quickly softened and deepened, even though it was slightly confined by the positions that we were constricted into. Damn safety belts. Yet before anything could get too passionate, we felt the familiar feeling of enclosure over our heads. We broke apart slightly yet didn't remove the blanket that sent our world in darkness. Adam leaned forward once more and captured my lips, picking up right where we left off – not even reacting when we heard the Champ's voice._

"_No need to thank me."_

* * *

Thursday September 13, 2007  
5:11 PM – All State Café: 72nd Street in Manhattan

It had only been three weeks since the last time Chris and I had seen each other. I couldn't help but be wary when he said that he was going to be in town. As far as I knew, he was up in Calgary training with Lance. Yet he called last week and said that he was coming for a visit and wondered if I wanted to get together. Of course I agreed because even though I should have been furious at him for what he had done, I couldn't be. He was only trying to help. And the more I thought about it, I was being very childish. I mean… hiding behind a couch? How old was I?

At least I was able to avoid Adam.

That being said, I still didn't trust Chris's intentions. I knew that he meant well, but Adam was moving on. I heard proof of it myself and this was just complicating things. I was trying unsuccessfully to get on with my life as well. But that was proving impossible as my whole life was still centered around the WWE – well, in a way. Next week, the first associated press release about my book would be released. That also meant that that would be the first time that all of my former colleagues would learn about my duplicity. Needless to say, I had a lot on my mind.

Right now, I was trying to put all of that behind me and just enjoy Chris's company. He had flown in from Calgary yesterday for he had to stop at Hachette to completely finalize the printing. Champagne was flowing as his book was finally given a set release date of October 25th. Chris had been spending the past few weeks up with Lance training as the next few months offered little time to retrain all of his old wrestling muscles. He was going on a long book tour that was comprised of signings, appearances, and interviews.

These activities would probably even conflict with his in-ring return which was scheduled still for sometime in November. According to Chris, promotions about his "second coming" were going to be airing in two weeks. Yet these would only be teasers and not reveal his real identity. Both of us doubted that the secret about his return would stay a mystery for very long. In recent interviews during the summer, he made it quite clear that he would consider returning. And now with his book release... I think it was a pretty safe assumption.

"So, Melanie told me about your new assignment," Chris said as he ordered another beer for both of us. "You're really going all the way over to Europe to hide from your problems?"

"Very funny," I muttered flatly, knowing that he wasn't giving up.

He said so himself that it wasn't over. So far, there were no more attempts by him to ruin my life a.k.a. get me and Adam to meet. I couldn't deal with his rejection on top of everything that was happening. And now that I knew he was putting his life back in order, I didn't want to fuck it up (I did that already in the past).

"I didn't hear an answer to my question," he replied with a small smile.

"There is more to me going to Italy than just that," I said, sighing at his persistence. Besides, going there would bring back its fair share of memories to begin with. "I may be just trying to escape you and the constant feeling that you are going to pull another stunt like you did in my apartment."

"You were the one who ended up acting like a three year old by running away from your problems," he said, laughing as the bartender came to our table with two new bottles of beer. "Actually, I think my son would probably have acted more mature than that. I mean after all Adam said about you that day, you still have no motivation to speak with him?"

"Of course I did – still do," I said as I took a long gulp from my new bottle. "But there's nothing that can be done. He said himself that he has a girlfriend."

"He said he was _dating_," Chris said in a sober tone. "I never heard the word _girlfriend_ come out of his mouth all day unless it was talking about you."

"It's not going to work Chris, so you can stop right now," I said, giving him a slight warning stare.

"I don't have the slightest idea what you are talking about?" he said with a grin that gave away that he was not as ignorant as his faux query deemed.

He was trying to pull at my bruised heartstrings even more. And the way I was feeling now, I knew that if he kept pushing me, I would eventually cave. I couldn't keep avoiding the issue. I knew that. But I also knew that I wanted to have some semblance of control in regards to how it was done. The best way I saw fit was if it was done after the book was released. It hurt like hell, but I knew in the long run it would be for the best. I figured that once he read it, he would be more open to forgiveness. That was all I could hope for.

"So you never said what your plans are for the weekend," I said, trying to steer the subject away from my former boyfriend. Chris caught on to what I was trying to do, but surprisingly it looked like he wasn't going to press the issue any further.

"A few of my friends and I are going to the Yankee game tonight," he said with a smile that seemed too sly to be fully trusting. "Then we are flying out to Calgary tomorrow. I still have some training left to do and well…"

"Well?" I asked, not sure if I wanted to know the reason for his hesitance.

"They're coming along," he said quickly. I just smiled and continued to sip from my bottle, not really thinking much about Chris's plans.

"So, who are the Yankees playing tonight?" I asked, just trying to make casual conversation.

"Toronto," he said with another odd smile.

That's when things started to fall into place in my mind. Going up to _Calgary_ to visit a _wrestling school_… going to a _Toronto _Blue Jays game… with _his friends_. I didn't even need to ask but I knew that these friends were most likely both blond and Canadian as well. I slammed the bottle down on the table and glared at Chris from across the way.

"Damn it, don't you have any other friends of the non-wrestling sort? And I bet they are meeting you here, aren't they?" I asked in a rhetorical manner.

I really didn't need any confirmation. I should have known there was a reason that he wanted to go out early for drinks. I just shook my head and rose from my seat, grabbing my coat off of the back of my chair.

"Where are you going?" he asked as I pulled a few bills from my wallet and threw them on the table. I knew that Chris would've picked up the tab, but I wasn't in the mood to be in debt of him for anything.

"Getting the hell out of here before…"

I turned away from the table and toward the entrance just in time to see two tall newcomers walking down the steps. I mumbled a few obscenities under my breath as I figured out how I was going to get myself out of this one. I only had a few seconds to decide. The café itself was located below street level so the only public exit was through the small stairwell at the front. Well, that was not an option seeing as two of my former friends were occupying that area. There weren't many options seeing as the bathroom was a unisex one person room and I couldn't exactly inhabit it for a long time. The place was pretty crowded that I could try to blend in and make my escape once they were seated, but it was too risky. There was only one real option and I hated myself for feeling that I had to do it.

I took a deep breath and quickly scooted over to where Chris's chair was. Our table was thankfully in one of the back corners of the café and Chris was sitting in the corner chair. I gave him a warning glare before sliding down the wall and sitting next to his chair. I saw two pairs of legs getting closer to the table from underneath the tablecloth and realized that this wouldn't be enough camouflage. I sighed one last time before throwing the tablecloth over my sitting form and shimmying a little bit further underneath the table. My maturity level was definitely dwindling by the second, but Chris brought out the worst in me. He tried too hard and this is what he got for his efforts.

"Snazzy place you got here. I think we walked by it fifty times before we realized that this was the place."

I stifled a whimper as I listened to Adam talk. Why was I being so childish? Would it honestly make any difference if we talked now instead of waiting until the book's release? I wanted to believe that it would make him more understanding of my situation, but in Adam's defense, he has always been understanding… well usually understanding – as long as the name Jeff Hardy doesn't appear anywhere in the sentence. Then things would get a little tense.

"It's close to the place where I'm staying," Chris replied as two of the tables chairs were pulled out and pushed back under with two new forms.

And why did they have to be so fucking tall? I scooted back until I was leaning against Chris's own legs. I didn't want there to be any chance of me being discovered – especially like this. I didn't think I could ever talk my way out of that one.

"You mean your _friend's_ apartment?"Adam asked Chris with a weird tone in his voice when he said the word friend. I frowned at his insinuation, but it wasn't like I was about to voice my opinion. I shouldn't have even been hearing any of it to begin with. Damn Chris…

"May I ask the reason for the 'friend's'?" Chris asked with a slight chuckle even though I was pretty sure he was well aware of what he meant.

"Nothing," Adam replied gruffly – a tone that I was all too familiar with.

"Adam – spit it out," Chris replied.

"I know you weren't alone in her place," he said and I had to fight the involuntary groan from becoming too vocal.

"Her?"

I smiled as I heard Jay's voice for the first time in this whole conversation. Even though much of my thoughts had been centered on others from my WWE tenure as of late, Jay was never that far from my mind. He could always put a smile on my face and was always a great source of comfort; well, most times.

"The person who answered the intercom a month ago," Adam continued. Could he ever forget or let anything go? "Who is she?"

"Just a friend," Chris replied and I nodded in agreement (not that it did much).

"Only a friend?" Jay asked, as if Chris was on trial for having female friends or something. Yet it was probably more directed at my vanishing act behavior.

"Yes!" Chris exclaimed in defiance. "Gosh, only a friend! You do know that I am married."

"Point?" Adam asked bluntly. I had to fight the urge to kick him in the shin. Of course, that would totally blow my cover, but his comment definitely warranted it. "We're not here to judge you."

"Nothing's going on," Chris muttered, and I could tell that he was becoming very irritated. Maybe now he could share some of my pain. "She's _just_ a friend."

"An orgasm friend?" Jay asked. My mouth dropped open as all three men laughed above me. Ugh, I really didn't want to be around them right now. Guy talk was something I was happy not to be a part of.

"I'm going to pretend that I never heard that. Besides, she's not really your type," Chris answered jokingly to the other married man at the table. "But Adam on the other hand…"

Chris didn't get to finish his statement as my whack to the shin must have shocked him into silence. It was an involuntary reaction to his comment and I just prayed that neither Adam nor Jay noticed. This conversation was heading in a worse direction than the one between Adam and Chris in my apartment. And once again, I had no way out. I was just thankful that they actually had a place that they needed to be soon.

"You okay there?" Adam asked and I turned my attention back to the conversation going on above me. "You sort of just stopped."

"Yeah, I'm fine – just thinking about something," Chris said soberly. Luckily before either Jay or Adam could pry any further, another pair of shoes came up alongside the table.

"Can I get you guys anything to drink?"

"I'll take a Molson," Jay said to the newly arrived bartender.

"Make it two," Adam replied.

"Anything else for the lady?" the bartender asked as I heard him pick up a few of the old bottles that were on the table. I just hoped that Chris could keep his cool and come up with some excuse.

"Um… no, she had to leave," he said quickly with a slight nervous laugh.

"Must've disappeared into thin air," the bartender said with a laugh of his own.

"Something like that," Chris muttered as I watched the bartender's retreating footsteps through the one inch of space underneath the tablecloth. The crisis seemed to be averted at least for the moment.

"You sure that there is nothing going on?" Adam asked after a few moments of silence between the table's occupants.

The first real traces of guilt about my action's today began to creep up on me. Chris really didn't have to do any of this. Sure, he sort of brought it on himself by what he was trying to with these run-in stunts. But his heart was in the right place and mine… well, I still believed that I was doing the right thing. It was hurting a lot more than I thought it would, but that was because Adam was now so close to me once again (well, physically anyway).

Last month after he and Chris left, I sat on my sofa and just breathed deeply. His cologne still hung in the air and when I closed my eyes, I could try and envision him sitting next to me, holding me in his arms. It was only a fantasy right now. I know Chris wanted to believe that it could be a reality if I just opened up, but I couldn't see it happening. Next week, all of my former friends would know about my story and… and I didn't want to know what they would think about it at first. Nothing about the content was being released thus for a few months, everyone would be in the dark. In that time, I knew that my name would probably be slandered throughout the WWE locker room. It would only be natural and I knew that it was coming. They were a family and one of their own had seemingly turned their back on them and sold them out. I just hoped that things would cool off after they all had a chance to read it. That would be the time for reconciliation and not a moment before.

"Nah - she's just a little nervous around new people," Chris said with another nervous chuckle as he answered Adam's previous question.

"Sure," both of the other occupants of the table uttered at the same time, in voices that showed their disbelief in Chris's claim.

"So… whose starting tonight?" Chris asked quickly, obviously trying to turn the subject off of our relationship.

"I think I read Burnett is pitching for the Jays," Adam said casually. "We might actually have a chance of winning it. No clue who the Yankee's start…"

"MISTER KENNEDY!!" Jay yelled, loud enough to probably cause a few heads to turn in his direction.

"What the fuck is your…"

"KENNEDY!" Jay finished, cutting off Adam's question. "Sorry, when I found out that Kennedy was starting, I'd been waiting for you to ask me all day."

"Uh-huh," Adam said impassively as I was trying to hold back all of the laughter that was brimming inside of me. "And I think that he probably heard you all the way at the stadium."

"Anyway, Denise has been talking about planning an out of retirement party for you sometime in November," Jay said. "I was supposed to find out what days are good for everyone."

"I'll call you when I find out my book tour schedule," Chris responded. "That's probably all I've got planned for then – well, besides my actual comeback of course."

"And I'm probably going to be back from my trip long before then," Adam replied causing me to zone out of the conversation and focus on my own thoughts.

I hated eavesdropping on conversations, especially when I didn't know everything that was going on. Just hearing them talk showed me how out of touch I really was from the people I once called close friends. It hurt much more than just hearing Adam and Chris talk in my apartment. Just hearing the banter and knowing that I once was a part of the same circle… it really cut deep into my heart.

"So speaking of birthdays," Adam said as I finally tuned my ears back to the conversation obviously having missed some of it. "Guess who I heard sent Jeff a card?"

"Probably a lot of people," Chris replied mockingly, as he knew exactly where Adam was going with this. I wished that I had tuned out of the conversation for a little bit longer.

"Yeah, including Nami," he said.

"Wait, Nami?" Jay asked. "Are they still talking? Does he know where she is?"

"He wouldn't say," Adam replied causing my interest in the conversation to pick up once more. "I saw him when I visited Raw a week ago and it sort of just came up. He told me that he heard from her, but wouldn't let me read the card. I got pretty heated over that, but there was nothing I could do about it."

"Sure there was. You could've ripped the card out of his hand and looked at yourself," Chris said and I had to fight the urge to hit him once more.

"He didn't have it on him dumbass," Adam responded.

"So, do you believe him?" Jay asked.

"Why would he lie?" Adam asked, answering Jay's question with one of his own. "I thought that at first, but… if I find out that those two… that he…"

"There's no way he would keep something like that from you," Chris said, and I could help but silently chuckle at the irony in his statement. He was doing the exact same thing, but of course it was at my request.

"Yeah because if he did, I would kill him," Adam replied curtly. I really didn't like the sound of that even though I knew it was most likely an empty threat.

"You would do no such thing," Chris said through nervous laughter, knowing that he was treding on thin ice. "You wouldn't hurt a fly."

"A fly? No. But if that bastard is going behind my back and seeing my girlfriend…"

"Ex-girlfriend," Jay said quickly, halting Adam's threat. "And doesn't it sound a little familiar?"

"Shut it," he replied, slamming what was presumably his beer bottle on the table. "This is totally different than me and Ames."

"Yeah, because that actually happened and this is all in your mind," Chris replied, before Jay and Adam got into any sort of argument. "If Jeff really did get a card from her, I'm sure you will as well."

"Oh great, just have to wait another month and half to figure that one out," Adam said dully.

"Dude, you have to get over this shit," Jay said. "Who knows if you are ever going to know what really happened, but you can't keep beating yourself up over it. She's gone and as much as it sucks, it doesn't look like she's coming back."

"I know, but…"

"I think we should probably head out in a few minutes," Chris said, interrupting Adam and the conversation that I wasn't looking forward to hearing. I grinned happily from my confines, knowing that I was a few moments away from freedom and all of this. I was also quite hopeful that that put an end to the conversation they were about to have… at least while I was in earshot. "Never know what the subway's going to be like."

All three of the chairs scraped across the wood floor as their occupants left the table. I turned my attention back to the inch of shoes I could see underneath the tablecloth. Just a few more seconds…

"Eh, watch the arm," Adam exclaimed teasingly as the three of them started walking toward the stairs.

"Take the fucking sling off, man," Jay said with a laugh. "You're getting no sympathy from anyone with…"

I watched as they made their way toward the stairs. I waited a few moments after I last saw their feet before scooting out from under the table. I stood up and stretched my legs, happy to be out of the small confines. I grabbed my bag and coat off of the ground and headed toward the exit myself.

"You're back or should I say never left."

I turned over my shoulder and smiled at the bartender who had served our table. I guess my vanishing act wasn't as foolproof as I originally deemed.

"Yeah," I laughed nervously. "Ex-boyfriend… didn't really want him to see me."

"I get it," the middle-aged man said with a smile. "Which one?"

"The tall blond one," I answered hastily. "And I'm sure that helped you oh so much… the one with the longest hair."

"Ah, the one with the sling," he said. I just nodded, shifting anxiously on my feet. I really needed to get out of here. I didn't trust Chris and knew that he might try something else. "You dating his friend now?"

"No, but… he doesn't know that the two of us are friends," I said sheepishly.

"I sense that there is a little more to the story than just that," he replied with a snicker.

I just shrugged my shoulders before shooting a glance toward the stairwell when I heard the front door open. Luckily, it wasn't any of the three Canadians. I decided to relax a little bit, leaning up against the metal rod along the bar.

"Isn't there always?" I said sarcastically, responding to his previous statement. "I sort of just took off; never really ended the relationship officially in the process. I needed to get away from everything in my life at that time – Adam included."

"He the tall, blond one?" the man asked jokingly. I just nodded glumly. "You don't seem too happy."

"It's just there's not a day that goes by in which I don't regret my decision for leaving the way I did. Deep down, I think I knew I had to, but…" I realized that I was rambling about my personal life to a man I hardly knew. My face flushed in embarrassment and I nervously tried to laugh off my feelings of mortification. "Oh God, I am so sorry. You really don't need to listen to me."

"It comes with the territory," he said, gesturing to our surroundings.

"I thought that was only a myth in movies?" I said coyly. He smiled and patted a stool at the end of the bar. I looked once more toward the door before taking the seat.

"So… why didn't you want to talk with him today?" he asked. "It would've given you the chance to end things on your terms."

"He seems happy with his life right now," I said, trying to convince myself that what I was saying was true. "I really don't want to mess it up again."

"Can I give you some old bartender's advice?" he asked with a small grin. "Just follow your heart. Life is too short to hide all of your emotions. I always find it odd that many people just can't say what they feel. I can see you are hurting – make him see it too. Don't be ashamed of what you feel and what you've done 'cause it is in the past. You can't go back and fix things, but you can try and make things right. Nothing's worse than hiding what you feel."

I nodded and took in everything he said. He made a lot of sense, but I couldn't put his good advice into use. I needed to stick with my plan. Besides, Adam had already left. Maybe if he was still here, things would be different (at least I could say that now).

"I better be going," I said with small smile. "Thanks for everything."

"Don't mention it, kid," he said with a pat on the back, as I got up from the stool and headed toward the steps.

I put my coat on and pulled my hood over the top of my head. I also reached into my coat pocket and pulled out my sunglasses. I knew who I was dealing with. Knowing Chris, he would not give up. I was just surprised that I hadn't seen either Jay or Adam resurface yet. Yet that feeling didn't last too long.

"We're going to miss the first pitch. Get your jacket quickly."

I stopped short on the stair as I saw all three men pile back into the establishment. I pulled the coat tighter around my form and slowly headed up the stairs. With the hood and glasses in place, I knew that I was unrecognizable. I just needed to stay calm and not act suspicious. Chris was the first one I would have to come into contact with as the stairwell was not that wide. I was walking up and they were walking down. I just had to keep telling myself to breathe. And of course, Chris didn't make it easy for me. As he walked by me, he pushed me just enough that I fell forward and right into the arms of the oncoming Jay.

"Hey miss, you okay?"

I straightened myself up and made sure that my camouflage was still in place. I looked at both of the men still on the stairs and had to keep my heart from beating out of my chest. My gaze lingered on Adam a little longer than normal and he broke into a small smile. I just smiled back and tried to continue on my way. Yet before I got far, I heard Chris from behind me.

"Miss, the bartender told me that you left this," he said as he rushed up behind me and put the copy of Pro Wrestling Illustrated in my hands. We had been perusing through it earlier, but he had taken it with him. I guess that Adam and Jay didn't notice it in his jacket. I just grabbed the magazine and quickly tried to hide the cover from the other two.

"Ey, you a wrestling fan?" Adam asked as I walked right next to him, giving him the opportunity to get a look at the magazine cover.

I stopped short on the stair and knew that I had only a few seconds to come up with an answer. I needed to say as little as possible, because I knew that they could probably recognize my voice. I couldn't say I was a fan though – that would just spur more conversation.

"My brother is," I said quickly before continuing up another stair.

"Well, we could sign it for you miss, seeing as we are three of the sport's biggest stars," Chris said, and I could just hear the amusement in his tone. I turned to glare at him because even with the shades on, I knew that he would understand. Yet he took the action as concession and grabbed the magazine from my hand.

"Says the man who hasn't even made his comeback yet," Jay said with a laugh."Shouldn't you be keeping that bit of information under wraps to begin with?"

"I'm sure she won't tell anyone," Chris said with a smile and a wink as he thumbed through the magazine before turning his attention back to me. "You wouldn't happen to have a pen, would you sweetie?"

I gritted my teeth as I fumbled around in my bag until I quickly pulled out a black ink pen. This situation was becoming more unbearable by the second as the scent of Adam's cologne was wafting over my way. We were only standing inches apart and I had to fight every fiber of my being that was telling me to pull him against me and beg for forgiveness. I took a chance and shot a look Jay's way. Luckily, he was watching Chris sign the cover.

"_Orton pays the price in the ring and earns the fan's respect_," Jay read aloud, chuckling slightly at the end. "Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it."

I chuckled slightly and hoped that it went unnoticed, but I felt a pair of eyes staring down upon me. I knew exactly who it was and tried to remain calm and collected. I tugged the fabric of my coat closer to my body as a defensive mechanism, as it covered my face with my hood a little more. This was getting seriously uncomfortable. Not only were the four of us standing on different steps of a small stairwell, we were all in different states of knowledge about the situation. Chris and I of course had the upper hand. But Adam and Jay… they must have thought that this was just awkward. But hey, it was all Chris's fault.

Jay handed the magazine to Adam and I started to walk up the stairs, hoping that maybe I could make a break for it. Yet as soon as I moved up a stair, Adam followed so we were standing side by side once more. I looked over as I continued up the remaining few steps and watched as he flipped through the magazine and continued to follow next to me. I remembered the bartender's words and knew that this was my chance. Maybe I could make things right with him.

"_Most Hated Wrestler of the Half-Year: Edge_," Adam read with a laugh. He leaned over and pointed to the picture of him on a ladder. I just nodded and kept my teeth firmly clamped down on my bottom lip. I couldn't say anything now… not like this. "Oh guys you have to hear this… you don't mind do you miss?"

I just shook my head as the four of us filed outside and began to walk. Adam cleared his throat with a huge grin as he looked down at the page that described the reason for such a villainous accolade.

"_Just how despised can the 'Rated R Superstar' be? Around this time last year, we would have been prepared to cut the Torontonian a little slack. After all, a large percentage of his unpopularity had to do with the fact that he was hanging around Lita, who became persona non grata after her wicked treatment of Matt Hardy," _Adam read, slightly scoffing at the last bit.

"I love how she gets blamed for it now," Jay said sarcastically, before turning to me with a smile. "It's a long story… one that most people involved are still trying to live down."

I just nodded as I chanced a look over at Adam who was regrettably turned my way. He gave me a toothy grin before looking down at the magazine in his hands once more. I turned away from him and shot Chris another glare as he walked right beside me on the sidewalk. There would certainly be hell to pay for this.

"Moving along… _Edge was even hearing a smattering of cheers here and there, mostly because some people were willing to cheer for ABC – Anyone But Cena,"_ Adam read with another laugh. "That is still true. I can't believe he has had the title for almost a year."

I groaned as we had just passed my apartment complex. I could have stopped and either said my goodbyes or just quickly skidded away, but a part of me wanted to stay. It was like I needed to feel the pain that this was causing me because at least I was feeling something. This was at least giving me some reconnection to Adam, even if he thought I was just some random passerby.

"_But Edge has been Lita-free through 2007 so far, and he's still getting some of the most hostile crowd reactions we've seen since Triple-H and Jeff Jarrett a couple of years back. Make no mistake about it, Edge deserves the jeers he's getting," _Adam continued with a proud grin on his face. "Damn right I do."

"Oh brother, talk about stroking the ego," Jay said jokingly, which earned a slight shove from his best friend.

"_He and Randy Orton orchestrated one of the most heinous attacks we've ever seen with their assault (maybe it could be more accurately described as attempted murder) on Ric Flair. Then Edge routinely abandoned Orton, his own partner," _he read with another laugh.

"Maybe that is why the people at the magazine think that the fans respect him now – because he dumped your ass," Chris imparted with a grin of his own.

"More like the other way around. Get your facts straight," Adam said with a laugh as we stopped at the light. "_Then there's the way Edge captured the Smackdown World title. Edge goaded Ken Kennedy..."_

"KENNEDY!" Jay added and I couldn't hold back the laugh that escaped. Luckily, it went unnoticed as the others were in the same state.

_"- into putting his 'Money In The Bank' title shot on the line on Raw, won the match, and cashed in the title shot the following night during the Smackdown taping," _Adam continued after we calmed down. "_And he was careful to cash in his MITB after The Undertaker had barely survived a World title defense against Batista and had been attacked by Mark Henry. _I think that this magazine seems to see the brilliance of my plan."

"Oh yes, the brilliance of two men being injured so you get the belt," Chris said with a roll of his eyes, even though he knew his friend was only joking. "Don't mind me if I hold my applause."

"_The worst part is that, for all of the backstabbing, conniving, and cowardice, Edge is having a career year. And his success just makes the fans boo him that much more,"_ Adam finished before finally closing the magazine with a satisfied look on his face. "I guess this was written before my wonderful title stealing injury. And maybe they should add the part of having to go through that entire title defense shit while dealing with a shattered love life."

"Please, don't mind Adam," Jay said as he lightly placed his hand on my shoulder. "He just doesn't know when to shut up and keep some things to himself."

"That's alright," I muttered meekly as I watched Adam finally sign the cover of the magazine. He handed it back to me with a huge smile.

"Sorry about all that," he said with a shrug. "I've yet to read it yet and…"

"You can have it then," I said quickly shoving the magazine back towards his hands. "I have to run anyway."

"No, it's for your brother," he said with another smile and placed the magazine back in my hand. When his fingers touched mine, my heart leapt in my chest and I tried my best not to show any sign of being phased.

"Well… thank you," I said with a smile as I turned to look at all three of them before trying to make a hasty retreat.

"No need to thank us," Chris said as he pulled me into a hug. God, was I really going to give it to him later. "We love meeting new fans or prospective ones."

After Chris finally let go, I smiled sheepishly at the other two before backing away. Yet I didn't get too far.

"Hey, how come he gets a hug and we don't?" Adam asked with a grin.

At that moment I wondered if Chris wanted to be buried or cremated. Jay was the first one to lightly embrace me. I smiled and thought about all the good times we had as I detangled myself from his arms. Now there was only Adam left. Only the man that I was still head over heels in love with. I stepped forward and fell against his chest. It felt so comforting to be in his arms once again. I felt a few tears begin to form and quickly tried to wipe them away before we pulled back.

It didn't work.

"You okay?" Adam asked as he saw the tears run underneath the sunglasses and continue their trail down my cheeks.

"Just peachy," I muttered softly.

"_Peachy_?" he asked. "I thought my ex-girlfriend was the only one who ever used that word."

I just chuckled nervously and quickly stepped away. I shot them all one last look before turning around. I started to head back down the street. I needed to get out of there and fast! I just prayed that Adam wouldn't put two and two together and actually come up with four... meaning the fact that this random stranger that gets emotional over people that she shouldn't even recognize is his long lost ex-girlfriend.

"Thanks again," I exclaimed with a wave over my shoulder.

I knew that I left in a rush. I knew that they were probably talking about the weird woman that they just met. Nothing mattered to me right now except that I could still feel Adam's arms around me. I could still smell him as his cologne was now slightly embedded in the fabric of my coat. I could still feel him all around me. I was so close to him yet so far away.

I made it back to my apartment complex and scurried up the numerous flights of stairs in record time. I quickly unlocked the door, threw in open, and went inside. I chucked the sunglasses off of my eyes and unbuttoned my coat. I took it off but held it in my arms, thinking about Adam. I flopped down on the couch and looked at the magazine still in my hands. Overtop Randy's face which took up much of the cover were the three wrestlers' signatures: "_Y2J - Chris Jericho_, a scribble that I guess said _Christian Cage_, and _Edge – Rated R Superstar"._

I flipped open the magazine once more and went back to the page that Adam had read from just a few minutes ago. Reading over the last few lines of the passage, I couldn't help but think of myself in the same light. Just by substituting my name for "Edge", it became a pretty close account of what I felt about myself. And it just made the tears begin to fall once more:

The worst part is that, for all of the backstabbing, conniving, and cowardice, _Nami _is having a career year.


	54. Do Your Best To Save Some Face

A.N. - Normal disclaimer as I don't own anything that has to do with the WWE and its Superstars. A quote in this chapter comes from Mick Foley's book "The Hardcore Diaries". Thank you to everyone who has been reading, adding, and reviewing. **xxHungryeyesxx, Hatter-Zombie.ate.your.brains, Fozzy-Floozy, unlimited emerald 0307, KaraAlissa, x.Cassie, 68 stones from a broken heart, and HardyxGirl **- thanks a million for your reviews! This story has always been a labor of love and with your help, I get the ambition to want to write it in a timely fashion. With my writing style, these 300,000+ words (still can't believe that number) would normally have taken me probably three times as long to come up with. Yet you all make me want to put my fingers to the keys.

Okay on to a little bit of a foreword. The flashback chapter isn't that eventful as it setting up the next drama filled installment (you'll see why... or at least I hope you will). And I promise that the conversation that Jeff and Nami have is just a precursor to the one in the next chapter. It will come back to what was said here though... or at least riff on it. The present time section ends with a little bit of cliffhanger, but I think it is obvious who it is (but of course that is easy for me to say because I know). There are a lot of people that it can't be so by process of elimination, I think it is easy to discern who it is. And let's just say that that person will try and help Nami get out of her little "poor me" funk that Chris has been so unsuccessful in erasing.

So the end is drawing near... a rough estimate puts there being four to six more chapters. There are still three outlined endings in mind, but I think I know the way I am going to go. Not 100 percent sure, but it's at least coming together nicely. The final few chapters will contain a lot more of Nami's actual writing because that was the whole premise of this story to begin with. For more insight into the coming chapters, go to my profile. Thanks again to all who spend the time reading and I hope you all enjoy it. Peace and love!!

* * *

_Wednesday April 18, 2007  
3:45 PM – Forli, Italy (four hours before the live show)_

"_You know you do have your own locker room, right?"_

_Adam just ignored Melina's sarcastic comment and continued to try and fall asleep on the loveseat sofa in the Women's locker room. I turned away from my journal and watched as he pulled his baseball cap over his eyes a little more and tried to position his long legs in the most comfortable position. It wasn't an easy task as I couldn't even lay straight on the full length of the sofa. Yet according to him, this was his only option if he was going to be able to get some shut eye before the live event tonight._

_This tour was becoming quite exhausting. Every night we had a live event, which meant every night I had a match. Normally, I probably wouldn't have been subjected to this heavy work load, but with the pay-per-view match between myself and Melina fast approaching, management wanted to make sure our in-ring chemistry was solid. That might have been improving, but my mental as well as physical welfare was not. Everyone keeps telling me that these long overseas tours are always the most tiresome, as we are constantly traveling and performing night in and night out. Adam says that it is sort of like what it used to be in the old days when everything was one brand (but still not fully as intense)._

_So now, here we all were in Forli for a show tonight. After, we would return to the hotel for a few hours and try to rest, before catching a chartered plane to Germany for a show tomorrow night. Hopefully it would not have a combustible engine like the last one. It is quite obvious the plane to Rome landed safely… still, it wasn't the best of flights. I will never complain about long car rides as long as I live. As soon as we got off the plane, I was very close to actually kissing the ground. I instead opted to spend forty minutes on the phone, explaining my perils to a very groggy Jay, who just wanted to go back to sleep (after finding out that everything worked out peachy)._

_Now back to the present – where everyone is enjoying their only downtime of the day before the show in a few hours. Jeff and Matt were back on tour with the Raw roster, after spending the night at the Smackdown taping. They actually flew in late last night and I went to meet them at the airport in our chartered minibus (the smaller version of the roster's main form of transportation). That was how we got around town from now on: buses, with everyone on the roster being transported at the same time. I guess it is for time management purposes and also could build a stronger sense of unity. But, it was becoming more of a nuisance than a help and the reason could be summed up in two words: Randy Orton._

_His attitude seemed to be on the mend, but now was taking a turn for the worse. Case in point, the fact that no one wanted to be around him (highlighted by the fact my boyfriend was uncomfortably contorting his body to rest, just to avoid an altercation with the Legend Killer). People who tried to reason with him were either told off or just given the cold shoulder. John can't believe that this is all stemming from his lack of gold in the company. It had to be something deeper that was tugging at his insides and I wholeheartedly agreed._

"_So what's the deal with him?" Melina asked quietly as she sat next to me on a bench. I shut my journal just in case her eyes were wandering and shrugged._

"_I'm guessing that it is Day Six of the Randy Orton hissy fit," I muttered. _

_I had not spoken at all with Randy since last night's show. Let's just say I had enough of his attitude in two minutes to last the rest of the tour. So when Adam knocked on the locker room door thirty minutes ago, bag in hand, I had a pretty good assumption that little had changed._

"_We better not have to live with another week of his shit," she responded bitterly. Yes, it seems that his attitude was pissing every member of the roster off._

"_He seemed like his was loosening up a bit on Monday, but now… I don't know," I said with a shake of my head._

_I wouldn't normally concern myself with the ins and outs of the Legend Killer's mind, but it was shaking up the foundation of this tour. Something had to change and soon. Like Melina brought up, there was no way that we would be able to last another week. Unlike the beginning days of the tour – before any of the real "work" started – we were given downtime to wander around ourselves. Now, we were one unit and needed to be in sync with everyone else. We had two buses and specific directions on what we were to do when coming and going to the hotels. I felt like I was back in high school on an overnight field trip. Everything was thought out and any aberration would cause chaos._

"_He just needs to get his head out of his ass," she murmured, before rising and grabbing her purse. That was pretty much the overall sentiment of the entire organization at this moment. "I'm gonna head down to catering. You wanna come?"_

"_Nah, I'll stay here," I responded, sparing a look at the empty room sans the now fast asleep Rated R Superstar. "Thanks though."_

"_Anytime," she said with a smile before waving and heading out of the door, shutting it quietly so as not to bother the asleep Adam._

_I opened my journal once more and continued writing where I had left off. It was getting harder to find time to put my pen to paper, thanks to the togetherness that this tour was prescribing. Once this trip was done, I would have less than a week left in the WWE. That was a hard pill to swallow. I was busting my ass off on this whole trip to have a good match with Melina next Sunday. But after that, it would probably all be forgotten as I would be leaving the company right after. At night, while lying in Adam's arms, I tried to convince myself that maybe I could live this life. Those thoughts didn't stay with me long and I was left with the gnawing feeling in my gut that I had to make the most of the last few weeks with everyone._

_A knock at the door startled me. So much for getting much writing done. I closed and locked my journal before slipping it back into my travel bag. I got up from my seat and shot a glance over at my sleeping boyfriend, happy that the noise didn't startle him. I walked to the door and opened it to reveal a perturbed Champ._

"_I am so sick of his shit!" John raged as he pushed passed me, throwing his bag down on the floor. His statement reminded me of Melina's, and proved that even Randy's best friend was in on the bitterness._

"_Join the club," I muttered. We both turned toward Adam as he groaned and sat up from his lying position. I guessed John made too much noise with his entrance._

"_You give up on him too?" Adam asked, stretching his arms over his head._

"_Something needs to be done," John replied, not really answering Adam's question. "I mean, fuck – he is just looking for a fight wherever he can get it."_

"_He has to be pissing off management," Adam reasoned, before glancing over my way with a smile. He patted the spot next to him and I quickly accepted the offer, grasping his hand in mine._

"_Can we not try and spend every moment of this trip obsessing over Randy?" I asked with a grin. _

"_Fine by me," Adam replied, chuckling while pulling my form tightly against his._

"_Same here," John said. "You don't mind me hanging out here for awhile?"_

"_Well, it's fine by me and seeing as I am the only female here at the moment, I guess what I say goes," I said with a laugh. "Besides, Adam already invaded the all-female perimeter so I think you are in the clear."_

"_Yeah, but they are used to that by now," John commented. "Even though, it is usually the other way around, with you in ours. Too bad our locker room is not an Orton free zone at the moment or we would be safe to enter."_

"_Ugh, I thought we were off that subject," I muttered._

"_Sorry," John murmured in a joking sulky manner._

_Adam and John made small talk, mainly going over their match tonight. It was going to be a one on one bout, a fact that both were quite content with. The past few nights they had been having handicap matches that included Randy. None of the matches were the smoothest and with his ever growing behavioral issues, it was becoming a pain to work in the ring with him. Maybe the Heartbreak Kid would be able to Sweet Chin some sense into him tonight._

_I perked my ears back up and listened to them ramble on a little more. Yet I quickly was back to being bored with the conversation. I wanted to spend this time writing, but knew that it was too risky with a fully awake Adam and at times overly curious John in the room. And as much as I loved spending time with the guys, this trip was making it so that was all I ever did. I guess this was why they only had overseas tours a few times a year._

"_I think I am going to grab something to eat," I said when there was a down moment in their conversation._

"_Okay babe," Adam said, placing a light kiss on my cheek before I rose from my seat._

"_Sorry that we bored you so much," John exclaimed jokingly as I headed out the door._

_I chuckled softly as I let the door swing shut. I wasn't really hungry, but just wanted to stretch my legs. I had a one on one match with Melina tonight. After the past few shows of having triple threat matches, I had almost forgotten what it was like to only have one opponent. Tonight, we were going to have a lot of corporate eyes on us, taking notes on what needed to be worked on before the pay-per-view. Melina was going to be picking up the victory. I did have a flurry of offense slightly planned, but not enough to overtake the champ._

_I continued my slight wandering around the backstage corridors, not really sure of my exact destination. I saw a few of the Divas hanging out in the wardrobe department and considered joining yet changed my mind when I turned around and saw Jeff sitting in solitude on a equipment crate further down the hallway. He was lost in his own world as he scribbled furiously in a pad in his lap. I walked a little closer and continued to watch him seemingly deep in thought, a few of his braids shielding his eyes from mine._

"_Hey," I said softly, not wanting to startle him._

_Jeff looked up from the pad in his hand and stilled his pencil. He smiled as I closed the distance and hopped up on the crate as well. I looked down at the paper and saw that he was in the middle of writing something, maybe a poem or lyrics I wasn't really sure. I looked back up and found that his eyes were locked on mine._

"_You have a good night?" he asked, as we had not spoken since our arrival back at the hotel from the airport._

"_I slept some which is good, I guess," I mumbled with a small smile. "You?"_

"_Same," he replied. "I tried to catch a little more rest on the bus, but things were a little noisy."_

_I just nodded and looked away from his gaze. Small talk was pretty much all we could discuss now in days. Ever since I brought up the fact that the status of our relationship was on a shaky foundation, we both seemed nervous around each other. I knew that on my part it was the fact that I really didn't know what I wanted to say to him because I didn't know if he really wanted to open up. Jeff's mind was unlike anyone I had ever known. He did things his way and no amount of goading would let me even attempt to gain access to his thoughts. Even to his closest friends, there was always a mysterious quality around him._

"_So… how are you feeling?" he asked._

"_Fine," I said with a shrug of the shoulders, not thinking much of his question._

"_No, I mean, how are you really feeling?" he asked, while I turned to look in his eyes once more. "You can't just be feeling fine. Or if you are… why? Like what makes you feel 'just fine'?"_

"_Where does this sudden interest in my temperament come from?" I asked, breaking out into a small smile at his line of questioning. Only Jeff Hardy could take a simple question and turn it into a full on emotional evaluation._

"_I don't know," he said bluntly. "I'm just in a creative mood - trying to come up with inspiration to write. Figured maybe you could help."_

"_I would, but I am not sure of what you want," I responded truthfully._

"_Well, let me start then," he said, grinning as he set his pad to the side and swiveled into an Indian-style sitting position. I followed suit so we locked eyes once more. "I'm anxious to hear what you have to say… okay, now you go."_

"_Okay," I said, quite unsure of myself. I decided that I would just start out slow and then maybe divulge a little more about what was really on my mind. "I'm stressed about if I will be able to last through this tour or not."_

"_You will," he said, grinning from ear to ear. "I'm anxious to get back home and be able to rest for more than a few hours a night."_

"_You can count me in on that one," I replied, happy to know that I wasn't the only one who was tour weary. "I'm… well, I'm aggravated at Randy."_

"_Who isn't, but it's not like that is anything new," he joked, even though he was probably speaking more from truth on his part. "I'm blank when it comes to getting my creative muses flowing."_

"_I think that is a lie since I saw you writing in your pad before I showed up."_

"_Spying on me, are you?" he asked with a grin._

"_Not so much as just looking at you when I came over here," I replied, pushing a few of his braids out of his face. "You can't be totally 'blank.'"_

"_I wasn't really writing much; just trying to get words down paper… see if anything stuck," he said. I just nodded and hoped that maybe that was end of our little feeling sharing session, not that much was shared. I was all out of obvious answers. "You're next."_

_So much for this being over. I opened and closed my mouth a few times, trying to figure out what I could say. How could I express what I was really feeling in words that wouldn't sound too contrived and insincere? He regarded me with a curious glance and I shrugged my shoulders._

"_I don't know what I feel," I said smiling slightly. "I'm just blah, I guess. Too much wrapped up in one."_

"_You're really helping the creative juices flow," he said sarcastically, picking up his pad once more and jotting down a few more words._

"_Sorry, I'm just not very good at putting my emotions in words… well spoken words anyway," I said, thinking about all of the writing I had done the past months and how much emotion I hoped to convey._

"_Yeah, I guess I am with you on that one," he muttered as he refused to take his eyes off the pad in his hands. "I think that is the reason that I haven't really gotten around to talking with you so much on this trip… because I know when we finally do, you're going to want answers that I don't think I can give."_

_I knew that he was addressing the fact that we still hadn't even attempted to have a pretty serious personal discussion since Friday, when we were interrupted by John and Randy. After that moment, I lost all of my nerve to try and be honest. And now that I realized that this whole experience would be behind __me in two weeks, I didn't want to dwell on such heavy stuff. These friendships, especially my special bond with Jeff, were things that I would cherish the rest of my life, but I was sure that they wouldn't feel the same. With this story, no matter the content, I went behind their backs and sold them out. It was as if I was whoring out my time as a Diva for money and fame. But that was far from the case anymore (not like it ever truly was), as I was only trying to undo a lot of the biases I had before embarking on this journey. If I could change one close-minded person into slight compliance, then I had accomplished my new goal._

"_Trust me, I know that I won't be able to be fully open with you either," I said truthfully._

_I didn't know how Jeff took the statement as he made no real reaction. I knew that he couldn't fully understand it, but I knew in time, maybe he could see that this charade was just as hard on me as it would eventually be on them._

_The rest of the day was spent in awkward conversation with Jeff, relaxing and partaking in romantic cheesiness with Adam (much to John's chagrin), and of course the actual show. Everything went well in the ring. I was still pulling double duty as I also valeted for the Hardys in their win over Cade and Murdoch. My match went well and a few of the bookers backstage set up a meeting for Melina, myself, and them in Munich tomorrow, just to go over some notes and really solidify that a good match at Backlash would be a definite._

_John and Adam looked great in the ring as their chemistry just radiated throughout the complex. I sort of wished that I was around during the heyday of their feud. But then of course Adam would have still been with Amy… maybe it was best that I wasn't. Besides, Jeff wasn't back in the company until the tail end and I would have sorely missed his company._

_And then finally, there was Randy. His match with Shawn looked good from a casual viewer's standpoint. I saw nothing wrong with the match that I witnessed on the small little monitor set up for the rest of the roster to watch. It was the match right before the main event (John Cena vs. Edge) and was given significant time. Unlike other shows, when maybe a few of us would duck out early if we were no longer needed, everyone was present. There was no way to leave without the collective unit of the whole roster… buses, remember? So, not only was the casual wrestling watcher sitting with some of the best in the sport, she was also sitting with the most critical eyes._

_Shawn was a consummate professional in the ring. Even though older than many on the roster, he gave it all he had and it showed. He could definitely hang with the youngest and keep up with everything they threw at him. Randy… well, Randy is a legacy. He would be the first to admit that he was given an easier road than a few because his last name was Orton. His father called up Vince, told him that his son had potential, a few tryouts later he is training at OVW. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that in my mind. The WWE is a family business (a McMahon family business, of course) and has a very strong lineage._

_Yet sometimes when Randy speaks and acts, it is not just with a cockiness that makes up his in-ring character. It is not just an embellishment of who the true Randy Orton is. No, sometimes he is really thinking that way. He thinks that he is the shit and that no one can even hold a candle to him. Then for the life of him, __he can't understand why he has to job to a man almost fifteen years his senior. Shawn is a legend and doesn't mind putting younger guys over to help their careers or make a good angle. But Randy sometimes gets it in his mind that it should always be that way. So when he has to actually lose to Shawn, he doesn't see it as losing to the celebrated Heartbreak Kid. He sees it as the company having no confidence in him as one of the new faces of the business._

_That belief makes Randy intolerable._

_So now, as we all try and relax on the short bus ride back to our hotel, everyone knows that something is coming. Randy is being too quiet. After his match, he pretty much just stormed by the large congregation of wrestlers that were watching the match. When Shawn made his way over to us, he saw all of our faces and knew exactly what we had on our minds. He just shrugged his shoulders and sat down in the chair next to Ric. They talked in hushed tones as Adam's music began to come through the speakers. I didn't need to actually hear them to know what the nature of their discussion was._

_When the bus makes its ultimate stop, the hotel parking lot, we all don't rush to leave. Like I stressed before, there is order to these things. It is more like a single file dismissal. One person leaves, heads up the ramp like driveway towards the hotel, grabs their bag which arrived on another smaller bus altogether and is now waiting at the top, and heads inside. I am not ultimately sure why things are done this way. Adam once told me that it was because of the people standing outside, whether it is fans or photographers. He says that that way we can be our real selves but not contradict any storylines our characters may be in. Like he can be Adam, but not be seen with Jeff Hardy's on-screen girlfriend (even though in reality she is his). I told him that this was what led to all the rumors on the internet and he wholeheartedly agreed, but this was how things were done._

_There was no set order on who left first. You just got up and it was your turn. After a few people had left, Adam leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before getting up and filing out of the bus. I knew that he was pretty tired after his grueling match tonight and just wanted to sleep. I honestly didn't blame him. Shortly after Adam left, Randy pushed his way out the door. He had a cold air of indifference about him and I still had a feeling that something was going to happen. _

_A few more left and then finally I decided to go. Unlike the domestic tour around the country that usually constitutes a wrestler's schedule, the overseas tours are so much more formal. Same hotel as everyone, same traveling schedule as everyone, same transportation as everyone. I was surprised at times that they didn't tell us what to wear. Since everyone was together, there were always people waiting wherever we went and tonight was no exception. A small throng of fans were standing right near the tour bus (even with the tight security that was blocking their entry to the hotel). After a few smiles and waves (and actually a few signed autographs), I headed up the incline of the driveway in contemplation._

_Here I was, actually known by name in another country. Because of this assignment, I was recognizable for the first time in my life and I felt… I felt unclean. I always did when someone would ask me for my autograph or picture. I didn't deserve any attention. These were the moments when I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that I wasn't a professional wrestler. Yet of course people would probably not take much away from it, seeing as most people see the Divas as a little more than tits and ass. Maybe that was the reason some of them were hired, but anyone who ever took a bump in that ring has some of my respect. It took me weeks just to be able to do that marginally well._

_So, what would happen when I quit? I would still be recognized. Maybe after a few months, my image would fade from a fan's knowledge (I could only hope). But what if it didn't? What if I had to hide behind a pair of ridiculously huge Edge-and-Christian-like sunglasses just to get around my own town? That was definitely not what I signed up for, but could be a very real possibility._

_When I made it to the top of the ramp, I noticed a few photographs – one who even had a video camera. I smiled politely at the men and walked over to the lines of luggage. I grabbed my bag and quickly wheeled it behind me. Shooting one last look at the men and their cameras, I scampered through the hotel's glass doors, aware that the camera could still be on my form. I didn't know how my friends did this day in and day out. I felt like I was being looked at under a microscope, ready to be analyzed and critiqued. Another layer of toughness that was needed to make it in this business._

_I was pleasantly surprised to see my boyfriend was lounging on one of the cream colored sofas in the small lobby space. He was obviously beyond tired, but seemingly waited for me before going up to our room. My slight contemplative frown turned into a smiling grin as I headed over his way. His attention that was originally focused on the tiled floor shifted to mine._

"_About time," he said teasingly. "I thought you would take the hint and follow me off."_

"_Sorry," I said with a small faux pout. "Can you ever forgive me?"_

"_You'll have to give me time to think about it," he said, standing from his seat so he towered over my form once more. Damn flat shoes…_

"_Times up," I murmured, bringing my hand up to lightly push a few locks of hair away from his eyes._

_He grinned wolfishly and brought his lips down upon mine. Adam's hands grasped my waist and latched on. Never breaking our lips' contact, he sat back down on the sofa, taking me with me. I landed unceremoniously straddling his form. Luckily, my skirt went down to my knees so I was still fully shielded from the hotel staff's eyes that were certainly upon us at that moment._

_I didn't know how long we stayed in that position and honestly, I didn't care. Everything that I had been contemplating the past few hours left my mind. Adam always had that power over me. One look, one touch, one word – I was at his mercy. He had me completely. And it was those thoughts that led me to believe that I would never be able to fully get Adam Copeland out of my system, no matter how hard I would try._

"_At least some of us are still in good spirits."_

_Adam and I quickly separated, as I climbed off of his lap and slid onto the cushion next to him. I wiped my lips with the back of my hand and looked up at Mr. McMahon as if he was my father who had just caught a teenaged me with a boy in my room. I knew that Vince was well aware of our relationship, but I couldn't help the embarrassment of having him see us in that state._

"_Everything alright, Vince?" Adam asked, reaching out and lightly grasping my hand in his._

"_No, not exactly, but it has been dealt with," he answered with a small frown. __I watched as Adam nodded his head, knowing that you didn't exactly pry details out of the head honcho of the company. _

_Even though I expected Vince to be like his character "Mr. McMahon", he was quite opposite. Sure they were both rich, ran the business, and had wrestling in their blood. But in my eyes, it ended there. Vince could be sometimes cold and deceiving, but it was all for the love of his company. The few times that I actually witnessed Stephanie and Vince together (when I was hanging out with some people in catering), it reminded me a lot of my own relationship with my father. Right after seeing the pair, I picked up the phone and had a long conversation with the most important person in my life. And that was when everything began to fall into place._

_Everything I saw on the screen when watching the shows was not fake, but it was certainly not real. It's a blurring of the two lines that makes this business work. Vince was a great example of that. If he went out and was the real Vince McMahon, the one the world never gets to see, it would be as if your own father was in the ring. No, he instead acts as his alter ego who puts down his marriage and at times family, mocks his employees, and pretty much pisses off everyone in sight. But that isn't the real Vince McMahon… and I was finally starting to see the error in all of my earlier judgments of the WWE came down to one main fact. Most everyone I had met in this company was a lot like me. Sure instead of sitting behind a desk and writing for a living, they decide to travel the world and suplex their coworkers in the ring. Yet that is the only real difference. They are fathers, mothers, sisters, and brothers… best friends, hated enemies, and lovers._

"_Well, we better head up," Adam said, breaking me from my thoughts. I smiled slightly and rose from my seat, grasping the handle of my bag in one hand; the other still encompassed in my boyfriend's._

"_Hey Adam, can you check on Randy for me when you have a chance?" he asked as the two of us headed toward the elevator. "He's in room 516."_

"_Sure," Adam answered curiously. "But why all the concern?"_

_I don't think either Adam or I were ready for Vince's answer. Sure, a lot of things had been said over the past few days, but I never expected this. But it seemed like the anomaly in the well oiled machine that was the WWE European tour had been dealt with._

"_He is no longer on the tour."_

* * *

Tuesday October 16, 2007  
11:05 AM - London, United Kingdom - Victoria and Albert Museum

"You are supposed to be keeping me awake."

"I'm sorry, but I have to finish this paragraph."

I quickly scrawled my closing thoughts about the Self Portrait by Tintoretto before closing my notebook and leaning back on the park bench. I looked around at the tourists and art enthusiasts, thinking about why I was even here. I wanted to do this story, but I was finding it quite hard to put my full effort and passion into my words.

I had started my next assignment a little earlier than I had originally thought. A Guidebook on Italian Renaissance Art for the common man was the main objective. I was to describe and enlighten all the while not be confusing and convoluted. It was easier said than done. I had already traveled through Germany and France, going to certain museums that housed works of art for my journal. Now, I was in England which was my final stop before the ultimate destination of Italy.

I had spent the whole day yesterday at this museum and I was back once more. Luckily, I had only one more room to cover. Yet it just so happened to be one of the largest and most popular galleries in the whole museum. I was taking a break before heading that way, trying to collect my thoughts about some of the previous works of art I had seen when Chris had called.

Chris had an interview today talking about his book which was being released next week, thus the need for the wakeup conversation. On top of the first reviews of his book being released (all positive by the way), there was also the huge speculation that the SaveUs campaign on the Raw broadcasts was foreshadowing his second coming to the WWE. Of course, nothing had been totally confirmed by the WWE… but it is pretty obvious. Well, maybe it is just to me seeing as I know that they are talking about him. Chris told me that last night the code interrupted JR and the King and contained some cryptic clues that could easily been decipherable. Supposedly one of the words in the code was bookshelves, which in my mind pretty much just gave it away. But everyone by now probably knows that it is him, or has a very good suspicion.

"Okay, I'm done," I muttered.

"So, you honestly didn't watch the show last night?" he asked for almost the millionth time in our pretty short conversation.

"How many times can I say 'no'?" I asked sarcastically. "I was working on my writing. Besides, I haven't been keeping up with it as much as I used to."

"And where are you now?" he asked, again in a weird tone.

I was getting really confused by his train of thought and questioning. It almost made me think that he was up to something… again. Yet this time, I knew that I had no need to be wary. Adam was still on or just ending a long road trip down the West Coast and I was on the other side of the globe. Still, I didn't like the feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something was not right and he knew it.

"At an art museum in London," I said dryly. "Don't mind me if I spare many details as I still am having trouble fully trusting you."

"Okay, okay – I probably deserve it," he answered with a chuckle. "But I promise you that my days of actively meddling are over."

"Yeah sure," I muttered in total disbelief of his claim.

"It's the truth," he attested adamantly. "You're a mature - well at most times mature - adult and can make your own decisions."

"I know that you have something up your sleeve," I replied.

Chris had pretty much spent the whole time we knew each other trying to get Adam and I together. And now he wanted me to believe that he was throwing in the towel? That was not a feasible option. Maybe he wasn't going to try and set up anymore run-in meetings, but I still didn't trust him.

"The times that I have tried to help you in the past proved to me that you aren't ready to see him," Chris said bluntly. "You have a lot of stuff you need to work out on your own first."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, after a few moments of trying to figure out where he was going with his statement. He was being really difficult this morning. For someone who just woke up, he certainly seemed alert and complicated.

"You try so hard to just put a smile on your face and say that you are getting over things, but I know deep down, you know that is far from true," he said. "You and I both know that leaving the WWE affected you… a lot. You just don't want to admit that it."

"I have admitted it… many times!" I ranted into the phone, angered that he could think such thoughts.

"Okay, sure, you've told everyone how you_ had_ to leave and that you _couldn't _stay, but you know as well as I that that is not the case. I don't know if anyone has ever told you this, maybe because they figured that it was too apparent or didn't have the balls to, but you _chose_ to go. You could have stayed. You could have said 'fuck what I originally was here to do' and stayed. But you didn't, which is fine. No one is condemning you for it even though you might like to think it. You need to face the facts though Nam. No one is dwelling on the issue anymore except you. You can't keep feeling so sorry for everything you did in the past. It's done."

I listened to him articulate things that had always been lingering in the air, but never said. He was right about everything. I was the only one still dwelling in the past. Adam had moved on. Jeff had moved on. _Everyone_ had moved on… except me. Their lives continued while I tried to keep living in the past. And true, it was my decision to leave, but it was the only one I could have made. Wrestling was not my life, even though I might have wanted to be. Maybe I could have lasted a few more months – a few years at most – but then where would I be?

A great writer once wrote: "Writers write. It's in their blood. I'm _not_ a writer. I'm a_ wrestler_ who happens to write. There's a difference." I never actually got a chance to meet Mick Foley, but I have read two and a half of his autobiographies (still in the process of finishing the third). For someone who has taken more chairshots to the head than any person should, he certainly is a witty and intelligent writer. I am not just speaking as a wrestler who writes... he _is_ a writer whether he wants to believe it or not. I took that quote to heart and even included it in my ending conclusion for my own work. I was the opposite - a writer who happens to wrestle. Yet unlike him and his writing, I wasn't great at wrestling, but I did have a slight passion for it. But it wasn't in my blood... or in my soul.

"You keep a lot of your true feelings inside; you always have. But now isn't the time for that. That was in the past when you were trying your hide and seek game with the world. But guess what, babe? Everyone knows now."

I nodded my head, but still kept quiet. Everyone did know as the first media releases about my book were published and distributed a few weeks ago. I purposely didn't listen to any chatter and tried to block out all response to the book so far. Some things slipped through. And let's just say I would definitely not be welcomed with open arms back into a WWE locker room at anytime in the near future.

"Look Chris - ," I started before drifting off, trying to figure out what to say.

I didn't know if I truly wanted to 'break down the walls' so to speak and open up fully. Chris and I had a weird friendship that was based on a mutual bond with others. These others didn't know about our relationship making it less of a friendship and more of a secret affair. I knew that if Adam ever found out, he would hate Chris. He made his sentiments pretty obvious when I was eavesdropping a month ago. Everything was weighing me down. I couldn't sleep at night just thinking about what I had become and how it was so unlike who I once was. I could hardly recognize myself anymore.

"When I look in the mirror, I don't see the Nami that Adam knew," I said softly, finally deciding that I needed to get some things off of my chest and out of my mind. "Hell, I don't even see the Nami before the whole Diva Search fiasco began. This isn't me and I don't like who I have become. I haven't stopped thinking about what I could've done differently to make this right in my heart. And God, there are so many things that I could've done. I know that this is sounding overly melodramatic, but I can't keep going like this. I never planned for this to happen and I hate myself."

"Nam, calm down," Chris said, sensing by the tone that my emotions were getting the better of me. "You aren't fully to blame for any of this. It was your job, you know? You were doing what you were told."

"No, if I was doing what I was told, I would have never fallen in love in the first place. I would have never spoken to Jeff that night and I would have never forgiven Adam."

"Huh?" Chris asked, obviously not aware of the first few experiences of my stay in the WWE which led me to the quivering mess that I was now.

Things could have been so much different if Adam and I never bumped into each other that night. At first, I started out condemning the very being of Adam Copeland, but it quickly faded and turned into something so much sweeter. And then there was Jeff… we bonded right from the start as well. But what if we didn't? This would have been so much easier if I just did what I was supposed to do. I now understood why the WWE management put the stipulation about not hanging around the Superstars in the Diva Search contract. This was the end result. 'Cause even if I had won the contest, if I had never known Adam and Jeff, I could honestly say that my assignment would have ended there.

I knew that I was coming across as being overly sensitive and really depressing. But no one understood what I was feeling. My heart was ripped out of my chest and never correctly replaced. I had never felt so perfect as I did when I was in Adam's arms. I had never felt so comfortable as I did when I saw Jeff smile. They, along with the other countless friends I had made, changed me and made me whole. They took a scared, young girl and made her experience so many varying emotions that it felt like a lifetime had passed in a few short months. And all of it was gone and without any signs of being renewed.

"Don't worry about it," I said with a sigh.

No one understood that the person I wanted to be was lost at sea with no land in sight. I didn't even have a paddle.

"Don't shut me out again. We were doing so well. I just think that you need to stop feeling so sorry for yourself. You should be enjoying life, not just walking through it. And I don't want to get really preachy on you –"

"Too late," I muttered as I collected my things and stood from the bench.

"Very funny," he muttered flatly. "But as I was saying for the _millionth_ time, you need to move on. Everything will start to get better once you can put all of this behind you."

"It will never be behind me."

"And that is your problem," he said with a sigh. "Let go Nam. You have to do it."

Now, I was getting angry. It was a popular defense mechanism of mine. Everyone saw it often when I didn't want to admit that what I was hearing was the truth. Adam saw it when he spoke about my feelings for Jeff. Jeff saw it when we tried to speak about our relationship. Randy saw it… well, he normally just saw it because he was an ass. Yet it had never failed me in the past. When I didn't like things and knew that they were beyond my control, I put up an anger barrier that carried me through the day. So for the few walls that we had broken down today, more were being put up in their place.

"You want me to let things go, huh?" I ranted scathingly into the phone. "Fine Chris, I will and it starts with you."

I flipped the phone shut and threw it back into my handbag. I knew that he didn't deserve it, but I couldn't deal with him anymore. If he wanted me to truthfully move on from all that was tying me to the past, he really would need to be let go. He was part of my life solely because of my past. I couldn't leave that behind and not him. And if that was the way he wanted things, I wouldn't want to disappoint.

I could feel my phone begin to vibrate in my bag and knew exactly who was calling. I didn't care. Let him call. He had gotten me so riled up. I didn't need to deal with these things while I was trying to work. I didn't want to deal with these things ever to be honest. I wanted to believe that one day I would wake up and everything would be gone. All the pain and loneliness… all the guilt and memories. Everything that was eating away at my insides – gone. Well, that day hadn't come yet, but I'll keep ya'll posted.

I walked back into the museum and through random galleries, ready to take on my final task for the day: the Cast Courts. It was unusual that a museum would not house originals in such a predominant large space, but these two halls were dedicated to the study of great works of art. Not everyone had the liberty of travelling all across Europe to view classic pieces of sculpture and architecture. Well, the Victoria and Albert Museum took care of it for them. Encased in the two large halls were quite a few iconic pieces of Renaissance art. Copies of Michelangelo and Donatello, columns that rose high toward the ceiling. The courts were an art lover's dream come true.

I spent an hour wandering around the two rooms, taking brief notes about the works. They were of course just cast copies, but interesting in their creation. I took the longest amount of time in front of the copy of Michelangelo's David. It was always one of my favorite pieces. It looked identical to the original that Jeff, Matt, and I had seen when we went on our own little sightseeing tour in Italy. I frowned when that memory floated through my consciousness. So much for trying to forget and move on.

Now, I couldn't bear to look at another work of art. I just wanted to go lie down. I hastily turned around to make my exit and wound up bumping into a man standing right behind me. I dropped my notebook and bag on the ground, cosmetics and personal items flying. I bent down grumbling as I calmly tried to retrieve my fallen items, slightly taken aback at the man not even offering to help.

As if he was reading my mind, he leaned down and picked up a book that had fallen from my bag. It was Mick Foley's _The Hardcore Diaries_, a book that I was finally getting the chance to read (even though Adam had read me segments of it in March when the book came out). As much as I tried to say that I was putting my old life behind me, I couldn't. I went to grab it from the man's hand. Before I could, he stood up once more. I looked up at him, slight contempt in my eyes, with the intention of telling him off. Yet as soon as I looked in his eyes, every coherent thought left my body except for the accusation that this had to be Chris's fault.

And if this was God's idea of _throwing me a paddle_, I would like to have a long conversation with him.


	55. Sweetest Things Burn Before They Shine

A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. Lyrics in the chapter belong to Fort Minor. Thank you to all who have read, added, and reviewed. **reb, nefertina-shanf, HardyxGirl, KaraAlissa, Farra Sti, Engimatic Lotus Leaf, unlimited emerald0307, 68 stones from a broken heart, x.Cassie, purplefeather21, 2 Live is 2 Die, Orton Addict, xxHungryeyesxx -** I thank you all so much as you are the reasons that this chapter was finished. I had written this chapter over a half dozen times in the past few weeks, trying to figure out the best way to go about things. If it was up to me, I would probably still be fixing things or tweking little sections.

The chapter is extremely dialogue heavy, but it is needed for the story to move forward. Only a few chapters left (that will hopefully not be as hard to write). Still not sure about how I am going to end it, but I guess I'll see when chapter sixty actually comes. **Thanks again to my reviewers** because this story really is dedicated to you. I would never have had the drive to keep on writing if not for your comments. Peace and Love!!

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_Thursday April 19, 2007  
12:22 AM – Forli, Italy_

_Both Adam and I just stood there in slight shock at what Vince had just said. Randy was being kicked off the tour. Sure, he was being a total pain in the ass and getting on everyone's nerves, but it wasn't anything new. It was just now a little more intense, but I figured that it could be because of the close quarters that we were all subjected to on this tour. This punishment seemed like it was a little too much._

"_Huh?" Adam asked dumbfounded, after a few moments of letting the news actually sink in his brain._

"_Randy is going to be flying back home tomorrow," Vince replied. "We'll need to have a meeting in the morning to figure out the changes to the card and…"_

"This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill…"

_I shot apologetic looks to both my boyfriend and boss while fishing my phone out of my bag. There were only a few reasons that John could be calling after spending much of the day in each other's company. The one that stuck in my conscience as I put the phone to my ear was he already knew the news about his best friend's departure from the tour and wanted to be the messenger to his other friends. Too bad he was a little too late._

"_Hey," I said, turning away from Adam and Vince so they could continue conversing uninterrupted._

"_Hey yourself," he answered with a slight chuckle. "I was just wondering if you were still in the lobby or perhaps didn't even get off the bus yet?"_

"_As a matter of fact, I am still downstairs," I responded. "You need something?"_

"_Yeah, another key to my room," he said jokingly._

"_You serious?" I asked, shooting a look at the vacant front desk._

"_Uh-huh… guess the card didn't pick up the code or something," he muttered, as I could hear him sliding it through once more. "Yeah, still not working."_

"_You think that they'll let me get a new one for you?" I asked, as I let go of my bag's handle and started to walk over toward the desk._

"_Nam, where you going?" Adam asked from behind me, before John had a chance to answer._

"_Just need to get something," I muttered, glancing over my shoulder to give him a smile before continuing my journey. "Now, back to my question."_

"_Just let me talk to the guy at the desk," he said with a laugh. "I'll explain everything."_

"_Yeah, that you are a lazy ass and can't come back down the elevator to get it yourself," I joked, leaning up against the marble desk. I smiled at the man behind the counter and pulled the phone away from my ear. "My friend would like to speak to you."_

_I handed the man the phone before turning back around to return my gaze to Adam. He and Vince were still in discussion, probably about Randy. I couldn't believe that Randy was leaving the tour. Sure, his behavior warranted a strong talking to, but kicking him off? He must have said something directly to Vince to get him sent home. I just hoped that his behavioral slide ended with this, but I knew Randy too well for that to be a definite._

"_Miss, here is Mr. Cena's new key," the front desk worker said with a smile handing me the new key card and then my phone. "We are so sorry for the inconvenience."_

"_Oh, it's no problem," I said with a smile before putting the phone back up to my ear. "Alright you lazy bum, I have your room key."_

"_Thanks Nam," he said. "I'm on the fifth floor so you can just pop up whenever and give me the key."_

"_I think you would want it as soon as possible," I reasoned, coming to stand right next to my boyfriend once more._

"_Yeah well, I was probably going to go chill in Orton's room for a little; see if I can't talk some sense into him," he said, sighing as I heard him knock on a door through the phone._

"_John, I wouldn't if…"_

"_What the fuck do you want Cena?"_

_I groaned and knew that I was too late to warn John about Randy's situation before he came in contact with his friend. Randy's harsh query made it quite obvious that John had succeeded in crossing paths with the most likely totally pissed off Legend Killer._

"_I'm going to have to call you back Nam. It seems that Randy and I need to have a little discussion," John replied in a grim tone. I didn't need to witness the stare down that was most likely occurring to know that things were not looking good._

"_John – wait!" I exclaimed, but it was too late. "Shit!"_

"_What's wrong babe?" Adam asked, as both men's eyes rested on my frustrated form._

"_Nothing besides the fact that we might have a dead WWE champ on our hands if we don't hurry up to Randy's room," I said sardonically, taking the handle of my luggage in my hand._

"_Tomorrow cannot come soon enough," Vince grumbled with a slight chuckle. "Let me know if things get too out of control."_

"_Will do," Adam replied with a small smile, before grabbing his own luggage and taking my free hand in his. "See you tomorrow Vince."_

"_Get some rest you two… and I mean 'real' rest," he said jokingly, knowing that sleep was probably not exactly on our minds as of yet._

"_Sure thing," Adam said laughing and flashing a genuine smile. _

_Vince nodded to the two of us before walking toward the small hotel café. He probably had a management meeting to attend with Randy's behavior being the topic of discussion. One little link in the WWE tour's chain broke off and now everyone was affected. Matches needed to be changed, appearances revised… no wonder Vince was in a no-nonsense mood._

_The two of us walked silently to the elevators. We both were lost in our own thoughts about the current situation as we boarded the empty compartment and started the journey to the fifth floor. I was sure that we were both about to walk into a tense situation between the two best friends. It seemed like the elevator incident from a few days ago was just a precursor to this confrontation._

"_You ready to head to the battle zone?" Adam asked as the elevator doors slid open._

"_Not really, but we better go rescue John," I said slightly smiling as we walked out, heading toward room 516._

"_I guess there is a first time for everything," he replied sarcastically, earning a slight shove._

"_Please, don't start. I don't want you getting yourself kicked off the tour too," I said._

"_It would take a lot more than that," he said, lightly kissing my cheek. "Besides, I'm not even sure how Randy got himself axed. Vince was a little sketchy on all the details."_

"_He must have opened up his big mouth and said something directly to Vince," I replied as we came to stand right in front of Randy's door._

"_I doubt he would be that stupid, beautiful," Adam said as he started to knock on the door. _

_The force from his hand pushed the slightly ajar door open, revealing what used to look like a posh hotel room. Now, it looked like a tornado had ransacked the place. Broken glass, shattered mirrors, overturned furniture, a smashed television – the only thing really missing was Randy (and John, for that matter)._

"_You were saying," I muttered sardonically as we both surveyed the damage._

_I watched as he looked around in total disbelief, running his palm across his lips in a nervous gesture. I'm sure he did not want to be the one who had to tell Vince. Adam was supposed to just check on him, not clean up his mess._

"_So… what now?" I asked as I let go of my luggage's handle, walking toward the armchair so I could set it upright._

"_I have no clue," he replied, leaning up against the wall only to jump away once his back came in contact with it. "It's fucking soaked."_

_I looked at his feet and saw broken glass bottles, courtesy of the minibar and an angry Legend Killer. Adam looked down himself and saw the same evidence. He turned to me shaking his head and bitterly laughing._

"_Oh, there is no way in hell that I am telling Vince about this shit," he said, still laughing in disbelief. _

_He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and quickly punched in a number. I just continued looking around, seeing if there was anything I could do to make it look more livable or at least presentable. Yet that would be like asking someone to recreate the Sistine Chapel ceiling if it was ever tarnished. It could not be done._

"_Where the fuck is he?" Adam raged into the phone, making my attention turn back to my boyfriend once more. "I take it you have seen… well, why the fuck didn't you stop him?"_

_I figured that John was on the other end of the conversation. Adam did bring up a good point of why John wasn't able to stop Randy. They may both be huge, strong athletes, but John would definitely have the strength advantage in any contest._

"_Where are you two now… I wouldn't go down there unless you want to see Vince and have to explain all this shit to him. Besides, I really doubt he wants to see Orton to begin with," Adam continued. "We'll be in the hallway. Try and calm his ass down."_

"_Is Randy okay?" I asked, as we once again grabbed our things and headed out of the destruction once known as Randy's hotel room._

"_Is he okay?" Adam asked sarcastically. "Do you even need me to answer that question? I think what we just walked out of is proof that he is far from okay."_

_I could tell by his tone that Adam was frustrated and I certainly didn't blame him. He knew that he was going to have to tell Vince. Randy wouldn't man up and do it; not in his mindset as of right now anyway. I knew that Vince wouldn't take it out on my boyfriend, but still… it wasn't his responsibility to be the messenger._

_A few moments dwelling in silence were interrupted by the soft ping of the elevator. I guessed that they were going back down to the lobby in one of the compartments when we were coming up the other shaft. The doors slid open to reveal a pissed off champ with a sober yet menacing Legend Killer at his side. Maybe his nickname should be altered to Hotel Trasher now… I guess it doesn't have the same intimidating connotation. I looked down and saw that Randy was favoring his right hand, blood slightly caking on his knuckles. And even though I knew that it was all his own doing, I felt bad for him. This business was his life and he was just showing his frustration – not that I really condoned the way he did it._

"_Thanks for the heads up, man," John said as the two men piled out of the elevator and came to stand across from us in the hallway._

"_I didn't know what else to do considering Vince told me to come up here and check on him," Adam said sighing in annoyance at the whole situation._

"_Hey, I am here, you know?" Randy exclaimed, still seething from everything that had occurred. "I can speak for myself."_

"_Oh really?" Adam posed as he advanced on him slightly. "Then be my guest. Go down and tell Vince about everything that happened tonight. I'm sure he'd love to hear about your recent passion for interior decorating."_

"_Shut up," Randy grumbled as he pushed past my boyfriend and headed back down the hallway toward his room._

"_I'm just curious Orton – what the fuck did you say to Vince to get him to suspend your ass from the tour?" Adam continued, following Randy down the hallway with John and myself not too far behind him._

"_Why do you care?" Randy queried, not even sparing a glance or breaking his stride. "Just go to your room, fuck your girlfriend, and leave me the hell alone!"_

"_Hard to do that when our boss personally asked that I look after you," Adam bellowed, following Randy stride for stride only a pace behind._

"_I can take care of myself," he muttered, pushing his door open and attempting to slam it in Adam's face._

"_Now, why am I having a hard time believing that?" Adam asked sarcastically, his face lighting up like he was performing as Edge in front of the millions of WWE fans. "Could it be the fact that the second you have a little setback, you act like a fucking three year old?"_

"_Oh yeah, let's bring up my maturity level once again," Randy said, throwing his arms up in the air in frustration. "Better yet, why don't we spend our time picking apart every little thing that you have done wrong in your life Copeland? I doubt we even have time to get through half!"_

"_This isn't about me, Randy," Adam countered while John and I cautiously walked into the room, careful not to step on any broken glass or disrupt their conversation. It was tense enough to begin with._

"_You're right – it isn't about you," Randy said with a smirk on his face. "So like I said: leave me alone before we run down a laundry list of all the things you have done in your life that I am sure you don't want your little perfect girlfriend over there to hear."_

"_Shut up," Adam muttered through clenched teeth as once again Randy and he found themselves face to face._

"_Sure she knows all about you screwing over your best friend just so you could physically screw his girlfriend," Randy said, a devilish smirk plastering itself on his features. He was just drudging this stuff up to make Adam mad, and it was working brilliantly._

"_Shut up," Adam repeated with a little more force, still not fully raising his voice._

"_And where exactly has that gotten you, huh Adam?" he continued, not intimidated by my boyfriend's threatening tone. "Is Nam just a rebound fuck until you find another one of your friend's girlfriends to steal?"_

"_Shut the fuck up!" Adam yelled._

"_Make me," Randy said with a conniving smile._

_Adam grasped Randy by the front of his shirt and pushed him against the nearest wall. The previously silent and statuesque John finally came to life and pulled my boyfriend off of the now laughing Randy. John struggled to get a good hold of Adam, but was finally able to fully separate the two friends. I just stood by and watched everything unfold. Tonight had gone from tiring to frustrating to now being just flat out weird. This seemed like something that would be played out in front of the WWE cameras, not behind them._

"_Why don't you take Nami and get out of here?" John reasoned letting go of a still very embittered Adam. "I'll handle him."_

"_Aw, leaving so soon?" Randy asked mockingly, earning all three of us to glare at his snickering form._

"_Nam, why don't you head up to our room? I'll be up in a little bit," Adam asked, never letting his gaze leave Randy's eyes._

"_But…"_

"_Nami, please," Adam said, finally tearing his eyes away to look into mine. "Just go."_

_I gave him a slight nod, knowing that I really didn't want to be around this scene any longer to begin with. I smiled slightly at John, frowned at Randy, grabbed my bag, and left. After everything that went down in the past hour, I knew that I should just go to the room and try to sleep. Yet I couldn't fathom about sleeping right now. I had too much on my mind._

_Instead of heading up a floor to the room that Adam and I shared, I decided to go visit Jeff. We hadn't yet had our 'talk' that he had been promising me for the past week. Maybe now I could catch him at an opportune time. I knew what room the brothers were sharing because of our late night of traveling from the airport last night. I made it to their door, which was on the opposite side of the long hallway as Randy's, and knocked quietly._

"_Hey… oh my, were you sleeping? I didn't mean to…"_

"_It's alright Meemz," Jeff interrupted, yawning slightly before waving me inside. His hair was slightly mussed and pajama attire clung to his form. I walked into the room and noticed that his brother was stirring from slumber as well._

"_I feel horrible," I muttered looking between the two drowsy brothers. "I didn't mean to wake you. I guess I assumed you would still be up."_

"_What time is it anyway?" Matt mumbled, trying to wipe his failed attempt at sleep from his eyes._

"_A little bit after one," I said with a slight smile. "Did I stress that I am really sorry?"_

"_Don't worry about it," he responded, rolling out of his bed and grabbing his phone from the end table. "Besides, I should be thanking you. Forgot to call 'the wife' before I turned in. I might not be on the shit list tonight."_

"_Whipped," Jeff grumbled underneath his fake attempt at coughing._

_I found Matt's attentiveness to Ashley cute, as it reminded me a lot of Adam's own behavior toward myself. Matt and Adam were very much alike and I am sure that is why they were so good of friends at one point in time. I constantly wished that maybe they could move past all of their bitterness, but some wounds would never close. I feared that this was certainly one of them._

"_I'm not the only one, but at least I'm dating her unlike someone I know," he said, shooting a look at his brother and me before waving and exiting the room._

"_Don't mind him," Jeff said before gesturing toward his unkempt bed._

_I leaned my bag against the wall and took a seat on the edge, but was quickly repositioned into a lying position next to my best friend. He wrapped his arm around my form, my head coming to lean on his chest. He ran his fingers lightly over my arm and for the first time tonight, I was actually calm. I knew that visiting Jeff would have that effect on me, but there was also another reason for my visit._

"_Jeff?" I asked, tentatively beginning what I hoped would be an illuminating conversation._

"_Nami?" he replied jokingly with a laugh._

"_I was… just wondering if you wanted to talk?" I asked, leaning my head back so I could catch a glimpse of the emerald orbs that kept me so captivated._

"_I figured that this wasn't an ordinary social visit," he said grinning._

"_Yeah well, I have had a long night," I responded, leaning my head right back on his chest while lightly running my fingers over his clothed form._

"_You and Adam get in a fight or something?" he asked, sounding genuinely concerned (not that I was all that surprised)._

"_Or something," I murmured. "Randy's been sent home."_

"_What?" Jeff interjected quickly, just as surprised as Adam and I were an hour ago._

"_Yeah and let's just say he isn't taking it all too well," I said, mentally running through the past confrontation in my mind._

"_Not too surprised there," he said, causing us both to laugh._

"_Well, I was certainly surprised when I saw his room," I said. "You remember when you went on your little home wrecking spree in the winter? Well, he's got you beat."_

"_You're kidding me?" he asked pulling me up so we were looking into each other's eyes._

"_Wish I was," I replied. "Adam and John are attempting to calm him down. It wasn't working too well when I was there. Hopefully things are progressing a little better now."_

"_Yeah – so damn, you've had a hell of a night," he said, lightly kissing my cheek. "You sure you don't want to turn in and try to get some rest?"_

"_You trying to get rid of me, Hardy?" I asked teasingly._

"_Never," he said with a warm smile. "You can stay in my arms forever if you want. I'm sure your boyfriend would have something to say about it though."_

_I looked away from him, my laughter dying in my throat. He was only joking (hopefully), but I couldn't take it any longer. If I thought the situation with Randy was confusing, I think my relationship with Jeff topped it. He would say it was just idle chatter, but when I looked in his eyes, I saw it wasn't so. This went beyond him not wanting me to be with Adam solely because he felt that I deserved better. Our relationship was always more than friends but less than lovers, and it was beginning to drive me mad._

"_As would your girlfriend," I said softly, as I pulled up deciding it was best to sit instead of the previous cuddling session._

"_Haven't we already been over this though?" he asked with a frustrated sigh. "I thought we talked out what we were going to do."_

"_Care to enlighten me?" I asked cyclically, knowing that any conversation we ever had didn't go much deeper than half truths and constant tiptoeing around the real issues._

"_I thought that we settled things after what happened in San Juan," he recounted. "We both pretty much admitted that we shared mutual romantic feelings for each other, but that nothing could come of it because of our current circumstances."_

"_Sounds pretty scripted," I replied cynically, sensing how the words seemed to flow from something he rehearsed not his heart. They just didn't sound like Jeff. "Now speak from your heart this time and maybe we will get somewhere."_

"_You want me to speak from my heart?" he asked, rising up to sit next to me on the bed._

_Before I could respond, Jeff leaned over and captured my lips in his. My mind was now officially mush from everything that had transpired in the past few hours. If I was in a better state of mind, I would have pushed him off immediately. In actuality, I brought my hand up to cup the side of his face and pull him closer. He used both of his arms to pull me closer as well, my legs thrown over top of his lap. I knew in my mind that this was wrong, but maybe this would make Jeff see that things weren't as settled as he wanted to believe. It wasn't like I wanted this to happen every time either of us needed a little comforting. There needed to be a line and it needed to be drawn tonight._

_We pulled back a few moments later, gasping for air as neither of us wanted to be the one to end the kiss (knowing that it would probably be our last… well, last one of that magnitude). I leaned my head against Jeff's cheek and tried to form a coherent sentence. That was not an easy task._

"_I guess we are back to the drawing board, huh?" Jeff asked, chuckling in spite of the situation that we found ourselves in._

"_Oh yeah," I muttered, lightly playing with one of his many braids in my fingers._

"_Tell me what to say and I will say it," he said firmly. "Whatever you want, I'll do."_

"_It's not as easy as that," I whined getting up from the bed, so I wouldn't be tempted to do anything I would regret. Hell, I was already trying to process what to tell Adam, because I didn't want to lie to him anymore than was absolutely necessary._

"_Yes, it is," he said in the same resolved tone. "You hold all the cards and I will go along with whatever you deem is right."_

"_But I don't know what is right and I don't know what I want," I said hastily._

"_Yes, you do," he said with a small smile. "I can see it in your eyes. You know exactly what you want, but you are afraid to say it. What is stopping you Meemz? I have pretty much given you my blessing and still you are holding back."_

"_There is something that… that I haven't told any of you," I said quietly, knowing that I couldn't push forward with this too long. "It's eating away at me and I'm never going to be able to get what I want until it is settled. And I fear that that won't be for a long time."_

"_Whatever you are keeping doesn't change the woman I see in front of me," Jeff said, reaching out to pull my arm and guide his hand to mine. "There might be a lot about you that I don't know, but from what I do know… well, I think you can figure where my affections lie. But I also know, and I now see you do as well, that the two of us are best as friends. We would be messing up two great relationships if we even considered anything other than this."_

"_I know. I think I have known all along, but never really wanted to fully see it," I said quietly, speaking more to myself than to Jeff. "Because once I fully commit to someone – to Adam – I am going to feel even worse about all that I have done."_

"_Whatever it is, I am sure that it isn't as bad as you make it seem," he joked, reaching up to brush the hair out of my eyes. "And if he can't look past it, then you both weren't meant to be. Just know, that I will always be here for you. Maybe not in the overly romantic sense of the word seeing as I am truly in love with and committed to Beth – but I am also in love with you, Meemz. Nothing is going to change that."_

_I didn't deserve his kind words even though I could see that he meant every single one. The two of us were certainly a pair; that was for sure. Yet in my heart, I knew that I was making the right decision. It took awhile for me to want to fully admit it, but Jeff and I weren't plausible at this time. It would taint what we did have if we ever even considered having a relationship beyond what we have now. In some ways, I needed him more than I needed Adam. Just thinking about this made me recollect to my favorite passage from my favorite novel, the English major coming out of me once again._

"_Jeff, you ever read 'Wuthering Heights'?" I asked, knowing that it would certainly sound like a total change of topic._

"_Probably in high school, but don't really remember much," he answered warily, unsure of what I was getting at._

"_I was just thinking about something from that novel that I never really got until now," I said, looking directly into his eyes with a smile. "There is this one passage, where the heroine is discussing her relationships, that I always had trouble with. I just wrote it off as gothic romance, but now I see that it can actually apply outside of the fiction shelves."_

"_You remember it?" he asked, looking at me in an interested yet still guarded manner._

"_It goes something like – 'My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods; time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath – a source of little visible delight, but necessary.' She goes on to say that Heathcliff is 'always in my mind – not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.' You are my Heathcliff, Jeff," I said with a small smile. "No matter what happens between Adam and me, you will still be the rock that I count on and a big part of my own self."_

"_Come 'ere," he said with a smile, pulling me down and into an embrace. He lightly kissed my cheek before positioning his lips right next to my ear. "I think that that is the best quotation I have ever heard you recite. And I agree with you – not just because I said I would, but because deep in my heart, I believe it as well."_

_The night had taken a turn for the better at that moment. Jeff and I were finally set on where we belonged. We both still had our relationships, but a mutual love for each other that would always run beneath. We parted ways shortly after: I needed to head back to my own room to sort things out with Adam while Jeff wanted to call Beth just to check in. Baring our own souls to each other made us crave __the ones that we truly shared our lives with. I was the lucky one who only had to walk a few yards to find him._

_The elevator ride up a floor seemed to take an eternity. When the doors slid open, I quickly shuffled down the hallway, fishing my keycard out of the my bag. I slid it through the slot, pushed the door open, and immediately noticed a frustrated Adam lying on our bed._

"_How's Jeff?" he asked flatly, keeping his eyes closed and pretending to be indifferent. I knew better. Yet before I could answer, he continued speaking. "Save whatever you are going to say in trying to save some face. I don't really care what happened."_

"_Yes, you do," I muttered, letting go of my bag and walking over to the bed to sit next to my boyfriend's form._

"_Alright, maybe I do, but it's not like I can count on you to be honest with me," he replied, opening his eyes and lifting his head to stare at me unemotionally._

"_How's Randy?" I asked, breaking our intense stare down deciding to concentrate on the mirror on the opposite wall. He didn't answer, just sighed and let his head fall back onto the pillow. I knew that my topic change had failed. "What do you want me to say?"_

"_Nothing, just get some sleep," he muttered, not opening his eyes or changing his monotone voice. "We have a long day ahead of us."_

"_This is more important to me than sleep," I said, crawling over so I straddled his form._

"_Too bad I can't say the same," he said in the same tone._

"_You don't mean that," I whispered as I leaned down and rested the tip of my nose on his, hoping that he would open his eyes. Instead, he rolled over sending me flying to the edge of the bed in the process._

"_Good night Nami," he said, still not leaving the somber tone._

_I stared at his back incredulously. I knew that he was probably frustrated over everything that had happened as a whole and was just taking the rest of his pent up anger out on me. It was just that now I finally wanted to talk with him about my true feelings and he could care less. I knew that he felt differently inside, but it still hurt to hear it. So I decided I would hurt him in kind._

"_Jeff and I kissed tonight," I said softly._

"_I know – I was at the arena, remember?" he said, no amusement hidden in his rhetorical query. "I'm sort of used to it by now considering I have to see it every fucking night."_

"_I meant downstairs in his room," I said, not deterred by his comments._

"_If you are waiting for me to be surprised, you're crazy. It's not some big secret around here that the two of you like each other. I just thought that you would have the common courtesy to learn from my mistakes and would've told me before you two decided to fuck around."_

"_We aren't sleeping together. I would never do that to you."_

"_So what do you call kissing him then?" he asked, finally turning on his other side so I could see his eyes. His voice may have been devoid of emotion, but his eyes surely weren't. They were aflame in the moonlight. "And please don't start with how it wasn't supposed to happen – how it was an accident that your lips ended up locked to each other – cause I'm not buying it."_

"_Adam, I love you – more than I ever thought was humanly possible," I started yet was quickly cut off._

"_I sense a 'but' coming on," he said with a forced chuckle._

"_That wasn't exactly the way I was going to head, but okay," I resumed, trying to choose my words as best as I could, knowing the situation I was in. I decided to get up off the bed and stand a few paces away. I couldn't stand his intense gaze. "'But' you and I both know that Jeff and I have something as well."_

"_Okay, what is this Nam?" he asked bitterly, getting up off of the bed to tower over my standing form. "Are you trying to find an easy way to say that you are breaking up with me to be with him? Have you finally decided to follow your heart and be with the person that you genuinely want to be with? You sick of staying with someone who you know deep down in your heart isn't the one for you?"_

"_Please, let me explain," I said, wanting to try and calm my boyfriend down before discussing things any further. That was going to be no easy task. _

"_All I want to hear is the truth," he replied, cupping my face in his hand, our eyes forced to stare into one another once again._

"_There is only one person I want to be with," I said cautiously, sensing Adam's rage beneath his stoic form. "One person who I want to lay next to at night. One person who I want to love with everything I have in my own heart."_

"_Give my best regards to Jeff for me," he whispered bitterly, letting go of my face to sit back down on the edge of the bed._

_I looked down at his form and saw the product of my uncertainty. Jeff and I were finally secure, but I was ruining the relationship that I wanted to prosper. I walked over to him and knelt down on the ground, much like he had done with me before we had even started dating. Things certainly had changed. Now, I was the one who was sure of what I wanted and he was the one with the doubts._

"_I talked with Jeff and was finally able to figure out some things that had been plaguing me for quite some time," I said, trying to look past his blond locks to find his eyes. "And I have finally been able to realize that I always knew what I wanted all along. I was just scared."_

"_He may have rainbow hair and an affinity for body paint, but he isn't all that scary of a guy," Adam muttered mockingly._

"_I wasn't scared of Jeff; I was scared of you," I said softly causing Adam to finally focus on my searching gaze. "I was scared of everything I felt for you and how fast I was falling totally head over heels in love with you. But now I realize that I can't sit back with my reservations and try to find something to damage our relationship because of a few doubts. I don't want that and I don't think you do either. All I want is to be with you – you and only you."_

_Adam brought his hands to either side of my face and pulled me up to him. Our lips sealed in a kiss that I hoped would never end. It was sublimely perfect. At that moment, I felt as if everything would find a way of working themselves out. I knew that I only had a handful of days left in the WWE, but right there and then, I was beginning to think that maybe things would work out in the end. Maybe it was just because Adam was rendering my mind useless with his passionate attention._

_We broke apart and I was happy to see a huge smile on his handsome face. I leaned into him more causing both of us to topple back onto the bed. Through laugher, we shimmied up on the mattress into a comfortable lying position, not unlike the one Jeff and I were in a little while earlier. He placed a light kiss on the top of my head before whispering softly into my ear, repeating the same words I had just said to him._

"_All I want is to be with you – you and only you."_

* * *

Tuesday October 16, 2007  
12:14 PM – London, United Kingdom – Victoria and Albert Museum

I took a deep breath and just stared up into his eyes, trying to decipher what emotions were hiding beneath. So many questions were running through my brain. Why was he England? Could this really be Chris's doing? And even more pertinent, what was _he_ doing in an art museum? I looked away from his eyes and shook my head, still in disbelief. Okay, so it could have been _much worse_, but still…

"Fuck me," I mumbled in a sardonically angered tone.

"Sorry babe, but you're about a month too late. I'm a married man now."

I turned my attention back up to my companion with a scowl on my face. This was what I got for thinking I could go the day without sunglasses. Since I was just spending the morning in the museum's many galleries, I didn't think my normal veil of a hat and sunglasses would be needed. It usually was for everyday life, as WWE Superstars (even ones that only lasted a few months) are still recognizable celebrities. And now with my book coming out, I was definitely trying to keep a _very_ low profile. Obviously, I wasn't doing the best job.

I realized that I was still kneeling on the marble floor. I pushed myself up and back to my feet, securing my bag on my shoulder once more. I looked back over at him and he wordlessly held out my fallen book. I reached out and grasped it, quickly putting it back in my bag. All the while, I was trying to figure out what to say. He obviously showed no signs of wanting to start the conversation, not like I really blamed him. I couldn't possibly fathom what he thought of me now when I never really knew his true feelings while I was in the WWE.

"So…" I started before realizing that I still had nothing coherent to say.

I turned away from his intense gaze, staring back once more at Michelangelo's statue. Why couldn't something go right for a change? I waited a few moments, but there was no sound from my companion behind me. Of course I was hoping that by some stroke of good luck, he would've decided to leave. Yeah… wishful thinking, I know.

"So are you going to give me some sort of explanation for everything that has happened the past few months or just stare at that statue's dick the whole day?"

My mouth gaped open at his vulgar comment and I immediately spun around to meet his gaze. His normal smirk adorned his features and it took everything in my being not to slap it off of his face (something that I had tried to do a few times in the past but never succeeded in).

"Fuck you," I muttered bitterly before brushing by him.

Every bruised nerve that Chris had been manipulating by his constant pressure and schemes to get me to speak with my former friends finally snapped. Should have known that it would have taken someone who made it his mission to annoy the hell out of me. I guess I should've been happy that things didn't really change, but I was too discombobulated to make any connection.

"I thought I already told you that _that _is not an option," Randy replied mockingly as I felt his presence right behind my retreating form.

I just scoffed at his comment and continued my trek out of the room, trying to find my way out of the museum. Well, more like trying to find my way away from the Legend Killer who was seemingly right on my heels. I made it through a few more hallways, still sensing the foreboding presence behind me. If there was anything that I got out of my conversation with Chris, it was that I had to stop running away from the past decisions I had made.

If I was ever going to let go like he advised (which is funny because my phone had yet to stop vibrating since I hung up on him), I needed to stop running away from things that were thrown in my way. I didn't walk away from Chris when we met. Well… actually, _I did_. But I was given a second chance thankfully. I probably wouldn't have been so lucky this time around.

I stopped abruptly and immediately felt his form crash slightly into my back. Yet before I could fall forward from the effect of the hit, Randy wrapped his arms around my waist to steady me.

"You okay?" he asked softly, his lips mere centimeters from my ear.

"Not really," I murmured in a sober tone, knowing that he would realize I wasn't speaking about my near fall.

"Kinda figured that," he whispered, while letting go of his hold on my waist. "We've been trying to find you for awhile."

"I know," I said, focusing on the floor instead of turning to face my companion. Randy was always quick to get to the real heart of the matter. This time was no exception.

"And so?" he posed as he came around to stand in front of me.

"And so?" I repeated, but in a tone that conveyed my annoyance and the futility of my situation. He brought both of his hands on either side of my chin and lifted my head so I would meet his gaze.

"_And so_… why didn't you come and talk with us?" he asked, not releasing his hold. I shut my eyes while shaking my head.

"I left you a note as I assumed that you had the capability to read," I said sarcastically, bringing my own hands up to try and pry out of his grip. "I guess I was wrong."

"Ha ha," he muttered drolly (not seeming very amused) before finally relenting and letting his arms fall at his sides once more. "I read your note and while I appreciate the thought, it didn't really answer any questions as to why you left. But honestly, I wasn't that surprised. Being honest and forthcoming was never your style."

"Oh, this is real rich coming from an egotistical jackass like yourself," I muttered before pushing past him and continuing to find my way out of the museum.

"At least I admit that I am," he said, again right on my heels. "You always have a problem with honesty? Or is it just to the people that you are spying on for your own personal gain?"

"It's not like that," I said defensively, finally finding my way back to the front of the museum and my ticket away from Randy.

"Oh really? Care to explain?" Randy asked mockingly. "Oh wait – that's right! You've never been good with the whole _telling the truth_ thing so why don't I close this one out for you?"

"Shut up," I muttered as I pushed the door open and headed outside.

I pulled my sunglasses out of my bag and put them over my eyes. I definitely didn't need to be recognized now when I had a former friend on my tail.

"I bet you were working undercover from the start, figured why not fuck with people's emotions while you are at it," he continued as he followed me while I tried to quickly make my way away from the museum. I hoped that Randy would be cautious about being out in public, as his baseball cap didn't really disguise him all that well. Boy was I wrong. "Or better yet, I bet that you decided that wrestling wasn't for you but still wanted to make a cheap buck and figured, 'what the hell, I'll just sell out the people I have come to call friends and make a pretty hefty paycheck in the process'. So which one was it, Nam? Were you a conniving lying bitch from the start or just a gold-digger that wanted more and didn't care what she had to do to get it?"

"I gotta go," I muttered with tears in my eyes, turning the corner and trying to skirt across the street without him following.

I didn't really know what to say to defend myself. I knew that what I did wasn't totally right, but it wasn't as condemnable as he was making it seem. I just could hope that he would change his tune once he was given a chance to read my work.

As of right now, I just wanted to avoid both him and his harsh form of questioning. It didn't work as I felt his hand grasp my wrist and pull me to him. He dragged me over to a nearby tree and pinned me against it. He let go of my now throbbing wrist once he made sure I had no way of escape.

"You're not going anywhere," he muttered softly, stating the obvious. It wasn't like I could overpower him.

"Don't be an asshole, Randy," I muttered, trying to keep my emotions in check. I knew if he pulled the glasses off he would see my sad state of disarray. I didn't want to give him the pleasure.

"Oh, you are one to talk _Ms. Wonderful_," he replied mockingly. "Do you have any fucking clue what type of damage you are causing with this shit? I don't know if you've noticed, but the business isn't going through the best of times right now."

"Thanks for the update," I grumbled sarcastically, earning a slight sneer from my former friend.

"You just don't get it, do you?" he asked in an irritated tone, probably because he was thinking that I didn't take what I'd done seriously. He leaned in so our faces were only millimeters apart, his eyes gleaming with fire dancing in the steely blue irises. "This is bigger than you. This is bigger than me. Hell it's even bigger than Adam, the man who you screwed over the most. This is about the fact that you are tarnishing the name of a company that is already in a warzone. There has been so much bad press lately and then we all find out about your little secret – the _real _reason that you decided to go off and disappear."

"You know nothing about…"

"Bullshit Nami!" he raged before I could finish my pitiful attempt at a defensive plea. "I know. I know all about it. I was just too blind to realize it when it was in front of my eyes."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, knowing that there was no way that he knew _everything _about my departure. The only WWE-tied person who did was Chris, and right now, I wanted to forget that he even knew.

"People don't keep journals for themselves," he said, pulling back slightly so I could see the smirk on his chiseled features all the better. "You were always writing in it and I never really suspected anything of it. I should've known. Your journal was just you writing everything that you wanted to say, but never had the balls to put the words in your mouth. Instead you used your pen."

"It wasn't like that… well at least not at the end," I admitted, finally able to push him slightly away from the tree that my back was now a fixture on. "I told you all about how I worked for a publishing company."

"Yeah, but you said you quit," he interrupted scornfully.

"And I did," I said, earning an incredulous look from the Legend Killer. "It's the truth, whether you want to believe it or not."

"I'm having trouble believing anything coming out of your mouth," he replied, his smirk slowly fading into a scowl. "But I can be reasonable enough."

I slightly chuckled at that comment as my sore wrist, puffy eyes, and aching back were evidence that he was being anything but reasonable. Out of all of my former friends, Randy was the one that I knew would be the hardest to convince. Jeff would hopefully understand. I knew that the bond that we had could probably be repaired if not totally fixed. Adam… I wasn't so sure about that one anymore. He was moving on and I was as happy as I could be for him. John, Jay, and the others could possibly be reasoned with. But Randy… he was a wild card.

"Reasonable? That's a funny adjective to describe your treatment of me so far," I said mockingly.

"You haven't said anything to make me feel like you deserve anything better," he whispered menacingly, leaning back in so our noses almost touched. "Now is no longer the time for hiding."

With that, he reached up and pulled the glasses from my eyes, dropping them on the ground and stamping on them with his heel. He watched his actions before turning back to me with more words of malice in mind. Yet I saw them die in his throat as he saw my empty, crushed spirit through my eyes.

And that was the thing that I loved most about Randy Orton. He was more compassionate than he ever would let on. He has walls that he sets up – his cocky persona shines through. Yet they easily crumble when he is around people he cares about and in situations that warrant empathy (well, _most_ times).

He brought his right hand up once more and lightly wiped the rest of the tears away from the bottom of my eyes. I shut them and turned away from the man who had seemingly done a one hundred and eighty degree turn right in front of me. It was good to know that there was some part of Randy that still cared for me. It also gave me hope for the reactions of my other friends.

No more words passed through either of our lips for quite some time. He pulled me closer to him and into a tender embrace. It was just what I needed to finally let go and let a few more tears of release fall. Randy just held me and let me use his shoulder as my personal Kleenex. I felt the vibration of my phone at my side and a sigh escaped from my lips. Randy reached down and pulled the phone from my open bag. I pulled back, staring in his eyes in shock at his action.

"Who's Chris?" he asked, turning the phone so I could see the screen.

I said a silent prayer that the photo on the phone was one of Chris with sunglasses on. I still found him instantaneously recognizable, but luckily Randy was unfazed.

"Just a friend," I said, grabbing the phone from his grasp and slipping it back in my bag.

"You fucking him?" he asked bluntly.

"He's married with children."

"You fucking him?" he asked again, apparently not deterred by my reply.

"Okay, let me rephrase my last statement: he is _happily_ married with children," I said, looking directly in his clouded eyes.

"So, do you _want _to fu…"

"Okay, enough!" I said, using all of my strength to push him off.

I walked away from Randy and started pacing. I couldn't just leave, but he was really starting to get on my nerves. First, he was indifferent. Next, he was down my throat about all I had done. Then, he was almost concerned and sympathetic to my situation. And now… he was back to the Randy Orton I usually saw.

"There is nothing going on with me and Chris," I said, once I had calmed slightly. "We are just good friends. He's a good listener and my voice of reason when I need some."

"So he knows all about…"

"Yeah, he knows," I murmured, not letting Randy get the upper edge in the conversation again. I didn't know if I could handle that. "He's read my book and assures me that you all will have no real problems with it."

"Yeah? And who in the hell is _he_ to judge?" Randy asked in a mocking, rhetorical manner.

Little did he know that Chris was more of an authority than perhaps the Legend Killer himself. He had been through a lot to get where he was (or was going to be again) in the WWE. His own book is a testament to it. And when I got the seal of approval from him that nothing in the book would cause a ripple effect in the structure of the WWE, I felt a wave of relief wash over me. Of course, nothing was a definite, but it was as close as I was going to get.

"Trust me… more than you could ever know," I said with a small smile, knowing that I would eventually relent and speak to my Sexy Beast of a friend again (probably as soon as I was finished with Randy).

"More secrets, huh Nam?" he asked with a chuckle. "Can't say I am all that surprised."

I was about to retort, but knew that I had nothing. I wasn't about to tell him that I had been talking with Chris Jericho for the past few months. If I did, I knew it would get quickly relayed to my ex-boyfriend and both me and his blond Canadian friend would be in a world of trouble. I didn't want any ill feelings to pass on the part of Chris. He was just looking out for me and in essence doing what his friend would have wanted him to do.

So while I was trying to figure out what to say to him, a question kept buzzing around in my brain. What was Randy even doing here? He had said that he had just gotten married. Perhaps a honeymoon? It didn't seem like Randy to spend a romantic getaway in museums. Besides, where was Sam?

"Um… I know that this is going to sound really off track of what we were discussing, but what are you even doing here?" I asked, finally finding my voice.

"Are you assuming that I have never been to an art museum in my life?" he asked with a grin.

"Well, now that you mention it," I said jokingly. "What I really meant was what are you doing in England?"

"WWE's here on tour," he answered. "Surprised you still aren't keeping up with your _subjects_. Not thinking about writing another exposé?"

"Fuck off," I grumbled, seeing that I hadn't gotten anything to permeate through his thick skull. I turned away from him and was about to leave when I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"I'm only trying to sort through all of this shit in my brain," he said softly, trying a calmer approach to get me to open up. "I don't understand what you did and only have my suspicions."

"Which are not validated," I interrupted.

"Okay then – tell me the truth," he said, spinning me around to look in his eyes once more. "And I mean the full truth."

"I can't do that," I said. Hey, he said that he wanted the truth and I gave it to him. "My contract forbids it, as well as prohibiting me from socializing with WWE employees. The last time I checked that certainly applied to the WWE Champion."

"Ah, so I see that you aren't totally devoid of current wrestling knowledge," he said chuckling. "You still watch?"

"Sometimes," I murmured.

"Well, if you were watching last night, you would have known that the company was in England on tour," he recalled.

I finally figured out why Chris was acting so weird on the phone. He knew that the Raw brand was in England and of course he didn't tell me. I mean, what were the odds that I would have run into someone I knew, but still… He should have said something so I could have been a little prepared for a freak occurrence like this.

"Chris," I muttered scathingly under my breath. Randy picked up on it and shot me a curious look. "It's nothing. I just… I just have to go."

"No, you don't," he said with a shake of his head. "You just want to go back to avoiding everything and everyone you screwed over for your own gain."

"It's not like that!" I vented once more.

"So, you weren't writing about us behind our backs?" he asked scornfully. When I didn't answer, he just shook his head and turned away from me. "That's what I thought."

I watched as he pulled his cell phone from his coat pocket and flipped it open. He hit a few buttons and a second later, put it up to his ear. I didn't know what he was doing, but was hoping that he had to check in with his wife. But I quickly remembered that this was Randy Orton that I was dealing with… but it was too late.

"Hey Copeland – I got someone here who wants to talk to you."


	56. Without Love, I Won't Survive

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE or its Superstars. This chapter also makes reference to an interview with Chris Jericho from Maxim's website. Thanks to everyone who has read, added, and reviewed. **Orton Addict, 68 stones from a broken heart, purplefeather21, KaraAlissa, Farra Sti, Enigmatic Lotus Leaf, Inday, x.Cassie, HardyxGirl, Medieval Mystic, 2 Die is 2 Live, Hatter-Zombie.ate.your.brains, and wwefanforlifexx** - you all inspire me to continue even when things seem impossible. I had most of this chapter written, but magically the technology gods decided to restore my computer to a time before the file was created. And POOF - this chapter was gone. I tried my best to get the file back but all that did was cause more frustration on my part. I had the beginning part of this chapter saved in another file because it was actually the original end to the last chapter. So, sorry for the long delay and hopefully I will have the next one out soon. Thanks for reading and enjoy. Peace and Love!!_

* * *

Tuesday October 16, 2007  
12:35 PM – London, United Kingdom

"Hey Copeland – I got someone here who wants to talk to you."

And to think that I thought things were turning around for the two of us. Obviously, I was wrong _once again_. He turned my way with a smirk on his face, not like that was at all surprising. I shook my head and backed up a few steps, even though no amount of distance would be enough.

"Randy, don't," I whispered harshly, not wanting my voice to be heard over the phone.

"Oh yeah, you know her," Randy continued, winking at me before making up the few steps that I had put between us. "You know her _real _well."

"I'm leaving," I muttered, quickly turning away from him and trying to make my way back towards my hotel. Key word being _trying_ as Randy seized my now swollen wrist in his hand and pulled me back to him.

"Seems like she is running away again," he said softly looking right into my own eyes as if he was searching for the answers that I wouldn't give him. "Some things never change."

He let go of my wrist and placed the open phone in my hand. I looked up at him knowing that my eyes reflected my feelings. I was angry that Randy was putting me in this position before I was ready to confront it myself. I had a blank birthday card in my bag that needed to be written to soften the blow before I actually attempted to talk to Adam myself. I was also depressed that it was really coming to this. And even maybe… _maybe_ there was a little bit of appreciation for Randy still caring about me (even if it is only to throw me to the wolves).

"He wants to talk to you," Randy said bluntly, as I had yet to raise the still open cell phone to my ear.

I looked up in his eyes as he regarded me carefully. It was as if he was observing what my behavior would be. I'm sure he thought that I would flip the phone shut and stomp away angered that I even had to deal with that (and also knowing that Adam would have some information as to my whereabouts). And I can't say that that wasn't my first idea. But after everything that had happened today, from Chris pleading with me to be rational and Randy being totally straightforward about the whole situation, I wasn't in the mood to hide anymore.

Screw the consequences – I knew what I had to do. I took a deep breath and raised the phone to my ear, avoiding the intense stare of the Legend Killer.

"Adam?" I said lightly into the phone. There was no reply yet I was cut off before I tried to speak again.

"_Please enter your password, then press pound."_

My expression changed from apprehension to confusion and finally shock. I heard stifling laughter and looked back toward my companion. He took the phone from my hand and shut it, slipping it back into the confines of his coat pocket (all the while trying to get his laughter under control).

"You honestly thought I was calling him?" he asked with a grin. "Do you really think I am _that_ bad… on second thought, don't answer that question."

"Huh?" I muttered, as my brain was still not processing everything well.

"The look on your face was fucking priceless," he continued, still not offering me any answer as to what he actually did.

"So, you didn't…"

"I called my voicemail, if you couldn't tell by the feminine computerized voice you heard on the other end," he said, answering the question I didn't fully get out of my mouth. "I just wanted to see what would happen."

Now,_ that_ was totally unexpected. I let out the breath that I hadn't realized I had been holding in a huge sigh of relief. Even if I had let down my guard slightly, I knew deep in my heart that I was nowhere near ready to actually speak with Adam. Besides, when I finally did, I wanted it to be face to face. He deserved something more personal than a phone call or letter. The birthday card was more of a formality, especially since he was expecting one as he knew about the one I sent Jeff.

I focused my attention once more on the grinning man in front of me, replacing my frown with the biggest smile I could muster. It wasn't much, but I figured that I would at least attempt to help lighten the mood of the conversation. After all, it seemed like he was attempting to be civil if not friendly with me. I might as well return the sentiment.

"And did you guess right?" I asked.

"Half and half," he answered with a genuine smile. "You said that you were going to leave, but you surprised me when you actually stayed and took the phone."

"Thanks for not doing what I thought you did," I said sincerely. "I appreciate it."

"I'm not totally a heartless bastard, no matter what you might've heard," he replied with a slight chuckle.

"I guess not," I said, responding in kind.

The two of us shuffled slightly off of the sidewalk to let some people pass. I leaned back against a lamp post, not really knowing what my companion wanted from me. I didn't want to just leave, but I knew that this couldn't last forever. Randy came to stand in front of me once again, bringing his arm up to lean on the post above my head. Once again, I was pretty much trapped from going anywhere, but this time, I didn't mind it so much.

"So what are you doing here? Working on your next story?" Randy asked, sounding as if he was genuinely interested.

"Um yeah, I am actually," I said, trying my best to keep my demeanor as calm and collected as possible. I knew that I was probably failing, but it was hard with the intense stare of the Legend Killer boring into my soul. "I'm writing a guide on Italian Renaissance art."

"Okay, I'm no geography expert, but even I know that England and Italy – not the same place," he said with a chuckle.

"No, really?" I answered sarcastically. "Thanks for the advice Rand, but just because the art is no longer in Italy doesn't mean that it didn't originate there. I am heading to Florence for a lengthy stay tomorrow. I just needed to finish up the last non-Italian museums."

"I didn't rush you or anything, did I?"

"No, I was on my way out when I ran into you," I replied with another small smile, thinking about our chance encounter. "_Literally_ ran into you."

If I had only left a few moments earlier, all of this could have been avoided. Maybe fate really was playing its part in all of this. I guess I couldn't only blame Chris for all of the happenings over the past few weeks.

Randy pushed back off of the lamp post and slowly walked back on the sidewalk. I followed suit and the two of us slowly scuffled down the pavement, a real destination not really in mind. An awkward silence had fallen over the two of us. I could tell that he must've had a lot of mixed feelings running in his mind. I did as well but knew that I couldn't run away from this. I needed to keep my whereabouts secret and knew that that meant getting Randy's vow of silence.

I didn't know how to bring up the subject, so I decided to just wait and see where our time together took us. Yet as it was looking, it would be awhile before either of us was genuinely comfortable around each other. It was understandable, especially in his situation. Thus, the two of us just continued to wander slowly down the street.

"Look, about before…"

Randy stopped speaking, scrunching up his facial muscles as if he was trying to think of what to say. I figured that he was addressing the tense altercation that the two of us endured. It was totally forgiven on my end.

"No need to apologize," I said, before he could continue. "I probably deserved a lot more than a few harsh words for everything I have put you guys through."

"Damn straight," he replied, his arrogant swagger returning to his demeanor. I guessed that he was content that I saw things from his perspective for once. It didn't happen often even when we were pretty close. "So… what are you doing tonight?"

I stared at him curiously, unsure as to the nature of his question. He just shrugged with a small smile on his face before gesturing to me to answer the question. I continued to look at him warily yet responded.

"Probably just writing up some of my findings from today," I answered truthfully. I gave him a slight suspicious look before asking a question of my own. "Why?"

"Come to the show with me tonight," he replied quickly and forcefully.

It wasn't a question, yet not a demand either. He just smiled while I tried to process his statement. After our discussion a few minutes prior, I thought that he didn't want anything to do with me. It seemed that I was mistaken, but Randy was definitely not thinking this through. I knew that he couldn't be totally serious – he _couldn't_ be. There was no way that I could step one foot in that locker room again, even if I didn't have a contractual obligation that forbade it.

"Are you mental?" I asked rhetorically, once I found my skill of speech in working order. "You know that the whole locker room probably wants my head on stick, right?"

"I'll protect you," he said conceitedly, even though I could see the realization of the impossibility of his suggestion in his eyes.

"Yeah, like when you slammed me up against the tree and squashed my favorite pair of sunglasses into oblivion," I said, reminding him of his own feelings toward me not more than an hour ago. If that was the reaction by someone I considered my friend, what would happen with the people I hardly knew?

"That was just me venting out my anger in the least violent way possible," he replied. "I'm over it now."

I nodded my head as we both stopped walking when we found ourselves at Hyde Park. He gestured with his head over toward a wooden park bench before walking in that direction. I took a deep breath, looking up into the skies for guidance before following my newly found friend. I guess I could still consider him a friend. I _wanted_ to still consider him a friend.

We settled down on the bench, swiveling our forms so that we could still comfortably face each other. With the hat hanging low over his eyes, the shadows that were cast made his face look even more menacing than normal. All of the chiseled features of his face were highlighted with distinct shadows. Good thing we were on better terms or I would have been more unsettled than I already was.

"So the classes worked?" I asked, returning the topic of discussion to his anger management problems.

He had gone to a few anger management seminars when he was suspended back in 2006 for disorderly conduct. After the incident in the hotel in Italy, management suggested that it might be best if he entered a slight therapeutic program to try and get his head together. From what I heard, it didn't last long.

"You mean the fucking therapy they _made_ me attend? I guess a little bit, but if anything it would probably be all the changes I have made in my life," he replied, not even slightly perturbed about the personal conversation that we were having. "I'm a married man now. We're even thinking about starting a family."

"That's all the world needs – little baby Ortons," I replied jokingly, before breaking out into a big smile. "I'm really happy for you Rand."

"Likewise," he said with a smile. "I mean about your book."

I gave him a questioning look. Was he being serious?

"You mean – the one that you said I was using for my own monetary gain?" I posed ironically, using his own words to validate my claim. "The one that I was a _lying conniving bitch _to write?"

"That'd be the one," he said with a sheepish laugh. He stopped speaking and gave me a look I knew too well when it came to him – the no apologies stare.

"So, you're not going to take back what you said?" I asked.

"You've given me no reason to," he replied evenly.

I gave a frustrated sigh and turned away from him. My mind was working on overload trying to sieve through the situation and come up with the best ending for all. There was so much bottled up in me that I just wanted to let out. Sure, I had been talking to Chris about almost everything that was plaguing my mind, but now I was given an opportunity to talk to someone who had gone through it all with me. And even more importantly – someone whose name wasn't Adam Copeland or Jeff Hardy.

"Well, for your information, fifty percent of the profits from the book along with the sum of money that I still have stashed away in a savings account from my time in the WWE is being donated to the Circle of Champions charities," I said with a smile, happy to finally be able to talk with someone other than Chris. "They can allocate the funds to the differing places as they see fit. So… I guess you can cross _gold-digger_ off the list of names you can call me."

"You serious?" he asked, after a few moments of silence. It was like he couldn't process what I had just told him.

"You honestly didn't think I could spend the money I earned knowing what I was doing to get it?" I asked with a laugh. "Sure, I went through so much pain and stress to win the Diva Search, but it didn't match what I knew I was going to cause in the end."

"You're really something – you know that, right?"

I looked into his eyes and could see the apology that was probably never going to be vocalized shinning through. It was enough for me as it meant that maybe we were close to some sort of reconciliation. It gave me hope for things to come. It also made me more open to talk with him, now that I knew that he was acting more like the Randy Orton that I had come to call a friend.

"I promise you – as your friend – that I never meant to hurt any of you," I said with a smile, knowing what I was about to do. "Do you want to hear about it? I mean, everything that I did to get to this point in my life now?"

"You know I do," he answered almost immediately after the question left my lips.

"And do you promise not to say a word to anyone about this?" I posed, knowing how important secrecy was in my situation.

"Of course," he said flippantly. It wasn't enough of a guarantee for me.

"I mean it, Randy," I said pleadingly, pressing him a little further. "I am entrusting you with a lot here."

"I know and I honestly can't believe you are after everything that has happened today," he responded, not giving me any further comfort on the issue of suppression.

Yet I knew Randy well enough to know that I could trust him… well, as long as I didn't piss him off. If I found myself on Randy's bad side, anything could happen.

"Like I said, I deserved it," I replied, not wanting him to dwell on our earlier encounter.

"No, you didn't."

"Yeah, I did."

"Okay, maybe just a little," he relented, not wanting our back and forth to go on much longer. Before he was able to speak again, his cell phone began to ring from his pocket. He took it out and immediately cursed underneath his breath before silencing the call. "Fuck, I have to head over to the arena."

"Oh," I muttered dejectedly. For some reason, I was really looking forward to reconnecting with the Legend Killer. Of course, nothing ever seemed to go my way.

"What are you doing later tonight?" Randy asked as he rose from the bench, looking down on me with a coy smile. I hoped that he still didn't expect me to go to the show with him tonight. There was no way that that was happening.

"I'm not going to…"

"Yeah I know, I know," he said, interrupting my declination once more. "Still don't see why. Cena and Copeland aren't around."

"Are you forgetting a certain Intercontinental champion that I know is on the active roster?" I asked with a grin of my own, as I could tell from the tone he was hardly being earnest about me going with him tonight.

"How could I not? He is my opponent tonight," he replied, his cocky grin returning to his shadowed features.

"You serious?" I asked with a smile, happy that it seemed Jeff was finally getting the single's push that he rightfully deserved.

"Main event of the show," he said, pride gleaming from every syllable.

"Let me guess?" I asked mockingly, trying to hold back my laughter. "You're going to win?"

"A RKO is going to do your boy in," he said in same boastful manner. Yet quickly his features changed to one of enlightenment. "Holy shit - I have a fucking brilliant idea!"

"I guess there is a first time for everything," I muttered, unable to contain myself from saying the cliché line. Randy paid me no heed, sitting back down next to me on the bench.

"Valet for me tonight," he said seriously. He had a mischievous gleam in his eye and a huge smile on his face. I laughed and shook my head, looking away from my slightly delirious friend.

"Are you high or something?" I asked, sparing a glance back at the still grinning man.

"Oh, come on," he said, taking my hands in his and pulling me up off the bench with him. "Could you imagine the look on his face if you walk out with me? It would be just as priceless as your face earlier."

I pulled my hands free from his grasp and grabbed my bag from the bench. We both fell silent as we slowly walked away from the bench, trying to find our way back out of the park. I looked over at him and chuckled. He was really something. Earlier in the day, I wanted nothing more than to wring his neck. Now, I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him.

"You do know that there is no way in hell that that is happening, right?" I posed, as we finally found our way back to the main road.

"I know," he said, as he fumbled with his cell phone is his hands. He dialed a number and put the phone to his ear before turning to me once more. "But you have to admit, it is a fucking great idea."

"It would be something unforgettable that is for sure," I mused, knowing full well that it was something made of fantasies, not reality.

We continued to stroll casually down Park Lane as Randy relayed his location to the person on the other end of the phone. He flipped his phone shut and turned to face me once more, a serious look adorning his once jovial features.

"Will you meet up with me after?" he asked softly. "You could swing by the hotel."

"I don't know, Rand," I replied cautiously.

Going to his hotel after the show? Sure, it sounded okay, but what if I ran into someone I knew? There was a good chance that that could happen as the whole roster was usually camped out at the same place on overseas tours. I didn't think that that was something I could handle or even wanted to consider.

"Aw, come on," he goaded with a slight shove on my shoulder. "You know you want to."

"Maybe," I replied coyly, flashing a small smile. "But that doesn't mean I can."

"How about if I come by your place?" he asked.

I gave him a weary look which just earned a roll of his eyes. He was about to plead his case a little more when a car pulled up alongside of where we were standing. It must've been great to be the WWE Champ – you got your own car service. No crowded roster bus for him, even though I could accurately remember that John traveled with the whole group in Italy. Maybe Randy just wanted sometime to himself today.

"Where are you staying?" he asked as he opened the back door to the car.

"Randy…"

"Where are you staying Nami?" he asked a little more forcibly adding my name for good measure, as he leaned on the open car door. I sighed and decided that it was best to relent. I just hoped that I could trust him.

"At the Hilton a few blocks away from here," I said.

"Oh, that helps," he said flippantly.

I shot him a look before digging the complimentary hotel note pad out of my bag. It included a few places of interest I was supposed to visit scrawled down on the top sheet, but I was able to rip one of the others away and hand it to the Legend Killer. Printed across the top was the complete address.

"That better?" I asked sarcastically, as I replaced the pad once again in my bag.

"Much," he replied with a grin, folding the address and putting it securely in his jeans' pocket. "I'll swing by after stopping by my place to drop off my stuff. It should be around midnight – maybe a little later."

"Okay," I murmured, sort of sad to see my companion go. "I'm in room 312."

"You're going to be up, right?" he asked jokingly.

"Yeah, I haven't been sleeping so well as of late so you don't have to worry about that," I said as I stepped a little further back away from the car.

"Everything alright?" he asked, genuinely concerned.

"Just my nighttime thoughts plaguing me," I replied shortly. "You better get going."

"Trying to get rid of me, I see," he replied with a grin.

"No, just not wanting you to be even later than you probably already are," I said before walking back over to him. I leaned up and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek, trying to soothe any misgivings he may have about our current situation. "Stay safe tonight."

"I will," he replied with a small smile, wrapping his arms around me to pull me into a small embrace. "Remember – no falling asleep on me. I don't want to be stuck in a random hotel hallway all night."

"I'll be up – I promise," I said, stepping back onto the sidewalk as Randy climbed into the car. He waved once more before the car sped off down the road.

* * *

_Sunday April 29, 2007  
2:45 PM – Atlanta, Georgia (Day of Backlash)_

"_Aw come on, you know that you want it hung up in your bedroom so you can stare lovingly at it every night."_

_I laughed into the phone and stared at the poster in question once again. Today was the WWE's April pay-per-view Backlash and the subsequent poster featured none other than my Rated R Superstar boyfriend. In a throwback parody to the iconic movie poster for 'The Shining', Adam's normally handsome features were photographed maniacally (even though he was still quite attractive even with the psychotic grin). It was definitely a great pay-per-view poster, but not something I wanted hanging beside my bed at night, no matter what his best friend may think._

"_I have enough pictures of him adorning my bedside thank you very much," I replied happily. "Not like I am home to see them all that often."_

"_Just move in with Adam already," Jay responded chuckling. "You spend so much time in Florida with him to begin with."_

_After the European trip ended, the roster was given a much needed break from action (especially considering that we had a pay-per-view event only four days later). Adam and I spent the four days lounging around his Florida home, complete with the occasional Jay Reso visit. It was something that I could get used to, but knew I would have to learn to forget (or at least live without)._

"_You know the only thing stopping me is the fact that I would have to see your ugly mug every week," I replied mockingly._

"_Keep telling yourself that," he joked right back._

_I turned away from the poster and continued to walk down the hallway and back toward the locker rooms. Adam and the other members of the main event Fatal Fourway match were in a meeting going over last minute details. Melina and I were already squared away with our match and just had the ten minute pre-match rundown near the gorilla position before everything was set. That meant that for the rest of the afternoon, I had time to get my head together. My first pay-per-view match was going to be my last in the company. I couldn't believe that it was all coming to an end._

"_So any word on your title match at Sacrifice?" I asked, knowing that his Heavyweight title would have to be on the line seeing as it was not defended at Lockdown last week._

"_I probably will be dropping it," he muttered. "They've been meaning to give Kurt a run with it since he joined in the Fall."_

"_That sucks," I said. "But on the flipside, you have had a nice reign. And I see you are the star of your very own pay-per-view poster. Not as psycho as Adam's, but still..."_

"_Yeah, even though the tag is a little lame," he said with a sigh. "'Give Nothing, but Take All'… now which member of the creative team has seen 300 more than a few times?"_

_I laughed and silently agreed with Jay's assessment. The slogan was quite similar to the easily quoted 'Give them nothing, but take from them everything' line from 300._

"_It's too bad that they didn't run with the whole Spartan theme," I said jokingly. "You should have been dressed up in the little leather…"_

"_Trust me, I've already heard it from Denise," he interrupted laughing._

"_Great minds think alike," I murmured, turning the corner to lean against the wall next to my destination. "Just think if it was you, A.J. and Tomko on the poster – the Christian Coalition in red capes, carrying spears and…"_

"_What would Adam say if I told him that you were thinking about me in barely there Spartan wear?" he asked sarcastically. _

"_Aw, you can rhyme," I replied smiling. "Besides, I doubt he would care. I mean, look at what you guys do for a living."_

"_You mean what 'we' do for a living," he corrected. "You are part of it as well."_

"_Oh… right," I muttered solemnly, knowing that his statement was far from the truth._

"_Something bugging you?" he asked in a very concerned tone, most likely stemming from my lackluster reply._

"_It's nothing," I quickly responded, not wanting him to dwell on what wasn't said._

"_Nami – I know when something is bothering you," he stated in a brotherly tone. "Now, open up or am I going to have to sic Adam on you?"_

"_Anything but that," I joked._

"_You worried about your match?" he asked, giving me the cover that I needed._

"_Sure," I said, without thinking of how shady my answer sounded._

"_Just relax and…"_

_I zoned out of Jay's rambling about nerves and a bunch of other tidbits that were supposed to calm me for a match that wasn't even on my mind. I heard a distant conversation begin to get closer. I turned my attention to the hallway's newcomers. I smiled and waved at the group, getting polite greetings from the __bunch. At the back of the group was my purplish-red haired best friend who instead of going in the closest locker room came up along my side._

"_Whose on the phone?" he whispered softly, pressing a light kiss on my cheek._

"_Jay," I mouthed with a smile._

_He just patted me on the shoulder before turning around, opening the door, and entering the locker room. I sighed inwardly and leaned my head up against the concrete wall once more._

"_- and you should be perfectly fine."_

_Yeah, that was the extent of my knowledge when it came to what Jay had told me._

"_Did you listen to anything I had to say?" he asked mockingly._

"_Of course, I was just taking it all in," I lied with a smile on my face._

"_Sure," he answered, obviously not buying my response. "I won't even bother asking you to repeat anything I said because I already know what the reply will be."_

"_I'm sorry Jay," I responded earnestly. "I just have a lot of stuff that is floating around my mind right now… and no, nothing that you can help me with."_

"_Can't blame a guy for trying," he said lightheartedly. "Well, maybe I should let you go and get…"_

"_No!"_

_I couldn't stop my vocal chords from speaking. I didn't even know I had said something until I heard the echo through my cell phone. Even though it was spontaneous, I knew it served a purpose. This was probably going to be the last time that I spoke to Jay for quite some time. Tomorrow I was going to leave the company and try to figure out what to do about my book. I knew that I was being offered a new WWE contract – one that I couldn't accept. I was still trying to plan how I was going to tell everyone about my departure, knowing that I wouldn't be able to get it out face-to-face._

"_You're starting to scare me, Nam," he replied seriously, knowing that this wasn't my normal behavior. "What's going on?"_

"_I just wanted… to say thanks," I said with a small smile, knowing that I wasn't talking about his recent advice that I didn't even hear._

"_Thanks for rambling while you weren't even paying attention?" he asked laughing, lightening the somber mood that I had brought back to what started as a cheery conversation._

"_That… and for always being there when I needed you," I said sincerely._

"_Needed?" he said curiously. "Am I going somewhere that I am not aware of?"_

"_No, I just…" But I knew that there was nothing I could say to get out of my little slip of the tongue. "Just forget it."_

"_You sound really tired. Maybe you should go take a little nap before tonight's show?"_

_I knew that I couldn't really say anymore to Jay about my situation so decided to take his advice. Not about getting some rest, but to end the conversation. It was becoming a little too much for me to handle right now – the prospect of what was to come was staring me in the face and I wasn't ready for it._

"_Yeah, that might be for the best," I replied._

"_I'll call you some time tomorrow. You'll probably be a little busy after the show tonight," he said in a playful tone. "Just try to relax and you'll have a great match. I'll talk to you tomorrow."_

"_Alright, I love you Jay," I said with a small smile as I flipped my phone shut, wanting to end on the best note I could._

_I took a few moments to myself, trying to get all of my emotions in check before knocking lightly on the nearest locker room door. A few moments later it opened to reveal a smiling John Hennigan. He held the door open for me to enter and I shortly bowed my head in thanks. I surveyed the room and noticed that many of its occupants were present. This was the first pay-per-view that wasn't one of the major four to be tri-branded, as the company had decided to give up on the alternating pay-per-views for brands. Thus, there were quite a few faces that I wasn't too familiar with seeing as I had spent my whole time on the Raw roster._

"_Hey Meemz, over here."_

_I turned to my side and saw Jeff waving me over with a smile on his face. I grinned right back and took a seat next to him on the bench._

"_How's Jay?" he asked._

"_Good; I had just seen him on Friday," I replied. "He was just calling to wish me luck tonight."_

"_You don't need it," he said, throwing his arm around my shoulder, pulling me right up against his side."You and Mel have had great matches all through Europe. Now, you just need to do it with all the lights shining on you."_

"_Oh, thanks for pointing that out Jeff," I murmured jokingly. "I love you too."_

"_I didn't mean it like that and you…"_

"'_Ey bro – we need to head over to catering and meet with Vince," Matt said as he came nosily into the locker room. He noticed that the two of us were in the middle of a conversation and flashed a bashful grin. I just smiled and both of us rose from our seats on the bench._

"_I'll walk with you guys," I said, giving a quick wave to the rest of the occupants of the room before leading the way out into the hallway._

"_What's he want to see us for?" Jeff asked as we walked side by side by side down the hallway toward the larger area. "Our tag meeting isn't till later."_

"_I don't really know, but I was told that he was looking for us," Matt replied with a shrug. "Maybe he has a new storyline idea or something."_

"_As long as they don't break up the three of us, I'm all for it," Jeff said with a huge grin. He looked over my way and took my hand lightly in his. "You better not be turning heel on us."_

"_Don't even think it," Matt said before I could reply. "You put an idea like that in Vince's head and he might make it happen. Besides, he's a little preoccupied with his own storyline to be making huge changes like that. Still can't believe he is going to become the ECW Champion tonight. Vince McMahon certainly doesn't scream extreme."_

_The three of us continued our small talk about the current storylines and where we thought they were heading. We made it to the catering room still in slight fits of laughter that didn't go unnoticed by its numerous occupants. Vince quickly beckoned the brothers over to the table he was stationed at. I gave Matt a quick hug and Jeff a chaste kiss on the cheek and they were off. I surveyed the room looking to see if I could spot a certain blond Canadian, but he was nowhere in sight. But I could've sworn that I saw him when I…_

"_Looking for me?"_

_I jumped slightly in shock as I felt two arms encircle me gently from behind. I looked up and smiled at the stunning green eyes that beamed down at me. I leaned up while he leaned down, our lips meeting somewhere in the middle. It was quite an uncomfortable position, but Adam made sure that those feelings weren't running through my mind. Barely breaking the kiss, he spun me around so our embrace was a little less awkward. I smiled into our kiss and wound my hands lightly in his hair._

"_What did I say about not giving him the idea?"_

_I broke the kiss in laughter to turn and look at Matt with a smile. Vince was talking with a few of the head writers for the Raw brand and not paying attention to anything going on around him. I understood what Matt was trying to say, jokingly inferring that Adam and I could sway him into turning my character heel. Vince was well aware of my relationship and showed no intention of it affecting the on-air product, especially since it really wasn't confirmed public knowledge._

"_What's he talking about?" Adam murmured quietly in my ear._

"_It's nothing," I said, turning my attention back to my boyfriend. He shot me a look like he wasn't going to let it go at that. "Vince called them for a meeting and they were trying to figure out the reason. Jeff __and Matt didn't want our stable to spilt so he said not to put the idea in his head. That's what he meant with the joke."_

"_Oh, you really think Vince would…"_

"_Don't even ask," I said teasingly as the two us walked out of the catering area hand in hand. "I'm happy with where I am and don't want to change."_

"_I wasn't going to say anything of the sort," he replied with a nonchalant look._

"_Sure you weren't," I said, obviously not convinced. "Oh by the way, Jay says hi and good luck tonight."_

"_You talked with him?" he asked, while we made our way down the hallway of locker rooms._

"_Yeah, he just called to see how I was holding up seeing as it is my first pay-per-view match and all," I replied, smiling as I recalled the many humorous topics that our conversation included._

"_I sense there is something you aren't telling me," he said as he noticed my faraway expression._

"_A story for another time," I said lazily. He shot me a look but I waved him off. Our silliness wasn't any of his concern._

"_You want to come hang out with the guys for awhile?" he asked as we stopped in front of what I presumed to be his locker room for the night. _

_I had gone back to my designated rooming assignment with the other Divas. With my match being the only women's match on the card tonight, I knew that I needed to honor that parameter. But that didn't mean I couldn't spend some time elsewhere._

"_Sure, why not?" I said with a smile. _

_He leaned down to kiss me before opening the door slightly. He gave the room a once over before opening the door wide and beckoning me inside with a shake of the head. I walked into the room and spotted the usual suspects plus one. Randy, John, and Dave were talking as I stepped further into the room. Their attentions shifted to the two of us as soon as the door swung shut._

"_Hey guys," I said with a wave. Adam took my other hand in his and led me over to an unoccupied couch. We both sat down, my head connecting with his shoulder as soon as we touched fabric. The three went back to their conversation._

"_So, I was thinking that since our anniversary and your birthday are so close together, we should have a time to remember," Adam whispered in my ear, placing light kisses on the side of my neck. "I know that we'll have to work the weekend shows and the Raw broadcast on the seventh, but then we are free. I could talk to Vince and see if we can get the weekend off. It should…"_

_I continued to half-heartedly listen to Adam make fanciful plans for the week of my birthday. He was talking about going up to Toronto and showing me around, which also led to him wanting me to finally __meet the rest of the Copeland clan. I just nodded my head and tried to plaster on a smile. He was making things sound so wonderful, but I knew that they would never come to be. After tomorrow, I doubted that Adam and I would ever be celebrating anything ever again._

" – _do you think?"_

"_Huh?" I asked softly, turning to look into his eyes. His expression turned to one of slight confusion._

"_Were you listening to anything I said?" he asked, reminding me of the same thing Jay asked me earlier. I really needed to stop dwelling in my thoughts about later and concentrate on the now. I needed to be able to step away from all of this when the time came. These attitudes were certainly not making it any easier on me._

"_Of course," I murmured, leaning further against him so my head rested underneath the crook of his chin. "Everything sounds wonderful – practically perfect."_

"_As long as we're together, it will be perfect," he said resolutely._

"_Are they always like this?" Dave asked jokingly as I turned my attention to the other three men in the room to see the attention was on the two of us._

"_Uh-huh," Randy grumbled with a slight groan._

_I just smiled slightly at the disgruntled Legend Killer. This was the first time we had seen each other since his hotel trashing incident in Italy. We left before him in the morning and had off ever since we got back to the states. It was weird not seeing him for a whole week and a half with the last memory of him being an enraged man who was about to throw my boyfriend into the wall. I opened my mouth to respond yet there was a loud knock on the door._

"_Copeland, Cena, Bautista – you're needed in catering."_

_Adam just shook his head, placed a quick kiss on my cheek, and rose from his seat. John grabbed his hat off the top of his bag before rising as well followed lastly by Dave._

"_You know what it's about?" I asked as Adam turned around to look down at me. They already had their match meeting, and that wouldn't include Dave to begin with._

"_No clue, but you know pay-per-view days: always hectic," he replied, grasping my hand in his and giving it a slight squeeze. "I won't be long. You two behave."_

"_Yeah Orton, that goes double for you," John said, walking over and opening the door._

_Dave winked courteously at me before leaving the room. Adam gave my hand one more squeeze before following. John gave me a playful salute and left, the door closing quickly behind him. I looked over at Randy and saw that his eyes were already staring directly at my seated form. I gave him a small, nervous smile before looking away in awkwardness._

"_How was the rest of the trip?"_

_The question cut through the silence and startled me. I turned to him with a quizzical look but softened when I saw that he was actually being sincere._

"_It was nice – quite tiring though," I replied. "But Adam and I got a few days off to relax afterward."_

"_And I'm sure you two got a lot of 'relaxing' done," he muttered sarcastically before rising and coming over to take Adam's vacated spot next to me._

"_We did," I said giving him a slight elbow to the stomach. "And how was your time off?"_

"_It was 'relaxing'," he said with air quotes. "Management wants me to go back into some sort of anger management therapy. Fuck that."_

"_Randy, maybe it would be for the best," I replied gently, knowing that it was a touchy subject. "I'm not saying that you need it – necessarily – but maybe it would show Vince and everyone that you are trying. And before you even start to say that it is none of my business, I'm just giving a little harmless advice."_

_He nodded his head and leaned back on the couch. I watched him, noticing that he seemed more frustrated than I had seen him in a long time. Even in Italy, it was more anger than this outright aggravation. He noticed that my attention was directly on him and sat up once more with an intense look on his face._

"_Look… about what happened in Italy, I just want to say that…" he started before trailing off into nothingness. He chuckled and his expression softened even more. "I just want to apologize for anything I said to upset you. Between the time in the elevator and then in my hotel room – it wasn't right to take things out on you. Adam and John are one thing, you're different."_

"_I accept your apology, even though I don't think I needed one," I said with a smile._

"_How about this?" he said with a huge grin on his face. "The next time you fuck up – I'll forgive you, no questions asked."_

"_You sure about that?" I asked a little more seriously than I would have liked. _

_Tomorrow, I was going to do something I thought would be unforgivable in anyone's eyes. And Randy… well, he might be the hardest one to get to listen to my explanation when the time came._

"_I promise, no exceptions."_

* * *

Tuesday October 16, 2007  
11:55 PM – Hilton at Hyde Park: London, United Kingdom

After a long day of relaxing and trying to get my head together, I watched the clock as it ticked by, getting closer and closer to Randy's arrival. The whole afternoon I couldn't keep it off of my mind. I tried to do some writing and failed miserably. I tried to sleep – that wasn't happening either. Finally, I gave up and thought about filling out Adam's birthday card. All I had so far was his name written across the top. It was much harder to put my feelings into words than I thought it would be. I needed to mail it out in the next few days if it stood a chance of making it to Florida on time.

"_Run to the hills,  
Run for your lives!"_

I rolled over on the bed and picked my cell phone up off of the end table. I was debating calling Chris back all day, but I guess he beat me to it. I didn't know what his full schedule was like and with the time difference, I figured I would just call when I got settled in Italy. So much for that. I flipped the phone open, silencing the loud strains of Iron Maiden that were still echoing throughout the room, and put the phone to my ear.

"Hey," I said into my phone, returning to my previous lying position. Before I could say anything else, he quickly responded.

"I didn't mean for you to hang up earlier."

I laughed slightly into the phone. My previous conversation with Chris seemed like it took place so long ago when it really was only twelve hours. Yet I guess after all that had transpired after we spoke, it was a logical occurrence.

"I know and I am sorry," I said sincerely, knowing that I hadn't been the easiest person to talk to as of late.

"That's funny," he muttered. "Here I was thinking I should apologize to _you_ for pushing you so hard."

"No need," I said, recalling my previous encounter with Randy. Those few moments were certainly changing my outlook on my situation as well as putting me in a much better disposition. "I really appreciate all you have done for me."

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with the real Nami Shepherd?" Chris asked sarcastically, obviously noting my total one hundred and eighty degree turn in attitude.

"I mean it," I pressed on, a huge smile on my face. "I have had some time to think things through and I know I haven't been the easiest person to counsel these past few months."

"Tell me about it," he muttered softly with a slight scoff. "But honestly, what's happened? I know you and this is not normal Nami behavior."

"I just… I think I am _finally_ starting to clear my mind and put things in perspective," I said honestly, leaving all mention of a certain Legend Killer out of the context. "But enough about me – how was the interview?"

"I'll let you get away with it this time because you sound like you are in a much better mood," he mused, talking about my quick change in topic. "It went well. I just have a few more press obligations to do this week and then I start the book tour."

"What was the interview for again?" I asked.

"It was for Maxim's website," he replied. "We mainly talked about the book and wrestling. My favorite is when he asked if my retirement was _temporary _or if I was about to make a comeback. How unique, huh?"

"And what did you say?" I asked, knowing that it was a question that he was getting quite a lot as of late.

"Uh, I made up some analogy between pizza and wrestling," he recalled with a small chuckle.

"Do I even want to know?" I posed, trying to figure out what pizza and wrestling have in common.

"I just said that wrestling for fifteen years straight would be like eating your favorite food – a la pizza – everyday," he said. "You're craving for pizza is gone, but sooner or later, you will get hungry for it again."

"So you pretty much said that you are coming back?"

"Pretty much, but I think it was becoming pretty obvious with all of the build up with this Save Us campaign," he said with a sigh. "Not like I mind it all that much, but I might have to work on the incognito response to that question before the tour."

"Yeah, definitely," I replied with a laugh.

Before I could ask him more about his day, there was a loud knock at the door. I jumped up into a sitting position on the bed, before glancing at the clock. 12:08 AM – pretty much right on time. I got up off of the bed and stared at my reflection in the mirror. That was when I remembered that I was still talking with Chris. I looked at the phone and freaked. I needed to come up with an excuse and now.

"Well, I have to get going. My flight is in an hour and I still need to check-in."

So much for needing an excuse. Another knock sounded at the door and I quickly hustled over that way.

"Okay, I'll call you when I arrive in Italy tomorrow," I said, peering out of the peep hole to see a slightly perturbed Randy on the other side. So much for me not keeping him waiting on the other side.

"Sure thing, pretty lady," he replied happily. "Get some sleep."

"You too," I replied, just as another angry knock sounded from beyond the door. "I'll talk…"

"Someone at the door?" he asked, obviously hearing the loud knock on the other end.

"Must be room service. Have a great flight and I'll talk to you later," I said all in one quick breath before flipping my phone shut and swinging the door open.

"About damn time," Randy grumbled as he pushed past me and headed into my room, rolling his bag behind him.

"Sorry about that," I muttered shutting the door and following him further into the room. He picked his bag up and put in on top of the desk. He unzipped the main compartment and pulled out a few articles of clothing. "Okay, um… so what are you doing?"

"Getting changed," he said, pulling the baseball cap from his head and chucking it into the corner of the room. He ran his hands over his barley there hair and gave me a tired look. "It would have been too much to come by here and go back to my place. So I'm crashing here tonight."

"And when exactly did we talk about this part of the plan?" I asked as he headed toward the bathroom door.

"Right now," he replied, opening the door and shutting it before I could reply.

I stared at the door for a few moments, trying to figure out what to do. I brought my hand up to knock on the door, but knew that it wouldn't do any good when I heard the shower start to run. I groaned in frustration before walking back over to the bed and flopping down on it. Randy was staying the night. I would be sharing a bed with him once again – something that we both vowed would never happen. At least this time, John wouldn't come barging in and catch us together. And I didn't have a jealous boyfriend to worry about. Yet still, it didn't feel right and it wasn't just because of the ring on his finger.

A few minutes later the water stopped running and the butterflies began to resurface in my stomach. This was a lot different than hanging out and barley speaking in the park. We would at least have to cohabitate for eight or so hours. Maybe he was too tired to talk about much and I could get off easy.

"Hey babe, why don't you make some coffee?"

It seemed like nothing was working out like I thought it would in my mind. I got up from the bed and walked over to the desk. Pushing Randy's bag almost off of the wood, I plugged in the coffee pot and tried to read the directions next to the machine. I looked back toward the door, knowing that I needed to get some water, but not wanting to disrupt him. I walked over to the door and knocked lightly. He pulled the door open and I quickly turned away from him.

"There is a reason that there are towels in there, you know," I muttered as I heard him chuckle from behind me.

"What'd you need?" he asked laughter still in his tone.

"Water for_ your_ coffee."

"Oh, right," he muttered as I heard the clinking of the coffee mugs that were stored in the bathroom. He pushed passed me with thankfully a white towel now secured around his waist, and laid the two mugs and a bottle of water next to the coffee maker. "That better?"

"Much," I replied dryly, as I began my task of making the coffee.

He chuckled once more before reentering the bathroom to get changed. Just for my discomfort, he kept the door wide open. I consciously tried to keep my attention on ripping open the package to pour the coffee grinds into the filter. It was quite difficult with the mirror that was hanging over the desk, giving me an undisclosed view of the bathroom's occupant. He knew it as well and made it even more awkward, opening the door even wider than it already was before undoing the loose knot of his towel and letting it drop.

That was when I felt like I was back in a college dorm once again, awkward feelings about living on your own with the opposite sex right next door. I pushed the filter back in the machine, poured in the water, and quickly scampered back over to my bed. No longer was Randy in eyesight… well, as long as I didn't look into the mirror that would still reflect quite an eyeful. I laid back on the bed and closed my eyes, willing my body to relax. Randy was here for a reason… and it was not to just annoy me and get on my last nerve (which he was doing a good job of so far). He was going to become my link between my place now and the world I once was a part of.

"Move over."

I opened my eyes and saw a shirtless, slightly damp Randy towering over my lying form. I groaned but complied, shimmying my way onto the other side of the bed. He grinned before lying down and adjusting the pillows to his liking behind his head. The two of us just stayed silent next to each other. I was just running through how I had found myself in this situation. No clue what he was doing, but he was the first one to make a move.

"Do me a favor?" he asked, sitting up and reaching over for a bottle that he must've laid on the end table.

"What?" I asked as he handed me the bottle and gestured to his back.

"I just got my tattoos touched up a few weeks ago," he relayed. "Figured since I had the belt and all that I would move up my time under the needle a few months."

"Okay?" I asked, not knowing exactly what he wanted me to do.

"I need to put this shit on so it heals correctly and the peeling isn't that noticeable," he said, putting the bottle of cream in my hand. "Think you could get my back?"

"It's practically all on your neck," I scoffed, tossing the bottle back to him. "Do it yourself."

"Aw, come on Nam," he said, trying his best to give me a coy look (but failing miserably). "I'd do it for you."

"I'm sure you would," I muttered before relenting and taking the bottle from him.

He slightly smirked before turning around once more. I sighed and sat up as well, uncapping the bottle and squirting a generous amount on my fingers. I cautiously let my fingers run along the plane of his left shoulder, lightly massaging the cream into the inked skin. I let my fingers skim gently over the black abstract lines of his tattoo, trying to think of anything but how awkward this was for me. I hadn't seen this man in person for months and a few hours after we reconnected, we were acting closer than we ever had. Just another quirk in our love/hate relationship.

"So… how was your match?" I asked, trying to get my mind off of the awkward predicament that I was in.

"Good," he murmured softly. "I told Hardy you said '_hi_'."

"You better be kidding," I said, pressing a little harder on the back of his neck than he was expecting in retaliation for his comment.

"What do you think?" he asked pointedly.

"I would think that you wouldn't show up here if you were that stupid," I muttered, squirting some more cream on my hands before returning them to his neck.

"That and don't you think Hardy would be right on my tail if I did?" he asked with a laugh.

"Yeah, I guess… even though I am not so sure," I said pensively, rubbing light circles all over his upper back.

"He's still fucking crazy about you if that is what you are worried about," he muttered, rolling his shoulders slightly as he was seemingly enjoying this a little more than he should've.

"I'm not worried about anything," I retorted, slapping his back pretty hard for the comment. "It's just that I am sure things have changed from May to now."

"Heh, probably," he said, shrugging his shoulders slightly under my touch. "Not like the two of us are the closest of friends."

"You don't say," I remarked sarcastically, as I finished wiping off the excess cream a little lower on his back. "All done."

"Want me to return the favor now?" he asked cheekily before turning around and taking the bottle from me. I gave him a wary look as he opened the top and squirted a heaping amount of cream in his palm. He shot me a grin before rubbing the substance over his inked arms.

"How long does it take to touch all of them up?" I asked.

"A little less than six hours I think," he said, adding more cream to his other arm. "Pain in the ass, but if I don't touch them up, the lines look like shit."

"Seems like a lot of work," I mused, running my fingertips over the intricate design on his bicep.

"It is and I always wonder if I could redo it over again, if I would keep them…"

He stopped speaking when my face lit up with laughter. He shot me a quizzical look.

"What's so funny?"

"Um… you can't 'redo' something again," I said with a smile. "'_Redo_' already implies the act of doing an action again so…"

I stopped speaking when I noticed the change in expression on his face and the fact that I was droning on about pretty much nothing.

"I don't know why I am even bothering."

"Is this what happens when you become published?" he asked, closing the bottle and chucking it back on top of his luggage, missing the coffee pot by only a few inches. "You turn into a grammar Nazi?"

"Funny," I muttered flatly, making myself comfortable once more, my back leaning against the wooden headboard.

"Hey, you're the one who's criticizing my speaking skills."

"Or lack thereof," I said under my breath, but loud enough so I know it reached my companion's ears.

"Damn, if this doesn't feel like old times," he mused, rising up from the mattress.

"Aw, is the big, bad Legend Killer getting all sentimental on me?" I asked teasingly.

He reached out and grabbed the pillow from his side of the bed, using it to swing at my prone form. I was too slow to catch it the first time yet was able to still the second one. I grabbed the pillow as he turned with a smile and headed toward the desk.

"You want a cup?" he asked, pulling out the decanter of freshly brewed coffee.

"Sure – it seems like we might be up for awhile yet," I said, earning a mischievous grin from Randy. "I didn't mean it like that and you know it."

He just chuckled and poured coffee in the two mugs. He picked up the small set of necessary condiments and headed back over to the bed. I watched as he tried his best to balance everything and not spill a single drop of the heavily-filled mugs. He tried his best, but the carpet and sheets were slightly stained with small droplets of the bitter liquid. Eh, it is better than the last time I was in a hotel room with Randy but of course that was a disaster area that cost him a pretty penny.

He handed me the mug before lying down next to me. He set the small tray in between our lying forms. I picked up a creamer and small spoon, swirling the two liquids together. For the next few moments, the only sounds in the room were china hitting metal and Randy's loud slurping. I stared forward and watched our reflections in the black void of the unused television, wondering who was going to make the first move to speak.

"So… where do we begin?" he asked soberly, setting his now empty mug on the end table next to him along with the tray. I honestly didn't know what to say to him because everything had become odd between us and for no real reason.

"This just seems so…" I started before trying to find the words to express what I was feeling. "This just seems weird and… and awkward."

"Well, why don't we work up to what happened with you," he said, trying to get some simplicity and normalcy back into our conversation. "Let's just talk."

"Okay… what about?" I asked stumbling for anything besides wrestling and my current newsworthy book to talk about. I refocused my attention to the coffee in my hands. I continued to swirl the spoon around as I really wasn't in the mood for the caffeine.

"I don't know," he said a few moments later. "I'm the one who came up with the idea. You choose the topic."

"Uh…" I couldn't think of anything. It wasn't like Randy and I had that much in common or were the closest talking buddies that ever lived. I actually couldn't recall many deep conversations I had had with him. Yet the few that we did share were quite memorable. Right now, I was growing frustrated that we couldn't recapture any of that. "Everything seemed so much easier in the park today."

"Yeah, I know, right? What's changed?"

"Well, maybe the fact that we weren't both half naked and you didn't have me give you a pseudo rubdown," I joked, shoving him slightly with my elbow before putting my still full mug on my endtable.

"Hey, the champ only deserves the best," he replied with faux arrogance. So, once again the conversation flipped back to the one thing that we seemingly had to bond us together: wrestling. I figured that I might as well run with it – if only to get this encounter on a better spin.

"Yeah, things seem a lot different professionally for you from the last time we talked," I remarked, knowing that his championship hopes looked futile back in May.

"Yeah, but it's really just because of bad timing for others and a perfect opportunity for me," he commented.

"How so?" I asked, turning to look at him for the first time in our conversation. "You deserve the belt."

"Well, that makes two of us that believe that," he said with a laugh.

"Come on, you must have more people in your corner."

"Look, the way I see it – the only reason I have the belt is because they had no one else to give it to," he remarked, causing me to shake my head in disagreement. Yet he went on. "When Cena went down, plans and storylines got scrambled. Paul was just coming back and really the only viable contender at the moment was me. Thus – ta da: I'm the WWE Champion. Not because they have any faith in me, but because I was the only option."

"Aw, it can't be that…" Yet before I could finish my statement, he flashed me a 'let's just drop it' look. I was more than happy to concede because I didn't want to get him riled up or upset. "Okay, moving along – how _is_ John doing?"

He shifted so he was lying on his side and thus I did the same. Face to face, lying so close together, everything became so much more personal and affectionate.

"He's still pretty bummed that his yearlong title reign had to end that way," he said with a shrug of his shoulders. "Pretty fucked up that both he and Adam went down with the same injury pretty much around the same time and as champs."

"Yeah," I muttered, gnawing on my lower lip at the mention of my ex-boyfriend. "You talk to Adam recently?"

"Eh, not really," he remarked with another shrug. "I think he is finishing up a West Coast road trip that he planned to clear his head, but that is really all I know. Besides, ever since he switched brands, we haven't been in as close of communication."

I studied him briefly taking in everything he had just said. I knew about Adam's trip from Chris of course (and my eavesdropping incident at the café). He had been posting frequent blog posts and a few pictures from his trip online. I was happy to see him in a better place than he must've been after everything that transpired in the past few months. Then there was the fact that Randy and him barely spoke.

"Why not?" I asked shortly.

"You must remember what it was like when you were in the company," he said with a laugh, kicking my foot lightly with his own. "How many times did you actually have time to catch up with people on the other brand?"

"Matt was…"

"- practically on both rosters for most of your stay," Randy said, cutting off my objection to his claim. "The answer was 'no' by the way."

"Maybe you have a point, but I thought you guys were pretty close," I said with a small smile.

"Not as close as you might have thought, but yeah – he's still a close friend," he replied. "It's just hard to find time for everything, you know? I've barley even been home since my wedding. After the honeymoon was over, it was all business once more. Not like it is all bad now that the championship is around my waist, but still…"

He trailed off, but he didn't need to continue. I knew where he felt on the subject of being on top in the company. I honestly didn't think that he would be able to gain management's respect and trust back as quick as he did, but I am happy that I was proved wrong. I continued to ponder over a few more wrestling-themed topics. My thoughts were interrupted when Randy reached out and brushed the hair that had lightly fallen in front of my eyes.

"So – now that we have shared some form of pleasantries, why don't we get to talking about the real reason I am here," he said softly.

"Where to begin," I muttered with a demure chuckle.

His expression didn't change and his hand didn't leave the side of my face. He lightly ran his thumb down my exposed cheek in what I assumed was supposed to be a comforting gesture. All it did was remind me of what I was about to do and who I was entrusting my secrets with. At this moment in time, I flashed back to the one time that I actually took advice from my current companion. He told me that there was a time when I would have to make a choice between Jeff and Adam and that I would know when that time came. It was advice that I could also apply to my situation now – I had to make a choice.

I pulled back from Randy's touch and rolled out of the bed. I went over to my bag and pulled out a large manila envelope. I looked at the unopened package in my hand with a smile before turning back to the Legend Killer.

"Before I left New York for this European adventure that I have been on, my publisher gave me the prototype for my book," I said, fumbling nervously with the envelope in my hand.

"You haven't opened it yet?" he asked, sitting up and regarding me with a curious expression.

"I've seen no real reason to," I responded with a shrug, heading back over to the bed. "I carry it with me to remind me of how I got to this point in my life. _This_ is the reason for some of the best and worst moments in my life. It just helps me keep everything in perspective."

"So we gonna open that bad boy up now?"

I laughed and nodded, sitting down next to him. I leaned my back against the headboard with my head lightly on his shoulder before passing off the package to him. He took it in his hands and effortlessly ripped the top open and dumped the contents on the mattress in between us. Out fell a piece of paper along with a black leather journal that looked almost identical to the original. It was even worn in some spots to show some age.

"I remember this," he replied cheerfully picking up the leather book. "This is how they are binding your book?"

"Yeah," I mused with a content sigh, knowing how much work went into its creation. "It's going to be packaged though – wrapped in plastic foil that includes the basic information printed on it."

"So what's the title?" he asked, as he flicked the easily accessible lock open.

"_Confessions of a WWE Diva."_

"Cute," he said in a slight sarcastic tone while perusing the contents of the cover's inner pocket.

He pulled out the stack of photograph reproductions that were stuck inside. Instead of attaching all of the photos with the specific days, they took a dozen or so and saved them for the inside cover. On the back was a quotation from the corresponding entry. It was like a prelude of what was to come. I watched as Randy picked up the first picture and smiled a small grin. It was taken the night of the Diva Costume Contest during the Diva Search and included the six of us girls in Superstar attire.

"'_Monday October 30__th__ – In essence, this encapsulates what my stay in the WWE has been so far: walking around pretending to be something I am not'," _Randy read off of the flipside of the photo. "That was the night you and Copeland started dating, right?"

"Not yet," I muttered with a smile as he turned to the next picture. "It was a week later."

"Same difference," he murmured, looking at the next picture with a little more interest than the last. That was probably because it included him. It was taken right after Survivor Series and included myself, Adam, John, and Randy. There were quite a few photographs in this book of this exact foursome.

"'_Sunday November 26__th__ – I'm beginning to actually believe that I could live my life this way – constantly on the road, living out of a suitcase, all the while getting to see the world,"_ Randy read, chuckling as he reached the end. "How long did you actually believe that?"

"The feeling was fleeting, but came often," I responded. "Normally, by the time the Advil wore off every night, I knew my life was not meant for the squared circle."

He just shuffled through the rest of the pile quickly; probably figuring that everything he could see there was more in depth inside the actual text. Yet as soon as he shoved all of the photos back into the pocket, I took the journal from his hands.

"Hey, I'm still looking at that," he said, trying to grab it back from my hands.

"I know, but…"

I stopped trying to think of how to tell him that I couldn't exactly let him read it. I was letting him look at it sure, but I couldn't take the chance of him actually knowing all the contents and spilling at least the littlest bit. And this decision wasn't based on the fact that it was Randy; I would have done the same thing even if it was Jeff (well… maybe not, but what Randy doesn't know won't hurt him).

"You can't read it, Randy," I said quietly, flicking the open lock with my finger nervously.

"Why the hell not?" he asked bitterly.

"You do realize that I am in violation of my contract already," I said in a frustrated tone. "I know that the contract's obligations are bullshit, but they are my legal guidelines. I'm in essence breaking the law by even being with you so…"

"So what's the big deal if I read it?" he asked, interrupting my speech. "Unless… just tell me now, Nam. Are you hiding something in there that you _don't_ want me – or anybody in the company – to know about?"

"No one is supposed to know about the contents until it is released," I stated firmly. "It is that simple."

"Hey, I have a starring role in this manifesto of sorts," he declared resolutely, finally pulling the book back from my grasp. "I deserve a little more than just a look through the opening pictures."

"How about we make a deal?" I asked, reaching over to shut the journal in his hands. "I'll let you read the acknowledgements at the beginning, the prologue, and the conclusion, but the actual journal stays unread."

"You let me read all of those things as well as a day's entry of my choosing," he added quickly. I gave him an amused look.

"You actually have a day in mind that you want to read?" I asked, slightly amused that he seemed so interested.

"I'll think of one," he said, grinning as he knew that I would concede to his request. "We have a deal?"

"Alright," I muttered, pulling my arm back to pick up the paper that was lying forgotten between us.

I saw him flip past the title page (another addition to make the journal look more 'print-worthy') and adjust his viewing to the paper in my hands. We both read it silently at the same time. It was from Mr. Williams just summing up the details about the release and all of the terms that we had set in place before I had left the states. Nothing of utmost importance to Randy so he quickly lost interest and looked back to the journal, and the first real page of text: the acknowledgements page.

"I better be mentioned here," he joked gruffly, while I folded Mr. Williams' letter and set it to the side.

I leant my head once more on Randy's shoulder and looked down at the page myself, seeing the printed text (which was an exact copy of my handwritten page) glaring back at me. The acknowledgements were nothing more than a glorified list of thank yous, many directed to various members of the WWE family. They were the reason this book was possible, even if they weren't knowledgeable of it at the time.

"Aw, now I'm feeling all warm and tingly inside," he murmured in a light sarcastic tone, flipping the page and continued reading. "Hey, why does Adam get a longer blurb than me?"

"I'm sorry Randy, but I like him more than you," I said, in the same joking tone that his question was asked in. He chuckled and looked over at the next page: the dedication.

"You never could just pick one of them," he mused as he flipped the page to finally make it to the prologue. "Even your dedication reflects that fact."

"Yes well, I am sure they will both understand," I said, thinking of what Adam would say when he saw that he shared the honor with the youngest Hardy brother. Doubt he would think much of it considering I am sure by now he didn't think much of me. I couldn't get any clear indication from Randy, but wasn't sure if I really wanted to know.

"Is the whole book like this – in your own handwriting?" he asked, quickly flipping the pages to confirm his question. "That's pretty hot, even though I am sure it was a bitch to write this legible all the time."

"Tell me about," I muttered as he flipped back to his previous position. "Sitting in the locker room, after a match and in a dull throbbing pain, but still – needed to make sure that my writing could be read. At the time, I didn't know that that was how they were going to print it. Hell, I didn't even know if I had a publisher seeing as I walked out on my job."

Before reading the prologue, which was written after the whole experience was over, Randy looked at the photos that were printed in a makeshift collage on the left hand side of the page. They were pictures of me and the various 'characters' in this book. Pretty much anyone who I spent some time with and would be affected by what I had written – the usual suspects so to speak. I turned my attention back to the written page and began to read over my words in my head:

"_Professional wrestling – or the now aptly termed 'sports entertainment' – was a facet of pop culture that I thought I knew enough about. I mean, come on: what more is there than sweaty, steroid driven men throwing each other around a makeshift boxing ring for a few hours a week? A world where women are treated as nothing more than sexual objects for the viewers pleasure and probably the wrestlers themselves? That was what I saw whenever I was forced into watching the weekly two hour farce know as Monday Night Raw. _

_But now – only a few months removed from those original beliefs – I can honestly say that my mind has been altered. After living the lifestyle of a WWE Diva for several months, I know firsthand what happens in the world that in my eyes used to glisten so dimly on the television screen. Everything on screen is not 'fake' like many would claim, but it is certainly not real either. There is a muddled line between reality and fantasy that gets left behind as soon as you walk out of the gorilla position (glorified way of saying backstage curtain). _

_For those non-wrestling aficionados (and trust me, I was one for quite a long time), I promise not to lose you on my way to pay-per-view stardom (okay, maybe that is a little too generous). Written on these pages are seven months of pain and pleasure, achievement and defeat, but most importantly – love and loss. What started out as an undercover assignment turned into a life changing adventure; one that only I was aware of. _

_And with that fact in mind, I want to preface my work by saying that every person you come across in this journal has touched my life in ways that I could never express. This time was one of great change and development and every single one contributed. Yet they were all unknowing participants in this literary encapsulation of my journey. I have not altered my original text in any form. None of the names are changed or hidden. Nothing was left on the cutting room floor._

_These are my confessions…"_

It wasn't the best opening in the world. I was going to start it by talking about the night of the Backlash pay-per-view and all the emotions I was feeling. Not only has that form been done many times before, but the emotion I felt that night served better as the ending entry. That was the night of duplicities – I was on the top of the world one minute before quickly descending into my own version of Hell.

"For a second there, I was a little worried," Randy said quietly as he shut the book and placed it on the end table next to him. I looked at him in confusion, but he just smiled and flipped the light off. He settled down into a comfortable lying position before speaking. "I don't need to read anymore right now. I don't want to compromise your professional integrity anymore than I already have."

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with Randy Orton?" I asked, stealing the line that Chris had used on me earlier.

"For awhile, well ever since I found out about your book, some things have been eating away at me inside," he said, while I adjusted myself into a lying position right next to him, staring into his moonlight illuminated eyes. "I'm not the easiest person to get along with. I don't act my age most of the time. I can be a total asshole when the mood strikes me. But you… I never really understood who you were. Like Adam would always say, you were different than the others from the start. I guess that is why I could actually tolerate you in the beginning instead of just writing you off as being there only for your tits and ass."

This was another moment when the sensitive side of Randy and his other immature aspect combined to form a hybrid of the man that people usually saw. I smiled and leaned my head down, resting it lightly on his chest. He wrapped his arm around me to hold me to his side, laying his head lightly on the top of mine.

"When I found out about your book, I saw red," he continued quietly, lightly tracing circles on my bare arm. "I confronted Hardy and asked him if he knew anything about it, but he claimed that he was as much in the dark as everyone else. I didn't buy it and he was lucky that we were in a public place or my infamous temper might have got the best of me."

"Why were you so upset?" I asked before he could continue.

"I don't know fully – something inside me just clicked," he answered in the same soft tone. "Maybe it was because you were one of the people that I truly cared about backstage. I know I never did the best to show it, but… you meant something to me because you never just wrote me off as being what others might have perceived me to be. Even after everything I did, you were still there with a smile on your face. But when I heard that you had a book coming out, my mindset shifted. I thought - was everything that I conceived her to be a lie? Was she just using us from the start – manipulating us to fit her story? It was something that I was used to being in the heavily personal political world of the WWE, but… I never thought it would come for you. But now, I see that I should have never doubted you."

"You got all that just from my opening?" I asked. Hey, it must've been better than I thought.

"Not just that, no exceptions remember?" he murmured jokingly, remembering a promise he made to me long ago. "But it's not even just that. It's that when I look at you now, I see the same girl that I grew to trust and care about and…"

He trailed off in his thought. I swiveled my head so I could look back and into his eyes. What I found in his shimmering orbs was enough confirmation to set my mind at ease. Randy and I never shared the quintessential friendship, but I always knew in my heart of hearts that we had a mutual friendship quality of love for each other. And for the first time, I could see it instead of just assuming that it was there. It made me happier than I had been for quite some time.

"I love you too, Randy."


	57. Ripple Effect Is Too Good Not To Mention

_A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. Some of the dialogue from this chapter comes from the 12/4/00, 12/6/04, and 6/25/01 Raw broadcasts. A huge thanks to everyone who has read, added, and reviewed. _**KaraAlissa, sideways anger, 2 Die is 2 Live, Orton Addict, Farra Sti, Hatter-Zombie.ate.your.brains, Enigmatic Lotus Leaf, Medieval Mystic, HardyxGirl, purplefeather21, nicole, unlimited emerald0307, faith-wicked, x.Cassie, Power of Me, 68 stones from a broken heart, and Lisa-Beckiie **- _thanks a million for all of your support in your reviews. _

_Sorry that this chapter has taken so long to be put up, but it took awhile to get used to my classes at college. There are only three more planned chapters after this one. The next chapter will be like this one in structure except instead of Adam playing a key role it will be Jeff. So for all my Hardy lovers, I haven't left him out as I still am not sure what the ending will hold for any of the characters. Happy reading! Peace and Love!!_

* * *

Wednesday November 21, 2007  
6:05 PM – Florence, Italy – Hotel Duomo

In the past month, numerous books have come out dealing with the world of professional wrestling. There was of course Chris's "A Lion's Tale", which has gone on to considerable success and great reviews. Melanie is already drawing up contracts for the sequel which Hachette has proposed, even though he is still a little unsure if he wants to fully commit to the serious undertaking that writing another book would be. I know in the end he will probably relent, especially if it continues to prosper into the great success that it is shaping up to be.

Yet even before Chris's book was released, the aptly titled "Batista Unleashed" was on shelves in the middle of October. I hadn't had a chance to pick up a copy yet with my new assignment taking up the bulk of my waking hours. From what I heard, people either loved it or hated it. Some thought that he came off like a total jackass while others praised his honesty. Unlike Chris's book, it wasn't exactly "written" by Dave himself, as he had a ghostwriter pen the story. This way of writing autobiographies is not uncommon in the entertainment field, but at times, you can't get a true sense of the person since it is not in their own words. With the grueling schedule that WWE wrestlers undergo, it made sense that Dave went the way he did.

A week after Chris's book was released, a book of essays entitled "Benoit: Wrestling with the Horror that Destroyed a Family and Crippled a Sport" was on the shelves. I believe that this will probably be the first in a long line of many books dealing on this subject. Four different journalists wrote essays dealing with the career of Chris Benoit and the fateful weekend that will forever live in wrestling infamy. Yet while it got numerous recommendations from different professional wrestling websites, many readers found it either too much common knowledge or just simply thrown together. When I heard about the book, I couldn't believe that something was written on the subject already. Luckily, I've heard that it is not as condemning as many were expecting it to be. But like I said, it's probably only the beginning.

And of course – lastly, there was my book. The release date was the eighth of November, two weeks after "A Lion's Tale". The book wasn't heavily promoted and I didn't do any media rounds to further spread the word. The way I felt toward the whole situation was I had already gone further in the process than I ever dreamed was possible. If no one read it, I wouldn't feel any less satisfaction as my dream was fulfilled. I never expected the reaction that it garnered.

I continued to read over the letter from Mr. Williams in my hand, unsure if it was truly real. My book had actually made a bigger ripple in the water than I once deemed it would. The letter first discussed the critical reception that I had been trying to avoiding perusing. The reviews were mostly favorable, the negative criticizing my lack of real detective work. And of course, the anti-professional wrestling public found the book way too favorable to be an accurate account, citing that it was most likely a contrived work of fiction.

The letter went on and on about Mr. William's own personal pride about how well the book was received. I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes. This was in fact the same man who pretty much called me a slut and said my work was too cliché to be anything of a success. _Pride_, huh?

But it really was the end of the letter that had kept me rereading the typed page over and over again. I just continued staring at the words unsure if I could really believe that they were there. They couldn't be serious, could they? I wasn't ready and there was no way that I could face…

My thoughts were abruptly startled by a loud pounding on my hotel door. I had no clue who it could've been but quickly shuffled off of the mattress and walked toward the door. Just as I was about to look through the peephole, my cell phone came to life behind me. Iron Maiden only meant one thing: Chris was checking up on me (or more likely wanting to talk about his second coming that had just taken place). I smiled and forgot about the knocking at the door until the noise sounded once more. I quickly threw the door open and was greeted with the smiling faces of my two best friends, Danielle and Steven. Talk about a surprise.

"Ooo, loud eighties rock music," Steven said as my two friends quickly embraced me before entering the room. "Anyone we know?"

"Nice to see you too," I muttered with a surprised chuckle.

I was still in shock over both of their presence. We had talked on the phone a few nights ago and I had stressed about how homesick I was becoming. It was different traveling on the road during my WWE days. I had friends to keep me company. In Italy, I was all alone.

"We couldn't let you spend the holiday all by your lonesome," Danielle replied, setting her bag on the ground.

Steven was already in the room, cradling my cell phone in his hand. I just let him be as there was no way he could tell it was Chris from the picture. I mean, if Randy couldn't tell the difference I doubted Steven could.

"Yeah, I was just about to go into my brooding _I miss Adam_ phase," I replied, happy for the company during the Thanksgiving weekend.

Too many bittersweet memories were etched on my heart about this weekend. Not only was it the first time that Adam and I had actually become physically intimate with each other, but I had also won the Diva Search a few days later at Survivor Series. It was amazing how much could change in one year.

I was about to speak once more, but noticed that the loud strains of "Run to the Hills" were no longer pervading my senses. And to my horror, I saw that it was not because the call had been directed to my voicemail. No, Steven had taken it upon himself to answer the call that I was ignoring at the moment. The surprises just kept on coming and it seemed as if my friends were about to get one as well.

"Nami's phone," he said with a grin. I hastily went over to his side and tried to pull the phone away from his ear. "May I ask who is calling?"

"Give me the phone," I muttered, once again trying to grab my phone to no avail.

See, Danielle and Steven weren't quite in the know about the extent of my relationship with Chris. Okay… they pretty much didn't know _anything_. They knew that I had spoken to him once, but… yeah, that's it. I didn't want to try and blend the lines between friendship and acquaintance with Chris at first. I wasn't all too sure of his intentions when we started our awkward relationship. And once I got comfortable in my friendship with him, I never got around to clueing in my friends. Hey, Melanie knew – that was at least someone knowing this time unlike before.

I went for one more try and noticed Steven's change in expression. It was easy to pry the phone from his fingers as he stared at me in a surprised yet slightly pleased look.

"Hey, sorry about that," I said into my phone, smiling politely at my still speechless friend. "Some of my friends came for a surprise visit."

"Who is on the phone?" I heard Danielle ask Steven, while my ear was distracted with Chris's laughter on the other end.

"All the way to Italy?" Chris asked. "Damn, you have better friends than I do."

"I know," I replied, grinning from ear to ear, as I sat back down on the mattress.

"Who is on the phone?" Danielle asked once more, directing her question to both of this time. Steven still had yet to reply and sat down next to me, leaning in to hear the other side of the conversation through the phone.

"How long are they staying for?" Chris asked.

"Not really sure," I mused. "They sort of just got here."

"Who is on the phone?!" Danielle asked once more, a little more irritated than the time before.

I looked to Steven who was still leaning toward the phone trying to listen in on the conversation I was having. I chuckled before mouthing the words "Chris Irvine" to her. It took her less than a second to join us both on the bed, sitting on the other side of me and pressing her ear close to the phone as well. They honestly reminded me of five year olds waiting for Santa to come as they kept leaning in closer even though neither of us were speaking.

"So from the lack of talking, I bet they don't know about me, do they?" he asked, the smirk coming through his tone across the boundaries of the phone.

"They do now," I murmured with a smile as I spared a glance at both of my friends. "They seem a little shocked."

"I'd believe it," he said softly sighing, causing my friends to lean closer to me. "You've got to get over all this security bullshit now that your book is out."

"Thanks," I muttered, my friends nodding their heads in approval. I knew that I could have just put the call on speaker, but didn't want to make Chris flustered. He didn't even know my friends, but it wasn't like he never spoke in front of strangers before. He does it every week.

"I'm serious," he replied earnestly. "Besides, I heard all about the show that the CW is putting together in December."

"You heard about that already?" I asked, while both my friends gave me questioning stares. "I just got the news today."

I was happy that not everyone was in the know about this proposed panel television program. It was supposed to be discussing my book, the process of writing it, and its surprising good press. According to Mr. William's letter, nothing was totally finalized but with the television writer's strike, channels were scrambling for programming.

"Well, you may have _better_ friends, but mine are in higher places," he replied jokingly, my friends trying their best to stifle chuckles. I was sure that he could hear them over the phone yet he just continued on. "Adam told me."

"He knows?" I asked hastily as Danielle placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah – he was trying to hide the giddiness in his voice, but I knew it was there."

"Stop clowning," I groaned, knowing that there should be no reason for my former boyfriend to be 'giddy' about seeing me. At least, I wanted to try and convince myself of it.

"I might be slightly exaggerating the truth, but I know he is looking forward to seeing you," Chris replied laughing. "He had the card you sent him for his birthday still on his refrigerator."

"You serious?" I asked, while both Steven and Danielle softly shared their happiness in the news.

It was like they were more excited about the recent developments in my relationship than I was. I guess they deserved their own pleasure on the subject, seeing as finally everything was out in the open. Well almost everything… no one knew about my visit with a certain Legend Killer.

"Well he had it up a week ago when I was over there," Chris replied contently, yet it just made my mood dwindle a little further.

"You know you are putting me into the mopey funk that my friends were trying to get me out of," I commented in a slight teasing tone.

"Just stating the truth," he said matter-of-factly. "So – back to the topic of the show, the one thing I found quite interesting when Adam told me about it was that your name wasn't on the list of scheduled guests. Care to enlighten me on that?"

"Is it really so much of a surprise?" I asked rhetorically, knowing that he was used to me and my tendencies by now. I shot a glance between my friends, who were still pressed up against my sides. They just slightly smiled and returned their ears close to my phone.

"No, but I hope you consider making a surprise visit," he replied with a chuckle as I pulled the phone away from my ear to turn up the volume. I was trying the best so I could to appease my friends while not tainting my private conversation with Chris. "It would be the easiest way to get in touch with them again. And you know that Adam won't kill you on live television."

"Funny," I muttered flatly, while both my friends tried their best to stifle their laughter over Chris's comment.

"Besides, he's not going to be alone," he continued. "Jeff, John, and Randy are the other WWE panelists. Oh, and Vince but he doesn't really matter all that much to you anymore in a personal sense I'm figuring."

"That's it, right?" I asked sighing. I didn't know that the network was really making such of a spectacle about the whole thing.

"Well, not exactly. TNA has a representative coming," Chris commented coyly. "Do I even need to name…"

"No – no, you don't," I interrupted, knowing full well that it was another blond Canadian I was quite fond of.

"One nice, big, family reunion so to speak," Chris muttered with a laugh.

"_Dysfunctional_ family reunion is more like it."

"Well, whose isn't?" he replied. "Come on – you have to be done in Italy by then. You've been there for ages."

"It's been around a month," I attested, knowing that I was nowhere near completed the serious endeavor that I had undertaken.

There was just too much to see and I was a fool to think that it would only take a few months. To do the subject of Reniassance art justice, it would take at least a year – a year that I didn't know if I wanted to spend. I loved the subject matter, but I wasn't sure that it really was where I belonged. I didn't want to just give up and leave something behind before doing everything I could to do my utmost potential. I already walked away from one thing once; I didn't want to make a habit out of it.

"Yes and all the art you are looking at is not going to be moving any time soon," Chris reasoned. "But this opportunity is something that could go under the _once in a lifetime_ category."

"I guess," I murmured, knowing that the more he said, the more I knew he was right.

"You're caving," he said in a sing-song tone. "I can't believe it, but you are."

"Well, you did make a little sense," I replied sardonically. "Murdering someone on television isn't exactly FCC approved."

"But it could add to his Rated-R image," Chris said, continuing on with the joking tone.

"I'm going to be seeing Adam, not Edge," I said genuinely. "Luckily, I learned how to separate the two personalities when I saw them."

"That's good because you're going to need that mindset if you plan on watching Smackdown this week."

My two friends began to mumble and I knew that something was up. I wasn't in the know about anything storyline based besides what I had seen the past few nights. Survivor Series and Monday's Raw were the first real wrestling that I had consciously made an effort to see. I found a pub near my hotel that showed wrestling and took it upon myself to frequent the place earlier this week. I was delighted to see that Adam was back, but knew that his storyline would have to be slightly altered as he was absent for over four months.

"What happens?" I asked flatly.

"Um… let's just say Creative has finally found a new love interest for him since Amy left," Chris replied in the most cryptically way possible. It was like he was still hiding behind his code and giving clues to break it.

"Oh?" I posed, hoping that he would say more.

"Yeah."

That was the only reply I got, but Danielle quickly spoke up.

"Ooo, I know who it is," she interjected mockingly as she was always in the know because of her internet sites. They weren't always right, but I knew that Smackdown was most likely taped yesterday so she would know the results.

"Yeah, I read about it too," Steven replied softly with a grin. "I couldn't believe it when…"

"Okay, okay – who is it?" I asked, looking between my two friends, feeling just like Danielle must have before when she didn't know who was on the other line.

"You'll just have to watch," Chris said slyly, oblivious to the other conversation that was going on in my hotel room. "It will have more of an effect if you don't know. And trust me, I was at the taping. It's sort of… let's just say 'expect the unexpected'."

"Now, I'm scared," I said lightheartedly, trying to silently get my friends to tell me the answer. They shook their heads and stayed quiet.

"I wish I could see your face when you see it," Chris said laughing. "Adam once told me that you didn't even like to watch him and Amy kiss on screen."

"It wasn't that I didn't like it," I argued. "It was just _the way_ they kissed. He honestly looked like he was trying to devour her face half the time."

"That's true," he replied. "And I must say he doesn't disappoint this time either."

"Now with all of the preparation, I doubt it will affect me," I said, trying the best to brush it off. "Besides, it's not like we are dating anymore. So why should it even bother me?"

"Sure," he said in a tone that stressed he wasn't buying anything that was coming out of my mouth. "I think I am going to let you go. Go celebrate an _American_ holiday over in _Europe_ with your friends… talk about odd."

"Hey, lay off," I replied teasingly.

"Whatever you say as long as you consider coming to the show," he said, not relenting on the issue; not like I thought he would.

"I'm thinking about it," I answered, knowing that I needed to try and appease him for now. "I mean, if all else fails, at least I have Randy to…"

"Randy?" all three of my friends said in shocked unison. This was what I got when I got too comfortable in my conversation. Whenever I tried to just speak from the heart, my big fat mouth got me in trouble.

"No offense, but I don't know if he is going to be one of your biggest supporters," Chris said sardonically. "You know his temper."

"Yeah, we've met," I replied in the same tone, mentally recalling the beginning of our recent visit with each other.

"And hey – maybe if you decide on going, I will just have to show my own sexy self in front of the camera," he said, trying to find any way to convince me to make up my mind.

"And then you can be another victim of the Adam Copeland murder spree," I replied with a chuckle that wasn't reciprocated.

"How do you figure?" Chris asked sincerely, obviously not getting how he applied in that scenario (which I found hard to believe).

"Please don't tell me you've never thought about what is going to happen when he finds out about all this," I said blithely. "If I am six feet under the ground, I would say you're about four and a half."

"I'd say more," Danielle interrupted, which didn't go undetected by the Canadian on the other end.

"Hey, I heard that," Chris responded teasingly. "And why…"

"Because we both have kept our friendship from him," I interrupted before he could even get the full statement out of his mouth.

"I know how that feels," Danielle scoffed with only a slight hint of true bitterness in her tone.

"Yeah and now that I think of it, you're down more along the lines of five and a half," Steven said, loud enough so the Canadian could hear on the other end. "Hey Nam, at least you're not alone in the experience."

"Very positive friends you've got there," Chris replied in jest.

"They are speaking from experience," I reasoned, knowing about how many times I had kept them in the dark over the course of this past year. And it obviously didn't end when I left the WWE. It actually just got worse.

"Well, I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there," Chris said, sighing as he must've seen some truth in my theory. "Just promise me you don't put all of the blame on yourself. I would have kept this a secret even if you didn't ask me to."

"Aw," Danielle and Steven both uttered for the third or fourth time so far in the conversation yet this time was the only truly audible one. I shushed them before focusing back on my conversation with Chris.

"I'm not going to let this ruin your friendship with him, even if it means that our romantic relationship is not repairable," I said, getting up from my seat on the mattress, much to my friends' indignation. They'd heard enough already. I walked over and leant up against the large glass window and stared out at the beautiful skyline.

"And I'm not going to let that happen," he replied brightly. "Looks like we'll just have to gauge his reaction and see."

"So comforting," I muttered, knowing that Adam could be quite hasty in his reactions on things. Once he got a gut feeling about something, it usually stuck.

"That's weeks away," he said. "Just go have fun with your cynical friends and forget all about it for now."

"Okay then… wait! Hold on a second," I exclaimed, knowing that I couldn't let him get off the line without talking about his debut. "You've yet to tell me about your spectacular second coming on Monday."

"I was hoping you saw it," he replied chuckling, as I knew he was well aware that I hadn't been keeping up with the shows as much as I should have.

"Yeah - I found this little pub type place that shows wrestling," I said. "I even watched Survivor Series, not live of course cause of the time difference. But yeah – it looks like both of my sexy blond Canadians are on the air once again."

"Don't forget about Jay," Danielle posed forcefully, making sure that both myself and Chris heard her.

"I included Jay," I said, turning to her with a grin on my face.

"Ha _ha_," Chris replied drolly, pretending not to be amused by his absence from my list. "Just for that…"

I pulled my phone away from ear and saw that the call had been disconnected. I chuckled and flipped it shut, turning my attention back to my still seated friends.

"He hung up," I commented with a grin, knowing all too well that our conversation was only taking a temporary reprieve.

"I'm really not that surprised," Danielle scoffed, as she tried her best to put on an impression of anger. It wasn't working that well as I knew deep down she understood my reasons for keeping Chris a secret. It was something that I needed to do. "But even more importantly, when were you going to let us…"

"_Run to the hills!"_

"Hold that thought," I told her with a smile as I flipped open my phone once more.

"Even though it will probably be a pretty shady answer," Steven commented to Danielle in a faux irritated tone. I shot him a sarcastic look before continuing my phone conversation.

"You were saying?" I asked him, not wasting time with formalities and such. I really wanted to hear about what he thought about Monday night. He had been looking forward to it for so long.

"Okay – so it felt… it was amazing," he explained trying to get the words out of his mouth while I headed back over to sit in between my friends. I figured that maybe they would like to hear as well and I knew that I still had a lot of making up to do. "I've been gone for over two years and…"

"The crowd still hung on every word you said," I interrupted with a smile, knowing full well the power that the live audience played on one's psyche. "Only one thing bugged me – the vest."

"It was a throw back to his debut in the WWE," Danielle explained before Chris could get the words out of his own mouth.

"Yeah, that," Chris replied chuckling at my friend's knowledge and hasty reply. "I'm hurt that you've never seen my old debut. It's like the number one highlight from the Attitude era."

"I've probably seen it," I muttered laughing, responding to his teasing statements. I was trying my best to remember the clip, but I was drawing a blank. "Even though, I think I would have remembered that vest."

"He didn't wear a vest," Steven explained with a sigh, as if all of this should have been common knowledge. "It was an open button down shirt. Just as glistening though."

"Huh," I mused as I continued to try and remember the clip. I had flashes of Adam dressed up like Ric Flair, Jay wrestling in actual Captain Charisma superhero garb, but no sparkly Jericho shirt.

"I demand that you go find it online as soon as we are done here," Chris said with a laugh.

"Okay, okay. I'm sure I must've seen it though," I replied, even though I was beginning to doubt that statement's actuality. "But honestly, I don't think I have even seen Adam's debut… or Jeff's… or anyone's for that matter."

"You've seen your own – no matter how short lived it was," Steven added smiling. I turned to him with a sad grin.

"Touché," I murmured softly.

"So yeah – my first debut was a lot more nerve-racking," Chris explained in a rushed tone as if he was trying to get me to think about happier thoughts. "I was the veteran wrestler yet newbie in the company that was trying to make a good impression on the boss, who was standing right behind the curtain backstage critiquing everything I did. On Monday, I was the returning veteran who already had impressed the boss and was coming back for a second term. Even so, I still had the pleasure of being vehemently dissected as soon as I walked through the curtain by Vince. I am sure you know what I mean."

"Only wrestled a few live television matches, but yeah – I'm well aware," I said, remembering that Vince was usually one of the first faces you saw once you got behind the curtain.

It was a little different though during most of my stay as he was an integral part in the main storyline on Raw so he didn't spend as much time at the monitor near the gorilla position. According to Adam, that was the major plus of Vince being so busy in an on air role: it took a little stress off the wrestlers as they were still assessed but not as critically.

"I forgot how much of a high it was though," Chris continued, happy to be broken from my thoughts. "But it hit as soon as my music sounded and the crowd responded. I can tell you that that moment will be on my Tivo for the longest time."

"Yeah – anytime you need a pick-me-up: instant gratification," I replied happily.

"Big time," he agreed with a sigh. "So, no house shows yet for me as I am still on my never-ending book tour. But Raw is live on Monday and then we head to Iraq."

"Oh, that's right," I said, knowing that the trip usually comes right after the Thanksgiving week. "I remember when Adam went last year."

"Yeah, it's going to be my first time going," he replied. "Not looking forward to the flight so much, but I'm sure it will be well worth it in the end."

"Just sleep on the…"

" – over twenty hour flight?" Chris finished for me, but in a cynical tone.

"Start your next book," I offered. "Mel told me you've already come to terms for a sequel."

"Uh-huh, even though I have no clue when I am going to find the time to write it," he said. I could believe that. The life of a WWE wrestler wasn't the most carefree and leisure existence. Downtime was to be spent with family and friends, not scribbling furiously in a journal. I knew from experience. "They set a tentative publish date as fall of 2009. There is no way that's going to be met unless I get injured or something like that."

"Don't even joke about something like that," I replied, not wanting to see another person go down for a few months. Adam and John were only two in a string of wrestlers with nagging or current injuries.

"Okay, okay," Chris answered, knowing that constantly worrying was one of my many flaws. "I better get going and besides, I am keeping you from your company. Have a great Thanksgiving and don't forget to at least think about attending the show."

"Ugh," I muttered, even though I wasn't surprised that he brought it up once more. Both of my friends lightly shoved me, knowing that I should be grateful that I had someone who cared about me like that. I did, but I was also slightly annoyed.

"Am I being persistent or stupid?" Chris asked sarcastically.

"You're being persistently stupid!" I answered, earning laughter from all around me. "But I _will _think about it. Happy Thanksgiving to you too and I'll call you sometime before you leave for the Middle East."

"Alright," he said, not pushing me for a more definite answer. "Have fun."

I flipped the phone shut and rose from the bed once more. I set my cell phone down on the desk and turned back to look at my still silent friends. They were both giving me slight condemning glares, that I couldn't say I didn't deserve.

"What?" I asked, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Danielle asked scornfully. So much for them being understanding.

"I don't know," I said, trying to figure out how to weasel my way out of this one. "It just never came up?"

"Oh, _come now_. You can do better than that," Danielle responded in a cynical tone, as she must have figured that after spending much of my past year making up excuses that I had to have one for this. Too bad I didn't.

"Yeah, try again," Steven imparted with a wave of his hand, gesturing for another excuse to come from my lips.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay?" I said, leaning up against the glass of the window once again. "When Chris and I first came in contact with each other, I didn't know how far the relationship would get. You both knew about our incident in the office hallway. How was I to know that we would _actually_ become friends in the end?"

I watched them as they exchanged looks. They shrugged before shaking their heads. This would not be as easy as I thought it would be. And if this was hard, I couldn't imagine what it would be like to try and explain the relationship to Adam when the time came.

"You're not buying that one either, are you?" I asked rhetorically, already knowing that the answer was written on their faces. "I know that I should've told you guys, but there are a lot of things I '_should've done'_ in the past that I can't go back and change."

"We know," Steven conceded. "We would just like to be clued in from now on if that's okay with you."

"Okay," I said with a nod, walking back towards the bed. "Besides, you're pretty much all I have left."

"Thanks a lot," Danielle scoffed at my statement.

"I didn't mean it like that," I said, once again trying to figure out how to get my mouth to just shut up. Things always came out wrong. "I just… forget it. There is _no way_ I'll be able to find my way out of that one."

"So you haven't been holding out on us even more, have you?" Steven asked with a curious grin, knowing that if I could keep something as big as Chris Irvine from them, there could always be something else. Oh and there was… but would I tell them?

"She's probably seen Adam and just doesn't want to tell us," Danielle replied in the same contemptuous tone that all of her comments had been said in. This visit was starting out _so great_.

"Ha," I replied flatly. "The most communication I have had with him the past few months was when I sent him a birthday card."

"Yeah, we heard about that one," Danielle said as I made my way to sit back down on the bed. But before I could, both she and Steven laid down and stretched out across the full mattress. I groaned and dragged the desk chair over near the side of the bed. "May I ask why you sent him a card? I mean, it was really considerate to do seeing as he could most likely be the _love of your life_, but it just doesn't seem _your _style."

"I had to send him one since he found out that I had sent Jeff one in August," I said truthfully.

"And how do you know that?" Danielle asked still with the bitter tone. "Chris tell you?"

"It's a long story," I groaned with a sigh. I looked directly into Danielle's eyes and could tell that I needed to give her more than that. I closed my eyes and shook my head trying to get into story time mode. "Oh, alright. It all happened one day when Chris came over to visit. His book was in the final stages of publication and…"

For the next half hour, I recounted the story of how Adam had visited my apartment. Both Steven and Danielle softened up slightly throughout the course of the tale. They saw that I was making a big attempt to be fully honest with them. I think it was also the fact that they saw they weren't alone in being kept in the dark. Poor Adam definitely had the worst of it and I was sure going to get it if he ever found out that that apartment belonged to me. It was bound to happen though.

"He really did that to you?" Danielle asked when I finished my stroll down memory lane.

"You don't know the half of it," I replied, thinking about all of the other things Chris had done to try and get me to speak with Adam, first and foremost the scene at the New York café one night. Danielle saw the look in my eye and was about to ask about it. "A story for another time, but honestly – he was just looking out for his friend."

"You or Adam?" Steven asked perceptively.

"Touché," I responded not knowing really how to answer the question.

"So, he's like your confidant?" he continued, trying to figure out the extent of my friendship with the wrestler. "You tell him everything that is going on and he soothes your soul?"

"Sure, but it's not like I tell him _everything_," I stressed.

"Not too surprised there," Danielle replied again in a miffed tone. I guess my story didn't loosen her up as much as I thought it would. And I knew that there was only thing that would do it.

"Well, do you want to hear about something that I haven't even told the sexy beast himself?" I posed directly to Danielle, trying to get her to crack. "As a matter of fact, it was something that I wasn't planning on telling anyone."

"Now you've piqued my interest," she relented, finally cracking a small smile.

"Okay, so when I was in England last month – I ran into Randy," I said waiting for a big reaction. Maybe a few shocked faces and shrieks of joy. I got nothing but blank, vacant looks. Maybe they didn't understand what I had said.

"Orton?" Danielle asked flatly.

"What other Randy do I know?" I asked rhetorically. "Of course I mean…"

"Tell us everything! How did you two meet?" Danielle shrieked, finally awarding me with the reaction I at first expected with both of them popping up from their lying positions on the bed. Better late than never I guess.

"Did you search him out?" Steven asked hastily before I could answer Danielle's query.

"Did _he_ search _you_ out?" Danielle responded, still not giving me a chance to speak.

"Did…"

"Slow down," I replied with a laugh, before Steven could ask another question. "We met by accident. He was at the Victoria and Albert Museum when I was and…"

"Randy Orton was at an art museum – of his own volition?" Danielle asked disbelievingly. "I find that hard to believe."

"He was just trying to stay out of trouble while they were in the UK," I replied flippantly, knowing that I didn't believe it either at first even though I was there to witness it with my own eyes. "So anyway, we got to talking and after a few rough moments, everything worked out nicely."

"Come on Nam, tell us what _really_ happened," Steven pried. "I really don't see him as the _forgive and forget _type."

"It didn't start out that well," I admitted with a smile, knowing that it was time for another story. "But when it was over, I actually wished that we had more time to spend together. I just needed to try and make him see that I still cared very deeply about everything I left behind. And I was surprised how well it actually succeeded. By the time he had to leave…"

* * *

_Wednesday October 17, 2007  
6:17 AM – Hilton at Hyde Park: London, United Kingdom_

_I groggily opened my eyes as I felt the bed shift underneath me. I looked around and saw a still sleeply Legend Killer sitting on the side of the bed, coffee cup in hand. I sat up prompting him to turn to me with a smile on his face. I wiped the rest of my sleep from eyes and noticed that he had already showered and was fully changed. I glanced to look at the clock and saw it was a little after six. This was definitely one of the aspects of the business I didn't miss._

"_Want some?"_

_Randy's question broke my fog of morning drowsiness. He held out his mug toward me. I smiled and accepted the mug. I looked down at my blurry reflection in the liquid. It was amazing how much one assignment turned my world around. And I honestly didn't know if it was for the better anymore. Yet as soon as the thought of never meeting the people I had come to care about more than anything came into my mind, I knew that no matter what the final outcome, I wouldn't have changed a thing._

"_I don't have cooties or anything," Randy joked teasingly, as I had yet to take a sip of the bitter liquid._

"_I know – I was just thinking," I murmured, finally bringing the porcelain to my lips and taking a small sip of the lukewarm coffee. I smiled and handed the mug back to Randy. "Thanks."_

"_So, what are your plans for the day?" Randy asked, turning his body around on the bed so he faced me completely._

"_Ugh, checkout is at eleven and then I guess I am just going to head to the airport," I groaned as I still wasn't a big fan of flying. "I have a flight to Rome later on today."_

"_Oh that's right – you mentioned that last night," he replied, taking a long swig of his coffee before setting the mug down on the end table. "How long are you going to be in Europe for?"_

"_Not too sure," I replied truthfully, as my timetable was pretty open-ended. "I guess I will be staying until I feel like I accomplished my objective."_

"_Oh," he answered shortly, rising from the bed and beginning to gather his things. "I wish that I could stay a little longer but I got to hurry back to the other hotel. We have a show in Cardiff today and you know how overseas tours go – everyone travels together."_

"_You don't sound too thrilled," I commented, picking up on his sarcastic tone that the last few statements were said in._

"_It's an almost three hour bus ride with a locker room that still couldn't give a shit about me," he continued, hastily zipping up his bag and setting it on the ground. "There a few guys that I talk to, but it's a little different than a year ago when John and Adam were my regular travel buddies on these type of things. Don't get me wrong, I like my privacy and when we are back in the States on our normal schedule, it doesn't really bug me that they are not around. But in times like these, when everything is so close knit, it just shows me how split the locker room really is."_

"_How long do you have left… on tour I mean?" I asked with a small smile as I sat up and moved near the edge of the bed._

"_We only have a few days left," he said, doing a once over of the room to make sure he had all of his things. "Raw is live from Omaha, Nebraska on Monday so… then things get back to normal – well, as normal as things ever are."_

"_Yeah," I muttered laughing, knowing that the life of professional wrestler was never 'normal'. _

_An eerie silence fell over the two of us – both of us knowing that our time together was coming to a close. I didn't want our time to end so soon, but knew that he needed to get back before anyone noticed his absence. I didn't want his reign as champion to suffer because they felt like he wasn't following regulations. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't expecting to see Randy anytime soon and now that it happened… it was weird having to say goodbye all over again. But this time, it wouldn't be in a letter._

_While I was pondering what to do, Randy came over and sat back down on the bed next to me. He took my hand in his and placed a light kiss on my cheek. I turned to face him and pulled my hand from his grasp so I could wrap both arms around his neck. He chuckled low in his chest before reciprocating the action. A few moments later, we were still embracing. It seemed like neither of us really wanted to let go… at least I knew I didn't._

"_So… I better be going," he murmured into my ear._

"_Yeah – sure," I muttered right back, yet not letting go of my hold on his form._

"_You stay safe while you're over here," he said softly, not letting go of his hold either._

"_I will sexy," I said jokingly. _

_We both pulled back slightly and I saw a grin plastered on his handsome features. I leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on his lips before finally detangling my arms from him. We both got up from the bed and headed over to the door, Randy stopping to grab his bag on the way. I opened the door and he stepped out into the hallway._

"_So, I'll see you around sometime?" he asked, leaning up against the door jamb._

"_I'm sure of it," I said with a smile. "Thanks Randy… for everything."_

"_I should be thanking you," he said smirking. "After some of the things I said to you, I would have never expected you to be so hospitable toward me."_

"_Yes, well… I'm happy that we've had this time to talk some things through," I said softly, breaking my gaze from his intense stare. "It gives me a little hope for things to come, I guess."_

"_Don't worry about it babe," he said, grasping the hand that wasn't holding the door. "If anyone starts to talk shit, just sick me on them. I'll get them to learn their place."_

"_Do you ever get tired of being 'Randy Orton'?" I asked teasingly, as it was sometimes hard to separate the Legend Killer persona from the man standing in front of me. I knew that the real Randy Orton (this Randy Orton) could be a total sweetheart when need be. But his on-screen persona wasn't totally detached from his real personality. I found his intensity to be exhausting and I didn't know how he could keep it up._

"_Not in the least," he said, squeezing my hand lightly before walking slightly away from the door. "When you are ready to come out of your hibernation, look me up."_

"_Sure," I said slightly smiling. "Stay safe Rand."_

"_I will," he said winking as he pulled a pair of sunglasses from a pocket in his bag. _

_He slipped them over his eyes waving once more before walking down the hallway. I watched his retreating form with a small smile still on my face even while a few tears slowly began to stain my cheek. He stopped at the elevator, hit the button, and waited for it to arrive never looking back. He probably had thought that I returned into my room. I heard the ding signaling the arrival of the elevator. Before he boarded, he cast a glance over his shoulder and caught my gaze. I couldn't see his eyes thanks to the glasses but I could tell he was surprised I was still there. I gave a small wave prompting him to nod in my direction. He got on the elevator and was gone from my sight._

"_Goodbye Randy."_

* * *

"So that's what you meant when you mentioned Randy's name to Chris earlier," Danielle commented with a huge grin on her face. "_See_? Now everything is beginning to make sense."

"And you thought your life would become less complicated once you left the company," Steven remarked as he laid back down on the bed, content with all I had revealed.

"Tell me about it," I remarked dryly. "I find myself running in even more circles now."

"Well, it doesn't have to be that way," Danielle said as she rose from the bed and walked over toward my chair. "I say you take Chris's advice. Go to the show. Everyone you have been obsessing over in your mind for the past few months will be in the same place. I'd say its fate."

"I can't make a hasty decision about this," I answered, feeling like a broken record on the subject. "If I go on that show, it is like I am being fed to the wolves."

"But you have the most ferocious and intimidating one on your side," she replied, speaking of the Legend Killer himself.

"Oh fine," I muttered flatly, sparing glances between both of my friends. Steven was fiddling with his own cell phone and Danielle was just regarding me near the large window. I turned to her with a sigh. "Can we not discuss this anymore? I just found out about it myself and need to wrap my head around everything."

She nodded her head and turned to look outside at the skyline for the first time. It truly was a sight to behold and I could tell she was quite impressed.

"Wow – talk about a great view!" she said, craning her neck to try and see all the way around the Duomo that took up most of the landscape.

"Amazing, isn't it?" I replied, getting up to join her near the window. Even after being here for a few weeks, I was still amazed every morning. I knew that the feeling wouldn't last, but it was remarkable.

"I don't know how people live here," she said, finally breaking her gaze from the architectural wonder in front of us. "I would go crazy from the abundance of amazing architecture and art."

"I guess it just becomes second nature," I said voicing my own opinion on the subject. "Once you experience something, it has already made an impression on you. The more you experience it… I guess it just dulls the sensation."

"Maybe that's the case in art, but I don't think that applies for everything in life," Steven said, speaking up for the first time.

I shot him a look, noticing that his gaze was still fixated on his cell phone in his hand. I sighed and looked back out at the skyline once more. Danielle left my side citing that she was going to take a shower after the long flight. I nodded my head, but didn't turn toward her. I was still thinking about what Steven had said. I closed my eyes and tried to stop the memories from flowing through my system. It didn't work as I lightly muttered a reply to Steven's conjecture.

"I don't either."

* * *

_Friday April 27, 2007  
6:48 PM – Adam's house in Florida_

"This was all acting General Manager Chris Jericho's idea."

"_Remember to thank your friends for me."_

_I chuckled at Jay's sarcastic comment and shot a glance his way, who in turn just rolled his eyes as he continued to watch the screen. The last time I had seen my friend Danielle she gave me a tape which she said was filled of the best Edge and Christian clips she could find. Even though it was a month ago since I had last seen her, I hadn't found any down time to watch the contents of the tape. There was of course Wrestlemania and then the European trip. This was the first real downtime I had had in quite awhile. So I took it as the perfect opportunity to view the collection and it had yet to disappoint._

"There's the problem solver," _JR commented as Tomko walked out confidently onto the stage. There was no sign of Jay as he looked around in vain before walking back near the curtain._

"_Oh man – we are going to need a copy of this," Denise commented with a laugh as her husband just shot her a perturbed look. I gave them both a questioning glance, but readjusted my view toward the screen. _

"And introducing the challenger – from Toronto, Canada – weighting in at two-hundred and twenty-four pounds: Captain Charisma!" _Lillian announced for the second time as Jay finally slowly strolled out onto the stage, hands on his hips. Instead of wearing his normal ring attire, Jay was actually dressed up like "Captain Charisma", complete with a maroon body suit and mask accented with maize trunks, gloves, and detailing. Both Denise and I started to laugh which caused Jay to even break into a small smile. He knew it was funny, but wanted to put on an exasperated front._

"_Laugh it up," he murmured, as 'Captain Charisma' tried to go back stage once more, not wanting to perform in such a ridiculous outfit. Not like I could blame him. After a few moments, Tomko was finally able to convince him to walk down the ramp, quite confidently I might add._

"This must make all the peeps around the world so proud of the challenger,"_ JR said dryly as the camera panned a little bit closer to Jay's walking figure. I couldn't stop myself from laughing even harder, even when a pillow from one of the couches whacked me in the head._

"_Hey, what was that for?" I asked teasingly, as I reached over to shove him lightly. "You know it's funny."_

_All three of us turned our attention back to the screen as Jay finally made it into the ring and up on one of the corner turnbuckles to salute the fans. All the while, Shelton Benjamin - the Intercontinental champion and Jay's opponent that night - was still trying to control his own laughter._

"_I thought you said you were going to pause it and wait for me."_

_I looked up as my boyfriend came back into the room with drinks for all of us. I smiled as he distributed the bottles of beer before sitting down next to me on the couch._

"_Yeah well – we lied," I stated while snuggling up close to his side, taking a small sip from my bottle. _

"_And it's not like you missed much," Jay said as the match began with Shelton having the upper hand. _

"_Besides, it's not as though you haven't seen these clips before," I muttered as I continued to watch the screen closely as all of this was new to my eyes._

"_Yes, but there are only so many times that I get to call Randy my bitch on national television," Adam joked, referring to the segment right before the current Captain Charisma match._

_Back in December of 2004, Chris Jericho was given control of Raw for one night. Jay and Adam tried to explain the storyline to me, but I got too confused yet smiled and nodded like their explanation would suffice. All I knew was he made this match for the Intercontinental championship with the stipulation that Christian had to wear the attire he had prepared for him (which I now knew was the 'stunning' superhero outfit)._

_In the segment before from the same broadcast, Adam (well, actually "Edge") got into an argument with Randy about how he deserved to be the WWE Champion. It was another confusing segment for me, considering I had no clue about the storyline that surrounded it. Once again, the boys tried their best to explain it but it pretty much just fell on deaf ears. The segment concluded with Edge and Randy needing to be restrained by at least a dozen officials after Edge said and I quote: _"In case you forget, I ended your eight month Intercontinental championship reign and you come out here and say I bitch every week? But the fact of the matter is Randy, when it comes down to you and me, you're my bitch."

"_Ooo, that looked like it hurt," Denise commented as Jay charged at Shelton who was standing prone in the corner, only to have him move out of the way at the last second._

"_Probably did," he muttered, taking a large swig from his bottle. _

_Both Adam and Jay spent the whole match watching closely, while Denise and I shared looks and silent giggles from across the room. The match ended after some Tomko interference that went awry and Shelton hit the T-Bone suplex. Chris Jericho came out with a microphone when the tape cut to another clip._

"_I guess your friend doesn't like Chris all that much," Jay said with a laugh._

"_She made this tape just about you two," I said as the screen came back to life with another clip that must've been older than the last one. "I have another one at home of the Hardys."_

"_Oh," Jay commented as we all refocused our attention to the television as the blond tag team made their way to the ring. The camera focused on a younger Adam whose hair was slightly braided in the front. I turned to him to ask what it was about, but he could read my mind and already had an answer._

"_I don't know yet," he said with a smile, never letting his eyes leave the screen._

_It's not like I could expect them to remember every single thing about their careers especially when the clips were not in chronological order by any means. They would probably get clued in to what was happening by the time they began to speak._

"Road Dogg and K-Kwik, you think you're so special because you come out here and rap,_" 'Christian' said with a huge grin on his face before laughing. _"We've got a little surprise for you, cause we are about to kick it!"

"_Oh no," Adam groaned, putting a hand over his face as he watched Christian turn toward the younger version of himself on the screen. "I remember now."_

"_And?" I asked, but was cut off when Edge began to rap on screen._

"We're Edge and Christian and we're total bliss. That's because we reek of awesomeness," _Edge rapped with a goofy grin on his face. I laughed and smiled as his partner picked up where he left off._

"We're the E to the C and you're in lickty luck. We're gonna beat Dogg and Krush cause they totally suck," _Christian continued with the same cocky look on his face._

"Now even though we're in Jersey, a state with skanky hoes," _Edge continued, prompting a loud eruption from the audience. Adam reached over and took my hand in his pulling my form closer to his own. "_We'll still break it down for a five second pose."

"True dat!"_ Christian said, as both men dropped their microphones and began their pose._

"What a couple of jackasses." _JR commented about the two men._

"_I agree," I muttered teasingly, shoving my boyfriend slightly away from me._

"_Aw, beautiful – I didn't mean it," Adam commented we both turned away from the television to look into each other's eyes. "We just needed a word to rhyme with 'pose'."_

_I slightly pouted but leant up until our lips met. He smiled against my lips before deepening the kiss. We were so oblivious to anything but ourselves that we missed the whole match. We pulled back to see both himself and Jay celebrating over their victory. I reached over and placed my bottle on a table before snuggling next to Adam's side once more._

"_How about we watch a few more and then get the grill going?" Adam asked as the television cut from the clip once again._

"_You don't need our help to start grilling," Denise imparted with a grin._

"_Yeah babe," I murmured looking up him with a smile. "We are quite comfortable right here."_

"_Yeah well, what if I made it a little more uncomfortable for you?" he murmured in my ear. I turned to look at him with a curious look. He just motioned his head back to the television with a cocky grin on his face. I shook my head but complied as I turned just in time for the new clip to pop up on the screen._

"And here comes the Commissioner William Regal, along with his associate Tajiri, carrying the King of the Ring trophy as we prepare for the award ceremony,"_ JR said as both men came walking down the ramp. Everything seemed so familiar, but I knew that I had never seen this before. But then I __remembered Adam's book and how this segment was so fondly recalled, as well as him stating that it began the spilt between the two 'brothers'._

"_Okay, let me get this straight," Jay said. "We see Edge win the WWE Championship for the first time, him bitch out Randy Orton, him win the Money in the Bank briefcase and now his coronation ceremony. And what do we see of me? The Captain Charisma outfit, the Chicken suit incident… need I say more?"_

"_Oh come on, they were priceless memories," I said with a grin. "That we will want to relive over and over again."_

"_Yeah – and besides, this segment is as much yours as it is mine considering you steal the trophy from me," Adam commented with a grin. _

"Hello to all my friends in New York City!" _Commissioner Regal began and was subsequently booed for his efforts. "_Now, there are a lot of things that are lacking in this country: civility, politeness, the washing of one's hands when one uses the lavatory… but the thing that is lacking the most is royalty. That is why it is my honor to award the 2001 King of the Ring winner. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce to you… King Edge!"

"_That black and white picture in Adam's book doesn't do those shades justice," I muttered as we watched Edge and Christian stroll confidently down the ramp toward the red carpeted ring. Jay and I laughed at our own little joke, recalling in the fall when the two of us had been perusing his book together. It was the start of our own friendship._

"_Yeah – and maybe I should take my last statement back," Jay said chuckling. "Those clothes are just as heinous as the Captain Charisma outfit. Maybe not the Chicken suit, but close."_

"I wonder how Christian is taking all this?"_ JR pondered as both men had made it to the ring and Edge was about to receive his trophy._

"Congratulations Edge," _Regal continued. "_Now, while your victory will be forever tainted because of the inconsiderable interference of that miserable Shane McMahon, you are still the 2001 King of the Ring winner and I congratulate you."

"_See – I'm clapping for him," Jay said as he began to clap on screen while Edge bowed slightly to Tajiri, who was still holding his trophy._

"So, as you chaps say, it's time to 'wreck of awesomeness'," _Regal quoted, causing both men to look at each other in confusion over his mispronunciation of the word. "_And let's give a very special five second pose to the common folk."

"_Finally, I get my trophy," Adam commented as he took the large silver cup from Tajiri's hands and posed along with his tag team partner. "And now I don't have it again."_

_Christian took it from Edge's hands and proceeded to look at it like he was the one who had won the tournament. He placed it on the carpeted mat and took the microphone from William Regal._

"Thank you Commissioner," _Christian began with a smirk on his face like this was his acceptance speech. "_And I just want to start out by saying, what an honor it is to be standing here with my brother Edge: the 2001 King of the Ring."

"_Yeah, you sure look like it is a real honor," Adam scoffed as even his on-screen persona looked skeptical of Christian's true intentions._

"But you know my only regret is that chumpstain Shane McMahon also interfered in my match and cost me the chance to face Edge in the finals," _Christian continued, with both he and his 'brother' nodding in recognition of the truth. "_Despite the fact that I over came huge odds by beating both Kane and the Big Show who combined weigh more than a thousand pounds."

"_The audience doesn't seem too impressed," I told Jay with a smile, as Christian once again turned toward Edge to address him._

"Anyways, I just want to say I'm proud of you," _Christian stated excitedly. "_And congrat-u-latations are totally in order."

"Thanks, thanks Christian," _Edge said flatly, not really believing a word he said, especially when Christian ended up picking up the trophy as soon as the microphone was out of his hands._

"_So begins the love affair," Jay commented dryly as both us began to laugh. Denise and Adam turned to us with confused looks, but we just shared one of our own before looking back toward the screen._

"Commissioner, Tajiri, good citizens of the Big Apple – welcome to a new era… an era of awesomeness!" _Edge declared, much to the delight of both of the blonds in the ring. "_Yeah. And you know, it's…"

_Music interrupted Edge's speech as somebody came out on the stage, microphone in hand. I gave the television a questioning look, but remembered Adam's book and knew that this was bound to happen. Adam and Jay started to talk amongst themselves while Billy Gunn got ready to speak._

"Well, well, well – King Edge, huh?" _Billy said with condemnation in his tone. "_Congratulations your majesty. Welcome to the King of the Ring winners club. When I won the 1999 King of the Ring, I was really looking forward to defending my crowd the next year but unfortunately I had a shoulder injury. Then I wanted to defend it this year and wasn't even entered in the damn tournament. Then I had the indignity of sitting at WWF New York with a bunch of loud, obnoxious, New York City morons. But no, no, the topper – the worst of it all, not just sitting through the restaurant was to watch a talentless joke like you actually win the damn thing!"

"_Talk about sour grapes," I muttered with a smile. Adam leaned down and kissed me lightly on the temple._

"But congratulations Edge – I really, really mean it," _Billy concluded._

"_I'm sure he does too," Adam said sarcastically._

"Wow Billy, you sound like a human vacuum cleaner managing to both suck and blow at the same time," _Edge said, much to the delight of the crowd._ "And Billy, since you're not really doing anything lately, I was wondering if you could do me a favor? If in two years time at the King of the Ring, if I'm not defending a title or even in a match, and my very special assignment is to go to WWF New York and eat a meatball sandwich – then please, just shoot me in the head."

"_Weren't you injured two years after this show?" Denise asked Adam with a smile._

"_Yeah – you were out with your neck injury," Jay answered for him, the three of us turning our attention to the blond next to me._

"_Yeah well, at least I wasn't at WWF New York," Adam shot back teasingly._

"_Wasn't that closed by then?" Jay asked mockingly. "But the fact of the matter remains that you weren't around in…"_

"_But didn't your book say that there was only one King of the Ring winner after you?" I asked Adam quickly as it looked like Edge was about to speak once more._

"_That's right beautiful," Adam replied. "See? So I couldn't defend…"_

"_I can't believe we are still arguing about this," Denise commented which resulted in laughter from all of us. It just showed how easily we could get sucked back into memories of yesteryear. It seemed as if no matter how many times these guys watched these clips, they were just as fresh and exciting as when they happened years ago._

"1999 is so two years ago," _Edge continued as his tag team partner kept a sturdy grip on the silver trophy._ "And it's not my fault if you've done a big pile of nothing since then. That doesn't give you the right to come out and rain on my parade. And commissioner, I vow to you that I will not 'Billy Gunn' this King of the Ring title. Because Billy, I plan on being entertaining."

"Yeah, you want to be real entertaining?"_ Billy asked scathingly still standing at the top of the ramp._ "How about if I kick your royal ass right here tonight!"

"Sounds good. Commissioner?" _Edge asked the neglected William Regal._

"I suppose that would be alright – yes," _the commissioner answer._

"Great, then I hereby decree that the first act in the Era of Awesomeness will be to totally annihilate Billy Bitchcakes,"_ Edge stated as Christian raised the trophy up over his head._

"_I swear, it was as if you won the thing," I commented to Jay as Adam reached for the remote and flipped the television off. "Hey – we we're still watching that!"_

"_We can finish after dinner," he replied, rising up from the couch and stretching his arms over his head._

"_But I thought we said…"_

_I didn't get to finish my statement as Adam reached down and pulled me up from the couch and up onto his shoulders. I tried to pry myself off, but couldn't over power him. He quickly walked out of the room and headed toward the porch._

"_Adam! Put me…"_

_The rest of my demand was muffled by the sound of chlorinated water hitting my lungs. I quickly struggled to the surface and glared through slightly stinging eyes at my boyfriend standing at the edge of his pool._

"_- down," I finished flatly, brushing some of the wet locks away from my face. Jay and Denise came out onto the porch as well slightly chuckling. I pulled my hands back underneath the water and splashed the three of them before going to the edge and pulling myself out._

"_You can go change and we'll get the burgers started," Adam said as he leaned up against his exercise bike that was a few feet away from the pool._

"_Fine," I muttered softly, smiling slightly at the two who weren't involved in my soaking before reentering the house and heading towards the master bedroom. __I knew that I was dripping all over his carpeting but I didn't care in the least. _

_I smiled to myself thinking about how relaxing the past few days had been as I pushed open Adam's door and entered his room. Sunday was Backlash – the site of my first pay-per-view match which would probably be my last in the company. I had been trying to put the fact that I was leaving the company out of my head. It would do me no good to dwell on things I couldn't or wouldn't be willing to change._

_I slipped off my soaking wet sundress and brought it into the room's bathroom. I laid it on the porcelain bathtub before reaching for a towel to dry myself off. But even when I was dry once again, the chlorine was still affecting my senses. I threw the towel down as well and stripped off the rest of my clothing. I shuffled over to the walkin shower and turned on the water._

_I rested my head against the tiled side of the wall and shut my eyes, letting the warm water run over my skin. I couldn't keep my mind from straying to the fact that a week from now, none of this would be even feasible. I would be in my new apartment in New York and Adam… he would have no clue where to find me. I couldn't believe that I was actually considering doing this to him. After everything that we had been through and how much we had shared, I was just going to desert him._

"_Ah!"_

_I jumped in surprise when I felt something run through my hair. The low rumble of Adam's laughter filled my ears and I opened my eyes, looking over my shoulder. He grinned down at me, placing a light kiss on my lips before bringing his hands back up and into my hair. He massaged my scalp lightly, the distinct smell of my shampoo wafting throughout the confines of the shower. I leaned back and hit his chest, closing my eyes once more._

"_What happened with the grilling?" I asked dreamily, as Adam's fingers were still working wonders and affecting my state of being._

"_Eh, I kicked them out," he mused softly with a smile coming through his words._

"_What?" I asked shocked, spinning around to look him in the eyes. "Weren't we going to…"_

_I didn't get to finish my question as Adam's lips descended upon mine. He brought his still soapy hands to my sides and pulled me as close as he could before letting his arms fall to my waist to keep me secure in his hold. A few moments later, I felt his tongue run across my lips and I was not about to decline. My lips parted and his tongue entered my mouth and swirled around the familiar area. He loosened his hold slightly, but only to cup my ass and press me closer into his own nakedness. _

_My moan of pleasure vibrated throughout both of us. He pushed me slightly so we both were directly under the warm spray of water before detaching our lips. His mouth found my special spot on my neck and lightly sucked on the flesh. My legs were becoming more jelly-like by the minute and if it wasn't for Adam's strong embrace I would have surely hit the tiles. I smiled as he pulled back and looked at me with lust filled eyes, which must have matched my own. He closed in on me once more but this time with something a little more sexual in mind. He…_

"_Nami?"_

* * *

"Nami?"

I turned away from the window to meet the concerned gazes of Danielle and Steven. I was so lost in my own bliss filled thoughts that I hadn't even heard them speaking to me until the noise actually pervaded my own memory.

"We've been trying to get your attention for awhile now," Danielle said with a small smile. "Are you alright?"

I looked at both of them with the biggest smile I could muster on my face. I didn't want to start their visit off on such a sour note, but I couldn't help it when my mind wandered. It happened quite often nowadays as I always had someone from the past on my mind. Danielle gave me a look as if she was waiting for a reply. I sighed gloomily and turned back toward the Italian landscape not giving her an answer, images of Adam still dancing in my head.


	58. Life's A Match In A Gas Tank

A.N. - Normal disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars. This chapter includes lyrics that belong to Avenged Sevenfold as well as Incubus. I don't own those either. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of those who have read, added, and especially reviewed. **HardyxGirl, Farra Sti, Hatter-Zombie.ate.your.brains, Orton Addict, KaraAlissa, x.Cassie, SandraSmit19, RatedRCouture, Medieval Mystic, and BeckiieLisa** - all those huge thanks go doubley for ya'll.

So - it is finally the beginning of the end. No more flashback scenes after this chapter. If some of it seems familar near the end, it is. It was the first present interlude that now must make more sense after so many more chapters. Everything is in the present, but will be written in past tense since it is so much easier to write as well read. Still planning on it taking two chapters. I have most of the dialogue for the next chapter written as I tried to prepare ahead since midterm exams and papers are looming. Once again - thank you to all who have read and I hope you enjoy this next chapter. Peace and Love!!

_

* * *

Tuesday April 24th, 2007  
1:32 AM – Paris, France_

_Tonight was the last show of the company's European tour. It was certainly an interesting show tonight, with Mickie actually winning the Women's Championship. That might be a first for happening at a house show, I am not so sure. I would never claim to know much more than the basics about the business and even there, things are sketchy. Nevertheless, I was able to help her get the win over Melina and we had a huge celebration in the middle of the ring. Our 'excitement' was short lived as Melina enacted her rematch clause later in the night where she got her title back. Still, I doubted that the sell out crowd expected the title change in the first place._

_The card itself was a little odd. Some of the top names on the brand were given the night off because of doing heavy promotional work during the day in Paris. One of these such names was Jeff. I had barely seen him at all today, but didn't want to fight through the throngs of people right now to locate him. Since it was the end of the tour, the full Raw roster along with the crew was piled in the small hotel bar drinking the night away. Well – some of them were, others were a little more sober. I doubted it would last long, not that I blamed them in the least. Adam was pretty tipsy the last I saw of him and that was at least an hour ago._

_I would be in there drinking myself if it wasn't for all the thoughts bearing down on my spirit. So instead, I was sitting right outside of area, listening to all the clamor that was coming from inside. Next week at this time, I would no longer be in the WWE. I would have to forsake all of these newfound friendships and my newfound love life for a job. It was more than a job to me, but at times I couldn't help but see it as just that. I still wasn't the biggest wrestling fan and I certainly wasn't made to do this for a living. But I would be lying if I said I wouldn't miss it._

"_Hey. Why aren't you inside celebrating?"_

_I looked over my shoulder from my seat and shot a lazy smile at my best friend. So much for not seeing him today. He came over and plopped down next to me on the lobby's couch, beer bottle still in hand. The hotel was being pretty lax with the rules tonight. As long as no one ended up hurt and no property destroyed, we pretty much had free reign. I guess no one told them that Randy was sent home so that wasn't likely to happen._

"_Ugh, don't feel much like celebrating tonight," I murmured truthfully, leaning my head lightly on his shoulder. He took another large sip from his bottle before putting it on the small glass table next to him. He wrapped an arm around my still leaning form and took my hand in his._

"_Anything I can help with?" he asked softly as we shimmied to get completely comfortable in each other's hold._

"_Not unless you have a time machine handy," I said truthfully with a small laugh. _

"_You that upset the tour is over?" he asked, not understanding my last statement fully. "I knew you were looking forward to being over here, but damn."_

"_No…" I murmured trying to quiet my chuckling. He really didn't understand; not like he could. "I was thinking about jumping a little further back than this – or actually, maybe moving forward."_

_He moved me slightly so he could look directly into my eyes. I soon found myself spiraling deeper and deeper into his green irises. It was as if they held some power over me that made me static and numb. What was it with green eyes anyway… Adam's eyes caused the same effect. It was like I was helpless. I knew that I would need to find a way to leave without having to face either of these men. I would never be able to leave if that was the case. I turned away from him, not able to stand his intense gaze any longer._

"_I wish I knew where I will be a year from now," I said, knowing from Jeff's gaze that he wanted an answer to my strange query._

"_Nami… look at me," he said quietly. He never used my name unless it was something serious. I closed my eyes, knowing that it was exactly what I was trying to avoid. Nevertheless, I slowly opened my eyes and tilted my head back up to meet his. "Is something going on? You're not sick or anything, are you?"_

"_Heavens no," I said quickly. I had been quite open to him about my mother's death and how the disease was genetic. I was lucky so far and it seemed as if it wasn't passed on, but it didn't stop the worrying on my part."I'm sorry if I made you think anything along those lines. I'm just thinking about how the world – well, my whole world – is coming down around me."_

"_Did Adam do anything…"_

"_I wish it were that simple," I interrupted flatly, looking away from him once more. It always came back to Adam with him. I could understand why, but this time it was internal._

"_Meemz, you're scaring me here," he asked, letting go of the hold on my hand so he could force me to look at him once more. "What's really bothering you?"_

"_I can't really talk about it," I said quietly, pushing away from him and getting up from my seat. "I wish I could, but…"_

"_You can do anything your heart desires, darlin'," he said reassuringly, folding his arms across his chest. Oh, how I wish that was true. "Nothing is holding you back except yourself."_

_Okay, so maybe that was true. I turned away from where he was still seated. I stared at no place in particular trying to figure out what to say to him. If anybody could try and make me feel better about myself, it was Jeff. He always knew the right thing to say. I felt a hand lightly touch my shoulder and knew I needed to say something._

"_Vince told me yesterday that our contract meeting is on Monday," I said quietly._

"_And?" Jeff asked in the same hushed tone directly into my ear. "You're upset because why exactly?"_

"_I don't know…" I started yet my voice dwindled off. What could I say?_

"_If you don't know, then how can it be bothering you?" he asked. I sighed and turned around to look him in the eyes once more._

"_No – I wasn't finished speaking," I clarified with a small smile. It disappeared instantly as I decided that I had to tell him. "I don't know if I am going to sign."_

"_Are you sure nothing happened?" he asked, bringing his hand up to brush the hair away from my eyes._

"_Something did; a long time ago when I started this whole venture," I replied, walking away from him and closer to the large window overlooking a desolate Parisian street. _

"_Does Adam know anything about all of this?" Jeff asked after a few moments of silence, walking to stand behind me once more._

"_No. And I trust you won't tell him," I said, staring directly at his reflection in the glass. "I trust you won't tell anyone for that matter."_

"_Sure – of course," he mumbled, looking away from my form and back toward the loud ruckus coming from the adjacent bar. _

_I looked up into the late night sky and wished that this whole thing was over with. I didn't want any more confusion and hurt. I was finding it harder and harder to enjoy myself when I had judgment day hanging over my head. I would have stayed if I thought I could. But I am not Diva material. This tour definitely solidified it. After wrestling almost every night for the past two weeks, my body was in a constant dull ache. The others might love this life, but I surely did not. I loved them – but not what they did._

"_Anything you need me to say?" Jeff asked after a few moments of silence between us._

"_Convince me to stay?" I offered meekly, getting laughter as a reply. _

"_I can't," he said quietly grasping my hand in his and leaning his chin lightly on my shoulder. "I wish I could."_

"_You don't want me to stay?" I asked softly, causing him to wrap his free arm around my waist._

"_Are you crazy or something?" he asked sarcastically. "You must've fallen on your head pretty hard in your match tonight to think that. I want you to stay – probably more than anyone."_

"_Then, why can't you just say it?" I asked, realizing that my query wasn't that outrageous of a demand._

"_Because… the reason to stay has to come from within you," he responded after taking some time to ponder his own soul. "Besides, words are just that – words."_

"_For someone who writes, that is quite an odd position to take," I replied, even though I knew that this was the same advice that I had already received from another member of the roster. It brought me back to my long talk with John about Melina and my relationship with Jeff. "But I get what you are saying, that words can mean anything, but it is the feeling behind it that matters."_

"_If that is really what I meant, I would have no problem giving you my opinion on the subject," he responded confusing me even more. "I know that you get what I am saying Ms. English Major."_

"_Obviously, I don't," I joked, swiveling around so we were face to face once more._

"_Yes, you do," he said with a huge grin._

_I just shook my head still oblivious as to what he was trying to get at. This was Jeff Hardy I was talking to thus sometimes things weren't as black and white as they might seem to be. Usually it was a totally random outside the box idea that actually in the end did make sense. It was getting to the end that was the colorful and usually frustrating part._

"_You know, it's like the classic idea of word association," he tried to explain, but I still didn't get how it applied. "Okay, let me show you – 'dog'."_

"_Okay, I'm not too sure where you are going with this one babe," I replied with a laugh._

"_Exactly what I said: 'dog'," he said with a serious face. I shrugged my shoulders and looked at him like he had three heads. What exactly did he want from me?_

"_Jeff, I…"_

"_What did you think of when I said it?" he asked with a sigh, trying to explain his theory so I could understand._

"_A dog?" I said sardonically. "Isn't that really obvious?"_

"_Just go with me on this," he said, flashing his bright smile that I could never resist. "See – whenever I hear the generic word 'dog', I think of Jack. And you…"_

" – _think of Lily," I finished for him, finally understanding where he was coming from. My head was hurting, but at least I understood._

"_Same word, same generic meaning, but in essence – a totally different meaning," he finished, relaying his full moral of why he couldn't try and persuade me to stay. Couldn't he have just said that to begin with?_

"_Oh man," I muttered, as my English college coursework was finally catching up with his train of thought. "Flashbacks to theory classes."_

"_Sorry to bring up painful memories, but I just wanted to give you a more concrete answer," he replied as I fell into a light embrace. His strong arms wrapped around my form and I pressed my head deep into his chest. "If I tell you to stay, in whatever way I would say it, it would mean something different to the two of us separately. I would be thinking about how much you have changed my whole re-entering the company experience and how much I have needed you with me through..."_

"_So much for not saying anything," I interrupted, not wanting to hear anymore about all of the things I had done right. There were so many I had done wrong that he didn't even know about and they didn't balance in my eyes._

"_Maybe you should take a walk," he advised, clearly sensing how heavily these thoughts were weighing on me. "Try to clear your head out some?"_

"_Will you come with me?" I asked with a smile, not really feeling in the mood to be alone any longer. And I knew for a fact Adam wouldn't be the best company now._

"_I think that all I've done since I've come out here is jumble you up more, but of course," he remarked, as we linked hands and made our way out of the hotel's lobby._

_We started down the sloping driveway in silence. I was just enjoying being in his company. No words needed to be said as like he advised, I was trying my best to clear many of the lingering thoughts that continued to haunt me. I knew that this wasn't going to do it, but it could definitely soothe me for now. I still had Backlash on Sunday to get through._

"_So – you asked me about a time machine before," Jeff began, after we had been strolling along the sidewalk by our hotel for quite awhile._

"_That I did," I said happily._

"_Well, I have an answer to your question… of where you'll be come one year from now," he responded. I looked over at him with an amused grin on my face._

"_Oh really?" I asked sarcastically. "You a fortune teller now?"_

"_Nah, but I do know – you'll be underneath this same sky, looking up at these same stars… with me," he said softly. Our eyes met and my expression turned soft and emotional as silent tears began to form in the corners of my eyes. "Even if we are on opposite sides of the globe, even if you are in the next hotel room in Adam's arms, or even if you are back home in Jersey living a simpler life. Just look up at the stars and you'll see that not much has changed."_

* * *

Wednesday December 12th, 2007  
6:08 PM – Newark Liberty International Airport, New Jersey

After standing in line at Customs for who knows how long, I was finally free to walk the streets of New Jersey again. Too bad my time was very limited at the moment. I lugged my rolling suitcase behind me as I zigzagged through the businessmen and foreign vacationers in my way. My headphones were blaring the loud angry strains of Avenged Sevenfold's "Almost Easy" right into the core of my consciousness. I just wanted to go back to my apartment and sleep, but I knew that there were other things planned for the day.

"_I feel insane every single time I'm asked to compromise," _I sung softly to myself as I made my way over to the escalators. "_Cause I'm afraid and stuck in my ways and that's the way it stays."_

I pulled my bulky bag on the descending stair behind me and waited impatiently for the escalator to make it to the bottom. Once the short trip down the level was through, I pulled my bag and walked past baggage carousel after baggage carousel looking for my ride. No sign on him anywhere.

"_Shame pulses through my heart from the things I've done to you,"_ I mumbled along with the song, walking out the sliding doors and seeing if I could spot him anywhere. He shouldn't be that hard to find.

I sighed and pulled my sweater closer around my body trying to keep the heat in. After a minute of looking for him on the outside loading area, I figured that I might as well go back inside the airport. There was no sense freezing to death. Even though – that looked like the only way I was going to get out of tonight's event.

"_I've treated you so wrong; now let me make it right…"_

The voice of M. Shadows was pulled from my ear as my headphones came to hang freely by my side. I turned around and glared at the smirking blond I found. He pulled me to him and kissed me lightly on the cheek. I must admit – I had missed seeing him a lot more than I would ever admit.

"I feel like the walking dead," I muttered, stuffing the still resounding earbud headphones into my sweater pocket.

"You look it too," Chris remarked as he grabbed my luggage handle before motioning me over toward a car idling near the crosswalk.

"Gee, thanks," I answered flatly following him slowly from behind. "The plane ride was horrendous. There was this baby that cried the whole way. From Rome to Jersey is quite a long time."

"It happens to the best of us," he replied, smiling as he tossed me a look over his shoulder.

"I didn't get any sleep," I continued ranting, ignoring his comment. "And to top it all off, the line at customs was about _a mile long_. I am going to be so happy when I can just go home and sleep in my small _uncomfortable_ bed."

"Just sleep during the car ride and I'll get you some coffee when we get there," he said flippantly as he popped open the trunk and lugged my bag inside. I walked next to him and placed my carry-on bag inside as well. I grabbed my handbag before he slammed the trunk shut.

"I don't want coffee when I'm just going to go to bed and get some sleep," I reasoned, hoping that if I didn't bring up a certain previous engagement he would forget all about it. I knew that there was a slim to none chance, but I was trying my best.

"I think you have forgotten the reason why I am your taxi service tonight," he answered with a shake of his head. "Either that or you are _hoping _that I forgot."

I sighed while he walked past me and went to open the passenger side door of his rental car. I made my body move my feet and shot him a slight sneer.

"You remind me every day. How could I even fathom forgetting?" I replied sardonically as I plopped down inside on the leather seating. He looked down at me with a weird grin on his face. I knew that he was enjoying this a little too much, but I guess that this was the day that he had been waiting for.

"Exactly. So just stretch out, relax, and I'll have you there as quick as I can," he said as he lightly the shut the door.

I groaned and mumbled to myself while reaching for my seat belt. I clicked the belt shut just as Chris settled in the driver's seat. I wasn't about to relent on my position. Maybe if I bitched and moaned about it enough, he would change his mind.

"Good – then I'll catch a cab up to my place," I said all the while nestling my head into the nice cold windowpane of the side of the car.

"Nami, don't be difficult," he stated drolly. "You agreed to go."

"I did no such thing," I attested, but the harshness was muffled by my overwhelming need to yawn.

"Oh really?" Chris answered, his face lighting up in the process. "I quote – _will you come with me to the show_? See, simple."

"Yeah, but I am pretty sure that there are a few words missing from that statement like: if I decide to attend," I replied, knowing that I still wasn't totally decided on visiting the show the last time we spoke just a day ago.

"Schematics, _schemantics_," he said with a shrug as he shifted the car into drive and finally pulled away from the loading area.

"Even if I wanted to go, I look a mess as you so nicely pointed out earlier and have nothing to wear," I reasoned as I lazily looked over at his still grinning profile. "You would need a crow bar to open up that suitcase, it is packed so tight. And besides, everything is wrinkled and needs to be washed and…"

"You finished making up excuses?" he interrupted with a chuckle, knowing that I was just scrounging for excuses. "What is it with women and clothes anyway?"

"Don't you start," I muttered with a small smile with half lidded eyes. "You're probably worse than me."

"And you don't have to worry about your wardrobe for tonight," he said, motioning his head to the back seat. I swiveled and noticed a plastic garment bag hanging from the hook above the door. "I pulled a dress from your closet this morning."

"You are making me regret ever giving you a key," I mumbled as fished my headphones out of my pocket, blearily looking for the small letters of "L" or "R" on either bud.

I couldn't take anymore of Chris's 'advice'. I realized that there was no way out of this now and I would need to try my best to calm down while I still could. I had missed seeing him in the past months, but still… there were more pressing matters on my heart at the moment.

"You've regretted a lot of things over the past few months," he continued as I lightly placed the first bud in my right ear. It only partially blocked out the rest of his counseling. "Don't let this be another one."

"Whatever," I muttered in response, gingerly taking the left bud and bringing it up to my ear as I shut my eyes.

"I'll wake you when we get…"

" – _in this boat alone. Floating down a river named emotion – will I make it back to shore or drift into the unknown?"_

The calming tone of Brandon Boyd's voice flowed through my consciousness and calmed my rampant heartbeat immediately. I was happy that I had left my shuffle mode on my MP3 player as I doubted any song from Avenged Sevenfold's new album could soothe me the way "Aqueous Transmission" would. Talk about a total Zen song – and just what I needed to forget about my up incoming adventure.

"_Further down the river…"_

I mean who did Chris think he was anyway? He should have known that I would have second thoughts about this whole thing. I didn't just come back to the States because of this show tonight no matter what a certain someone next to me thought. I was getting very homesick. After my friends bittersweet Thanksgiving visit, it was harder and harder to stay away from my life back home. It reminded me about my times on the road with the WWE. Well… sort of. At least then I had a few certain some ones who always made me feel like home even when we were in different cities every night.

"_I'm building an antenna. Transmissions will be sent when I am through."_

I felt the wave of drowsiness crash over me and it was harder and harder to keep awake. I wanted to try and put together a game plan for the night's event, but everything was turning into a dream like haze. Brandon's words began to metamorphose into images that just so happened to be of the people I left behind once upon a time.

"_Maybe we could meet again further down the river; and share what we both discovered then revel in the view."_

…Zzz…Zzz…Zzz…Zzz…

"Rise and shine."

I groaned and blinked open my eyes. Chris grinned at me waving my still audible headphones in his hand. I reached down into my pocket and turned the music off. He handed them to me before unbuckling his seatbelt. I shoved them in my pocket once more, forcing back all of the scathing comments I wanted to say. I looked out the window and groaned knowing who was inside at this very moment.

"Don't make me go," I mumbled with a pout.

"That look might work on me from my son, but not for you," he joked as he opened his door. "I'm not Adam."

Just hearing his name made reality really sink in and I banged my head back against the headrest. I made up my mind, as Chris exited the car, that I was not going to leave my seat. What would he do – carry me out and into the auditorium? He wouldn't dare… no, he probably would.

"And for that matter, I'm not letting you waste this opportunity," he said leaning back inside and unbuckling my belt for good measure. "Come on – you don't have much time."

He straightened back up and shut the door a little more loudly than I would have liked. I watched as he opened up the other door on his side so he could pull out my outfit for the night. I grumbled once more before opening my own door and stepping out into the cold New York City winter breeze.

"Does anybody know that I am here?" I asked quietly as I shut my door hesitantly.

"Nope," Chris answered with a smile, locking the doors. "And in case you are forgetting, it's not like I was invited either."

I nodded my head and walked slowly toward him. He reached out to me with his free arm and wrapped it around my shoulder. He kissed me lightly on the temple before we proceeded to leisurely walk side by side toward the backdoor of the loading area of Studio D at Chelsea Piers. I leaned my head lightly on his shoulder trying to think of anything but where I was headed to. And when we finally made it close to the building, I was feeling that there was still a lingering hope that things would be alright as two security guards headed our way.

"This is a secure area," the bigger of the two guards said gruffly. "I'm going to have to ask you two to leave the premises immediately."

"Um, yeah," I mumbled smiling slightly before turning my attention to my companion. "You see, Chris? We can't get in."

He flashed me a sarcastic grin as he let go of his hold on me. He used his now free hand to reach up and pull the sunglasses away from his eyes.

"Time to go back to the car and…"

"Hey! You're Chris Jericho," the other guard answered before I could finish my declaration. Damn, I knew that was coming. He beamed down at me with a triumphant smirk before turning toward the two men.

"That I am," he said with a smile, while I shook my head from side to side walking a few paces away. "And this slightly trembling mess next to me is Nami Shepherd, author of the book that is being discussed tonight."

"Well, I'll be," the first guard said as he regarded me curiously, before peering down at a clipboard in his hands. "Neither of your names are on my list. I can't believe Tony would make such a big mistake."

"I wouldn't take it all out on him as no one knew that we would be coming," Chris reasoned as the two guards softly whispered amongst themselves. "It was meant to be a surprise."

"And that it will be," the first one said definitively. I groaned silently to myself as he began scribbling on his board. He pulled off a slip of paper and handed it to Chris, a smile plastered on his face. "Here you are. Oh and by the way, good luck on Sunday."

"Thanks," he said with a grin, slightly waving at both of the men before turning to me. "Let's go."

"Yeah, thanks," I grumbled as I walked by. They both shot me curious glances, but I just followed Chris inside the building.

We entered the foyer area and were immediately greeted with all eyes turning to us. Luckily, they were all the stagehands or backstage tech workers for the night's show. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was already after eight. That meant that the show was already in progress. Now I knew it would have to be a total surprise as there was no chance of me trying to at least catch Randy before it was in front of the cameras.

"And who are…" An older woman asked as she closely surveyed us two newcomers.

"Yes, hi," Chris said, handing her the paper that the guards had authorized. "We're in a little bit of a rush. Name's Chris Irvine – nice to meet you. This is my friend, Nami – author of 'Confessions of a WWE Diva'."

"Oh my," she uttered with a slight smile. She looked down at a packet of papers in her hand and was about to speak yet Chris hastily halted her.

"Yeah, last minute addition that no one knows about," he replied, knowing that we didn't have much time and he was counting on this to work. "So if you could be a dear and point us in the direction of the wardrobe or makeup department?"

"Of course," she said, initialing the paper before handing it back to my blond companion. "Go through the first double doors on your right and it will be the third door on the left hand side."

"Thank you," he replied, grabbing my hand to pull me behind him. He took off hastily toward the new area, throwing open the doors to the hallway and leading me inside.

"I am not a child and this is so not relaxing," I muttered, pulling out of his grasp and walking once again at his side.

"You just try and relax," Chris said with a chuckle. "I'm here for you."

"You're not the most comforting influence on my psyche right now," I complained as we made it to the makeup department quicker than I would have liked.

The door was already open and he ushered me inside. The four or five stylists turned to look at us. Chris walked up to a few to explain our situation. I looked around and tried to grasp that all of this was really happening. The studio itself looked more like a place that you would actually film scripted television shows at. And looking at a few of the pictures and posters around the room, I figured that that was the main use for the building. Probably since this thing was so last minute, this was the only large available place. Hey – I wasn't complaining… I didn't even really want all of this fuss to begin with.

"Don't wander too far when you're done," Chris whispered in my ear when he returned to my side. He handed me the garment bag that was still in his possession and headed toward the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked hurriedly, scared that he was going to leave me alone in this. He had promised he wouldn't, but then again – did I really expect him to keep holding my hand?

"Just go get ready," he said with a reassuring smile.

I was about to enquire some more, but he raised his hand to still my voice. He nodded his head over toward the stylists, turned around, and left the room. I groaned inwardly before plastering on a fake smile and heading over in their direction.

"He is so infuriating," I mumbled as I looked down at the garment bag in my hand.

They nodded politely and ushered me over to a curtain where I could change in private. Light conversation resumed as I slowly slipped out of my comfortable jeans and sweater. I unzipped the bag and stared in at the dress that Chris had chosen. Immediately when I saw the iridescent purple fabric, I wished that I had something else to wear. It was the dress that I had worn to the post Wrestlemania birthday party for Randy. Of course, some of the best moments of that night were long after the dress was nothing more than a crumbled piece of fabric on the hotel room floor.

I slipped into the strapless knee length dress and made sure that everything was straight. I looked down and noticed that the formal dress didn't really go all that well with my black Chuck Taylors. I bent down and quickly pulled the sneakers from my feet. I hurriedly shoved my discarded clothes and sneakers into the bag and zipped it up. I awkwardly hung it on a provided hook and walked back to the other side.

"Very nice," one of the stylists commented.

"Um, thanks," I said nervously, shifting slightly on my cold bare feet. "I'm going to have to go back out to my friend's car. I sort of need some appropriate shoes."

"No need for that," another of the stylists said dismissively. "I'll just run over to wardrobe and pull something for you. What size?"

"Probably around an eight," I muttered as I was gestured to sit down in one of the many makeup stations.

"Alright," she said with a nod and quickly left the room.

"Name's Brandi," the original woman I had spoken to said as she picked up a hairbrush off of the table.

"Nami," I murmured with a small smile.

"You look pretty frazzled," she commented, lightly running the brush through my hair.

"I just got off of a plane from Rome and now I am expected to go out in front of people I haven't seen in months," I muttered in a slightly bitter tone, not directed at her but more about my situation. "Frazzled – I would say so."

"Oh well, just sit back and relax," she commented as she put down the brush to pump some styling mousse into her hands. If _that_ didn't sound like it came directly from Chris's mouth. A few of her colleagues came over and plugged in a small monitor to a few cables. I didn't think much of it and continued my conversation with Brandi.

"That's not very likely," I muttered with a forced chuckle. And then I realized what the others had done when a certain Canadian's voice pervaded my ears.

"_Honestly_? It was a shock."

"No, not likely at all," I grumbled as they stood back and revealed the fully functioning monitor showing the event that was taking place only a few yards away.

"I don't know if any of us expected… or if any of us had even the slightest clue," Adam continued as if he was struggling to put his feelings into words. I looked away from my own reflection and concentrated on his image on the screen. His damn sunglasses were blocking his eyes from my view, but nevertheless, it was overwhelming to see him in a non-Edge setting after so much time. The last few times I had seen him were when he had his tongue down Vickie Guerrero's throat. So anything was easier to watch than that. "But after finding out, it certainly filled in a lot of gaps that were noticeably there on recollection."

"I sort of knew something was up," Randy said as soon as Adam had finished speaking. The camera quickly cut to the Legend Killer. I just prayed that maybe I would have one friend on the panel. "Like Edge said earlier, she was different from the very beginning. We have all been around other Diva Searches from the past and there was always something… well, something _unique_ about her approach to it all."

"Yeah, but it could have also been that this time the contestants had to train," John imputed, interrupting his friend. The view switched to show both Randy and John, who were seated next to each other on the stage. I smiled slightly at the black sling that was encasing his arm – not because of his injury, but because I had remembered Randy telling me that he barely ever wore it. I was sure that Vince made him put it on in front of the cameras to remind the audience that he was really injured and not ready to make his return. "Just to set the record straight, the Diva Search that is written about here is_ very different_ than the procedure from the past. Whether it was for the better has really yet to be seen. I know a few of the other girls who didn't win are still training, but… yeah."

"Getting back to Nami – she was _always_ training, even after the contest was over," the TNA representative on the panel imparted. The camera once again flipped over to the other side of the stage where Jay was seated next to Adam. "I think what shocked me the most about the whole thing was that she actually found time to write it."

"Man, she always had her nose buried in her journal though," Randy said. I noticed that the cameraman was having a hard time keeping up with all of the rapid fire changes in discussion. Yet finally the focus was on the WWE Champion once more. "The first time I met her she was scribbling away in it which is even referenced in one of the first entries. I do remember another time when the two of us were at an airport. I took it from her and damn did she get uptight – grabbed the thing right out of my hands."

"She did write in it a lot, but it wasn't all consuming," Adam clarified. I smiled slightly at his light tone and thought that maybe tonight would go alright after all. Maybe I was just overreacting as per usual. "I just read a review on her book that questioned the authenticity of it as they believed that there was no way that we couldn't have known what she was up to. Well let me tell you, _we didn't_. I mean, I think all of us have had at least one road journal in our time with the company. I know I have at least a half dozen of them on a shelf somewhere."

"I've never kept a journal," the sound of Randy's voice interrupted Adam's claim.

"How am I not surprised?" John imparted sarcastically as the camera returned to the shot of the best friend pair. "You don't need to write down your feelings. You make them known vocally and quite clearly."

"Yeah, it's not like you have ever needed any type of filter," Jay interrupted once again as the audience tried to quiet their laughter from John's earlier quip. I had totally forgotten for a moment that there was even a live audience as it was so quiet. Butterflies began to flutter once again inside my stomach. How would _they_ react to my arrival?

"I think we are getting off track here," Randy continued before the view could switch to Jay. "Nam kept a journal. _Whoop-dee-do_."

"Man, you just said that we all should've known she was hiding something from us because she kept one. And now – it's no big deal?"

I smiled brightly at the southern drawl that questioned Randy's logic. The camera panned over to Jeff, sitting slightly timidly in his seat. He was probably feeling like I did – that this whole show wasn't really needed. Yet nonetheless I was happy he was here… I just hoped that he would still be on my side of things. I believed deep in my heart that he would be. After all, I did honestly consider him my soulmate.

"I didn't say it wasn't a big deal," Randy responded. The camera pulled all the way back to show all five occupants of the stage. On the screen – from left to right – the order was Adam, Jay, Jeff, John, and then Randy. Hopefully, I could stay on the right side of the stage when I went out in front of the cameras. "It's just not the focal point anymore. Come on – have you even read the thing?"

"Of course I've read it," Jeff retorted.

"We've all read it bro," John added with a chuckle.

I looked away from the screen as Brandi started to apply my makeup. I noticed that I was so involved in watching the broadcast that I hadn't noticed her work on my hair. I couldn't believe how well it looked considering what she had to work with. No one would believe the day I had today if she did the same work on my facial features.

"The point I am trying to make is… I don't see anything wrong with it," Randy reasoned, causing me to break into a huge smile. He _was_ on my side. "The way she went about it – maybe not the brightest or most agreeable way to do it, but still…"

"I don't think any of us think her book was a bad view of what happened," Jay took over as Randy trailed off. "It pretty much was verbatim to what transpired during her stay just from her personal point of view."

"If anything, if you are a part of what is discussed in her book – which all of us are – it helps figure out what she was really thinking," Jeff said as firm as his voice would let him sound. "I doubt I am the only one up here who thinks that Meemz, I mean _Nami_ , wasn't the easiest person to figure out."

I smiled at hearing my old nickname for the first time since I left. He fumbled with his fingers nervously showing that this whole live interview setup wasn't the most comfortable for him. Or maybe it was the subject matter that was being discussed. Either way, I couldn't fault him in the least. I had missed him greatly over the past few months.

There were grumbled agreements to Jeff's statement. The camera panned over each of the panelists and I was happy to see that no one was too argumentative over anything so far. I had missed a good portion of the show already, but it seemed like things were running smoothly.

"So what now? Has anyone spoken to her since her last day in the company?" the moderator said. They showed the man on screen, but I couldn't recognize him. Probably a CW news personality or something along those lines.

"That's a laugh," Adam answered immediately with a bitter chuckle.

"You have though," Jay shot right back.

"Yeah, two weeks after she left," he explained with a slight nod. "It was right after I cashed in the Money in the Bank contract to beat the Undertaker for the belt."

Before Adam could continue speaking, the crowd in attendance heavily booed his comment about the title change. He turned to look directly at them and smirked slightly. I couldn't fight the smile that formed on my face. I turned my attention slightly to Brandi next to me when she quickly asked me to shut my eyes so the makeup could be applied.

"Yeah well – we talked," Adam went on as I continued to listen as Brandi finished up the makeup on my eyes. "Not much was said, but I could tell something was up."

"Which brings up another question: do any of you harbor ill feelings toward her?" the moderator posed and I had to fight my eyes to stay shut to allow Brandi to finish her work. "Whether it is for all the trust issues we've discussed already or the fact that a lot of your private life is now documented in text?"

"We live in a very public business to begin with," Randy quickly said before any of the others could jump in. I was very grateful for that fact. "Anything that she said about me isn't that hard to believe or hard to find out from other sources. What I am trying to say is, she wrote me _as I am_ – just like she did for the rest of them. Sure there were personal feelings involved; just read the sappy dedication and you'll get a clear idea of what I mean. But honestly, I have no problems about what she did. Maybe I did at first, but now… I'm over it."

"All finished," Brandi commented. I opened my eyes once more and was quite grateful at the reflection I saw.

"Thank you," I said as I gently ran my fingers through my hair and stood from my seat.

"I hope these are alright?"

I turned and saw a pair of black wedge sandals being held out in my direction. I smiled, nodded, and sat back down to put them on. I continued to scarcely listen to what was being said. I heard Randy continue to try and defend what I did, but I doubted he could come up with an excuse. I certainly didn't have one besides the fact that I didn't belong there to begin with and it was always my job. I gave him credit for trying though.

Once my shoes were securely buckled, I stood up and thanked the staff once more. I knew Chris told me not to wander, but I wanted to try and figure out what I was about to do. I shot one last look at the monitor to see that it had gone to a commercial. Taking this as the perfect opportunity, I quickly said my goodbyes and left the room. There was only one problem – I had no clue where I was.

I looked around the large hallway and tried to figure out where to go. No one was present at the time, a notion that I found pretty odd. I noticed that the door directly across the hallway was slightly ajar. I walked across the way the knocked lightly on the door. There was no response so peered in slightly. Well – I found the laundry room. A laundry room… really? I remembered that this studio was used for television series so it made a little more sense.

I turned around and tried to figure out where my next destination would be. I knew that I could always go back and ask Brandi or one of the others, but I didn't want to seem like I was totally out of place. Which brought up the point of how Chris was able to find his way around this place? Or maybe he was just as lost as I was. I turned to my left and went to the next door. Through the glass window, I could tell it led to another smaller hallway. Not another venture I wanted to undertake. I decided that the best course of action would be to go back to where we entered… if I could only remember which way that was.

After looking around the environment for a good minute, I noticed the double doors that we had entered. I smiled and hastily went over and threw them open.

"Right this way, Mr. McMahon."

Boy, did I have horrible timing. I quickly shut the door and walked back into the empty hallway. I leant against the nearby wall as I now knew where I needed to head. But it wasn't like I could go out there right now. Chris had said that Vince was going to be present. I could only hope that he wouldn't be around backstage as I waited to go on.

After a few moments of cautiously hiding, I walked back over to the door and opened it slightly. No sign of Vince, so I slowly opened the door and stepped back into the original foyer. There were a few people milling about, but not as many as when Chris and I had arrived. I did however see the woman who had greeted us.

"Excuse me," I said, walking over to her. "I seem to have lost my friend somewhere in this place."

"Mr. Irvine?" she asked which got a nod in response. "Oh, he is around here somewhere. You could check near the wings of the stage."

"Great – thanks," I said with a smile as I turned to leave. But then it struck me that I had no idea where the stage was. I could hear loud applause and cheers reverberate through the walls and knew that it must be nearby. Nevertheless, I turned back towards her with a sheepish smile. "Um… and where would that be exactly?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said with an apologetic smile. She used her hands to turn me in the direction that I was to go. "Turn to your left and you will see large stage doors to your right. They will be marked Studio E. Go through them and it will bring you to the modified backstage area."

"Thank you," I murmured before slowly walking toward the area.

When I reached the large doors, I began to have second thoughts. Could they really be called second thoughts… they were more on the line of second hundred thoughts. I heard the crowd erupt in laughter from the other side of the wall and shrunk back. I looked down at my feet and was reminded of all the work that had been put into getting me here today. From Chris, to the whole staff here, to even myself – I couldn't turn back now.

I carefully pushed the huge, heavy door open. On the other side was a large studio. I couldn't believe that this was the backstage area for tonight's show as it seemed like it could have hosted it to begin with. I looked around and noticed an area a few yards to my right. It was where most of the backstage workers were as the soundboard and other technological devices were in use. There was also the curtain and supposed exit to the stage.

I walked over near the area and stopped when I saw the monitor. Vince was talking now. I guess he was an after commercial break addition to the panel. _Just wonderful._ I glazed at the monitor, but my thoughts began to drift to how I got in this whole mess. That damn Diva Search! Sometimes I wished I had never won... or better yet even entered. My life would have been so much different if I didn't.

"Coffee?"

Chris's voice broke me from my memories and I turned to face him. He silently appraised my newly made up look with a big smile.

"You _do_ realize that this is probably not the best time," I said with a chuckle, but still took the Styrofoam cup that he held out for me. He brought his own up to his lips and took a sip before turning to look at the monitor.

"Vince is talking. It'll be awhile," he joked, taking another sip gesturing for me to do the same.

I sure could've used the caffeine, but knew that it would just make my nerves more rattled than they already were. I looked down at the liquid and swirled the cup with my hand. I had been doing a lot of thinking the past few days and I realized that there were a few things that I never had asked Chris. We had been friends for months, had countless conversations, and yet some things remained unspoken.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked softly, still staring at my blurry, dark reflection in the coffee.

"You just did," he quipped with a chuckle. I looked up and shot him an irritated look.

"Seriously… when you found out about all this, how did you feel about it?" I asked somberly. He gave me a pensive look, as if he couldn't understand where these thoughts were coming from. He ended up just shrugging and walking over to stand right next to me, leaning up against the wall.

"Honestly? I thought it was hilarious," he said with a smile. I couldn't tell if he was just telling me what I wanted to hear or was being serious. "Under their noses the whole time and no one knew. You must've been sneaky. I sometimes wished I was there just to see it… see if I could have figured it out."

I doubted if Chris would have been able to. Adam and I were attached at the hip for quite some time and he didn't suspect anything. Well, I am sure he did, but he never acted out on his suspicions. And then there was Jeff. I pretty much told him that my time would probably be limited, but he never pushed for information. He kept saying that things would happen the way they were meant to.

"Speaking of which… how _would_ you have felt if you were still there?" I asked him as I reached over to set my cup on the nearby script table. He shot me a confused look so I decided to clarify. "If we had become friends during that time?"

"Can't really say," he said glibly, running his hand through his hair.

I shoved him slightly before turning around to look at the monitor next to me. Vince was _still _talking about something or other… couldn't really pick up all the details. I could feel Chris's gaze resting on my back and sighed lightly.

"You're no help," I muttered, smiling slightly.

He was a lot more help than I ever would have dreamed. Without him, none of this would have been possible. I would have been too much of a wreck. I felt his hand grasp my shoulder lightly. I turned around and met his soft gaze.

"Let me tell you a story," he began causing my eyes to roll. Chris's stories were never short even if they could be. He had a knack for elongating anything and making it sound more impressive than it actually was. "Hey! I am trying to be helpful here. Sheesh… anyway, this story stars a tall, blond, Canadian and a short, bookish, brunette."

"I am not _bookish_," I mumbled with a slight grin. He broke out in one of his own while laughing slightly.

"Who says that the story is about you? Someone is a_ little_ egotistical," he said sarcastically. "Anyway, these two people met one day when the sexy Canadian had a meeting with his publisher. They locked eyes and immediately the woman knew that she had been found out. After all of the months of hiding, in one glance, her world crumbled. Yet the handsome man had no intentions of revealing her secret. He found it… _ballsy_ that someone would subject themselves to that lifestyle for anything other than wrestling."

Did I mention that Chris's stories also usually liked to point out the obvious? I had to fight my demeanor from showing my tedium during his tale. I had lived it and really didn't need a recap. I spent enough of my time living in the past.

"Does this story have a point?" I asked laughing.

"A little impatient, are we?" he asked grinning. I nodded, happy that he was at least taking my mind off of what was happening a few feet to my left. "Yes… there is a point. From the moment that we met, I mean really met not just that awkward stare thing we had going for a while, I knew that you were the girl that I had heard about. You may think that you deceived everyone to such an extent that you can't repair things. But I think you're wrong."

Maybe he thought I was, but the more I continued to run down all of the scenarios I wasn't so sure. Randy was one thing. He and I ended on a good note, but we weren't as close as some of the others. Of course there was Adam who would be at the top of the 'Screwed Over By Nami' list. But then there was Jeff… and Jay… and the list went on. Those three were at the top though: the love of my life, my soul mate, and my voice of reason.

"Actually, I _know _you're wrong," he said, seeing my change in outward emotion. He pulled me to him and I quickly buried my face into the crook of his neck. This was becoming all too real. My mind was on overload from all the ideas that were swimming inside.

"That makes _one _of us," I mumbled as I pulled back slightly. He looked down at me with a faux pout, causing a small laugh to escape my mouth. He smiled once again, accomplishing his goal of getting me to smile once more.

"Ms. Shepherd, you have thirty seconds."

I didn't even know that I was all ready cued to go on. I figured that Chris had sorted it all out with the tech workers while I was in wardrobe. I turned toward the worker with a slight frown on my face. I might have been physically here, but I still didn't believe I was emotionally ready. But on the flipside, were my five friends on the other side of the curtain ready for this as well?

"You ready?" Chris asked lightly from behind me.

"Ha," I said, turning back to him with the same frown on my face. He pulled me toward him and back into arms. I didn't fight it. I needed the comfort. "No – I'm thinking that I made a big mistake by coming here."

"No one is expecting you," he commented with a reassuring grin. "They'll be too surprised to do anything."

I guess he was right. Hachette had told the producers of this show that I was away in Europe working on my next story and I was pretty sure that that information was relayed to the panel on stage. There was another lie to add to the long list.

"You better go," he muttered, pressing a chaste kiss to the top of my head.

I pulled back tried to smile. I doubt it made it to my lips though. I was too petrified. I turned around and walked back toward the curtain. As soon as I arrived however, I turned back around and looked at my friend.

"Hey Chris – thanks," I said with a slight smile.

"No need to thank me," he said, leaning up against the wall once more. "It's been fun."

"That's a laugh," I muttered, turning back around toward my impending fate.

"Anytime you're ready miss, I'll cue up the music," the sound worker said from behind his machinery.

I looked over at him and panicked. I was about to nod, but couldn't get my motor skills to function. All of the confidence was draining from my body by the second and a certain blond Canadian behind me noticed. And after a few moments of total fright, even after my horrible attempt of fleeing the scene, I was standing by the curtain once more. I got as far as the fire escape before Chris was able to coax me back in.

And there he was now – on the stage giving me one hell of an introduction. Vince had left the panel while I was on my little escape attempt, so I only had to meet up with my five friends on stage. I still couldn't silence all of my nerves, but that would have taken a miracle. This was the most stressful yet significant thing I had ever done in my short twenty-four years of life. I needed to try and make things right. For my own sanity, I needed to.

"But more importantly, she is a tried and true Jerichoholic who is ready to make her own second coming right here tonight," Chris's voice boomed from the stage right through the black curtain. "Ladies and gentlemen… Nami Shepherd."

The beginning strains of my Titantron mix of Splashdown's "Karma Slave" began to play throughout the studio. I took a deep breath and knew that it was the time I had been dreading yet waiting for. I closed my eyes, said a few words to the heavens to give me strength, and stepped through the black fabric.

The lights blinded my eyes as I peered out into the audience. It was a pretty large crowd causing a small smile to form on my face. I turned my head slightly and met Chris's eyes. I was still refusing to look at the other five panelists on stage. He closed the gap between us and pulled me into an embrace.

"You can do this Nam," he whispered in my ear, pulling back to kiss my temple softly. "I'm proud of you for getting this far."

"Thanks dad," I muttered jokingly, pulling back with a smile on my face.

He smirked back at me before letting go of my hand and lightly pushing me on my way. It was time for the training wheels to come off. I couldn't hide behind Chris any longer. I turned to my right and was immediately caught in the intense gaze of the Legend Killer himself. His fierce look softened as he gestured me over. I smiled and let myself fall into his strong embrace.

"This is certainly a surprise," he whispered in my ear. "I didn't think you were going to show."

"That makes two of us," I murmured to him, pulling back to look into his eyes.

He leaned down and gave me a small kiss on the cheek, causing the crowd to react wildly. He shot them a smirk before letting go of my hands and moving out of the way so my gaze fell on the next person in line. Another pair of blue eyes shined directly at mine. His smile made his adorable dimples show and I fought the urge to embrace him as well. The only thing stopping me was the black sling that was looming across his shoulder.

"What? He gets a hug and I don't?" John joked loudly, causing laughter to ring out throughout the hall. I smiled timidly at him before gesturing to his arm.

"I don't want to hurt you," I murmured with a small smile. He shook his head grinning before outstretching his one free arm.

"Come 'ere," he stated in a firm yet amiable tone.

I closed the small gap between us and wrapped my arms lightly around his neck. Just as Randy had done before him, he lightly kissed the other cheek. I chuckled lightly and beamed up at him. He was the first one whose reaction I wasn't sure about. Randy was always a wild card, but after what I heard earlier and from our experience in London, I was pretty sure he would live up to his word. He had and it looked like all was forgiven on this front as well.

I detangled my arms from his and he stepped out of the way, winking at me with a smile still on his face. I was expecting next see the intense green eyes of my best friend. Yet instead I was met with the small grin of the Instant Classic. I didn't know how he skipped in line, but honestly it didn't matter. I would have to face them all eventually. He reached out and lightly pulled me to him. I chuckled as I brought my arms around his form as. That was three down, only the hardest two to go.

"You are certainly a sight for sore eyes," Jay murmured, leaning back to look in my eyes.

"Right back at'cha," I grinned before turning more serious. "I am so sorry. I couldn't…"

"I know," he responded with a nod and a shrug.

I knew that it was a little deeper than that, but this wasn't the time for those discussions. He gave me a quick peck on the lips before moving back to his chair. Only two left… I had to keep telling myself that there were only two left.

I looked over and was immediately met with two pairs of green eyes. Adam's glasses were clenched tightly in his palm – his eyes now in plain view to everyone. Both pairs of eyes seemed to penetrate my spirit and glued me to the position I was standing in. I couldn't breathe… couldn't _think_.

All I could see was liquid green emotion.


	59. Just Undo Yourself & See The Second Sun

_A.N. - I don't own the WWE and its Superstars... or "entertainers"... or whatever the hell they are called now. Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, and added. **RatedRCouture, Medieval Mystic, HardyxGirl, Enigmatic Lotus Leaf, Kristen, unlimited emerald0307, SandraSmit19, xCassie , Lisa-Beckiie, KaraAlissa, Hatter-Zombie, purplefeather21, reb, Farra Sti, Orton Addict, and mcxhardyxgirl** - you guys have made this chapter possible and I thank you!!!_

_So we are nearing the close of the story. Only one more chapter after this. I don't know what will happen after the story comes to a close. Some people have asked if there will be a sequel to this and I honestly don't know. I am quite proud of the way the story has turned out and will only do a sequel if it will live up to the standards of this story... and if I can come up with an interesting plot. That being said, I am looking forward to writing much more after the story's completetion which I promise will be coming in a week or two. No month delay like this chapter. If anyone has a request for a story or an idea that they would like to see written, feel free to ask. After this huge undertaking of a story, I could use a little inspiration to get me going on another. Peace and Love!!_

* * *

Wednesday December 12th, 2007  
9:11 PM – Chelsea Pier: Studio D, New York

"Adam, wait! Let me try and explain!"

Like there was any chance of _that _happening and for once, it wasn't of my own accord. After the very rigid and forced segment that all of us were subjected to underneath the bright lights of the live television cameras, I wanted to try and reason with Adam on a personal level. We had all piled off the stage as soon as the cameras stopped rolling. I had to talk with Vince about some professional things, but now was free to try and make amends with the people that I truly cared about.

I had been directed to one end of the building and was happy to find all of my former friends still in attendance. Yet as soon as Adam saw me coming, he tried to bolt out the back door. My plea halted him, but also caused him to turn on me in outright scathing anger.

"This whole time," he muttered through clenched teeth. His attention turned quickly from me to Chris. "The whole fucking time!"

"Look – this isn't Chris's fault," I said, stepping in to defend the only person I could count on in this group to back me up one hundred and fifty percent. The others seemed civil out on the stage, but things might have changed since the cameras weren't rolling.

"Damn right it's not," Chris mumbled with a smile.

"She was the 'friend', wasn't she?" Adam asked in a sarcastically blithe tone.

Before Chris could respond, Randy turned to me with a pensive expression on his face. And I pretty much knew what he was going to ask before the words came tumbling from his mouth.

"He was your 'inside source'?"

Yeah, that was exactly what I thought it was. I saw both Adam and Chris turn to us in total confusion while the other three looked on trying to take everything in.

"Huh?" Chris and Adam muttered simultaneously.

"God, this is even more confusing than I thought it would be," I said, rumbling my temples that were beginning to pulse.

"Told you this would happen," Chris said with a smile even though his tone stayed serious. "Tangled webs always have a way of becoming... well, becoming _more tangled_."

Adam sighed noisily as he looked between myself and Chris. He threw his hands up in the air, as if he was contemplating what to say next. I glanced over at Randy and give him a small smile, but that just gave him the opportunity to open his big mouth once again.

"We saw each other in England a few months ago," Randy declared to no one in particular.

"What?" the congregation of men exclaimed. I looked over at Randy, imploring him with my eyes to not say anything else. I was already digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole I couldn't get out of.

"She swore me to secrecy," Randy said, shrugging.

Chris walked over to stand right next to me, knowing that it would be the only way to get my attention. My mind was too jumbled to make sense of all that was going on. I just wanted to blame it on the lack of sleep, but knew that it was much more. I was thinking about all the ways I could try and get out of this. And realization was beginning to dawn on me that that might not be that possible without losing a few friends along the way.

"Why didn't you tell me about…"

"I don't have to tell you everything about my life," I interrupted in an irritated tone, turning to look directly into his eyes. He nodded his head in understanding, but I could see that it still affected him – knowing that not even_ he_ was totally clued.

"Alright, let's try and get some of this shit straight before my head explodes," Adam ranted, making my attention turn back toward him once again. His gaze pierced my soul as he shook his head in disappointment and what I thought was outright condemnation. I hoped that I was wrong about that, but part of me was actually glad. Maybe he actually had moved on; now I just needed to do the same. "Chris and Nami know each other from Hachette. Nami and Randy saw each other on tour. Anyone else have something to add?"

The group fell silent. I knew that Chris had a few things that he could add. I looked over toward him and shook my head, pleading with him to stay quiet (even though if Randy's behavior was any indication, this was probably not the best course of events). I needed to try and talk with Adam first before he knew _everything_ that had transpired over the past months. Chris mouthed the word 'sorry' before turning toward Adam once more.

"She was at the café before the Yankee game a few months ago."

I was happy that I was looking nowhere near Adam's direction. My gaze was focused on the side of Chris's face. I closed my eyes briefly and swore under my breath. I thought that things were just continuing to get worse for me until I looked beyond Chris and saw an amused expression of the other Canadian in the group.

"Where?" Jay asked with a slight smile, turning to hold my gaze.

"Underneath the table," I said pensively with a small apologetic smile.

"That's fucking hilarious," Randy said, unable to control his laughter (even after John whacked him on the shoulder with his good arm to be quiet).

I looked on at the scene with a smile on my lips. I missed them all so much. It was weird being in their company once again, yet I still felt like I could fit. But I was having lingering doubts if I ever could go back and if I wanted to go back. I honestly didn't know if it was what I truly wanted in the first place. This confusion and aggravation was proof enough. These thoughts only intensified when I felt my arm being tugged so I was whipped around in the opposing direction.

"And the day at _your _apartment?" Adam asked scornfully, his hand holding my arm in a painful vice grip.

I didn't answer right away. I just stared at the metamorphosis that had taken place in a matter of fifteen minutes. I knew that he was mad the moment I stepped out onto the stage and caught his eye. This was beyond that however. This was unlike anything I had ever experienced from him.

"Behind the couch," I squeaked out causing him to finally relinquish his hold. I stumbled back slightly rubbing the now reddening skin on my forearm.

"Can I say something?" John imparted, coming to stand in the center of the group. I knew that he meant well, but I was too bruised and broken to want any help. Everything was becoming increasingly bothersome by the second.

"No!" replied pretty much the whole group – everyone besides Jeff to be exact.

"Wow – I know when I'm not wanted," John mumbled mockingly before stepping back to his original leaning position off to the side.

"Fuck! I need to get out of here," Adam replied as he once again tried to make a break for it. And against my better judgment, I decided to stop him once more. I wanted to try one more time… really put in a good effort even though I was seriously doubting that anything I said would change the hatred I saw in his eyes.

"Wait! I really think that we should…"

"Don't even think about finishing that sentence," he interrupted me, not even bothering to turn around and face me this time. "We had all the time in the world to talk. And _you_ made it so the first time I got to see you in months had to be in front of millions of people."

"I wasn't the one who planned this whole program," I reasoned. "I wasn't even supposed to be here."

"Then why are you?" he asked coldly, turning around yet keeping his distance.

"Good question," I mumbled with a forced chuckle. My amusement did little to temper his mood. It actually just made it worse.

"I need some air," he muttered sighing, as if he was running out of the energy it would have taken to stay mad. I didn't blame him – I was running out of energy.

"Why don't you just stay and listen to…"

" – what she had to say?" Adam finished for Randy in a less than pleasant tone. The Legend Killer didn't back down from the cold glare that Adam sent his way, not like I expected he would. This was like a promo that the duo would cut during the end of the Rated RKO days. But this time it was real. "Like I said, she had more than enough time to call. And she obviously had the chance to see me."

Randy was about to reply yet it was my turn to interrupt.

"Hey – I'm still here, you know?" I said in an annoyed manner.

"Now, if _that_ isn't a surprise," Adam murmured causing Randy to mutter a few choice words for his friend under his breath.

"What was I supposed to do, huh?" I asked, knowing that I had to try and defend my behavior. I knew that I wasn't always acting in the most sensible manner, but my mental state left me no choice. "Just pop up all of a sudden and still not be able to give you a straight answer."

"Whatever, Nam," Adam replied softly in an icy tone, signaling that I needed to try harder. "Whatever you say."

"I signed a contract and it stated that there could be no fraternizing with WWE employees and…"

"It never stopped you before," he interrupted before I could finish my foolish excuse. My associations with Randy and even Chris pretty much made that agreement null and void.

"I guess not," I said, offering him a small smile once more. I was quickly rebuffed.

"Just admit that you're a selfish, scheming, cold-hearted bitch and we can all go on with our lives," he replied, reminding me of the conversation I had with Randy a few months ago. Then I was able to salvage our relationship. Now – I was thinking that it was a lost cause.

"You honestly think you'll just be able to go on with your life?" Jay asked sarcastically before I had a chance to try and offer a reply. "If so, you've done _a fine job_ of it so far."

"Shut up bro," Adam grumbled back to him, trying his best to keep all of his anger focused on me.

It was in that moment that I truly realized what I was doing to myself. I wanted to make amends – I would be crazy not to – but this was not what I had in mind. I knew that I had done a lot of things wrong, but I also did a lot of things that were right. All of the blame couldn't be put on my shoulders. I was here now, willing to take the verbal berating and questioning, but to an extent. No one deserved this – _no one!_ This was the man that I loved, pretty much regarding me as a mortal enemy. It wasn't just what he said, it was the way he said it and the look in his eyes. Those eyes would haunt me in my sleep for quite some time.

"You know what? I can't do this anymore," I said finally relenting and wanting an out from this conversation (if you could even call it that). "I have no clue what you want from me."

"That's exactly the point – I want nothing from you, you got that?" he replied.

It was the final straw. I was done with this conversation. And you know – I was done with him. He wanted me out of his life – then fine, he would get his wish. I had spent countless days thinking about him and how I would try and make things right. He didn't even want to hear me out.

I nodded my head slightly in agreement to what he said and turned around. I still didn't know the layout of this place real well, even though this was the hallway that housed the wardrobe and makeup departments. I spotted a door not too far off in the corner, hastily ran over and threw it open.

"What the fuck did you say that for?" I heard Randy question as I walked into what I now knew was a stairwell.

I decided that at least I could try and find a place to lay low for a while, quickly scaling a few of the steps. I made it to the top before I heard the door below open once more. I was dreading the voice that I would hear from below.

"Meemz, wait up."

Okay, not exactly the voice I thought it would be. I looked down over the rail and saw Jeff at the bottom. He motioned for me to stay put as he made his way up the flights of steps. When he made it to the top, he didn't hesitate to come over and throw his arms around me in a much needed embrace.

"He didn't mean those things, you know?" Jeff murmured lightly in my ear, rubbing soothing circles on my back while keeping me pressed to him. "He was just overwhelmed by everything."

"Since when did you ever feel the need to make excuses for him?" I asked, leaning back to look at him directly. I sighed and pulled out of his hold, turning to walk through the open doorway leading to a hallway on this new upper floor. "Besides, I can't blame him. And I wouldn't blame _you_ either if you never wanted to speak with me again."

"I always knew you would find your way back when you were ready," Jeff replied, as I could sense his presence following me from behind. I looked around and peered into the first open door I found: it was just a small office. "And he never said that he didn't want to speak with you. He's just..."

"_Overwhelmed_? Yeah, you already used that line," I shot back with a laugh, turning to look at him over my shoulder. "Not sure I believe it so much."

I continued walking until looking in the next room. It was a pretty lavish dressing room that was unoccupied at the moment. I pushed the slightly ajar door open fully and walked inside. I flopped down on a large leather couch off to the side and lazily looked at the entering Jeff. He smiled and came over to sit next to me, grasping my hand lightly in his.

"When I heard about the book, I honestly wasn't that surprised," he said softly, after a few moments of silence between us. "I knew that writing was always your thing."

"And now?" I asked, turning to look at his expression knowing that it would give away more information than his words ever could.

"I don't think any less of you if that is what you are thinking," he replied with a laugh, placing a light kiss on my cheek. "It just filled in some gaps."

"I guess it would," I said with a sigh, laying my head on his shoulder and closing my eyes.

I knew that I needed sleep and needed it soon. I wouldn't be responsible for any of my actions or thoughts throughout the rest of the night because of my temperament. I was the worst when I was sleep deprived. I am sure that is a reason I gave up on Adam so quickly. That and the fact that he was acting like an unreasonable child.

"And it was one hell of a trip down memory lane," Jeff said soothingly.

"Definitely _one hell of a trip_ that's for sure," I replied with a yawn, cuddling closer to his side.

I was happy with the Jeff Hardy pillow that was cradling my head and the warmth that was enveloping my body. With my eyes shut, I found myself drifting into slumber. A smile cascaded across my expression as I was finally feeling the peace I so longed for. I wished I could stay in this moment forever.

"So… I saw you talking to Vince earlier. What did he have to say?"

And then Jeff had to ruin it. I was happy and content in my dreamlike state… happy to forget all that had just occurred. It was like I was running away all over again, but this time it was because I knew what the solution had to be – and I didn't like it. I knew what it would come to in the end. I could feel it in my soul. It was something that I was going to have to do. I just wanted to prolong it as long as possible. I couldn't believe that it took tonight for it to really set in.

"No lawsuit which is good," I replied softly, feeling a few tears begin to glass over my eyes. If he only knew what I was thinking of on the inside, but I just decided to continue discussing the moment at hand. "Book wasn't the damning smoking gun that he thought it would be. He offered me a job writing for the company. Not Creative Team writing, but journalistic work."

"I take it you turned it down?" Jeff asked even though he already knew the answer.

"Yeah. Wrestling – still not my thing," I murmured, realizing how true that was. "Even though, it would have been a nice, neat ending to all of this – everything coming full circle?"

There would be no happy ending. And these weren't just my "sleepy time" thoughts plaguing me. I couldn't handle any of this anymore. I wanted my old life back, and by _old_, I meant _before all of this_. I knew that it was selfish and harsh, but I didn't think I could deal with this type of insanity anymore. The best parts about my time in the WWE were all present tonight. They made me realize the decision I had to make. Well, actually _one _of them in particular made it as clear as crystal.

"You should only do what your heart desires."

Jeff's statement pierced my soul. What my heart desired, huh? It didn't even feel like it was beating anymore. I couldn't feel anything coming from that chamber – just hollow coldness. I knew that I owed Jeff more than I had been giving him. He was always there for me, just like he was now.

"So… how's life?" I asked, trying to spring up a little conversation even though it was really the last thing on my mind.

"Good… everything is good," he replied genuinely.

"That's good," I muttered immediately, following it up with an insincere chuckle. Nothing was emotional affecting me anymore… not even Jeff. "Wow, our vocab really sucks."

"Yeah, definitely not _good_," he responded, causing laughter between both of us. And I noticed that it wasn't just forced on my part. I think Jeff was feeling some of the things I was. Either that or I was affecting his mood.

"Hey, you know where Adam went?"

I opened my eyes and looked over toward the door. I rolled my eyes at Chris, knowing that he knew the answer. How in the hell would I know where he was?

"No clue. But hey – at least I'm not dead," I said, referencing an earlier conversation between the two of us.

"Huh?" Jeff asked, not up on the inside joke.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it," I muttered, leaning my head back on his shoulder and shutting my eyes. "I just want to go to sleep."

"She's had a long day," Chris said while I tried to get myself situated once more at Jeff's side.

"More like long year," he remarked with a laugh. "Hard to believe it's only been a little bit over a year since we met, huh?"

"It's felt like a lifetime, especially these past months," I said, opening my eyes and looking up at him. He could see emotion swirling in my gaze yet kept quiet. If he kept looking at me like that, I would never be able to leave all of this behind. "I missed you."

"I missed you more," he replied immediately causing a melancholy smile to spread across my lips. Why did Jeff have to say all the right things all of the time?

"I'm gonna go find Adam," Chris interrupted, reminding me of his presence. "See if he has calmed down any."

"Doubt it," Jeff muttered under his breath.

"And I'm tired," I whined, wanting to just go home and sleep. Tomorrow I would try and think about how I would go about trying to move on. First, I needed sleep.

"Nami, don't be difficult," Chris responded seriously.

"We'll be right here," Jeff replied before I had a chance to open my mouth to speak.

"But I want… oh, alright," I conceded, when I surveyed the expressions on both of their faces. "But take these and return them while you search."

I pulled the borrowed shoes off of my feet and chucked them at Chris in the doorway. He covered his face as one of them barely missed him before crashing into the wall and falling to the floor.

"Anything else, mistress?" Chris asked sarcastically, as he bent down to pick up the shoes.

"You could get the garment bag from wardrobe on your way," I mused, even though it would have been on the way out anyway.

"Alright," he said. "You stay put now."

"It's not like he wants to talk to me anyway!" I yelled at his retreating form as he left the room.

"You know deep down he does," Jeff replied for Chris. I sighed and looked at him skeptically.

"Yeah, yeah - I know: '_overwhelmed_'," I said, using air quotes around Jeff's word for Adam's feelings. I wasn't sure that I bought it. There was something genuinely livid in his gaze. "You're talking to me and he's being an ass. I see not much has changed."

"Yeah, I think over the course of our friendship we have already gone over the many differences between myself and Adam Copeland," he responded.

"Uh-huh, but still… "

I drifted into silence not really knowing what to tell Jeff. If I told him about my plan to once again fade into obscurity at least for a little while, he would try and talk me out of it. Or at least I wanted to believe he would. I knew that no one would get why I needed to fade away again. I just had for months, but I was never really gone. I was still clinging to some false sense of hope that things would become the way they were at the happiest time in my life. That time was long over though, this night proved it. _Adam_ proved it.

"Today hasn't been exactly like I had pictured it," I continued softly. "Not like I have thought about it all that much."

"Come on Meemz," he responded, not buying my excuse, probably because of the lackluster way I delivered it. "You had months and months to think about what it would be like to see us again."

"Yeah, but the fact that it was in front of television cameras didn't come into play until a month ago," I replied, leaning my head on his shoulder once more. His fingers were entwined in mine still and if I wanted, I knew that I could've convinced myself that things were going to be okay the way they were. I just didn't want to fool myself any longer. "And honestly, I wasn't set in coming until a day or two ago. It was really Chris who was finally able to convince me."

"I'm glad to see that he did," he said happily. "So… you and Randy?"

"It was interesting to say the least," I said, as with both shared a laugh. I could just picture him trying to imagine our time together. "It was funny because the day we met up, he was wrestling you in the main event. He was trying to convince me to be his valet."

"Man, that would've been something," he said enthusiastically. "I think I would've been too shocked to wrestle. You should've done it."

"That's what I was trying to tell her."

I sat up straighter on the couch and turned my head to look at the newcomer. Randy smirked at the two of us as he leaned against the door and surveyed the area.

"Hey you," I said with a small smile.

"Mind if I join, or is this a private thing?" he asked, gesturing between the two of us.

"Nah, stay," Jeff said, pretty much taking the words out of my mouth. I nodded my head in agreement and Randy entered, pulling the stool from the makeup vanity to be situated across from us on the couch.

"So – how are both of your better halves?" I asked after he got situated. Figured I would pass the time with harmless small talk.

"Great," Jeff said with a nod. "Everything is going well."

"I'm glad," I replied with a smile before turning to the other man in the room. "And how's Sam?"

"Pregnant," he said with a laugh.

"Oh my God – congratulations!" I replied pushing up off of the couch to rise and pull the soon to be father into a small embrace. Just as hastily, I returned to my seat and Jeff was quick to retake my hand lightly in his. "When is she due?"

"Summer," he mused with a smile. "Sometime in July."

"You going to take some time off?" I asked, knowing how serious he was about the business. Yet in my mind, the birth of a child trumps work any day... even if you love your job.

"I guess – maybe," he conceded warily. "I want to be there, believe me I do. But I don't know if it will be in the cards. I mean, if I'm the champ at the time, it's not like I could just forfeit the belt."

"Why not?" I asked with a shrug.

"Cause this is Randy we are talking about."

The three of us room occupants turned to look at the door once more as another newcomer had found their way up the stairs.

"Sorry Cena, but this is a private affair," Randy scoffed jokingly, as John entered the room and sat on the top of the vanity.

"So what's this I hear about you two seeing each other on tour?" he asked as he got settled.

"Ms. Clumsy over here ran into me – _literally_," Randy explained.

"And you didn't tell anyone?" John asked his friend.

"Like I said before, I was sworn to secrecy," Randy repeated his earlier statement about our meeting.

"What did you get in return?" he asked once more.

"What do you think," Randy said suggestively, causing me to kick him in the shin.

"Ugh, not true," I replied, even though I knew no one in the room actually believed his joke. "I showed him a little of the book."

"Yeah, just enough so I knew what her intentions were," Randy added.

"He complained about the difference in size between your acknowledgement and his," I said looking up at Jeff, trying to add him into the conversation.

"Not surprised there," John responded, before Jeff could get a word in. I sighed and turned back to the other two men. "It was a really great read Nam. And not just because I came across like a great guy in it."

"Yeah – we all know that is what makes people think that it should be on the fiction shelves," Randy commented sarcastically.

Silence fell over the four of us. I was trying to figure out if I could still follow through with my plan of separation. And I knew that the fact that the four of us hadn't really spoken as one unit in ages also was a big part for the awkwardness. We weren't the exact same people we were back in April. Many things were different, some for the better; some for worse.

"So, where's Adam?" John asked, breaking the silence.

"If that is not the question of the night," Jeff said, knowing that I wasn't really in the mood to talk about him anymore. "Chris went to look for him."

"What the fuck is his problem?" Randy asked bitterly.

"Isn't it obvious?" I asked sardonically.

"No, not really," he replied, obviously not fully seeing why Adam could be so hurt. I understood why. I just didn't want to deal with it anymore. I was hurting just as much as he was… maybe even more. "Everything you wrote about him should've made up for all the deception."

"Do you mind if we drop the subject of my ex-boyfriend's disappearance for awhile?" I asked, finally voicing my discomfort. "I already have a massive migraine."

Randy just nodded, enveloping the room in silence once more. So much for this conversation getting any easier.

"So, you coming to Armageddon on Sunday?" Jeff asked after a few more silent moments.

"Wasn't planning on it," I said dejectedly, hating how everything we talked about was about wrestling.

"I just figured since you and Chris are close and with it being his first pay-per-view back…"

"Which brings up another question of how close you and Chris really are," Randy asked cutting off Jeff's statement. The three of us turned to him with disgusted looks on our faces, thinking that Randy was insane for thinking we could be _that_ close. "Not like _that_! Like how did you two meet?"

"He said it on the show tonight idiot," John replied mockingly.

"I'm friends with his editor and one day we accidentally saw each other at my office building," I said, mentally recalling the day in question. "We didn't speak at all but one thing led to another and –"

"We ended up falling madly in love."

Chris came into the room still laughing at his joking finish to my sentence, hanging the garment bag on a clothes hook near the door. He leaned up against the wall and gave slight greetings to the rest of the room's occupants.

"I see your search was unsuccessful," John said, noting the lack of Adam's presence in the room.

"No, it was," he said with a shrug, turning to look directly at me. "Jay's talking to him now – trying to reason with him. Besides, I am not on his favorites list at the moment."

"I'll go beat some sense into him," Randy muttered, clenching his hand into a fist.

"Randy, don't," I murmured, not wanting the champion to be suspended on my account. I was touched by his outward declaration of affection though. "I honestly can't blame him, you know?"

"So – how long has this relationship been going on?" John asked, gesturing between myself and Chris.

"End of June, during my countless news media stops," Chris explained with a sigh. I couldn't believe it was that long myself. "She looked like she could use a friend."

"Or twenty," I mused sarcastically.

"And you actually saw Adam?" Randy asked, still shocked that I wouldn't jump at the chance to see my former boyfriend. He should have known by my reluctance to talk to him in England that I was trying my best to hide.

"Thanks to him," I said, pointing a finger at Chris. He just feigned a '_who me_' expression before cracking a huge smile. "He didn't see me though."

"Yeah, we heard," John responded. "Why did you feel the need to hide though?"

"I wasn't ready to see him, but we did talk slightly that time at the café," I replied honestly, throwing another slight glare the blond Canadian's way.

"He thought she was a stranger," Chris continued which earned confused looks from the other three men in the room. He just held up his hand to silence anymore questions. "It's another long, odd story."

"How am I not surprised at that?" Randy replied sarcastically. "You could honestly write another book on this whole experience."

"Didn't keep a journal this time, thank God," I answered, nuzzling my head into a more comfortable position on Jeff's shoulder. It was a fight to keep my eyes open.

"So you gave all the money back to Vince?" Randy asked.

"I told you that there was no way that I felt justified in spending it," I replied, knowing that I had told him as much when we met a few months ago. "I gave him the paperwork to access the account since the sum isn't exactly stable."

"Yeah, rub it in," Chris joked, as the fluctuations in the sum were due do the added money from how well the book was selling. The account didn't get all the profit, but enough for me to be able to sleep at night. Oh sleep, how I missed thee. Just the mere thought of it made me lose some waking consciousness.

"You're book is selling just as well," I responded with a slight yawn.

"Maybe, but it is pretty close," Chris said, as I yawned once more.

"Can I go to sleep now?" I asked him, knowing that I needed it more than ever. It was obvious that Adam had no intentions on wanting to have a civil conversation and I wasn't in the mood to hear him out. I just wanted to leave.

"You have to wait for Adam to come to his senses," Chris said forcefully. "_Then _you can get some sleep."

"She doesn't have a lifetime to waste," Randy quipped causing laughter to reverberate around the small dressing room. Yet before anyone could respond the penultimate panel guest came barreling into the room.

"I tried," Jay scoffed, as he sat down on the other side of me on the couch.

"Naptime!" I exclaimed, pulling Jeff closer to me. I looked up into his eyes and smiled. Even though he had been quiet most of the night, just having him next to me made me calm. Yet it also made me ache, knowing that I planned on forsaking this friendship once again.

"Huh?" Jay asked, causing my attention to shift to the other side.

"Don't worry about it," Chris answered before I could reply about my current sleepy state. "Where did he go?"

"To clear his head," Jay said as if he was quoting Adam himself.

"My offer is still on the table," Randy replied, punching his open palm with a clenched fist.

"He thinks that he can beat some sense into Adam," I explained to the few confused members of the room.

"It would have to have more of an effect than I had," Jay said sighing. I brought my free hand over and grasped Jay's lightly. He turned to look at me with a smile.

"How's Denise?" I asked.

"She's real well," he responded before his eyes lit up. "Oh, she loves the picture of the four of us you included by the way – even though she still insists that a picture of me in my Captain Charisma costume would have been priceless."

"Ooo, it so would have," I mused. "But then there would have been the copyright infringement and a bunch of legal issues. Still – it probably would have been worth it."

Silence once again and with the multitude of people in the room, that was hard to accomplish. I looked around and saw that many of the men seemed like they had something to say, but couldn't vocalize their statements. Boy, did I know how that felt! I went through that same predicament for months… I was even sort of going through it now.

"How was Europe?" Jay asked, breaking the tense silence.

"Nice, but not home," I replied. "I'll be happy when I can sleep in my own bed again."

"I think she is trying to get rid of us," John said laughing, even though he was speaking the truth.

"You know that is not true," I lied with a smile. "It's just that I am running on empty –zero sleep plus massive jet lag. My body is still on Italian time, meaning I should have been asleep ages ago."

"You came right from the plane?" Jay asked.

"Luggage is still in Chris's car," I remarked, trying to stifle the hundredth yawn of the night.

"You really haven't slept," John said, even though I knew that everyone in the room had felt this feeling more than once.

Wrestling wasn't always the best for daily routines. Sometimes, you would only get a few hours of decent sleep a night and still had to go out and perform in the ring. That was another thing I certainly didn't miss about my previous occupation. I was never a morning person and all of the early starts... ugh, I really needed to stop thinking about wrestling.

"Maybe Chris should get you home," Jeff said, speaking for the first time in ages.

I nodded my head and let go of both of the hands that were in my grasp. I stood up and stretched my arms above my head. All of the other men got ready to leave the room as well. Chris grabbed the garment bag and led the way out of the room followed by Randy and John with Jay, Jeff and myself at the back.

"How long has it been since you've been there?" Jay asked as the group of us headed back down the staircase to the main floor.

"A little over two months," I said, trying to keep my balance on the steps.

"You should be used to it," Randy said turning his head over his shoulder to shoot me a grin. Being in Italy was nothing like my time in the WWE, no matter what he wanted to believe.

"No, it was pretty different… very lonely," I mused as I made it to the bottom.

We all partook in some idle chatter as we found our way out of the studio. Everyone besides myself and Chris had a car service for the night that was waiting to take them directly to their hotel. I stood watching the men talk about plans for tomorrow. There were no shows until Armageddon on Sunday thus they had time to hang out in the city for another day. TNA had already filmed for a few weeks and Jay wasn't booked on any of the house shows for the weekend. Chris was busy making plans on my behalf for the group of us tomorrow.

"You're not going to disappear on me again, are you?"

I looked up and into Jeff's gaze. I frowned slightly and I knew that he had his answer. He pulled me to him and held me as close as he possibly could. I returned the embrace and tried to keep my composure.

"I need to try and make a full break," I whispered so only he could hear. "I hadn't been able to do it before. Now, I have the chance and think that I am strong enough to see it through."

We both pulled back. Jeff nodded his head in understanding and I was happily shocked that he conceded so quickly. Maybe he didn't believe me… hell I didn't want to believe it myself. But it was something that I was committed on doing.

"This is isn't goodbye though," he muttered in a hushed tone. "I'm not going to let it be, even if I personally have to search the whole city for you."

"It won't," I replied with a smile. "I just need some time. Once I figure out who I want to be and where my life is heading, you will be the first to know."

"Hey Hardy… you ready?"

Both of us turned to look at Randy as he held the car door open for Jeff to enter. He pressed one last kiss to my cheek before climbing into the car.

"Fuck, you two are acting like you're never going to see each other again," Randy responded as he got in as well. "We are meeting for brunch tomorrow."

"Yeah, we'll see you then Nam," John said, directed my way. "You get some sleep now."

"And I will try and work on Adam," Jay said, patting me on my shoulder as he moved to enter the car.

"See you guys later," Chris said, as they closed the doors fully.

I took a deep breath and waved to them as the car pulled away. Jeff shot me a meaningful nod mouthing a few loving words before it drove out of sight. I stood in the spot and thought about what I was planning on doing and how much of it was based on Adam's reaction. If Adam had acted like the rest of them, would I even be considering this?

"So are you going to tell me what that was all about?" Chris asked as he came to stand in my line on view. He could tell by my expression what I was thinking and cursed under his breath. "I'm not going to let you cut them out again. You've seen tonight how much this feels right and how much they…"

"I'll never know what feels right until I explore all of my opportunities," I said defiantly. "I'm not saying it will be forever. Who knows? It might only take a few days. I just need sometime for myself. I haven't taken that quality time in such a long time and…"

"What do you call your months of solitude in Italy then?" he asked as we slowly started to walk toward his car.

"I was still attached to all of this," I replied. "I had the book, Randy's appearance… _you_."

"So now I am part of this as well?" he asked sardonically. "You can't do this again Nam. I won't let you."

"You have no say in the matter," I said coldly. "Jeff understands. Why can't you?"

"He doesn't understand!" Chris vented, spinning around to look at me as we had made it to the car. "He is just trying to appease you – doing what he thinks will make you happy. And I can tell you that it won't. You were changed by the whole experience. You're writing reflects that. You can't go back and wish that things were different."

"I don't," I said with a shake of my head. "I just want to try and find myself again. I look in the mirror and can't recognize my own reflection."

"Don't be stupid," Chris responded, opening the door to throw the garment bag in the back seat. He slammed the door shut before continuing. "You know exactly who you are. You just don't want to admit that you have found out how much you missed everything you left behind."

"That isn't it," I muttered, opening the door to climb into the slightly chilled car. I waited for Chris to enter before continuing with my lackluster explanation that I knew he would never understand. "I know that the Diva Search changed me, but I need to try and adjust to it. I grew up a lot during my time in the WWE and have yet to apply that to my life. Now, that this whole book fiasco is over – I have the chance to do that."

"You don't have to disappear to do that," he muttered, starting the car and beginning the trek uptown to my place.

"I'm not going to," I replied. "I just need some time for myself. It won't be for long… at least I hope it won't."

"You are doing exactly what Adam thought you would," he mumbled. "And you know what – I'm done as well. I can't keep trying to convince you of things you don't believe yourself. You may think that you need time to adjust, but you don't. You know what you want… you are just scared that you may actually be able to get it."

* * *

_Wednesday December 12__th__, 2007  
8:35 PM – Chelsea Pier: Studio D – New York_

_I kept moving my attention between both of the pairs of green irises that we staring at me. I couldn't focus on just one. Maybe Randy was right… it would never be just one of them in my heart. No matter how much I tried, they both meant so much to me. I tried to crack a smile, but remained motionless. I didn't know what to do._

_Sensing my hesitation, Jeff stepped forward, pushing Adam slightly to the side, and pulled me into his arms. I let my head rest in the crook of his neck as I breathed a much needed sigh of relief. Jeff sensed my release and pressed a chaste kiss to my cheek. I pulled back from the different cool feel and saw the change: his new lip ring._

"_Like it?" he asked, following my gaze. It was as if we hadn't missed a step in our friendship._

"_I can't believe you wrestle with that thing in," I muttered, falling into his arms once more, not caring how boring this bit of television must have been. "Doesn't it bleed?"_

"_Yeah, during most matches it does," he replied softly chuckling. It was just like old times. No big grand greeting, just the two of us being ourselves. "Takes some of the attention off the pain in my back though."_

_I laughed at his joking tone and leaned up to kiss him lightly on the lips, feeling the cool metal on my lips. I smiled, but quickly became stern after I looked over Jeff's shoulder. How could I have forgotten that I still had the biggest hurdle to get over? Jeff saw my change in expression and let go of his light hold on me. He stepped back toward his chair, but I couldn't move forward. I was way too nervous._

_Adam was doing nothing to soothe my worries. Unlike the others on the stage, his demeanor had yet to change. His eyes were still as glaring as they had been since the glasses had been removed. I knew we couldn't stand in this stalemate forever, but I didn't think I could make the first move. And judging by Adam's temperament, it looked like he felt the same._

_I felt myself being pushed from behind. Before I could tumble to the ground, Adam stepped forward and caught me in his arms. I looked over my shoulder and saw the one armed injured Champ grinning like the idiot he usually was. He raised his eyebrows at me and gestured to the man whose arms were encircling my form. I turned back around and looked up. There was a small change in his stare as he let his hands fall to his sides._

"_Hey," he muttered hoarsely, moving his gaze to his feet._

"_Hey," I responded in a soft tone, wondering what I was supposed to do next. I noticed that the show was at a commercial (thank God). Only the crowd was looking up at us in anticipation of what would happen. I didn't even know myself._

_I looked slightly over my shoulder and found Jeff's eyes once more. He gestured back toward Adam with a firm look on his face. I shot him a pessimistic expression, yet he just silently pushed further. I sighed softly before turning back toward the blond Canadian. His eyes were still cast downward, giving me the perfect chance to make my move._

_I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him tightly against me. I felt him slightly stiffen, surprised by my display of affection. I was actually a little surprised myself. It was as if my body (more like my heart) had a mind of its own. But I was even more surprised when I felt two arms surround me once more. I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding and held him even tighter, as if he would vanish if I let go._

_I heard the crowd cheer and moderator for the event welcome the home audience back to the show, signaling that we had went live once more. Neither Adam nor I let go of our hold on each other. I think it was because we both knew what would happen when we did. We wanted to keep this moment for as long as we could. We didn't want the reality of our situation to come back to us. We wanted to be like we were before._

_Together._

* * *

Thursday December 13th, 2007  
3:27 AM – Nami's Apartment: New York

I groggily opened my eyes as a noise startled me from my sleep. I rolled over and looked at the digital clock on my end table. It was almost three thirty in the morning. I figured that it was just some of the New York City noise that I had forgotten about during my European trip. Yet right as I was about to crash my head back into the pillow, the noise started up again.

I sat up and looked around the darkened room for the source of the voice. It wasn't coming from the door. I thought that it might have just been heavy gusts of wind. There was a horrible storm raging outside. It had started shortly after Chris dropped me off and had yet to really slow down. Just when I had thought the noise had stopped, it sounded once more.

I looked out toward my large windows and noticed a shadow on the small fire escape ledge. I hurriedly got up from the bed and walked over to the blinds. I peered through them and saw my moonlit visitor on the outside. I pulled the blinds up and unlocked the window. I quickly threw it up and knelt down on the floor.

"What are you doing here?"

"I needed to see you."

I chuckled softly at Adam's response. He had all night to talk to me. He had decided to forsake it. But here he was, huddled on the small fire escape, soaked to the bone, wanting to speak with me. I should have been flattered, but I was more annoyed.

"It's three-thirty – have you slept any?" I asked, even though I figured I already knew the answer.

"What do you think?" he responded jokingly, giving me a genuine smile. "Can I come in… _please_? It's a little wet out here."

"Fuck, of course," I replied, pushing the window open further so he could climb inside. "I'm sorry about that."

Once he made it inside the warm confines of my apartment, he quickly shut the window once more. He moved further into the room as I went over and locked it once more, leaving the blind up to cast a moonlit glow in the room. I looked over at his form and saw that he was still dripping and imaginably cold. It had to have been just above freezing outside.

"Let me get you a few towels or something," I said quietly, still in a daze – half from sleepiness and the other from shock that he was actually here. "How did you know where I li… scratch that. I know the answer."

I knew full well how Adam was able to find my little hole in the wall apartment. He was actually here before… maybe even more than once. Chris used my place a few times when he was in the area and I was overseas. I really wasn't sure what went on while I was gone, but knew that I really didn't want to know. I heard him chuckle from behind me as I padded over to my linen closet and pulled out two bath towels.

"You really were hiding back there?"

I turned back around and saw Adam's gaze had fallen on the couch and the wall behind it. I smiled slightly and nodded my head as he turned his attention back toward me.

"It was a tight fit, but I made it work. Here you go," I said, extending the dry cloth to Adam. He accepted them with a small smile on his face. I returned it, but then thought about all that had transpired just a few hours earlier. I couldn't go back on the decision I had made. I needed to fully break away and make sure I knew what I wanted. I would never be able to follow my heart if I didn't. And didn't Adam want the same thing? Why was he even here? "I'll see if I can find some big enough clothes."

He just nodded his head in reply and turned away from me once more, drying his rain soaked locks with the towel. I took a deep breath, trying my best to compose myself, and walked over to my dresser. I knew that I had something for Adam to wear… and I knew exactly where it was. I pulled open the bottom drawer and retrieved Adam's old Devils jersey and a pair of his pajama bottoms. I had borrowed them both one of the last nights we had spent together at his place and never got a chance to return them. I guess I was given a perfect opportunity to bind all of the loose threads of the mess I created.

I walked back over to him, watching as he looked out on the mostly desolate street. He must have noticed my reflection in the windowpane as he turned around and surveyed my offering. I saw a sense of recognition flash in his eyes as I once again extended my hand.

"Thanks," he said gruffly, pulling his clothes from my hand.

"Here – bathroom's that way," I said gesturing over to a small alcove with a few doors, one being the linen closet and the other the bathroom.

He nodded and headed over that way, but not before stopping to stare at me once more. I tried my hardest to keep my emotions in check, but I couldn't do it any longer. A few tears trickled down my cheek, but didn't make it far. Adam ran his thumbs across my upper cheeks, stopping them in their path.

"Don't cry," he mumbled softly, our eyes locking with both pairs reflecting a deep sense of melancholy. It was a total reversal of what they held a few hours before. He could put on a front of indifference toward me, but his eyes at this moment showed something totally different. "Please, don't cry."

And with that, he made a slow retreat into the bathroom to get changed. I watched his retreating form, wiping the rest of the tears from my eyes. He left the door open a few inches and I watched as he let his soaked jacket fall to the tiled floor. He then pulled his wet, clinging shirt over his head, letting it join the pile as well. Our eyes met in his reflection in the mirror and I quickly spun around and headed over toward my couch knowing I had been caught. But honestly, who could blame me? I still had strong feelings for him even though I was sure that I didn't want to act on them anymore.

"You ever get my letter?"

Adam's question broke through my own thoughts. I looked at the inch of light emanating from the bathroom. I knew it was time to sew up another thread.

"I've always had it," I admitted, just loud enough that he could hear from the other room. "Just never had the courage to open it."

"Even when you called?" he asked in a tone I couldn't place. I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised that he wasn't shocked. I doubted that anything I did or had done would have shocked him after all of my previous escapades.

"Uh-huh," I murmured cautiously, knowing that I was admitting to another lie. "I wanted to tell you. I _wanted_ to read it, but I didn't want to cut off the last real connection I felt I had with you. I know it sounds stupid, but its how I felt... at that time."

"You had Chris," he responded as the light in the bathroom shut off and he emerged. I lost my train of thought for a second before realizing that I had yet to respond.

"Don't be ridiculous," I said, turning away from him to stare at the rainy night sky coming from the window. "You know what I mean."

He didn't respond… just came over and sat next to me, blocking my view of the window. Thus, I turned the other way and stared at the digital red glow of my alarm clock – 3:37. Silence stretched on for what felt like hours. 3:38… so much for it being hours.

"I should've known it was you that day," Adam said softly. I had no clue of what he was exactly referencing. I turned to him with a quizzical look. "At the bar… well _after_ it anyway. You were too familiar to be a stranger… I should've known."

"I should've told you," I muttered even though I honestly doubted that I would have changed anything that I had done that day.

"Would you?" he asked cynically, as if he could sense what I was thinking.

"Probably not," I replied truthfully, knowing that to make a full break, I needed to be as honest as possible. "I thought that what I was doing at that time would make _this_ easier. Boy was I wrong."

"Why couldn't you talk to me about what you were going through?" he asked, reaching over to lightly grab my fingers in his. I looked directly into his moonlit eyes as he continued. "We shared so much Nam and I would have done short of nothing to save it. When you left… you took a big part of me with you."

"I hope that you have found it once again," I said, looking away from him and down at our slightly entwined hands.

"I always knew where it was," he murmured, moving his free hand right over my heart. "And I know that it is still there."

His hand was still cold from his time out in the rain and sent a chill down my spine. Maybe it was that or the intimate position that we had found ourselves in. I couldn't let myself do this again. I couldn't get sucked back in. I had made a break and while it was hard, it was the right decision. And then Chris came along and I let this world back into my life. I needed to try and make it on my own. No decision would be the right one if I didn't. I needed space to breathe and find myself once again.

"I can't do this anymore," I muttered, rising from the couch and pacing a few steps away from my shocked companion. This was the second time tonight I given up on him. Before, he didn't want to listen to me and now, it was I who was through listening.

"What are you talking about?" Adam asked, as I bet he thought that what he was seemingly offering was exactly what I wanted.

Maybe it was a few hours ago, but my head was in a different mindset now. I could thank his earlier temperament for it, but I wanted to believe deep in my heart it was the right decision. How did he change his feelings so quickly? I couldn't believe that this was the same man that had practically screamed at me tonight... the man who wanted nothing to do with me. I didn't want to spend the time trying to figure it out.

"This – us… I can't keep waiting for something that I know will never come," I reasoned with him, as he too rose and advanced toward me. I felt his hand grasp my arm and spin me toward him as I continued on. "I need to_ finally_ move on. I can't keep doing this to myself. Now, that we have finally had a chance to say our piece… I don't think there is anything more either of us needs to do in this relationship."

He stared deep into my soul, as if he was searching for the real truth behind my words. I could tell he wanted to believe that everything I was spitting out was more lies. Maybe it was… I couldn't even tell anymore. I finally believed that this was what I wanted. I wanted my old life back at least for a little while. Chris had his old wrestling life back… all of my other wrestling friends were quite busy as well in their own promotions. For them, everything was back to the status quo and I was no longer a part of it. I didn't want to be on the outside looking in… and there was no way in hell I wanted to back inside.

"I just want to rest," I continued, getting out of his light grasp and walking to my bed to lie down once more. I needed to try and avoid his eyes or I knew all my words would crumble to the floor. "I want to finally be able to rest and put everything behind me – something I should have done months ago. But I think tonight finally gave me the strength that I needed to finally do it… or to at least _attempt_ it. I think I always knew that we would never work. I was just trying to convince myself that if I believed in the opposite, I could change it. But I can't change what you think; what you feel."

"How do you know what I am feeling, huh?" I heard him ask from right above me as my eyes were tightly shut. I had to will myself not to look.

"I just implied that I don't, but I can't keep waiting around in limbo while you decide," I vented, remembering the mixed messages that he had sent all night. One second he was apparently forgiving in nature; the next, it was as if I was dead to him. "It hurts too much."

"What about what you wrote to me a month ago?" Adam asked, referencing the birthday card that I had sent him. It included a small note that I wrote as I tried to sort through my feelings. Things changed tonight. "You just want to forget all about it?"

"I don't really know what –"

"_I'm not expecting this note to make up for anything I have done in the past,"_ Adam said, recalling my words verbatim from the card. I opened my eyes and looked up into his._ "I can't fathom that this will make anything better between us, but I want to try."_

"That's enough," I said soft yet scornfully, not wanting to hear what he (or more accurately, what _I_) had to say. I couldn't go back. I couldn't flip flop on my feelings once more. I had to take a stand.

"_This isn't the declaration that I think will help fix anything between us,"_ he continued, causing me to become more angered by the second._ "It is just a chance for me to say sorry one more time. And I truly am sorry."_

"Adam, stop," I replied through clenched teeth as I sat up in my bed, throwing my legs over the side of the bed. He stepped back yet would not stop with his narration.

"_I'm sorry for all the pain I caused,"_ he murmured in a more biting tone, as if he was throwing my words back in my face.

"Adam," I warned, rising from my bed hoping that he would stop.

"_I'm sorry for all the lies and deception," _he continued, unfazed by my anger and frustration.

"Adam!" I exclaimed walking a few paces away from him, toward my door.

"_But most of all, I am sorry because I lost the love of my life," _he finished, spinning me around so he sneeringly declared it right to my face.

I saw red.

"Get out! Just get out!"

I opened the door and used all the strength that was in me to push him out the door. I slammed it shut before falling against it. It was done. I had made up my mind. It needed to be done for a long time and I had finally cut the cord. I slowly walked back into the room and spied my open handbag on the ground. I walked over to it and pulled the slight worn, crumpled envelope out of it. I tore open the top and pulled Adam's note from its confines. This was the last piece of the puzzle – the last thread that needed to be bound. I needed to close the book on this era of my life.

This chapter in my life was finally going to be complete.


	60. There You Are, Here I Am

_A.N. - Normal Disclaimer... I don't own the WWE and its Superstars... wait, I mean "Entertainers". :-) I want to send out a HUGE thank you to EVERYONE who has read my story over these past months. It truly ended up taking on a life of its own and it is thanks to all of you. An UBER HUGE thank you goes out to my reviewers who have helped keep me motivated and focused on coming up with timely and descriptive updates - **KaraAlissa, purplefeather21, Hatter-Zombie, Medieval Mystic, Enigmatic Lotus Leaf, HardyxGirl, xHardyatHeartx, Lisa-Beckiie, xCassie, Farra Sti, CarlyJo, -IDreamOfHardyz-, Orton Addict, and RatedRCouture!!** This chapter is for all of you!_

_I can't believe that this is actually the end of "Confessions". Wow... my music theory class is going to be very boring on Monday when I have nothing to write during it. I'll think of something... :-) The ending I chose may not satisfy everyone, but it was what I decided was the proper way to conclude. And what do you know - it is the longest chapter. I tried not to make much of it filler, but I wanted to end everything to an extent that I felt comfortable saying that it is done. So with these final words, I thank you all once more and hope you enjoy the ending! Peace and Love!!_

* * *

The papers slipped from my grasp and slid to the floor. What had I done? I quickly ran to the window to see if I could view his silhouette from below. Nothing. He was probably still stuck on the many flights of stairs. I looked down at my floor and saw his note had fallen near my feet. _**Did you know I miss you?**_ Simple and to the point, but held such a deeper meaning when included with the other nine sheets of music. I hastily made my way over to the door, stopping only to slip my flip flops on my feet. I swung the door open and went over to the banister. I looked down trying to spot him in the winding hallway.

"Adam!"

The reverberating sound of my voice came back to my ear. Yet that was the only reply. I waited a few moments more before trying again. The same response – nothing. He couldn't have just disappeared. I turned dejectedly and was about to head back into my room, but something deep inside myself stopped me. I knew what I needed to do. Taking one last deep breath, I sprinted down the steps as fast as my legs would carry me even though my mind was still spinning circles in the past.

* * *

_Friday January 5__th__, 2007  
9:35 PM – Adam's House in Florida_

"_Welcome to Casa de Copeland."_

_I smiled as Adam held open the door and led me inside. It was the first time that I was going to be visiting his place of residence. We had been spending more time together as my training stationed me only a short drive away at my apartment in Tampa. We spent a lot of time there as well as our earlier rendezvous back in New Jersey on New Year's Eve. It was only a few days later and we were celebrating another milestone: our two month anniversary._

_We had just spent the earlier part of the night having a nice romantic dinner at a wonderful Italian restaurant and now wanted to spend a nice quiet night at home. Adam had to fly out tomorrow night to head to Missouri for the New Year's Revolution pay-per-view on Sunday. Rated RKO was going to be battling it out with Degeneration X for pride more than anything. It was for the titles as well, but the gold didn't seem to really matter in this feud. Everything was personal between the four characters on the screen. But tonight, we could forget all about work and our professional life and concentrate on things much more personal._

_Adam gave me a tour around his house, showing me his ever growing collection of guitars as well as his rather large collection of non-wrestling action figures. He got slightly offended when I didn't exactly find his Simpson's Duff Man figure all that entertaining, but it quickly passed. I was more interested in why both of his guest rooms contained various stuffed bears. He just shrugged his shoulders and said it was all on the interior decorator (especially the nice periwinkle color scheme in the first room). _

_One of the last rooms on the tour was his office. Adam left to go and get us some drinks, leaving me to snoop around the room all by my lonesome. He had all the title belts that he had won over the years framed and hung on one of the walls. There were a few bookcases that were overflowing with a myriad of books. Most were biographies or memoirs from sports and entertainment. I swear that he must have every wrestling book ever published. I was pursuing all the different book spines and smiled when I came across "The Hardy Boyz: Exist to Inspire". He told me before that he had all of the books that the WWE had published, but it still was a pleasant surprise._

_I continued looking around the room and was surprised by the large piles of CD cases that lined pretty much a whole wall. I walked over and shuffled through a few of them. Kiss, Foo Fighters, Nirvana, Fozzy, Weezer…_

"_You making more of a mess in here?"_

_I set the cases back in the pile and turned around to look at Adam. He smiled as he entered the room and handed me the glass of wine. We clanked glasses softly and both took a small sip._

"_If you consider this a mess, I would hate to imagine what you think of my apartment," I commented as I looked around the room. _

_Sure, there was a little clutter in here but that was about it. The room hardly looked lived in and if it wasn't for all of the shimmering belts on the wall, I wouldn't have believed that it was actually in Adam's house. That was how his entire house felt come to think of it. It was so proper and composed… ordered and highly decorative. It was totally unlike what I expected – a very pleasant surprise._

"_So do you want to finish the tour?" he asked with a gleam in his eye, bringing the glass to his lips once more. "Only one stop left."_

_I demurely nodded my head as he took my free hand and led me out of the room. We walked the short distance to the slight open door to his room. He kicked it lightly with his foot and flipped the light on pulling me inside. I looked around and wasn't surprised at the elegance that was abundant. It might not exactly suit the Rated R persona of Edge, but it was just another aspect of the man that was Adam Copeland._

"_You like?" he asked as I casually sipped one my wine while looking at the prints framed on his wall._

"_Very much," I answered, setting my glass down near his television. He came over and sat his empty glass next to mine. _

_He stood behind me, brushing the hair away from the right side of my neck. He leaned down and lightly kissed the length before gently applying more pressure. He took my hand in his and led me over to his bed. I sat down on the edge and looked up at him with a timid grin. We had been intimate a few times before but everything still felt so new. And being here with him now, I wondered how I measured up to all the women in his past. How many other passionate memories had he made in this very room? Would I even be able to count?_

_I scooted back and up the bed til I hit the wall of pillows that he kept on the other end. I never understood how one man needed a dozen pillows, but Adam swore that he couldn't sleep without so much support and comfort. I watched as he walked around and sat down next to my slightly lying form. He ran his hand down my clothed body and leaned in to kiss me. I moved away and shimmied over so he could join me on the bed. He took the move as an invitation and came to lie next to me._

"_Now… where were we?" he asked teasingly as he leaned back in yet I pulled away once more. He gave me a curious look as I reached out and took his hand in mine._

"_Can we talk?" I whispered causing him to fall back into a more comfortable position._

"_What about?" he asked._

_My mind ran in circles trying to think of what to talk about. All I really wanted to do was stop and think about things before rushing into intercourse. Being in his house – in his room – just reminded me that I was hardly the first who was ever in this position. He was already married twice for goodness sake! To make myself feel more comfortable, I knew that I had to do something… something different. I didn't want to be another name on a list of many._

"_Tell me something about yourself that no one knows," I said, turning to him with a small smile playing on my lips._

"_What?" he asked laughing. "Where did this sudden interest come from?"_

"_Come on Adam," I goaded, rolling over so I was kneeling next to him._

"_Um… you know that I am a pretty open person," he said agitatedly. "So I don't exactly know how to answer your question."_

"_Fine… then I'll think of something to ask," I muttered, falling back into a sitting position._

_I sat and pondered what I could ask him that wouldn't be too personal, but not too commonplace either. It didn't even have to be something I was truly interested… just something different. Then I thought back to his office and immediately a question sprung to mind._

"_What is the one song you can't live without?" I asked which caused him to break out in laughter once more._

"_Are you serious?" he asked, leaning on his elbow to look me straight in my eyes. He found his answer as I looked down at him sternly. "I guess you are even though I can't imagine why."_

"_Obviously music drives some part of your life and I'm just curious," I reasoned, even though deep down it was all just a bunch of bullshit. "All I want to know is one song."_

"_Impossible," he said with a shake of his head. "And I think you've had too much wine."_

"_No, it's not impossible and I barely had any," I shot back, crossing my arms over my chest, irked by his stubbornness. "You just have to seriously think about it. Imagine that tomorrow you woke up and were deaf. What song would you long to hear more than any other sound feasible?"_

"_Your voice," he replied, leaning up to capture my lips in between his. Normally, I would let him get away with it, but not tonight. He needed to give me more than that._

"_Funny, but being Prince Charming will not have me lay off this question," I said, pushing him back lightly._

"_What's yours?" he asked in another astute try to get out of answering._

"_Uh-uh – I asked you first," I teased, reaching out to twirl a lock of his blond hair around my finger._

"_We're not in grade school anymore, beautiful," he mused, leaning back into his wall of pillows, seemingly resigned to my curiosity at the moment. "At least give me a hint."_

"_I always catch the clock. It's 11:11 – now you want to talk," I sung lightly, knowing full well he would have no clue to what song it belonged._

"_11:11? I take it that the time has some sort of meaning?" he asked, diverting my attention once more. This was becoming more of a hassle than I ever would have dreamed._

"_It's the wishing hour," I explained. "If you catch the clock when it reads 11:11, you get to make a wish."_

"_Well then, how about I tell you what I would wish for instead?" he asked, pushing up once more and crawling on top of my form. He leaned in and let his lips hover right next to my left ear. "I wish you would give up on this crazy tangent of a question."_

_I pushed on his chest till he fell back so he was straddling my knees. I shook my head and sighed. He didn't get it. He still had yet to understand that even though the physical side of this relationship was great, I wanted more. I needed to try and make him see that._

"_I just want to know you Adam… in ways that are different from all the other women you have dated," I explained, my tone taking a more self-conscious turn at the end. He chuckled and returned to his original position hovering over me._

"_You're already different," he whispered, leaving light kisses across my face. "I've told you that from the start."_

"_And I've yet to truly believe it," I stated, unmoved by his current actions._

"_You are," he attested, more forcefully this time. "You may not be the first, but I hope you'll be the last."_

"_We've been dating one month," I said, dismissing his last statement. It was way too early for that type of talk about commitment, especially considering I didn't know how long my stay in the WWE would be. But I didn't want to think of that now... it would wreck the moment. "Don't use your lines on me because…"_

_His lips stopped mine from speaking. I wanted to be mad – angered that he wouldn't even offer me a little knowledge into some trivial details of his mind. But I couldn't stay mad at him for that long. My body always reacted to his touch… to his kiss. This moment was no exception. He leaned back and looked into my half-lidded eyes. I knew that I was never going to get my answer, but it didn't seem to matter anymore._

"_It's not a line. I mean, normally it would be. But like I said before – you're different."_

_I didn't believe it anymore than I did the first time. He could see it too, but he chose not to push me any further. He didn't want to get into another "pointless" discussion. I leaned back into the mattress and let him take my lips in his once more. A few hours later as we finally were drifting off to sleep, Adam whispered that the music we just made was his "favorite" song. The guy could be such an ass sometimes… but that was part of what I loved about him._

* * *

I made it to the outer glass door of my apartment quicker than I would have ever thought possible especially in my current state of attire. My silver slip-like nightgown provided little dressing and my sandals on my feet offered very little support during my chase. But my own discomfort didn't matter right now. And as I swung open the door and the first gust of cold winter wind hit my form – complete with a wave of frigid rain water – I had to consciously tell myself that this needed to be done.

I walked out of the door yet kept my hand on the glass pane, keeping the door from shutting. I did a visual surveillance of the street and sidewalk. It was then that I finally saw him, still glistening in the moonlight… still so beautiful. He was at least a hundred yards away and doubted that he would respond if I just screamed. I only had one option at the moment. I let the door shut and continued my pursuit in the rainy night. I caught up most of the distance between us before I decided to make myself known.

"Adam?"

He stopped as soon as the first syllable left my lips. I stopped my walking as well and waited for him to turn toward me. That moment never came. I wrapped my arms around my soaked chest and made my way over to him completely. I came to stand right in front of him. We were quite a sight and it was then that I realized the extent of Adam's attire as well (even though his pajamas were much warmer and conservative than mine). His gaze roamed up and down my body as if he was trying to process what was happening. It was just a minute ago when I pretty much threw him from my life both mentally and physically.

I tried my best to stay calm as I tried to process what to say or do next. Why wasn't Adam saying anything? I had made a pretty big gesture by running out here to stop him (but then again, I did sort of cause this whole mess to begin with). I didn't even know how I got myself to this. I was so resolute in needing a break, but here I was – shivering in the cold waiting for the man that I loved with everything in my heart to give me some sign of forgiveness. I knew I didn't deserve it, but if he was offering, I would be a fool not to accept. I already played that role a few times tonight.

"You know, this isn't as romantic as they make it seem in the movies," I said, as I continued to try and keep all of my body heat from leaving my body. My teeth were already chattering because of the cold and my slip provided very little warmth. The rain water saw to that.

"Yeah well, movies make even the mundane things in life look glamorous," he muttered curtly, looking away from my gaze and up at the rainclouds overhead.

"That's true," I murmured in reply, looking at my feet.

So much for segueing into conversation. I scuffled my foot on the pavement, kicking up a little bit of water from the street. This was even tenser than earlier in the night at the taping.

"What are you doing out here Nami?" Adam asked with a sigh. I turned my attention back to him, searching his eyes for a sign of emotion. Maybe it was just all the water in my eyes, but I couldn't find any. It was like he had given up as well.

"I…"

I couldn't think of what to say to make him see where I was coming from. What was I really trying to say? I was just as bad as he was when it came to mood changes. I wasn't even sure if this was what I really wanted… why am I even thinking like that? Of course, this is what I want. This is what I have always wanted – to be with someone who completes me… to be with someone who will love me unconditionally.

"I love you Adam," I said decisively, staring directly into his eyes. "I love you now probably more than I had before and I honestly don't know why. Maybe it's because I am finally able to fully admit it to myself that I am. I haven't really seen or talked with you in months, but being with you now, everything just feels right."

"So what about all that shit you said a few minutes earlier, huh?" he questioned coldly, catching me slightly off guard. "How can I believe that what you are saying now is not just more lies and…"

"It's not," I interrupted him, reaching out to grasp his hand in mine. "Believe me, it's not. I thought that what I wanted was to just get all of this out of my system. i knew I would never be able to move on if you were in my life in any way. But that life is not the one that I want to live. I want to be with you whether you believe it or not."

"It's kind of hard," he replied quickly, pulling his hand from mine. "I came to you tonight to tell you that I was still holding out hope that there was a chance for us. That my behavior earlier tonight was driven by adrenaline and shock at actually being face to face with you once more. But now…"

I closed the short distance between us – standing as far as I could on my toes – and captured his lips in mine. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and was surprised at the sense of warmth that enveloped me (and he wasn't even returning the embrace). I pulled the top of his jersey closer to me, making sure that there was no distance between the two of us.

All the tension that he must have been originally feeling subsided as his arms wound around my form and the kiss became quite heated. His hands ran along the wet silky fabric of my slip, making chills run down my spine. All of my senses began to come alive: the feel of his warm embrace and hands roaming over my cold skin, the smell of his fading cologne, the taste of his kiss. I felt a sense of completeness wash over me, even when we needed to break for much needed air.

"I missed you," I whispered, opening my eyes halfway as our lips were still close together.

He brought both of his hands up to the sides of my face, causing my hold around his neck to falter. He ran his cold fingers over my almost numb skin. I shouldn't have been able to feel his touch as well as I could, but it didn't surprise me all that much. Adam always had that effect on me. The world always seemed to disappear and there was just him.

"You sure have a funny way of showing it," he mused with a hint of a smile on his face, even though his tone was far from lighthearted.

"Hey – I'm not the only one who fucked up tonight," I responded bitterly causing him to slightly recoil at both tone and wording. I wasn't one for outwardly cursing unless the situation warranted. It always made that much more of an effect. "_You _were the one who came to _my_ window in the middle of the night because _you_ couldn't face _me_ earlier."

"And there was a reason for that," he reasoned, dropping his lightly caressing hands back to his sides. The rain began to pick up and he had to speak louder so I could hear him over the downpour. "I needed time to process everything! Everything hit me head on and I needed to take a step back! But when I got my head on straight, where did I go? Oh that's right – _here_… to see you! And what did you do? You screamed at me and threw me out of your apartment and into the rain!"

"And I'm sorry for that, but I needed time to _process everything _as well!" I interjected in the same heightened tone, throwing his words right back at him. "I read your letter."

"And that is probably the only reason you are out here," he said, sighing and turning away from me to continue walking.

I hastily followed him until we were walking stride for stride. The weather didn't seem to even faze me anymore. I didn't care if I had to walk all the way back to the hotel with him. I was going to get things sorted out – or die of hypothermia trying.

"It's one of the reasons, yes," I continued, as we made it to the corner of the street. "But all it did was make me realize how much you mean to me. What you did was amazing and definitely one of the most romantic things that has happened to me in my lifetime."

He didn't respond, but at least he had stopped walking. We stood underneath the streetlight and watched the few cars drive by. Now that we weren't on a side street, there was still a sense of the city being alive. The noise of a few speeding cabs mixed in with the rain and wind created a symphony of unneeded clamor. It was killing the idea of Adam and I being alone in this. It proved that the world was still turning, even as mine seemed to stop the second I realized that Adam was fully gone from my door.

"I wrote that months ago, you know," he posed in a slight questioning tone. "Things have changed."

"It didn't seem that way a few minutes ago," I said, recalling his tender words that he had for me before I gave up on all he had to say. Sure, some of the words were mine, but it seemed as if he felt the same.

"And it didn't seem like this little meeting of ours would be taking place judging from your declaration_ a few minutes ago_," he said, ending his sentence with a bitter twist on my words.

"I made a mistake, okay?" I ranted. "I made a huge mistake, and it has taken me months to own up to it."

"Care to enlighten me here?" he asked as I stopped speaking.

I held his gaze while reaching out and taking his hand in mine once more. He didn't pull back this time; he just let me have the physical connection that I needed to get the words out.

"I look in the mirror everyday… and I don't see what I feel should be there," I said slowly, trying my best to hold his gaze even though it was becoming overpowering. "And I know why now. It's because you were right. You were right tonight when you said that a big part of yourself was left in me… just like the best of me was left in you. I couldn't see myself because the woman who I had become – the person that I wanted to be – was with you. Without you, I'm not whole. I'm only a shell of what I should be."

I could see that my words had touched him. I felt a change in demeanor. He wasn't as defensive and bitter, but he still let my hand fall. He moved closer and kissed me lightly on the cheek before moving away and continuing to walk down the street away from me once more. I watched his retreating form in shock. I couldn't put into words what I was feeling. The emptiness and pain was unbelievable and no words would come out to halt him. I continued to watch him before shrieking out the only thing I could muster.

"Please don't go!"

He didn't stop. It didn't even falter him. He just kept walking and I had to use all the strength in my body to keep from falling to the pavement. So this was what it felt like to finally be free of things, huh? I wish I never knew. I wish I never had to feel this sensation. I couldn't bear to watch him any longer. I turned away and quickly scurried around the corner. I leant up against a vacant store window and let my tears follow, the hot salt water mixing with the icy winter rain. I deserved everything I felt. This was all my fault.

I composed myself as best I could and started slowly walking back to my place. I wrapped my arms across my chest once more, feeling the cold much more intensely in Adam's absence. I blearily tried to keep my gaze forward and focused, but was failing miserably. The sobs continued to rack my body. They would not stop even when I mentally told myself that everything would be okay. My body wouldn't believe what my heart and even mind knew was not true.

I looked up at the moon that was almost fully hidden behind massive clouds full of raging tempests. How did everything end up like this? I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn't hear or feel someone walking behind me, until an arm wrapped around my torso. I was frightened for only a moment before feeling a light kiss being pressed to my temple before the heat was replaced right by my ear.

"Now, you know what it felt like the day you walked out of my life."

My legs did give out, but Adam's arms were there to fully break my fall. He kept me standing, wrapping his other arm around my form as well. He pressed another warm kiss to my cheek before resting his chin on my shoulder. I glanced over to the side and saw the gentle smile on his face. He leaned in as far as his position would let him to kiss me gently but fully on the lips. We pulled away and the look of amazement was still on my face.

"I'm not a complete jackass," he muttered with a grin that warmed my heart the moment it adorned his face. "I just wanted you to see what it felt like – what I had gone through for weeks after you left. I couldn't understand why you did it. All I knew was that you were gone and I lost a part of myself I didn't think I could find again."

"You _are_ a jackass, just a very loveable one," I murmured softly with a smile while spinning around in his hold so we could be facing each other. "It might take awhile for my heart to start beating again though."

"I'll do all I can to get it started pumping once more," he whispered, leaning down to capture my lips quickly. "Like this…" He trailed hot kisses along my jaw line before continuing down my neck. He nipped tenderly at the nape, knowing exactly what it would do to me. The shivers that ran up my spine were not from the cold weather this time.

"How about we get out of these wet clothes?" I asked breathlessly as he continued his pleasant torture on my neck.

"How about we get out of clothes altogether?" he asked with a grin, running a free hand up my thigh.

"And what pray tell are you planning we do…"

"Do you even need an explanation?" he asked as he detangled himself from our embrace and started to walk toward my apartment, pulling me behind him. "I mean, I would be more than happy to give one but I'm not sure your pretty little ears could stand it."

"Someone is a little forward tonight," I murmured, catching up the small distance to press myself against his side. His arm wrapped around my body almost involuntarily as we picked up the pace trying to get back to my place as quickly as possible. "Besides, I am still _very_ tired from my trip."

"You have all day to sleep tomorrow," he replied even though he was well aware that my last statement was said in a joking manner. Sleep could wait a few hours. Besides, I was on a blissful high at the moment. "Tonight is just for us."

"_For us_… I like the sound of that," I mused as we made it to the apartment complex's door, finally out of the onslaught of the falling rain thanks to the awning.

"So do I, beautiful," he murmured into my ear, caressing my sides lovingly. "Where are your keys?"

"My keys?" I asked him dazedly.

"Yeah – your keys: the only thing that is stopping us from continuing on with our '_for us'_ plan?" he asked with a chuckle, even as my face soured.

I couldn't believe that I had left my keys! All I was thinking about was getting to Adam – not the fact that I would need to get back in eventually.

"They're in my apartment," I muttered with a disbelieving shake of my head.

"In your apartment?" he asked shocked. "How did you figure on getting back in?"

"I didn't think that far ahead," I murmured, peering inside the closed door to see if I could sense any movement. "I needed to stop you before I lost my chance."

"I guess I should be extremely flattered… and I probably would be if I could feel all the extremities of my body," he joked, pulling me to him once more.

"How do you think I feel?" I said, gesturing to my scantily clad form which he just devoured as his eyes roamed over every inch. "Why don't we just get a cab to your hotel?"

"Simple – neither of us have any money," he responded laughing, even though I could find little amusement about our current predicament. "My wallet is still in my pocket on the floor of your bathroom. And considering I pretty much see through all of the hiding places on that little number your wearing, I doubt…"

"I guess this mess is another thing you can blame me for," I muttered dejectedly, wrapping my arms around my chest to shield my current state of dress from him. I pushed away from his arms and leant up against the glass door, thinking about how I could work my way out of this present situation.

"You were thinking with your heart, not your brain at the time," he replied, leaning his arm above me so he towered above. "I don't fault you there. Besides, there is an easy solution. Just buzz the superintendent to let us in."

"In case you have forgotten, it is around four in the morning," I said with a small smile.

"I am well aware of that," he mused, still seeing the bright side of our soggy and seemingly hopeless situation. "But some matters are a little more pressing than the time of day."

"And do you think that this qualifies as such a matter?" I asked cheekily, knowing full well what his response would be. He just gave me a curt grin before looking at the various call buttons on the wall panel.

"So which one should I press?" he asked, scanning the names.

"Did I mention that my super is visiting relatives all this week and won't be back til Sunday?" I said with a forced laugh.

"That might have been a good detail to include in our discussion," he said, turning his attention back toward me. "Anyone else we can buzz?"

"Not this early," I said, sighing before leaning forward to rest my head on his shoulder.

"There's always the window," he said hopefully.

"I locked it as soon as you came through," I responded, killing all hope of us getting out of this weather anytime soon. At least we were slightly sheltered from the rain. It was just bad whenever the wind decided to blow which was becoming quite frequent.

"Well then… let's get settled right here," he said, taking my hand in his as he looked down before sitting gingerly up against the door. I gave him a pensive look, but he just tugged my arm, guiding me right on his lap. "See – this isn't so bad."

"If it stopped raining and was forty degrees warmer, I would wholeheartedly agree with you," I said sarcastically, earning a slight pinch to my arm. "Now that I have lived through it, being out in the rain, even with the one you love, is so not sexy and fun."

"Maybe it would be if it was under different circumstances, but I do have to agree with you there," he replied. "The rain did not make this night any more romantic."

"It just made it more depressing… and cold," I said, as just thinking of the temperature and how sick I was going to become make me shiver. "Promise you'll take care of me when I am sick in bed?"

"You Americans think that cold weather automatically means you are going to become sick," he replied with a chuckle. Ah, if this didn't feel like old times. "It's not just the cold that makes you sick. You still need a virus to be spread… or bacteria… or…"

"I get the point babe," I said laughing as well. "But you still didn't answer my question."

"If you get sick by your theory, I would probably be in the same bed with you," he said, rubbing his hands up and down my arms to try and get warmth back in my body. "And even if I wasn't sick, I would still be in the same bed as you and that is where I plan on staying."

"You do have a job to do this weekend," I replied. "Does the word 'Armageddon' ring any bells?"

"Yes but until then, I am yours," he whispered in my ear, kissing the side of my neck before moving up toward my lips. I dodged them bringing my hand up to trace a path along his jaw line. He gave me a curious look.

"I'm sorry for everything I did," I said, smiling sadly.

"I know you are," Adam responded quickly before I could get another word in, reaching out to take my hand in his. "And I'm sorry for the way I acted tonight. It was out of line."

"That makes two of us," I replied with a chuckle. "I am sure going to have a lot of explaining to do tomorrow. I pretty much told Chris and Jeff that I needed some time to myself."

"How did that news go over?" he asked grinning.

"Jeff understood, or at least he said he did," I mused with a pensive smile, unsure if I really wanted to delve into my still strong friendship with Jeff to Adam. "Chris on the other hand… not so much."

"I still can't believe that you two were in cahoots with each other this whole time," he said laughing causing my whole body to raise a few degrees in temperature because of the warmth the noise caused. "Now I know why he was so pushy on the subject of you and me though. I thought he was insane because it wasn't like he knew who you were... but I guess he did."

"He helped me a lot, especially when you got injured," I said, looking away from him and back up into the night sky. "You don't know how many times I had the phone in my hand and your number up on the screen. I wanted to call, but I didn't think I was ready."

"I was so frustrated then I probably would have just blown you off," he admitted, resting his chin on my shoulder once more. "What a time to have an injury, huh? Nothing seemed to be going my way. In the end, I saw it as a blessing in disguise. It gave me a chance to retool and not get totally burned out. At the time, I was throwing everything I had into the business. I needed time to just accept that things happened, but it couldn't get any worse. Things would eventually have to take a turn for the better."

"And it seems like they have – present predicament excluded," I replied happily.

"This isn't so bad, beautiful," he whispered into my ear. "It gives us time to talk… you know, reconnect with one another."

"We could be having this same conversation in my nice warm apartment if not for my stupidity," I muttered.

"If we were up in your room right now, I don't think there would be much time for conversation," he replied huskily into my ear. I turned my face to the side to look at him. He raised his eyebrows in a propositioning manner, causing me to elbow him lightly in the stomach. "Fine –don't admit it, but you know that it's true."

"Well then, I _like_ it better this way," I huffed turning away from him once more. I wanted to get to know him again on a personal basis before everything dissolved into the physical. That was always the main flaw in our relationship besides the obvious trust issues.

We both stayed silent for a few moments as the first roar of thunder rumbled down the street. I didn't even see any lightning with it – I guess this storm was either moving far away or still coming. I hoped it wasn't the latter as I wasn't in the mood to sit out in this weather for another few hours. Adam didn't seem to mind it all that much and I had to admit, that his body heat was keeping me quite warm.

"You still watch the broadcasts?" Adam asked, breaking the monotonous sound of the rain falling and hitting the pavement.

"Not religiously, but I watch as much as I can stand," I replied truthfully. "Trust me – it's not the easiest thing in the world to watch you and Vickie… you know."

"At least I am on Smackdown now so you can find out when those spots are going to be on," he said jokingly.

"Yeah and I was warned ahead of time by Danielle and Chris to begin with," I said, remembering the first time I heard the news about a new love interest for Edge. "I didn't know who you were going to be with though so it was certainly a surprise. But as soon as I saw you sitting on that couch and Vickie yelling about how she was going to punish you, I knew."

"That first night was a little awkward – it still is a _little awkward_, but she keeps assuring me that Eddie would have loved it," Adam explained. "I don't know how long this storyline is going to last, but if crowd reaction is any judge, I bet it is far from over."

"Yeah, you are receiving the same type of heat you had when you were with Amy," I said. "You have any celebration planned after your match Sunday with your new beau?"

"Are you implying that I should tell you what is actually going to happen in the match?" he asked coyly. "Because if that is the case, I'm sorry but you'll have to wait and find out yourself."

"Not like you know anyway," I muttered, full aware that most times the wrestlers didn't know the outcome of the match until the day of the show.

"Oh, I know... everything is already planned for once," he replied. "But no, my lips our sealed."

I was about to respond when a noise from above halted me. Both Adam and myself looked up to see one of the other tenants trying to exit the door. Talk about luck. We both stood up and moved out of the way. Mr. Perez looked both of us over, but luckily he was one of the people that I had run across in my few months at the apartment.

"I take it you locked yourself out, huh?" he asked jokingly, turning around to unlock the other security door for the two of us.

"Yeah and since Ed is out of town, we were sort of stuck out here," I replied with a smile, as both Adam and myself were able to enter the warm air of the hallway.

"How long?" he asked grinning.

"I'm not so sure," I said looking between Adam and our saviour for the night. "Probably a little less than an hour."

"Well, I'm happy I can help," he replied as he fiddled with his umbrella until it was in the open position. "Are you going to be able to get in your room?"

"I think the door is probably still open," I muttered sheepishly, knowing that I was in such a haste that certain necessities were forgotten.

"You left it open?" Adam asked laughing. "Not the brightest thing you've ever done."

"Oh, I'm sorry – we haven't met. Michael Perez," my neighbor said extending his hand to Adam.

"Adam Copeland – your absentminded neighbor's boyfriend," Adam replied with a grin as the two men shook hands. I didn't think I would hear that word come out of his mouth ever again. It certainly felt nice and I knew that the smile on my face was going to be a permanent fixture.

"Pleasure to meet you," he responded, moving back and getting ready to leave the premises. "It was nice seeing you again Ms. Shepherd. It's been awhile."

"You too and thanks again for the help," I said as Adam retook my hand and started leading me to the first of many staircases.

"Any time," he replied with a wave as he exited the building and went about his own business.

The little that I did know about him was that he worked for a company in Philadelphia and had to take the train every morning to work. We would meet each other at the mailboxes occasionally when he was coming back at night. The commute was a killer thus the early start time. What is a burden for him was my lucky charm tonight.

Both Adam and I started to ascend the staircase in silence. It wasn't the widest section of the hallway thus we couldn't walk side by side. I walked ahead of him, my hand still in his hold. I heard him give a teasing whistle from behind and had to laugh. When we made it to the second floor landing, I turned to him with a grin on my face.

"After this long trip upstairs, I think I am going to be too tired to partake in whatever you have planned for the rest of the night," I muttered, my grin growing larger in the process.

He just returned the look with one of his own. He closed the small distance between us and before I knew it, I was thrown up on his shoulder. He made sure I was secured before taking a few steps forward.

"Adam – put me down," I grumbled as he started to climb the next flight of steps.

"I don't want you to tire out just yet," he joked as he kept on walking. "Besides, I need the exercise. Haven't really had the time to hit the gym since I've been back from injury."

"And I am sure that this is helping your surgically repaired muscle oh so much," I replied sarcastically as he had made it to the third floor landing. "And I was only joking by the way… so please let me go."

"Only two flights to go," he said as we started up to my floor. "And yes, your door is wide open. Very safe there, beautiful."

"If I spent anymore time in the room, you might have walked out of my life forever," I replied reasonably.

"Considering we share some of the same friends that would be pretty hard to do," Adam said chuckling, as I knew that he was still trying to fully take in the extent of mine and Chris's relationship. I could see how it could be quite a shock. "And I guess since we couldn't even get back in the complex until now, we don't have to worry about prowlers or anything."

We made it to the top of the landing of my floor and I was finally able to wiggle off of his shoulder. I walked over to my open door and flipped on the light switch. Same old, small, empty apartment. I flashed Adam a demure grin before entering the room. When I entered, I spied the pages of Adam's letter still scattered across the floor. I made sure that my hands were fully dry before picking all of them up. As I stood up with the final of the pages in my hand, the lights flipped off once more. I set the papers on the coffee table just as I felt two hands pulling at the bottom of my nightgown.

"How did you know about the song?" I asked softly, staring down at the handwritten sheet music.

"A few nights after you left, I was lying in my bed trying to get my thoughts together," he replied grasping the silky fabric and raising it ever so slowly over my skin. "I looked over at the clock and what do you know: its 11:11. Talk about fate, huh? Something just clicked inside me, bringing my thoughts straight back to you which was the one place I was trying to avoid. I thought of our second anniversary that we spent at my place and I just wanted to try and figure you out some. You were no longer around and I wanted to try and see if I could find out why. I thought maybe if I could understand some of the little intricacies of our relationship and you yourself, you would come back… or at least talk to me."

Adam fully pulled the damp fabric up over my head and dropped it on the floor. My back was still to his chest as he lightly ran his fingers up and down my exposed flesh. I leaned back against him, now only clothed in my pair of boy shorts.

"I found the song online and listened to it – that was a triumph in itself," he joked, but I couldn't even think of retaliation as my body was on fire from his touch. "A ten minute long emo song that made me even more depressed than I already was… but then I started actually listening to the words and I could see why you would like it so much. It sort of reminded me of you. It was whiny, long winded, overly complex for such a simple structure and…"

"And?" I posed, looking up and into his eyes, letting all of the comments about the song I held so dear to my heart slide.

Something Corporate's "Konstantine" was the one song that embodied what I wanted out of my romantic relationships… unconditional love. Someone who even when things aren't working out is always in your thoughts and you know is the one you belong with. The past few months whenever I heard the song, I thought of Adam. It made his gesture even more touching and I wanted to hear the rest of his explanation on how his letter came to be.

"Like I said, I understand why you love it so much. Not saying that it will ever be on an Adam Copeland set list, but… I understand. You once told me that the only thing you ever wanted for your life was to be loved unconditionally, and that was what I really took away from that song. So I sat down, got some staff paper, found the music notation online, and transcribed it. I thought that it would help bring you back to me. And guess what – it actually did."

I spun around in his hold and stared straight into his hazy shadowed eyes. He had taken the thoughts right from my head and vocalized them. I was at a loss for words and amazed at the man standing before me. I leaned up and kissed him passionately but pulled back before he could dominate the action. I reached down and grabbed the bottom of his jersey, pulling it up and over his head.

"You don't know how much that touched me," I whispered, referring to the music that I would cherish until the day I died. "I hate thinking about what ifs, but I honestly don't know what I would have done if I had opened it the second I got it. All of this mess could have probably been avoided."

"I think, deep down, that we both needed this time apart," he replied, grasping both of my hands in his and leading me slowly over to my bed. "I'm not saying that everything is healed between us and I doubt you would be stupid enough to believe it is. We're going to need to build back a lot of what we lost. But I'm not going anywhere because our time apart just made me realize how much I can't live without…"

I pulled one of my hands from his grasp and placed a few fingers lightly on his lips. I shook my head as nothing more really needed to be said right now. I could see in his eyes all that he had done and what he was feeling. I leaned up and kissed him with all the passion I could muster. Adam quickly took over control as I opened my lips to grant his tongue entry into my mouth. His hands slid down my sides and came to rest at the top of my underwear, teasing the elastic with his fingers.

My body was getting warmer by the second as I reveled in everything that was him. It was overwhelming as all the memories of our times together came back to the forefront of my mind. He still felt the same, kissed the same, tasted the same. But still, I craved more. He broke the kiss and looked at me with a ravenous gaze – a mix of love and lust shining in his eyes. He effortlessly picked me up and laid me on my bed a few paces away.

He stood over the bed looking down at my shadowed body before quickly ridding himself of his pajama bottoms. He kneeled on the bed and immediately straddled my form. The only thing left impeding us was quickly pulled from my legs and thrown over his shoulder. He leaned down capturing my lips in his for only a moment before going lower. He kissed along the length of my neck and down my chest to my right breast. My nipple quickly became engulfed into his warm mouth, making my back arch slightly off the bed in desire. He repeated the same action to my other breast. I missed this so much.

He was about to venture lower, but I wasn't in the mood for too much foreplay tonight. My need was too great to be teased and tortured anymore than I already had been. I brought my hands to either side of his face and stopped his trail of kisses right as it reached below my naval. He looked up at me with the same lust filled eyes, but complied inching his way back up.

"I can't wait," I murmured when his lips were mere centimeters from mine. "I need you now."

"I need to get you a little prepared first," he whispered wolfishly, letting his hand run down to my core. I moaned lightly as he ran his fingers across the already warm wet flesh. "So much for that."

He quickly got himself settled between my thighs. I closed my eyes and waited patiently until he made his move. But it didn't come. I opened my eyes and looked at him in confusion. He chuckled before pressing right against me, letting his member push right against my opening in a teasing manner. He saw my impatience and slowly entered me. It was a feeling that was a welcome reminder of how much passion we shared. I leaned up and kissed him, happy when he returned the action.

We started off slow, just gently rocking against each other. Yet that could only last for so long. Our rhythm built and built and before I knew it, I was screaming out in one of the most intense orgasms I had ever felt. I knew from the way Adam felt and acted that he was close as well. A few thrusts more and I felt his climax deep within me. He collapsed on top of me in exhaustion.

A few moments later he rolled to my side, pulling me slightly on top of him when he got there. He leaned down and placed a kiss on my forehead, wrapping his arm tightly around me so I was forced to use his chest as my pillow… not that I was complaining. I ran my fingers up and down his chest, watching as his breathing returned to normal. He brought his hand to my cheek, bringing me out of my silent thoughts. I looked up at him and took in the satisfied yet still not fully sated look on his face.

"Ready for round two?"

Zzz…Zzz…Zzz…Zzz…Zzz…Zzz

"_Take me for what I am!  
Who I was meant to be…"_

I groaned and groggily opened my eyes, once I realized that the source of the loud blaring noise would not end on its own. Well… I guess it would eventually, but knowing Danielle as well as I did, she would keep calling until I was so annoyed that I had to pick up. That was just her way. I don't think she ever understood the idea of voicemail.

I reached my arm over to my end table blindly, feeling the weight next to my side shift slightly. I looked over and smiled at the blond sleeping man I found there. I continued watching him sleep as my fingers finally reached my phone and flipped it open. I turned over on my side so not to disturb him with my talking.

"Hello?" I mumbled into the receiver, laying it on the pillow next to my head.

"I was just calling to see how you were holding up," Danielle said loudly from the other end. I just remembered that I was supposed to call her once I made it home from the show last night. But honestly, she was the last thing that was on my mind.

"Ugh, it's too early to get into this," I whispered softly, keeping my voice down to try and let Adam sleep.

"Early? It's almost eleven!" Danielle exclaimed in the phone.

"Still too early," I muttered knowing that Adam and I didn't get to sleep until the sun was already starting to come up.

I was about to speak some more, but my voice died in my throat as a kiss was pressed to my bare shoulder. It startled me slightly, but a huge smile came across my face as I turned over and looked into the eyes of my lover.

"Morning, beautiful," he muttered huskily, still not fully awake himself.

He leaned forward and kissed me briefly on the lips before settling back down on his side. I heard noises coming from my abandoned phone and picked it up. Adam looked at me with a curious expression so I laid down facing him with my phone being the only distance between us.

"… you even there anymore?" I heard Danielle say as I finally got back into the conversation.

"Yeah, sorry – lost the connection for a moment," I muttered while Adam tried to stifle a sarcastic reply. I shot him a look and he mouthed a 'sorry'.

"Sounds like you had a long night?" Danielle stated in a questioning manner.

"You can say that again," Adam grumbled as quiet as the rich timbre of his voice would allow. I shot him one more look yet let him off since my friend heard nothing on the other end.

"Didn't get to sleep until the sun was starting to come up to be honest with you," I said, a huge smile forming on my face thanks to the memories of a few hours before.

"Take it things didn't go so well then? I could tell Adam didn't look too forgiving," she stated as my focus shifted to my boyfriend once more. "Stupid bastard."

"Um…" I started with a soft chuckle. "Everything worked out for the best."

"How can you say that when…"

"You do know that this _'stupid bastard'_ can hear everything your saying, right?" Adam interrupted loudly and I wished that I could see her expression.

"Holy fuck! I can't believe this. Really?"

Yeah, she was surprised. But it was a very happy surprise.

"Yeah… really," I said cheekily while Adam leaned over to capture my lips in his once more. I brought my hand up and ran my fingers through a few strands of his hair, just more physical evidence that this all did happen and wasn't a dream.

"Hey – I can hear your lips smacking! Hold on for one second."

Both Adam and I pulled away from each other laughing. Our foreheads stayed pressed together as I picked up the phone and put it to my ear, turning the volume down so I didn't blow out my ear drum.

"What is it, hun?" I asked cheerily while Adam took my hand in his and brought it to his lips.

"Congratulations," she said enthusiastically.

"Thanks, but you mind if I call you back later?" I asked, not wanting to sound distant and cold but I knew she wouldn't mind. I didn't want to have a heart to heart with a girlfriend after just waking up in the arms of the man I had been pining over for months. I should be savoring in the feeling and that is what I planned on doing.

"Of course. I need all the juicy details anyway," she said dismissively with a laugh. "Have fun."

"I'll talk to you soon," I replied with a smile. "Later chica."

I flipped my phone shut and leaned over to place it back on the end table. I sat on the edge of the bed and wrapped the sheet around my torso. Adam sat up as well coming behind me and rubbing his hands over the shoulder planes in my back. I leaned into his touch with a vocal moan of bliss causing him to continue.

"She sounded just as happy as you," he muttered, settling himself by sitting with his legs on either side of me. I reached back and pulled his arms away from my back, leaning until I hit the flesh of his chest and wrapping his arms around my front.

"She knows that you're the one who truly makes me happy," I murmured, leaning my head back to look up and kiss him lightly on the side of his lips.

"I love you," he said tenderly, causing my heart to flip flop in my chest. Those three words coming from his lips was an instant mood lifter (even though I thought my mood couldn't get any higher).

"I love you too," I replied.

He started to lie back down on the mattress, taking my form with him as I was still in his strong hold. I giggled and was able to push off and detangle myself, rising from the bed with the bed sheet wrapped around me for some sense of modesty. I took a few steps away from the bed.

"Where are you going?" Adam asked inquiringly as I made it a little closer to my destination.

"Shower," I muttered, sending a coy look over my shoulder as I let the white fabric fall to the floor. "Care to join me?"

"You don't need to ask me twice," I think he mumbled as a lustful glaze came across his green irises. I turned back around, taking another step toward the bathroom's door when I felt Adam's presence right behind me. He placed a forceful kiss at the base of neck, causing my head to loll back in delight. "Hey beautiful."

"Huh?" I muttered as he worked his lips up the length my neck until they reached my earlobe. He gently took the flesh in his mouth and nipped at it.

"Look at the time," he whispered, gesturing with his head to the wall clock next to him. I maneuvered my head to look over his shoulder and at the clock.

"11:11 – make a wish," I murmured, turning my attention back to the man holding me in his arms.

"It's already come true," he said sentimentally.

"Aw, you sound like a cheesy romantic movie," I said with a laugh, bringing up a hand to ruffle his hair. He laughed and I finally led us over to the room and opened the door.

"You know you love me," Adam stated as I pushed back the shower curtain and turned on the water.

I looked over my shoulder with a grin and flicked some of the still cold water at him. He just shrugged it off walking over to me with a purpose. It was only when I was lifted into his arms and put underneath the cold downpour of slightly warming shower water that I knew what my loving boyfriend had in mind. He entered as well, pulling the shower curtain closed on his way.

He set me down and I immediately moved to the back wall away from the cold falling water. Adam adjusted the taps a little and after what seemed like ages, warm water began to fall. I smiled and tried to move back into a better position underneath the water, but he just lightly pushed me back. I looked up and saw his cheeky grin and whacked him lightly on the shoulder. He pouted and rubbed the slightly reddening spot and pulled me to him.

"That wasn't very nice," he murmured sarcastically, running his hands down my damp body. "I think you should kiss it and make it feel better."

I stared back at him defiantly but there was only so much Adam cuteness I could take. I lightly pressed my lips to side of his shoulder. I moved my eyes to his and saw that there was something passionate building within him. Not that I was all that surprised, it didn't take much.

"Better?" I asked, as I leaned my head to rest on his shoulder.

"Much," he whispered into my ear. I closed my eyes and just let the warm water fall over my body while leaning against him. It was such a soothing feeling. But of course, all things must come to an end and did when I felt a cool liquid squirt and trail down the plane of my back. "Turn around."

I turned around and Adam began to lightly massage the coconut body wash into my back. I leaned into his touch earning a slight chuckle from the man behind me. I opened my eyes – which I didn't even know had fallen closed – and focused my attention on him over my shoulder. He smirked as he let his fingers travel lower until they reached the top of my ass. He winked at me before squirting some more of the gel in his hands before rubbing it against my skin.

He let his hands travel to the front of my body, lightly massaging my naval area before moving higher. He made it to my chest and proceeded to take his time washing each breast till he was satisfied with the results. He moved his hands back lower across my stomach, heading even lower to my feminine core. I halted his hands by taking them in mine.

"We are supposed to be getting clean and that means your _dirty_ mind as well," I muttered, freeing one of my hands to rub soap suds across his face.

"It's not only my mind that needs the cleaning," he whispered into my ear, pulling my form right against his so I felt his rock hard member pushing into my own skin.

"You can take care of _that_ yourself, but I'll return the favor from earlier," I said, reaching out to pick up the bottle of body wash. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my own less physically obvious arousal. If I succumbed to what I was feeling, we would never finish this shower.

I squirted some on my hands and rubbed them together to make lather. I turned around and smiled up at him with a twinkle in my eye as I rubbed my hands across the muscular structure of his chest. It was his turn to moan gruffly in the back of his throat. I continued my work from his chest to his abs, working my fingers into the muscular ridges. Yet just when I made it below his navel, I stepped back and gestured for him to turn around.

"You're cruel, you know that right?" he groaned as he complied with my request.

My only response was to squirt the remainder of the gel onto his back. He arched back slightly, probably from the coolness of the liquid. I began to lightly work my fingers into circular patterns. I could tell from his breathing that he had taken my advice and was attending to some _pressing_ duties that had sprung up. I just continued my washing over his back and when I moved my finger lower to the curve of his ass, I heard a loud exclamation and was happy that he was facing the drain. I giggled and finished up before picking up the shampoo and squirting some on my hands.

I worked the gel into his hair, earning a low moan for my efforts. I kissed the back of his right shoulder plane as I continued. I pulled my hands out and he rinsed the white foam from his blond locks. He turned around to look at me with a satisfied look upon his face. He took the bottle of shampoo and got some of the gel in his hands. I was about to turn around but he shook his head, walking forward to place a fierce kiss upon my lips. He brought his hands up and roughly massaged my scalp, but never relinquishing the hold his lips had over my own.

I was becoming lost in all of the sensations that it nearly pushed me over the edge. Yet just when I was about to fully fall into bliss, a loud noise startled me from my pleasurable state. I pushed back and away from Adam peering out of the shower curtain.

"Did you hear that?" I asked softly, coming back to stand right in front of him.

"It's just the water, babe," he replied flippantly with a grin, pushing me under the showerhead so I could rinse the suds from my hair. He worked his fingers up and through my hair getting all the soap out, but I would not be dissuaded from what I heard.

"No, I distinctly heard…" I started when a loud bang like my door closing reverberated throughout the room. "There! You had to hear that."

"Maybe Danielle stopped by?" he offered as I quickly stepped out of the shower, pulling a towel around my form. Adam shut off the water and followed me out and I handed him my towel as I grabbed my bathrobe. A mumbled voice could be heard from beyond the door and I stiffened.

"That wouldn't be her voice even if she was a chain smoker," I replied, pulling the robe on and tightening the belt around my waist.

"Maybe I should head out first," Adam stated protectively.

"No, stay," I murmured as I opened the door a crack before stepping outside. I shut the door and tiptoed to the edge of the little alcove that my bathroom door was located. I peered into the main room of my apartment and let out the breath I was holding.

"Found her," John stated loudly as my expression began to turn from fright to annoyance. I should have known.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked, pulling the fabric of my robe tighter around my damp body.

"I wasn't about to let you get away with running away again without a fight. That's not my way," Chris said with a grin. "So consider this an intervention."

"You're all insane," I muttered with a laugh as I looked between the five men.

"Hey! I was dragged into this," Jeff stated coming over to me and placing a light kiss on my cheek.

"We came bearing gifts," Randy said, gesturing to the cases of beer and bags of food in his own and John's grasp.

"No Adam-shaped present though," Jay said and I tried my best to keep a straight face. "He is still M.I.A at the moment."

"Did you try his cell again?" Chris asked as he took a few of the packages from Randy and went over to my kitchen. It was like he owned the place.

"Still off," Jay said, flipping his phone shut once more.

I couldn't stop myself from cracking up at that moment. These guys were really something and I couldn't help but be flattered that they cared so much. I knew that it wasn't all about me however. They thought that being with me was what Adam wanted as well. They were a little too late to help in the initial reconciliation.

"What's so funny?" Chris asked, poking his head out of the kitchen area.

"You," I muttered, going over to my dresser and pulling out a random outfit. I went over to my suitcase as well and retrieved the clean gray shirt out of the front panel. I gave all of the men still present in the main room an annoyed look before heading back toward the bathroom. "I'm getting changed."

"You're not getting out of our talk, Nam," John said.

"I wouldn't dream of it," I said mockingly over my shoulder. He was about to respond but I just waved him off and entered the bathroom.

"Idiots," I whispered as I set the clothes down on the sink. Adam was already half dressed, wearing his jeans from the night before that had spent their night drying on the floor.

"They mean well," he muttered, keeping his voice low to not arise suspicion from the others.

"They're still _idiots_," I pressed, untying my robe and letting it fall to the floor. I picked up my undergarments and quickly got them in place.

"Hey, I'm not arguing with you," Adam said, taking me in his arms. I leaned up and kissed him lightly before pulling the shirt from my suitcase from the pile and handing it to him.

"Here – I'm pretty sure it will fit," I said as he unfolded it to reveal the "Affliction" design.

"You having an affair with Orton or something?" he asked as he pulled it over his head.

"Funny, but it actually is his," I said as I pulled the pair of jeans on my legs. "He left it in my hotel room in England… and don't give me that face – I washed it and had it separate from the rest of the shit in my bag. I was going to give it to him last night, but I got a little sidetracked with everything else that was going on."

"Trust me, he doesn't miss it," he said, pulling the mirror aside to reveal the medicine cabinet. He took out a bottle of cologne and gave me a curious look. "And whose is this?"

"Chris's probably," I said with a shrug as I grabbed my deodorant before pulling my sweater over my chest. "There has been no one else besides yourself romantically in my life so you can calm your suspicious nature."

Adam and I continued to go about our morning routines, complete with him using my spare toothbrush as his own. I finished brushing my damp hair and got ready to exit when Adam stopped my hand from pulling open the door.

"So how are we going to do this?" he asked.

"Huh?" I asked, letting my hand fall to my side.

"I am not about to just walk out there," he said with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "You know that there's no fun in that."

"Baby…" I whined but was quickly silenced by his fingers coming up to my lips. He ran them down my cheek and cupped my face.

"Besides – don't you think they deserve a little payback?" he asked. I shrugged my shoulders and turned back toward the door.

"Stay here," I muttered. "I'll think of something."

"Maybe you should leave this to the '_Master Manipulator_," he whispered.

"Don't start," I said, leaning up to press a quick kiss to him lips before exiting the room once more. I quickly shut the door and walked a few paces until I was at Jeff's side once more. "So is this really necessary?"

I noticed both mine and Adam's night clothes strewn across the floor. I casually strolled into the room and picked up the Devils jersey as well as my slip. Just when I was about to move on, I noticed his note on coffee table. I reached down and picked it up as well before heading toward my sleeping area.

"This is for your own good," Chris said, as I dropped the clothes next to my suitcase and put the note in a book on my bookcase. "We just want to talk with you."

"Sure, that's all you want to do," I muttered as I leaned down to pick up the last article of clothing – Adam's pajama bottoms. But when I came up with them I noticed that I had been caught.

"What are those?" Randy asked, gesturing to the article of clothing in my grasp.

"Better question – whose are those?" Chris asked.

"Uh… mine?" I answered in a questioning tone so that no one in the room believed a word I had said. I had to fight the smile that wanted to form on my face… _stupid idiots_.

"So that's why you gave up on Adam so quickly?" Jay asked as I let the fabric fall into the other pile of clothes by my bed. "You're dating again."

"Um, sure," I said trying to hide my amusement in my tone.

"He still here?" Randy asked as he looked around the small confines of my apartment. I rolled my eyes, but noticed that they were waiting for a reply.

"Uh… maybe?" I said coyly with a shrug. I saw Jeff take a few steps back into the bathroom's alcove and heard the door open.

"Not in here," Jeff said, but when he emerged and back into my sight his eyes caught mine. I smiled and he nodded his head.

"How long have you been keeping this from me?" Chris asked dismissively as he and Jay went back into the kitchen area.

"A little while," I called back with a smile on my face, moving over to settle down on my couch. Jeff came over and took a seat on my right, leaning in to whisper in my ear.

"He finally came to his senses?" Jeff asked softly. I nodded my head as John and Randy both entered the kitchen as well.

"We both did," I replied with a smile.

"I'm happy for you," he said softly, brushing a few damp strands of hair from my eyes. I leaned in and placed a light kiss on his cheek as he pulled me into a warm embrace. I heard the bathroom door open and turned to see Adam stride out cautiously.

"Where is the rest of the investigation squad?" Adam whispered as he came over to sit on the other side of me on the couch.

"Kitchen," Jeff said, as you could see both John and Chris's backs through the entryway.

"Like I said – idiots," I murmured to him, letting my head fall to rest on his shoulder. We all watched in silence as Chris turned around and headed back into the room.

"Do you guys want any…"

He dropped the empty glass he was holding on the floor and it shattered into a few pieces. A smile slowly formed on his face as Adam waved mockingly at his friend.

"You're paying for that," I said through laughter. He bent down and picked up the two major shards of glass and held them cautiously in his hands.

"What's the problem in here?" John asked concerned until he spied the occupants of the couch as well.

"You have enough for one more?" Adam asked, loud enough that the other two inhabitants of the kitchen could hear his query as well. He gave Jay a playful grin before leaning his head down to kiss me. I heard Randy groan and everything began to feel like old times once more.

"Remind me why we even wanted them back together?" Randy asked as he and Chris headed back into the room with the broken glass.

"You hungry? I'll get you something?" Adam asked as he rose from his seat.

"Sure," I said with nod of my head.

He, Jay, and John piled into the small kitchen area as well. I was surprised that that many people could fit, but happy that it gave me some more quality time with my best friend. I looked over and was immediately greeted with Jeff's intense gaze.

"Must have been an interesting night," he stated, reaching out to take one of my hands in his.

"To say the least," I muttered, entwining my fingers with his and snuggling up to his side. "And now, everything is almost perfect once again."

"Almost? What could be missing?" he asked blithely.

"Well, I have my job, my friends, and even the love of my life," I said, lifting my head to stare directly into his eyes. "All I'm missing is my soulmate."

I loved Adam with all my heart and soul. But that being said, our souls weren't each other's other half. That was Jeff and would always be Jeff. I had come to accept it. As a child, I always believed in soulmates and that there was one person that completes you and makes you feel whole. Yet I had come to learn that it was more than that. Without Jeff, I wasn't complete but it was the same thing for Adam as well. I was always trying to decide between the two, but it would never happen. It _could_ never happen.

"I never left you, darlin'," he said softly. "I was always with you just like I promised. I damn sure know you were with me."

"I love you," I murmured, as just hearing his voice gave me a feeling of oneness.

"I love you too," he replied. We spent the next few moments in silence, listening to the muted conversation taking place only a little bit in front of us. I closed my eyes and relaxed in his embrace, but was interrupted by my friend's voice. "Shan is bouncing off the walls wanting to talk to you."

"You have your phone?" I asked, knowing that it would be amusing to speak to Smackdown's Resident Reject once more. He nodded and retrieved it from his pocket all the while not disrupting our positioning. He hit a few buttons and put the phone up to my ear. I smiled and listened to the phone ring.

"What up, bro?" Shannon 's voice asked loudly from the other end of the phone.

"Hey Shanny," I said with a laugh.

"Fuck – Meemz!" he exclaimed, surprised to say the least. "How the fuck are you? It's been forever."

"I know, I know," I replied happily. "I've been really busy."

"I hear you on that one. I was hoping he would get you to call," he said. But before he could say anymore, I heard other voices coming from the other end. I gave Jeff a quizzical look. "What the fuck…"

"Nami!" Matt's voice came booming through the phone.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" I asked, knowing that the past month had not been the best health wise for the elder Hardy brother. An emergency appendectomy was severe enough to dampen anyone's spirits, but Matt sounded as positive as ever.

"Don't really want to complain all that much but I have been better," he replied with a chuckle.

"Yeah, I've heard."

"I take it you and my brother have caught up?" he asked and I looked to his younger brother with a smile.

"We didn't really need to," I said honestly. "Everything just feels like old times."

"You need to get you pretty little ass down here for a celebration," Shannon said, as I heard him get control of his phone once more.

"I plan on it," I replied, right before Jeff took his phone back from my hand.

"Hey… yeah man, we need to go," he said into his phone. I gave him a curious look but he just shook his head. "I'll see you Sunday… and tell Matt I'll call him later… Peace."

"What was that all about?" I asked as he replaced his phone in his pocket.

"Shannon's at Gas Chamber today and if you stayed on the phone any longer, he probably wouldn't get any work done," he replied smiling.

I nodded knowing how any little distraction could drive Shannon into a frenzy. I turned my attention back to the kitchen and was surprised that none of the men had resurfaced. I could see them deep in discussion, but could only hear jumbled words.

"I think they're having their own little pow wow in there," I said, motioning to the entranceway where both Randy and Jay were plain sight.

"Just like we are having ours," Jeff pointed out, my attention shifting back to him once more.

"That's true," I mused, snuggling up a little closer to him, earning a lighthearted snicker.

"So I'll ask my question from last night again," he posed. "Are you coming to Armageddon on Sunday?"

"Maybe," I said with a shrug, as I hadn't given the proposal much thought. Too much had happened in too few of hours to give it any real consideration.

"If nothing else will convince you, you have to come to see Adam win the title," Jeff reasoned causing my eyes to grow wide from his admittance. "Oh shit – I think I was probably _not_ supposed to say that."

"Say what?"

Both Jeff and I turned to Adam as he entered the room. I stammered for a few seconds trying to figure out what to tell him. I didn't want any more ill feelings to be between the two men. So I smiled and shook my head, accepting the plate that he offered.

"Nothing," I said sweetly.

Adam retook the spot on the couch next to me. Jeff got up and headed into the kitchen as a few of the others exited. Everything was getting a little crowded in here, especially when John and Randy pulled over the chairs from my small dinette set.

"Could this place be any smaller?" Randy asked sitting down across from me.

"You know size isn't everything," I said dismissively, swirling a French fry from my plate into some ketchup.

My attention was pulled away from my food when I saw Chris come up behind Randy and John's chairs can clamp his hands over their mouths. He shook his head and grinned at me.

"I want you to remember who exactly your present company is before speaking any further," he replied before letting go of their mouths.

"Huh? I asked, turning my head toward Adam as I couldn't exactly understand what Chris meant. Adam smirked at me, raised his eyebrows, and looked down into his lap. In a matter of moments, my expression turned to one of revulsion as I picked up a throw pillow and chucked it at Randy. "Oh – you guys are sick!"

"You knew that long ago," he said, dodging the flying cushion with ease. "You just have to hang around us enough to remember it again."

"_Remember again_? Isn't that redundant?" Adam asked, as both Randy and I shared a small look.

"Fuck – you two belong together," he replied, as both of us laughed at the memory of our time together in England.

"I've been thinking that for a long time," Adam said, taking a sip from his can of beer.

I heard Jeff chuckle bitterly under his breath as he sat down next to me once more. I looked around and saw no one else noticed. Some small talk sprung up around a few of the men. Jeff turned and held my gaze before reaching over and dipping his fry in my ketchup. I picked up a fry from my own plate and we spent the next few moments drawing designs on my plate. We both laughed slightly before finally stopping and consuming our edible paintbushes.

"But maybe…"

I looked up and saw Randy regarding the scene he had just witnessed. I gave him a puzzled look, but he just smirked per usual. I shrugged before looking down at my plate and trying the best to preserve our creation while dipping my next fry in the red substance.

"So Nam, why don't you tell us a little about what you've been up to… besides the obvious," John asked, spurring one communal dialogue that lasted throughout our whole lunch.

Nothing much was really discussed, but everyone participated in the conversation. It seemed as if we all were getting along better than when I last saw them all in April. We talked about our personal lives to a small extent, but the bulk of the discussion was dealing with wrestling. Not much of a surprise seeing as it was the main detail that bound us all together.

After our lunch was over, plans were starting to be made for the afternoon and night. I was still exhausted from my trip, but was willing to do just about anything that the rest of the congregation was up for. Just as discussion began to get underway, Randy tried to use his cell phone… and ranted and raved when there was no service anywhere on my floor. To make the drama queen happy, the whole congregation walked up the one flight of stairs to the roof, instead of sending Randy down to the street below.

It was quite peaceful on the rooftop and I wished that I had ventured out here earlier in my time as a resident in the complex. It didn't have the landscape to view, but it was serene nevertheless. I sat down on a ledge near the front of the building and looked down at the street below. Only five stories up from the street and I still felt I was on top of the world. Maybe that was just because of how I was feeling emotionally.

"Did you ever imagine that things would wind up this way?"

I chuckled and swiveled around so I was facing the standing Canadian. Jay smiled and offered me his hands, pulling me into a standing position.

"I'm too cynical, you know that," I mused with a smile as I looked beyond him to the rest of my friends on the roof.

"I should've known something was up with you," Jay said, his tone turning toward the serious. I just shook my head but he continued on. "The phone conversation we had before Backlash sent up so many red flags, but I didn't react. Maybe if I told Adam…"

"And _if _you had, we wouldn't have had this opportune reunion," I said, trying to come up with words to describe this situation. It was easier said than done, as I was having a hard time believing that all of this was real. My life had seemingly done a total one-eighty in a matter of hours. "If you all knew the full truth, I doubt things would be like this now. You know Adam's temper."

"All too well," he replied with a grin. "Speaking of which, I have a little more I would like to say to Mr. Copeland."

"By all means," I said teasingly, leaning up to place a kiss on his cheek.

He headed back toward the other blond Canadians. I watched as the three fell into conversation before sitting back down on the ledge. It wasn't the best view. Buildings blocked many of the sights that Manhattan had to offer. I still felt like I was in my own little world. The wind picked up a little and I pulled my coat closer around my body. It was worth being a little cool to enjoy this sense of peace that I was finally feeling.

"It looks like it is going to be a good day."

"The best," I told Jeff as he came to sit next to me. I reached over and took his hand in mine yet my eyes never left the sky overhead. "You were right… about everything. You were always with me. All I had to do was look up in the sky and I knew you were out there somewhere. Sometimes at night when I couldn't sleep for one reason or another, I would stare at the stars and pray that you were looking at them as well."

"You don't know how many times I did the same thing," he responded. I pried my eyes away from the departing gray clouds and looked toward my friend. As soon as our eyes met, he turned his view to my original vantage point. I watched him in profile as he continued his own admittance. "I would go out to my motocross track at night, sit on the largest hill, and just look out. Everything was so immense and divine… and beautiful."

Jeff turned his attention back to my eyes before uttering his last two words. My own reply got caught in my throat as I just stared ahead at the emotion I found buried inside his irises. I tried to look away, but was too captivated. I couldn't let this happen again. I wouldn't let these feelings resurface.

"We're all heading back to the hotel downtown to hang out before having a night on the town."

I jumped slightly at the sound of my boyfriend's voice. I kept my attention on Jeff and he made no move to answer or leave. I shut my eyes and tried to get my head together.

"Sounds nice," I finally mumbled, turning my still closed eyes to where Adam now sat.

I opened my eyes and stared at the concerned expression of my boyfriend. He took my free hand in his and brought it up to his lips. I smiled at him and tried to get my emotions fully in check. I looked down into my lap and viewed the four hands I found. Everything was making much more sense now that Adam arrived. My heart and mind were thinking as one once more.

"We're going to stay here for a bit," Adam yelled over his shoulder, startling me from my thoughts.

"We'll call you guys later then," Chris said, while I turned to look at the departing group. "Find out if we are meeting up."

I smiled at the others and turned back toward the sky. I spared a brief glance over Jeff's way and saw that his focus was on the clouds as well. Everything was back to normal… whatever _normal _was anymore. I didn't want to fully go back to the way things were… when I couldn't keep my priorities straight. Now all I had to do was make sure that I stuck to what I wanted… what I _really_ wanted.

"You cold?"

I looked over at Adam, who was grinning from ear to ear. It warmed my heart immediately and all thoughts of the cold weather left my body.

"I'm just right," I murmured, placing a light kiss on his lips. He raised his eyebrows at me before letting go of my hand to pull my leg up and over his. He retook my hand as I chuckled. "Don't tell me you are?"

"Freezing," he murmured sarcastically. "How about you help warm me up?"

Before I could even think of objecting, his lips were pressed against mine. I was going to try and resist thinking of the present company we were keeping, but my hands were a little occupied at the moment. Luckily, Adam pulled away with an even bigger grin on his face.

"I'm feeling a little warmer," he muttered, leaning in to kiss me once more. "Warmer."

I dodged his next attempt and turned my attention back to the now almost perfect clear blue sky. There was only a little touch of gray left, but it would soon pass. I knew that it wouldn't last forever. The clouds would come again, but I was ready for them this time.

"I think you are hot enough," I murmured.

"Duly noted," he replied jokingly. I didn't respond beginning a quiet time of reverie over the group. The silence stretched between us and peace seemed to reign. "So what are we looking at?"

"The sky," both Jeff and I answered simultaneously. Neither of us pulled our eyes away from above.

"Oh," Adam muttered, resting his head on mine. "Didn't realize it was that easy to answer."

Oh, it might have been an easy answer. But if he asked for an actual explanation, it could have taken days to explain. For Jeff and myself, it was a symbol of the bond we shared. No matter where we were physically in this world, we were both under the same sky. Thus, we were still connected. I felt just as close to Jeff now – while our hands are laying entwined – as I had months ago. That was just how our relationship was… a sturdy structure that would never break.

Yet in my heart the sky also meant something for the other man sitting next to be. Last night, we came to a turning point in our relationship when we finally admitted how much we actually needed and wanted each other in our lives. For us and all the issues we had to deal with, it was monumental step. The gray clouds were finally moving away and all I could see was blue skies ahead. That didn't mean that there wouldn't be any clouds in our future forecast; every relationship has its ups and downs. But right now, I know it's going to be a good day.

The three of us sat on the rooftop for quite some time. Most of it was in silence even though some small talk did pick up. Jeff and Adam didn't seem to have the same hatred that they once shared for one another. They could actually smile and joke around in the other's presence. I knew that there was no chance in hell that the two would ever become more than pleasant colleagues ever again, but I would take anything I could get.

When the three of us got ready to head back into the warmth of the building, I took a moment just to collect myself. This past year was one that I would never forget. Through all of the highs and lows, I had come out a totally different person. I still wasn't sure if it was for the better, but I _had_ changed. And then there was the two people who had become an extension of myself.

My heart belonged to the love of my life – Adam. He truly was "_the one_". There was no other way to describe it. We weren't all that alike. We could fight with the same ferocity that you saw from him in the middle of the ring. Yet it always made the making up so much sweeter. I couldn't imagine my life without his love, but there was one part of my being that Adam could never fully possess: my soul.

Jeff… there were so many words that could describe him and what he meant to me, but they wouldn't even begin to scratch the surface. I could always see myself in his eyes, even when I was confused about where exactly our relationship was heading. And to be honest, I still wasn't sure what he saw when he looked at me. There was always something hiding deep that I could never decode… something that always had me wondering. I would never call him out on it – I had tried in the past with no success.

No matter what happened in the upcoming future – whether that be a year, a day, or even an hour – I would always have this moment of absolute completeness. The three parts of my existence – body, heart, and soul – had finally been realigned.

"Hey beautiful… everything alright?"

I turned around and looked into the concerned eyes of my boyfriend. I smiled and looked between the two men. I walked forward until I was standing with both of them flanking me once more.

"It is now."


End file.
